Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

Saturday, August 29, 2009


Michigan football program broke rules, players say

WINNING ISN'T EVERYTHING....oh wait. He coached for someone else.


We just learned about this: Stanley H. Kaplan, the founder of Kaplan, Inc. and savior of KAPLAN, INC., the man who made the SAT teachable, thus turning it into a zillion-dollar obsession, died this week. All the slanting typists at THE DAILY KAPLAN and ZEITGEIST should kneel at their beds every night and pray to his memory; but for him and the patience of ST. WARREN they'd be out of the jobs they deserve to lose.


RENDELLISM is about to develop a new tentacle called "basic research." If we just invest enough in "basic research" it will create jobs. And how many false leads will the Bunsen Honeydews pursue in the interim? And all the easy inventions are accounted for -- what remains is things like teleportation and gray goo, and electronics in the brain. These will create jobs? Please, BizWeek, sell yourself at once!




The cover for the TWXSTERS' putative flagship is not that flattering. Perhaps it's just as well.

Friday, August 28, 2009


Someone must have complained to the TWXSTERS.

Look, we know you can't make that big a thing out of it; it would make you look like cheap partisans. But you can't ignore it either as most hacks have done. It was, after all, the reason HE WAS DOOMED NEVER TO BE PRESIDENT.


Two more reasons the world needed SOB to found USAOKAY!!!!!: for rock mu-SICK cri-TICS to ooh and ahh over those expensive new Beatles sets they're getting for free; and for a comprehensive 773-WORD investigative report on His Omnipotence's golf game.



A NEUHARTHISM OF ALL TIME AWARD TO GANNETT AND USAOKAY!!!!!

P. S. We now learn the picture was taken by the great portrait photographer Yousuf Karsh, the man who pulled the cigar from Churchill's mouth. What did Karsh do to get him to grimace like that? Say his profit margin would go down to 90 percent?

One other odd thing: What do the original NEUHARTH and Dennis Kookcinich have in common? (See page 14 of this .pdf file.) Oddly also GanNETt's personal papers are housed at Cornell, in what Freepers must always call THE CITY OF EVIL. The irony is sublime.

(Edited 11/17/2009 to reflect that the hacks got more than one set, no doubt)


ARCHDaily!



The Hungarian exhibit at this Shanghai expo -- OR: COMMUNISM IS BACK!!!!!

Hungary inveiled the design for their pavillion for next year’s Shanghai World Expo, designed by Tamás Lévai. Gömböc, as a hungarian invention, is the central element of the exhibition, a two meter high solid plexiglass moving object.

What is Gömböc (pronounced as ‘goemboets‘)?
[How about gumbo for honorary Cajun country? --ED] ‘Gömböc’ is the first known homogenous object with one stable and one unstable equilibrium point, thus with two equilibria altogether on a horizontal surface. It can be proven that no object with less than two equilibria exists. The discovery of the inaccessible path has led to the idea of GÖMBÖC. The pavilion as wood is intended to represent this path, and since it is of immaterial nature [unless one of those sticks falls down vertically], we are trying to evoke it with non materials: empty space, light and sounds.

TRANSLATION: COMMUNISM IS BACK!!!!!


“Unless the government is doing something we don’t know about to raise the price of gasoline, we don’t think there’s going to be a lot of demand for small cars,” said John Wolkonowicz, a Global Insight analyst in Lexington, Massachusetts.

BWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

(Via Seeking Alpha)


I LOVE jernalists: Our intrepid typist Lesley seeks to "oust...Miley Cyrus from her mystifying position as The World's Most Famous Teenage Girl" (emphasis added) with another mystifying one. JERNALISTS ARE NEVER WRONG!


More marketers use social networking to reach customers

When do news orgs like USAOKAY!!!!! use it to DETERMINE THEIR CONTENTS -- or are they ALREADY DOING SO?


Also found on LARRY's Web site:



I'd say he already did.


Further on magazines, the fact that HISTORY'S GREATEST EDITOR has chosen a 26-year-old managing editor suggests that the rag biz may not be rocket science. She may be extremely talented, but to succeed amidst JonBoys you need only know how to be trendy and politically intransigent, so pardon us if we're not that impressed.

(Via MediaBistro and HENRY HONEST)


"You're going to find the most powerful story coming from the witness, the victim - you wait. If you take this a step at a time, you're going to fall over backwards and in the end, you're going to find the most powerful heart-warming story."

HEY EFFETE EDELSTEIN! DICK "SYNERGY" CORLISS! A. O.! HERE'S A NEW COLLEAGUE!


Little Malcolm must have called out an ABANDON SHIP! because His site has run a lot of junk lately -- like this. What does this sentence mean, Little Malc?

Larry Platt knows something about the business: He was appointed Philadelphia's editor in chief in September 2002, and went on to win 16 city and regional magazine awards for the storied title.

I know what it means: a lot of insulting puffball articles with ATTITUDE, a lot of showoffy "lifestyle" features, a lot of toadying to advertisers. (Maybe THAT explains why his rags aren't folding.) The moment we stop trusting magazines -- whether it's Larry Platt's empire or Little Malc's -- is the moment they should go out of business -- although by that measure they should have vanished a long time ago.

P. S. We just went on one of Larry's Web sites and this is the hard-hitting stuff we found:

SURVIVAL OF THE AFFORDABLE Big-ticket Savona changes with the times.

THE SECOND ANNUAL COTE CARNIVAL On Sunday, August 23, 2009, Riley Cote of the Philadelphia Flyers hosted the second-annual Cote Carnival for The Multiple Sclerosis Association of America.

SEARCH FIVE YEARS OF PHILLY'S BEST! Search the last five years of Best of Philly, including this year's 299 winners in restaurants, shopping, service and more.

BEST OF PHILLY SNEAK PEAK: RESTAURANTS We’ve got about 90 food and drink winners in BOP this year. Here’s the first glimpse at 10 of them.

ON THE HOMEFRONT: WHALE WATCHING Home editor Lauren McCutcheon fills us in on what she's shopping for right now.

EAT SMART: HEALTHY RECIPES FOR LABOR DAY PICNICS Whip up these smart and simple dishes that’ll satisfy guests without adding pounds
[SIC]

TALK TO US: WHAT ARE YOUR BIG-DAY GLAMOUR PLANS? Check out the work of these six talented local hair and makeup artists to get the inspiration rolling.

CLOSE TO THE CHEST
Home editor Lauren McCutcheon has got her eye on a special bedroom piece from a local eco-friendly designer.

Hey Larry! Since you have this thing against the surely-overpaid head of Philly's public-TV station (nothing about public TV on the home page), we'd like to ask, given these crusading stories, what are you paid? Which gives us a sneaky suggestion: Why couldn't a band of marauding practical jokers invade the local newsstands and take every last blow-in card out of your rags and send them in -- and then cancel their subs? Didn't think you'd like that.



A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO DIRK!

Thursday, August 27, 2009




How long before this has to be torn down because no one wants to live in condos in "dark, two-block-long floors"?

Just because something is old and on the National Register of Historic Places doesn't mean it's that good looking. (See, it's not just starchitects.)



Hint hint?


"Based on our estimates, we're at about almost $67 million in Michael Jackson product!!!!!" (Estimated overemphasis added)

And how much of that is returns?


More "proof" the economy is COMING BACK!!!!!:

Financial Times launches luxury magazine

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


Look who made 483 MILLION SMACKERS for Mr. MorganChase!

“[I] suspect that J.P. Morgan Chase’s shareholders now wish that [Madoff] put his deposits in a competitor’s bank,” Mr. Wilson wrote.

Knowing Mr. MorganChase's shareholders they're thinking he didn't deposit enough.


How apt. We could speak of how news hacks and their peons live in different worlds but really, this is enough.

(Via GRATE.com. Currently it's not, but three of the top five search terms are -- never mind.)

P. S. at 5:20 p. m. This leads us to reckon that as with the PROFIT CENTER, lots of bad-taste jokes are sprouting on the Web. What the ANDERSONS fail to realize is that the more they detach their coverage from reality, the more bad-taste jokes may spring up.


ARCHDaily!



The other day we mentioned synagogues that weren't built thanks to the Great Depression, and how they looked like anything. This -- building could be a what? A factory? A library? A research lab? It's a school, actually. Part if the problem with starchitecture is that starchitects are so enamored of themselves they leave no sense of place, and their buildings could be anything.


“It didn’t affect me because there’s, like, a Hong Kong action movie? called Purple Storm and they work in a whole big thing in the plot that they blow up a skyscraper, duhhhhhhhhhh." [AHTISTIC last syllable added]

A spiritual disciple of Karl-HEINNNNTTTTZ wins the BEST PIC-TYURE OS-CAR®!

Well, actually Karl-HEINNNNTTTTZ at least thought it a WUHK of AHT.


Can We Please Give Sam Zell A Break?

No we will not. PVT. ZELL didn't buy Dem Cubbies; that was earlier management. Had he bought the team it would have looked like an act of business genius (although even then it mightn't have qualified because it was a mere act of SELIGISM, before Bud took over). Now PVT. must sell a valuable franchise because he didn't know his ledger books from a hole in the ground. PVT. ZELL burned money. Even an arsonist wouldn't give him a break.

(Via Media Bistro)


It may seem hypercritical of us but Our Orator-in-Chief's flatfooted tribute to "the greatest United States Senator of our time" reminded us of Henry Adams's line about "Presidents, Senators, Congressmen, and such things...swarming in every street." Whatever you thought of Ted Kennedy, he wasn't a thing.


For once The Paper of Re-CORD gets something right by calling Ted Kennedy a "Senate stalwart" -- exactly the term to use -- and not CRONKITING him with the "Liberal Lion" phrase, which is proof the favorite piece of news-hack furniture will always be the CRUTCH.

And I wouldn't use the term too often as PILLHEADS and GLENNS will use it as a PUN, accentuating it with drinking songs and car-crash sound effects. Stay classy, PILLHEADS!


SLIME got far by thinking His customers RETARDS. But He is the very definition of RETARD if He thinks He'll get His turnips to pay for RETARDED junk like THIS.


Guvment is financing a green factory project in Michigan that will end up no doubt employing a fraction of the 4,300 some professional daydreamers have claimed (the plant once on the site employed 5,000 so that's as good a number as any), and that wouldn't get built without the incentives, and which is based on the dubious notion green technology is self-sustaining technology.


You have to wonder -- does this give the Dems the excuse to ram through health-care "reform" under his name?

We may safely assume a hack will be appointed in the Bay State; thus has it always been with its politics.

By the way, state press, the fact that you'll do the Soviet-Party-Chairman-Has-Died routine makes it all the more likely PILLHEADS and GLENNS and their self-publicizing ilk can spew out their noxious gases.


Ted Kennedy could have been a great leader. He had the dynamism, the zeal, and sometimes the hints of that great Kennedy eloquence. But Kennedy, like Nixon, was deeply flawed. With Tricky Dick it was his overarching paranoia; with Teddy it was the belief that his name was an entitlement. He was, like his father, above the law. Part of it also was the awful burden of two assassinations, but he had it in him to fight back, to overcome it. But the ease of being a Kennedy wouldn't permit it. That the state press will ignore en masse THE ACCIDENT does not negate its centrality to Teddy's tragedy. But even if it had not happened, would he have been a great president? The train wreck with Roger Mudd suggests a mental muddle. The irony is as he died there was a leader in the essentials just like him -- and we are now seeing the rotten fruits of a superliberal presidency. But the essentials were there, which makes the story of Ted Kennedy that much more dismaying for its wasted promise.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009


Jo-NAH says someone named "Will Wilkinson asks a very useful question":

Here is a good debate proposition: It ought to be less embarrassing to have been influenced by Ayn Rand than by Karl Marx.

Given some that Ayn Rand's influenced, I wonder.


The decision to retain Bernanke as Fed chief sends a message: The president doesn't think the crisis is over.

But isn't it good news anyway?


So if the Attorney General's new management role in intelligence is "circumscribed", what's the point of it?

But while Holder's move in choosing John Durham to probe agency abuses has roiled the intelligence community and infuriated Republicans on Capitol Hill....

Why is it the hacks' stabs at the truth are almost always unintentional?


The United States and Japan believe United Nations sanctions against North Korea over its recent nuclear test are having a "great impact" on the regime, officials said Aug. 25 after talks between the allies.... [First graf]

Officials did not detail the effects of the sanctions on the regime. [Fifth graf]

NUF SAID.

Monday, August 24, 2009


In other toothless Wolffery, Mike believes His Omnipotence got the Brits to do a deal, which put the onus on them, which will lead to more oil for us, which will lead to peace in the Middle East, which will....

Isn't it time to give your supersharp brain a rest there, Mike?


HILARIOUS, FREEP! HILARIOUS, MIKE!



A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO SUPERGANNETTOID TIM!

AND NEED WE SAY THE SITE'S HILARIOUS TOO! Now we know why we hate movie ad-blurbists.


Surprise: U.S. Sitting On A Big Citigroup Profit

Well! THAT makes up for AIG, Obamamotors, Fannie and Freddie, etc., etc., ETC.


God knows Meteorite.com or whatever it's called has quickly become a tiresome fizzle, and we've done enough favors for our Sophia-seeking friends that we won't post the photo, but if the tale of the plus-side model says something it's not only that beauty can lie outside the anorexic province of the Anna Wintours, it's that in time every man must have his mate, and I say that not having one.


Some people are dense. If we're going to grant an anti-trust exemption to one "troubled" industry why not grant it to every troubled industry? And the news biz was swimming in cash for eons. What did the extremely profitable biz do while it swam in cash after the war? It bought up TV stations and cable systems. What did the extremely profitable biz create while it swam in cash in 1982? USAOKAY!!!!! Who would ever accuse IT of quality jernalism? What is the principal product of the last two decades of intensive reporting? Celebrity gush and the election of several false gods. The biz had all this time to create a good product, and it never did, and now that the supports are falling out from under it a media cri-TIC screams for protection like any tycoon. You made your bed....

(Via the usual Romy, who shook his head so violently you could hear it in Antarctica)

Sunday, August 23, 2009


To every show-biz publicist who used a pun to celebrate this week's fantastic news --



A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD!

P. S. To my two surfers who aren't here looking for PR0N pictures or pictures of sexy fat women in bikinis, this is Frank GanNETt. As in AL. We were getting tired of searching for unflattering pictures of SOB, and besides, looking at this guy, we can truly behold he was his REAL inspiration. We can see him now, his face matching the end of his cigar, his voice graveling gravel, and yelling:

WHAT? You didn't run a show-biz blurb on the front page today? YOU'RE FIRED!

WHAT? Our profit margin's only fifty percent?!? YOU'RE FIRED!

WHAT? You offended a Realtor? YOU'RE FIRED!

WHAT? You TOLD THE TRUTH?!?!? YOU'RE FIRED!


Now maybe Frank was a nice, sweet guy, but usually nice, sweet guys don't look like someone who's had fifty people for breakfast. So we will still celebrate NEUHARTHISMS OF THE WEEK -- with THE ORIGINAL NEUHARTH.

P. S. He ran for president as a Republican. NUF SAID.

P. P. S. We wonder when con-SER-va-tives claim him as one of their own. After all, he ran against the DEMOCRAT candidate Wendell Willkie. Also, Henry Luce invented the "accent on NET" line (but flubbed the dub using two T's). From one tyrannical media mogul to another....


Somebody please tell Em Bob Novak is dead -- unless he wants to put a permanent black border on his site.




In a magazine we'd never heard of until we happened on this piece about Leonard Bernstein -- is TNR starting to use others as crutches? -- Diana Muir Appelbaum offers a testimony to the catastrophe the Great Depression proved for our culture, not least in architecture. The Temple Israel in Boston would have been a fine addition to any city. We wonder indeed that builders don't dust off old plans rather than paying the HIP! hacks who get themselves posted in ARCHDaily! for buildings that leak, or rot, and that rot in any case.



But look at these designs for the Union Temple in Brooklyn. By including these our author unintentionally highlights what's wrong with current Judaism. Doesn't the picture on the left suggest a bank of the era? And the one on the right a downtown train station? Come to think of it that other building could have been a fine university library. Banks, train stations, libraries -- a synagogue can be anything, and perhaps that's the problem with Judaism.


David J. Rothkopf is currently CEO of Intellibridge. He joined Intellibridge following two years (1996-1998) as Managing Director of Kissinger Associates, Inc. Rothkopf was also "co-founder and president of The Newmarket Company LLC. He has served as an adjunct professor at Columbia University's School of International and Public Affairs and at the Georgetown School of Foreign Service." [1]

"Immediately prior to joining Kissinger Associates, Rothkopf served as Acting Under Secretary of Commerce for International Trade, where he led the U.S. Department of Commerce's International Trade Administration. While at Commerce, he developed and chaired the Administration's Big Emerging Markets Initiative, a program cited by President William Jefferson Clinton as among the U.S. government's most important foreign policy priorities. The program focused Commerce Department and other U.S. government resources on developing and enhancing trading relationships with ten of the fastest growing markets in the world (including China, India, ASEAN, South Korea, Mexico, Argentina, Brazil, South Africa, Poland and Turkey)." [2]

"Rothkopf has written extensively on international trade and prior to joining the government, held a variety of senior positions in the private sector, including chairman and ceo of International Media Partners. His book, The Price of Peace: Emergency Economic Intervention and U.S. Foreign Policy, was published by the Carnegie Endowment in May 1998."[3]

"Rothkopf holds a B.A. from Columbia College and attended the Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism."[4]

"David J. Rothkopf, is chairman and ceo of The Rothkopf Group, which specializes in providing high-level advisory and consulting services on international themes for corporations and governments worldwide. Additionally, Mr. Rothkopf serves as President and CEO of Garten Rothkopf, LLC, an international advisory firm specializing in emerging markets investing and risk management related services. The special focus of the company is enhancing market value of a select group of companies the firm has identified as the rising stars of the emerging world.

Mr. Rothkopf has had a distinguished career in business, government and the media and is well-known as an expert on international affairs, international economics and international security issues. He is the co-founder and former ceo of two companies: International Media Partners (publishers of CEO Magazine and Emerging Markets Newspapers, of which he was also editor) and Intellibridge Corporation (pioneer in the field of open-source intelligence gathering and analysis).

"Mr. Rothkopf is also a visiting scholar at the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace where he has recently completed his most recent book, entitled Running the World: The Inside Story of the National Security Council and the Architects of American Power, a behind-the-scenes history of how foreign policy is made in the White House. He has now begun work on his next book, The Superclass, due out in 2008 from Farrar, Straus & Giroux, which will look at global elites and how they are shaping globalization and being shaped by it. Additionally, at Carnegie, Mr. Rothkopf chairs the Carnegie Economic Strategy Roundtable as well as studies focusing on America's role in the world. He also serves as he has for the past 3 years as chairman of the National Strategic Investment Dialogue, an organization of leading institutional investors from across the US. He is also an adjunct professor of international affairs at Columbia University's School of International and Public Affairs.

"Mr. Rothkopf served as Deputy Under Secretary of Commerce of the U.S. for International Trade during the first Clinton Administration and concluded his term in the government with an extended period serving as Acting Under Secretary of Commerce for International Trade where he directed the activities of the International Trade Administration. Subsequently, he served in the private sector as Managing Director of Kissinger Associates, the consulting firm chaired by former U.S. Secretary of State Henry A. Kissinger. After Kissinger and Associates, Mr. Rothkopf was chairman, ceo and co-founder of Intellibridge Corporation, a leading provider of international analysis and open-source intelligence for the U.S. national security community and selected corporations.

"Mr. Rothkopf is the author of over 150 articles on international economic and security themes and is the author, co-author or editor of five books. His articles have appeared in The New York Times, the Washington Post, the Financial Times, the International Herald Tribune, USA Today, the Los Angeles Times, the Miami Herald, the Philadelphia Inquirer, Foreign Affairs, Foreign Policy, International Economy, Blueprint, and many other publications. He has taught or lectured at over a dozen universities. He has also appeared often as a commentator on international issues on both television and radio.

"Mr. Rothkopf also speaks worldwide and is well-known as an event moderator and conductor of scenario exercises. He is a member of the Chairman's Advisory Council at the U.S. Institute of Peace, the Health Advisory Board of the Johns Hopkins/Bloomberg School of Public Health, and of the Center for Global Development. He was educated at Columbia College of Columbia University." [5]

Multiply this by hundreds and you can gather why our foreign policy is so screwed up. Doc-TOR Rothkopf has added to his résumé with an article saying that Hillary is a GREAT secretary of state -- but he's careful not to say how, except that she's appointed all the right people. With CV padding like this on all sides incompetence at State is a given.


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