Posted 8:34 PM by Gene

Look who's demanding GOVERNMENT ACTION -- in ENGLAND:

The increasing dominance of Tesco in Britain needs to be probed by the government, Lee Scott, president and chief executive of Wal-Mart has declared.

Figures published last week by TNS, the market-research company, showed that under Sir Terry Leahy Tesco’s share of the food market had increased to a record 30.5% over the past three months.

In an interview with The Sunday Times, Scott, who owns Asda in Britain, said that it was time for the government to act.

"As you get over 30% and higher I am sure there is a point where government is compelled to intervene, particularly in the UK, where you have the planning laws that make it difficult to compete," said Scott.

"At some point the government has to look at it," he added.

I thought you oligopolists -- er, RETAILERS stood for FREE ENTERPRISE, whatever that is.

Posted 8:19 PM by Gene

The code word of the week is DIVIDED. If we can spin that the parents of Iraq war dead are as split down the middle as the 7 and 10 pins in bowling, then we can negate both sides to the benefit of our own propagandizing. These idiots REFUSE to admit that St. Cindy thinks we're fighting this war for ISRAEL and JOOOOOOOOOOOOS -- because there IS NO CONTRADICTING THE LORD GOD PINCH.

Posted 4:30 PM by Gene

See liberals, the problem with SUING FOR YOUR RIGHTS IS eventually -- you get THE OTHER SIDE to do it.

So remember, when "crackpots" try to push creationism, remember, YOUR CRACKPOTS DID IT FIRST.

Posted 4:22 PM by Gene

Hmmm...and speaking of the STOOGES, a...MILITANT group has released a video press kit to -- no, you'll never guess.

JERNALISM IS PR WITH A DIFFERENT NAME.

Posted 4:07 PM by Gene

To CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES, the comedians who just put out a FAQ on Iraq, I must ask -- what was the point of THIS comedy? It's a double-joke -- a plug for NASCAR and a plug for our favorite moviemaker. How much time and salary and expense accounts are wasted excreting these worthless press releases? What is the point of a wire service when it does JUNK like this?

Reading this totally useless conglomeration of vowels and consonants I think, a FAQ isn't ENOUGH for YOU folks.

And another disadvantage of the Web for CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES is that their by-lines DON'T REMAIN ANONYMOUS. A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO JENNA FRYER.

Posted 10:14 AM by Gene

Another stirring moment for Bowel Movements, Inc.:

U.S. performing rights organization BMI saluted the premier r&b, rap and hip-hop songwriters, producers and publishers at its 2005 BMI Urban Awards, staged tonight in the Grand Ballroom of the Fontainebleau Resort in Miami Beach.

Lil Jon and R. Kelly were named Songwriters of the Year, each receiving four "most performed song" awards. "Yeah!," written by Sean Garrett, Lil Jon and Patrick "j.Que" Smith, was named Song of the Year, Kanye West received Producer of the Year honors, and EMI Music Publishing was awarded the BMI Crystal for Urban Publisher of the Year. The first Urban Ringtone Award went to Lil Jon and Craig D. Love for "Freek-A-Leek." A highlight of the gala was a tribute to urban funk legends Charlie Wilson and The GAP Band, who were named BMI Icons for their "enduring influence on generations of music makers."

The ceremony was hosted by BMI President & CEO Del Bryant and Vice President, Writer/Publisher Relations Catherine Brewton, who presented awards to the 70 songwriters of the 35 most performed songs of 2004 in the urban music format.

Lil Jon, who was honored with three major BMI awards -- Songwriter of the Year, Song of the Year and Urban Ringtone of the Year -- was also named one of BMI's top songwriter/producers of the year. Lil Jon was also named Songwriter of the Year at BMI's Pop Awards held in May, marking the first time that a songwriter earned both Pop and Urban Songwriter of the Year honors in the same year.

R. Kelly received his second BMI Crystal as Urban Songwriter of the Year (he also won in 2002) with four songs on the most-performed list -- "Gigolo," "Hotel," "Step In The Name of Love" and "Thoia Thoing" -- and was also named one of BMI's top songwriter/producers. His latest CD, TP.3 Reloaded, debuted at #1 on the Billboard Top 200 the week of its release, instantly becoming his fifth #1 album.

"Yeah!," recorded by Usher featuring Ludacris and Lil Jon, was named Urban Song of the Year for tallying the most U.S. broadcast performances in 2004. The #1 Billboard Hot R&B/Hip-Hop song earned awards for songwriters Sean Garrett, Lil Jon and Patrick "j.Que" Smith, and music publishers Christopher Matthew Music, Hitco Music and White Rhino Music, Inc.

BMI Producer of the Year honors went to Kanye West for logging the most producer credits on charting songs. The BMI Top Urban Producers list also included Cool & Dre, Eminem, Fat Joe, Jazze Pha, R. Kelly, John Legend, Lil Jon, Mannie Fresh and The Neptunes (Pharrell Williams & Chad Hugo).

On the list of BMI's 35 most-performed urban songs, four songwriters contributed three songs each: Eminem, Sean Garrett, Kanye West and Pharrell Williams.

EMI Music Publishing was named BMI Urban Publisher of the Year by accumulating the highest percentage of copyright ownership in award songs. Big Jon Platt, Executive Vice President, Urban Music, U.S., accepted on behalf of the publisher.

The evening culminated with The GAP Band being honored as BMI Icons. Four of the band's nine albums were certified Platinum plus (The GAP Band II, The GAP Band III, The GAP Band IV and GAP Band V - Jammin') and featured 15 Top Ten and four #1 r&b hits, including "You Dropped a Bomb On Me," "Party Train," "Burn Rubber," "Outstanding," "Oops Upside Your Head," "Early in the Morning," and the smooth love song, "Yearning for Your Love." "Outstanding" alone remains one of the most sampled songs in history and has, astonishingly, been used by over 150 artists.

In addition to the BMI performance awards, music trade magazine Billboard recognized the BMI-affiliated writers who had #1 songs on the R&B/Hip-Hop Songs, Hot Rap Tracks, Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Airplay and Hot 100 charts during the past year.

Now marking its 65th year in business, BMI is an American performing rights organization that represents more than 300,000 songwriters, composers and publishers in all genres of music. With a repertoire of more than 6.5 million musical works from around the world, the non-profit-making corporation collects license fees from businesses that use music, which it then distributes as royalties to the musical creators and copyright owners it represents.

For a complete list of 2005 BMI Urban Awards winners, please visit bmi.com/urban.

Somebody MUST keep these interns away from computers! They spread disease.

Posted 10:01 AM by Gene

We have not honored our own injunction to follow the marvelous world of the indentured-sports-servitude police blotter, so rather belatedly we learn that a member of Baylor's champion women's hoops squad (who knew) was arrested for possessing pot and some cute driving, and an Oklahoma State fullback was arrested on first-degree burglary!

This should be a wonderful year in professional college sport!

P. S. at 4:30 P.M.: Here's another one: a Kansas fullback "charged with assault"!

Yes, this promises to be a RICH year!

Posted 9:40 AM by Gene

In the fruit-and-nut state, the AG is suing to stop fast-food, ostensibly because its purveyors violated a law regarding some supposed carcinogen. If this AG had had GUTS (and we rather don't expect it of pols) he would have sued the companies for being the FAST FOOD BIZ, the ultimate goal of certain liberals. Now the con-SER-va-tives will make a cause of this, and both these INFERNAL sides will have made EATING POLITICAL.

Posted 9:37 AM by Gene

Crawford hasn't seen this big a crowd since the scathing documentary Fahrenheit 9/11 was shown last summer on a screen at the football field, drawing about 3,000 people. The screening was organized by the Crawford Peace House, which also is helping Sheehan. Earlier that night, more than 300 Bush supporters held a rally to counter the showing of the film.

We know where that went, and we know where this will go, but in the meantime news hacks have nothing to do but play with themselves.

Posted 1:57 PM by Gene

Hmmm....

C.I.A. Report Said to Fault Pre-9/11 Leadership

I guess that means THE INCOMPETENT MR. TENET was "responsible." But what about Mr. Goss? There's something to be said for not serving on an INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE.

Posted 11:43 AM by Gene

G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER!!!!! WHY DID YOU TURN OFF THE NEXT BLOG BUTTON ON ME?

Posted 11:21 AM by Gene

The next time the HACKS consider their IMMORTALITY, they should conjure this:

Samir Husni, chair of the journalism department of the University of Mississippi, and popularly known through the trade as "Mr. Magazine," says, "If we go back historically to the 1920s and ‘30s, there were some magazine editors who were better known than their publications — like Henry Luce at Time and Dewitt Wallace at Reader’s Digest. Tina Brown did recreate the importance of the 'star editor' to some degree. But that was really an East Coast and, to some extent, a West Coast phenomenon." The truth of that sentiment was demonstrated once, at the height of Tina’s popularity in the media, when the Magazine Publishers of America conducted man-in-the-street interviews asking people if they knew who Tina Brown was. Nobody did. But one did think she was the love child of Tina Turner and James Brown.

Posted 11:07 AM by Gene

The Wizard of Oz peeks from His control room warning of -- a HOUSING BUBBLE?

Didn't He help inflate it in the first place?

Posted 10:59 AM by Gene

"College athletics is about big-time entertainment, and college is about education."

With most big schools run by ESPNCORP we can challenge that second assertion.

Posted 10:45 AM by Gene

The HERO (NEVER say HEROINE; it's sexist) of NEWS HACKS everywhere sounds increasingly unhinged, which in the world of the HACKS means she's increasingly TRUTHFUL.

Or maybe she's just being BOASTFUL.

CAVEAT: This is WORLDNETDAILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, linked from a "blog" of FRONTPAGE MAGAZINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 8:05 AM by Gene

These Congressclowns forget they had a commission make these TOUGH DECISIONS because they wouldn't do it THEMSELVES.

Posted 6:04 PM by Gene

The next con-SER-va-tive cause celebre: Tennessee's state AG blasts a country singer for plugging [SIC] CHEWING TOBACCO.

They'll say, smokin' and drinkin' and CHAWIN' go with country music. I say oral cancer goes with chewing tobacco.

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

As Air Force cadets return to classes this month, they are seeing a new system for handling rape allegations — reforms put in place throughout the military in response to the sex scandal that rocked this prestigious school more than two years ago.

Isn't the Air Force Academy ALWAYS reforming?

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

The circus is moving to WASHINGTON -- and (can we doubt this) A DAY-LONG STANDING O!

It should be MUCH easier to file those CREDULOUS PLUG -- REPORTS.

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

GOODY!

The FBI and the Pentagon are investigating whether Chinese spies have been hacking into U.S. government computer systems, U.S. officials said Thursday.

If the Fumblers, Bumblers and Incompetents are looking it into it, think how much longer the Chinese have been DOING it.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

In news from a place somehow called the DESERT Southwest:

Arizona braces for water war

Hey BOOBS McKEATING! Here's something for your negotiating skills! Maybe you could get your running mate Sen. Hole-in-the-Bagel to help! Tell him he could win a NOBEL PEACE PRIZE! Think we can work ETHANOL into it?

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

What is the difference between FRINGE festivals and Internet TV?

Think hard. Think VERY hard.

Posted 4:51 PM by Gene

After flailing around for a TV outlet for their obsolete pageant, the Miss America people are now (not unexpectedly) flailing around for a site. Without TV some things would cease to exist, like zillion-dollar salaries for athuhletes, and while we would not wager this is the end of an institution, it got here through blithe disdain for its sugar daddies' slow decline, followed by trendy rejiggering and panic. Firing Bert Parks was strike one; launching the immortal entertainer Vanessa Williams was strike two. The bat is moving.

P. S. The P. T. Barnum of beauty pageants is kidding himself. Miss Universe (born after a swimwear maker's dispute with Miss America) broadcast out of Miami Beach for years before moving from venue to venue. That doesn't seem to have helped its ratings of late.

P. P. S. How do they rewrite THE SONG?

Posted 2:17 PM by Gene

We would have paid no mind that the OSCAR® people have a new boss, but for something he said:

"I think the motion picture business is safe and sound....Through it all, good films are there and will always have a presence."

Thus proclaimeth the producer of the upcoming [SIC] FILM version of I Dream of Jeannie.

Posted 2:10 PM by Gene

We understand why Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES put this LAST in their FAQ:

Q: Where do AP reporters get their information? Do they rely on just one side?

A: The AP's reporters reach out each day to a wide variety of officials and other sources -- including the U.S. military, the Iraqi national government, Iraqi local officials, officials at private hospitals, eyewitnesses and regular Iraqis.

Often, each side tells a different story -- for example, the U.S. military and Iraqi local police often release significantly different casualty counts after some type of violence or incident. The AP attempts to sift through the various, conflicting accounts to get the most-accurate facts.

The AP always includes both sides of the story. It never publishes any allegation against the U.S. military unless it first tries to obtain the military's side of the story. In 2003, for example, a claim by Iraqis in Fallujah that American soldiers had killed a civilian was investigated for more than a week by AP journalists. No story was ever written after exhaustive interviews uncovered holes in the claimants' story.

The AP does attempt to also get information from insurgents, or from their sympathizers -- for example, the AP sometimes describes insurgent propaganda posted at mosques. This is an important part of the story. It is impossible for Western readers to get a clear and complete idea of events in Iraq without knowing the insurgents' strategy and morale.

The AP never works with, cooperates with or protects insurgents. The AP does not pay money for material (except for salaries to its own staff), and thus guards carefully against inadvertently providing any financial resources to insurgents.

We will not second-guess reporters who put their lives on the line to report from Iraq, although putting your life on the line as a reporter is not quite the same as doing it as a SOLDIER. Nor will we automatically assume the STOOGES side against us, though the THE OSAMA CHANNEL's shenanigans prove how easy that is. But CURLEY & CO. would not have issued a FAQ if they were doing a job BEYOND REPROACH.

Posted 11:35 AM by Gene

On DOW 36,000's site, a GLIBERTARIAN EXPOSES HIMSELF:

I believe that the human instinct for reciprocity -- to respond positively to those who treat us well and negatively to those who treat us poorly -- is generally a sufficient basis for a moral and social order. Private business transactions and contracts, reinforced by reciprocity, can induce a virtuous cycle of increased ethical behavior, greater rewards for ethical behavior, and better institutional arrangements.

TRANSLATION: Business relationships guarantee ethical behavior.

Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

GE agrees Turkish bank stake [SIC]

Ho-hum, one bank buying another.

Posted 10:01 AM by Gene

I figured out what it is about MIKE THE BABBITT GEEK DELL that bothers me: he looks like a professional golfer, and you figure he spends a LOT of time rubbing elbows with golfers -- when he's not shaking down governments or outsourcing things.

Plus there's a little bit of DILBERT in that face, which makes for the best of TWO worlds.

Posted 9:55 AM by Gene

Con-SERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-va-TIVES:

Luxury home builder Toll Brothers Inc. said Thursday its earnings doubled in the fiscal third quarter, due to the company's strong land position and pricing power in its affluent markets....

Robert I. Toll, chairman and chief executive officer, said, "While the supply of buildable lots seems increasingly to be constrained by governmental regulation, demographics-driven demand continues to grow. We believe strong job numbers and an improving economy are positive factors for the housing industry, in general, and our luxury niche in particular."

Larry KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDlow! Get out those AIR TANKS!

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

That BELLOWING FOGHORN for PEEPING BLOGGERS is at it AGAIN with that GODFORSAKEN MOVIE -- only the first time we tried clicking the link we got this:

Microsoft OLE DB Provider for SQL Server error '80004005'

Timeout expired

/BanMan/banmanfunc.asp, line 1414

Somehow that is more edifying than reading ANOTHER tantrum over this lost cause.

Posted 8:15 AM by Gene

If the news biz were a simple unpretentious dispenser of half-truths one could tolerate it. But the moment it got that HIGHER CALLING it acquired a smell, a smell intensified by its biases, which again wouldn't be so bad except the HACKS forever assure us they HAVE NONE, rather like a bum exulting in his underarms. The smell further reeks with the biz' constant sales pitches, which allow it to make money while pretending to be populist, and thus avoid having to meet its readers' PREJUDICES so much as half-way.

The BIZ has suddenly decided in this Kane or Can or whoever it is has a good thing going. We are suspicious enough when a NEWSRAG cover-plugs it, but when the biz does the SHEEHAN or the ROBERTSON -- that is, when it sells the thing with ONE GOEBBELSIAN VOICE -- we are quite ready to SCREAM. And we KNOW the thing can't be any good because Robert "Over the" Hilburn, a man who has contributed his own few percentage points to LALA's circ GAINS, is SELLING it.

Why must consuming the news be a test of who cries UNCLE first?

Posted 8:11 AM by Gene

If he didn't already have YOU-KNOW-WHO Mrs. Gotti (and I cannot help thinking of her in the old sense of the word, MISTRESS) would be RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s perfect "girlfriend": a trollop, over make-upped and cosmetic-surgeried, and in the end, not very bright.

Posted 6:29 AM by Gene

Pat Robertson's Gift

He allows us NEWS HACKS to call Christians poor, stupid and easily led again.

Posted 5:47 PM by Gene

BLITHERING IDIOT REV APOLOGIZES.

But we know of his insatiable taste for SOLE FOOD.

Fear of death squads do it, Rev?

Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

The format wars in high-tech have gone beyond asinine. Already you can feed your DVD burner's maw with a zillion different types of discs. One may give up counting the different varieties of flash cards. This nonsense further goes to show when it comes to technology, the last thing these battlin' maniacs have in mind is the USER.

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

Dell opens a plant in AMERICA?

I guess Meh-HEE-co didn't have $37.2 million.

MIKE THE BABBITT GEEK IS A REPUBLICAN.

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

ART cost LA's Metropolitan Transit Authority $7.3 million in its last fiscal year.

SORRY YOUR HOLINESS PINCH, "FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION" HAS A PRICE.

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

And speaking of airheads with nothing to do, Google News has 1,506 links to stories about that senile Rev, compared to 1,716 links to stories on George Bush and Iraq, and 1,383 links to stories on that Peruvian plane crash.

IMBECILES.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

More hype in the holy name of entertainment:

A household with 300 cable or satellite channels has access to 7,000 hours of programming a day, almost 3 million per year. That's a lot, but it's only a fraction of the 31 million hours of total annual programming. Every major cable company is making investments to allow TV to be distributed over the Internet, giving you access to each one of those 31 million hours. And then there's this year's 36-fold explosion in consumer-generated video on the Internet.

31 million hours is the sort of number that comes from anywhere and nowhere, and too often substitues for reporting. That said, the audience for most homemade Internet video will be between negligible and nil, and the few lucky ones will be professionals -- as with BLOGS. And even the most huffy effusions of ad-blurb copywriters cannot erase the notion that the more there is to watch, the less there is.

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

I suppose on one level we should be happy USAOKAY!!!!! finds space to devote 1,548 words (counting captions and credits) to cheerleading; that means the news is slow. On the other hand if USAOKAY!!!!! can devote 1,548 words to cheerleading it may also mean we do not live in an age of ferment. I find a slight relationship between OKAY!!!!! devoting so many words to cheerleading and the showy, forced ennui enveloping Hollywood, a drear that, unbeknownst to our superiors in that toxic landfill, is based on their lack of inspiration and talent.

As for cheerleading, isn't it a little late in the day to be talking about sex? The spectacularly unfunny National Lampoon ran a cover almost three decades ago.

Posted 2:04 PM by Gene

Carly Fiorina, the Hewlett-Packard Co. CEO deposed last winter for failing to deliver enough benefits from the company's acquisition of Compaq Computer Corp., is writing a book about her career....

In February 2005, directors ousted Fiorina. HP's stock at the time was down two-thirds from its peak in 2000.

Yes, I'd say that's reason enough!

Posted 12:29 PM by Gene

And so the smell of photo chemicals in Rochester may slowly give way to the even sweeter aroma of hot dogs, popcorn, and nachos.

And it probably will too -- as Kodak slowly goes out of business and the town relies more heavily on its SPORTS GIMMICK for SALVATION, like TOO MANY DYING SMALLER TOWNS.

(More later.)

Posted 10:53 AM by Gene

And in more ROMYISM, when the new MR. BIG of MEDIA CW trashes GONZO's bash, why do I hear yet another sound -- the sound of somebody patting himself on the back?

Posted 10:48 AM by Gene

That squeaky noise you hear is the sound of ROMY's head bobbing up and down again:

We take a Cindy Sheehan, who has an honest argument to make for herself and people who may hear her and agree....

...that we're fighting in Iraq for ISRAEL and JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS.

I have no brief for the damfool Ted Nugent and the dammerfool Rev Robertson. But it is amazing how SELECTIVE people's outrage is. Yes it's true on the right -- but it's also true at the LALATIMES, which may explain that hissing noise you hear -- the sound of AIR SEEPING OUT OF ITS CIRCULATION.

Posted 10:44 AM by Gene

Hup-two-three-SLASH! Hup-two-three-BANG! Hup-two-three-OUCH!

I love a parade, don't you?

And I love NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even more!

Posted 6:49 AM by Gene

OoooooooooooOOPS:

IN RE: PAT ROBERTSON [Rick Brookhiser]

What an offense that this man was a serious candidate for the presidency. He was our Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton.

My Robertson moment came when I read a book of his that was recycling anti-Masonic propaganda from the 18th century (no kidding). I happened to see Ralph Reed, who was then working for him, and asked about it. Reed said, in effect, that Robertson almost certainly hadn't read it.

Great, so a man signs crapola he hasn't read.
Posted at 12:55 AM

Don't forget the OTHER PAT!

Posted 6:43 AM by Gene

When is a presidential vacation not a vacation?

When NEWS HACKS support the forces of RIGHT and JUSTICE and make SURE it's not a vacation.

And though Dubya always does seem to be on break, NEWS HACKS NEVER ARE.

Posted 6:29 AM by Gene

Relax, Bill Gates; It's Google's Turn as the Villain

Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Posted 6:25 AM by Gene

Duhhhhhhhhh, support a guy with a "history of poor graduation rates and player arrests" who was convicted of drunk driving, DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Follow-up at 5:45 P. M.: The man we should support for his graduation rates and player arrests and drunk driving is now "AT LEAST" $2.77 MILLION RICHER.

Posted 8:14 PM by Gene

Nadia and Robert McCaffrey, whose son Patrick was killed in Iraq in June 2004, said "Operation Iraqi Freedom" ended up on his government-supplied headstone in Oceanside, Calif., without family approval.

"I was a little taken aback," Robert McCaffrey said, describing his reaction when he first saw the operation name on Patrick's tombstone. "They certainly didn't ask my wife; they didn't ask me." He said Patrick's widow told him she had not been asked either.

"In one way, I feel it's taking advantage to a small degree," McCaffrey said. "Patrick did not want to be there, that is a definite fact."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

McCaffrey did not consult his father, with whom he discussed most important things in his life. "If he had asked me I would have advised him against it," Bob McCaffrey says. Nadia McCaffrey, who now operates a nonprofit grief counseling program and has become a leader in the Northern California antiwar movement, has been a lifelong pacifist and opposed her son's enlistment from the beginning. She says, though, that she was powerless to stop it. "He was like a lion in a cage," she recalls of her son's reaction to watching the terrorist attacks on television. "He just wanted to do something."

CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES do NOT KNOW WHAT THE INTERNET IS, and if they DID, they would not know that YOU CAN LOOK UP WORDS BY HIGHLIGHTING THEM in FIREFOX.

Or maybe they DO KNOW -- AND DON'T CARE.

Posted 6:59 PM by Gene

And let us express NO DOUBT, as we've expressed this before, that if KNEE-JERK CONSERVATIVES ran the NEWS BIZ it would be NO DIFFERENT save for the SLANT. On Monday the FLAMING SUN for NIGHT-LIGHT BLOGGERS blamed the collapse of HIS FAVORITE RECENT MOVIE on "AGENDA JOURNALISM." Though AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS are the WORST WRITERS in the BIZ, and they tilt even further than their brethren in truth, so much so as to be PARALLEL to the GROUND with their FEET FIRMLY PLANTED on IT, our SUN refuses again to countenance that this masterwork lay in ESPNCORP's VAULT for THREE YEARS. He should take solace in all the bad -- CON-SER-VA-TIVE GEMS the likes of THE CORNER has unearthed. He forgets too the many egregious movies LIBERALS celebrate SOLELY out of POLITICS -- and in this number we include TAXI DRIVER. If everything must pass a litmus test right or left we must ALL fail. Thanks to INTOLERANT KNEE-JERKS RIGHT AND LEFT, THAT'S where we're HEADED.

Posted 6:15 PM by Gene

Expect NEVER to hear the end of THIS. Between this and the NEWS HACKS' screaming for PAT ROBERTSON'S EXECUTION, can anyone doubt REPORTING IS POLITICKING WITH ANOTHER NAME?

Posted 5:48 PM by Gene

MORON:

The former head of a suburban Chicago school system stole thousands of dollars -- including milk money and library fees -- from one of the poorest districts in the state so he and his family could live the high life, prosecutors said Tuesday.

Police raided Thomas Ryan's house last week and seized $730,000 in cash from a basement safe and envelopes scattered throughout the home, prosecutor Richard Devine said. Officers had to use laundry baskets to cart out the wads of cash.

Ryan spent about $70,000 in stolen money to pay for three daughters' college tuition, prosecutors said. He also reimbursed himself for about $1,000 in Chicago Blackhawks hockey tickets and gave his daughters thousands in cash as graduation presents, Ryan [SIC?] said.

DOUBLE-, TRIPLE- and QUADRUPLE-MORON:

Ryan, who had been superintendent since 1990 and earned $183,000 a year....

WHATSA MATTA? COST OF LIVING WENT UP?

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

More proof THE WOMAN of COURAGE, VISION and STRENGTH represents THUH PEE-PUL:

Jackson Lee visits anti-war campers

Pulling our forces from Iraq would be the greatest national triumph since WE LANDED MEN ON MARS.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

Interesting that Terry Teachout calls this review of THE GREATEST COMEDY DOCUMENTARY OF ALL TIME "unexpected." We can see why: Its utterly CW P-Ulitzer-winning author (who wrote the REVIEW OF THE YEAR thus far) has the gall to say most of the tellings of the HILARIOUS JOKE are unfunny, and worse, that the joke boils over with "hatred" of the audience, and he calls the tellers "losers." If mere comedians are losers who hate the audience, what of the other people who bombard us everyday in every medium with their NON-STOP CONTEMPT?

P. S. THE GREATEST COMEDY DOCUMENTARY OF ALL TIME doubled its theatres and saw its gross decline by 23 percent. No doubt THAT joke's funnier than the "movie."

Posted 4:52 PM by Gene

G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER!!!!! WHY DID YOU TURN OFF THE NEXT BLOG BUTTON ON ME?

Posted 4:51 PM by Gene

The NPCPCAA becomes very slightly less PC.

Posted 2:11 PM by Gene

The computer I recently bought is certainly way faster than my old one; yet it doesn't really seem much faster than my old one did when I first got it. Does Intel think people are who aren't incurable GEEKS will gladly climb back on the upgrade treadmill for gains in performance that are increasingly theoretical?

Posted 1:50 PM by Gene

Abbas salutes Israel president over Gaza exit

Great. May we now refrain from the middle-finger salute?

Posted 1:32 PM by Gene

Further cribbing from ROMY, I see the consicence of the NEWS BIZ is mad because BOB YOU-KNOW-WHO's adding to his Volpone-like PILE OF GOLD. Of course THAT's not the reason he posts this; the reason he posts this is because Bob's a con-SERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-va-tive. It might never occur to ROMY that Bob is far more an ASS, Romy frequently being one himself; but we will concede he is a far GREATER ASS because he BELCHES for ZILLIONS -- and you KNOW he wouldn't have pulled that STUNT with the CARMAN if he didn't feel what his FORT-KNOX REWARDS justify him thinking -- that like ALICE, he's THE GREATEST.

Posted 12:23 PM by Gene

As no one reads us except by accident, and then for two seconds with a grumpy click to another site, we confess to huge pangs of jealousy at how other bloggers can affect the course of history. Just the other day, for instance, the great melodramatist ANDY's guest host Walt managed to ruin a friendship with another writer. At times like these we pine and sigh, but then we take comfort in realizing that to posterity, there is not a wooden nickel's difference between a blogger like me who types for nothing, and a BIG NAME SUCCESSFUL BLOGGER'S GUEST HOST who in the end, typed for nothing.

Posted 10:27 AM by Gene

Here's the problem with Rev. Pat: he expresses an impolitic impatience that, at its core, is not altogether without sense -- the president of Venezuela is NOT a nice guy -- but like too many right-wing religious leaders he is, to put it politely, a CRACKPOT, and he lets his mouth scoot WAY ahead of whatever brains he has, giving NEWS HACKS another excuse to make fun of him, and the poor, stupid, EASILY-LED CHRISTIANS, and gloat over the SUPERIORITY of their OWN NARROW TINY BIGOTRIES.

Isn't his six-shooter out of bullets to aim at his foot?

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

We had the Singing Nun, then the Flying Nun -- and now the DANCING NUN!

Posted 5:50 PM by Gene

DOUBLE-WHAMMY:

The new civilian leadership team that has moved into place under Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld over the past few months is shaping up to be less ideological, more balanced and more attuned to Congress than the first-term group it has succeeded, according to defense analysts and lawmakers.

CODE WORDS for MORE AMENABLE TO RUN SCREAMING FROM IRAQ?

Although Rumsfeld has resisted calls from some in Congress and elsewhere to resign over his handling of the Iraq conflict....

Has anyone mentioned THAT lately? Or has someone spread The Gospel in ST. WARREN'S NEWS HEAVEN again?

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

MICKEY!!!!! made a thing of the declining talk-radio ratings in the STRIB zone. I wouldn't. There'll always be loudmouths -- witness the FRED FLINTSTONES of SPORT, to whom too many seem to be turning. Still it might not be too much to hope people would shut up the braggarts of all stripes; perhaps they're starting to think for themselves.

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

Poland's last communist leader, Gen. Wojciech Jaruzelski, said Monday he regretted his country's part in the 1968 invasion of Czechoslovakia but that the decision to send troops was dictated by the realities of the era.

Did you have to return from your oblivion?

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

Let us just hope the thing works.

Posted 2:48 PM by Gene

"[T]he public outcry that greeted (the ruling) is some evidence that the political process is up to the task of addressing such policy concerns."

That being the case NINE-FINGER STEVENS, why can't we elect YOU GUYS?

Posted 11:53 AM by Gene

Golly gee! I didn't know so many people liked ISRAEL!

Posted 11:38 AM by Gene

The LORD GOD PINCH's executive editor's wings combusted in fury that someone would accuse HIS industry of bias, so what happens? Readers of E&P let him have it.

TIME FOR A COUNTER-LETTER-WRITING CAMPAIGN, ROMY! And you, St. Bill, BACK TO SLEEP.

P. S. It's 11:38 A.M. DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR PUBLIC EDI-TOR IS?

Posted 11:25 AM by Gene

Explainer: What's the Point of Consecutive Life Sentences?

Why bother with an article?

Posted 9:50 AM by Gene

"When you look at these magazines, do you think, 'Are we a country at war and facing the threat of terrorism?' or do you think, 'Gee, is this Big Mac really hurting my belt size?'"

When I look at these magazines I think, why I am looking at these magazines?

P. S. Why is it the newsrags' single-copy sales have gone down but their circulations remain the same? I don't want to guess how many "subscriptions" are cut-rates, nor how many are forced on unwilling students.

Posted 9:44 AM by Gene

Having failed to raise cable rates by buying ESPNCORP, BRIAN ROBBER has decided to raise our cable rates by BUYING ESPNCORP'S PROGRAMMING!

WAY TO GO, ROBBER BARON!

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER!!!!! WHY HAVE YOU SHUT OFF THE NEXT BLOG BUTTON ON ME?????

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

We're glad the hacks had a blast; but why do they have to bomb US?

When you read that fatuous rave, remember -- RENEE PAID ZERO FOR HER TICKET.

Posted 9:15 AM by Gene

Having abandoned in loco parentis a long time ago, colleges try to stop drinking because otherwise it would look bad.

Look guys, if your students can do anything, why can't they drink?

P. S. Florida is a par-TY school. Who knew?

The par-TY school is a hollow, sad place.

Posted 6:50 AM by Gene

We'll credit the great OJ for lots of things, but "killing" the soaps isn't one. Watching a daytime serial demands patience, something the Manhattan Masters of the Universe have been fraying with increasing success for many years. More recently the hard-core among the fans got SLUTSVILLE, and anything so ew-yuck-gross is sure to make all else look like watered-down oatmeal by comparison. Why should we mourn the decline of the soap opera anyway? It's just one more bad kind of entertainment out the window. The thing is, lots of good kinds went out that way first.

Posted 6:40 AM by Gene

The Bionic Woman's love life gets less than a ringing endorsement:

Demi Moore apparently loves 'sharing a bath' and 'snuggling up naked' with boy toy Ashton Kutcher.

Too much information, Demi.

And I don't even know you. Imagine what your poor kids have to deal with in homeroom.

Rumer, 17, Scout, 14, and Tallulah, 11, must have flipped when flipping through the pages of September's Harper's Bazaar, where Mommy, 42, blabbed about her steamy love life with her twenty-something boyfriend of two years.

Yuck.

TRANSLATION: I PAID FOR THESE BREASTS AND I INTEND TO KEEP THEM!

Posted 6:35 AM by Gene

And here's a problem:

Whatever the effect may be on the 2006 and 2008 elections, the war must be prosecuted with all the speed and force we can muster -- and that is more than we now use -- toward victory. The President needs to explain to us, in detail, what defeat would mean to us and the rest of the civilized world. He needs to tell us where we are fighting, and how. We need not know every covert operation that may be going on, but we need to be told how many nations we fight in, and why. He needs to say that the fight continues, under many covert guises, and that we mean to defeat the enemy wherever he may be, whichever regimes must be destroyed, and by whatever means, fair or foul, we must use to achieve the defeat of Islamic terrorism. And when the President tells us these facts, they must be accompanied by decisive action that carries out these intents.

All true -- but we're talking the most famously dyslexic of presidents, one who would rather hide behind the lectern than make a speech, who couldn't write a paragraph without his brain hurting, who can't say a sentence of two words without gumming it up. A great leader would do these things.

Posted 6:29 AM by Gene

Hmmm....

Democrats say a long-standing rift in the party over the Iraq war has grown increasingly raw in recent days, as stay-the-course elected leaders who voted for the war three years ago confront rising impatience from activists and strategists who want to challenge President Bush aggressively to withdraw troops.

Amid rising casualties and falling public support for the war, Democrats of all stripes have grown more vocal this summer in criticizing Bush's handling of the war. A growing chorus of Democrats, however, has said this criticism should be harnessed to a consistent message and alternative policy -- something most Democratic lawmakers have refused to offer.

TRANSLATION: Our side doesn't know what it's doing.

FURTHER TRANSLATION: Our side is doing the best it can to ignore that the EEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL DUBYA still has OVER THREE YEARS IN OFFICE.

Posted 8:21 PM by Gene

Odd that while Mr. Mark addresses his SPIRITUALITY in Germany they have none.

Many young people feel no connection with the values of the late 1960s and early 1970s. "Emancipation and self-fulfillment" -- weren't those the ideas that led to their parents getting divorced?

Nope, I don't THINK we'd see THAT in an AMERICAN newsrag.

Posted 8:05 PM by Gene

Here's the deal: You do more YAKETY-YAKETY-YAKETY-YAK-YAK-YAK-YAKKING of your PRIVATE LIFE on CELL PHONES and you'll get more UGLY CELL-PHONE TOWERS.

Posted 7:42 PM by Gene

Hmmm, GLIBERAL, you don't mention ISRAEL. Not surprised. Does the word DISHONEST mean anything to you? No. It means nothing to most NEWS HACKS.

We may guess too that your LORD has come to have second thoughts about JOOOOOOOOOOS too.

'Bye GLIBERAL! Don't scream too hard when the WALL encloses you.

P. S. Unfortunately, GLIB, the Web doesn't take THAT long.

Posted 4:32 PM by Gene

Most times we think of HHHWWWALTER CRRRONKITE as full of bluff and bluster and bull, but then he was like a little boy covering the moon landings, and you can't get entirely mad at a guy like that.

Posted 4:21 PM by Gene

Nc.eurosunsa.com disappeared -- replaced by a bigger nuisance:

c1.zedo.com!!!!!

Posted 1:36 PM by Gene

Another reason THIS TIME might be different: the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL OTHER SIDE might NOT be prepared to take it LYING DOWN.

Posted 1:04 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: CHEAP CHANNEL's going to fork over $1 BILLION in FREE AIR TIME to MOVEON.ORG when the HACKS learn they've stiffed our FAVORITE CONSCIENCE.

Broadcasters oughtn't to be so skittish about advocacy ads. On the other hand, news hacks oughtn't to be so skittish about reporting that CINDY THINKS WE'RE FIGHTING FOR EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL ISRAEL AND JOOOOOOOOOOOOS.

Posted 12:50 PM by Gene

Thunkthunkthunk mike on? Testing 1-2-3 testing 1-2 okay hear me? We're losing in Iraq! Did you hear that in the BACK? WE'RE LOSING THE WAR IN IRAQ! LOUDER? All RIGHT -- WE'RE LOSING THE WAR IN IRAQ!!!!! CAN YOU HEAR ME UP THERE IN THE PEANUT GALLERY????? WE'RE LOSING THE WAR IN IRAQ!!!!!!!!!! Hey thank you for the TREMENDOUS STANDING OVATION -- I can ALWAYS count on you.

Either Hole-in-the-Bagel should be taken out to the SHED -- or he should SWITCH to Dr. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH'S PARTY.

OR:

Hagel, Nelson pump Ethanol

Posted 9:49 AM by Gene

I don't know what's gotten into STERNO. I've lately turned to his blog and found no mention of his GOD, no mention of PRUDES, no mention of JIHADISTS, no mention of all the things that got me to call him STERNO in the first place. True, he can be tiresome in his evangelism for the Web, and we really don't need to know Dell STINKS, and he's taking ads (to be sure, he was forthright and sensible in stating his reasons). But I'll admit even on his many bad days he always did have a (heavily-hidden) vein of common sense. Who knows? If he keeps it up maybe I'll stop calling him STERNO.

Posted 9:34 AM by Gene

As Romy and other blithering NEWS HACKS trembled with a profound mixture of self-centered anguish and megalomaniacal pride, somebody shot what they credulously imagined to be GONZO'S ASHES into the sky, thus hastening his trip to oblivion.

Goodbye Gonzo -- and GET LOST!

Come to think of it, he already got there.

Posted 9:25 AM by Gene

Was John's heart really into this column? We've read too much of NEWSRAGS to suspect how they're written. We too are mad at the NPCPCAA and its politically-correct call to ban Indian (NATIVE AMERICAN) mascots, and the people who would ban junk food; we too are mad at the self-righteousness that has pervaded our private realms since the coming of John Banzhaf, but this past week also disclosed a survey that rather strongly linked R movies to juvenile delinquency. Does any time someone complains about a societal malfunction we now call it NANNYISM? This is the detritus of some forgotten scribbler named Kilpatrick, a faux-Mencken who probably didn't believe half what he wrote so long as he had his conservative shtick. Pills have always been part of American life, and for the most part they've made things better; today's pills largely suffer from the law of diminishing returns.

Posted 9:18 AM by Gene

A newsrag owned by -- the LORD is "searching" for -- SPIRITUALITY?

Skimming this typing I found nothing too controversial, but who wants to do more than SKIM a NEWSRAG?