Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Posted
6:03 PM
by Gene
Although we might prefer some of you be off to the Land of NOD.
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5:52 PM
by Gene
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5:06 PM
by Gene
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4:58 PM
by Gene
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4:57 PM
by Gene
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4:57 PM
by Gene
Alas, it didn't bark, as it should have. Friday, February 29, 2008
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1:41 PM
by Gene
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1:19 PM
by Gene
It's a waste of time even with a follow-up.
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1:01 PM
by Gene
1. Matthew analyzes March 4 races [SIC!!!!!!!!!!] 2. (First link from Java pop-up window)
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11:53 AM
by Gene
"We've so much gotten off our heritage ... too sexy, and we use the word sexy a lot and really have forgotten the ultra feminine," said Sharen Turney, Victoria's Secret's chief executive, in a call with industry analysts Thursday. What the hell does this mean? Sales at Victoria's Secret, like many clothing retailers, have been slipping. (Eighth graf) Oh, THAT'S what it means.
Posted
11:45 AM
by Gene
NO COMMENT. OR: It's a real shame that he had to be pulled out because the news leaked. I thought "THE WORLD'S MOST POWERFUL JOURNALIST!!!!!!!!!!" was YOUR FAVORITE, Ms. Travers.
Posted
11:42 AM
by Gene
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10:14 AM
by Gene
Nor has public health improved in the last eight years. Despite all the money in the Kremlin's coffers, health spending averaged 6 percent of GDP from 2000 to 2005, compared with 6.4 percent from 1996 to 1999. Russia's population has been shrinking since 1990, thanks to decreasing fertility and increasing mortality rates, but the decline has worsened since 1998. Noncommunicable diseases have become the leading cause of death (cardiovascular disease accounts for 52 percent of deaths, three times the figure for the United States), and alcoholism now accounts for 18 percent of deaths for men between the ages of 25 and 54. At the end of the 1990s, annual alcohol consumption per adult was 10.7 liters (compared with 8.6 liters in the United States and 9.7 in the United Kingdom); in 2004, this figure had increased to 14.5 liters. An estimated 0.9 percent of the Russian population is now infected with HIV, and rates of infection in Russia are now the highest of any country outside Africa, at least partly as a result of inadequate or harmful legal and policy responses and a decrepit health-care system. Life expectancy in Russia rose between 1995 and 1998. Since 1999, however, it has declined to 59 years for Russian men and 72 for Russian women. At the same time that Russian society has become less secure and less healthy under Putin, Russia's international rankings for economic competitiveness, business friendliness, and transparency and corruption all have fallen. The Russian think tank INDEM estimates that corruption has skyrocketed in the last six years. In 2006, Transparency International ranked Russia at an all-time worst of 121st out of 163 countries on corruption, putting it between the Philippines and Rwanda. Russia ranked 62nd out of 125 on the World Economic Forum's Global Competitiveness Index in 2006, representing a fall of nine places in a year. On the World Bank's 2006 "ease of doing business" index, Russia ranked 96th out of 175, also an all-time worst. PUTIN FOREVER!!!!!
Posted
9:44 AM
by Gene
![]() The USS New York, which is to be christened tomorrow, carries 7.5 tons of WTC steel -- all the better for it to face down our enemies.
Posted
9:16 AM
by Gene
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9:11 AM
by Gene
Yesterday on The Corner and on Wednesday in the Washington Post, I noted that WFB was a critic of the war in Iraq but that he had supported the troop surge. The former point is surely correct but the latter point I'm now less certain about.... Shouldn't we have quit while we were ahead?
Posted
9:03 AM
by Gene
If this idiot hyperbole is true -- and we could more credibly argue WALTER WINCHELL!!!! is the world's most OVERRATED jernalist -- will people like the Professor please justify a one-man SUMNERITE organization? We thought the whole point of the Web was Democracy! No, the whole point of the Web is to scream MEMEME! at the top of your lungs. (Via MediaBistro)
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8:48 AM
by Gene
Problem? What problem?
Posted
8:19 AM
by Gene
If only the rest of corporate America took this enlightened approach, instead of throwing our jobs away in the name of making the shareholders richer -- but as we've said before, any big business that calls itself "international" gives itself carte blanche to commit treason. Thursday, February 28, 2008
Posted
6:32 PM
by Gene
The 40-year-old studio behind such franchises as "Lord of the Rings," "Austin Powers" and "Rush Hour".... In Hollywood they call it tradition. In the rest of America we call it DRECK. "People start out with high hopes for these indie studios," said media analyst Harold Vogel, "But ultimately they encounter rising costs and difficulties in managing the businesses. At some point, the cash flow and balance sheets fall short of their ambitions." TRANSLATION: Maybe lunatics can't run an asylum.
Posted
5:17 PM
by Gene
Slate is now profitable, and that is one of the proudest accomplishments of my life. ...let us remember the accomplishment is even prouder given that it swims in St. Warren's largesse, but enough of that for now. P. S. Bill heply "changed his mind" on Vietnam -- just as he changed his mind on Iraq. That is why we wonder if Bill got into the conservative business because it paid.
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
The website is awash in video, few interesting. Anyone can watch, but the site proves that there is anonymity in numbers. TRANSLATION: YouTube is video Blogger, only too much more so.
Posted
10:20 AM
by Gene
![]() KING CRAZY EDDIE ERUCTETH: "A company can always invest more money in its operations, but, when we make an investment, we expect to earn an appropriate return." TRANSLATION: I'LL LET EVERY LAST STORE FALL DOWN AROUND OUR CUSTOMERS' HEADS BEFORE I - WE SPEND A DIME OF MY -- OUR MONEY ON THEM!!!!!
Posted
10:12 AM
by Gene
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9:57 AM
by Gene
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8:54 AM
by Gene
Honorary Vice-President Mike just doesn't have the same ring to it.
Posted
8:44 AM
by Gene
(Via MediaBistro)
Posted
8:34 AM
by Gene
The only difference between this MORON and Robert "Over the" Hilburn is the subject matter. They both make dense seem spongy. (Via ArtsJournal)
Posted
8:23 AM
by Gene
Please, Honorary, don't EVER stop changing the world! Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Posted
6:02 PM
by Gene
And now, Ray, for reasons entirely not your fault, we have nothing but corner-embellishing, lavishly-scored, full-color B PICTURES.
Posted
5:56 PM
by Gene
IT HAS NO AUDIENCE!
Posted
5:40 PM
by Gene
The House of Representatives brushed aside threats of a White House veto today and voted 236 to 182 in favor of an $18 billion tax package that would rescind a tax break for the five biggest oil giants and use the revenue to boost incentives for wind and solar energy and energy efficiency. Luckily (it says here) the Senile Chamber won't go for it, let alone Dubya, meaning greed -- er, reason will prevail.
Posted
5:38 PM
by Gene
Honest, when do we give up and make murder legal?
Posted
5:27 PM
by Gene
![]() Having read (or attempted to read) these "satires" of THE GREATEST SCREEN COMEDY OF ALL TIME we wonder just how great it was. Given that the ad-blurbists' idea of wit has included nearly every grossout comedy of the last four years we can especially question it. Yes, the razzing is based on jealousy; but yes it's likely to be based on WIDE-EYED ARM-WAVING ENTHUSIASM too. If these "satires" reflect the original we'd say in ten years the efforts of THE GREATEST STRIPPER WRITER OF ALL TIME will be as incomprehensible as the scribblings in the bowels of the Pyramids -- and at least they have archaeologists. (Via the usual ArtsJournal)
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5:24 PM
by Gene
Not likely, however non-partisan the source: criminals tend to be on the lesser side of the bell curve, and so are illegals. Their willingness to do anything to jump our border (not to mention a number of prominent auto accidents caused by illegals) makes us further wonder just precisely how patriotic before the fact they are.
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4:49 PM
by Gene
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2:26 PM
by Gene
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2:14 PM
by Gene
(Via BloomyLite)
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11:24 AM
by Gene
(Revised at 11:40 a.m.)
Posted
11:07 AM
by Gene
That they also have real-estate sections in common might be a reason to doubt them.
Posted
11:02 AM
by Gene
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10:41 AM
by Gene
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
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6:41 PM
by Gene
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6:33 PM
by Gene
![]() Enguhland's aw-shucks-we're-the-people paper the Daily Mail has posted this picture and others from a Web site devoted to Photoshop manipulation (and which it's very careful to misidentify) whose denizens engaged in a "contest" to devise a new Hollywood femme fatale, and of course (if we're to judge from the other entries) they all look a bit weird. Perhaps that's why pixel celebs in movies won't work; they're human like a Scientologist. But aside from the compulsion many have for idle mouse clicking said contest points to the lack of true media femme fatales, which helps explain why going to the movies isn't a mandatory behavior anymore. Monday, February 25, 2008
Posted
7:16 PM
by Gene
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6:36 PM
by Gene
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6:15 PM
by Gene
I throw a tantrum in part because of what Michael "Ninny" Medved said a few days ago in his two-club-footed manner: the Os-CAR®s, whatever their stink quota, were part of the cultural commons, as were the movies they celebrated. Take them out of the commons and we have far less in common. The Founders adopted the motto E PLURIBUS UNUM for a REASON. Also this piece of typing has David "Non" Germain all over it. Another blithering bozo. The lowest RATING since the first Os-CAR® telecast in 1953. Care to top that next year, MOVIE MORONS?
Posted
1:58 PM
by Gene
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1:26 PM
by Gene
A STICK IT UP YOUR WAZOO AWARD to MOG!
Posted
1:17 PM
by Gene
A few more P-Ulitzer winners like last week and we'll call it a national liability.
Posted
1:15 PM
by Gene
Here you just got the knee-jerks on your side and you think THAT?!?
Posted
12:58 PM
by Gene
DOWN TWENTY-ONE PERCENT FROM LAST YEAR!!!!!? LET THE WAILING AND GNASHING OF TEETH BEGIN!
Posted
12:56 PM
by Gene
But but but...it won an Os-CAR®! Sunday, February 24, 2008
Posted
4:50 PM
by Gene
1. Bigbiz thinks it can atone for its sins by wearing a green skin, which alas is but a chameleon-like PC covering for all the very green SLIME underneath. 2. "As proof that it's spending its marketing dollars wisely, Kimberly-Clark Chairman-CEO Thomas Falk told analysts last week that the company expects to spend only 46% of its marketing budget on TV this year, down from 60% in 2004." But if we know a proud member of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers, the 46% is probably larger than the 60%, meaning more junk TV. K-C's marketing spending was up $50 million last year (from a reported $438.4 million in global ad spending in 2006) despite the pressure of rising commodity costs, Mr. Falk said in the company's CAGNY presentation. K-C plans to keep using restructuring savings to raise spending ahead of sales this year and next. What that doesn't translate to for either company, however, is more TV ads. For Unilever, in fact, it means creating fewer ads, even if each ad gets more spending behind it. Knorr, Unilever's biggest global brand, with more than $5 billion in sales, has cut the number of TV ads it produces from around 130 in 2005 to around 30 projected this year. Just because they're producing fewer ads doesn't mean they're using them in fewer places; it just means they can make a dollar go further on JUNK TV. In place of TV, K-C is focusing more a variety of other things, including packaging design, which Mr. Falk said "was not on the radar screen to any extent for any of our brands" a few years ago. "Today packaging design is a marketing channel and is one of the top channels in five of our six [top brands]." You mean these idiots are finally realizing they can sell at the POINT OF PURCHASE? And that their packaging can SELL?!?!? Sorry to make such a big thing of this but it seems every damned consumer products firm is solely in business to finance junk TV and INSULT US WITH ITS ADS. 3. Who would have guessed The Messiah has so many fervent acolytes amongst ad types? And of course they do it for free, which they can afford to do on all the money they make INSULTING US. 4. As if the beverage biz doesn't waste enough resources bottling tap water, now it's selling it to PETS.
Posted
4:33 PM
by Gene
Another prediction: His inaugural speech is almost as long as Tippecanoe's. He'll deliver it without a prepared text. Jeff "Mensa" Greenfield will call it "brilliant."
Posted
1:37 PM
by Gene
Dame Kiri has unwittingly written a motto for the disciples of THE MESSIAH. (Via ArtsJournal)
Posted
12:53 PM
by Gene
By the way, SUPERNIK!!!!!, could it be the lack of "Triple-A presenters and performers" tonight mirrors the lack of Triple-A talent in the BUSINESS? And since you mention it we further hope Diablo (!) has the chance to repeat her performance tonight, which will send the whole American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers contingent into such delirium they'll pay twice as much next year for a thirty -- not that anyone has to coach them. Ub Iger! Better get another couple of million ready!
Posted
11:41 AM
by Gene
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10:51 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:45 AM
by Gene
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