THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
![[Powered by Blogger]](http://buttons.blogger.com/bloggerbutton1.gif){kind=small}
Saturday, June 09, 2007
We will not defend SLIME, but those who idiotically accuse Him of wanting to turn their ever-lovin' sacrosanct JOURNALS into The Sun may want to look at this.
By accident I've found another cultural Web site one could spend eons on if one had eons to spend: the Cylinder Preservation and Digitization Project in the Department of Special Collections of the Donald C. Davidson Library at the University of California, Santa Barbara. (Whew!) In short, a library's disseminating old acoustical cylinders (primarily Edisons, as that company invented them), and once you get past that scratchy tinny sound you're hooked; I love their opening intros. One problem is a lot of tearing of hair as many recordings of the top vaudeville acts were -- racist; a small and very worthy company called Archeophone duly and humorlessly informs would-be buyers. Some tell us this is early [C]RAP, justifying the later kind. I would never defend racists but at least the old minstrel and blackface stars had one difference: music.
I still try to get to ASIFA-Hollywood when I can -- an absolute national treasure, especially when it posts the ineffably screwloose Milt Gross and the imperishable Cliff Sterrett. I'm no fan of Hef's but I must say I lingered around the Little Annie Fanny post awhile (their second). Am I glad women don't look like that. (Then again, maybe I'm not.)
I still try to get to ASIFA-Hollywood when I can -- an absolute national treasure, especially when it posts the ineffably screwloose Milt Gross and the imperishable Cliff Sterrett. I'm no fan of Hef's but I must say I lingered around the Little Annie Fanny post awhile (their second). Am I glad women don't look like that. (Then again, maybe I'm not.)
I know, we should laugh at Albania -- and we should stop laughing when we remember Enver Hoxha turned the country into a forced-labor camp. The Albanians have reason to be grateful to us.
Some time ago we posted about a meth lab in Peru, Indiana. Alas, it was the birthplace of Cole Porter. Well, the locals have finally finished redoing it as a museum and bed-and-breakfast, so let us give a word of gratitude and remember "You Do Something to Me" (just for an example).
Here again is why the news business deserves its own version of water torture, the rack and the wheel:
What is a hate crime?
Some are asking why no media outcry over murders in which victims were white and suspects are black
That TRIBCO can go so far as to even contemplate such a story after so many decades of the biz' naked hectoring on race tells us that the six- and seven-digit scribblers finally realize they've spent too much of their time staring at the mirror (to put it politely). How many other stories suffer because the infernal hacks have refused to see beyond the noses beneath their pea brains?
We pause, and wish further Mike Kelly hadn't died his untimely death, for he invented a new and useful meaning for the word TEMPLATE.
What is a hate crime?
Some are asking why no media outcry over murders in which victims were white and suspects are black
That TRIBCO can go so far as to even contemplate such a story after so many decades of the biz' naked hectoring on race tells us that the six- and seven-digit scribblers finally realize they've spent too much of their time staring at the mirror (to put it politely). How many other stories suffer because the infernal hacks have refused to see beyond the noses beneath their pea brains?
We pause, and wish further Mike Kelly hadn't died his untimely death, for he invented a new and useful meaning for the word TEMPLATE.
Or as Henry Luce probably once said:
Water torture...the rack...the wheel...but gentlemen, no one has ever perfected torture like us NEWSMEN! Hahaha!
Water torture...the rack...the wheel...but gentlemen, no one has ever perfected torture like us NEWSMEN! Hahaha!
Pat yourself on the back, TOM:
The intense [pat], richly detailed [pat] and shockingly violent vision [pat-pat] of one man, the show's continuing story of mob conflict in New Jersey achieved a STATUS [pat-pat] usually reserved for literary [PAT-PAT], cinematic or theatrical MILESTONES [pat-pat-pat]-- a "Death of a Salesman" [pat-pat-pat-pat], "Streetcar Named Desire" [pat-pat-pat-pat-pat] or "The Godfather" [Oh, well, there's no accounting for tastes].
"Sopranos" seems already to have secured the SEMINAL STATUS [pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat] of CULTURAL LANDMARK [pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat]....An HBO spokesman says research shows that the audience for "Sopranos" includes "the INTELLIGENNNNNNNNNNTSIAAAAAAAAAAA" [pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat].... [Overemphasis and back pats added]
Doesn't it hurt a little?
TRANSLATION: Five years down the line: "The Sopranos: Was It Ever Really That Good?"
The intense [pat], richly detailed [pat] and shockingly violent vision [pat-pat] of one man, the show's continuing story of mob conflict in New Jersey achieved a STATUS [pat-pat] usually reserved for literary [PAT-PAT], cinematic or theatrical MILESTONES [pat-pat-pat]-- a "Death of a Salesman" [pat-pat-pat-pat], "Streetcar Named Desire" [pat-pat-pat-pat-pat] or "The Godfather" [Oh, well, there's no accounting for tastes].
"Sopranos" seems already to have secured the SEMINAL STATUS [pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat] of CULTURAL LANDMARK [pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat]....An HBO spokesman says research shows that the audience for "Sopranos" includes "the INTELLIGENNNNNNNNNNTSIAAAAAAAAAAA" [pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat].... [Overemphasis and back pats added]
Doesn't it hurt a little?
TRANSLATION: Five years down the line: "The Sopranos: Was It Ever Really That Good?"
It's Saturday. And for every story that tries to get a grip on the nefarious world of B. O. exaggerations (and it helps when the only two credible sources of data say no comment) we get 10,000 quoting PAUL DRECK.
Or to put it another way: Arthur Andersen is alive and well and living in Hollywood -- and his PR department employs thousands.
Or to put it another way: Arthur Andersen is alive and well and living in Hollywood -- and his PR department employs thousands.
Here the World's Oldest Adolescent is a money-grubbing PC ass, and then occasionally his mind will wake up, and he'll speak of a "deep freeze" with the Russians. Why couldn't it have been on all the time?
PEOPLE WARNER TO THE RESCUE AT A CIRCUS:
Some people handed out T-shirts for the celebrity Web site TMZ.com....
Yes, KING RICHARD, You should be VERY worried.
Some people handed out T-shirts for the celebrity Web site TMZ.com....
Yes, KING RICHARD, You should be VERY worried.
Jagger Plays Gig With Younger Brother
...who's 59.
That Mick is the top act in the biz says something for "music" these days.
...who's 59.
That Mick is the top act in the biz says something for "music" these days.
And elsewhere in the fantasy world of news hacks, where the thinking gets smaller and smaller all the time:
David Aldridge | NBA's conflict with 'The Sopranos' a real crime
So here's an idea, Dave: Let's postpone the game so you and your comrades in onanism can watch the show you and your fellow lockstep thinkers made an immortal masterwork because you decided you liked it.
This is why I will never buy a newspaper again, and why this biz can't suffer enough for my pleasure.
David Aldridge | NBA's conflict with 'The Sopranos' a real crime
So here's an idea, Dave: Let's postpone the game so you and your comrades in onanism can watch the show you and your fellow lockstep thinkers made an immortal masterwork because you decided you liked it.
This is why I will never buy a newspaper again, and why this biz can't suffer enough for my pleasure.
Cle-VER:
The politically isolated country carefully controls what tourists can see and do, but offers a refreshing lack of sameness. [Top of the home page]
...if you don't stop to think about the suffering, hunger and deprivation underpinning the system. [Sixteenth graf of the story]
LALA shoots itself in the foot again. Will these tricks cease under Col. Zell? Why do I think not?
The politically isolated country carefully controls what tourists can see and do, but offers a refreshing lack of sameness. [Top of the home page]
...if you don't stop to think about the suffering, hunger and deprivation underpinning the system. [Sixteenth graf of the story]
LALA shoots itself in the foot again. Will these tricks cease under Col. Zell? Why do I think not?
Friday, June 08, 2007
LOOOOOOOOW RATINGS: It's not just the NHL anymore.
That's what you get for canceling a season, and that's what you get for AAAAAAAATTITUDE.
That's what you get for canceling a season, and that's what you get for AAAAAAAATTITUDE.
Once again, PEOPLE WARNER's cable newsers scourge themselves profitably.
No wonder KING RICHARD's "worried."
No wonder KING RICHARD's "worried."
Rice: History Will Rate Bush Well
Compared to whom, Jimmah? or Warren Harding?
P. S. The Lummox-in-Chief STILL won't quit.
Compared to whom, Jimmah? or Warren Harding?
P. S. The Lummox-in-Chief STILL won't quit.
"Are we men or are we mice?" said Sen. Trent Lott, R-Miss., his party's No. 2 leader. "If we can't do this, we ought to vote to dissolve the Congress and go home until the next election."
1. Highly unlikely, Trent, on two counts: 1. The man behind the Railroad to Nowhere will not give up his lucrative perks, nor will his buddies in malfeasance; and 2. If we know Congress if would probably cost even MORE to send yourselves home.
1. Highly unlikely, Trent, on two counts: 1. The man behind the Railroad to Nowhere will not give up his lucrative perks, nor will his buddies in malfeasance; and 2. If we know Congress if would probably cost even MORE to send yourselves home.
John Daly claims wife tried to attack him with steak knife
We could think up several jokes here, but they would be cruel, so we'll let it go at that.
We could think up several jokes here, but they would be cruel, so we'll let it go at that.
CNBC may have staged a rigged stock-picking contest.
That's okay; CNBC's a rigged channel.
(Via ROMY, who probably bought into news stocks at their highs)
That's okay; CNBC's a rigged channel.
(Via ROMY, who probably bought into news stocks at their highs)
YOU-KNOW-WHO's sent back to jail "screaming and crying" with 1000 TV helicopter crews in hot pursuit.
Which raises two questions: 1. How many accidents have TV helicopter crews caused, and 2. Are they to blame for global warming?
Which raises two questions: 1. How many accidents have TV helicopter crews caused, and 2. Are they to blame for global warming?
A humanitarian LANDMARK:
Clooney, Damon Talk Darfur at Premiere
...of their third-rate fifth-generation-imitation-Rat-Pack movie.
Clooney, Damon Talk Darfur at Premiere
...of their third-rate fifth-generation-imitation-Rat-Pack movie.
Okay boysies and girlsies, mark your calendars: NOVEMBER 8! That's when THE NEXT GREATEST MUSICAL IN HISTORY opens! That's when the NOSEBLEED SECTION sells for $1000! That's when every reviewer's knee shall again bow and every tongue shall again confess that KERNGERSWHIN HAMMERSTEIN IS THE GREATEST ARTIST OF ALL TIME!
That's when Branson East proves it's a diamond-studded irrelevance as usual.
P. S. At the HILTON. Figures.
P. P. S. Speaking of irrelevant:
Number of viewers watching the Tony telecast
Six million, nearly 2 million off from last year.
Sure we aren't being optimistic?
That's when Branson East proves it's a diamond-studded irrelevance as usual.
P. S. At the HILTON. Figures.
P. P. S. Speaking of irrelevant:
Number of viewers watching the Tony telecast
Six million, nearly 2 million off from last year.
Sure we aren't being optimistic?
Now that the immigration mess has ended -- but not the immigration mess -- one must ask why our "leaders" bothered. Perhaps Dubya wanted to show he was something other than the incompetent crouched in the White House bunker, his every utterance carefully controlled lest he create another Bushism. Why did he dare stake so much on so little? Why would he risk whatever infinitesimal goodwill he has left with a bill that, by the very nature of split government, was doomed to be a string tied into a thousand knots, and in an age where courage is merely pulling one on the voters while praising your own superabundance of it? We can see why Whiny Reid wanted this; he wouldn't have to lift a finger and he'd have Dubya wrapped around it. Little could anyone know that a certain entity called the people, in its imperfect form, might object. This whole stupid episode is a mystery of the ages, and happily it's already fading into their darkest recesses -- until we have to face up to illegal immigrants again, and we'll still lack the guts to confront them.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
When hacks coronate people we become suspicious as we never know their true character, the scribblers doing everything they can to hide it. Now it emerges Mr. Price is Right, who "retired" in a wave of glory, has second thoughts and might want to come back. We would remind the professional half-truth tellers that Bob had an embarrassing affair with one of his prize presenters a few years ago, and we doubt if anyone mentioned it, and then wasn't really the time, and people liked him, and we liked him for the goofiness that comes from emceeing a game show for 35 years. But something smells here, even if it isn't an animal pelt.
Plus he helped California's Assembly pass a spay-and-neuter bill, and several illegal news hacks actually had the temerity to present the other side.
Plus he helped California's Assembly pass a spay-and-neuter bill, and several illegal news hacks actually had the temerity to present the other side.
MUSICAL HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTORY:
Rock on with the Goldwaters [John J. Miller]
Had I known about The Goldwaters before Lee Edwards loaned me his LP from 1964, I might have included their ditty "Win in '64" on this list. At any rate, Mike Long and I have written about "the greatest right-wing folk group ever to pluck a banjo" on NRO today. Embedded in the piece are downloadable mp3 files—to the best of our knowledge, you won't find them anywhere else on the web.
06/07 01:07 PM
WRONG.
I think this got posted because it sounds so dorky.
P. S. Excerpts also here. These masterworks have further appeared on WFMU.org. Bozos.
Rock on with the Goldwaters [John J. Miller]
Had I known about The Goldwaters before Lee Edwards loaned me his LP from 1964, I might have included their ditty "Win in '64" on this list. At any rate, Mike Long and I have written about "the greatest right-wing folk group ever to pluck a banjo" on NRO today. Embedded in the piece are downloadable mp3 files—to the best of our knowledge, you won't find them anywhere else on the web.
06/07 01:07 PM
WRONG.
I think this got posted because it sounds so dorky.
P. S. Excerpts also here. These masterworks have further appeared on WFMU.org. Bozos.
Sorry to cite FRONTPAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, but if the Brits are serious about boycotting Israel, maybe we should start getting serious about boycotting Britain. And that's just as bad an idea because the cowards behind this movement are a minority of Britons. But someone will have to teach these dimwits a lesson.
Now the chant among con-SER-va-tives is "commute the sentence." It's still backscratching passing for justice but at least it isn't the sticky wicket of an outright pardon.
YOU-KNOW-WHO is allegedly out of jail, meaning her handlers can torment us with her as usual.
(Via DA POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [No link yet.] How did we know it was TMZ.COM?)
(Via DA POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [No link yet.] How did we know it was TMZ.COM?)
IDIOTS: The Paper of Re-CORD is in grief because The Second Coming of Christ's "memoir" has regally bombed. It wasn't clear before His planned resurrection that it would sell. I suspect most people outside the Beltway didn't give a damn about Him, and those who did hated Him. Moreover His publishers forgot the tragic tale of how the public showed MICKEYMOUSE NIXON the back of its hand when he wrote one too many bound press releases. That the Man is being thus honored is a rich (if posthumous) comeuppance for Him, and a reminder that the public resents its manhandling by its superiors.
P. S. #5,862 in Amazon.com. Hit the road, Jack!
P. S. #5,862 in Amazon.com. Hit the road, Jack!
So Hahvahd Mutual Fund's underlings are scalping "commencement" tickets for The Two Bills.
We would hold our nose except for the fact they may be trying to get some money back on their investments.
We would hold our nose except for the fact they may be trying to get some money back on their investments.
The NAACP is downsizing. In a way it's good news; it says it's achieved its goals. In a way it's bad news, proof the outfit's hopelessly stuck in the past.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
The Harry Ransom Humanities Research Center, the literary archive of the University of Texas at Austin, contains thirty-six million manuscript pages, five million photographs, a million books, and ten thousand objects, including a lock of Byron’s curly brown hair.... [Home-page squib]
Yes, there'll always be a New Yorker.
Yes, there'll always be a New Yorker.
We make fun of the "Clunker Brothers" but we need a strong auto industry as much for our psyche as our pocketbooks. Granted it's just a J. D. Power survey, but for Ford to eke out these quality wins is good news (and we do suspect Toyota is a tad overrated given its recalls) -- but is this more than a fleeting thing? We certainly hope so.
(Link via the Mess)
(Link via the Mess)
Ideologues must fight yesterday's battles to gain control of the history books. Con-SER-va-tives have long said FDR's New Deal hurt the economy. Their new bag is that he allowed the public to accept survival rather than beckon prosperity. But the Great Depression hit harder than a WIZARD OF OZ speech. "Above all," said FDR in his campaign, speaking to a desperate nation, "try something." Had a con-SER-va-tive favorite like Silent Cal (or Herbert Hoover -- why don't con-SER-va-tives lionize him?) remained in office he would have tried nothing. Perhaps only war could have revived America. Whatever his economics at least FDR gave his people courage and confidence enough to endure hard times. Our nation might not exist anymore if it had done nothing.
P. S. Corrected at 6:12 p.m. I doltishly ascribed FDR's remark to his first inaugural address.
P. S. Corrected at 6:12 p.m. I doltishly ascribed FDR's remark to his first inaugural address.
Some -- er, obsessive-compulsives got SUMNER to renew their favorite show. Had the networks listened when it counted -- say, forty years ago -- they wouldn't be in the peanutty pickle they're in now.
Little Malcolm (!) presents THE GEKKO KUDLOW HALL OF FAME, CEOs who quit but whose pay won't. Like Ed Whitacre, once of AT&T:
His pension package includes $4.5 million in annual payments for life, plus an $18.8 million lump sum. He'll also get $25,000 in country club fees, $6,500 in annual home security costs and access to the corporate jet for 10 hours a month. AT&T will also cover up to $19,000 in taxes for these benefits, except for use of the aircraft. Whitacre and his family will also receive free health insurance for life. Plus, he'll get just over $1 million a year for three years to work as a consultant to AT&T during his retirement.
Hello? Hello?!? Must be disconnected. Or Doug McCorkindale of GanNETt, who
got, for life, life insurance, travel accident insurance, executive health insurance, legal and financial counseling services, a home security system allowance, an automobile purchase or monthly allowance, and an allowance for club membership fees. "In addition, the company will provide Mr. McCorkindale substantially similar post-retirement benefits for the remainder of his life as well as ownership of the computer and other home office equipment used at the time of retirement, use of company aircraft, and reasonable access to Gannett offices and facilities."
Betcha we won't see a P-Ulitzer-nominated investigative report in USAOKAY!!!!! about that. Or our all-time favorite, LEGENDARY WELCH, who
got approximately $2.5 million in benefits, including access to GE aircraft for unlimited personal use and for business travel; exclusive use of a furnished New York City apartment that, according to GE, in 2003 had a rental value of approximately $50,000 a month and a resale value in excess of $11 million; unrestricted access to a chauffeured limousine driven by professionals trained in security measures; a leased Mercedes Benz; office space in New York City and Connecticut; the services of professional estate and tax advisers; the services of a personal assistant; communications systems and networks at Welch's homes, including television, fax, phone and computer systems, with technical support; bodyguard security for various speaking engagements, including a book tour to promote his autobiography Jack: Straight from the Gut; and installation of a security system in one of Welch's homes and continued maintenance of security systems GE previously installed in three of Welch's other homes.
Now we know why they lay off all those innocent workers!
His pension package includes $4.5 million in annual payments for life, plus an $18.8 million lump sum. He'll also get $25,000 in country club fees, $6,500 in annual home security costs and access to the corporate jet for 10 hours a month. AT&T will also cover up to $19,000 in taxes for these benefits, except for use of the aircraft. Whitacre and his family will also receive free health insurance for life. Plus, he'll get just over $1 million a year for three years to work as a consultant to AT&T during his retirement.
Hello? Hello?!? Must be disconnected. Or Doug McCorkindale of GanNETt, who
got, for life, life insurance, travel accident insurance, executive health insurance, legal and financial counseling services, a home security system allowance, an automobile purchase or monthly allowance, and an allowance for club membership fees. "In addition, the company will provide Mr. McCorkindale substantially similar post-retirement benefits for the remainder of his life as well as ownership of the computer and other home office equipment used at the time of retirement, use of company aircraft, and reasonable access to Gannett offices and facilities."
Betcha we won't see a P-Ulitzer-nominated investigative report in USAOKAY!!!!! about that. Or our all-time favorite, LEGENDARY WELCH, who
got approximately $2.5 million in benefits, including access to GE aircraft for unlimited personal use and for business travel; exclusive use of a furnished New York City apartment that, according to GE, in 2003 had a rental value of approximately $50,000 a month and a resale value in excess of $11 million; unrestricted access to a chauffeured limousine driven by professionals trained in security measures; a leased Mercedes Benz; office space in New York City and Connecticut; the services of professional estate and tax advisers; the services of a personal assistant; communications systems and networks at Welch's homes, including television, fax, phone and computer systems, with technical support; bodyguard security for various speaking engagements, including a book tour to promote his autobiography Jack: Straight from the Gut; and installation of a security system in one of Welch's homes and continued maintenance of security systems GE previously installed in three of Welch's other homes.
Now we know why they lay off all those innocent workers!
We're tired of talking of the Journals, but:
FOOD FIGHT!
We predicted some time ago (and we would link to our prediction if the Dalai Lamas of Mountain View would let us) that if someone took it over there'd be blood on the floor. The battle for ideological purity has officially begun.
(Via MediaBistro)
P. S. at 11:26 a.m.: The Dalai Lamas relented! Here's the link! Actually I predicted a battle would rage if someone tried improving the paper, but I posted it after St. Warren was rumored to be buying Dow Jones, so I'm half-right.
FOOD FIGHT!
We predicted some time ago (and we would link to our prediction if the Dalai Lamas of Mountain View would let us) that if someone took it over there'd be blood on the floor. The battle for ideological purity has officially begun.
(Via MediaBistro)
P. S. at 11:26 a.m.: The Dalai Lamas relented! Here's the link! Actually I predicted a battle would rage if someone tried improving the paper, but I posted it after St. Warren was rumored to be buying Dow Jones, so I'm half-right.
Nielsens: Record lows for the networks
RECORD HIGHS FOR AD SALES!
MORONS.
(Via IWantMedia, which doesn't update as fast as it used to)
RECORD HIGHS FOR AD SALES!
MORONS.
(Via IWantMedia, which doesn't update as fast as it used to)
These news idiots are so scared of SLIME (because He's "conservative") they're coming up with all sorts of hare-brained schemes to outsmart Him -- and "hare" in this case is a compliment. Now Stale.com's JERNALISM PERFESSER DOCTOWH SHAFUH proposes that the Footsie hire lots of the Journals' staff and leave a rotting hulk behind! Yes, I'm sure it would take on dozens of new reporters. And if all those reporters leave doesn't that give SLIME a chance to hire His evil hacks -- precisely what cranially-challenged hand-wringers like DOCTOWH SHAFUH are hiding under their mahogany desks about?
And just how idiotic is the DOCTOWH?
If "Personal Technology" columnist Walt Mossberg agreed to join the walk to the FT, Murdoch would blow a ventricle and a bladder. Of course, Mossberg would have to take a 50 percent pay cut, which would bring him down to about $500,000, if The New Yorker's report of his compensation can be believed.
I'm sure he would -- just to be free from the Force of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL.
This guy makes Gomer Pyle look smart -- and at least he was a good guy.
(Via -- who else -- Romy, who has a case of coffee nerves without the coffee)
And just how idiotic is the DOCTOWH?
If "Personal Technology" columnist Walt Mossberg agreed to join the walk to the FT, Murdoch would blow a ventricle and a bladder. Of course, Mossberg would have to take a 50 percent pay cut, which would bring him down to about $500,000, if The New Yorker's report of his compensation can be believed.
I'm sure he would -- just to be free from the Force of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL.
This guy makes Gomer Pyle look smart -- and at least he was a good guy.
(Via -- who else -- Romy, who has a case of coffee nerves without the coffee)
No! NO! One of Branson East's tourist traps has SUNK!
This will happen when you make attractions instead of musicals.
Good luck, MARVEL!
(Via Playbill)
This will happen when you make attractions instead of musicals.
Good luck, MARVEL!
(Via Playbill)
And elsewhere within the greenback-covered Ivy halls:
The Greatest is now an Ivy League doctor. Muhammad Ali has been awarded an honorary doctorate of humanities from Princeton University.
NO COMMENT.
The Greatest is now an Ivy League doctor. Muhammad Ali has been awarded an honorary doctorate of humanities from Princeton University.
NO COMMENT.
Any bandwidth devoted to YOU-KNOW-WHO is a waste, and we hate to waste it, but let us say if Poor Boo-Boo is "emotionally distraught and traumatized" she had enough surrogate brain cells to help her avoid it -- and now there's talk from Her Perpetual Boyfriend of A BOOK DEAL FOR HER "PRISON DIARIES." I could just -- cry, pffh-hh-hh!
When U.S. Attorney Roslynn Mauskopf described the alleged terror plot to blow up Kennedy Airport as "one of the most chilling plots imaginable," which might have caused "unthinkable" devastation, one law enforcement official said he cringed.
The plot, he knew, was never operational. The public had never been at risk. And the notion of blowing up the airport, let alone the borough of Queens, by exploding a fuel tank was in all likelihood a technical impossibility.
And now, with a portrait emerging of alleged mastermind Russell Defreitas as hapless and episodically homeless, and of co-conspirator Abdel Nur as a drug addict, Mauskopf's initial characterizations seem more questionable -- some go so far as to say hyped.
All well and good; but that total buffoon named Reid came close to bringing down a plane -- and how many ne'er-do-wells congregated around Osama? And what about that blind yaya who bombed the WTC? Yes, Der Homeland boys may overstate things, but holy cockroaches, shall we say, understate them.
The plot, he knew, was never operational. The public had never been at risk. And the notion of blowing up the airport, let alone the borough of Queens, by exploding a fuel tank was in all likelihood a technical impossibility.
And now, with a portrait emerging of alleged mastermind Russell Defreitas as hapless and episodically homeless, and of co-conspirator Abdel Nur as a drug addict, Mauskopf's initial characterizations seem more questionable -- some go so far as to say hyped.
All well and good; but that total buffoon named Reid came close to bringing down a plane -- and how many ne'er-do-wells congregated around Osama? And what about that blind yaya who bombed the WTC? Yes, Der Homeland boys may overstate things, but holy cockroaches, shall we say, understate them.
The new CEO of Hahvahd Mutual Fund -- which has turned out "seven U. S. presidents", including DUBYA! and "three Canadian prime ministers" (does that include the inspiring Jay Leno look-alike Mr. Mulroney?)! and Little Jeffy! -- says she intends to unite all her subsidiaries into one cohesive conglomerate!
That should be easy. We make lots of money, we're all snobs, we're always right, and we all think alike. Easy.
Why do conformists so often disagree among themselves?
That should be easy. We make lots of money, we're all snobs, we're always right, and we all think alike. Easy.
Why do conformists so often disagree among themselves?
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
When I see stories like this my first thought is dueling condescensions. "Our religious side is better than your religious side!" the hacks will say, and then treat their sides with the disdain deserved of poor, stupid, easily led people. And both sides have their drawbacks: with the right, it is the certainty of always being right; with the left, it's squooshiness and an eagerness to morally compromise. I'd bet the 2008 torture will be decided less by how people pray than (as always) which candidate is the least worst to a whole bunch of people, including the voters.
"We advise them to give up stubbornness and childish games," Ahmadinejad said at a news conference. "Some say Iran is like a lion. It's seated quietly in a corner. We advise them not to play with the lion's tail."
Added Ahmadinejad: "It is too late to stop the progress of Iran."
In Washington, State Department Spokesman Sean McCormack responded: "It isn't."
Wanna bet on that, Sean?
Added Ahmadinejad: "It is too late to stop the progress of Iran."
In Washington, State Department Spokesman Sean McCormack responded: "It isn't."
Wanna bet on that, Sean?
Oh and Paper of Re-CORD, I wouldn't giggle too hard about Rock Bottom Remainders. I got a copy of their masterpiece from an eBay merchant -- with a hole in it.
(PaperofRe-CORD link via the usual ArtsJournal)
(PaperofRe-CORD link via the usual ArtsJournal)
Ms. Travers's fans write:
"YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME! BUSH FEELS THE NEED TO “PARDON” [SIC] ONLY THOSE COMING ILLEGALLY INTO THIS COUNTRY OR ARE ALREADY HERE ILLEGALLY!!" [Overemphasis added]
So I guess he should pardon someone who worked for Veep Big-Oil illegally. That makes sense.
"YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME! BUSH FEELS THE NEED TO “PARDON” [SIC] ONLY THOSE COMING ILLEGALLY INTO THIS COUNTRY OR ARE ALREADY HERE ILLEGALLY!!" [Overemphasis added]
So I guess he should pardon someone who worked for Veep Big-Oil illegally. That makes sense.
IF BUSH CAN BLURT CURSE SO CAN NETWORK TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
These words appeared on the PAPER OF RE-CORD'S FRONT PAGE (minus the PINCHIAN overemphasis). They do NOT appear on the Web site (although Steve's obviously slanted opening graf may have been the cause). Nowhere did I spot a mitigating word like "analysis." I would like the thus-far AWOL public edi-TOR to tell me why this isn't an example of the most egregious bias.
These words appeared on the PAPER OF RE-CORD'S FRONT PAGE (minus the PINCHIAN overemphasis). They do NOT appear on the Web site (although Steve's obviously slanted opening graf may have been the cause). Nowhere did I spot a mitigating word like "analysis." I would like the thus-far AWOL public edi-TOR to tell me why this isn't an example of the most egregious bias.
"Amiable incompetence" -- that's precisely what news hacks want from their bosses, which provides a reason they find SLIME EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL. That and He's "conservative", which is worse.
P. S. at 11:47 a. m. Now here's our kind of buyout: Ron Burkle -- and the UNION! Pffffffffffffffffft!
P. S. at 11:47 a. m. Now here's our kind of buyout: Ron Burkle -- and the UNION! Pffffffffffffffffft!
The League of Roundball AAAAAAAAAAATTITUDE's striking a deal with its "broadcast partners", and, despite lousy ratings:
[S]ources said it will be higher than the current deal’s $765 million annual average.
Proving there'll always be CEOs with shareholder money to burn.
(Via MediaBistro)
[S]ources said it will be higher than the current deal’s $765 million annual average.
Proving there'll always be CEOs with shareholder money to burn.
(Via MediaBistro)
Interesting observations in The Big V today:
When was your last standing ovation? Probably the last time you visited a theater, so routine has that ritual become.
Obviously Branson East and its far-flung franchisees have a discriminating clientele.
And someone's noticed those steep dropoffs at the popcorn restaurants:
[I]t remains to be seen if future summer pics can stay in it for the long haul rather than just break the bank and fade. And whether the glut of hits proves to be a double-edged sword.
A double-edged ALL-TIME RECORD-BREAKING-SUMMER sword?
When was your last standing ovation? Probably the last time you visited a theater, so routine has that ritual become.
Obviously Branson East and its far-flung franchisees have a discriminating clientele.
And someone's noticed those steep dropoffs at the popcorn restaurants:
[I]t remains to be seen if future summer pics can stay in it for the long haul rather than just break the bank and fade. And whether the glut of hits proves to be a double-edged sword.
A double-edged ALL-TIME RECORD-BREAKING-SUMMER sword?
Stock futures point toward sharp losses.
TRANSLATION: Dow up 100 points again, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
TRANSLATION: Dow up 100 points again, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
We have not typed on the Eric Alterman brouhaha as we figured it was just another attention-getting device, but to our pleasure it proves that throwing tantrums in public does have its limits, and when an attitudinal second-string gossip writer calls you "the aging-lefty Lindsay Lohan" you're in trouble -- at least for the moment.
But never doubt the regenerative power of tantrum-throwing pundits.
But never doubt the regenerative power of tantrum-throwing pundits.
In public life "low-key" can be a sneaky euphemism for dull, or do-nothing, but we must confess if more of our pols were low key, like Sen. Craig Thomas, maybe we wouldn't be angry with them all the time.
Monday, June 04, 2007
ANOTHER ARGUMENT AGAINST AD-BLURBISTS: Chris yells that the Branson East "musical" is "HEALTHIER THAN AT ANY TIME IN AT LEAST THE LAST THIRTY YEARS!!!!!", then goes on to cite that popcorn confection for teen girls as pretty good, and says "the fragility of happiness" is better than a decent score, and further says "delightful eclecticism" is the equivalent of quality. Okay Chris, you know everything: name me one well-known tune from any "musical" of the last five years. And name me one from the last ten you can hum (jukebox "musicals" excluded). NUF SAID.
The more ad-blurbists the news biz fires the healthier it will get.
(Via the sometimes annoying ArtsJournal)
The more ad-blurbists the news biz fires the healthier it will get.
(Via the sometimes annoying ArtsJournal)
All that screaming and dirt kicking and cap throwing and he only gets four games?
You'll have to do better than that next time, Lou!
Folks have said much about how allegedly media-savvy the holy cockroaches are, so you'd think they'd know better than to kill off our soldiers. In a crunch our hacks will always help the jihadists; all they had to do was pass some elaborate videos through their outlet in Qatar and they'd have played the scribblers like the proverbial violin for weeks.
The only good thing about it is at least these soldiers were spared becoming part of a cheap protracted evil PR stunt.
The only good thing about it is at least these soldiers were spared becoming part of a cheap protracted evil PR stunt.
B. S. DEFENDER'S DANCIN', DANCIN': SLIME wins one for four-letter words.
Anyone who thinks this is finished believes one of His papers.
Anyone who thinks this is finished believes one of His papers.
Speaking of compromise:
By nearly 3-1, those who have a view say they're against the compromise supported by Senate Democratic leaders and President Bush. However, 58% of those surveyed say they don't know enough about the legislation to favor or oppose it.
Maybe we can sneak this one by in the dark of public opinion, right Jon?
By nearly 3-1, those who have a view say they're against the compromise supported by Senate Democratic leaders and President Bush. However, 58% of those surveyed say they don't know enough about the legislation to favor or oppose it.
Maybe we can sneak this one by in the dark of public opinion, right Jon?
Steve Jobs Motorist of the Week:
A Long Island Expressway driver who was distracted while using his iPod sideswiped an armored car, a pickup truck and a tow truck that had been parked on the side of the highway this weekend, the police said.
What was he doing with his iPod?
A Long Island Expressway driver who was distracted while using his iPod sideswiped an armored car, a pickup truck and a tow truck that had been parked on the side of the highway this weekend, the police said.
What was he doing with his iPod?
IN A STARTLING DEVELOPMENT, THE Big 4 broadcast networks have decided to replace many of their top-rated prime-time TV shows -- including both dramas and comedies -- with a controversial new format dubbed the Full Duration Pod. These "FDPs," as they are becoming known, are controversial because they contain no programming content whatsoever and are comprised entirely of advertising messages.
Why didn't someone think of that before?
Why didn't someone think of that before?
Speaking of SIX SIGMA:
NBC Universal is creating an 11-platform "road block" on the morning of June 14 showcasing Tiger Woods’ opening tee shot at the 2007 U.S. Open golf tournament.
Seven networks and four websites will carry the Today show’s coverage at 8 a.m. ET, which will feature Matt Lauer in New York and NBC Sports announcers Dan Hicks and Johnny Miller on site at Oakmont Country Club in Oakmont, Pa.
The networks on board are NBC, USA Network, CNBC, MSNBC, Bravo, SciFi and Universal HD, while web coverage will be on NBC.com, NBCSports.com, MSNBC.com and CNBC.com. Promotion across all the platforms launches Monday, June 4.
The last time NBC U did something similar was in June of 2005 for the unveiling of a trailer for Universal Pictures’ King Kong.
NBC U has Lexus on board as presenting sponsor of the "road block," which kicks off NBC’s coverage of the U.S. Open June 14-17.
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NBC Universal is creating an 11-platform "road block" on the morning of June 14 showcasing Tiger Woods’ opening tee shot at the 2007 U.S. Open golf tournament.
Seven networks and four websites will carry the Today show’s coverage at 8 a.m. ET, which will feature Matt Lauer in New York and NBC Sports announcers Dan Hicks and Johnny Miller on site at Oakmont Country Club in Oakmont, Pa.
The networks on board are NBC, USA Network, CNBC, MSNBC, Bravo, SciFi and Universal HD, while web coverage will be on NBC.com, NBCSports.com, MSNBC.com and CNBC.com. Promotion across all the platforms launches Monday, June 4.
The last time NBC U did something similar was in June of 2005 for the unveiling of a trailer for Universal Pictures’ King Kong.
NBC U has Lexus on board as presenting sponsor of the "road block," which kicks off NBC’s coverage of the U.S. Open June 14-17.
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The ever receding shadow of LEGENDARY WELCH recedes further:
At Home Depot, ousted Chief Executive Robert Nardelli was devoted to Six Sigma. "Facts are friendly" was a favorite mantra of his, neatly summing up his managerial point of view. Six Sigma was used to streamline the check-out process and strategically place vacuum-cleaner displays, for example. But by-products of the program irritated many at the retailer's stores, who thought its constant data measurement and paperwork sapped time given to customers. The bottom line on Nardelli's tenure: Profitability soared, but worker morale drooped, and so did consumer sentiment. Home Depot dropped from first to worst among major retailers on the American Customer Satisfaction Index in 2005.
Now Nardelli's successor, Frank Blake, another General Electric alumnus, is dialing back on the Six Sigma rigor, giving more leeway to store managers to make decisions on their own. The story unfolding at Home Depot echoes closely what's happening at 3M after James McNerney's reign. There are signs of a similar pullback at many companies, even at GE, where CEO Jeff Immelt is trying to reprogram his management ranks to innovate around a theme of "ecomagination," with mixed success. And at Young & Rubicam, where GE board member Ann Fudge flamed out as CEO after she tried to sell ad execs on Six Sigma.
So has the Six Sigma moment passed? "I think it has," says Babson College management professor Tom Davenport.
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
At Home Depot, ousted Chief Executive Robert Nardelli was devoted to Six Sigma. "Facts are friendly" was a favorite mantra of his, neatly summing up his managerial point of view. Six Sigma was used to streamline the check-out process and strategically place vacuum-cleaner displays, for example. But by-products of the program irritated many at the retailer's stores, who thought its constant data measurement and paperwork sapped time given to customers. The bottom line on Nardelli's tenure: Profitability soared, but worker morale drooped, and so did consumer sentiment. Home Depot dropped from first to worst among major retailers on the American Customer Satisfaction Index in 2005.
Now Nardelli's successor, Frank Blake, another General Electric alumnus, is dialing back on the Six Sigma rigor, giving more leeway to store managers to make decisions on their own. The story unfolding at Home Depot echoes closely what's happening at 3M after James McNerney's reign. There are signs of a similar pullback at many companies, even at GE, where CEO Jeff Immelt is trying to reprogram his management ranks to innovate around a theme of "ecomagination," with mixed success. And at Young & Rubicam, where GE board member Ann Fudge flamed out as CEO after she tried to sell ad execs on Six Sigma.
So has the Six Sigma moment passed? "I think it has," says Babson College management professor Tom Davenport.
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
And just how well is memory-hog Vista doing? The memory biz is set to have "one of its worst business quarters this decade."
Well, look at the bright side: "prices are plunging", so maybe now people will bulk up their computers so they're Vista-capable!
Well, look at the bright side: "prices are plunging", so maybe now people will bulk up their computers so they're Vista-capable!
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Speaking of putting his feet on the desk, some PINCHIAN did it BIG TIME for the Sunday rag: Phil Wrong-Way is NOT like me. I don't make umpteen gazillion a year swinging a metal stick. I don't make umpteen gazillion a year from schmoozing with CEOs. I don't have the potential of making umpteen gazillions from "designing" golf courses. And when I make a horrific mistake I don't have umpteen million watching it on television. Other than that, he's just like me.
PINCH's boys are capable of running some of the most ludicrous heds -- either unbearably coy of outrageously removed from reality. This falls in the latter camp.
PINCH's boys are capable of running some of the most ludicrous heds -- either unbearably coy of outrageously removed from reality. This falls in the latter camp.
"IT LOOKS LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE WANTED TO GET KNOCKED UP THIS WEEKEND! HAHA!" [500-sound-byte-a-day overemphasis and sound effect added]
Any cretinous news hack who quotes from THE BIG FOUR -- Norm Ornstein, Larry Sabato, Perfesser Thompson and PAUL DRECK-- puts his feet on his desk and his mind in the wastebasket.
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO NON GERMAIN!
P. S. at 4:28 p.m. DAMMIT T. K., you're not supposed to look on the bad side!
(First link fixed 9/2/2010)
Any cretinous news hack who quotes from THE BIG FOUR -- Norm Ornstein, Larry Sabato, Perfesser Thompson and PAUL DRECK-- puts his feet on his desk and his mind in the wastebasket.
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO NON GERMAIN!
P. S. at 4:28 p.m. DAMMIT T. K., you're not supposed to look on the bad side!
(First link fixed 9/2/2010)
Over at the Slash they're having a big debate on how to format equations in scientific journals, and dozing through the posts it's easy to see scientists as speaking in Greek symbols to nonbelievers while they're busily talking to themselves in eighteen different tongues and screwing up the world.
OH oh:
"There is a point where they are going to have to do something," says Paul Jackson, a money manager who runs his own firm in Newton, Mass. Jackson has owned GE for a while, but if other stocks keep rising while this one stalls, "there might come a time when our clients tell us to sell GE," he says.
Matthew McCormick, of Cincinnati money manager Bahl & Gaynor, is blunter. "[GE] has to find a way to reward shareholders, or someone will come in and force them to make changes for shareholder value," he says.
For Immelt & Co., the clock is ticking.
The nice thing is GE BANCORP would make a MIGHTY expensive acquisition. Maybe the Chinese could do it.
Tick...tick...tick...tick....
P. S. And this at the end of another press release from an INDEPENDENT (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) financial news-gathering outfit. Yep, SLIME can only do better.
"There is a point where they are going to have to do something," says Paul Jackson, a money manager who runs his own firm in Newton, Mass. Jackson has owned GE for a while, but if other stocks keep rising while this one stalls, "there might come a time when our clients tell us to sell GE," he says.
Matthew McCormick, of Cincinnati money manager Bahl & Gaynor, is blunter. "[GE] has to find a way to reward shareholders, or someone will come in and force them to make changes for shareholder value," he says.
For Immelt & Co., the clock is ticking.
The nice thing is GE BANCORP would make a MIGHTY expensive acquisition. Maybe the Chinese could do it.
Tick...tick...tick...tick....
P. S. And this at the end of another press release from an INDEPENDENT (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) financial news-gathering outfit. Yep, SLIME can only do better.
Elsewhere in Zeitgeist we make fun of Sen. Law-and-Order for being lazy. "[O]ne rival consultant (anonymous so as not to reflect badly on his own man) [hardy-har-har! --ED] tell[s] NEWSWEEK [SIC!], 'I doubt he has the fire in the belly to compete.'"
You tell 'em, Law! Give 'em examples from the series!
You tell 'em, Law! Give 'em examples from the series!
This week in all editions of The Rag of the Zeitgeist:
Are we planning to knock him off or something?
Are we planning to knock him off or something?