THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, March 27, 2004
And speaking of BLUNDER, for once I can say it's done something RIGHT (and no, not this drive-it-out-of-the-park softball interview with DR. EVIL): a multimedia show on Times Square with a Timesman named James Traub who's written a new book on the subject. The sound quality is poor but the pictures and narration are fascinating. (And it goes without saying, Times Square was better back in the old old days.) Please, more of this and less of CAMPAIGN LEAFLETS AND MOVIE TRAILERS, MR. MARK.
NEWSWEEK POLL: The 9-11 Commission
Following Clarke's Testimony at 9-11 Hearings, Approval of Bush's Handling of
Terrorism and Homeland Security Drops Eight Points to 57 Percent
Sixty-Five Percent Say Clarke's Testimony Hasn't Affected Their Opinion of
Bush; Fifty Percent Say Clarke's Motivations Personal, Political
Sixty-Five Percent Say Clinton Administration Did Not Take Global Terror
Threat Seriously Enough
Poor Mr. MARK must have been DIZZY this week.
Following Clarke's Testimony at 9-11 Hearings, Approval of Bush's Handling of
Terrorism and Homeland Security Drops Eight Points to 57 Percent
Sixty-Five Percent Say Clarke's Testimony Hasn't Affected Their Opinion of
Bush; Fifty Percent Say Clarke's Motivations Personal, Political
Sixty-Five Percent Say Clinton Administration Did Not Take Global Terror
Threat Seriously Enough
Poor Mr. MARK must have been DIZZY this week.
KERRY'S FBI FILES STOLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(From a private owner.)
This looks like a job for -- eBay!!!!!
(From a private owner.)
This looks like a job for -- eBay!!!!!
One more sign that, as Thoreau said, we're becoming "the tools of our tools" -- DVDs in the SUV.
In time people will not be satisified with the appendages. Bionic hallucinations are inevitable. Activate a circuit in one implant and a man will hear bad music in his head; activate another in another and he'll see a bad movie before his eyes. People will be able to play videogames bionically. I dread the future.
In time people will not be satisified with the appendages. Bionic hallucinations are inevitable. Activate a circuit in one implant and a man will hear bad music in his head; activate another in another and he'll see a bad movie before his eyes. People will be able to play videogames bionically. I dread the future.
Arab League Ministers Unable to Agree on Political Reforms
Translation: Arab tyrants refuse to put THEMSELVES out of business.
Translation: Arab tyrants refuse to put THEMSELVES out of business.
"It was like skimming hastily through a dozen magazines."
Of course Fitzgerald knew the magazines; he wrote for them. But Fitzgerald did write for magazines. Who writes for them now? BILL ZEHME? Their utter badness is another manifestation of our doggy-doo culture.
Of course Fitzgerald knew the magazines; he wrote for them. But Fitzgerald did write for magazines. Who writes for them now? BILL ZEHME? Their utter badness is another manifestation of our doggy-doo culture.
Imagine STERNO's worst nightmare comes true: his buddy HOWARD can't say so much as a gosh-darn. Suppose every P&GUnileverCoca-ColaKelloggNestleGMFordDaimler-supported shock jock couldn't utter bad adolescent dirty jokes about big bazooms and peepee. It would reveal them for what they are: no talents with nothing to say.
And because our movies and TV rely so heavily on Grand Guignol and soft-core porn, if they too were subject to regulations, they too would find themselves with nothing to say. For four decades, thanks to the Nine Fingers in the Wind and the IMMORTAL JACK, our entertainment impresarios have abandoned thinking for whatever is easy and cheap and vulgar. And now, four decades later, we're stuck with the inevitable result: a culture of mind-deadening stupidity. We have the Hitler chants of rap; holy slasher pictures; bubble-gum sluttery, two-hour cinematic eulogies to bad TV programs, every tawdry PR stunt imaginable. This is what happens when we abandon any pretense of excellence and thinking for the cheap effect, the easy thrill. Only the NEWS HACKS and the STERNOS (and let us not forget, before he became THE RAGE OF BLOGGING, STERNO too was a NEWS HACK) can find gold in the endless dross, given their trendiness and their cash-register-ringing sycophancy to the gods of media, and after Jayson we have no reason to accept them either.
There is one possible solution on the cable end. Though our tax -- uh, SUBSCRIBER dollars finance huge amounts of junk we never (or wouldn't want to) watch, while a la carte would be a customer boon summarily putting a big chunk of the biz out of biz might not be in our economic best interest, so much does the AMUSEMENT ECONOMY dominate us. Here's the deal: Congress will keep quiet on accepting a la carte, and in exchange, the cable industry accepts decency regulation. It's not the best of solutions, but if we're going to pay for lousy cable channels we may as well make sure there's a limit to HOW lousy.
And because our movies and TV rely so heavily on Grand Guignol and soft-core porn, if they too were subject to regulations, they too would find themselves with nothing to say. For four decades, thanks to the Nine Fingers in the Wind and the IMMORTAL JACK, our entertainment impresarios have abandoned thinking for whatever is easy and cheap and vulgar. And now, four decades later, we're stuck with the inevitable result: a culture of mind-deadening stupidity. We have the Hitler chants of rap; holy slasher pictures; bubble-gum sluttery, two-hour cinematic eulogies to bad TV programs, every tawdry PR stunt imaginable. This is what happens when we abandon any pretense of excellence and thinking for the cheap effect, the easy thrill. Only the NEWS HACKS and the STERNOS (and let us not forget, before he became THE RAGE OF BLOGGING, STERNO too was a NEWS HACK) can find gold in the endless dross, given their trendiness and their cash-register-ringing sycophancy to the gods of media, and after Jayson we have no reason to accept them either.
There is one possible solution on the cable end. Though our tax -- uh, SUBSCRIBER dollars finance huge amounts of junk we never (or wouldn't want to) watch, while a la carte would be a customer boon summarily putting a big chunk of the biz out of biz might not be in our economic best interest, so much does the AMUSEMENT ECONOMY dominate us. Here's the deal: Congress will keep quiet on accepting a la carte, and in exchange, the cable industry accepts decency regulation. It's not the best of solutions, but if we're going to pay for lousy cable channels we may as well make sure there's a limit to HOW lousy.
Here's the latest earth-shattering obsession of news hacks: Dubya's jokes.
By now there's an MO to this. Dip and Crybaby McAuliffe call up some pressure groups, who gather the appropriate veterans or 9-11 victims or whomever, who then call CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges and then cry OUTRAGE and get their campaigning on the front page. This is just another variation on NEWS HACKS rigging elections, and has NOTHING to do with declining circulations.
And of course Dubya made his jokes before one of those infernally smug Beltway ROASTS, where our elected officials are supposed to make asses of themselves. Oh how I pine for the solid man who WOULDN'T attend one of these.
By now there's an MO to this. Dip and Crybaby McAuliffe call up some pressure groups, who gather the appropriate veterans or 9-11 victims or whomever, who then call CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges and then cry OUTRAGE and get their campaigning on the front page. This is just another variation on NEWS HACKS rigging elections, and has NOTHING to do with declining circulations.
And of course Dubya made his jokes before one of those infernally smug Beltway ROASTS, where our elected officials are supposed to make asses of themselves. Oh how I pine for the solid man who WOULDN'T attend one of these.
When LALA put its arts coverage "behind the wall" it got rid of a pop-up ad. WELL GUESS WHAT! TRIB PUT THE AD BACK!!
MORONS!!!!!
MORONS!!!!!
I'm not sure declassifying RICHARD's prevarications is a good idea; it has the potential for future BLACKMAIL all over it. Nonetheless when you go through SIX PRINTINGS AND 550,000 COPIES thanks to VIACON....
Hey sombody at ESPN logged on to me! AWESOME, BABY!
Friday, March 26, 2004
Now it's sporting events. What will STERNO say about this DESTRUCTION of the FIRST AMENDMENT?
What he usually says, which isn't worth saying -- or reading.
What he usually says, which isn't worth saying -- or reading.
Burglar caught by homeowners using Webcam cross-country
Now we'll NEVER get those @#$%&* X-10 ads off our screens!
Now we'll NEVER get those @#$%&* X-10 ads off our screens!
Cute, CUTE, but the PowerPoint Gettysburg Address came FIRST. By the way, isn't PowerPoint supposed to DUMB DOWN PEOPLE, BILL?
OH oh, THE MAN is suing the TWXSTERS for FRAUD.
I guess so long as HE was selling records being palsy-walsies the TWXSTERS wasn't FRAUDULENT.
I guess so long as HE was selling records being palsy-walsies the TWXSTERS wasn't FRAUDULENT.
France arrests 3 bomb suspects
And we may assume their racial and ethnic identities will remain a media-state secret.
And we may assume their racial and ethnic identities will remain a media-state secret.
CHICKENS OF THE WORLD, UNITE!
"Bukbukbukbuk terrorists are going to find us facing them and that together we are going to win! bukbukbukbuk."
I wonder if this translation is accurate. Could he have meant the chickens and the terrorists will get together, and by forming an alliance they both win?
"Bukbukbukbuk terrorists are going to find us facing them and that together we are going to win! bukbukbukbuk."
I wonder if this translation is accurate. Could he have meant the chickens and the terrorists will get together, and by forming an alliance they both win?
News hacks find a new hero. Whether he has any base amongst the yayas in Iraq depends on how sedulously NEWS HACKS PROMOTE him.
Another eructation from the world's greatest deliberative news organization (WHY I OUGHTA....):
Spears Tops Magazine's Sexy Women List
"As always the list creates a great deal of controversy,'' FHM editor John Bastick said.
AS ALWAYS such lists create a great deal of FREE ADVERTISING, courtesy of CURLEY'S (NYUK! NYUK! NYUK!) STOOGES!!!!!
(Again, my deepest apologies to the great Curly, and his fans.)
Elsewhere in The Daily Clinton we admire "the fine-tuned ear for dialect and cant" in the great, great Florence King, whom I'd like to believe might have let loose some choice examples of Southern oratory about Brian's typing.
A few changes of words (and a few less DUMM comments about VCRs) and this guy would send Jack hitting the road -- to immortality. ("He has the brave, highly decorated World War II combat pilot experiences. He was actually there when JFK was shot....genuine achievements as the current movie rating system....blahblahblah." Hey Em! Did you take your nice pill when this piece of twaddle whizzed by your computer?)
HIT THE ROAD, BRIAN. You're just another GLIBERTARIAN.
HIT THE ROAD, BRIAN. You're just another GLIBERTARIAN.
DIP wants to CUT CORPORATE TAXES?
Whose will he raise?
Kerry overrode the objections of some advisers who opposed the corporate tax cut on political grounds.
Sounds like CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES are CAMPAIGNING again!
Whose will he raise?
Kerry overrode the objections of some advisers who opposed the corporate tax cut on political grounds.
Sounds like CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES are CAMPAIGNING again!
The bad news is, THE FORCES OF EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL passed another law restricting abortions. The good news is a bunch of scientists decided off the top of its eggheads abortion doesn't cause cancer. JUSTICE AND RIGHT SHALL PREVAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, March 25, 2004
G, PG clean up at the box office
And so does uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... (Of COURSE THIS hackette doesn't mention THAT rating.)
Another Fine Ideological Pretzel of Conservatism from the MOONIES!
And so does uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... (Of COURSE THIS hackette doesn't mention THAT rating.)
Another Fine Ideological Pretzel of Conservatism from the MOONIES!
50 alleged terrorists killed in Pakistani offensive
Which means about 3600 Helen Thomases are at this moment VERY busy.
Which means about 3600 Helen Thomases are at this moment VERY busy.
Even 958 "homeless" people in a city like Chicago is too many, but Chicago probably couldn't do anything about it if it wanted to, because BAGMEN HAVE FIRST-AMENDMENT RIGHTS, bequeathed by hermetically-sealed academics and luxury news hacks who live in the suburbs so they won't have to see FIRST-AMENDMENT RIGHTS IN ACTION.
You need 716 WORDS to say CLARKE SPUN?
It's times like these when I get discouraged, that I think perhaps I have nothing to say, that I get mad that I can't get more than three hits a day. What can I do? Oh well, keep going, I guess.
It's times like these when I get discouraged, that I think perhaps I have nothing to say, that I get mad that I can't get more than three hits a day. What can I do? Oh well, keep going, I guess.
I've a hunch second-thoughts are multiplying in the con-SER-vative community about the job it did selling P. R. MEL's slasher pic. The idiot Rev. Novaks and Monsignor Lapins would never admit to shame -- they're too good for that, or for us, and it's certainly hard to imagine it in a Catholic priest these days -- but these guys sold quite an expensive indulgence, in several senses.
The MORONS at The TRIB have a new TRICK: in order to go to another SITE you have to SIT THROUGH a @#$%&* HONDA AD -- and if you click on CLOSE you merely go back to the Trib site -- so the only way to escape the ad is by CLOSING THE BROWSER WINDOW!! IDIOTS!!!!!
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
A eulogy from Mickey Kaus:
In private, [the movie studios] do not always treat Valenti kindly, or with the reverence with which he is treated by Washington politicians and hack reporters, or even with much respect at all.
Why can't somebody somewhere zing this guy and all he's done to our culture?
In private, [the movie studios] do not always treat Valenti kindly, or with the reverence with which he is treated by Washington politicians and hack reporters, or even with much respect at all.
Why can't somebody somewhere zing this guy and all he's done to our culture?
When MickeyMouse Nixon goes, SO GOES RONETTE ZIEGLER.
"Politics is hand-to-hand combat on a daily basis," said Gary Sheffer, head of corporate communications at General Electric Co. and a fan of Mucha since he served on her staff in Albany. "It's a much more polite exchange in business. You're talking to shareholders. You're talking to people who invested in your business."
The public AND the shareholders be damned!
"Politics is hand-to-hand combat on a daily basis," said Gary Sheffer, head of corporate communications at General Electric Co. and a fan of Mucha since he served on her staff in Albany. "It's a much more polite exchange in business. You're talking to shareholders. You're talking to people who invested in your business."
The public AND the shareholders be damned!
Which name should come first in the 9-11 blame game headlines: Bush or Clinton?
I think we can guess.
I think we can guess.
Cliches: They are like really annoying, 24/7
More makework in the magical land of filler between newspaper ads.
Hey Reut, I'd rather hear your own cliches -- like "GUERILLAS."
More makework in the magical land of filler between newspaper ads.
Hey Reut, I'd rather hear your own cliches -- like "GUERILLAS."
Does Little Jeffrey's arthritic transparent violinist get on your nerves?
Here is why I can't stand pop-up (or pop-under) ads: they make bad connections WORSE.
My guess is a survey of S&M buffs would find the same thing. And aside from being one step above statistical junk, this self-selecting "poll" also tells me that auto exhausts can smell pretty good if that's all you want to breathe in.
And thanks to something called fmqb.com for ripping this directly from a press release.
AND SPEAKING THEREOF:
Edison Media Research conducts survey research and provides strategic information to radio stations, television stations, newspapers, cable networks, record labels, Internet companies and other media organizations. Edison Media Research works with many of the largest American radio groups, including Entercom, ABC Radio, Infinity, Bonneville Radio One, and Westwood One, and also conducts strategic and perceptual research for a broad array of companies including AOL/Time Warner, Yahoo!, Sony Music, Princeton University, Northwestern University, Universal Music Group, Time-Life Music and the Voice of America. Edison Media Research also conducts research for successful radio stations in South America, Africa, Asia, Canada and Europe.
Edison Media Research designed and operated the CNN RealVote election projection system in 2002, and currently conducts all exit polls and election projections for the six major news organizations: ABC, CBS, CNN, Fox, NBC and the Associated Press.
OHHHHHHHHHH-ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
And speaking of disinterested:
Jacobs Media is the largest radio consulting firm in the United States specializing in Rock formats. The company, formed in 1983 by Fred Jacobs, created the Classic Rock format, and has been a leading force in Alternative Rock, along with other Rock-based formats. Currently, Jacobs Media services are used by nearly every major broadcasting company, including Infinity, Entercom, Emmis, ABC, Cox, Saga, Citadel, Journal, Susquehanna, and others. Jacobs Media has also provided consulting services for The Corporation For Public Broadcasting, and select Public Radio stations.
DID YOU HELP CONSULT BOB EDWARDS OUT OF A JOB?
The whole world's run by VALENTIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And thanks to something called fmqb.com for ripping this directly from a press release.
AND SPEAKING THEREOF:
Edison Media Research conducts survey research and provides strategic information to radio stations, television stations, newspapers, cable networks, record labels, Internet companies and other media organizations. Edison Media Research works with many of the largest American radio groups, including Entercom, ABC Radio, Infinity, Bonneville Radio One, and Westwood One, and also conducts strategic and perceptual research for a broad array of companies including AOL/Time Warner, Yahoo!, Sony Music, Princeton University, Northwestern University, Universal Music Group, Time-Life Music and the Voice of America. Edison Media Research also conducts research for successful radio stations in South America, Africa, Asia, Canada and Europe.
Edison Media Research designed and operated the CNN RealVote election projection system in 2002, and currently conducts all exit polls and election projections for the six major news organizations: ABC, CBS, CNN, Fox, NBC and the Associated Press.
OHHHHHHHHHH-ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
And speaking of disinterested:
Jacobs Media is the largest radio consulting firm in the United States specializing in Rock formats. The company, formed in 1983 by Fred Jacobs, created the Classic Rock format, and has been a leading force in Alternative Rock, along with other Rock-based formats. Currently, Jacobs Media services are used by nearly every major broadcasting company, including Infinity, Entercom, Emmis, ABC, Cox, Saga, Citadel, Journal, Susquehanna, and others. Jacobs Media has also provided consulting services for The Corporation For Public Broadcasting, and select Public Radio stations.
DID YOU HELP CONSULT BOB EDWARDS OUT OF A JOB?
The whole world's run by VALENTIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One! Two! One! Two!
We not only fought but we won, too!
Left! Right! Left! Right!
There's none of the enemy left, right?
Left! Right! Right! Leftrightright....
HALT!!!!!
We not only fought but we won, too!
Left! Right! Left! Right!
There's none of the enemy left, right?
Left! Right! Right! Leftrightright....
HALT!!!!!
Another WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS enterprise, no doubt.
In D. C., you're not a man -- PERSON -- until you've HOODWINKED THE PEOPLE!
In D. C., you're not a man -- PERSON -- until you've HOODWINKED THE PEOPLE!
Here's proof "diversity" of information on the Web may not be all it's cracked up to be: enter a topic in Google News and you may get 200 or 300 hits -- most the same AP story.
For all of PROF's and STERNO's brave talk of democracy, it's hard to see the good in 200 or 300 iterations of the same story. As to THE FUTURE, if our kids can't read, how can we expect them to create decent Web sites, whatever their surface technical skills? (And they don't, judging from the comment about "me-me-me sites," which translated means, "Oh you know I met Dave and he's oh you know he's like so thoroughly gross," etc., etc., ETC.)
For all of PROF's and STERNO's brave talk of democracy, it's hard to see the good in 200 or 300 iterations of the same story. As to THE FUTURE, if our kids can't read, how can we expect them to create decent Web sites, whatever their surface technical skills? (And they don't, judging from the comment about "me-me-me sites," which translated means, "Oh you know I met Dave and he's oh you know he's like so thoroughly gross," etc., etc., ETC.)
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
Hey hard-core conservatives! Your friend Tony's recusing himself from the "under God" case! What'll you do if the remaining Eight Fingers pull a PROFILE IN COURAGE?
That radio commentator who was fired for using a naughty word -- ONE naughty word -- has found work at another station. GENERAL JR. and LOWSY go after such picky-picky cases instead of the drive-time PROFIT CENTERS of SLEAZE because it feels better.
And in his farewell impolite stench to the popcorn restaurant trade, Dr. Evil says movie production costs are going up -- and marketing costs are going way WAY up, which proves the movie industry doesn't make movies anymore.
The stupid Triple-As, a nationwide tow-truck firm whose Philly chapter is absconding to Delaware to get zillions in tax breaks, organizes a membership drive to pay for more such extortion by screaming that GAS PRICES HAVE HIT AN ALL-TIME RECORD!!!!!!!!! Sighhhhhhhhh, gas prices are like movie grosses -- news hacks are too lazy to adjust them for inflation. By that measure, gas is still much cheaper than it was at the height of OPEC's oil shenanigans three decades ago.
Philips Electronics goes PC!
Being decent shouldn't have to be PC, but you figure every company with a "diversity" page on its Web site already is, and of course Philips is EUROPEAN, plus the true mark of PC is the amount of junk a company finances on TV -- and Philips no doubt passes that test with flying color TVs.
Being decent shouldn't have to be PC, but you figure every company with a "diversity" page on its Web site already is, and of course Philips is EUROPEAN, plus the true mark of PC is the amount of junk a company finances on TV -- and Philips no doubt passes that test with flying color TVs.
Hmmm...looks like EL POLLO LOCO wants to prove he's not so POLLO -- in AFGHANISTAN!
You're still taking the troops out of Iraq because you're CHICKEN -- as in PERDUE, LOCO.
I suspect this is largely for U. S. CONSUMPTION, as if chicken will taste better that way.
You're still taking the troops out of Iraq because you're CHICKEN -- as in PERDUE, LOCO.
I suspect this is largely for U. S. CONSUMPTION, as if chicken will taste better that way.
Here's a weird one: Hamas, which just lost its SPIRITUAL LEADER, "secretly" elected a new boss.
Wait! Elections? Isn't that a WESTERN concept? You should have had a HOLY SHOOTOUT!
Wait! Elections? Isn't that a WESTERN concept? You should have had a HOLY SHOOTOUT!
Does the outgoing Dr. Evil have Dippity's dermatologist? That forehead is as smooth as his movies are rotten.
Our regular Medicare scare.
It's been going broke since 1965. A healthy dose of meds should do the trick.
It's been going broke since 1965. A healthy dose of meds should do the trick.
How many parents use the dreaded V-Chip?
If our Congresspoops have any backbone this will be a non-starter.
If our Congresspoops have any backbone this will be a non-starter.
In what must be a typical evasion today our local KnightRidder broadsheet monopoly prints opposing commentaries on ol' SPIRITUAL LEADER'S demise on the same page. This is the classic NEWS HACK WAFFLE. Either run a strong statement one way or the other, and print the opposing commentaries, or don't bother period. More than annoying, such a practice is exceedingly puzzling; after all, most newspapers run opinion pieces in the news section.
Here's an irksome puff piece about some GENIUS who's doubled his label's share in a declining record biz, rather like the market share of a Russian sub after a few boats have sunk.
Somehow I don't think those no-talents whanging away in Capitol's Studio A are making the same music as Ol' Blue.
Somehow I don't think those no-talents whanging away in Capitol's Studio A are making the same music as Ol' Blue.
You can look at the bright side, if there is any: the same whizzes who brought engineering excellence to the Russian navy brought it to Osama's gang, but I wouldn't be too content.
Monday, March 22, 2004
First Johnny Car -- PROF goes on vacation, now ANDY. Next lgf, then STERNO? What IS with the big names?
I’m not prepared to judge and say the quality of journalism has gone to hell in a handbasket.
No Jim, it's gone to hell in a chauffeur-driven Rolls.
No Jim, it's gone to hell in a chauffeur-driven Rolls.
If leftists can say BUSH=HITLER, I can think I can say, with a lot more certainty (and knowing many European leftists are surely among its fans):
SOCCER=RIOTS.
SOCCER=RIOTS.
Experimentation continues, and that costs money, too. Some formats have come and gone -- such as XM's all-news and Mandarin Chinese channels, and one called Special X that specialized in bizarre themes like "worst Christmas songs," "cheesiest love songs" and "German dentist office music."
So why do I have this vague notion satellite radio will become nothing more than CHEAP CHANNEL FOR PAY?
So why do I have this vague notion satellite radio will become nothing more than CHEAP CHANNEL FOR PAY?
Bush camp: Kerry plans would cost $1 trillion
And what about your plans -- spending zillions on Der Homeland? FREE DRUGS FOR SENIORS? How much will THAT cost?
We're not gonna win the election THAT way, Dubya.
And what about your plans -- spending zillions on Der Homeland? FREE DRUGS FOR SENIORS? How much will THAT cost?
We're not gonna win the election THAT way, Dubya.
Richard Clarke blames the Bush administration for September 11, but what does he think about President Clinton?
I think we can guess.
I think we can guess.
The biggest story of the day and Johnny Car -- THE PROFESSOR still hasn't weighed in on it. Why do you think you get ten billion hits a millisecond, PROF?
How comforting: antidepressants may lead to suicide.
So this is what all the big bucks go for, RIGHT, GlaxoSmithKline?
So this is what all the big bucks go for, RIGHT, GlaxoSmithKline?
David Brudnoy -- let's be honest -- does not look well, but we must consider he's been through AIDS, and now cancer, and has somehow survived, and prospered. Keep it going, Mr. Brudnoy.
Hamas targets U.S. for revenge hit
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!! I'M SCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARED!!!!!
Count on Mortimer Zuck's hacks to put this in a bigger than normal font.
I'm not scared of terrorists; we'll take care of them. What bothers me is the International Movement for Appeasement and Slavery: the intellectual-industrial complex would sue for peace; the world foreign policy establishment would sue for peace; all of Western Europe would sue for peace; the international leftist movement would sue for peace. A big chunk of the world stands ready for appeasement and slavery. This year's $64,000 question is, is Dippity-Do!? I'm not crazy about Dubya's vacillation and secrecy mania; but would Dip take the easy road out and cry Uncle Sam? Or would he flex and muscles and do something awful to atone for his party's sins? Can we afford to find out?
And that bastion of rock-brained conservatism, Wall Street, which usually sends a stock soaring when the company's founder dies, did not exactly acquit itself with glory today.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!! I'M SCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARED!!!!!
Count on Mortimer Zuck's hacks to put this in a bigger than normal font.
I'm not scared of terrorists; we'll take care of them. What bothers me is the International Movement for Appeasement and Slavery: the intellectual-industrial complex would sue for peace; the world foreign policy establishment would sue for peace; all of Western Europe would sue for peace; the international leftist movement would sue for peace. A big chunk of the world stands ready for appeasement and slavery. This year's $64,000 question is, is Dippity-Do!? I'm not crazy about Dubya's vacillation and secrecy mania; but would Dip take the easy road out and cry Uncle Sam? Or would he flex and muscles and do something awful to atone for his party's sins? Can we afford to find out?
And that bastion of rock-brained conservatism, Wall Street, which usually sends a stock soaring when the company's founder dies, did not exactly acquit itself with glory today.
Now ya done it! YA KILLED A SPIRITUAL LEADER!
News hacks, League of Nations drones and Foggy Bottom fog machines worldwide tremble under their desks.
News hacks, League of Nations drones and Foggy Bottom fog machines worldwide tremble under their desks.
Sunday, March 21, 2004
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL REPUBLICAN BUSINESSMEN ARE STEALTHILY TRYING TO GET THEIR WORKERS TO VOTE THEIR WAY WITH VOTER REGISTRATION CAMPAIGNS.
SUMNER uses MTV to organize Democratic votes, and you NEWS HACKS think it's the best thing since Jeff drafted the Declaration. But when the GOP does the same thing it's WATERGATE. That's one reason names like Jayson will stink up your biz for a LONG TIME.
SUMNER uses MTV to organize Democratic votes, and you NEWS HACKS think it's the best thing since Jeff drafted the Declaration. But when the GOP does the same thing it's WATERGATE. That's one reason names like Jayson will stink up your biz for a LONG TIME.
Hey International S.T.A.L.I.N.I.S.T.S.! I've got a new one for you! BUSH=TALIBAN!!!!!
Gliberal, you'd better see a doctor. This business of you imitating strokes in the mirror to get inspired is going to hurt you someday.
(And the sad thing is Gliberal vaguely senses the claptrap on both sides: knee-jerk conservatives aghast over breasts won't touch MEL's slasher film [or SOUTH...oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii], and the STERNOS huff over MEL but scream about their hero being denied his FIRST-AMENDMENT RIGHTS. Hypocrisy and political tone-deafness know no bounds in this dispute; but because Gliberal is intent on making himself physically ill writing his columns, much as Orwell did writing 1984, he buries whatever's left of his common sense under a mountain of cracked pottery.)
Gliberal, you'd better see a doctor. This business of you imitating strokes in the mirror to get inspired is going to hurt you someday.
(And the sad thing is Gliberal vaguely senses the claptrap on both sides: knee-jerk conservatives aghast over breasts won't touch MEL's slasher film [or SOUTH...oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii], and the STERNOS huff over MEL but scream about their hero being denied his FIRST-AMENDMENT RIGHTS. Hypocrisy and political tone-deafness know no bounds in this dispute; but because Gliberal is intent on making himself physically ill writing his columns, much as Orwell did writing 1984, he buries whatever's left of his common sense under a mountain of cracked pottery.)
In France, what is the difference between "leftists" and "conservatives"?
I guess it depends on how you like your CHICKEN.
I guess it depends on how you like your CHICKEN.
Kerry, who has been a member of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee since the day he joined the Senate, has more experience in foreign policy than any challenger to the incumbent party since former vice president Richard Nixon in 1969.... [Emphasis added.]
This is a VIRTUE, St. Warren?
This is a VIRTUE, St. Warren?
In the growing farce that is the GE Bancorp Boring Niche Sports and Sappy Featurettes Orgy, the Greeks have now announced they're not building a roof over the swimming venue, meaning it's gonna be a scorcher.
Despite this, THE GAMES WILL CONTINUE, because Little Jeffrey will scream and cry if he can't take his extended vacations in the luxury boxes.
Hey Jeffy! WHY NOT SEND IN SOME SIX SIGMA GUYS TO HELP 'EM FINISH THE JOB?
Despite this, THE GAMES WILL CONTINUE, because Little Jeffrey will scream and cry if he can't take his extended vacations in the luxury boxes.
Hey Jeffy! WHY NOT SEND IN SOME SIX SIGMA GUYS TO HELP 'EM FINISH THE JOB?
Public revulsion against the proliferation of broadcast vulgarity, indecency and obscenity runs deep.
So what does Trib Company (owner of WGN, a stake in The WB, etc., etc., etc.,) propose? Essentially that old canard about rape: lie back and enjoy it. Sorry, the FCC's incompetence and incoherence does not justify your industry's pandering. (And because I do not distinguish between the news biz and show-biz, it's YOUR biz.)
So what does Trib Company (owner of WGN, a stake in The WB, etc., etc., etc.,) propose? Essentially that old canard about rape: lie back and enjoy it. Sorry, the FCC's incompetence and incoherence does not justify your industry's pandering. (And because I do not distinguish between the news biz and show-biz, it's YOUR biz.)
When NEWS HACKS talk about BEEEEEEEEEEEEE-O, we can be sure they don't know what they're talking about just from Box Office Mojo's All-Time Top 100 list. Of the 100, only three are before THE AGE OF JACK, which means the other 97 are inflated by inflation, showing the movie in 10,000 theaters, and just plain statistical legerdemain. In short, statistics can be lies and damned lies too.
And in MORE Arab news (the last of the day):
The Palestinian Mother Wishes to Receive Her Son as a Corpse, but Not Butchered
That would seem difficult when the Palestinian son wishes to blow himself up into 5 million pieces.
The Palestinian Mother Wishes to Receive Her Son as a Corpse, but Not Butchered
That would seem difficult when the Palestinian son wishes to blow himself up into 5 million pieces.
Speaking of the Saudis, TIME TO GET OUT WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS AGAIN! SEEMS WE SAUDIS LUUUUUUUUUUUVE JEWS!
OR:
“IT IS ALL PART OF A SMEAR CAMPAIGN MEANT TO TARNISH SAUDI ARABIA’S IMAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Buddy, you don't need any help on that.
OR:
“IT IS ALL PART OF A SMEAR CAMPAIGN MEANT TO TARNISH SAUDI ARABIA’S IMAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Buddy, you don't need any help on that.
"I still find it hard to believe," a Spanish law enforcement official said. "In some of these countries that are logistical bases — Germany, France — you see extremists who don't have roots, who are lumpen. Angry at the society. Many of our suspects have businesses, Spanish wives, kids in school. They speak Spanish impeccably, without an accent. They are very polite, cultured. In interrogations, even the ones who don't have formal education are polite and well-spoken."
The SAUDIS' chief contribution to mankind was to make sure COCKROACHES came in all shapes, sizes, educations, and incomes.
The SAUDIS' chief contribution to mankind was to make sure COCKROACHES came in all shapes, sizes, educations, and incomes.
HAS ST. WARREN OF BUFFETT POSITIONED HIMSELF FOR A STAKE IN THE IPO?
No, the guy never did much like high-tech.
No, the guy never did much like high-tech.