Posted 7:42 PM by Gene

Is Jefferson University, the medical center that has turned a good chunk of our Center City into a dead zone, trying to get government entities into a bidding war for this putative masterpiece? Surely I've heard of it, but if it's such a masterpiece why did it take the drooling-over art market to hype interest in it?

Posted 12:57 PM by Gene

JIM WEBB FORM SEN -- wait, haven't we already elected him?

Posted 12:54 PM by Gene

Bad news for the forces of justice: nine House races haven't been decided, and in all but one the GOP leads.

Fortunately in Ohio they know what's more important:

Rep. Deborah Pryce, a member of the House Republican leadership, leads her central Ohio race by 3,536 votes, pending the count of more than 9,000 provisional ballots.

Elections officials in the Columbus, Ohio-area have decided to delay that count by one day, to Nov. 19, so it does not disrupt the Michigan-Ohio State football game in Columbus on Nov. 18.

Posted 11:24 AM by Gene

The Democratic congressman who will investigate the Bush administration's running of the government says there are so many areas of possible wrongdoing that his biggest problem will be deciding which ones to pursue.

Why not all of them!

Posted 11:24 AM by Gene

THE GREATEST COMEDY OF ALL TIME did over $700,000 more business this Friday than last!

At three times as many screens!

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 11:08 AM by Gene

G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER'S NOT WORKING AGAIN!
HOORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 10:44 AM by Gene

For Glover's primary performances, the crew used motion capture technology, a recording process that required him to tap dance on a small stage under 60 lights in a black bodysuit that had 40 reflective sensors near his joints. As Glover performed, the light from his reflectors was recorded by an array of 60 cameras and turned into data.

But capturing Glover's every move onstage was only the beginning. Mumble's final performance in the film is in fact an amalgamation of more than 50 artists, including Elijah Wood's voice, mo-cap performer Matt Lee's facial expressions and gestures, five motion editors who refined Glover's performance, 10 computer animators who enhanced it, and more than two dozen background technical artists responsible for lighting and surfacing the 6 million feathers covering Mumble's body.

All this for another tenth-rate computer animation that'll fizzle at the box office.

P. S. at 1:10 p.m. Unfortunately, King Richard, I just wandered onto Your elaborate malfunctioning Web page. I'm thinking the last PEOPLE WARNER masterwork with such a bells-and-whistles site was THE ADVENTURES OF PLUTO NASH. (It's STILL UP?!?) Sorry, King Richard, this looks like the modern-day CGI equivalent of the ALL-TALKING, ALL-SINGING, ALL-DANCING PICTURES that flooded the market after the Crash, and which nearly destroyed the movie biz. (Look no further than the TITLE.) Not to worry, this will probably be a smash because so many parents who use the popcorn restaurants as day-care centers won't know better, but I'd like to believe you folks have laid a gold-plated penguin egg.

Not all is lost however, Kingie; You've probably just delivered a message to Ub Iger.

P. S. PEOPLE WARNER links to a press release in USAOKAY!!!!!, which should prove that paper is good for nothing but press releases.

Posted 10:25 AM by Gene

Perusing the TWXSTERS' gossip site I'm astonished at what absolute slobs the alleged biggies of show-biz are. We should not be surprised; they have bad taste to spare in their properties. But doesn't one of their tens of thousands of handlers ever say anything? Or don't they bother because none of these superstars is going to last?

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: In order to fix a bad tax Dems will break the tax structure more.

Posted 8:04 AM by Gene

Just as Republicans deluded themselves that some white knight would come to their sleazy candidates' rescue, now the news hacks are talking themselves into thinking there's been a "realignment." So long as news hacks are politicians campaigns can never end.

Posted 8:05 PM by Gene

"The senator has made no decision about running for president," said Eileen McMenamin, a McCain spokeswoman.

ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!!!!!

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

Excellent idea, Pete: let the Dems obstruct and obstruct and that way they elect Hillary (?!?!?), who'll run the "ball" in for all manner of goofy social engineering.

What makes a pundit think he knows any better than a Congressman?

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

Ms. Travers organizes DENNIS DAY FOR PRESIDENT, and a reader responds:

[E]ven if he did run, he'd go nowhere...he's too honest...way way way too honest and blunt. You and I may really like and admire that in him, but it's not something that will get you elected President...hopefully [SIC], he knows himself well enough to realize this, and hopefully [double SIC] he won't try to homogenize himself to make the run.

Dennis's problem wasn't "honesty"; it was a grating screeching style that certain politicos like Mr. Viagra and Boobs McKeating mistake for honesty. And how honest can he be when con-SER-va-tives accuse him of losing his own election by giving the back of the hand to Pat Toomey? No, give us a dishonest candidate instead.

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

This neatly sums it up:

On Day 1 of the next session of Congress, newly empowered Democrats are promising restrictive rules to "break the link between lobbyists and legislation." The city's veteran lobbyists know what to expect on Day 2: requests for political donations from the Capitol's new stewards.

What does it say when even the HACKS don't expect much?

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

I am IMPRESSED! in the MAIL!

Don't leave your "Happy Feet" in the movie theatre!!!!!

ON DEMAND from Comcast Digital Cable lets you enjoy the fun of "Happy Feet" at home, with exclusive dance lessons, behind-the-scenes videos, and more!!!!!

It's Comcastic!!!!! [Overemphasis added]

Let's get this straight, Brian Robber: you and the reconstituting phone monopoly want to turn me upside down and empty my pockets -- for what? So I can see promos of another tenth-rate computer animation that will probably fizzle at the B. O.? You want to charge me hundreds of bucks a month to improve the sewage flow into my apartment? You really think you can get away with this?

Bankruptcy can't come soon enough for you clods.

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

LBOs, junk bonds -- haven't we heard that siren's song before?

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

One last thing on these infernal talking hotairheads: PILLHEAD and the EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY are ideological crutches for people who can't think. They are also, in their essentials, humorless prigs; PILLHEAD overtly, ED covertly. ED demonstrated His true character when He thundered against the ass TUCKER. Take away His jokes and He becomes just another news hack, as we submit He is. Both men are also in their essentials liars, and PILLHEAD just admitted as much, which doesn't make Him any more honest, or less contemptible.

If the late election demonstrated one thing it's that the public may not like to have its demagoguery served straight. Look to the referenda; with most of the choices -- gay marriage, affirmative action, takings -- it demonstrated a solid conservative streak, but not a knee jerk one; its endorsement of the minimum wage, however dubious that nostrum, says that we may be tired of all the spoils going to billion-a-year CEOs. The public is often smarter than morons like the PILLHEAD and ED, and so long as these heroes of no-brains don't realize this They can belch as They please, and have admiring dimwits like Jonny Hairshirt write Their empty puff pieces.

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

I think Time magazine should name Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert to be its Person(s) of the Year.

What an apt honor that would be from a rag that just cut its circ by 750,000.

I think Jonny Hairshirt should get a job in Siberia so we wouldn't have to read his asinine columns.

(Via the inevitable Romy)

Posted 6:59 AM by Gene

Oooh, you're looking pretty, Madame Speaker-Elect! (Honest.) Lenny always going to make you look this pretty?

He'll try.

(We're not being ironic, by the way. She must have been something at 21.)

Posted 6:49 AM by Gene

Exit polls cannot show that Stewart and the left-leaning faux news phenomenon directly caused these gaps among youth voters. But neither could they show that there was a direct relationship between Rush Limbaugh and the elections of 1994.

Which won't prevent this dimwitted typist from jackhammering his keyboard and proclaiming THE EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY DESTROYED the Republican Party.

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

Concern about leftist victories in Latin America has prompted President Bush to quietly grant a waiver that allows the United States to resume training militaries from 11 Latin American and Caribbean countries.

This looks like a job for that raging buttinsky CHRIS DODD! Chris! Call Daniel!

Posted 6:43 AM by Gene

How Lord Stringer thinks He can overcome battery burnout:

The electronics giant also is using Bond to promote its cellphones, laptops and high-definition TVs by jamming them into scenes throughout "Casino Royale" in one of the most extensive movie product placements ever. Sony Chairman Howard Stringer told Fortune magazine that Bond "will carry so many Sony products that he won't be able to stand up."

And if that turns His tentpole into an anchor -- so what?

Oh, well, there's always hope, Lord: in the next one Bond? James -- Bond? can do battle with an army of exploding laptops.

Posted 7:28 PM by Gene

Conservatives have accused Gordon Brown of wasting taxpayers money, after it emerged that the Treasury spent £178,000 on taxi fares last year.

Hey TAXI!

Posted 6:06 PM by Gene

We are reassured that Iraq's president is reassured by the Democrats. Now we'd bet Ike Skelton was doing the reassuring; he's a solid (if "moderate") patriot and wouldn't back cut-and-run. But is he the majority of Democrats? What if the Deaniacs take charge and have a mass psychosis on the House floor?

We're reassured, but we're not that reassured.

Posted 3:43 PM by Gene

We can imagine what sort of song the WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE OF OUR AGE could write about losing $8.5 million, but we'll leave that to Him.

Posted 3:39 PM by Gene

Sen. Macaca has conceded.

LENNY FOR PRESI -- oh, he has more power. Forget it.

Posted 1:28 PM by Gene

Conrad Burns, a genuine oaf, has conceded, probably the only important thing he's ever done in his Senate career.

Posted 11:01 AM by Gene

TV obsessive-compulsives with DVRs drive up ratings of "HOT" shows with time-shifting.

Do they time-shift the ADS?

Posted 10:47 AM by Gene

I'm wondering why the muted news hack reaction to their glorious election win; possibly the increasing realization that the Democrats may have won the wrong election, and also, perhaps, the realization that determining the public's need to know isn't what it used to be.

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

"They had been pretty arrogant about their use of power," former congressman Bob Walker (R-Pa.) says about the Democrats.

They had "an arrogant disregard for the House as an institution," former congressman Martin Frost (D-Tex.) says about the Republicans.

SIX OF ONE....

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

OOOOOooooh, Tom Tancredo might run for President as a third-party candidate to protest blanket amnesty!

This is so typical of the melodrama after the election. I can't imagine any party would be so foolhardy to draw voter opprobrium on the subject. Alas, the Democrats are fools -- and so is Dubya.

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

Speaking of, we see Wal-Mart is celebrating Christmas, which would seem counter-intuitive given the great Congressional victory. Oh well, reactionism lives.

Posted 9:33 AM by Gene

The bad news: the political idiots spent a record on TV appointing themselves.

The good news: department-store ads are disappearing.

Posted 9:27 AM by Gene

Already the fight begins: Dubya's going to request a huge military "supplemental" the Dems can't possibly accept. Meantime Madame Speaker-Elect may choose Alcee as Mr. Intelligence Committee. These will be two fun years.

We would also say these will be two bad years for media Richie Riches but we know who finances the Dems.

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

Mike plugs THE NEXT GREATEST MUSICAL OF ALL TIME, which should play on the same stage as THE GREATEST MUSICAL OF ALL TIME, which Mike assures us will close in the spring, nine years before its scheduled closing.

When will Branson East have its withdrawal from high-skool revues?

P. S. Here's betting it's a hit -- but it might not run fifteen years, or even six; it sounds like an extended Carol Burnett sketch. Is that worth paying $2000 to see?

Hey Mike! RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in on it?

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

"It's rock solid and we're ready to ship. This is a good day," Allchin said in a conference call.

Let's see how many good days we have before the first service pack.

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

More news for our hacks to ignore: Markus Wolf, the head of the Stasi, has died.

His agents were said to be so effective that Erich Honecker, the East German head of state, regularly got to read the weekly intelligence digest of West German espionage before the West German chancellor.

We may chuckle now at the horrors of the Cold War, but we should stop chuckling when we realize worse may be coming.

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

We may wonder if the obituaries for the MESS were premature. On the other hand, what sane person watches cable news when there's no crisis? I suspect too the true believers may be having it with RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Pillhead didn't believe what he said. Why should we believe Pillhead?

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

The new Democratic House majority's plans to go after oil and pharmaceutical companies while taking it easy on hedge funds and other securities firms reflects a time-tested Capitol Hill practice: Be tough on political adversaries and kind to friends.

Yep, just as we suspected: it'll be a Democratic kind of Republicanism.

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

Tom Vilsack? Tom who? But then Jimmah came from the nowhere of What's My Line? We wonder, however, whether anyone can run against a female bulldozer.

Posted 8:21 AM by Gene

Robert Gates is a member of the FIXER Commission.

How fast's the retreat, Dubya?

Jimmah's Kissinger Zbig's endorsed him. CUT AND RUN!!!!!

Posted 1:01 PM by Gene

Rummy quits!

About three years too late.

And who is Robert Gates?

Posted 11:14 AM by Gene

And it's not just today's masterworks: Techbargains.com has a link to a sale of the TWXSTERS' volume one of Gilligan's Island, and perusing the user raves for all three volumes (lots of "hilarious") I'm thinking, are these the same shows I watched? I remember them from my youth, and I am certain they made me laugh not once, especially with that intrusive laugh track. Why does the passage of time assure "classic" status to junk? Why do I feel I share a tiny-minority viewpoint?

It did have a couple of appealing ladies, however.

Posted 10:08 AM by Gene

As they continue onward with their SIDE-SPLITTING HILARITY, we see the EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY allegedly drew 2 million viewers last Wednesday, and the ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY 1.5 million. The news hacks love regaling themselves with their importance, especially as they see a kind of idealized image in the mirror, HIP and truth-telling at once; but 2 million (and surely it's not always 2 million) is a fraction of the 24 million or more who watch the Big 3 squares, and while they may use denture adhesive and incontinence aids and may not learn the truth, at least they aren't HIP.

Posted 9:18 AM by Gene

Con-SER-va-tives were SURE the stock market would tank after the election of the Democratic forces of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL.

The stock market says ho-hum.

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

We presume this dreadful story of the Miami lineman's murder will be another case of NO SNITCHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

Let me guess -- first story on Romy: we did a GREAT job last night.

Well -- not quite. Lucy van Pelt didn't electrify the nation.

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

As for Dubya, now that he must deal with Congresspeople he may not like, does he show leadership? Does he whine and stomp his feet? Or does he remain in his usual comatose state?

We can guess.

Posted 6:39 AM by Gene

Republicans got a richly-deserved comeuppance. A party that scarcely twelve years ago stood on the precipice of reform had grown smug and old, wallowing in greed and corruption and the betrayal of its supporters' ideals. To be sure we might be less than satisfied that Democrats reaped the gain, but as we said three years ago, if the opposition stood upon principle the GOP would have gotten a far sounder pasting. The hacks, celebrating unbiasedly, have ascribed the defeat to EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL conservatism, a dubious notion given the many conservative referenda that passed (the South Dakota abortion ban being a notable exception, and that was flawed by its absolutism), but in the House especially the anger seemed more scattershot; and we cannot avoid the impact of personalities, such as that arch nincompoop Sen. Dennis Day, whose blazing stridency took half-a-dozen House members with him, or the blunderbuss Rep. Rush Limbaugh, or the equally deafening oaf Rep. Able Danger, not to mention the Caspar Milquetoast of Rhode Island. Already the Freepers were pushing Dennis for President. Of what? The Fraternal Order of Loudmouths? The party should have lost both houses outright; as it is, the Senate agony will continue into the new year, and in the courts -- thank YOU, LENNY!

As for the Dems, we suspect they will do what the Republicans have done these last few years, posture and preen. Madame Speaker-Elect is making the expected nice noises of reform and conciliation, but after two weeks it will be non-stop hearings on Bush's perfidy, and possibly his impeachment. If the Dems knew better they would hold off on the revenge and try to govern, and realize the scorn for Congress cuts both ways; but we don't expect Congresspoops to have sense, least of all Democrats. Certainly we don't expect leadership; most of the top House Dems are in their sixties and seventies, and know how to play the game on the public too well. Poor Dick Gephardt must have banged his head last night. Nor do we expect the GOP to control both houses again anytime soon; one look at their accomplishments under King Denny (who we hope will now be investigated for his REALTORING) and Dr. Wimp is enough.

As for the media types swelling peacock-like in their fatuous mode of triumph, as the tragic circumstances in Los Angeles attest, momentarily regaining power will not stop your slide into irrelevance. And to con-SER-va-tive types such as that infernal GOP parakeet Hugh Threeseats (whom we so call because his handlers instructed him to chirp their party would have a three-seat House majority) and the staff of NRO, we hurl a heartily earned SHUT UP.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The GREAT WHITE, er, HOPE of the LALATIMES is FIRED! THE BEANCOUNTERS WIN!!!!! THE TRUTH SUFFERS!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

So maybe tomorrow won't be such a good day for the hacks after all.

(Via Forbes.com, which quotes the Fighter: "By now you've seen the Wall Street Journal story on L.A. Observed that I'll be leaving the paper. Believe me, I didn't want it to come out this way." I think he's written the news biz' epitaph.)

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

I suppose the Web is AGOG over this, but really, these are two very ordinary people with luck and press agents.

Posted 4:55 PM by Gene

Now comes the election, and the specter of the lesser of two evils hovers over the land. I have still not decided whether to vote -- I have three hours. If I don't vote I am in contempt of my "obligations" as a citizen; never mind the dispiritment that you may vote for lost causes, or candidates who shouldn't be. If I do vote I have to determine which candidates to vote for -- straight party line is stupidity, or worse. And the last time around I voted not for Dubya but against Sen. Hein-TZZZZZ, a bad choice either way. I'm tired of voting against. The only people who win in elections are broadcasters.

Which makes me think of the mess to come. If the Democrats win the House (at least) it will be two years of turmoil, and no different from the turmoil just past except that where Republicans would line their wallets, Democrats would brandish their cowardice. I suppose the party will first try to defund the war, but one suspects enough Democrats will play chicken to prevent that. I can see Mssssss. Pelosi losing control of her more righteous charges, and said clowns spending the next two years in the Wagnerian fury of impeachment -- which would mean more Republican misrule. Then again it could be two fat years of nothing, the likeliest outcome. What a revolting choice.

Which brings us to 2008 -- I'm guessing Mitt vs. Hillary. I can see Boobs McKeating having a Muskie on the trail; Rudy Giuliani has a "woman" in his past. But there is something green about Mitt, and there is a miasma of the otherworldly to Mormonism. Then again Hillary's a permanent tantrum. And the campaign starts when this election stops, so we have no surcease from the bloviating.

One other thing: there's been much gas about electronic voting. Why can't we go all the way and do it in our homes? It's inevitable. And it would be no less secure than this patchwork system of levers and cards and touchscreens. There's no reason it can't be as secure as Internet shopping, with every voter required to enter his name, DOB, driver's license and Social Security numbers, and his mother's maiden name. It would give voters a chance to talk out their choice; no fake veil of secrecy. And it might bring thought into voting, and start to wean us from the oppressive influence of the consultants and the greedmeisters.

And finally, perhaps the pollsters have this right; but the elections of '48 and '94 are good reasons to think they may have it wrong, either way.

Posted 11:10 AM by Gene

So Venezuela does not get its seat on the League of Nations "Security" Council, meaning it will scream somewhere else.

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

When CEOs aren't busy playing at three, four or five country clubs they rush to their luxury suites at NASCAR races -- which brings up a question: With all the golf and NASCAR and Hollywood schmoozing, when do these idiots do any work?

Posted 8:20 AM by Gene

After the media's successful campaign for Democrats CJR whines that John Kerry's gaffe got too much coverage.

These tyrants will never be satisfied.

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

Excellent advice, Jack, not to buy a newspaper today -- it's so good we haven't bought one in years.

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 6:49 AM by Gene

TNR is predicting a Democratic "ripple", thanks to gerrymandering. We hate it too.

Of course this might be a backwards mirror image of with those right-wing "surges", but this has the advantage of at least slight intellectual honesty.

Posted 6:42 AM by Gene

Keeping in mind these are social scientists, how apt that they've come up with a new trope of television as visual alcohol. Can anyone other than B. S. DEFENDER doubt that too much TV is bad for children?

Amazing too -- this is RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s rag.

Posted 6:23 PM by Gene

As I attempted to read an absorbing account of "Supermax", the TWXSTERS kept shoving pop-ups on every page in my face asking for my help in a "survey"; pressing "no thanks" repeatedly didn't stop them. Not long ago there was a stink in AdAge over how people have survey burnout. And why not? They're a chore to complete and no one pays attention to them. If the TWXSTERS PAID for my time or if I knew I could speak directly with a top PEOPLE WARNER official about his product (fat chance), it would be worth it. Instead, it's pop-ups in the face and another self-inflicted black eye for PEOPLE WARNER.

Posted 6:18 PM by Gene

Now all those CEOs with multiple country-club memberships can donate to the GOLFING MACHINE's new course-building fund!

How many will they have to fire to pay for it?

(And of course the ASSPress had to spell it "busines.")

Posted 5:38 PM by Gene

Alas, the loony left's favorite dictator may not be recovering that fast.

"We are optimistic, and happy," he said. "The only ones who are sad are our enemies, who were all prepared to celebrate (his death)."

We may have reasons.

Posted 5:34 PM by Gene

Annoying: We laugh at the COMIC GENIUS OF THE AGES and then conjure storm clouds over our heads beholding Penn's dimwit president smiling vacantly at a Halloween party next to a student dressed as a suicide bomber.

Yes the stunt was stupid and distasteful, but why is it so many people can turn their sense of humor on and off, especially if dollar signs are present?

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

Excellent: The British government may have to cough up an extra £1 billion ($1.9 billion at current exchange rates) to pay for the GE BANCORP AND REALTY GAMES!

The world's oldest adolescent says the Games will be "stupendous and positive." So will the cost for all those white elephants.

Posted 3:46 PM by Gene

Not to worry, the word "ethics" will make all kinds of Frankensteining possible.

Posted 3:35 PM by Gene

Why we do home projects...

Posted 3:07 PM by Gene

HOW THE GOP SPUN JOHN KERRY'S FAILED JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And as we all know, the GOP LIED about what he said. What the Senator ACTUALLY said was:

"Do you know where you end up if you don't study, if you aren't smart, if you're intellectually lazy? You end up getting us stuck in a war in Iraq. Just ask President Bush."

Yes, that is what Sen. Hein-TZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ said. I think somebody's auditioning for CNN!!!!! Why does every last damnable pundit right and left want to stare at himself on TV?

Posted 11:53 AM by Gene

"ANOTHER BLACK DAY FOR THE ENEMIES OF ISLAM!!!!!!!!!!"

Another slimeball in jail.

Sorry Princie, your money's tainted.

Posted 10:41 AM by Gene

Bugmeister's getting into the hotel biz?

This lends itself so well to jokes and I can't make any up.

He's investing with the Saudi Prince Alwaleed, and:

Gates and Alwaleed have been collaborating for at least two years. After attending a dinner [SIC] at Gates' Bellevue, Washington home in early 2004, Alwaleed agreed to explore ways of assisting Microsoft's expansion in Saudi Arabia, according to a report from the Saudi state SPA news agency archived on Saudinf.com.

The two billionaires also agreed to jointly support ``selected humanitarian projects in Saudi Arabia,'' according to the report.

Yes, this definitely lends itself to jokes -- the kind in which we're the punchline.

And how soon we forget -- this is the $10 million gift guy.

Posted 10:31 AM by Gene

G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLENEWS Juxtaposition of the Day:

UPDATE 1-'Borat' vanquishes rivals in box office stunner
Reuters - all 424 news articles »

Hot Air Spells Death for Head Lice
Forbes - all 79 news articles »

Posted 10:25 AM by Gene

King Richard warns of another Internet bubble!

Contrary indicator?

Posted 9:25 AM by Gene

After weeks of fierce news-hack campaigning for the Democrats, and eons of the WaPost's MACACA, Howie Hairshirt and his gang tie themselves in knots over a HEADLINE.

Anybody for a few well placed profanities?

(Via ROMY, natch)

Posted 9:20 AM by Gene

Our one solace is where Latin leftists once marched in lockstep with the Soviets, today they seem more interested in who can make the stupidest speeches and bankrupting their countries.

Posted 8:49 AM by Gene

GE BANCORP AND REALTY will stream its GAMES live on the Web!

This is an admission of three problems: time zones, tape and synchronized swimming.

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

The no-longer flagship of PEOPLE WARNER MAGAZINES with a second-rate Web site declares YouTube its "Invention of the Year", proving once again that the newsrags constantly invent new ways to prove their irrelevance.

Posted 8:18 AM by Gene

There was a swing "revival". That didn't last. Then came a burlesque "revival". That didn't last. Now comes a bluegrass "revival". These things don't last because the originals were indigenous, and they bloomed for a purpose, and they were integral to the culture, and they were popular. These revivals largely serve nothing more than half-baked nostalgia, and they're often too gimmicked up to be real, and unlike the originals they never get beyond the cult phase. And they're all the more painful because they remind us of the age of GENIUS we live in.

(Via the usual ArtsJournal)

Posted 6:58 AM by Gene

For a second last week we detected flickers of life in Effete Edelstein's mind when he refused to join the 96% in RottenTomatoes (albeit because he's squeamish), but now it goes back to sleep:

Thank god [SIC]—or, rather, a select few production entities—for the flood of documentaries that illuminate, at least for a sliver of the public, the misbegotten, tragic, and very likely criminal occupation of Iraq.

Did I just write that? There goes my career in country music.

Your career as a movie ad-blurbist went a long time ago.

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

The Paper of Re-CORD's official movie publicist Laura moans over all the labor unrest in the biz, and for a moment she waxes philosophical:

Recently Mr. Ratner, the director, was driving down Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood when he noticed a going-out-of-business sign at Tower Records, the music retailer that once thrived on selling the music of superstars like Prince, Elton John and Madonna. Many here, like him, fear that the problems that plagued the music business are heading their way.

“What happens if the film business is not ahead of the curve?” he asked. “What is going to happen to me? To all of us?”

If your industry put out anything vaguely close to what it did at its best, decades ago, we might pull for you. But because you disgorge the artistic equivalent of the Cuyahoga River on fire we wish you nothing but the WORST.

P. S. LALA is wildly cheering for a flood of imitations of guess what -- and for possibly the first time in years PAUL DRECK opens his mouth and (unwittingly) speaks the truth: "'Candid Camera' on steroids." This is the masterpiece of our time. Thank you again, ad-blurbists!

Posted 6:37 AM by Gene

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooh, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL Republicans use -- telemarketing!

PINCH! Maybe we could get NANCY to pass a REPUBLICAN DO-NOT-CALL LAW!

Has anyone thought that because so many businessmen are Babbitts, and because so many Babbitts are Republicans, this gives them an edge?

Posted 9:21 PM by Gene

Speaking of overrated comic novelists:

I seem to be digging myself in deeper. I hereby take back everything I have said so far. It’s a disgusting, horrid, loathsome book. Miller should be ashamed. No — he should be executed. I issue a fatwa.

Normally, a reviewer quotes from the book. However, since there are very few sentences in these 321 pages that don’t contain an obscenity or moral atrocity, we will not be quoting extensively from the text. The more’s the pity, because Miller is a genuinely witty writer.

Sorry, I left my sense of humor at NYTIMES.COM. I must admit people like BILL BUCKLEYSON get me angry because I couldn't get published if I paid for it with a pound of my own flesh, and BILL BUCKLEYSON and his ilk can (and do) run anything, and get bootlicking raves.

Why do I continue blogging if all it gets me is five hits and angry?

Posted 7:43 PM by Gene

Even as idiot hacks regaled us in THE GREATEST COMEDY OF ALL TIME, the Bloomy (!) was somehow able to report that multinational corporations bought materials made by slave labor.

Guess which story got 30 Google News links -- and which story got 3,510.

Posted 6:20 PM by Gene

You can't keep a good man -- down:

After his TD, Owens dropped to ground [sic] and rested his head on the football - likely a reference to his acknowledgment that he falls asleep during team meetings - and drew a 15-yard penalty from the officials and an angry scream from Parcells.

Go, T. O.!

Posted 2:36 PM by Gene

I guess Canadians are no longer searching for the Carter of Sitcomdom, so it's back to three hits a day. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANYBODY OUT THERE?!?!?

Posted 2:12 PM by Gene

We smile because Carl Hiaasen may someday be known solely as the twit who inflicted ERAGON on us, and who provided The Bionic Woman with new BREASTS; that notwithstanding, this sales pitch for his latest book is the kind of gargantuan logrolling that usually means the opposite of what it says. For years people called Robert Benchley funny. Then they called S. J. Perelman funny. Then they called James Thurber funny. With rare exceptions (mostly Thurber's) they aren't funny anymore. And how many comic novelists live in posterity's ditch? The prolific Peter De Vries was once celebrated as a fun-NY comic novelist -- all of TWO of his books are in print, only one a comic novel. No, to our thinking, Carl Hiaasen is the twit who inflicted ERAGON on us, and provided The Bionic Woman with new BREASTS.

Posted 2:07 PM by Gene

Tennessee starting running back Arian Foster and two other players were arrested early Sunday after police were called to a fight at a nightclub.

With professional college football players what's the difference between on and off the field?

Posted 1:30 PM by Gene

Poor PAUL DRECK must have laryngitis, but we wonder about his epochal B. O. triumph. It's as if every week the same pool of stupid blind teens gathers to make a number one hit, usually godawful horror movies. We should not be surprised if the relatively stable performance of teen-oriented garbage owes to high-school clannishness and youth's numbing conformity (not to mention that many of the popcorn restaurants are in malls, traditional delinquents' hangouts); everyone HAS to see whatever the piece of junk of the moment is -- and this week the piece of junk was THE GREATEST COMEDY OF ALL TIME.

We have said this before too: DICK SCHICK said seven years ago the movies are no longer a mass medium. Take stupid teens out of the equation you've taken out a third of your audience; take out the prefab stupid computer animations and "family" gross-out flicks and there's a good chunk more. How many go to see a movie for reasons beside peer pressure and humoring their kids?

We must congratulate one of the true Lex Luthors of our time, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Opening at 800 "screens" was better than opening at 2,000. We're now suspecting He did this on purpose. Indeed given show-biz' veracity we question the definition of "screen." Whether His brilliant move will look so brilliant next week remains to be seen.

And thank YOU, David "Non" Germain -- we now know what that DIMWIT Michael Sragow had in mind when he wrote of "ADVERTISING."

Posted 1:14 PM by Gene

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Polls see Republicans keeping Senate control

Posted 12:57 PM by Gene

The LALATIMES sent its whole staff plus reserves to run plugs for upcoming movies. (This is -- typical.) Ask any of them and they wouldn't have the foggiest idea why TRIB is selling itself piecemeal. Must be the DO-NOT-CALL LAW -- or FREEBIES.

David Geffen may be in for an unpleasant surprise. Have any more Jackson Pollocks to monetize?

Posted 11:39 AM by Gene

When SOB concedes that readers "resent" editorial endorsements, we may ask ourselves if, in a truly fundamental sense, the news hacks' jig is up.

Posted 11:14 AM by Gene

An election is coming up, and pundits, commentators and assorted pooh-bahs are full of predictions.

"Expert Political Judgment," a recent book by University of California psychologist Philip Tetlock, suggests that we shouldn't be too impressed by these predictions. With some exceptions, they're not much better than those generated by a good pair of dice.

So why do you infernal HACKS keep PUMMELING us with your BLANKETY-BLANK PREDICTIONS?

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

The Bush administration claim that North Korea cheated or reneged on a 1994 agreement with the U.S. to freeze its nuclear program is ``completely false and ridiculous,'' former U.S. President Jimmy Carter said.

Who needs Sen. HEIN-TZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ when we have JIMMAH!

Posted 10:20 AM by Gene

Hmmm:

Cruise/Wagner will have to co-finance movies - with budgets ranging from $40 million to $60 million - with their own money or by raising it through third-party investors.

"They're looking for fool's money," said one source. "MGM will put up seed money in the hopes of luring the bulk of the financing out of a dumb financial player before they realize just how risky it is to pour money into movies."

We don't like anonymous sources -- but could this source be right?

P. S.

...Snyder's net worth runs into the billions of dollars....

You sure?

Posted 10:14 AM by Gene

Wanna bet first thing after the election con-SER-va-tives work out some ruse to get Ah-NULT to run for president?

Posted 10:12 AM by Gene

Bob Bruette now knows who’s charged with destroying nearly $300,000 worth of construction equipment and dealing a blow that staggered his company for weeks.

And it makes him sick to his stomach.

Sick because the alleged perpetrators are three young men who, after a night of partying, thought the destruction was funny. Sick because those three men each face up to 39 years in prison if convicted. And, perhaps more than anything, sick because he was forced to lay off six of his 10 workers.

“They went from bringing home a $1,500 weekly paycheck to trying to pay bills on $290 worth of unemployment checks,” he said.

Hey SUMNER! Maybe you should sign 'em to a contract anyway!

Posted 9:47 AM by Gene

But my favorite method of gauging the vitality of India's publishing industry is to weigh it. That's what I did with the October issue of the local edition of Cosmopolitan. At 1,016 pages it landed with a solid thunk on my desk, evoking a mixture of shock and curiosity. Shock that anyone would need a thousand pages-plus of sex advice, fashion and beauty tips; and curiosity as to the secret of Cosmo's success given the struggle so many publishers in America face over declining readership and fickle ad sales. The verdict? October's Cosmo weighed a hefty 4.95 lbs.

"It's a sunrise moment for Indian publishing," says Mala Sekhri, publishing director of Cosmopolitan India and the brains behind the 10th anniversary issue — the biggest of any Cosmo edition anywhere ever. "It's really not as developed or evolved as the U.S. or U.K. But it's growing fast." Sekhri got the idea for a 1,000-page edition when she visited Cosmopolitan's New York headquarters two years ago. "The Russian edition had just put out an issue around 850 pages," she remembers. "I told them: India will soon catch up."

Psst! King Richard! Maybe we should buy HEARST, n'est-ce pas?

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

On the surface, Barack Obama seems like a solid, reassuring figure. But as we know too well most politicians these days are nothing but surface -- scratch it and you risk a scalding expulsion of hot air, or a mass escape of slugs. Yes, Barack seems like a decent person, but he can't run for president solely on personal decency, and when we learn of the real person beneath the surface (ADA 2005 rating: 100; ACU 2005 rating: 8) we're apt to be let down again.

Posted 9:29 AM by Gene

If a newsrag really wants to curry favor with its readers, why not, instead of running leading articles or the usual fake pabulum we expect of them, run stories that get few column inches here, for the international editions, where the chances of reader-rending bias are smaller -- stories like the still-smoldering French riots? If I edited a newsrag that's what I do -- and to the extreme displeasure of my bosses I would NEVER run cover show-biz plugs; such ads raise suspicions enough.

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

An e-mail I'd like to send out before day's end:

Dear Ms. Howell:

Is an ombudsman’s purpose merely to excuse mistakes and excesses after they happen – to provide a kind of intellectual fig leaf? And if an ombudsman is always apologizing for her paper’s mistakes and excesses but the paper goes on committing them, what’s the point of her job?

You well-paid hacks speak for yourselves – really, you do that too well. Who speaks for me?

Yours,

[Eugene David]

Posted 8:55 AM by Gene

A publication which is 18-percent owned by THE LORD GOD tackles whose side Jesus should be on. We can be sure we know -- but just so our readers don't take it too personally, JonBoy has one of those annoying all-purpose last grafs that fool no one:

In the East Room of the White House on the National Day of Prayer in 2005—an event organized by Dobson's wife, Shirley—President Bush told an old story about Abraham Lincoln. A minister once remarked to Lincoln that he hoped God was on the president's side. No, Lincoln replied, that wasn't quite right: it was Lincoln's job to make sure he was on the Lord's side, for "the Lord was always on the side of the right." In the wars of our own time, we can hope, too, that we will end up on that side, whether we come from the right, the left or somewhere in between.

First off, who needs "God" when we have GOD -- or more to the point, ourselves? Second, because news hacks are true believers of a different sort, aren't those who believe in THEIR Nazi reactionary "God" somehow -- well, smaller in "His" eyes? Third -- and we've gotten so we must say this every time we encounter religion in the news -- when the hacks mention "God" with the usual gassy pieties (and the quotation marks merely reflect their beliefs) we know they haven't been inside a church other than to "report", and moreover, they're pulling the usual fake Our Town routine, to show their non-existent allegiance to the PEE-pul they despise in the highly exclusive shelter of the luxury news suites.

Meantime JonBoy pulls another ANNIE. He obviously thinks his readers either don't have computers, or they can't read. For our editions it's the banal "The Politics of Jesus." For the international editions it's "AMERICA'S GOD COMPLEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!) These jerks' contempt for their readers is DEPTHLESS.

Posted 8:53 AM by Gene

Saddam Hussein to be hanged

Surprise -- but why did it take so long?