Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Posted
2:00 PM
by Gene
That included creating and defending a ratings system that gives as little hard information as possible while purporting to be a parent's best friend. The obsequious first rough draft of history is slowly disintegrating.
Posted
9:40 AM
by Gene
"Who elected you the PC police chief? Who elected you to anything?" Advantage: TUI's producer. (Talking Under the Influence, that is.)
Posted
9:31 AM
by Gene
Occasionally, though, the stopped clock can be right.
Posted
9:23 AM
by Gene
A professor of mu-sic must add: “They’re scared to death that the market for this is going to be hurt,” Gorder said. “The outcry could have an effect on sales. If it raises consciousness among people who have historically bought this music and thought it was OK, well, that’s lost sales. Executives’ bonuses are tied to sales and they don’t want to destroy this market.” And which way is the market going now? P. S. A complete, accurate and factual award to the MESS for the following photo caption on the story's first page: Edgar Bronfman Jr., vice-chairman of Vivendi Universal leaves [SIC] the company headquarters in Paris.... Yes, I do believe he did. Friday, May 11, 2007
Posted
10:27 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:26 PM
by Gene
Haiti Immigrants Angry With Boat Sinking
Posted
5:30 PM
by Gene
Greg, will you SHUT UP?
Posted
5:22 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:17 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:12 PM
by Gene
Nobody minced words, especially when it came to bad dialogue masquerading as good taglines. After watching the "Fantastic Four" trailer, Adam Voron, 14, grumbled: "If that catchphrase 'I just bought this tux' is supposed to be cool, they're really in trouble." Most likely the teenagers The Mogul's Friend interviewed have more insight than The Mogul's Friend.
Posted
5:10 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:06 PM
by Gene
![]() They could have used Magic Marker. Next stop: a calendar? (Via USAOKAY.com's On Deadline)
Posted
1:03 PM
by Gene
In defense of SLIME, at least he's overpaying for an ASSET.
Posted
10:26 AM
by Gene
That shouldn't be too difficult.
Posted
10:12 AM
by Gene
Stick a fork in it, the merger's done.
Posted
9:48 AM
by Gene
SLIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
8:43 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:32 AM
by Gene
Because of the voting power of Google's executives, the proposal's defeat was a foregone conclusion. Chief Executive Officer Eric Schmidt, and co-founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin control 66 percent of the votes. We hope some time in the future these clowns have a PINCH moment. Thursday, May 10, 2007
Posted
6:41 PM
by Gene
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO CARLY!
Posted
6:07 PM
by Gene
Dow 36,000, Jim?
Posted
5:50 PM
by Gene
I pledge allegiance To the plan Of the United State of Pinch And to the banana republic for which He stands, One autocracy, Under Pinch, Incorrigible, With tyranny and injustice for -- Everyone but Pinch.
Posted
5:42 PM
by Gene
There's a whole cottage industry of apocalyptic financial 'journalism'. Jerry Bowyer on Dow 13,300: the losers. [Home-page subhed] Back in 1999 there was a whole cottage industry of DOW 100,000!!!!! jernalism. Jim Glassman helped build the cottage. It crumpled like the pigs' house of straw. Never mind, he'll always find a better straw.
Posted
5:39 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:24 PM
by Gene
Some will say show-biz has always been about events. True -- it's been that way since before Quo Vadis? But at least the biz gave something for people to remember; it wasn't a mere excuse for a mass night out, urged upon them by hundreds of thousands of publicists. If every other mass medium can decline so can the movies -- and now it has the reason that it can CLONE the same overproduced movie hundreds of times. The face may change, but the FAKE remains the same.
Posted
5:23 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:19 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:18 PM
by Gene
Remember it if Wall Street treats us to a depression.
Posted
5:16 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: TV is becoming as irrelevant as the movies -- and in almost the exact same way.
Posted
10:50 AM
by Gene
But isn't the point of all these wonderful TENTPOLES to get people into the popcorn restaurants? And what's wrong with a little business Darwinism if it might discourage people from seeing TENTPOLES -- especially when they see that's all your beloved biz makes anymore? God, you're long-winded, Marty.
Posted
10:30 AM
by Gene
Don't they realize this was a humanitarian gesture? It's demonstrably helped Fidel's health.
Posted
10:18 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:40 AM
by Gene
Apple's Steve Jobs and Google's Eric Schmidt are just two of the CEOs who work for a buck. Why do top executives give up their salaries? [Story subhed] Because most of them own eighty million shares in their companies or are already vastly wealthy and can afford to make a statement.
Posted
8:31 AM
by Gene
Television video of the fight showed two men struggling in the balcony -- one having his shirt pulled off -- as several people stood around them. It figures the ASSPressians were too busy typing this to note what the Pops was playing at the time. The 1812 Overture, perhaps?
Posted
8:14 AM
by Gene
(Via MediaBistro) Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Posted
8:42 PM
by Gene
And The Paper of Re-CORD devotes 855 words to this, meaning a lot of media types are very upset that this Fount of Genius got canned, much as they were when JACK prepared for His Second Coming. There is no accounting for these no-tastes. Of course when we linked to Variety's story the other night we figured the press would do him a favor and hush it up. Wrestling will do this to a man's reputation. Even TMZ.com admits to it!
Posted
8:38 PM
by Gene
Posted
8:11 PM
by Gene
The professor - identified by students as Wen Jin - told dozens of students in her Literature Humanities section which passages from the books they'd studied throughout the year would be included in last Friday's exam, members of the class told The Post.... The cheating was discovered when the faculty decided at the last minute to change one of the excerpts - a quotation from Fyodor Dostoevsky's "Crime and Punishment." SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... (Via -- oh well -- NRO)
Posted
7:22 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:50 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: NO SNITCHIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
5:45 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:40 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
"They ordained that we would have a conservative of the day. I’ve got to tell you, you run out of good ones real quick," he said. "You’ve got Steve Chapman, whom I really like, who’s a libertarian and a good guy. So you didn’t mind running him, but you kind of held your nose when you ran Mona Charon or Debra Saunders. I mean, good grief. Jonah Goldberg? Finally, we were able to get rid of that bugger. That’s my point: Avista is much less of a micromanaging outfit than McClatchy was." Keeping in mind Jo-NAH is a first-class damfool, it goes without saying if a writer like Dr. Johnson were a conservative columnist the watching-the-door-on-his-way-out ideological chief of Minnesota's Politburo would no doubt have found an excuse to call him a bugger too. We're sure he's so fond of himself he would NEVER say his immortal editorials had anything to do with all those people being laid off -- or his nice retirement (lucky him), NO; it's the DO-NOT-CALL LAW and Craigslist and department stores merging and bad education and global warming and sunspots and.... We're sorry you couldn't stay on to fight the good fight, then you and your remaining staff wouldn't have had the money for CODPIECES. (We're sick of linking to Romy -- and how the hell does he find all these PROGRESSIVE sites?)
Posted
5:15 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:07 PM
by Gene
Hey Cipher! Focus on resigning so we can get an AG who can focus on crime and not warming an expensive leather seat.
Posted
5:01 PM
by Gene
Official says thousands of Palestinian police are deploying in Gaza City in a show of law and order. What kind of law -- and what kind of order?
Posted
2:54 PM
by Gene
More so, we suspect, than anything he ever saw in The Paper of Re-CORD. "Critics have come to think I was soft and a management shill...." Which we would not have been if YOU-KNOW-WHO owned it.
Posted
12:33 PM
by Gene
we've got shrek! we've got apples and milk! we've got government types and pressure groups looking over our shoulders! (all sic; we figure if mickey d doesn't like caps neither do we)
Posted
11:09 AM
by Gene
WE BELIEVE IT. And if one wanted to know whether or not SLIME's takeover has been approved all one has to do is see WHICH Journals hacks are wearing the armbands. (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
10:57 AM
by Gene
I don't want them drilling my teeth! But then this is the same skool that employed BOBBY KNIGHT!!!!!!!!!! and likened the No-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE to "Father" Coughlin, so there must be some truth-free zones there. (Via Inside Higher Ed)
Posted
10:53 AM
by Gene
Ah, the heroes of news hacks! (Via IWantMedia)
Posted
10:09 AM
by Gene
Does the right hand know what the left hand is doing at Dow Jones & Co.? An April 23 editorial in the Wall Street Journal complained that the monthly job numbers from the Bureau of Labor Statistics have “become unreliable,” and by underreporting job growth, the BLS is hurting the economy. Kudos to the Journal. It certainly is great to see such an influential news organization point out the problem, and call for government reform. But maybe Dow Jones could also help the economy by convincing its own editors and writers to exercise smarter editorial judgment: To stop reporting the flawed BLS data as if it were gospel. Unfortunately, last Friday, Dow Jones (and to be fair, much of the business media) were at it again, parroting without skepticism BLS seasonally adjusted growth for April at only 88,000.... The BLS numbers have put the brakes on a vibrant economy during the last two years by frightening investors away from U.S. equity markets blahblahblah.... 1. Considering that the right hand is the CONSERVATIVE EDITION, and the left hand is the LIBERAL EDITION, the answer is NO. 2. Those fantasy numbers don't seem to have discouraged investors in the last six months -- and especially during the MASSACRE RALLY. 3. Why should we believe economists in the first place, regardless of where they report their numbers? 4. Would it make you happy if you could have folks parrot your own idea of accurate numbers?
Posted
9:50 AM
by Gene
Media Execs: Govt Should Stay Out Of Programming NCTA: Big Cable Players: Amid Competition, Size Make [SIC] Us Stronger They were covering the same event, by the way.
Posted
8:06 AM
by Gene
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Posted
9:10 PM
by Gene
As for Super Mario's Restaurant, its chef, Joseph Hofflinger, 35, quit today after finding out the news that the restaurant's owner was the father of one of the suspected terrorists. When asked by reporters as to why he quit, Hofflinger said, "Because I won't work for somebody that has any ties or admission to terrorists." He continued, "My son is in the 82nd Airborne. I won't work for a place that supports terrorism so I'm out." In a way it's a shame, as the owner said he loves his country. Nonetheless how many in the new, improved U. S. of A. would take such a stand?
Posted
5:18 PM
by Gene
"Robust protection of civil rights is important for our national security," Gonzales told about 160 people at the luncheon. "Protecting civil rights and liberties prevents the radicalization and development of home-grown terrorists," he said. ...[J]ust before the luncheon, Gonzales met with about 10 Arab American and Muslim leaders who complained their rights are being strained through discrimination by immigration and other federal officials. NUF SAID.
Posted
5:13 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:10 PM
by Gene
When does Ub Iger's luck finally turn south?
Posted
5:08 PM
by Gene
Not very smart.
Posted
4:55 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:38 AM
by Gene
I wouldn't bet against DUMMKOPF GRANTING it.
Posted
10:24 AM
by Gene
Police arrested a Desert Hot Springs man after he allegedly made threats to bomb The Desert Sun building on Monday, according to Palm Springs Police Department. The customer had initially called Sunday because he said he did not receive the coupons he wanted in his Sunday newspaper, said Greg Castro, director of Circulation for The Desert Sun. “The customer service representative said she would have the coupons sent out on Monday,” Castro said. Though a newspaper employee delivered the package as told, Castro said the man called the newspaper’s customer service department again on Monday and said he still did not get the coupons he wanted. “That’s when he said: ‘What do I have to do? Come down there and blow up the building?’ ” Castro added. Officers searched the Desert Sun building, assisted by a bomb detection dog and did not find any devices, police said. (Whew!) I even have the slogan: Don't get mad -- get coupons! (Via the usual Romy)
Posted
10:17 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:14 AM
by Gene
Evidently compassion stops at borders.
Posted
10:12 AM
by Gene
About 90 percent of U.S. children under age 2 and as many as 40 percent of infants under three months are regular watchers of television, DVDs and videos, researchers said yesterday. They're hooked!
Posted
9:55 AM
by Gene
You don't? Evidently neither does USAOKAY!!!!! A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO OLIVIA!
Posted
8:59 AM
by Gene
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!!!!!
Posted
8:57 AM
by Gene
Monday, May 07, 2007
Posted
8:56 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:17 PM
by Gene
![]() ADAM!'s boys try to "rethink" MM, but when we got to page 2 we said, forget it. It's like "rethinking" Einstein.
Posted
6:04 PM
by Gene
Prison Pays $6,000 To Change Locks After Keys Sold On eBay The humor fades as the story says it was sorta kinda accidental, but you never know with eBay.
Posted
5:49 PM
by Gene
One other cute missing detail: will it be downloadable? People Warner? Rootkit? SUMNER? You kidding? (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
5:30 PM
by Gene
A new survey by the Institute for Jewish & Community Research has found that 65 percent of faculty members say they believe in God. Which, if one can believe polls at all, says that over a third don't, and besides, it's less than the general public. We could liken academics to their natural media allies for showoffy agnosticism and personal godhood but that would merely be flogging a dead leatherbound Gideon Bible.
Posted
5:18 PM
by Gene
And two years after THAT...oh, never mind. The three sessions in which the Dow fell were April 11 (89.23 points), April 23 (42.58 points) and April 30 (58.03 points). THE MASSACRE RALLY CONTINUES!
Posted
5:15 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:11 PM
by Gene
Let Honorary Mayor Mike run (whose chopper is the veritable equivalent of the Comb) and we'll see about that.
Posted
5:02 PM
by Gene
Just as Strib and the StinkyInky are the same (cutting and slashing for profit, putting ads here, there and everywhere) so may be their employees. We forget Stinky demoted one of its most BELOVED figures Gail because the bosses thought she was too TV-insiderish, and perhaps likewise is true for Lileks; I'd bet the top brass suppose him an aw-isn't-he-cute kind of guy who can occasionally get angry, but who writes for a clique much as if he were writing a column about Gumby. The more I think of it that way, the more it makes a rudimentary sense, even though it's not the brightest apple of an idea in the barrel. And when he writes "[I]t's just-the-facts-ma'am -- and I'll no longer be telecommuting, either. This means I will start burning my share of hydrocarbons like a good American" I can definitely see it. (Via the usual Romy)
Posted
3:36 PM
by Gene
JPod didn't mention that Romney voted for Tsongas in 92 ! 05/07 02:32 PM All we can say is, Ms. Travers, he has his own ersatz con-SER-va-tive, you have yours.
Posted
3:34 PM
by Gene
What hath God wrought? Pffffffffffffffffffffffft!
Posted
10:46 AM
by Gene
I shouldn't sound so sour but it's impossible not to after over four years typing in a vacuum. And besides, if he doesn't land a job elsewhere in Bigmedia I would be very surprised. A mere blogger lacks that kind of luxury. P. S. at 11:05 a.m.: My original post said "The Clatch" did it; I'd forgotten it sold Strib off to a "private investment firm", meaning it's been STINKYINKYIZED, which explains such an arrant blunder.
Posted
10:39 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:07 AM
by Gene
We root for neither side, that's plain enough.
Posted
8:16 AM
by Gene
I can think of four reasons: 1. Japan makes a lot of money; 2. China makes a lot of money; 3. Asia makes zillions of consumer goods; 4. China has over a billion people. Does that answer the question?
Posted
6:54 AM
by Gene
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Posted
9:53 PM
by Gene
Promise you won't tell? Our lips are sealed.
Posted
6:00 PM
by Gene
![]() P&G wants to be my friend. IDIOTS! Why can't you just turn out a decent product as always -- and stop trying to convince me you're my friend by wasting so much of MY money on crappy television?
Posted
5:52 PM
by Gene
...said longtime publicist Michael Levine.... Who says ASSPress doesn't look after the poor and neglected in society? A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO SANDY!
Posted
3:16 PM
by Gene
Well, at least Sarko's saying nice things about us. Let's hope that lasts more than a few months.
Posted
3:15 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: We're replacing one kind of intransigent incompetence with another.
Posted
1:01 PM
by Gene
And you've done that every day, Fred Silverman, with your back to the mirror. (Via ArtsJournal)
Posted
12:23 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:58 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:46 AM
by Gene
And need we be told yet AGAIN what's good for PEOPLE WARNER is good for America?
Posted
9:53 AM
by Gene
1. It discovers, much to its chagrin, that liberals (?!?!?) back gun rights! (?!?!?) Of course these are liberals like Larry Tribe, who may not be too trustworthy in the first place -- or as the Paper puts it, "Scholars who agree with gun opponents and support the collective rights view say the professors on the other side may have been motivated more by a desire to be provocative than by simple intellectual honesty." Rather like Michael Kinsley and Stale.com, n'est-ce pas? 2. Happily groups like MOVEON.ORG and the other celebrated NETROOTS screamers are pushing ever more vigorously for the Dems to get us outOUTOUT!!!!! of Iraq, which seems to have helped the Dems immensely. 3. We hear what we've said pretty much all along -- business is trying to be PC for profit. How long, say, Little Jeffy gets by with that gag depends on how long His shareholders are willing to take $35 a share -- and given the late ranting over Goodthings Entertainment, we'd say not very. 4. The Paper also discovers that Old Whiny Wine Brine bequeathed his medium a ton of would-be loudmouthed millionaire drunks, which means thousands are saying stupid things on the air, and their bosses think the advertisers don't care -- true enough. True also that the liberal's idea of taking care of the rot is the Fairness Doctrine, but then both sides would send anyone they disagree with to a concentration camp, which may explain all those would-be drunks. True further that without these jerks the medium would have thousands of hours of dead air -- which, given the likes of CHEAP CHANNEL and SUMNER, isn't a bad idea. 5. In news of cul-TYURE, Manohla Granola believes if you're going to be held hostage by Jerry Dreckheimer and Sony Pictures, it's best to think the hostage holder is your friend. It may be a problem, however, when the hostage holders inflict you with non-stop TV shows on the big screen, and if that isn't punishable by the Geneva Conventions we don't know what is. Neither does it help that Manohla Granolas and Jerry Dreckheimers view hack sci-fi as "legit." 6. Finally, in a topic dear to my heart, Encores!, which stages concert versions of old musicals, is putting on a "revue of revues" -- a good idea on paper with songs like "Dancing in the Dark" (NO, I do NOT mean "THE 'BOSS'", KIM WILDE, MIKE MAREEN or JESSY) -- only the shows were padded with sketches, and as the producer Mr. Zaks says, "Ninety-five percent of them did not make us laugh....Some of them must have been uproarious at the time, hilarious. But we would just sit there and look at each other." "But at their heart," the Paper of Re-CORD continues, "revues were disposable entertainment, a flash in the pan, the 'Saturday Night Live' of their day." Huh?!? John Belushi will be funny forever!
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