THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, July 16, 2005
The LATEST from Carl Limburger and NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
Falwell: I Trust Brush on Supreme Ct.
The one you comb your frizzy hair with? Or the one you BEAT people with?
Falwell: I Trust Brush on Supreme Ct.
The one you comb your frizzy hair with? Or the one you BEAT people with?
Tens of thousands of dollars meant to help defray the city's costs for hosting the Live 8 concert were deposited not in city coffers but in a private account managed by an independent nonprofit that Mayor Street controls.
Perhaps this is totally innocent, or perhaps it demonstrates our beloved mayor can never stop thinking of himself -- AND HIS FRIENDS.
Perhaps this is totally innocent, or perhaps it demonstrates our beloved mayor can never stop thinking of himself -- AND HIS FRIENDS.
STERNO's got ANOTHER NEW THING: DELL'S CUSTOMER SERVICE.
Really, STERNO, isn't this a little -- EASY?
Really, STERNO, isn't this a little -- EASY?
Which reminds me: yesterday during a driving rainstorm I was caught in the bowels of our subway concourse where some twenty-something nerds engaged in germ warf -- handed out LITERATURE for LYNDON LaROUCHE. And the thought struck me: what's the difference between LaRoucheism and SCIENTOLOGY, except one's popular in LALALAND?
Those are two circles in a Venn diagram that nearly overlap.
Those are two circles in a Venn diagram that nearly overlap.
Family: Suspect was 'brainwashed'
When will the Muslim world finally come to realize ISLAMISM is BRAINWASHING?
When will the Muslim world finally come to realize ISLAMISM is BRAINWASHING?
Remember when people battered down convenience stores to buy BASEBALL CARDS hoping their two-cent pieces of posterboard would someday be worth 500 UMPTEEN MEGAZILLION KATRILLION DOLLARS? Well, not long after SELIGISM sputtered its way to GREATNESS. NOW:
Sports card company Upper Deck has won an auction to take over rival Fleer's name and its toy car business.
The Upper Deck Co., a privately-held company based in Carlsbad, Calif., bid $6.1 million for the intellectual property and die-cast toy business of debt-ridden Fleer, according to the Web site of Warren J. Martin Jr., a lawyer overseeing Thursday's auction.
Saddled with nearly $40 million in debt, Fleer went out of business in May. Lawyers for the Mount Laurel-based company said that the rising costs associated with putting sports memorabilia into packs of cards, coupled with dwindling interest in the hobby, led to the company's demise.
I guess greed isn't what it used to be. That or the collectors have graduated to HOUSES.
A NICE PUNCHLINE:
Fleer's remaining memorabilia — items ranging from a uniform from Japanese home run king Sadaharu Oh to a box of baseballs signed by retired pitcher Sparky Lyle to pingpong balls used in an NBA draft lottery — is to be auctioned later.
The proceeds from that auction and the one held Thursday will go to a list of creditors that includes dozens of professional athletes.
HARDY-HAR-HAR!
Sports card company Upper Deck has won an auction to take over rival Fleer's name and its toy car business.
The Upper Deck Co., a privately-held company based in Carlsbad, Calif., bid $6.1 million for the intellectual property and die-cast toy business of debt-ridden Fleer, according to the Web site of Warren J. Martin Jr., a lawyer overseeing Thursday's auction.
Saddled with nearly $40 million in debt, Fleer went out of business in May. Lawyers for the Mount Laurel-based company said that the rising costs associated with putting sports memorabilia into packs of cards, coupled with dwindling interest in the hobby, led to the company's demise.
I guess greed isn't what it used to be. That or the collectors have graduated to HOUSES.
A NICE PUNCHLINE:
Fleer's remaining memorabilia — items ranging from a uniform from Japanese home run king Sadaharu Oh to a box of baseballs signed by retired pitcher Sparky Lyle to pingpong balls used in an NBA draft lottery — is to be auctioned later.
The proceeds from that auction and the one held Thursday will go to a list of creditors that includes dozens of professional athletes.
HARDY-HAR-HAR!
This is the HOLY GRAIL of the NEW THEATAH: to revive AN IMMORTAL MASTERPIECE. But none of the DOKTOR's ETERNAL VERITIES has ever been profitably revived on Broadway. Who wants to spend a whole evening with a DOWNER? (Indeed his only enduringly popular work with the people -- certainly at colleges -- may be A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, perhaps because it's Watered-Down Bawdy Humor Made E-Z -- and DESPITE a GAWDAWFUL MOVIE VERSION.) Nonetheless his thousands of millions of fans will keep trying, until every last one of these treasures goes the way of VICTOR HERBERT. And people can still hum "Indian Summer."
I hate to keep harping on this MASTER, but he's one of these GENIUSES -- like Dylan, like Bruce, like Martin -- whom the HACKS regard as BULLETPROOF, largely because by merely citing his name they think they're being INTELLIGENT. Saying EINSTEIN a million times does NOT raise your IQ.
I hate to keep harping on this MASTER, but he's one of these GENIUSES -- like Dylan, like Bruce, like Martin -- whom the HACKS regard as BULLETPROOF, largely because by merely citing his name they think they're being INTELLIGENT. Saying EINSTEIN a million times does NOT raise your IQ.
PROFOUND THOUGHTS AT TOILETBOWL.COM:
Mining the Minds of Killers
What strange obsession drives the authors of grisly true-crime books?
Well, for one thing, they think they'll make a fortune; their editors and publishers think they'll make a fortune; and the high priests of Hollywood think by buying the properties they'll make a fortune. Could that be the reason? NAAAAAAAAAAH.
Mining the Minds of Killers
What strange obsession drives the authors of grisly true-crime books?
Well, for one thing, they think they'll make a fortune; their editors and publishers think they'll make a fortune; and the high priests of Hollywood think by buying the properties they'll make a fortune. Could that be the reason? NAAAAAAAAAAH.
Shucks, the Governator decides not to exercise his RIGHT as a REPUBLICAN to MAKE MONEY.
Larry Kudlow will not like this.
Not that Governator needs the money -- but it would have been nice pocket change.
Larry Kudlow will not like this.
Not that Governator needs the money -- but it would have been nice pocket change.
Friday, July 15, 2005
Muslim leaders and scholars met at London's largest mosque Friday to condemn the terrorist attacks in the British capital, saying the perpetrators had violated the Quran by killing innocent civilians and that no one should consider them martyrs.
BUT the 22 imams and scholars stopped short of condemning all suicide bombings, saying that those that target occupying forces in countries such as Israel and Iraq are sometimes justified.
Again, despite the condition, this must count as progress; BUT so long as there are conditions we cannot be sure that even an accidental killing of civilians might not be piously weasel-worded into a just act.
BUT the 22 imams and scholars stopped short of condemning all suicide bombings, saying that those that target occupying forces in countries such as Israel and Iraq are sometimes justified.
Again, despite the condition, this must count as progress; BUT so long as there are conditions we cannot be sure that even an accidental killing of civilians might not be piously weasel-worded into a just act.
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to the REUT for making LEMONADE out of what has become a LEMONY CAREER.
And of course what sales pitch is complete without a STAT -- "$1 billion" in record sales. No doubt the REUT cribbed it off a flack sheet, without bothering to do any calculations or furrow a brow. THAT we reserve for KARL ROVE.
And of course what sales pitch is complete without a STAT -- "$1 billion" in record sales. No doubt the REUT cribbed it off a flack sheet, without bothering to do any calculations or furrow a brow. THAT we reserve for KARL ROVE.
In some quarters, the definition of a "HERO":
A young Marine who feared returning to Iraq persuaded his cousin to shoot him in the leg, then told police he was hit by random gang gunfire, authorities said.
A young Marine who feared returning to Iraq persuaded his cousin to shoot him in the leg, then told police he was hit by random gang gunfire, authorities said.
I wonder what she did to offend Islam?
P. S.
Police investigations into the attacks gathered pace as it emerged that one of the London bombers visited the Houses of Parliament as a guest of a Labour MP.
Buhbuhbuhbuhbuhbuhbuhbuhbuhbuhbuhbuhbuhbuhbuhbuhbuh....
ANOTHER INJUSTICE:
A federal appeals court put the Bush administration's military commissions for terrorist suspects back on track Friday, saying a detainee at the Guantanamo Bay prison who once was Osama bin-Laden's driver can stand trial.
Isn't it bad enough we run a GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULAG?
A federal appeals court put the Bush administration's military commissions for terrorist suspects back on track Friday, saying a detainee at the Guantanamo Bay prison who once was Osama bin-Laden's driver can stand trial.
Isn't it bad enough we run a GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULAG?
ROMY SHAKES HIS HEAD VIOLENTLY BECAUSE "BUSH'S MOUTHPIECE" SHOULD RESIGN!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile, over at The Corner, an observation from "The Derb" -- and while he occasionally gives us a slightly unpleasant sensation, we can't quite ignore it:
UH-OH [John Derbyshire]
A reader has a slightly creepy thought about current news obsessions:
"JD---Both the Wilson and Aruba stories are so much hoopla, space-fillers.
"Kind of reminds me of the summer of 2001, all Chandra [Levy] all the time until shortly after Labor Day..."
Posted at 11:58 AM
Meanwhile, over at The Corner, an observation from "The Derb" -- and while he occasionally gives us a slightly unpleasant sensation, we can't quite ignore it:
UH-OH [John Derbyshire]
A reader has a slightly creepy thought about current news obsessions:
"JD---Both the Wilson and Aruba stories are so much hoopla, space-fillers.
"Kind of reminds me of the summer of 2001, all Chandra [Levy] all the time until shortly after Labor Day..."
Posted at 11:58 AM
J'ACCUSE!
ST. LOUIS (AP) - Two hip-hop radio personalities have been suspended for an on-air discussion of ways to fight police officers - comments made not long after an officer was slain.
Officials at KATZ-FM would not detail the comments, but said the remarks made on Wednesday related to ways to hurt or disarm police officers.
Why can't we make a CASE for these martyrs -- just as we're making a case for JOE WILSON?
ST. LOUIS (AP) - Two hip-hop radio personalities have been suspended for an on-air discussion of ways to fight police officers - comments made not long after an officer was slain.
Officials at KATZ-FM would not detail the comments, but said the remarks made on Wednesday related to ways to hurt or disarm police officers.
Why can't we make a CASE for these martyrs -- just as we're making a case for JOE WILSON?
SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like the way E&P leads off the hed -- like having a surprise birthday party for yourself. Really, I think we've had enough of HACKS SNEERING AT US.
I like the way E&P leads off the hed -- like having a surprise birthday party for yourself. Really, I think we've had enough of HACKS SNEERING AT US.
BRENT BOZELL IS MAD AGAIN!!!!!
This is why STERNO always makes fun of him: his foot-stomping over those blasted four-letter words. He's not concerned about sleaze on television -- he's concerned about narrow, specific kinds of sleaze. (He also doesn't mind violence, as his un-shut-uppable endorsements of PATRIOTIC GORE demonstrate.) Really, isn't it time for a cultural watchdog with erudition -- and SENSE?
P. S. I just surfed STERNO for the first time in weeks; his thing's now that proposed artsy-craftsy museum at Ground Zero. Oh well, so long as he doesn't obsess over PRUDES.
This is why STERNO always makes fun of him: his foot-stomping over those blasted four-letter words. He's not concerned about sleaze on television -- he's concerned about narrow, specific kinds of sleaze. (He also doesn't mind violence, as his un-shut-uppable endorsements of PATRIOTIC GORE demonstrate.) Really, isn't it time for a cultural watchdog with erudition -- and SENSE?
P. S. I just surfed STERNO for the first time in weeks; his thing's now that proposed artsy-craftsy museum at Ground Zero. Oh well, so long as he doesn't obsess over PRUDES.
GEORGE PATAKI is running for PRESIDENT OF THE PAPER OF RE-CORD!
He sure ain't running for PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
He sure ain't running for PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
Chief Nine Fingers is going out with his boots on.
Fine for the Wild West -- is it good for the Nine Fingers?
Fine for the Wild West -- is it good for the Nine Fingers?
Thursday, July 14, 2005
"Duke" Cunningham, one of NEWT's original stalwarts, is leaving Congress because he sold a house to a defense contractor who then sold it at a $700,000 loss.
I guess that trade doesn't seem so smart now, huh Duke.
I guess that trade doesn't seem so smart now, huh Duke.
Four female liberal Democratic senators (two of them Republicans) want Justice O'Connor to stay because EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL lurks.
No, Justice O'Connor's husband has Alzheimer's, and she did a decent act, more than we can ever expect of "such things" as SENATORS.
No, Justice O'Connor's husband has Alzheimer's, and she did a decent act, more than we can ever expect of "such things" as SENATORS.
Strong words and good words about SELIGISM -- now if only this guy hadn't plugged ANOTHER CON-SER-VA-TIVE MOVIE.
To the extent we can believe public opinion polls, declining Muslim support for terrorism ought to be a good thing. But consider the numbers:
Getting out Bugmeister Bill's handy-dandy Calculator I see these nations average about 27 percent for. Factor in differing populations (and that in Jordan and Lebanon they're most likely venting at JOOOOOOOOS) and still a good quarter of these people think blowing up innocent civilians is a fine thing. We have a long way to go to defeat this scourge -- and to believe the world of Islam in its protestations, despite the many within it of conscience.
Getting out Bugmeister Bill's handy-dandy Calculator I see these nations average about 27 percent for. Factor in differing populations (and that in Jordan and Lebanon they're most likely venting at JOOOOOOOOS) and still a good quarter of these people think blowing up innocent civilians is a fine thing. We have a long way to go to defeat this scourge -- and to believe the world of Islam in its protestations, despite the many within it of conscience.
"Roses are Reddish. Violets are Blueish. Our stock's in the toilet. But at least we're both Jewish."
What rhymes with "Junior," "Warner Music Group" and "SUCKERS!"?
What rhymes with "Junior," "Warner Music Group" and "SUCKERS!"?
Suicide barrage on Baghdad govt. compound foiled
Okay HACKS, does that mean we bury it because IT'S NOT NEWS?
Okay HACKS, does that mean we bury it because IT'S NOT NEWS?
No! NO!!!!!
Politics: U.N. To Govern Internet?
One thing's sure: DIAL-UP MODEMS would be a HOT COMMODITY.
Anyone for 600 BAUD?
Politics: U.N. To Govern Internet?
One thing's sure: DIAL-UP MODEMS would be a HOT COMMODITY.
Anyone for 600 BAUD?
Two interesting links in ArtsJournal.com:
How Long Should The Intermission Be?
A Pink Floyd Opera?
I say -- FOREVER.
How Long Should The Intermission Be?
A Pink Floyd Opera?
I say -- FOREVER.
1. Baseball's better than ever -- the All-Star Game's ratings were off by 8 percent -- to a new low!
2. Media Life, an industry shill, said the ratings were UP 11 PERCENT!
So -- SKEPTICISM is not just limited to NEWSPAPERS.
2. Media Life, an industry shill, said the ratings were UP 11 PERCENT!
So -- SKEPTICISM is not just limited to NEWSPAPERS.
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger is being paid $1 million a year as a consultant to a company that publishes fitness magazines, a deal critics say is a serious conflict of interest for the former bodybuilding champion.
Six of one:
"He shouldn't be taking this kind of money -- because HE'S A REPUBLICAN!"
Half-dozen of the other:
"Why shouldn't he take the money?"
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
Six of one:
"He shouldn't be taking this kind of money -- because HE'S A REPUBLICAN!"
Half-dozen of the other:
"Why shouldn't he take the money?"
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
J. K.'s FRANCHISE may be "past its peak."
MEMO to USAOKAY!!!!!: SELL IT SOME @#$%&* MORE!!!!!!!!!!
And please Gary, call it -- SKEPTICISM.
MEMO to USAOKAY!!!!!: SELL IT SOME @#$%&* MORE!!!!!!!!!!
And please Gary, call it -- SKEPTICISM.
ROMY shakes his head as NEWS HACKS TELL THE TRUTH AGAIN!!!!!
Of course it depends on your definition of "truth." It may also depend on your definition of Minnesota.
I would check the BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM to see if they've responded to this EVIL from the STRIB but they tell the truth DIFFERENTLY.
Of course it depends on your definition of "truth." It may also depend on your definition of Minnesota.
I would check the BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM to see if they've responded to this EVIL from the STRIB but they tell the truth DIFFERENTLY.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Running through some past posts to reassure myself of my brilliance (hardy-har-har), I came across the former Sen. Foghorn Leghorn. And I thought, whatever became of that cartoon character anyhow? Not much; he rates only about seventeen entries in GoogleNews, most regarding his son, who's running for the honorary post of South Carolina's lieutenant governor. As for the cluckcluckclucking dad, he resides in Charleston, perhaps not quite as important as before, but he did "write a letter" to DR. EVIL on the occasion of THE CONSPIRACY's HQ being named for him.
Or as Henry Adams wrote,
The type of Senator in 1850 [like Foghorn] was rather charming at its best, and the Senate, when in good temper, was an agreeable body, numbering only some sixty members, and affecting the airs of courtesy. Its vice was not so much a vice of manners or temper as of attitude. The statesman of all periods was apt to be pompous, but even pomposity was less offensive than familiarity -- on the platform as in the pulpit -- and Southern pomposity, when not arrogant, was genial and sympathetic, almost quaint and childlike in its simple-mindedness; quite a different thing from the Websterian or Conklinian pomposity of the North....
[A]ny one could be President, and some very shady characters were likely to be. Presidents, Senators, Congressmen, and such things were swarming in every street.
P. S. I can find no mention on House and Senate sites of the "remarks" four such things expectorated on DR. EVIL this past June 22. How odd. How predictable.
Or as Henry Adams wrote,
The type of Senator in 1850 [like Foghorn] was rather charming at its best, and the Senate, when in good temper, was an agreeable body, numbering only some sixty members, and affecting the airs of courtesy. Its vice was not so much a vice of manners or temper as of attitude. The statesman of all periods was apt to be pompous, but even pomposity was less offensive than familiarity -- on the platform as in the pulpit -- and Southern pomposity, when not arrogant, was genial and sympathetic, almost quaint and childlike in its simple-mindedness; quite a different thing from the Websterian or Conklinian pomposity of the North....
[A]ny one could be President, and some very shady characters were likely to be. Presidents, Senators, Congressmen, and such things were swarming in every street.
P. S. I can find no mention on House and Senate sites of the "remarks" four such things expectorated on DR. EVIL this past June 22. How odd. How predictable.
The CORNER's gaga over another CON-SER-VA-TIVE movie.
These clowns don't merely get on my nerves, they stomp on them. NRO CON-SER-VA-TIVES are cultural liberals. There's no distinguishing them and the GLIBERAL, or any conventional ad-blurb copywriter. They can be PC too, only more SMOOTHLY. Indeed one suspects many are con-SER-va-tives only insofar as it can take them, and they have too many connections. I forlornly look for a conservative with principles, not a Jonah, not a Tucker, not a Brooksy, who stands for something other than making as much money as possible (I would say getting laid as often as possible, but they may be a little old for that). As I've had to say too many times, there's no difference between con-SER-va-tive glibness and LIBERAL.
These clowns don't merely get on my nerves, they stomp on them. NRO CON-SER-VA-TIVES are cultural liberals. There's no distinguishing them and the GLIBERAL, or any conventional ad-blurb copywriter. They can be PC too, only more SMOOTHLY. Indeed one suspects many are con-SER-va-tives only insofar as it can take them, and they have too many connections. I forlornly look for a conservative with principles, not a Jonah, not a Tucker, not a Brooksy, who stands for something other than making as much money as possible (I would say getting laid as often as possible, but they may be a little old for that). As I've had to say too many times, there's no difference between con-SER-va-tive glibness and LIBERAL.
The NHL and the players union come to another agreement.
SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
OH oh, get ready for the POLITICALLY-CORRECT BEAN COUNTERS again:
RTNDA: Minorities in Radio Fell to 7.9%
There should be more minorities in broadcast news, but the problem is many of the new hires tend to be hyperliberals, which means more demands for Karl Rove's resignation and other justice. It bears repeating: diversity, yes -- but also THOUGHT DIVERSITY.
P. S. Some of this is due to CHEAP CHANNELING, and we all know how CHEAP CHANNEL stands on MUSICAL diversity.
RTNDA: Minorities in Radio Fell to 7.9%
There should be more minorities in broadcast news, but the problem is many of the new hires tend to be hyperliberals, which means more demands for Karl Rove's resignation and other justice. It bears repeating: diversity, yes -- but also THOUGHT DIVERSITY.
P. S. Some of this is due to CHEAP CHANNELING, and we all know how CHEAP CHANNEL stands on MUSICAL diversity.
Indeed, as soon as Monday's bash-by-press session ended, Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.) called on Rove to resign. If everybody resigned when Kerry demanded it, Washington would be empty.
No, we'd have a one-party town. But the idea of everyone in Washington resigning has its merits.
No, we'd have a one-party town. But the idea of everyone in Washington resigning has its merits.
JOKE OF THE DAY: Some fleabag vanity press named Random House pays big bucks to a [C]RAPPER for his "life story," perhaps thinking [C]RAPPERS can read and write. Not unexpectedly, the [C]RAPPER writes nothing and may have kept the advance. The vanity press and the [C]RAPPER settle a lawsuit which no doubt entailed the vanity press spending big bucks reclaiming the big bucks it should have known it would lose in the first place.
A BRILLIANT punchline:
Combs is not the first musician who failed to deliver his life's story. Years ago, Mick Jagger received a seven-figure advance to write his memoirs, but eventually returned the money, saying he couldn't remember anything of significance.
A BRILLIANT punchline:
Combs is not the first musician who failed to deliver his life's story. Years ago, Mick Jagger received a seven-figure advance to write his memoirs, but eventually returned the money, saying he couldn't remember anything of significance.
Homeland Security To Be Restructured
Does that mean they get to make up fancy new organization charts on their computers?
Does that mean they get to make up fancy new organization charts on their computers?
In further news of the Brits' FRIENDS:
Pakistan has said it helped Britain thwart a militant attack before May's general election in the UK.
Well THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!!!
Pakistan has said it helped Britain thwart a militant attack before May's general election in the UK.
Well THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!!!
Another hero for the hacks to chortle over:
Baghdad, July 13 -- Twenty-seven people, many of them children, were killed by a suicide truck bomb today as the children gathered around an Army vehicle where troops were handing out candy.
Baghdad, July 13 -- Twenty-seven people, many of them children, were killed by a suicide truck bomb today as the children gathered around an Army vehicle where troops were handing out candy.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Colgate’s laundry-detergent market shares fell by more than half over the past 10 years as Colgate managed them for profit margin. In the 1990s, the company outsourced all production, ended all media support and conceded laundry detergent to industry heavyweight Procter & Gamble Co. as it concentrated on oral and personal care and pet food.
You could say Colgate-Palmolive WELCHED on these brands.
You could say Colgate-Palmolive WELCHED on these brands.
TAKE THAT, BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM! VIACON NETWORK NEWS is getting into the 24-HOUR NEWS BUSINESS! ON THE WEB!!
And I've got a slogan: ALL BIAS, ALL THE TIME! HA HA HA HA!!!!!
TAKE DOUBLE-THAT!
And I've got a slogan: ALL BIAS, ALL THE TIME! HA HA HA HA!!!!!
TAKE DOUBLE-THAT!
A study released Tuesday said drivers who use cell phones -- even hands-free models -- are four times as likely to be involved in wrecks involving a serious injury than are drivers who do not use cell phones.
And DR. EVIL, now disguised as a CELL-PHONE LOBBYIST, SPEAKS:
The Cellular Telecommunications & Internet Association, a Washington-based trade group, downplayed the findings, saying the distractions associated with mobile phones are no different from those encountered by drivers who eat or talk with passengers as they drive.
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH
CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!!!
And DR. EVIL, now disguised as a CELL-PHONE LOBBYIST, SPEAKS:
The Cellular Telecommunications & Internet Association, a Washington-based trade group, downplayed the findings, saying the distractions associated with mobile phones are no different from those encountered by drivers who eat or talk with passengers as they drive.
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH
CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!!!
I stopped consulting THE GLIBERAL a while ago -- I can make up his lines in my sleep -- but even a man NRO acclaims as America's worst columnist can come up with a truth, though it be for him like searching the proverbial haystack for the needle. To wit:
At Time, Norman Pearlstine… described his decision to turn over Matt Cooper's files to the feds as his own, made on the merits and without consulting any higher-ups at Time Warner. That's no doubt the truth, but a corporate mentality needn't be imposed by direct fiat; it's a virus that metastasizes in the bureaucratic bloodstream. I doubt anyone at Time Warner ever orders an editor to promote a schlocky Warner Brothers movie either. (Entertainment Weekly did two covers in one month on "The Matrix Reloaded.")
Of COURSE the NRO man must consider GLIB's "Bush hatred" worse; but organization-man thinking has gotten the NEWS BIZ in nothing but trouble, and it allows MANY things to metastasize.
At Time, Norman Pearlstine… described his decision to turn over Matt Cooper's files to the feds as his own, made on the merits and without consulting any higher-ups at Time Warner. That's no doubt the truth, but a corporate mentality needn't be imposed by direct fiat; it's a virus that metastasizes in the bureaucratic bloodstream. I doubt anyone at Time Warner ever orders an editor to promote a schlocky Warner Brothers movie either. (Entertainment Weekly did two covers in one month on "The Matrix Reloaded.")
Of COURSE the NRO man must consider GLIB's "Bush hatred" worse; but organization-man thinking has gotten the NEWS BIZ in nothing but trouble, and it allows MANY things to metastasize.
Several days after having a fierce chuckle with DR. EVIL at a high-powered confab -- at our expense, no doubt -- Dave Geffen confides:
"The live-action film business is not a great business," Geffen complained. "If you aren't a back-end user - if you don't own HBO or TNT or something like that - it's very, very hard to rationalize the expense of making a movie. More than half the movies made - considerably more - lose money."...
"Today, the animation company has a market cap of over $4 billion and the whole company has a market cap of well over $5 billion. [Wall Street seems to have taken care of some of THAT. --ED.] The animation business is infinitely more profitable than the live-action business. [Growth] has to come in animation."
So what the heck is Geffen doing in live action anyway?
"Hoping to have a hit," he said. "It's very expensive to make movies. And if you make a mistake, you lose a lot of money."
Tell that to your SHAREHOLDERS.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Somebody celebrated a birthday before 18,000 at Hollywood Bowl. The invited guests are enough to make you wish God had not invented candles: Elaine Stritch, Angela Lansbury, Len Cariou, Bernadette Peters, Barbara Cook, not to mention a bunch of who-are-theys known principally to musical-comedy fans (or I should say "musical," as the birthday boy took the comedy out). Babs and Warren were there, and while they too summon up visions of SocSec they only make us yearn for duct tape. As for the birthday boy, possibly his MASTERWORKS will have long lives in Noo Yawk and LALALAND, where self-obsession is a local hobby, but we wouldn't want to bet on the vast mid-section that still yearns for actual music.
THE FUTURE OF KR: Turning its Philly tabloid into a matchmaker, just like the free "ALTERNATIVE" fishwrappings.
What the hell's the point of a newspaper if it doesn't run NEWS?
P. S. The girls are okay, I suppose, but don't tell mother.
What the hell's the point of a newspaper if it doesn't run NEWS?
P. S. The girls are okay, I suppose, but don't tell mother.
Awww, isn't that nice:
New Ford SUV hybrid being sold online
Mercury Mariner strategy includes sales help from Sierra Club
Who needs car dealers?
P. S. Who gets the employee discount?
New Ford SUV hybrid being sold online
Mercury Mariner strategy includes sales help from Sierra Club
Who needs car dealers?
P. S. Who gets the employee discount?
I am glad Yahoo! put that very cute and very charming singer Frances Langford on its home page, however briefly, as such people, memorable though they were, are increasingly difficult to remember in an age of [C]RAP and LUKE SPIELBERG.
NAACP leader scolds conservatives, needles Bush
Republicans have also attacked it as biased in favor of Democrats, an assertion the N.A.A.C.P., a nonprofit group, strongly denies.
US? BIASED?? NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
Republicans have also attacked it as biased in favor of Democrats, an assertion the N.A.A.C.P., a nonprofit group, strongly denies.
US? BIASED?? NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
NHL and Players' Association Hold Talks
SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
Fannie Mae, the top buyer and guarantor of home loans, is offering a new program that allows low- and middle-income buyers new ways of qualifying for loans. To help cover the cost of their monthly mortgage payments, applicants can use federal housing vouchers or rent they would receive from relatives or others living with them.
Do I hear REALTORS going BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!?
Do I hear REALTORS going BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!?
Specter Offers a Suggestion for Chief Justice: O'Connor
OMMMMM, thank you, thank you for that five-minute standing ovationnnnn....
PINCH has said it before, PINCH will say it again -- why can't ALL Republicans be like SENATOR O'SPECTER?
OMMMMM, thank you, thank you for that five-minute standing ovationnnnn....
PINCH has said it before, PINCH will say it again -- why can't ALL Republicans be like SENATOR O'SPECTER?
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Muslim charities -- aiding TERROR? Who ever heard of THAT?
In similar sentiments, Amir Taheri, an Al-Sharq Al Awsat columnist, criticized Muslims who equivocate over terrorist attacks.
Insinuations that they were provoked by Western actions such as the invasion of Iraq, he said, simply gave terrorists the impression that they had tacit support.
"Until we hear the voices of the Muslims condemning attacks of this kind with no words [of qualification] such as 'but' and 'if,' the suicide bombers and the murderers will have an excuse to think that they enjoy the support of all Muslims.
"The real battle against the enemy of mankind will begin when the 'silent majority' in the Islamic world makes its voice heard against the murderers, and against those who brainwash them, believe them, and fund them."
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!!!!!
In similar sentiments, Amir Taheri, an Al-Sharq Al Awsat columnist, criticized Muslims who equivocate over terrorist attacks.
Insinuations that they were provoked by Western actions such as the invasion of Iraq, he said, simply gave terrorists the impression that they had tacit support.
"Until we hear the voices of the Muslims condemning attacks of this kind with no words [of qualification] such as 'but' and 'if,' the suicide bombers and the murderers will have an excuse to think that they enjoy the support of all Muslims.
"The real battle against the enemy of mankind will begin when the 'silent majority' in the Islamic world makes its voice heard against the murderers, and against those who brainwash them, believe them, and fund them."
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!!!!!
Hope for DEMOCRACY in the ARAB WORLD:
The Palestinian Fatah movement Sunday suspended one of its members for writing and publishing an article criticizing the Fatah Central Committee.
The Palestinian Fatah movement Sunday suspended one of its members for writing and publishing an article criticizing the Fatah Central Committee.
Shhh, don't tell con-SER-va-tives, BUT:
U.S. Treasury Secretary John Snow said on Friday the U.S. budget deficit is shrinking faster than expected because of high tax revenues.
Deficit? What's a DEFICIT?
U.S. Treasury Secretary John Snow said on Friday the U.S. budget deficit is shrinking faster than expected because of high tax revenues.
Deficit? What's a DEFICIT?
SHUCKS, it appears THE STREAK ENDS AT 19. But there's always hope for a new one! (And of COURSE we count the SUNDAY figures even though hardly anyone's seen a movie yet.)
P. S. The dollar difference is about 2.5% -- meaning most likely THEY'RE STILL DOWN IN ATTENDANCE. Let's see the SHOW-BIZ TOADIES mention THAT!
P. S. The dollar difference is about 2.5% -- meaning most likely THEY'RE STILL DOWN IN ATTENDANCE. Let's see the SHOW-BIZ TOADIES mention THAT!
The latest wit from CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES:
Three strippers and two nightclub managers have been arrested for allegedly spanking a trucker at his 31st birthday bash and severely bruising his backside.
...and from PAPER OF RE-CORD.COM! What hath Adolph wrought?
Three strippers and two nightclub managers have been arrested for allegedly spanking a trucker at his 31st birthday bash and severely bruising his backside.
...and from PAPER OF RE-CORD.COM! What hath Adolph wrought?
At St. Pancras Parish Church, just steps from where one of the bombs cut apart a double-decker bus and killed 13 people, the Rev. Paul Hawkins spoke of the diversity of culture and faith in London.
"This will only make us more determined to live in peace and respect each other and we can all play our part in that," he said.
Just one problem, Rev. The scum that attacked your people would have NONE OF IT.
"This will only make us more determined to live in peace and respect each other and we can all play our part in that," he said.
Just one problem, Rev. The scum that attacked your people would have NONE OF IT.
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to a man who wants to market R MOVIES TO MINORS!
Another reason why THE PAPER OF RE-CORD is UNREFORMABLE: this TYPIST likens BAD SMUT to QUALITY.
Another reason why THE PAPER OF RE-CORD is UNREFORMABLE: this TYPIST likens BAD SMUT to QUALITY.
TWO BRILLIANT POINTS:
Should a temporary majority of 50.7 percent have control over the entire United States government? Should 49.3 percent of Americans have no influence over the nation's trajectory for the next generation?
WHIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!
The basic question Dionne ought to be asking, of course, is of a very different nature: Should five justices be free to invent “rights” that have no legitimate basis in the text or structure of the Constitution and to deprive 300 million Americans of their constitutional power to set policy on those invented rights?
WHIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!
WHEW! Weren't within a half-mile of each other.
Should a temporary majority of 50.7 percent have control over the entire United States government? Should 49.3 percent of Americans have no influence over the nation's trajectory for the next generation?
WHIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!
The basic question Dionne ought to be asking, of course, is of a very different nature: Should five justices be free to invent “rights” that have no legitimate basis in the text or structure of the Constitution and to deprive 300 million Americans of their constitutional power to set policy on those invented rights?
WHIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!
WHEW! Weren't within a half-mile of each other.
BATTLE OF THE LEAKED BRITISH DOCUMENTS: One says the US and the UK will withdraw half their forces from Iraq by mid-2006. Another says 10,000 young virile British Muslims have attended "extremist conferences," 3,000 got baptized by Elvis, and they're middle-class and well-trained.
Which document will it be, exalted PM?
Which document will it be, exalted PM?
"Bob Geldorf [SIC] and his cumbayah [double SIC] crowd of 'awareness' raisers" are nothing next to -- SEAN HANNITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! again proves the virtue of talking to yourself.
NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! again proves the virtue of talking to yourself.
GREAT COMEDY TEAMS: Weber and Fields, Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello...
PAKISTAN AND AFGHANISTAN.
PAKISTAN AND AFGHANISTAN.
A fine example of LOCAL PRIDE:
Of course, history is full of once-proud companies that lost their way. But at least for now, some historians and business leaders say Comcast should be counted among such former Philadelphia giants as the Pennsylvania Railroad and the Baldwin Locomotive Co.
What happened to THEM?
Of course, history is full of once-proud companies that lost their way. But at least for now, some historians and business leaders say Comcast should be counted among such former Philadelphia giants as the Pennsylvania Railroad and the Baldwin Locomotive Co.
What happened to THEM?
Well! We've finally managed to get rid of real people in Manhattan!
Hail the Lord God PINCH! Hail the Honorary Mayor of NEW YORK!
Hail the Lord God PINCH! Hail the Honorary Mayor of NEW YORK!