THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Saturday, January 16, 2010
As part of my continuing obsession with music downloads I keep finding strange things -- like a musical on golf that is one of the dorkiest things I've ever heard. (No link for obvious reasons.) Not surprising; Peter Jacobsen proved dork and music go together. This wuhk is for people who know nothing of musicals but know enough about golf to think they know something when they know something about nothing. Arnie would chuckle kindly; I can merely cringe. (Amazingly it got a very favorable write-up from The Paper of Re-CORD, albeit with the kind of heavily ironic snicker that seems to be one of its shticks these days.) It is not enough that such a piece of tripe should prove the musical is dead -- it must be a justification for piracy.
On another site (again, no link for obvious reasons -- it's a valuable repository of old soundtracks) I found haunting music from a Columbia B flick called Forbidden Island, one of the last scores by a Hungarian composer named Sandor Laszlo, of whom IMDB.com wrote:
Diagnosed with leukemia in 1955 and given only two years to live, he continued his work in music, and lived fifteen more years.
Such a line is eloquent because it marks the value of perseverance before long odds.
On another site (again, no link for obvious reasons -- it's a valuable repository of old soundtracks) I found haunting music from a Columbia B flick called Forbidden Island, one of the last scores by a Hungarian composer named Sandor Laszlo, of whom IMDB.com wrote:
Diagnosed with leukemia in 1955 and given only two years to live, he continued his work in music, and lived fifteen more years.
Such a line is eloquent because it marks the value of perseverance before long odds.
Thanks to one of TNR's Democratic operatives we learned some "Tea Party Patriots" have proposed a "Contract From America" [SIC!] which includes this 100-watt idea:
No lifetime salary or benefits for Congress
Meaning they'd really be paid by lobbyists. Brilliant!
No lifetime salary or benefits for Congress
Meaning they'd really be paid by lobbyists. Brilliant!
And re the preceding post, a TRANSLATION: Big businessmen are ignorant for cause, and none have more cause to be ignorant than GODS.
(Via Seeking Alpha)
(Via Seeking Alpha)
Leno is believed to make more than $30 million a year in his current job. But the other hosts have not fared too badly either. Letterman, who owns his "Late Show" on CBS, earns well over $30 million annually. And O'Brien reportedly gets a $20-million paycheck for the "Tonight Show."
We hate to flog a horse that is not merely dead but was turned to glue long ago but where does this $80 million come from? From US, through the tax collectors called advertisers. And what has this money (plus the assorted other hundreds of millions in supposed production costs) gotten the advertisers? A deadly self-satire. Oh, they can say, the ratings have gone up. Letterman's ratings went up when he was noted as a ladies' man. This is hundreds of millions incinerated for sheer spectacle, and at least a 3D movie has CGI.
And this article delivers the double-whammy of bringing back Bill Zehme. If ever any writer auditioned to be the next Larry King, it's Bill. Why unearth the guy?
We hate to flog a horse that is not merely dead but was turned to glue long ago but where does this $80 million come from? From US, through the tax collectors called advertisers. And what has this money (plus the assorted other hundreds of millions in supposed production costs) gotten the advertisers? A deadly self-satire. Oh, they can say, the ratings have gone up. Letterman's ratings went up when he was noted as a ladies' man. This is hundreds of millions incinerated for sheer spectacle, and at least a 3D movie has CGI.
And this article delivers the double-whammy of bringing back Bill Zehme. If ever any writer auditioned to be the next Larry King, it's Bill. Why unearth the guy?
“Why would you hand the keys to the car back to the same guys whose policies drove the economy into the ditch and then walked away from the scene of the accident?” Van Hollen said.
And why should we keep the keys with the guys who'd hire two million workers to shovel the ditch away?
And why should we keep the keys with the guys who'd hire two million workers to shovel the ditch away?
Friday, January 15, 2010
TRANSLATION: SLIME and JIM's MASTERPIECE has just launched a CGI arms race with which luck will produce all sorts of unwatchable 3D movies and bankrupt the biz.
Remember CLEOPATRA!
(Via MICHAEL)
Digital pirates illegally downloading millions of popular books, study finds
There goes that profit center.
Whatever can be pirated, will be pirated.
There goes that profit center.
Whatever can be pirated, will be pirated.
JPMorgan Chase & Co reported deep losses on mortgage and credit card loans in the fourth quarter, dashing hopes that consumer credit is on the mend and sending the bank's shares down 2.1 percent.
Quarterly profit soared to $3.3 billion, topping Wall Street expectations, but analysts had been hoping for signs that the bank's credit costs were leveling off or even starting to fall.
In a conference call with investors, Chief Executive Jamie Dimon said, "We don't know when the recovery is."
A God doesn't know when the recovery is?!?
Quarterly profit soared to $3.3 billion, topping Wall Street expectations, but analysts had been hoping for signs that the bank's credit costs were leveling off or even starting to fall.
In a conference call with investors, Chief Executive Jamie Dimon said, "We don't know when the recovery is."
A God doesn't know when the recovery is?!?
Meantime a Democratic Party hack tells us the open secret negotiations on health-care "reform" are "approaching the end", the sort of term whose double meaning wouldn't occur to a fervent Party loyalist, and now we can rushrushrush it through and hope no one notices until we've reelected His Omnipotence in 2012, and we trust this stalwart operative will make many excuses until then.
Zeitgeist hires a new contributing God -- editor!
We wonder why JonBoy didn't do this all along, what with his well-noted infatuation. And the best part is with the fifty people who'll write this for His Omnipotence he can temporarily increase his staff!
(First two links today via MediaBistro)
We wonder why JonBoy didn't do this all along, what with his well-noted infatuation. And the best part is with the fifty people who'll write this for His Omnipotence he can temporarily increase his staff!
(First two links today via MediaBistro)
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Research outfit Sysomos reports that of the 8 billion tweets last year, 24% were from bots. So before you retweet that post, you may want to ask for ID.
GASP! Twitter is another form of SPAM?!?!?
GASP! Twitter is another form of SPAM?!?!?
One site that's definitely lost its appeal is WFMU's blog. It was one thing to play for MP3.com 45 years ago but it's not so edifying now.
Speaking of talk shows the other day as part of my continuing obsession with music downloads I found an album of Doc Severinsen and the Tonight Show band. (Wrong -- it's for sale.) Hearing "Johnny's Theme" you might think it came from a synthesizer. Part of it was the vast overengineering of the day, with its strident highs and fake reverb; but part of it was the band, and this band knew how to play only one way -- LOUD. That some hack arranger mangled great tunes like "One O'Clock Jump" and "Don't Be That Way" intensified the noise. One can't really blame them as they might have wanted to be noticed, playing mostly in and out of commercial breaks, but I like my big band with nuance. If The Tonight Show's still on in five years it may be reduced to a street musician with a Casio organ -- quite fitting, I'm afraid.
We salute Dodge for being "the sole domestic automaker" to entitle its executives to a luxury suite at the SUPER BOWL.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!
The Slickster is right that Haiti needs long-term help but one wonders if geography and history haven't condemned it to misery. It has not escaped our notice that the WORRRRRRULD COMMUNITY is doing for Haiti what it has done for Iran -- dispensing a brimful of platitudes and indifference.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The blogomiasma has made a big thing out of an interview ED MURROW did with some INFAMOUS!!!!! Dubya apparatchik, and goshdarnit if somebody didn't have a chain-reaction pile-up with the obvious:
After being outmaneuvered for nearly 30 minutes, [Murrow] grudgingly admitted that he was "not very equipped to handle the discussion." It was a sobering reminder that for years, a mostly pliant press has allowed a comedian to do a reporters' job. Yesterday, we were reminded how inadequate a solution that really is.
Perhaps a mostly pliant press would do more if it STOPPED WATCHING TELEVISION.
(Second link via, alas, Jo-NAHDOM)
After being outmaneuvered for nearly 30 minutes, [Murrow] grudgingly admitted that he was "not very equipped to handle the discussion." It was a sobering reminder that for years, a mostly pliant press has allowed a comedian to do a reporters' job. Yesterday, we were reminded how inadequate a solution that really is.
Perhaps a mostly pliant press would do more if it STOPPED WATCHING TELEVISION.
(Second link via, alas, Jo-NAHDOM)
Three most recent posts on Calculated Risk:
Rail Traffic in 2009: Lowest since at least 1988
City Budgets under Stress [sic]
MBA: Mortgage Purchase Applications Flat
DOW 30...oh, never mind.
Rail Traffic in 2009: Lowest since at least 1988
City Budgets under Stress [sic]
MBA: Mortgage Purchase Applications Flat
DOW 30...oh, never mind.
“He’s much too old for that job,” quipped the longtime moderator of Face the Nation, Bob Schieffer, who at 72 is three years Koppel’s senior.
You tell him, Bob!
And too rich.
(Via MediaBistro)
You tell him, Bob!
And too rich.
(Via MediaBistro)
In a research report published by Barclays Capital on Wednesday, Anthony J. DiClemente and George L. Hawkey called “Avatar” an “outlier”: a unique event that leaves the business environment around it largely intact.
“While ‘Avatar’ is likely a watershed for digital and 3-D technology,” they wrote, “it does not tell us that the underlying economics of the film business have changed.”
TRANSLATION: SLIME and JIM's mammoth piece of video machinery is not The Jazz Singer.
“While ‘Avatar’ is likely a watershed for digital and 3-D technology,” they wrote, “it does not tell us that the underlying economics of the film business have changed.”
TRANSLATION: SLIME and JIM's mammoth piece of video machinery is not The Jazz Singer.
The recorded...SOUND trade is among the first we'd accuse of price fixing, and price fixing is a big reason for piracy.
P. S. Our friends in Mountain View do it again:
(Via Seeking Alpha)
P. S. Our friends in Mountain View do it again:
(Via Seeking Alpha)
What makes the catastrophe in Haiti far worse is that the country is among those least able to afford it.
This is one of the very few justifications for world government, or even the League of Nations -- and even the most well-intentioned relief efforts find a way to screw up.
This is one of the very few justifications for world government, or even the League of Nations -- and even the most well-intentioned relief efforts find a way to screw up.
Obama Budget Could Include Spending Cuts
1. ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
2. Defense, and...oh, defense should be enough.
3. Spending umpteen gazillion more on our dreams should justify the spending cuts.
Hold on:
Any spending cuts would probably not apply to the Defense Department or entitlement programs like Social Security and Medicare.
They would be concentrated in the roughly 20 percent of government spending that goes to scientific research, education, transportation infrastructure or other domestic programs that are funded by Congress each year.
TRANSLATION: Penny wise, meaningless, or both.
1. ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
2. Defense, and...oh, defense should be enough.
3. Spending umpteen gazillion more on our dreams should justify the spending cuts.
Hold on:
Any spending cuts would probably not apply to the Defense Department or entitlement programs like Social Security and Medicare.
They would be concentrated in the roughly 20 percent of government spending that goes to scientific research, education, transportation infrastructure or other domestic programs that are funded by Congress each year.
TRANSLATION: Penny wise, meaningless, or both.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Here is the most potent symbol of the Wall Street Casino: Anyone who's ever had to shop in A&P stores will know how bad they are (and in the DARK SHADOWS chain they've perfected a new kind of high-end bad); but the people who play the Casino don't know, nor would they want to (although that kerflumph in May might have given them pause). Today GAP announced a $559.6 million quarterly loss and a virtual total writedown of its Pathmark acquisition, but as GEKKO KUDLOWS will gladly tell you, today is just a slight -- pause.
John Simon offers up a eulogy for a good chunk of our culture:
The Public Theater’s Under the Radar Festival, running in New York through this weekend, was established as an outlet for shows considered too marginal for the main stage.
I contend that in these permissive days, an adversarial theater has become undistinguishable and redundant.
The Public Theater’s Under the Radar Festival, running in New York through this weekend, was established as an outlet for shows considered too marginal for the main stage.
I contend that in these permissive days, an adversarial theater has become undistinguishable and redundant.
SLIME's buddy Michael sez SLIME has fired President Ailes, so what is SUPERNIKKI!!!!!'s latest story?
Nominees For Editors' ACE Eddie Awards
(First link via HENRY HONEST, whose name I've let pop up here too often)
Nominees For Editors' ACE Eddie Awards
(First link via HENRY HONEST, whose name I've let pop up here too often)
Although the president has been criticized by many for being overexposed, he's going on six months without holding a press conference (Fox)
That's helped a lot!
That's helped a lot!
Steve Cohen's Ex-Wife Drops Lawsuit!
Why am I supposed to care!
You've been doing this too much HENRY HONEST!
Why am I supposed to care!
You've been doing this too much HENRY HONEST!
Elsewhere in His Omnipotence's favorite journal (or it would be if He ever had a WHINY REID moment):
The appropriate response to the failed Christmas attack is not to open yet another military front but to wind down our wars in Afghanistan, Iraq and Pakistan and emphasize those things that make America an integrated society of many races, faiths and ethnicities.
TRANSLATION: The appropriate response is lock the doors and close the shutters and hope the boogeyman goes away. If His Omnipotence doesn't read The Nation He should, if only to be honest.
The appropriate response to the failed Christmas attack is not to open yet another military front but to wind down our wars in Afghanistan, Iraq and Pakistan and emphasize those things that make America an integrated society of many races, faiths and ethnicities.
TRANSLATION: The appropriate response is lock the doors and close the shutters and hope the boogeyman goes away. If His Omnipotence doesn't read The Nation He should, if only to be honest.
Top 5 Reasons Porn-for-Profit Is Dying
...are in the top 100 in Alexa and Quantcast. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!
...are in the top 100 in Alexa and Quantcast. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!
Obama Plans to Raise $120 Billion From Banking Fees
And who'll pay the fees? The banks!
Your usual brilliance, Your Omnipotence.
And who'll pay the fees? The banks!
Your usual brilliance, Your Omnipotence.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Reid once asked a reporter whether she “spoke English” and urged her to “turn up your Miracle Ear.”
He once said you can tell it’s summertime at the Capitol “because you can smell the visitors, [who] stand out in the high humidity, heat, and they sweat.” He called President George W. Bush a “loser,” Justice Clarence Thomas “an embarrassment” and Bill Frist, his predecessor as majority leader, “amateurish.” He referred to Alan Greenspan as a “hack.” And he had to backtrack after saying the U.S. was “losing” the war in Iraq.
And that's why he should stay as Senate majority leader!
Anyone who can tick off that many must be good!
He once said you can tell it’s summertime at the Capitol “because you can smell the visitors, [who] stand out in the high humidity, heat, and they sweat.” He called President George W. Bush a “loser,” Justice Clarence Thomas “an embarrassment” and Bill Frist, his predecessor as majority leader, “amateurish.” He referred to Alan Greenspan as a “hack.” And he had to backtrack after saying the U.S. was “losing” the war in Iraq.
And that's why he should stay as Senate majority leader!
Anyone who can tick off that many must be good!
Ten months into President Barack Obama's first economic stimulus plan, a surge in spending on roads and bridges has had no effect on local unemployment and only barely helped the beleaguered construction industry, an Associated Press analysis has found.
But it sure did help politicians!
(Via Seeking Alpha)
But it sure did help politicians!
(Via Seeking Alpha)
An advance in the movee aht from PEOPLE WARNER's DC Comics division, posted in full:
"Jonah Hex" is saddling up again, this time for additional shooting.
Warner Bros. [a marque of DC Comics Pictures] and Legendary are assembling Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Megan Fox and Michael Fassbender for a roughly 10-day shoot in the Los Angeles area for the movie, beginning at month's end.
Although no test screenings have taken place, the studio has decided to work on story and action during the shoots, working in 12 pages of additional script mixed in with some re-shoots.
Jimmy Hayward, who co-directed "Horton Hears a Who!" and is making his live-action debut with the movie, remains in the director's chair. He will be joined by "I Am Legend" helmer Francis Lawrence, who was brought in last month to act as a consultant.
("Crank" filmmakers Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, who wrote the "Hex" script, were initially on board to direct the movie back in its early stages but were dismissed because of creative differences with Brolin. Brolin told MTV News at the time he thought the script was "awful" but fell in love with the challenge of doing "the most awful movie I can find" if he could put the people he wanted into key positions.)
The movie originally was scheduled to open Aug. 6, 2010, but was then moved up to June 18--the middle of the summer tentpole season. Some insiders said the new infusion of scenes and money was designed to fix certain problems with the movie; others have said it's being done to beef up the moderately budgeted pic so that it can stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the big-budget tentpole crowd.
"Hex" is based on the DC Comics comic book, a Western featuring a scarred-faced bounty hunter. The movie centers on the gunslinger enlisted to track down a former Confederate general who is raising an army of the undead and bent on liberating the South.
Akiva Goldsman and Andrew Lazar are producing.
"Jonah Hex" is saddling up again, this time for additional shooting.
Warner Bros. [a marque of DC Comics Pictures] and Legendary are assembling Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Megan Fox and Michael Fassbender for a roughly 10-day shoot in the Los Angeles area for the movie, beginning at month's end.
Although no test screenings have taken place, the studio has decided to work on story and action during the shoots, working in 12 pages of additional script mixed in with some re-shoots.
Jimmy Hayward, who co-directed "Horton Hears a Who!" and is making his live-action debut with the movie, remains in the director's chair. He will be joined by "I Am Legend" helmer Francis Lawrence, who was brought in last month to act as a consultant.
("Crank" filmmakers Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, who wrote the "Hex" script, were initially on board to direct the movie back in its early stages but were dismissed because of creative differences with Brolin. Brolin told MTV News at the time he thought the script was "awful" but fell in love with the challenge of doing "the most awful movie I can find" if he could put the people he wanted into key positions.)
The movie originally was scheduled to open Aug. 6, 2010, but was then moved up to June 18--the middle of the summer tentpole season. Some insiders said the new infusion of scenes and money was designed to fix certain problems with the movie; others have said it's being done to beef up the moderately budgeted pic so that it can stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the big-budget tentpole crowd.
"Hex" is based on the DC Comics comic book, a Western featuring a scarred-faced bounty hunter. The movie centers on the gunslinger enlisted to track down a former Confederate general who is raising an army of the undead and bent on liberating the South.
Akiva Goldsman and Andrew Lazar are producing.
Before electronic television, there was mechanical television.
In a sense, the TV biz is going backwards, but then in a sense the pipe is merely catching up with the sewage it conveys.
In a sense, the TV biz is going backwards, but then in a sense the pipe is merely catching up with the sewage it conveys.
Stories like this about how the Saudis are suddenly "liberalizing" strike us as the ultimate expression of wishful thinking. They pop up like clockwork, one suspects on the instigation of WHORVIS Communications, and we would not be surprised if they're timed to deflect embarrassing PR. The day the Saudis really liberalize is the day they put aside the lash and the chador, and stop blessing terrorism in their hearts.
I wonder how many would join me in saying they're sick of hearing of that modern-day version of Red Skelton and the whole lot of overpaid late-night bores. Who watches them? About three percent of the population? What caused them to get this stranglehold of our attention? Just because Jeff Zuck's an immortal demonstration of the Peter Principle does that mean the bores must be plastered on every page? We know the outcome: no-talents keep their zillion dollar salaries, advertisers burn money on shows few watch, hacks like The Original TV Newser! write more insider baseball, and the public is bored by bores.
We've said this before: Politicians may be ethical in word and unethical in deed. Never before have our superiors so gassed of "ethics"; yet our Congresspoops must form the most rapscallious lot since The Gilded Age. That they escape any punishment is an obvious outcome.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
We're convinced CONCAST NETWORK's Jut-Jaw experiment proved so fiercely unpopular with MadAve types because it denied an outspoken and well-heeled minority the chance to fund CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED MASTERPIECES. They will get their chance next fall, but we are still convinced Jay did enough damage at 10 to drive viewers away for good -- and what is more, if some of the marketing crowd are FINALLY showing sense regarding plastering their names on athletes and stadiums, why can't they FINALLY show this same sense with junk television?
Henry Honest keeps running this chart. Could it be, given how China's economy is ZOOMING!!!!! and economists can speak of a BOOM IN JOBS!!!!!, that the people who posit a Republican resurgence may have to eat some mighty serious crow -- even if so much of the recovery is government smoke and stock-market mirrors?
News hacks are always looking for heroes in the kind of people we can't stand, heroes who can get them better jobs. The GRAWF's hack has just tried to turn Eric Schmidt into the next ST. WARREN. We expect Kamal will do a LOT of schmoozing at Davos, and will in time be richly...rewarded for it.
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO KAMAL!
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO KAMAL!
Who'll quit first: the incompetent GOP leader or the blithering Senate majority leader?
Global cooling will strike Hell first.
Global cooling will strike Hell first.