THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, December 25, 2004
The FRENCH -- investigating OSAMA'S FAMILY? And the REUT -- REPORTING ON IT?????
Theh's somethin' SCWEWY goin' on awound heah!
Theh's somethin' SCWEWY goin' on awound heah!
Bad news for PETA -- fur sales are UP.
I'm on PETA's side. Why club all those defenseless animals for an overpriced shag coat that rots easily?
I'm on PETA's side. Why club all those defenseless animals for an overpriced shag coat that rots easily?
And here's betting that show-biz LOSES audience the more it tries to DUMB ITSELF DOWN. We're seeing that in the MOVIE BIZ. Why do so many would-be LOUIE MAYERS think things like VIDEO GAMES are their SALVATION?
I think we need at least SIXTEEN MORE MEALY-MOUTHED FRONT-PAGE THUMBSUCKERS ABOUT THE NBA.
Mike obviously tried to do OMERTA'S boys one better by wanting to paint this EDGY shtick as a RACIAL thing. OMERTA'S boys got it right by painting it as a MARKETING thing, and where there's MARKETING, nothing else matters, not even THE LAW. With BOTH stories, we got more AUTOMATIC TYPING.
Mike obviously tried to do OMERTA'S boys one better by wanting to paint this EDGY shtick as a RACIAL thing. OMERTA'S boys got it right by painting it as a MARKETING thing, and where there's MARKETING, nothing else matters, not even THE LAW. With BOTH stories, we got more AUTOMATIC TYPING.
And of course, what Christmas would be complete without -- THE PAPER OF RE-CORD -- REVIEWING -- THE YULE LOG!!!!!
(What TV were you using, PAPER OF RE-CORD?)
And now some photos -- which will disappear in thirty days, courtesy of Yahoo!:
The national Christmas tree at the Capitol;
A Christmas tree in Kiev's Independence [!] Square (the orange, the caption alerts us, is the official color of Viktor Yushchenko);
Have to use the caption here:
Jenny Richardson (L) and Mathew Bailey from England sit next to a small Christmas tree on a cold and windy Christmas Day, at Sydney's Bondi Beach, December 25, 2004. The crowd was smaller on Sydney's famous Bondi Beach this year due to poor weather and an alcohol ban on the beach. REUTERS/David Gray
Choosing a Christmas tree in -- Tehran;
A Christmas tree in Arbil, Iraq;
A Christmas tree "in the center square of Stavropol, Russia";
Mecys Vaitkevicius sits in his home decorated for Christmas with 100 plastic Christmas trees and 35,000 electric light bulbs, in the village of Simaniskes, some 100 km (62 miles) east of the Lithuanian capital, Vilnius, Thursday, Dec. 23, 2004. Vaitkevicius, a retired engineer, has made it a holiday habit to turn his modest house into a shrine of lights for himself and his friends. (AP Photo/Mindaugas Kulbis)
In Jerusalem's Old City;
And finally (again a caption here):
U.S. Army's 1st. Cavalry Division Sergeant Victor Cordero, from the Dominican Republic, chats with a comrade (obscured) near a Christmas tree at the Cuervo Forward Operating Base in eastern Baghdad, December 24, 2004. U.S. 1st Cavalry Division soldiers celebrated Christmas Eve at their heavily guarded base in the Iraqi capital and all shared a common wish of going back home soon. REUTERS/Faleh Kheiber
AMEN!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
(More to come, if I feel like it.)
The national Christmas tree at the Capitol;
A Christmas tree in Kiev's Independence [!] Square (the orange, the caption alerts us, is the official color of Viktor Yushchenko);
Have to use the caption here:
Jenny Richardson (L) and Mathew Bailey from England sit next to a small Christmas tree on a cold and windy Christmas Day, at Sydney's Bondi Beach, December 25, 2004. The crowd was smaller on Sydney's famous Bondi Beach this year due to poor weather and an alcohol ban on the beach. REUTERS/David Gray
Choosing a Christmas tree in -- Tehran;
A Christmas tree in Arbil, Iraq;
A Christmas tree "in the center square of Stavropol, Russia";
Mecys Vaitkevicius sits in his home decorated for Christmas with 100 plastic Christmas trees and 35,000 electric light bulbs, in the village of Simaniskes, some 100 km (62 miles) east of the Lithuanian capital, Vilnius, Thursday, Dec. 23, 2004. Vaitkevicius, a retired engineer, has made it a holiday habit to turn his modest house into a shrine of lights for himself and his friends. (AP Photo/Mindaugas Kulbis)
In Jerusalem's Old City;
And finally (again a caption here):
U.S. Army's 1st. Cavalry Division Sergeant Victor Cordero, from the Dominican Republic, chats with a comrade (obscured) near a Christmas tree at the Cuervo Forward Operating Base in eastern Baghdad, December 24, 2004. U.S. 1st Cavalry Division soldiers celebrated Christmas Eve at their heavily guarded base in the Iraqi capital and all shared a common wish of going back home soon. REUTERS/Faleh Kheiber
AMEN!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
(More to come, if I feel like it.)
The REAL Baghdad Bob sticks with his boss -- and writes a book too!
For this man (and I believe he is a Christian) there could only be ONE ideal Christmas gift -- HIMSELF.
For this man (and I believe he is a Christian) there could only be ONE ideal Christmas gift -- HIMSELF.
Even on Christmas Day CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES don't take a break from DUBIOUS TYPING.
And a lump of coal in YOUR stocking, TOM. (I can imagine HIS Christmas gifts -- three Rolls-Royces, a private jet....)
And a lump of coal in YOUR stocking, TOM. (I can imagine HIS Christmas gifts -- three Rolls-Royces, a private jet....)
Friday, December 24, 2004
I know I'll never be as omnipotent as STERNO -- heck, I'll be happy if I ever get a hundred visits a day -- but I do hope you read me, and that I make you think. I fear most of my hits are automatic or accidental. I hope somebody out there is clicking on my musings intentionally.
Just discovered this double whammy from Wednesday on the usually reliable PaidContent.org:
Buzz Machine Tops Sorgatz's List For Blog Of The Year: "For being a spokesman against cultural censorship, Buzz Machine is my blog of the year." Sure, it's just one among many such lists or #1 claims but Rex Sorgatz does it so well. (This is where I should mention that paidContent is #15 on the list of 26 "for scouring a wide range of topics between business and technology." Thanks, Rex.) Of course, this is the same guy who predicted President Howard Dean when he put the Dean campaign blog at the top of last year's list.
Which came a few posts before:
Not The End Of Free After All: So much for the death of free content. The Online Journal's Carl Bialik writes of ways that free content has taken root or is increasing buoyed by the surge in online advertising and by evolving strategies. "End of Free" blogger Oliver Travers tells Bialik, "Free is certainly making a huge comeback these last 12 to 18 months."Bialik notes that a number of news organizations were pushing the "end of free" message in the post-bubble-burst era. In a nice touch, he includes the Journal, which ran two special reports in early 2002 "casting doubt on the business plans of ad-supported Web sites, with one lead article headlined 'No More Free Lunch' and another stating, 'The Web as store is a hit. The Web as billboard is a flop.'
So much for sweeping prognostication.
WHAT DO THESE PEOPLE KNOW?
Buzz Machine Tops Sorgatz's List For Blog Of The Year: "For being a spokesman against cultural censorship, Buzz Machine is my blog of the year." Sure, it's just one among many such lists or #1 claims but Rex Sorgatz does it so well. (This is where I should mention that paidContent is #15 on the list of 26 "for scouring a wide range of topics between business and technology." Thanks, Rex.) Of course, this is the same guy who predicted President Howard Dean when he put the Dean campaign blog at the top of last year's list.
Which came a few posts before:
Not The End Of Free After All: So much for the death of free content. The Online Journal's Carl Bialik writes of ways that free content has taken root or is increasing buoyed by the surge in online advertising and by evolving strategies. "End of Free" blogger Oliver Travers tells Bialik, "Free is certainly making a huge comeback these last 12 to 18 months."Bialik notes that a number of news organizations were pushing the "end of free" message in the post-bubble-burst era. In a nice touch, he includes the Journal, which ran two special reports in early 2002 "casting doubt on the business plans of ad-supported Web sites, with one lead article headlined 'No More Free Lunch' and another stating, 'The Web as store is a hit. The Web as billboard is a flop.'
So much for sweeping prognostication.
WHAT DO THESE PEOPLE KNOW?
Blue Country reviews Walt Disney's Mary Poppins. Blue Country is not amused.
I would not expect different from THE PAPER OF RE-CORD and a veteran of Toenail.com, but jeez, here's why we can't expect truthful writing from the ad-blurb copywriters: they're not merely from another planet, they're from another planet in a parallel universe. I've not seen Mary Poppins since its theatrical release and doubt that it's that good, but I do recall it was entertaining. Most people who saw it no doubt found it entertaining. Unfortunately these days the only way a movie gets raves from the blurbists is if it's VIOLENT, and DARK, and -- EDGY (I HATE THAT WORD!!!!!), and confirms that ALL WISDOM RESIDES IN LIBERALS. This pile of words only confirms the essential hermetically-sealed nature of ad-blurbists, a phenomenon proved for all time when the LEGENDARY Pauline Kael belched that she didn't know anyone who voted for Nixon. To be sure, it's not just liberals; after P. R. MEL and his WHAP!!!!!FEST I know I don't trust con-SER-va-tive ad-blurbists like Michael "The Ninny" Medved because they have cement helmets for skulls guarding the hollow core where their brains should be, just as with liberals; but the liberals are worse because they're INESCAPABLE.
Besides, it can't be that bad if THE BRITISH like it, though it be transmuted to the stage by LORD SCHLOCKINTOSH.
I would not expect different from THE PAPER OF RE-CORD and a veteran of Toenail.com, but jeez, here's why we can't expect truthful writing from the ad-blurb copywriters: they're not merely from another planet, they're from another planet in a parallel universe. I've not seen Mary Poppins since its theatrical release and doubt that it's that good, but I do recall it was entertaining. Most people who saw it no doubt found it entertaining. Unfortunately these days the only way a movie gets raves from the blurbists is if it's VIOLENT, and DARK, and -- EDGY (I HATE THAT WORD!!!!!), and confirms that ALL WISDOM RESIDES IN LIBERALS. This pile of words only confirms the essential hermetically-sealed nature of ad-blurbists, a phenomenon proved for all time when the LEGENDARY Pauline Kael belched that she didn't know anyone who voted for Nixon. To be sure, it's not just liberals; after P. R. MEL and his WHAP!!!!!FEST I know I don't trust con-SER-va-tive ad-blurbists like Michael "The Ninny" Medved because they have cement helmets for skulls guarding the hollow core where their brains should be, just as with liberals; but the liberals are worse because they're INESCAPABLE.
Besides, it can't be that bad if THE BRITISH like it, though it be transmuted to the stage by LORD SCHLOCKINTOSH.
Tony has been so busy saving the world he has a worse attendance record than did JOHN KERRY.
We still like you, Tony, but then you're not OUR PM.
We still like you, Tony, but then you're not OUR PM.
And speaking of EDGY, HIP-HOP, and AAAAAAAATTITUUUUUUUUUDE, I see the PR boys are selling this one, which means it'll be a flat-out unmitigated BORE, and typical of a low-scoring, defense-laden, EDGY, HIP-HOP GAME WITH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTITUUUUUUDE.
More intrepid searching for what the hacks insist is news:
You can deck the halls with holly, but the tree, these days, is likely to be made of plastic.
Among Americans who put up a Christmas tree, a majority — 58 percent in the latest ABC News/Washington Post poll — say they use an artificial tree rather than a real one. That's a sharp increase from 40 percent in a Gallup poll 15 years ago.
Growers have noticed: The National Christmas Tree Association is running a game called "Attack of the Mutant Artificial Trees" on its Web site, with instructions that say, "The artificial trees have mutated and are sucking the spirit out of Christmas. Help the elf beat these bad guys by hitting them with snowballs!"
Yes but you can't beat the smell of real plastic.
You can deck the halls with holly, but the tree, these days, is likely to be made of plastic.
Among Americans who put up a Christmas tree, a majority — 58 percent in the latest ABC News/Washington Post poll — say they use an artificial tree rather than a real one. That's a sharp increase from 40 percent in a Gallup poll 15 years ago.
Growers have noticed: The National Christmas Tree Association is running a game called "Attack of the Mutant Artificial Trees" on its Web site, with instructions that say, "The artificial trees have mutated and are sucking the spirit out of Christmas. Help the elf beat these bad guys by hitting them with snowballs!"
Yes but you can't beat the smell of real plastic.
Still as those who've had to consume NEWS HACKERY know, there are good kinds of EDGY and bad kinds. RUMMY is a BAD kind. Only we don't call him EDGY. We call him RED-STATE, REPUBLICAN, CONSERVATIVE, and, of course, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL.
But then most news hacks are so courageous they'd go fleeing from a war zone so fast they'd make Superman look like a burrowing snail.
P. S. CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES are MAD again because the soldiers asked "FRIENDLY QUESTIONS." Hey Curley! Let's sneak a NEWS HACK in another Q-&-A. That should do WONDERS for your REPS.
But then most news hacks are so courageous they'd go fleeing from a war zone so fast they'd make Superman look like a burrowing snail.
P. S. CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES are MAD again because the soldiers asked "FRIENDLY QUESTIONS." Hey Curley! Let's sneak a NEWS HACK in another Q-&-A. That should do WONDERS for your REPS.
Another NEWS HACK CONUNDRUM: [C]RAP is GENIUS FOR THE AGES, and most of the HOOPS PRIMA-DONNAS are SUPERMILLIONAIRES (something we can relate to, as more than a few of our own know big bucks); but if the music and the prima-donnas get too tight it might lead to -- THINGS THAT DON'T LOOK GOOD.
Happily we decided before we let our fingers do the talking. The NBA'S EDGY, and EDGY is a CODE WORD FOR WE LIKE IT.
Two clues that we're dealing with idiots: some "marketing consultant" says it's okay to alienate the "over-40 crowd" (he should know; he's negotiated enough DEALS with ADVERTISERS), and "[t]wo NBA sponsors — the International Dairy Foods Assn. and Nestle — did not return calls for this article." Smashing.
P. S. Thanks, OMERTA, for the EARLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT. Already we're annoyed and Santa hasn't even arrived. BAH HUMBUG to you.
Happily we decided before we let our fingers do the talking. The NBA'S EDGY, and EDGY is a CODE WORD FOR WE LIKE IT.
Two clues that we're dealing with idiots: some "marketing consultant" says it's okay to alienate the "over-40 crowd" (he should know; he's negotiated enough DEALS with ADVERTISERS), and "[t]wo NBA sponsors — the International Dairy Foods Assn. and Nestle — did not return calls for this article." Smashing.
P. S. Thanks, OMERTA, for the EARLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT. Already we're annoyed and Santa hasn't even arrived. BAH HUMBUG to you.
Thursday, December 23, 2004
The whole nation is, of course, delighted to have them home for Christmas. But that does not stop the French public - and the media - from asking the $64,000 question: did France buy the release of its two hostages in Iraq?
OR:
[W]e forget that the phrase "millions for defense, not a penny for tribute" stemmed from America's refusal to acquiesce to French shakedowns during the XYZ affair. And we also forget, by the way, that the phrase, "Herr Kommandant! The Jews are hiding in those woods right over there!" was a wildly popular phrase in France in the early 1940s.
Herr Kommandant! The craven fools are hiding in the government RIGHT OVER THERE!
OR:
[W]e forget that the phrase "millions for defense, not a penny for tribute" stemmed from America's refusal to acquiesce to French shakedowns during the XYZ affair. And we also forget, by the way, that the phrase, "Herr Kommandant! The Jews are hiding in those woods right over there!" was a wildly popular phrase in France in the early 1940s.
Herr Kommandant! The craven fools are hiding in the government RIGHT OVER THERE!
OH oh, Dubya's gonna nominate -- EXTREMISTS TO THE BENCH!!!!!
Even worse -- they're THE SAME EXTREMISTS AS BEFORE!!!!!
SIC 'EM, DEMS!!!!! (PFFH-HH-HH!)
Even worse -- they're THE SAME EXTREMISTS AS BEFORE!!!!!
SIC 'EM, DEMS!!!!! (PFFH-HH-HH!)
CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES take time off from their ANGER IN IRAQ to transcribe a six-graf PRESS RELEASE about how sexy Bill Murray looks in his Speedo.
WHAT NEWS HACKS DON'T SPIN, THEY SELL.
WHAT NEWS HACKS DON'T SPIN, THEY SELL.
Most of our 2.4 million military men and women will be unable to go home for the holidays.
Well I SURE AM SORRY about that. Maybe they ought to desert.
Of course not very terribly many people get to start their own PR-and-SPIN plaything with which to bark commands at their INFERIORS. RIGHT SOB?
Well I SURE AM SORRY about that. Maybe they ought to desert.
Of course not very terribly many people get to start their own PR-and-SPIN plaything with which to bark commands at their INFERIORS. RIGHT SOB?
Stolen gold and silver discs won by Ozzy Osbourne's band Black Sabbath were recovered after thieves dumped them behind trash cans.
Is there symbolism here?
P. S. Two other stolen discs were offered for sale on All People Are Basically Good.com.
Is there symbolism here?
P. S. Two other stolen discs were offered for sale on All People Are Basically Good.com.
Ford Motor Co. is recalling its $140,000 Ford GT supercar to repair a defect that could cause loss of control.
You'd think the people who own this piece of tin would welcome the defect -- it's a new driving challenge.
You'd think the people who own this piece of tin would welcome the defect -- it's a new driving challenge.
The number of Americans who rely on news outlets like NewsMax.com, the Drudge Report and FreeRepublic.com has jumped by 33 percent in just the last the two years....
HEAD FOR THE HILLS!!!!!
HEAD FOR THE HILLS!!!!!
THE FRENCH WATER WORKS MAN who left the faucet running with the drain still plugged up is looking for other companies to ruin.
That should be easy: a fool and his money are easily parted, and the more money he has the more easily the fool's parted.
That should be easy: a fool and his money are easily parted, and the more money he has the more easily the fool's parted.
The Washington Times pays tribute to an outstanding public servant, outgoing Secretary of Energy Spencer Abraham.
Outstanding energy secretaries, a smooch from the Second Lady -- yes, I think THE BLOG OF THE MILLENNIUM IS GOING PLACES!!!!!
Outstanding energy secretaries, a smooch from the Second Lady -- yes, I think THE BLOG OF THE MILLENNIUM IS GOING PLACES!!!!!
Dec. 22, 2004 | Conservative bloggers suggested Monday that an Associated Press photographer was complicit with militants who executed three Iraqi election workers on Baghdad's dangerous Haifa Street on Sunday. They accused the photographer of knowing in advance that the executions were to take place; rather than warn the authorities, they insinuated, the photojournalist went after the disturbing story and images to shock readers and smear the Bush administration's war effort.
Want to read the rest of this article and all of Salon for FREE?
NO.
Want to read the rest of this article and all of Salon for FREE?
NO.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Professional sports monomaniacs learn a new shakedown trick: the tax reappraisal!
And if you don't give us the break, we'll demand another stadium that depreciates!
And if you don't give us the break, we'll demand another stadium that depreciates!
The exact opposite of the defeat-mongering of NEWS HACKS in Iraq is the rose-colored-glasses gang largely working the Web. I can't believe things are going THAT well with all the bombings; nevertheless it serves a purpose for news hacks to play up the negative, a purpose from which they seem unwilling to swerve -- the ultimate return of THEIR PARTY -- DEMOCRATS -- to the WHITE HOUSE and CONGRESS. That the Iraqis have not swayed from holding elections on January 30 is a sign of progress. One hopes, though, for progress to come from more than rituals around the ballot box.
FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION -- that was to be the intellectual panacea for all time, the Cleveland Wrecking Company crew of the mind knocking down -- inhibitions. Who could know the wrecking company would be followed by construction crews putting up mighty censorial edifices of their own? Who could know the relatively mild censorship for social reasons would be followed by the deadly strain of political correctness, the McCarthyism of the left? With a supposed bad replaced by a definite worse, no wonder people speak of freedom of expression in tones reserved for a state funeral.
Well, here's some news to the hacks' liking:
Dangers drive U.S. contractor out of Iraq
Va.-based firm was under contract to rebuild transportation systems
U. S....VA....VIETNAM!!!!!
BUT:
The company is a subsidiary of Orascom Construction Industries, an Egypt-based conglomerate....
Think there might be more than LOCAL DANGERS at work here?
Dangers drive U.S. contractor out of Iraq
Va.-based firm was under contract to rebuild transportation systems
U. S....VA....VIETNAM!!!!!
BUT:
The company is a subsidiary of Orascom Construction Industries, an Egypt-based conglomerate....
Think there might be more than LOCAL DANGERS at work here?
And from ANOTHER rave review for Lord Lloud Wubbish:
The freaked-out cast and crew dub this man a ghost. Christine just calls him her "angel of music," which is true in much the same way that Howard Stern is the king of all media.
STERNO!!!!!!!!!! HE'S ATTACKING YOUR GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE'S ANTI-RELIGIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (PFFH-HH-HH!)
The credits for "The Phantom of the Opera" insist that Andrew Lloyd Webber authored these tunes. But they come crashing through the speakers with such punishing force that it wouldn't be wrong to think Jerry Bruckheimer might have written them.
Which is just as well; Jerry Dreckheimer is the Lord Lloud Wubbish of film.
The freaked-out cast and crew dub this man a ghost. Christine just calls him her "angel of music," which is true in much the same way that Howard Stern is the king of all media.
STERNO!!!!!!!!!! HE'S ATTACKING YOUR GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE'S ANTI-RELIGIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (PFFH-HH-HH!)
The credits for "The Phantom of the Opera" insist that Andrew Lloyd Webber authored these tunes. But they come crashing through the speakers with such punishing force that it wouldn't be wrong to think Jerry Bruckheimer might have written them.
Which is just as well; Jerry Dreckheimer is the Lord Lloud Wubbish of film.
OoooooOOOOOOOOooooooooh, A. O. with B. O. is TETCHY:
"Far too many notes for my taste," sniffs one of the proprietors of the Opéra Populaire in "The Phantom of the Opera." I quite agree. He is talking about the threatening messages that the control-freak phantom (Gerard Butler) is sending to various members of the company, but his complaint applies perfectly to the music of Andrew Lloyd Webber, whose relentless bombast afflicts this movie like a bad case of swollen lymph nodes.
Of course, Lord Lloyd Webber's music is the whole point of the film, and Joel Schumacher, the director, does his best to find a visual style to match the vulgarity and pretentiousness of the soundtrack. He succeeds admirably....
So much for the revenge -- er, the RETURN of the FILM MUSICAL.
"Far too many notes for my taste," sniffs one of the proprietors of the Opéra Populaire in "The Phantom of the Opera." I quite agree. He is talking about the threatening messages that the control-freak phantom (Gerard Butler) is sending to various members of the company, but his complaint applies perfectly to the music of Andrew Lloyd Webber, whose relentless bombast afflicts this movie like a bad case of swollen lymph nodes.
Of course, Lord Lloyd Webber's music is the whole point of the film, and Joel Schumacher, the director, does his best to find a visual style to match the vulgarity and pretentiousness of the soundtrack. He succeeds admirably....
So much for the revenge -- er, the RETURN of the FILM MUSICAL.
The idea that people will come back to network news to protest the extreme talking heads won't wash. There is a vast audience for neutral, non-partisan TV news -- heaven knows we're tired of the food fights, especially now that they've spread to the truth-telling BLOGGERS -- but where would the reporters and anchorpoops come from? Where they usually come from: the DO factories and J-schools and newspapers that have given us BIAS before. Neutral, non-partisan news won't happen because too many people have an axe to grind.
Comedians forming a UNION?
That's the funniest joke most of them have ever told.
Long hours, low pay -- plus the food isn't so hot when they toss it at you.
That's the funniest joke most of them have ever told.
Long hours, low pay -- plus the food isn't so hot when they toss it at you.
Analysts guess Washington Post paid $15M-$20M for Slate
That's a LOT for toenail fungus and AAAAAAAATTITUUUUUUUUDE.
That's a LOT for toenail fungus and AAAAAAAATTITUUUUUUUUDE.
This automatic typist does his pal BRENTCORP one better by saying they nominated Pulp Fiction, they nominated Martin's whack job on Jesus, they nominated Titanic and Olly, so hey, they can nominate this. Maybe that's why movies stink -- people MUST ALWAYS offer up EXCUSES.
Another problem with automatic typists is that they type when they don't have to -- in this case, excepting these accidental words:
The Passion is just a sadomasochistic bloodbath with quasi-religious overtones.
Why bother testing your keyboard when you've summed up everything in ONE SENTENCE?
Then again, I could sum the con-SER-va-tive's favorite movie up in one word:
WHAP!!!!!!!!!!
Another problem with automatic typists is that they type when they don't have to -- in this case, excepting these accidental words:
The Passion is just a sadomasochistic bloodbath with quasi-religious overtones.
Why bother testing your keyboard when you've summed up everything in ONE SENTENCE?
Then again, I could sum the con-SER-va-tive's favorite movie up in one word:
WHAP!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
OH oh, JONAH has SENSE?!?!?
I just don't buy it. If you think taking two minutes a day (at most) to sign letters to the families of the fallen is a needless distraction, fine. But if that's the case you should be more outraged when Rumsfeld goes out to dinner and has a long meal. And what about his visits to Walter Reed is that a waste of his time? You should also be cross with President Bush for taking the time out of his day to sign similar letters. Didn't Lincoln write countless letters by hand to families of the fallen while he was working to preserve the Union.
I'm open to more facts. It may be a snafu, where Rumsfeld simply inherited a policy or some such. Maybe he wanted his signature to look its best. Who knows? I also agree that the get-Rumsfeld crowd is using this to, uh, get Rumsfeld. And it would be tragic if this alone were used to topple him.
But I really don't think it's a trivial thing. An aide writes and prints the letter and Rumsfeld gets a stack every other day or so. He signs them between 9:00 AM and 9:02 AM. Done deal.
JONAH HAS SENSE.
I just don't buy it. If you think taking two minutes a day (at most) to sign letters to the families of the fallen is a needless distraction, fine. But if that's the case you should be more outraged when Rumsfeld goes out to dinner and has a long meal. And what about his visits to Walter Reed is that a waste of his time? You should also be cross with President Bush for taking the time out of his day to sign similar letters. Didn't Lincoln write countless letters by hand to families of the fallen while he was working to preserve the Union.
I'm open to more facts. It may be a snafu, where Rumsfeld simply inherited a policy or some such. Maybe he wanted his signature to look its best. Who knows? I also agree that the get-Rumsfeld crowd is using this to, uh, get Rumsfeld. And it would be tragic if this alone were used to topple him.
But I really don't think it's a trivial thing. An aide writes and prints the letter and Rumsfeld gets a stack every other day or so. He signs them between 9:00 AM and 9:02 AM. Done deal.
JONAH HAS SENSE.
HOLY WARRIORS LAUNCH ATTACK: KOS BLAMES BUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
little has a big audience; Kos has a big audience. Do these clowns get into these WWE matches as a means of confirming each other's MEGAEGO? It can't be for any other reason because they ANNOY THE LIVING HELL OUT OF US.
One other thing, little -- you make it sound as though our soldiers died so that Kos could scream. From someone who bleeds red, white and blue I find that vaguely distasteful, no matter how profitable it is for you.
little has a big audience; Kos has a big audience. Do these clowns get into these WWE matches as a means of confirming each other's MEGAEGO? It can't be for any other reason because they ANNOY THE LIVING HELL OUT OF US.
One other thing, little -- you make it sound as though our soldiers died so that Kos could scream. From someone who bleeds red, white and blue I find that vaguely distasteful, no matter how profitable it is for you.
Errrrrrrrrr....
Creator Eric Idle, in the show's announcement, promises it will be "almost as good as anything else opening in Chicago that week."
Which is probably more true than he thinks -- but as I said before, this is going to be a smash no matter how bad it is (and I've no doubt it WILL be bad) because it's opening in Chicago, debut territory of the second coming of CH -- THE PRODUCERS, because the people who pay hundreds of bucks to see Broadway's theme parks want to believe, and because the news hacks, who want to praise anything, want doubly to believe. This much is certain: the fourth or fifth time someone attempts a parody musical based on a movie parody, people may finally find it not-so-funny.
This much too is certain - it is marginally better than ALL SHOOK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!
Creator Eric Idle, in the show's announcement, promises it will be "almost as good as anything else opening in Chicago that week."
Which is probably more true than he thinks -- but as I said before, this is going to be a smash no matter how bad it is (and I've no doubt it WILL be bad) because it's opening in Chicago, debut territory of the second coming of CH -- THE PRODUCERS, because the people who pay hundreds of bucks to see Broadway's theme parks want to believe, and because the news hacks, who want to praise anything, want doubly to believe. This much is certain: the fourth or fifth time someone attempts a parody musical based on a movie parody, people may finally find it not-so-funny.
This much too is certain - it is marginally better than ALL SHOOK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS GUARANTEES WE'LL NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT: News hacks are dancing tonight because they can finally make a big deal of that terrible arson attack in Maryland. Why? Because it "fits" into what the late Michael Kelly called their "template." Why? "The six [accused] men are white, while many of the families moving into the new houses are black." WELL, if we're going to be HONEST, news hacks (which we could not be even face to face with God), we'll admit the last shtick we tried, the environmental extremism shtick, was apparently false also. Let's just say these are idiots, and idiots will set fires.
Andrew Sullivan goes on vacation and his blog gets better!
I don't take this as a cute joke, like the Professor (although most likely that was the intent). No, I take it as a damning comment on what happens when a blogger gets a reputation and an audience and goes on cruise control -- like nearly ALL the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS. Because they're guaranteed the attention they can write whatever they damned well please -- and whatever they write does not please and is not written WELL. But Andy and his pals in megalomania will continue because there are SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS -- and no one else.
I don't take this as a cute joke, like the Professor (although most likely that was the intent). No, I take it as a damning comment on what happens when a blogger gets a reputation and an audience and goes on cruise control -- like nearly ALL the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS. Because they're guaranteed the attention they can write whatever they damned well please -- and whatever they write does not please and is not written WELL. But Andy and his pals in megalomania will continue because there are SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS -- and no one else.
Another POLL of news-gathering habits:
[E]very source has fallen somewhat since 2002, with only news on the Internet gaining, from 15% going there every day two years ago to 20% doing so today.
Some sources dropped heavily: National newspapers are off 4%, from 11% to 7%; NPR is off 5%; local TV news is down 6%; network news down 7%; and PBS news plunged 8%. In that company, local newspapers are doing fairly well, only dropping 3%. Cable news dropped 2%.
But MORE PEOPLE GET THEIR NEWS FROM THE IF-IT-BLEEDS-IT-LEADS LOCAL DO'S THAN FROM ANY OTHER SOURCE!
That's comforting.
[E]very source has fallen somewhat since 2002, with only news on the Internet gaining, from 15% going there every day two years ago to 20% doing so today.
Some sources dropped heavily: National newspapers are off 4%, from 11% to 7%; NPR is off 5%; local TV news is down 6%; network news down 7%; and PBS news plunged 8%. In that company, local newspapers are doing fairly well, only dropping 3%. Cable news dropped 2%.
But MORE PEOPLE GET THEIR NEWS FROM THE IF-IT-BLEEDS-IT-LEADS LOCAL DO'S THAN FROM ANY OTHER SOURCE!
That's comforting.
As expected, ST. WARREN OF BUFFETT BUYS TOENAIL.COM!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!!!!!
Readers are likely to notice little, if any, change in the magazine.
We didn't think so, Jake. You'll still be the same nose-in-the-air table-pounding condescending cutesy-pieing ironically dissembling SUPER-LIBERAL doofuses as before.
Readers are likely to notice little, if any, change in the magazine.
We didn't think so, Jake. You'll still be the same nose-in-the-air table-pounding condescending cutesy-pieing ironically dissembling SUPER-LIBERAL doofuses as before.
Today THE THUNDERING BLOGGERS OF THE CENTURY!!!!!!!!!! THUNDER ABOUT THE "THUNDERING HERD" THUNDERING ABOUT RUMMY AND HIS AUTOPEN. Here is another case of two wrongs. Just because newshacks are reliably unreliable in supporting our military, just because they're blatant hypocrites with an obsession over appearances, just because they could teach the SS how to goosestep, doesn't mean Rummy can get away with his autopen gag, however "SYMBOLIC" it is. He SHOULD pay attention to signing these letters, even IF NEWS HACKS DON'T OR PRIOR SECDEFS (gotta talk like BLOGGERS OF THE CENTURY) HAVEN'T.
How apt that THIS OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE runs on the day of THIS MEGASPIN.
I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I pointed this out back in May, but my name isn't PAUL DRECK and I'm not SAMMY GLICKMAN'S SOCK PUPPET, so no one noticed that WITHOUT THE FLUKE HITS OF P. R. MEL AND P. R. MIKE, MOVIE ATTENDANCE IS DOWN CLOSE TO TEN PERCENT THIS YEAR!!!!!
MOVIES ARE BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!
MOVIES ARE BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!
Back over a year ago, when Ah-NULT wasn't going to run, con-SER-va-tives talked themselves into believing he was just like them. Now that Ah-NULT has said some things con-SER-va-tives profess to be annoyed. Hey buddies, it was YOUR daydreaming that helped elect him.
Support for Iraq war slipping
TRANSLATION: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
Isn't the election over?
TRANSLATION: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
Isn't the election over?
Monday, December 20, 2004
I'm VERY impressed, Jonah, by this research into the names people give soft drinks, but I would have been more impressed had the researchers been able to spell "respondent."
BUT THEN IT WOULDN'T HAVE MADE IT INTO THE CORNER!!!!!
BUT THEN IT WOULDN'T HAVE MADE IT INTO THE CORNER!!!!!
Kids at YMCA swim meet run into cross-dressing ball
Hey what did they expect at the YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-M-C-A!
The Ys are glorified welfare organizations and health spas that serve no real purpose. Lots of people work in them who don't want to know what the letters once stood for. Let's see, YMCA -- we can't call it YOUNG beause that's AGEIST, and we can't call it MEN'S because that's SEXIST, and we can't call it CHRISTIAN because that's AN ESTABLISHMENT OF RELIGION. I'VE GOT IT! WE'LL CALL IT THE A!!!!!
Which I will do the next time these dimwitted orgs make the news. I've also a pretty good idea what I will call the people who pull the next stunt like this.
Hey what did they expect at the YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-M-C-A!
The Ys are glorified welfare organizations and health spas that serve no real purpose. Lots of people work in them who don't want to know what the letters once stood for. Let's see, YMCA -- we can't call it YOUNG beause that's AGEIST, and we can't call it MEN'S because that's SEXIST, and we can't call it CHRISTIAN because that's AN ESTABLISHMENT OF RELIGION. I'VE GOT IT! WE'LL CALL IT THE A!!!!!
Which I will do the next time these dimwitted orgs make the news. I've also a pretty good idea what I will call the people who pull the next stunt like this.
Gore Vidal's New Civil War Play, On the March to the Sea, Gets Premiere at Theater Previews in NC, Feb. 22, 2005
Let me guess: Gore blames the Civil War on -- Dubya, and -- RIGHT-WING RELIGIOUS ZEALOTS, and -- JEWS...AND...
It's opening in DUKIELAND! Home of Dickie V and PC! Hey Dickie! THEY RHYME!!!!!
Let me guess: Gore blames the Civil War on -- Dubya, and -- RIGHT-WING RELIGIOUS ZEALOTS, and -- JEWS...AND...
It's opening in DUKIELAND! Home of Dickie V and PC! Hey Dickie! THEY RHYME!!!!!
BONEHEADED, LUNKHEADED, ONLY-A-NEWS-HACK-COULD-HAVE-THOUGHT-OF-IT HED OF THE DAY:
WE FEEL HIS PAIN (cover-page hed)
I'd rather feel his wallet.
WE FEEL HIS PAIN (cover-page hed)
I'd rather feel his wallet.
EEEEEAAAAARRRRRTTTTTHHHHHQQQQQQUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
If I start covering the blogs, that's all I'll ever do, and I know I'll get confused between fact and fiction. A lot of blogging is fiction. I don't want to write things that aren't true but might stick in my mind as if they are. And how could I get the column written with the sort of stuff I like to put into it?
I notice that some of my excellent editors, bless their hearts, are sensitive to and alarmed by material I want to reprint from the Internet. They get paid to be suspicious. Bloggers, you know, are not apt to be sued, so they can be as fractious as they like. Newspapers don't like getting sued. I leave it to my famous colleagues to blog, and may the best sorter-outer of blog gossip win!
Yes, a lot of bloggers tell fibs. But then, so do a lot of MAINSTREAM JERNALISTS. For my part I find it hard to discern the truth when SO MANY PEOPLE ON BOTH SIDES SPEND THEIR TIME TYPING BEFORE A MIRROR.
And lest we forget, YOUR job, LIZ, is NOT GOSSIP -- IT'S P. R. If blogging can drive PRESS RELEASES and their FLAGRANT DISHONESTY UNDERGROUND, SO MUCH THE BETTER.
If I start covering the blogs, that's all I'll ever do, and I know I'll get confused between fact and fiction. A lot of blogging is fiction. I don't want to write things that aren't true but might stick in my mind as if they are. And how could I get the column written with the sort of stuff I like to put into it?
I notice that some of my excellent editors, bless their hearts, are sensitive to and alarmed by material I want to reprint from the Internet. They get paid to be suspicious. Bloggers, you know, are not apt to be sued, so they can be as fractious as they like. Newspapers don't like getting sued. I leave it to my famous colleagues to blog, and may the best sorter-outer of blog gossip win!
Yes, a lot of bloggers tell fibs. But then, so do a lot of MAINSTREAM JERNALISTS. For my part I find it hard to discern the truth when SO MANY PEOPLE ON BOTH SIDES SPEND THEIR TIME TYPING BEFORE A MIRROR.
And lest we forget, YOUR job, LIZ, is NOT GOSSIP -- IT'S P. R. If blogging can drive PRESS RELEASES and their FLAGRANT DISHONESTY UNDERGROUND, SO MUCH THE BETTER.
I must confess ever since POWER LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! got its BLOGGER OF THE CENTURY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! award from THE TWXSTERS I've been discouraged, a feeling compounded by all the talk about "little bloggers." Doing the awwwwwwwwwww to little bloggers is like Goliath lending a helping hand to David. I'm sure the POWER LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! boys no more care for all the thousands of bloggers typing in obscurity than I care for them. The one hope is that computer technology is the great equalizer -- but how far does that go when nobody reads you? No, the media biz is all about MMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMMM and the rest of us. I'm tired of being part of the rest of us.
I see too that this SUPEREST of SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS has found WONKETTE, much as STERNO found BRENT. Some people are MADE for each other.
I see too that this SUPEREST of SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS has found WONKETTE, much as STERNO found BRENT. Some people are MADE for each other.
IS THE GLIBERAL'S FAVORITE TV SHOW GOING, er, SOUTH????? Probably not. But you have to wonder when you lose a fifth of your core audience in two weeks. You also wonder if with so many people acquiring a visceral hatred of mass media whether it's as easy to build a fad as it used to be. Doubtful as well, but you have to wonder further still if all that LIBERAL PUNDIT TALK ABOUT HYPOCRITES has helped.
Hey JONAH! Doesn't THIS belong in THE CORNER?
And she SAW THE PICTURE. Yes, THIS DEFINITELY BELONGS IN THE CORNER.
(OR to put it correctly, THISS DEFANATELY BE-LONGS INN TH CORRNER.)
And she SAW THE PICTURE. Yes, THIS DEFINITELY BELONGS IN THE CORNER.
(OR to put it correctly, THISS DEFANATELY BE-LONGS INN TH CORRNER.)
Turns out the FIRST-AMENDMENT DESTROYING JOHN ASHCROFT was the meekest of mice in prosecuting pornography.
This is the kinder, gentler, mushier, jellyfishier Dubya.
This is the kinder, gentler, mushier, jellyfishier Dubya.
The "all people are basically good" people purchase another halo in India.
Okay, maybe the government's action was extreme, but to act as though you people are pure -- please. You pull enough comedy every day in your listings.
Okay, maybe the government's action was extreme, but to act as though you people are pure -- please. You pull enough comedy every day in your listings.
Sunday, December 19, 2004
This B. O. weekend had a nice LEMONY smell to it -- down almost 26% from last year!
This sort of thing's happened a LOT lately. You don't suppose moviegoers are getting -- INTELLIGENT? Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
OKAY, CGI Tolkien opened this time last year. But still if movies are as GREAT as the ad-blurb copywriters SAY you'd expect the B. O. to go UP -- as it has NOT for MOST weekends since September.
This sort of thing's happened a LOT lately. You don't suppose moviegoers are getting -- INTELLIGENT? Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
OKAY, CGI Tolkien opened this time last year. But still if movies are as GREAT as the ad-blurb copywriters SAY you'd expect the B. O. to go UP -- as it has NOT for MOST weekends since September.
Ohhhhhhhhhh, to enjoy the season with NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
Here's another gift for you! (WHAP!) And another! (WHAP!) And ANOTHER! (WHAP!!!!!)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO thank you.
Naughty Santa jokes may be funnier, though.
Here's another gift for you! (WHAP!) And another! (WHAP!) And ANOTHER! (WHAP!!!!!)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO thank you.
Naughty Santa jokes may be funnier, though.
And speaking of Dems, ya gotta love MSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Maxine Waters. She keeps it ALL IN THE FAMILY.
Ka-CHINNNNNNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ka-CHINNNNNNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A bunch of Dems goes to the PAPER OF RE-CORD BAR to down a few stiff ones while complaining of Dubya's perfidy.
Oh well, the GOP has the Congress, but hey! You'll ALWAYS have PINCH.
Oh well, the GOP has the Congress, but hey! You'll ALWAYS have PINCH.
Jill Stewart, a California-based columnist, says her state's "intolerance toward Christmas is just another reason why Californians and residents of other blue states are viewed by the heartland crowd as hostile, godless types who can't stand regular folks."
Not entirely true. Californians do have great respect for people's RIGHTS.
Not entirely true. Californians do have great respect for people's RIGHTS.
Meantime, over at MR. MARK'S BLUNDER, they're seeing PURPLE. Aside from this having JONATHAN's grimy hands all over it (and the unspoken notion that by going purple we HOPE SOMEDAY the nation returns to its BLUE senses again), purple is an unhealthy color. It's the color you assume after holding your breath for two minutes. We will not hold our breaths expecting MR. MARK ever to say anything nice about the color RED.
There would be no significance to Time's PERSON of the Year shtick except that people must speculate about it for weeks, and that (one supposes) should drive SALES, which explains why the newsrags' circulation has been FLAT for YEARS.
That said, how could the TWXSTERS have chosen anyone else, like him or not?
I see these clowns have also named a BLOG OF THE YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, which confirms SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS are now in the MMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMM just like everybody else. The good thing is the TWXSTERS notice lots of trends after they've peaked. We can only hope.
That said, how could the TWXSTERS have chosen anyone else, like him or not?
I see these clowns have also named a BLOG OF THE YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, which confirms SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS are now in the MMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMM just like everybody else. The good thing is the TWXSTERS notice lots of trends after they've peaked. We can only hope.