THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Saturday, August 21, 2010
ARCHDaily! informs its admirers that "The Pultry Project [SIC!] is launching Chicken Coop Design Competition"!
May the ugliest, most expensive looking coop win!
And no, we DON'T mean "co-op"! Or maybe we do.
P. S. And in MORE GENIUS from Mountain View:
May the ugliest, most expensive looking coop win!
And no, we DON'T mean "co-op"! Or maybe we do.
P. S. And in MORE GENIUS from Mountain View:
TRANSLATION: 3D was a fad 57 years ago; it's a fad again today.
And the really swell thing is it's probably made the movee S&M crowd even less likely to see "genre films" in 2D. Excellent work -- CONSPIRACY!
P. S. Is America's Sister really THAT big a star outside PEOPLE?
(Via TINA!!!!!)
And the really swell thing is it's probably made the movee S&M crowd even less likely to see "genre films" in 2D. Excellent work -- CONSPIRACY!
P. S. Is America's Sister really THAT big a star outside PEOPLE?
(Via TINA!!!!!)
We were searching for more info on this cretinous publicity stunt when we came across the terrible story of the German tourist killed in a crossfire in Frisco. I fear this is another NO SNITCHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If so, those who wouldn't "snitch" should doubly burn in Hell.
And in more con-SER-va-tive PC, the prosecution of Roger Clemens has become A WITCH HUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Who told Roger and all those other witches to inject themselves with steroids?
Who told Roger and all those other witches to inject themselves with steroids?
I'm waiting for con-SER-va-tives to gloat over this story -- or as PILLHEAD would say, "WHAT CAUSED BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA'S ECONOMY TO GO IN THE TANK WAS BUREAUCRATS WHO LENT MONEY TO PEOPLE WHO COULDN'T AFFORD IT!!!!!!!!!!" -- but if there's one thing the poor need less of it's check-cashing stores.
And in more Overexposed Celebrity News, Everybody's Favorite Lawyer's Daughter has this dating strategy:
[S]he has devised a litmus test to see if guys are just using her for her fame: "I always say, where do you want to go eat?" Kardashian says. "If they pick a super trendy restaurant, then that's, like, the worst sign."
Hey Kim! How 'bout a date at Mickey D's?
[S]he has devised a litmus test to see if guys are just using her for her fame: "I always say, where do you want to go eat?" Kardashian says. "If they pick a super trendy restaurant, then that's, like, the worst sign."
Hey Kim! How 'bout a date at Mickey D's?
PILLHEAD left His New York condo so fast He even left behind the furnishings!
But not, we would presume, anything incriminating.
Meanwhile, in the comments:
The only good Republican is a dead one.
JOURNOLIST LIVES!
But not, we would presume, anything incriminating.
Meanwhile, in the comments:
The only good Republican is a dead one.
JOURNOLIST LIVES!
Friday, August 20, 2010
In one-and-a-half minutes I learned why Elvis's movies stink. Some blogger has pirated a scene from Double Trouble (no link) and even through the dim lighting (which may have been MGM's fault) I could see the smell. People make fun of The King's movies reflexively despite some good tunes, like the one-and-a-half minutes of "Long Legged Girl (with the Short Dress On)". "Col." "Tom" "Parker" could at least have had his Hill and Range hacks write to the camera, and here they did it. Unfortunately the director and cinematographer were blind. First off, there's no staging; it's just Elvis wiggling and an audience clapping, and the men wheeling the dolly bumping into something. Much of the scene is in long shots and for a second Elvis turns his back to the camera. When you're the star doing an exciting number that is a mortal sin. Worse, there is staging, behind Elvis. Three Beatles mopheads simulate monkey orgasms on guitars. This is beyond stupid as a big band's backing him -- and the Jordanaires are MIA. Maybe they weren't that photogenic after years of imitating cows but they're on the whole song. And then there's Elvis himself, puffy, a little disengaged (and possibly stoned), going through not very convincing motions -- and here he had no excuse as he wasn't doing the "POS" he increasingly mocked and from whose grip he was never released. And to top it off the chowderheads cut off the song before the finish.
Elvis's films would never be masterworks but they could have been a lot better -- but too many people conspired to see that they weren't, not least of them The King.
We can be grateful that the TWXSTERS have put their once-and-never-again flagship rag behind a WALL, for then we don't see the full text of what apparently is a PC tantrum -- and what's more, it isn't making its once-and-never-again flagship rag free to STEVE worshipers the way the REAL FLAGSHIP IS.
When does Tony Hayward Bewkes make the first announcement?
When does Tony Hayward Bewkes make the first announcement?
Let me assert my FIRM BELIEF that THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO FEAR IS -- FOUR MORE YEARS OF GEORGE W. BUSH!!!!!
Privately, some Democrats attending the St. Louis meeting fretted that the political environment may be getting even more difficult for the party in power, with dour economic news seeming to pile up with each passing day.
THESE NATTERING NABOBS OF...oops! Wrong party.
Privately, some Democrats attending the St. Louis meeting fretted that the political environment may be getting even more difficult for the party in power, with dour economic news seeming to pile up with each passing day.
THESE NATTERING NABOBS OF...oops! Wrong party.
He still hasn't walked on water, though. What's wrong with the man?
Oh that's next, Gene. BROCCOLI will hallucinate that one.
Although we could swear THE LATE LENNY already saw THAT.
Oh that's next, Gene. BROCCOLI will hallucinate that one.
Although we could swear THE LATE LENNY already saw THAT.
Jeff, eHow may be DUMB, but judging from this taxpayer-financed ad we found on one of your favorites somebody else has the last laugh.
And really, we question whether something like this is THAT dumb, as it states good common-sense principles -- which some people must be grabbed by the scruffs of their necks into seeing.
(Via the usual Romy, who is not presented by Chevrolet)
Some movee production house has just bought the rights to a novel by Ken Felatta [SIC], which pretty well says neither will say anything.
(Via I Want Media)
(Via I Want Media)
There seems to be a disease in southern California. We saw it first in Bell; it also infected a town called Vernon. God knows how many little kings earn vast sums taking advantage of government neglect and the voters' sloth. Yes, here is justification for that old catch phrase, "Throw the bums out!"
And here, for once, is a newspaper performing a public service, the sort of thing USAOKAY!!!!! should think of whenever it runs another BIGMEDIA ad, or whenever Mogul's Friend again looks for work.
And here, for once, is a newspaper performing a public service, the sort of thing USAOKAY!!!!! should think of whenever it runs another BIGMEDIA ad, or whenever Mogul's Friend again looks for work.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
The good news:
The Labor Department says the number of workers who died on the job fell by 17 percent last year to the lowest level in nearly two decades.
The bad news:
The agency says high unemployment and layoffs in more dangerous industries like construction played a major role in the decrease.
The Labor Department says the number of workers who died on the job fell by 17 percent last year to the lowest level in nearly two decades.
The bad news:
The agency says high unemployment and layoffs in more dangerous industries like construction played a major role in the decrease.
Does anyone here remember when USAOKAY!!!!! tried nominating itself for a Nobe -- P-ULITZER PRIZE four years ago? And then it had to sorta kinda ease away from the story? WELL, THE SONS OF AL learned their lesson; they're back to running daily industrial-strength ads, the public be dam -- MILKED.
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO EDNA -- AND YOU'RE A FINALIST FOR THE NEUHARTHISM OF THEYEAR CENTURY AWARD!
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO EDNA -- AND YOU'RE A FINALIST FOR THE NEUHARTHISM OF THE
Elsewhere in biznews:
Retailer Sears Holdings Corp reported a wider-than-expected quarterly loss on Thursday as consumers curbed spending in a grim U.S. economy.
Who cares? Isn't it in real estate?
Retailer Sears Holdings Corp reported a wider-than-expected quarterly loss on Thursday as consumers curbed spending in a grim U.S. economy.
Who cares? Isn't it in real estate?
The White House on Wednesday stressed that President Obama has fully embraced Florida Senate candidate Kendrick Meek, and when the president got off Air Force One in Miami, he gave Meek a hug.
Awwww, that's even better than the one grand Mr. Viagra gave to Charlie Crist!
Awwww, that's even better than the one grand Mr. Viagra gave to Charlie Crist!
BREAKING NEWS FROM THE REUT!
Intel says to buy McAfee for about $7.86 billion; McAfee shares up 59 percent
TRANSLATION: Intel wants to be Microsoft!
Intel says to buy McAfee for about $7.86 billion; McAfee shares up 59 percent
TRANSLATION: Intel wants to be Microsoft!
Gannett to launch over 100 microsites devoted to high school sports [The usual Romy link]
We know what this means: we'll do for ninth-grade linebackers what we did for SUPER BOWL ADS.
We know what this means: we'll do for ninth-grade linebackers what we did for SUPER BOWL ADS.
HUP - TWO! HUP - TWO!
As a kid, Mr. McDonald read biographies of military leaders like George Patton, Douglas MacArthur and President Dwight Eisenhower. One of his favorite movies is "The Longest Day," the 1962 film detailing the events of D-Day from the German and Allied forces' perspectives.
The chief executive, who proposed to his wife a month after he met her, decided early on that he would attend the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, and tried to apply when he was 11 years old. (He asked his local congressman, the future Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, for a letter of recommendation; Mr. Rumsfeld told him to wait to apply until he was older.)
Mr. McDonald ultimately did attend West Point, which is where he studied Napoleon Bonaparte's tactics, particularly Napoleon's corps structure, under which operating units perform a range of military functions, making a small army of each. "Even though he was outmanned in these battles, he could win by defeating a different unit in the details," Mr. McDonald says.
So THAT'S how they learn to trample over our wallets and our sensibilities!
(Via SLIME'S Cheapie Marketwatch)
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
TRANSLATION: 1. Last overpaid bore out of SIDSWEEK's a rotten EEEEEEEEEEEGG!!!!! 2. Don't the TWXSTERS employ enough overpaid bores on their subscribers' DIME? 3. "Casey" Stengel's doing alnmost exactly what the late JonBoy did -- and we know what that means, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! 4. THE NEXT LARRY KING!!!!!
“He is a kind of a spokesman for a post-American world, and we think he represents an important piece of the puzzle for us.”
Hey Casey, given the Yale biz wouldn't post-apocalyptic be more apt?
P. S. on 8/19/2010 at 6:00 p. m. And one more thing: SYNERGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“He is a kind of a spokesman for a post-American world, and we think he represents an important piece of the puzzle for us.”
Hey Casey, given the Yale biz wouldn't post-apocalyptic be more apt?
P. S. on 8/19/2010 at 6:00 p. m. And one more thing: SYNERGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARCHDaily!
See? Not EVERYTHING in ARCHDaily! is ugly.
And we can fathom the point of this, so long as it doesn't clash too much with the surroundings.
See? Not EVERYTHING in ARCHDaily! is ugly.
And we can fathom the point of this, so long as it doesn't clash too much with the surroundings.
Let's split the difference: Many state and local government employees aren't overpaid, and many public-school teachers aren't overly qualified, and leave it at that.
(Via -- oh well -- NRO too -- and Ramesh is never wrong)
(Via -- oh well -- NRO too -- and Ramesh is never wrong)
And a side order of caviar. Oh, and could I have brie on that?
(Via -- oh well -- NRO. I wish I could find these things without having to go to partisan sites. And who knew Mort Zuck was on YouTube?)
Again we ask: What's the difference between Branson East...
Jerry Lee Lewis to Perform at Broadway's Million Dollar Quartet in September
...and Branson?
Besides crime and History's Greatest Mayor, that is.
Jerry Lee Lewis to Perform at Broadway's Million Dollar Quartet in September
...and Branson?
Besides crime and History's Greatest Mayor, that is.
We ordinarily wouldn't turn to one of BRIAN ROBBER's more intelligence-insulting Web sites, but we couldn't resist this tribute to a true con-SER-va-tive HERO:
There might be more than one way to skin a cat. But there's only a few legal ways to kill a baby buck—as Mr. Cat Scratch Fever found out.
Animal-slaying rocker Ted Nugent pleaded no contest in Marysville, Calif., courtroom to offing a defenseless deer on a reality TV show using illegal hunting tactics.
A lawyer for the 61-year-old rocker entered a no-contest plea on Nugent's behalf Friday in Yuba County Superior Court to misdemeanor counts of baiting a deer and failing to acquire an authorized signature to confirm the kill's legality.
Nugent originally faced 11 charges, but managed to get those dropped after his attorney negotiated a deal. He must now fork over a $1,750 fine to settle the matter.
There might be more than one way to skin a cat. But there's only a few legal ways to kill a baby buck—as Mr. Cat Scratch Fever found out.
Animal-slaying rocker Ted Nugent pleaded no contest in Marysville, Calif., courtroom to offing a defenseless deer on a reality TV show using illegal hunting tactics.
A lawyer for the 61-year-old rocker entered a no-contest plea on Nugent's behalf Friday in Yuba County Superior Court to misdemeanor counts of baiting a deer and failing to acquire an authorized signature to confirm the kill's legality.
Nugent originally faced 11 charges, but managed to get those dropped after his attorney negotiated a deal. He must now fork over a $1,750 fine to settle the matter.
More heroism from SLIMDOM:
At first, Vice was little more than a knock-off of Face, the influential British magazine. But it started finding its voice after 2000, when the staff moved to Williamsburg. There were breast-baring photo spreads by photographers like Richard Kern, and a Vice guide to anal sex. There were louche fashion spreads, but also “Jackass”-style columns like Gross Jar, which chronicled a large jar filled with detritus like used tampons and dead rats.
[PAGE JUMP!!!!!]
Eventually, the magazine started to grow a social conscience. During the troop surge in Iraq in 2007, Vice published an issue written by Iraqi citizens — including an account by a woman who had been detained in Abu Ghraib with her son.
With luck, slob, the MEDIA TYCOON you'll eventually resemble won't be TOM FRESTON!!!!! (who, lest we forget, was fired by THE REAL BOSS SUMNER) but GARY PRUITT -- or PVT. ZELL.
OR:
CARLOS THE JACKASS! The wall! THE WALL!!!!!!!!!!
(Via MediaBistro)
At first, Vice was little more than a knock-off of Face, the influential British magazine. But it started finding its voice after 2000, when the staff moved to Williamsburg. There were breast-baring photo spreads by photographers like Richard Kern, and a Vice guide to anal sex. There were louche fashion spreads, but also “Jackass”-style columns like Gross Jar, which chronicled a large jar filled with detritus like used tampons and dead rats.
[PAGE JUMP!!!!!]
Eventually, the magazine started to grow a social conscience. During the troop surge in Iraq in 2007, Vice published an issue written by Iraqi citizens — including an account by a woman who had been detained in Abu Ghraib with her son.
With luck, slob, the MEDIA TYCOON you'll eventually resemble won't be TOM FRESTON!!!!! (who, lest we forget, was fired by THE REAL BOSS SUMNER) but GARY PRUITT -- or PVT. ZELL.
OR:
CARLOS THE JACKASS! The wall! THE WALL!!!!!!!!!!
(Via MediaBistro)
Speaking of unemployment:
Foxconn to Hire 400,000 China Workers Within a Year
HEAVEN AT 1,000,000!!!!!
Foxconn to Hire 400,000 China Workers Within a Year
HEAVEN AT 1,000,000!!!!!
[In 2008-09] only 14 programs from the Football Bowl Subdivision (formerly Division I-A) generated more revenues than expenses. This is down from 2006-07 and 2007-08, when 25 programs turned a profit.
Happily they're the only ones that count! (No pun intended.)
The highest median head coaching salaries in the FBS are, in order, football ($1.2 million), men’s basketball ($911,000), women’s basketball ($308,000) and men’s ice hockey ($313,000).
Well what do you expect with CEO pay?
Happily they're the only ones that count! (No pun intended.)
The highest median head coaching salaries in the FBS are, in order, football ($1.2 million), men’s basketball ($911,000), women’s basketball ($308,000) and men’s ice hockey ($313,000).
Well what do you expect with CEO pay?
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
When a hack like Rog calls His Omnipotence "a one-term president" that means somehow he's a two-term president.
If it's SARAH!!!!!!!!!! he's a two-term president.
If it's SARAH!!!!!!!!!! he's a two-term president.
Robert Blake -- er, you-know-who's lone conviction suggests the Feds are prosecuting him for being a foul-mouthed fool, but he may be a bit more than that.
THE FRUITS OF AN EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL CONSPIRACY:
News Corp., which owns Fox News and the New York Post, gave $1 million to Haley Barbour's Republican Governors Association this year, according to the RGA's most recent filing.
Didn't SLIME give that much to HIS OMNIPOTENCE?
News Corp., which owns Fox News and the New York Post, gave $1 million to Haley Barbour's Republican Governors Association this year, according to the RGA's most recent filing.
Didn't SLIME give that much to HIS OMNIPOTENCE?
In the NEW!!!!! FORBESLISTBLOG:
1. Gekko Kudlow's devoted acolytes say THE ECONOMY IS BOOMING!!!!!!!!!!
2. [C]RAPPERS are making ZILLIONS!!!!!!!!!!
3. West Virginia consumes (it says here) the most prescription drugs!!!!!!!!!!
Followed soon by any state with lots of FORBESLISTBLOG's readers!
We miss you, Jerry Flint.
1. Gekko Kudlow's devoted acolytes say THE ECONOMY IS BOOMING!!!!!!!!!!
2. [C]RAPPERS are making ZILLIONS!!!!!!!!!!
3. West Virginia consumes (it says here) the most prescription drugs!!!!!!!!!!
Followed soon by any state with lots of FORBESLISTBLOG's readers!
We miss you, Jerry Flint.
Barclays Bank Plc has agreed to pay $298 million to settle criminal charges that it violated U.S. sanctions through dealings with banks in Cuba, Iran, Libya, Sudan and Myanmar, according to U.S. court documents filed on Monday.
As Tony Hayward could tell them, just a cost of doing business.
As Tony Hayward could tell them, just a cost of doing business.
If His Omnipotence wanted to be bold about it, He would make an offer: We would end the embargo on Cuba if Fidel and his cronies left, and we would guarantee and pay for their asylum somewhere in the Spanish diaspora. Though it is extremely unlikely they'd take it up this would be better than nothing. But His Omnipotence's foreign policy has been nothing but nothing, and one suspects in the back of His super-smart professorial head is a notion implanted there by all the MODERATES He's known that Fidel is actually a nice guy.
Monday, August 16, 2010
We see that James J. Kilpatrick has died. He invented the term "national nanny" -- which alas became a leading weapon in the PC con-SER-va-tive's arsenal. Well, inventing terms is more than most columnists can do. RIP.
P. S. We originally posted it with this link without reading it. (SMART!) Apparently he provided an excuse for news hacks who are so fiercely known for not apologizing to anyone to apologize. So he took the wrong side on something. So did Walter Duranty, for whom no apology has ever been uttered.
Besides, most of us remember him as an overbearing TV pundit, one of the first of that stereotypical breed. We'd say that was worse but he did coin a phrase.
P. S. We originally posted it with this link without reading it. (SMART!) Apparently he provided an excuse for news hacks who are so fiercely known for not apologizing to anyone to apologize. So he took the wrong side on something. So did Walter Duranty, for whom no apology has ever been uttered.
Besides, most of us remember him as an overbearing TV pundit, one of the first of that stereotypical breed. We'd say that was worse but he did coin a phrase.
Well we couldn't find the interview with His token Republican but we DID find this piece of junk about pop music!
KAPLAN, INC. at $299.01!
P. S. You have to scroll through the home page to get at it and then it's in the third-to-last graf of a five-page story.
KAPLAN, INC. at $299.01!
P. S. You have to scroll through the home page to get at it and then it's in the third-to-last graf of a five-page story.
"BIG NEWS" FROM LALA via the WOLFFMAN (and via ROMY):
[T]he really big news in the LA Times story about Rupert Murdoch’s plan to start an all new national newspaper for the iPad and mobile devices: The picture shows that he’s not dyeing his hair anymore. The orange (or sometimes aubergine) is gone. One of the things Murdoch is said to have most disliked in my book about him is that I made fun of his terrible dye jobs. Now his hair is all white and cut short, just like…well, mine.
[T]he really big news in the LA Times story about Rupert Murdoch’s plan to start an all new national newspaper for the iPad and mobile devices: The picture shows that he’s not dyeing his hair anymore. The orange (or sometimes aubergine) is gone. One of the things Murdoch is said to have most disliked in my book about him is that I made fun of his terrible dye jobs. Now his hair is all white and cut short, just like…well, mine.
SNIDELY WHIPLASH has been "cleared" by the Feds, but to us, he's still an HONORARY crook.
And POLITICO.COM reminds us there's the little matter of his Texas trial -- and even if he's found innocent he'll STILL be an honorary crook to us.
And POLITICO.COM reminds us there's the little matter of his Texas trial -- and even if he's found innocent he'll STILL be an honorary crook to us.
For-profit-college students welsh on their loans -- and KAPLAN, INC.'s at a fifteen-year low!
I guess all those deadbeats can't finance THE TRUTH that much.
I guess all those deadbeats can't finance THE TRUTH that much.
Where's The Beauty In Today's Architecture [SIC!]
Every day in ARCHDaily!
The link, alas, is to one of those highly verbose think pieces to which AHTSJournal is always drawn like moths to a flame, though this one never gets singed.
Every day in ARCHDaily!
The link, alas, is to one of those highly verbose think pieces to which AHTSJournal is always drawn like moths to a flame, though this one never gets singed.
The Crainiacs are AGHAST:
Turbulence at 10: Has JetBlue Become Just Another Airline?
Isn't it safe to say every airline's just another airline?
Turbulence at 10: Has JetBlue Become Just Another Airline?
Isn't it safe to say every airline's just another airline?
All right, may as well level with my two readers; our nation won't stand or fall if this community center goes up, or fails to. And any religious society can build any temple where it pleases (abiding by zoning and traffic regulations of course). But this masterstroke was a statement. And tolerance is a slandered word because those most apt to use it are those least likely to have it. The recent adventures of the fightin' JOURNOLISTER and the righteous state rep tell us that much. Unless you're willing to give equal rights to conservatives as to Muslims -- and judging from Prof. Mark's address I'd say he has high blood pressure too -- then SHUT UP.
We wonder how many news hacks have high blood pressure. We suspect if pundits could be barred from employment for high blood pressure there'd be hardly any pundits. (Hallelujah!) We also wonder how many of them write as a form of therapy for their maladies. We could see Mark, for instance, using this as a way to calm himself down after a session screaming at his mirror over the perfidy of Nazis. I have high blood pressure too, which blogging does no good for, and I certainly don't write for therapy. But piffle like "only the jihadists will win" could only come from writing as therapy, and I'm sick of these typists using their undeserved luck as an excuse for projection.
Besides, PEOPLE WARNER is the last company I'd trust to have my interests at heart.
Besides, PEOPLE WARNER is the last company I'd trust to have my interests at heart.
Sunday, August 15, 2010