Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Posted
5:30 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:41 PM
by Gene
Do we have twenty years? Well, if we're going to do a list: 1. STOP CALLING YOURSELVES "JOURNALISTS".
Posted
3:00 PM
by Gene
Where did that factoid come from, JonBoy? If you're going to be THE NEW ICONOCLASTIC ECONOWIZ! and run such contentious assumptions you should footnote them, or link to a source. But JonBoy probably has no more of an idea what the Internet is than SLIME, except that someone's taking his audience away. Well, I can link to two factoids with more heft: ZEITGEIST's circ will have been cut in half over two years, and KAPLAN, INC.'s share price has DECLINED BY 57% IN FIVE YEARS. P. S. The factoid seems to have come from an HHS survey -- and which our intrepid hacks probably got here, from a NORML representative, who says the survey is "highly questionable" but it's accurate enough for us, typical guff from a lobbying group at 1600 K STREET NW.
Posted
2:09 PM
by Gene
We do not say this lightly. People of both political dogmas grin inopportunely. PILLHEAD wanted His Omnipotence to "fail" on day one. Had he said it in words less crass it would have been understandable, but it would not have been PILLHEAD. Former VEEP BIG-OIL showed a slight glint of teeth when he said Leon was "inviting" a terrorist attack. We know how the likes of GEKKO KUDLOW suffer extreme angst when businessmen are prosecuted, and heave idiotic sighs of relief when they're able to buy their way out of prison. But the liberals declared the Fort Hood gunman's religion non-existent, and they did so for a cause, and now thanks to the malevolence that comes from political ossification and the elevation of cheap attitude to a virtue on both sides they can smirk mischievously.
Posted
1:50 PM
by Gene
This story may not have a happy ending. We can see the no-brains' favorite descending double-digits on Saturday and the cathartics' favorite descending to the level of "disappointment", but no one should ever underestimate the movee buff's desire to burn his money.
Posted
10:01 AM
by Gene
"This is where we engage in much of our commerce and buy many of our goods," he said. "And this is where we can export more of our own products and create jobs back home in the process...." So long as we can export Treasurys we're okay. Oh, and our masters the Chinese are cracking down on His Omnipotence memorabilia. No word on burning Obamas. Friday, November 13, 2009
Posted
8:41 PM
by Gene
The Welch and Bartiromo columns were among the magazine's most popular in readership surveys. Just because something's popular doesn't mean it's any good. At least the Bloomy boys realize it. (Via the usual Romy)
Posted
2:28 PM
by Gene
In bull markets, there is often no clear demarcation between fantasy and progress. (Via Seeking Alpha)
Posted
2:23 PM
by Gene
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2:10 PM
by Gene
And a person who can make news just by opening her mouth is a person to be reckoned with, a person who is not going away, a person who is going to play a role in American politics for a long time. How true, however ironic JPOD tried to make it.
Posted
2:06 PM
by Gene
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2:01 PM
by Gene
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1:25 PM
by Gene
*This includes SUPERADAM!!!!! and Effete Edelstein, whose emotional age is closer to six. **Or a PR0N "star", which is increasingly the same thing.
Posted
12:42 PM
by Gene
CNBC's Bartiromo loses her BusinessWeek column [Usual Romy link] And next door to this Romy ponders the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL unleashed by Pat Bu -- William Saf -- SPIRO T. AGNEW. To which we ask, would that corrupt jackanapes have opened his ventriloquist's yap had UNCLE HHHWALT not courageously lost us the war?
Posted
12:41 PM
by Gene
NO COMMENT.
Posted
12:33 PM
by Gene
Oh, and by the way: Pearl Jam’s latest single, “The Fixer,” is the best song the band has released since 1994. Target, here we come. JonBoy said he was going to make The Econowiz II "iconoclastic." What is iconoclastic about throwing words at your readers and hoping they stick? A revered editor can be asinine in many ways, and to JonBoy's infinite self-credit he seems to have found a new way -- but with luck it won't prevent the old, old story of folding.
Posted
12:03 PM
by Gene
Or to put it another way: Think of Lollipop as Paul Kangas with an ego and an attitude and it's instantly apparent how silly this debate is. And the notion that PEOPLE WARNER's waste of bandwidth did this to boost its sudden bonafides as a "centrist network" is absurd on its face -- especially when explained to us by hacks who consider themselves centrists.
Posted
12:02 PM
by Gene
And of course complaining about civilian trials is a CONSERVATIVE thing. Although maybe not: The President did not appear pleased hours later when he was asked about the decision on an international stage, in a ceremonial room at the Kantei, the office of Japanese Prime Minister Yukio Hatoyama...."This is a prosecutorial decision, as well as a national-security decision," Obama continued, again distancing himself from the plan. Pffffffffffffffffffffffffft!
Posted
12:26 AM
by Gene
Lieberman would be wise to remember that the 2010 midterm elections are coming, and some election watchers are predicting the Democrats could pick up one or two more seats. Oh I'm so sorry for the accidental links; my computer must be acting up. P. S. Whatever happened to -- I'll think of his name -- Art Carney, uh, Jim Carrey, uh, Joe Carney -- oh yes! Jay Carney? Thursday, November 12, 2009
Posted
7:23 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:51 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:06 PM
by Gene
![]() Why does the world need a kilometer-tall artificial mountain?!?!?
Posted
5:48 PM
by Gene
![]() A few months back the CEO (or whatever his title is) of Thomas Jefferson University had a tantrum. Jeff (as we locals call it, with some disgust) has turned a whole big thriving chunk of Center City into a dead zone with ugly brick boxes. (Ironic, too, for an institution named after an ARCHITECT, although evidently not that ironic.) Anyway, this tantrum -- and there was a tantrum -- probably involved hundreds of staffers (including the MARKETING DEPARTMENT if it has one, as I suspect it does) and lots of buzzwords, like BRANDING. The result was two glary signs atop a fine old Beaux Arts building opposite the Walnut Street Theatre, Philadelphia Electric's former HQ, now JEFF!!!!!'s HQ (it's called the Edison Building, but why it is not called the JEFFERSON!!!!! Building is beyond me). The signs remind me of how full of it EDDIE!!!!! is when he and like no-brains insist that HEALTH CARE!!!!! and EDUCATION!!!!! will save his precincts, forgetting that HEALTH CARE!!!!! and EDUCATION!!!!! are MOSTLY GOVERNMENT, and more HEALTH CARE!!!!! and EDUCATION!!!!! merely means a glorified welfare state. And Philadelphia has enough HEALTH CARE!!!!! and EDUCATION!!!!! (Cropped from photo posted here. As someone wrote on that site, "While Jeff is rightfully regarded as one of the nation's best hospitals, something we can all be proud of, their conduct as an urban neighbor the last few years has not been such a point of pride." That's putting it mildly.)
Posted
12:09 PM
by Gene
Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner told CNBC Asia Thursday that the government will be able to pay down more debt and borrow less than initially expected because more banks are repaying money to the $700 billion Troubled Asset Relief Program. He added that he expects "substantial repayments" by banks in the coming weeks. The Obama administration is still debating that idea, the Wall Street Journal reported, saying some officials would like to keep some of the unspent money in case of emergencies. I think we know what that means!
Posted
11:50 AM
by Gene
Schwartz Debuts New Lyrics for Bernstein's Mass at Northwestern Nov. 12
Posted
10:53 AM
by Gene
This time when I posted: ![]()
Posted
10:40 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:39 AM
by Gene
These people must be desperate. P. S. AD BY G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE that popped up when I posted this: Counter Terrorism Career Online counter terrorism studies certificate program. Accredited. www.apus.edu
Enough!
Posted
9:32 AM
by Gene
This might be the cue to relaunch our "PLAYER ARRESTED" gag. AS IN: Arizona State senior cornerback Terell Carr has been arrested on suspicion of three misdemeanors and booked into a Maricopa County jail. OR: UW Badgers football player Maurice Moore was arrested early Sunday for operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated, according to a Madison Police Department incident report. OR: A University of Minnesota football player was arrested late Sunday and charged with obstructing the legal process and minor consumption of alcohol. The possibilites are ENDLESS.
Posted
8:50 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:48 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:43 AM
by Gene
And the gang who'll pay umpteen gazillions for Andy Warhol -- ANY Andy Warhol -- couldn't offer a good reason except that he's sexy. Now why can't these clowns and the clowns driving up stocks pass some of their largess on to the rest of us?
Posted
8:25 AM
by Gene
I'm sure everyone involved would agree: just so long as MY ox isn't gored. (Links via MediaBistro -- and by the way, AttyTOOD "works" for the Daily NOOZ) Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Posted
8:45 PM
by Gene
We'd say goodbye and good riddance but this is most likely neither.
Posted
5:34 PM
by Gene
Thankfully a lot of readers will turn away from this glorified plug before they're finished. Alas, we know the outcome: a new game.
Posted
10:30 AM
by Gene
Day FOUR of THE SECOND MASSACRE RALLY! IDIOTS!
Posted
10:18 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:16 AM
by Gene
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Posted
7:08 PM
by Gene
The exact opposite would apply except that former conservatives tend to be adamant about it.
Posted
6:37 PM
by Gene
And the conservatives are correct to blast His Omnipotence's extreme rhetorical fastidiousness, His refusal to endorse certain shared truths that offend Him, His willingness to descend to phony, hollow words to cover up for the fact, and His surpassingly glib ability to acknowledge those who disagree with Him without acknowledging them. And when does He apologize for Hiroshima? Our only solace is that we remember how quickly the friendly buffoon Dubya became irrelevant, and Slick before him, despite his popularity polls. And to repeat one other thing, given that obvious aside to WOLF: Does the IDIOT JEFF BEW-KES watch or read ANYTHING of His company's?
Posted
2:27 PM
by Gene
Pending execution reopens wounds for D.C.-area sniper victims And these keyboard bangers want OUR money?
Posted
2:23 PM
by Gene
Is this going to become his shtick as it was with Dubya?
Posted
1:29 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:32 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:02 AM
by Gene
[C]ompetitors have struggled to attract the TV homes NBC surrendered when the network replaced its 10 p.m. dramas. While some shows including ABC’s “Private Practice” have added viewers, most of the 1.82 million young adults NBC lost have scattered -- to the hundreds of cable channels available, or to the Web, or they are watching programs on digital-video recorders. Likely most of them are still watching junk TV in one or another form, but that so many of the most gullible in the audience can give up TV brings hope that ever more people will give up TV, and that TV will have to give up. (Via IWantMedia)
Posted
9:49 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:24 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:04 AM
by Gene
Politico.com can be EXASPERATING.
Posted
8:56 AM
by Gene
Keep in mind too professional college sports is a glorified subsidiary of BIGMEDIA, and anything even partly owned by BIGMEDIA will have its priorities skewed. And if we know the paper of the SUPER BOWL AD BOWL this new annual survey will backfire as it will provide the impetus for an increased "arms race" in salaries. Monday, November 09, 2009
Posted
8:43 PM
by Gene
Error 503 Service UnavailableService Unavailable Guru Meditation:XID: 497904680 Varnish
Posted
6:38 PM
by Gene
Maybe he was seeking his opinion on religious diversity.
Posted
6:09 PM
by Gene
![]() Not only can STARCHITECTS come up with pretentious buildings, they come up with pretentious reasons: The big dilema [SIC] of this kind of project in the city is the public space, most of the times only approached at ground level. Francisco Mangado’s strategy includes public program along the tower, as a vertical boulevard. After the residences on the first levels, we find a public lobby on floor 27th, with public services and restaurants, where the tower varies in section as you can see on the drawings below. We find more public facilities at the top, continuing with this openness of the program as the tower develops. TRANSLATION: The sky's the limit if they're selling condos -- and how many of the owners will want the PUBLIC in on their fun?
Posted
5:58 PM
by Gene
As for the lunkhead Newt's notion, is His Omnipotence not going to Berlin a TRAGEDY!!!!!!!!!!? No. It might have been nice for him to go, but this Force believes foreign affairs are a net minus, and he can't speak on the topic without the veritable equivalent of Porky Pig's stutter. Which is another way of saying a plague o' both your houses -- and ALL the screamers. (Why no permalink, Politico?)
Posted
2:36 PM
by Gene
Thus if America's best days are truly ahead, the S&P500 could revert to delivering the kind of returns it has over the long-term. The Dow didn't go up a thousand points during the FIRST MASSACRE RALLY due to patriotism, and it won't go up during this SECOND MASSACRE RALLY due to patriotism either. Your typical GOD'S WORKER doesn't care where the country's going so long as he gets his. Yes, patriotism truly is the last refuge of a scoundrel, especially if the scoundrel resides on Wall Street.
Posted
10:38 AM
by Gene
[H]ow deftly the Fed navigates from its present policy matters for the world as well as the United States. If it's too fast, it may kill the economic recovery; if it's too slow, it may spawn bubbles -- and kill the recovery. One thing is clear: whatever the decision, God's Men will win.
Posted
10:12 AM
by Gene
It's official: SLIME is having a senior moment.
Posted
9:55 AM
by Gene
I don't think we have to worry about that, E. J.
Posted
9:44 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:35 AM
by Gene
Why do such obvious things come across to hacks as Zeusian thunderbolts? And I didn't need GAWKER!!!!!, unlike a high-powered CRAINIAC.
Posted
9:23 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:17 AM
by Gene
What is the point of thea-TAH but to spend too much money on tickets, bad meals and valet parking? (Via the usual AHTSJournal)
Posted
9:07 AM
by Gene
And THE ONION "reported" on "pre-traumatic-stress syndrome" THREE YEARS AGO. Sunday, November 08, 2009
Posted
8:37 PM
by Gene
Posted
8:32 PM
by Gene
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8:27 PM
by Gene
![]() I HATE WHEN YOU VEGETABLES TELL ME WHAT TO THINK!
Posted
2:46 PM
by Gene
His Omnipotence has been SO busy obsessing over FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News no wonder He won't make up His mind about that non-existent country somewhere east of Iran until the middle of His third term.
Posted
2:23 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:09 PM
by Gene
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