THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, July 03, 2004
THE MASTER once immortally said:
Were it not for imagination, Sir, a man would be as happy in the arms of a chambermaid as of a Duchess.
Thankfully in today's society men's imaginations can make them happy in the arms of a chambermaid.
Were it not for imagination, Sir, a man would be as happy in the arms of a chambermaid as of a Duchess.
Thankfully in today's society men's imaginations can make them happy in the arms of a chambermaid.
Show-biz + anger = THE CHANCE TO PERMANENTLY REFORM AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!
Or maybe it's just a bunch of leftist Birchites and elitists trying to put another one over on the public.
I don't know; given how THE GREATEST FILM OF ALL TIME has pancaked I'd say rage only goes so far.
Or maybe it's just a bunch of leftist Birchites and elitists trying to put another one over on the public.
I don't know; given how THE GREATEST FILM OF ALL TIME has pancaked I'd say rage only goes so far.
Speaking of moolah, a family wants Princeton Mutual Fund to give back the money it invested -- because the Fund is misspending it!
Isn't that how mutual funds work?
Isn't that how mutual funds work?
It appears people are SCREAMING out of the theaters playing "THE GREATEST FILM OF ALL TIME!!!!!" (Paul Krugman, ET AL, AD NAUSEUM). The masterwork's BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-O declined by a "respectable" sounding 39 percent Friday to Friday -- problem is, it's now playing at TWICE AS MANY VENUES. Maybe the revolution hasn't started just yet.
P. R. MEL STILL WINS!!!!!!!!!! (Bleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaah.)
P. R. MEL STILL WINS!!!!!!!!!! (Bleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaah.)
The real reason for concern at Athens:
It is likely that security vehicles for athletes and V.I.P.'s will have trouble maneuvering through the streets, even though Athens has set aside special lanes for Olympic vehicles, advisory officials said. [Emphasis added.]
Meaning all those CEOs sponsoring the GE Bancorp Obscure Sports and Sappy Featurettes Orgy will have MORE reason to attack their subordinates when they return home.
It is likely that security vehicles for athletes and V.I.P.'s will have trouble maneuvering through the streets, even though Athens has set aside special lanes for Olympic vehicles, advisory officials said. [Emphasis added.]
Meaning all those CEOs sponsoring the GE Bancorp Obscure Sports and Sappy Featurettes Orgy will have MORE reason to attack their subordinates when they return home.
How can CURLEY's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES campaign in an article on the relatively non-controversial notion that churches should stay above politics? Simple: by calling Southern Baptists CONSERVATIVE and not similarly identifying three very left "advocacy" groups. (Indeed the as-usual ANONYMOUS Stooge appears to have done a little copying and editing from this press release. Oh well, the forces of right can do wrong for right.) This is why religious news coverage STINKS, and this is why NEWS HACKS STINK.
Friday, July 02, 2004
I think both these guys are right. Coach K should quit for LALALand. And he should stay at Duke.
I think he's caught between some rockheads and a hard place.
I think he's caught between some rockheads and a hard place.
Leftists scream once again that we kill a lot of people.
Nazis, Communists, and terrorists kill a lot of people too.
Nazis, Communists, and terrorists kill a lot of people too.
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, another Democratic president will govern by polls.
Survey SAID --
I might not may not perhaps could be won't run for vice-president.
Survey SAID --
I might not may not perhaps could be won't run for vice-president.
SHARON Stone was shocked to learn her agent at ICM, Ed Limato, had flunkies eavesdrop on her phone calls and take notes on their conversations.
Hey YOU, when we consider what YOU'RE famous for....
Hey YOU, when we consider what YOU'RE famous for....
The superannuated rock star whose former liver by rights should be on display in a Ripley's Believe It or Not! museum cops a plea.
See you under arrest again soon!
See you under arrest again soon!
Somehow it is almost superfluous to quote from Genesis confronted with this, but God created beauty wherever He went, making mountains, and flowers, and tigers, and butterflies, and beautiful women (pardon my sex) -- and the planet Saturn.
He also had a sense of humor.
Oooooooooh, John Podhoretz takes on Andy S....
There's no sense coming up with silly arguments to explain how this isn't really the most successful documentary of all time. It is. Deal with it.
...and STERNO:
AS YAHWEH [Oops –- he wrote Stern. --Ed.] SAYS, THE POST DOESN'T LIKE YAHWEH!!!!! [Had to do that for consistency. --Ed.] WHEN THIS LATEST FCC JIHAD BEGAN, I PROPOSED WRITING AN OP-ED FOR THE POST!!!!! THEY WOULDN'T TAKE IT!!!!! THEY DON'T LIKE YAHWEH [Sorry. --Ed.] AND NOW THAT HE'S ANTI-BUSH, THEY ESPECIALLY DON'T LIKE HIM!!!!!!!!!!
1. I don't know how many times RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s tabloid Charmin has flacked for STERNO'S GOD, inflating his audience and sex life; it's beyond count. 2. STERNO doesn't like anything less than total reverence toward his deity. Saying this lower-case lower-depths messiah will determine the election IS "nonsense." DEAL WITH IT, STERNO.
There's no sense coming up with silly arguments to explain how this isn't really the most successful documentary of all time. It is. Deal with it.
...and STERNO:
AS YAHWEH [Oops –- he wrote Stern. --Ed.] SAYS, THE POST DOESN'T LIKE YAHWEH!!!!! [Had to do that for consistency. --Ed.] WHEN THIS LATEST FCC JIHAD BEGAN, I PROPOSED WRITING AN OP-ED FOR THE POST!!!!! THEY WOULDN'T TAKE IT!!!!! THEY DON'T LIKE YAHWEH [Sorry. --Ed.] AND NOW THAT HE'S ANTI-BUSH, THEY ESPECIALLY DON'T LIKE HIM!!!!!!!!!!
1. I don't know how many times RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s tabloid Charmin has flacked for STERNO'S GOD, inflating his audience and sex life; it's beyond count. 2. STERNO doesn't like anything less than total reverence toward his deity. Saying this lower-case lower-depths messiah will determine the election IS "nonsense." DEAL WITH IT, STERNO.
EM and his hack call Pacific Palisades "a tiny place."
You dreaming of the days you could impeach a president?
You dreaming of the days you could impeach a president?
"The margins are getting smaller on a lot of items," lamented Sheldon Wright, a pawnshop owner from Washington state.
Does that mean eBay's P/E eventually goes a few digits south of 100?
Does that mean eBay's P/E eventually goes a few digits south of 100?
On the hundreds of thousands we earn each year we've got to exercise our fingers! Ready? 1-2-3-and lift-2-3-and TYPE-2-3-AND...
S. Robert Lichter, president of the Center for Media and Public Affairs in Washington [SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. -Ed.], recalled studies done in the wake of ABC's 1983 telecast of "The Day After," a popular film about the aftermath of a nuclear war. The movie became a rallying point for nuclear-freeze groups and the subject of news-discussion programs. Yet surveys taken before and after the program aired indicated little change in public opinion about U.S. nuclear and defense policy.
Jack LaLanne could make a FORTUNE as a news biz consultant!
S. Robert Lichter, president of the Center for Media and Public Affairs in Washington [SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. -Ed.], recalled studies done in the wake of ABC's 1983 telecast of "The Day After," a popular film about the aftermath of a nuclear war. The movie became a rallying point for nuclear-freeze groups and the subject of news-discussion programs. Yet surveys taken before and after the program aired indicated little change in public opinion about U.S. nuclear and defense policy.
Jack LaLanne could make a FORTUNE as a news biz consultant!
Thursday, July 01, 2004
"It can't get any worse, it can only get better," said Tom Bernard, co-president of Sony Pictures Classics, an arthouse division of Sony Pictures Entertainment. "The guy was so old and past his time. They really haven't revamped the M.P.A.A. ratings system for years. It's almost medieval the way they evaluate the movies."
GOODBYE, DR. EVIL!!!!!
"Let's face it - Valenti, technology's not his expertise."
What does Dan know -- COWS? How the CIA does ACROSTICS? GOOD LUCK, DR. EVIL!!!!!
GOODBYE, DR. EVIL!!!!!
"Let's face it - Valenti, technology's not his expertise."
What does Dan know -- COWS? How the CIA does ACROSTICS? GOOD LUCK, DR. EVIL!!!!!
The late radio writer and Variety flack Carroll Carroll lamented that cable TV could never fill its vast stretches of air time with decent programming. He couldn't even imagine the Web. You know Kinsley.com's marking time when it runs something entitled, "Why Soccer is More American than Baseball" (home-page hed).
Here's predicting a star-spangled bomb. As I said before, the target audience doesn't watch movies, and they know MICKEYMOUSE NIXON financed THE MOVIE.
ALL HAIL THE NEW DR. EVIL!!!!!
Now all Dan has to do is befriend Cicero and cite public-opinion polls.
I want to see him defend THE CONSPIRACY.
Now all Dan has to do is befriend Cicero and cite public-opinion polls.
I want to see him defend THE CONSPIRACY.
The rise of a secular, democratic Iraq could pose a threat to Iran's Shi'ite clerical establishment, which fears it would serve as a powerful model for moderate Iranians who seek change, clerics said.
Ooooh, bad.
Many senior clerics are particularly concerned about any shift in the center of gravity within Shi'ite Islam away from Iran's holy city of Qom, from which clerics wield immense political authority, toward Najaf in neighboring Iraq.
The emergence of Najaf coincides with the rise to political prominence of Iraqi clerics, such as Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Husseini al-Sistani, who question the legitimacy of absolute rule by the clergy.
"Now Najaf, as a more moderate center, will regain the place it held for most of the past 1,500 years," said Hadi Qabel, a reformist midranking cleric from Qom.
"It will rejuvenate the role of clerics throughout the Shi'ite world. ... Iraqi moderate clerics like Ayatollah Ali Sistani do not consider ruling the country as their legitimate right," he said.
OOOOOH! VERY bad. Right "BUSH-IS-A-NAZI-WAR CRIMINAL-EVIL" types?
Ooooh, bad.
Many senior clerics are particularly concerned about any shift in the center of gravity within Shi'ite Islam away from Iran's holy city of Qom, from which clerics wield immense political authority, toward Najaf in neighboring Iraq.
The emergence of Najaf coincides with the rise to political prominence of Iraqi clerics, such as Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Husseini al-Sistani, who question the legitimacy of absolute rule by the clergy.
"Now Najaf, as a more moderate center, will regain the place it held for most of the past 1,500 years," said Hadi Qabel, a reformist midranking cleric from Qom.
"It will rejuvenate the role of clerics throughout the Shi'ite world. ... Iraqi moderate clerics like Ayatollah Ali Sistani do not consider ruling the country as their legitimate right," he said.
OOOOOH! VERY bad. Right "BUSH-IS-A-NAZI-WAR CRIMINAL-EVIL" types?
Google search for criminal bush: 1,500,000 hits.
Google search for bush criminal: 1,480,000 hits.
Google search for "criminal bush": 3,560 hits.
Google search for "bush criminal": 2,880 hits.
Google search for "bush is a criminal": 1,090 hits.
Yep Saddam, I'd say some people are rootin' for ya!
Google search for bush criminal: 1,480,000 hits.
Google search for "criminal bush": 3,560 hits.
Google search for "bush criminal": 2,880 hits.
Google search for "bush is a criminal": 1,090 hits.
Yep Saddam, I'd say some people are rootin' for ya!
FINALLY:
Calling the new Spider-Man film the best comic-book movie ever made — and it is, without a doubt, the best comic-book movie ever made — is a little like calling a Chicken McNugget the best processed fast-food poultry product ever produced. It's praise, but how substantial can the praise really be, given the source?
And our GRAF of the WEEK:
I've always been an anti-comic-book snob, and I paid a price for it. Unlike many of my friends, I didn't preserve comic books from the 1960s and 1970s in little clear plastic bags. Friends who did have subsequently made thousands of dollars on them by selling them to comic-book stores whose owners and managers always seem to resemble Jabba the Hut — if Jabba the Hut wore a t-shirt with a Metallica logo on it. So maybe I'm a little bitter.
Two-and-three-quarters cheers for John Podhoretz!
Calling the new Spider-Man film the best comic-book movie ever made — and it is, without a doubt, the best comic-book movie ever made — is a little like calling a Chicken McNugget the best processed fast-food poultry product ever produced. It's praise, but how substantial can the praise really be, given the source?
And our GRAF of the WEEK:
I've always been an anti-comic-book snob, and I paid a price for it. Unlike many of my friends, I didn't preserve comic books from the 1960s and 1970s in little clear plastic bags. Friends who did have subsequently made thousands of dollars on them by selling them to comic-book stores whose owners and managers always seem to resemble Jabba the Hut — if Jabba the Hut wore a t-shirt with a Metallica logo on it. So maybe I'm a little bitter.
Two-and-three-quarters cheers for John Podhoretz!
Saddam and the left agree:
"The REAL criminal is BUSH!!!!!"
Think we could do some last-second editing, P. R. MIKE?
"The REAL criminal is BUSH!!!!!"
Think we could do some last-second editing, P. R. MIKE?
The latest ostrich-head-burying from such megabloggers as STERNO is that the red-blue "division" is false. Well how to explain this poll, which shows we're evenly divided on the notion of defending First Amendment rights? I'd bet it's a straight-down-the-middle liberal-conservative split. This isn't division?
Of course I'm not sure how much to trust polls after THIS ONE.
Of course I'm not sure how much to trust polls after THIS ONE.
I was about to ask, "When is a protest rally not a protest rally? When it's not OUR rally!", but someone did report on this rally in Hong Kong.
Now it's up to Wal-Mart.
Now it's up to Wal-Mart.
The other day THE PAPER OF RECORD got a big laugh when the fans at Yankee Stadium booed Mr. Inside. As well they should have: not because he's CON-SER-VATIVE (the root of NAZISM, as moderates like NICHOLAS KRISTOF and THE GLIBERAL never cease to tell us), but because he's another JAMES BAKER, an inveterate fixer who's in it for the dough, and when he leaves office he'll run a huge lobbying firm that can escape legal troubles thanks to its connections. People are right to "watch" Mr. Inside.
When truth is a matter of politics, there is no truth. Thus people can say what they please and know it won't be easily refuted. Worse, in a media dictatorship, truth becomes the power of one's PR. Translated: he with the most toys wins.
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
I'm inclined to believe RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!'S brownnoser when he says, "Marlon Brando's crazy like a fox."
STERNO! You don't have to worry:
The FCC has issued about $4 million in indecency fines since 1990....
That's TWO SUPER BOWL SPOTS. SUMNER can pay for indecency just by charging more.
The FCC has issued about $4 million in indecency fines since 1990....
That's TWO SUPER BOWL SPOTS. SUMNER can pay for indecency just by charging more.
And in more moderation, the moderate centrist PAPER OF RECORD columnist who moderately centrized, "DONALD RUMSFELD HAS PRESIDED OVER THE MOST FOOLISH CONFLICT SINCE THE WAR OF JENKINS' EAR IN THE 18TH CENTURY!!!!!!!!!!", has decided we should all be more MODERATE.
MODERATION begins at HOME, Mr. KRISTOF -- and in the HEART.
MODERATION begins at HOME, Mr. KRISTOF -- and in the HEART.
Kidman: Men Aren't Beating Down the Door
I am sure we all feel VERY sorry.
I'm waiting for Madame DeFarge's husband to grow older.
I am sure we all feel VERY sorry.
I'm waiting for Madame DeFarge's husband to grow older.
How the has-beens act:
Rock star Eddie Van Halen caused a scene last week by taking alcohol into an exclusive restaurant and blessing two diners with mineral water.
(Sorry for the spritz of CHEAP CHANNEL.)
Rock star Eddie Van Halen caused a scene last week by taking alcohol into an exclusive restaurant and blessing two diners with mineral water.
(Sorry for the spritz of CHEAP CHANNEL.)
Six of one: someone throws a tirade in Romy's letters page over some Moonie stooge calling DIP "Hanoi John" and saying Sen. Rodham's a lesbian.
Half-a-dozen of the other: THE GLIBERAL calls the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL HERR DOKTOR ASHCROFT a NAZI without having the guts to do it outright.
Nope, looks like these two wrongs are just two wrongs.
Half-a-dozen of the other: THE GLIBERAL calls the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL HERR DOKTOR ASHCROFT a NAZI without having the guts to do it outright.
Nope, looks like these two wrongs are just two wrongs.
And PROF, I'm sick of hearing that something is NUMBER (FILL-IN-THE-BLANK) on AMAZON.COM. This is how NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!! hypes books, it's how P. R. MIKE!!!!!!!!!! hypes books, and it's another morale-sapping anger-inducing Web shtick. (Of course it also gets you 70 trillion gazillion umptillion hits.)
STERNO'S GOING BANANAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but one could say SUMNER's circling the wagons (he has lots of wagons to circle), and one could very much say this is the latest publicity stunt in the endless string of publicity stunts that threatens our national sanity and morale, from P. R. MEL to P. R. MIKE to MS. BOOB to MRS. SLUT to THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM HISTORY, and I'd wager while the hard-cores cheer, the vast majority frowns.
And when STERNO says something from Little Howie Hairshirt is great I should know better than to read it.
And when STERNO says something from Little Howie Hairshirt is great I should know better than to read it.
The art world is now so swollen with currency and the vanity of inflated reputation that it is taking on some of the less creditable aspects of showbiz. Hollywood doesn't want critics, it wants PR folk and profile-writers. Showbiz controls journalism by controlling access. The art world hopes to do the same, though on a more piddly level. No other domain of culture would try this one on. No publisher, fearing that an unfavourable review, would attempt to stop a book critic quoting from some novel. No producer would make a guarantee of innocuousness the price of a critic's ticket to the theatre. It just wouldn't happen. But in art, it can. And since it can, as Bill Clinton remarked in another context, it does.
Remember this the next time you hear of THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM HISTORY, or the GENIUS of P. R. MIKE.
Remember this the next time you hear of THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM HISTORY, or the GENIUS of P. R. MIKE.
Rap and Islam: there's a marriage made in -- wherever Frankenstein's monster and his bride got betrothed. You can understand why Muslim rappers "don't use curse words or say things that are offensive to women." That's okay; wait until sharia comes along, then we'll put women (and JEWS, and INFIDELS) in their PLACE.
Come to think of it, that's what rappers do now.
Come to think of it, that's what rappers do now.
BUSH WILL SKIP GROUND ZERO
Good idea. Dubya instinctively knows NEWS HACKS would beat him over the head with it, never mind they said what a good guy he was when he visited the site the FIRST time.
Good idea. Dubya instinctively knows NEWS HACKS would beat him over the head with it, never mind they said what a good guy he was when he visited the site the FIRST time.
When some people desperately want to believe something, they'll say anything. "YEP, THE MOVIE WITH ALL THOSE HOT YOUNG STRAIGHT DUDES SHOVING TOY CARS UP THEIR POSTERIORS ACTUALLY BEAT OUT MICHAEL MOORE AT THE BOX OFFICE!!!!!" screams Andy S., citing someone called IMAO as his expert. Problem is, box-office numbers are FIXABLE (double entendre intended), and P. R. MIKE'S distributor (the badly acronymed FAG group) "adjusted" its numbers to add an extra $2 MILLION. The WALL STREET JOURNALS CONSERVATIVE EDITION (which also cited the earlier numbers) may THINK Jackass is a documentary; that's like saying Andy S. is heterosexual. We've had it up to our gizzards with all partisan types thanks to screaming and cajoling like this, and at any rate THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM HISTORY will clean its competitors' clocks right down to the second hand. Is it that important?
And a special tip of the benny to ANDY S. for making it impossible to cut-and-paste from his site. And YOU encouraged your @#$%&* FISKERS to do some copyright infringement?
P. S. BUT IF WE ADJUST FOR INFLATION...oh shut up.
And a special tip of the benny to ANDY S. for making it impossible to cut-and-paste from his site. And YOU encouraged your @#$%&* FISKERS to do some copyright infringement?
P. S. BUT IF WE ADJUST FOR INFLATION...oh shut up.
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
This simple squib is why, at its best, About Last Night is priceless, and ample proof that, THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM HISTORY notwithstanding, our culture has lost something.
How typical: Columbia Journalism Review, which for CENTURIES has led the fight against "superficial" political coverage, devotes A WHOLE PAGE of its Web site to news-hack depictions of DIPPITY-DO!'s looks, then moans,
Whatever descriptions of the candidates and their demeanors become the flavors of the moment with the campaign press, we urge you, the readers and the listeners -- resist. For those characterizations will bear little or no relationship to reality, and in the Kingdom of the Blind, the one-eyed man will be king.
News hacks have eyes?
Whatever descriptions of the candidates and their demeanors become the flavors of the moment with the campaign press, we urge you, the readers and the listeners -- resist. For those characterizations will bear little or no relationship to reality, and in the Kingdom of the Blind, the one-eyed man will be king.
News hacks have eyes?
"Don't ever retire Bobby, you'll die!"
Coming from a 93-year-old lady "who still does headstands every day and dines out every night," that is sage advice.
Coming from a 93-year-old lady "who still does headstands every day and dines out every night," that is sage advice.
The NINE FINGERS in the WIND have been so busy cracking their KNUCKLES over the FINE POINTS of LAW they're having trouble POINTING.
And thanks again, USAOKAY.com, for ALL THOSE POP-UPS and POP-UNDERS! Congress should pass a law against YOU.
And thanks again, USAOKAY.com, for ALL THOSE POP-UPS and POP-UNDERS! Congress should pass a law against YOU.
This is the week every @#$%&* ad-blurb copywriter puts on the costume and does the high-holy hosannah for THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM HISTORY, which leaves us wondering how the biz managed for over 100 years and gets us daydreaming of newspapers without AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS.
What's more, in the fatuous, obfuscatory, sideways and thoroughly cute manner that is THE PAPER OF RECORD's, A. O. with B. O. intimates that THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM HISTORY isn't so great because it's great, it's because the SURROUNDING MASTERPIECES are so BAD. But of course the LAST place to find straightforward writing is in THE PAPER OF RECORD.
What's more, in the fatuous, obfuscatory, sideways and thoroughly cute manner that is THE PAPER OF RECORD's, A. O. with B. O. intimates that THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM HISTORY isn't so great because it's great, it's because the SURROUNDING MASTERPIECES are so BAD. But of course the LAST place to find straightforward writing is in THE PAPER OF RECORD.
National Review Founder Says It's Time to Leave Stage
Uhhh realllly, bzumbzumbzum, they should have given you the HOOK a LONG TIME AGO, bzumbzumbzum.
ROLL OVER BEETHOVEN!!!!!
Uhhh realllly, bzumbzumbzum, they should have given you the HOOK a LONG TIME AGO, bzumbzumbzum.
ROLL OVER BEETHOVEN!!!!!
WOW!!!!! ANDY S. finds "Gibson/Moore parallels" -- a week after I do.
That should be good for another eighteen trillion quadrillion sextillion (whoops) hits for Andy.
How shall we say it, ANDY S. can be TRYING -- but he wouldn't be a SUPERMEGABLOGGER otherwise.
That should be good for another eighteen trillion quadrillion sextillion (whoops) hits for Andy.
How shall we say it, ANDY S. can be TRYING -- but he wouldn't be a SUPERMEGABLOGGER otherwise.
Monday, June 28, 2004
I don't usually like puns, BUT....
The sight of so many rubber chickens being waved by Giants fans delights Bill Littlejohn of South Lake Tahoe. He calls it "poultry in motion."
I can forgive you Bill, because it made me laugh.
The sight of so many rubber chickens being waved by Giants fans delights Bill Littlejohn of South Lake Tahoe. He calls it "poultry in motion."
I can forgive you Bill, because it made me laugh.
Something called "operations research" has become to Vir-GIN-ia what nanotech is to PROF. Problem is I scroll halfway down her column and find, "Beginning in the 1980s, when American Airlines demonstrated that airlines could save billions of dollars using O.R. techniques to design their schedules...." So why do airlines always go broke? "David Brooks can go for laughs by invoking 'Six Sigma' as a mere buzzword" because businessmen have been trying to be Dilbert since long before BABBITT, and because it smells like poli-sci for the Rotary bunch.
A BRILLIANT IDEA FROM ANDY S.:
It's been extremely difficult to get a full transcript of the Michael Moore movie. So here's a thought: why doesn't some enterprising blogger take a tape recorder to a screening, transcribe the narrative, and post it? Then it's a fiskathon. [Emphasis added.]
It's also copyright infringement, and knowing P. R. MIKE I don't think he'll allow it unless he agrees with you.
It's been extremely difficult to get a full transcript of the Michael Moore movie. So here's a thought: why doesn't some enterprising blogger take a tape recorder to a screening, transcribe the narrative, and post it? Then it's a fiskathon. [Emphasis added.]
It's also copyright infringement, and knowing P. R. MIKE I don't think he'll allow it unless he agrees with you.
Ooooooooooops! John Templeton may NOT have donated that $1 million to defeat GEORGE SOROS!!!!!
Figures. NewsMAX!!!!! doesn't report the news, it fantasizes it.
Figures. NewsMAX!!!!! doesn't report the news, it fantasizes it.
One of the politico's favorite ways of mangling English is with "the floating 'hopefully.'" Mssssssssss. Pelosi starts her statement with one, a "hopefully" that insinuates with any luck Iraq will be a QUAGMIRE -- the only problem being if it's a QUAGMIRE it's a QUAGMIRE for the IRAQIS too (Democrats and peaceniks seem to forget that). That said, having grown tired of Rashomon and facing liars of both sides and all persuasions, and for the sake of a brief bit of fresh air, let us presume Mssssssssss. Pelosi wants the best for Iraq, even if she expressed herself through a staffer who could not write his or her (mustn't be sexist around Mssssssssss. Pelosi) way out of a QUAGMIRE.
Another reason ombudspoops don't work: SUPERINSTAPROF links to AN ECONOMIST (or something) who complained to the WaPost:
I am a long-time subscriber and I like to read all points of view, but today's front page really troubled me. It contained two news-analysis articles, each of which read like a rally for opponents of President Bush.
The article on "health care vs. tax cuts" made it sound as if the only way I can spend more of my money on health care is if the government does it for me. The fact that people who have more discretionary income from tax cuts could choose to spend that income on health insurance or health care or something that is more important to them is left out. In that article, you quote Bruce Bartlett, who I know is completely disillusioned with President Bush for his *failure to cut spending* even more. He is disgusted with Bush for spending so much and thinks that Kerry would not be any worse. If you want to print a quote from Bartlett supporting your "analysis," then you ought to spell out where Bartlett is coming from, instead of making it sound like Bartlett is a Bush supporter on fiscal policy. Or find someone else to quote to balance the article.
Then there is the "analysis" which claims that the Bush doctrine has been undermined by events in Iraq. If anything, the Bush foreign policy has been undermined by relentless attacks in the media, such as your front page (which consistently runs editorials that are more anti-Bush and anti-war than what appears on your editorial page). The article is very selective and unbalanced in its choice of "experts" to quote. Robert Kagan is written off as an "Administration supporter," while all of the critics of the Administration are not labeled as such. Instead, for critics one sees things like "nonpartisan Brussels-based group," which is a standard way for the liberal media to identify left-wingers (and having Googled the International Crisis Group, my sense is indeed that is what they are).
I believe that the Post could do two things to remedy this. One is to simply drop the pretense of unbiased journalism, and simply say that the front page is used to promote the opinions of your reporters and editorial staff. Ultimately, I think that this is the most honest approach.
If you wish to try to hang on to the myth of an unbiased front page, then I think you ought to hire a conservative to scrutinize the front page before it is printed. That way, some of the bias will be caught ahead of time, rather than leaving it up to the readers.
Now imagine YOU'RE an ombudspoop, and you have to read dozens of letters like that, DAY after DAY after DAY. This is why the job is little more than a second repository for newspaper letter writers. It also explains why, especially with NEWS HACKS, the more things change....
Of course if PROF had his way such letters would be TEN TIMES as long. For ten times the effect, I guess. Ten times zero....
I am a long-time subscriber and I like to read all points of view, but today's front page really troubled me. It contained two news-analysis articles, each of which read like a rally for opponents of President Bush.
The article on "health care vs. tax cuts" made it sound as if the only way I can spend more of my money on health care is if the government does it for me. The fact that people who have more discretionary income from tax cuts could choose to spend that income on health insurance or health care or something that is more important to them is left out. In that article, you quote Bruce Bartlett, who I know is completely disillusioned with President Bush for his *failure to cut spending* even more. He is disgusted with Bush for spending so much and thinks that Kerry would not be any worse. If you want to print a quote from Bartlett supporting your "analysis," then you ought to spell out where Bartlett is coming from, instead of making it sound like Bartlett is a Bush supporter on fiscal policy. Or find someone else to quote to balance the article.
Then there is the "analysis" which claims that the Bush doctrine has been undermined by events in Iraq. If anything, the Bush foreign policy has been undermined by relentless attacks in the media, such as your front page (which consistently runs editorials that are more anti-Bush and anti-war than what appears on your editorial page). The article is very selective and unbalanced in its choice of "experts" to quote. Robert Kagan is written off as an "Administration supporter," while all of the critics of the Administration are not labeled as such. Instead, for critics one sees things like "nonpartisan Brussels-based group," which is a standard way for the liberal media to identify left-wingers (and having Googled the International Crisis Group, my sense is indeed that is what they are).
I believe that the Post could do two things to remedy this. One is to simply drop the pretense of unbiased journalism, and simply say that the front page is used to promote the opinions of your reporters and editorial staff. Ultimately, I think that this is the most honest approach.
If you wish to try to hang on to the myth of an unbiased front page, then I think you ought to hire a conservative to scrutinize the front page before it is printed. That way, some of the bias will be caught ahead of time, rather than leaving it up to the readers.
Now imagine YOU'RE an ombudspoop, and you have to read dozens of letters like that, DAY after DAY after DAY. This is why the job is little more than a second repository for newspaper letter writers. It also explains why, especially with NEWS HACKS, the more things change....
Of course if PROF had his way such letters would be TEN TIMES as long. For ten times the effect, I guess. Ten times zero....
The Saudis are emceeing the first ever Islamic Games. We will hold off on snide remarks about potential competitions (suicide bombings, stone throwings, beatings, floggings, decapitations, etc.) and will further hold off on snide remarks that women can't compete because Saudi Arabia is CONSERVATIVE, but will only say it should prove plenty of fun, especially if the athletes and spectators remember to drink plenty of NON-ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES to ward off the Arabian heat.
: I was a TV critic during broadcast TV's -- and American pop culture's -- true golden age, when television was filled with good shows and those shows were also the most popular, proving -- against all popular snarking -- that Americans, the masses, do have good taste.
Annd yew wer thuh mooving fors behynd itt, STERNO.
Annd yew wer thuh mooving fors behynd itt, STERNO.
I'm Okay, You're Okay
And being a former TWXSTER you're VERY okay, although not as okay as you should be because STEVE 'N' GERRY...never mind.
Your prose isn't so okay, and that's because you were okay at TIME INC.
P. S. I wonder if PINCH had MICHIKO do her evisceration so the subsequent reviews would be BETTER.
And being a former TWXSTER you're VERY okay, although not as okay as you should be because STEVE 'N' GERRY...never mind.
Your prose isn't so okay, and that's because you were okay at TIME INC.
P. S. I wonder if PINCH had MICHIKO do her evisceration so the subsequent reviews would be BETTER.
And near the top of my list of overrated Web sites along with GAWKER and a few other SUPERBLOGGERS is ROTTENTOMATOES.COM. Just for an example, here are the "publications" represented in one review: Spirituality and Health, Culturevulture.Net, Palo Alto Weekly...
Which is to say, I'm IMPRESSED.
Which is to say, I'm IMPRESSED.
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, pundits MUST write. The CONSERVATIVE Mike left behind nothing but some bad dreams in kids. By August, this EARTH-SHATTERING CINEMA will have vanished too.
EM, are you THAT hard up for filler for your site?
P. S. Whatever tiny trust I had for the ad-blurb copywriters has vanished. They didn't like P. R. MEL because of the POLITICS, and they liked P. R. MIKE because of the POLITICS. The blurbists already majored in fawning and dishonesty; with these two tantrums they've earned their magna cum laude.
EM, are you THAT hard up for filler for your site?
P. S. Whatever tiny trust I had for the ad-blurb copywriters has vanished. They didn't like P. R. MEL because of the POLITICS, and they liked P. R. MIKE because of the POLITICS. The blurbists already majored in fawning and dishonesty; with these two tantrums they've earned their magna cum laude.
Let's see the NEWS HACKS try to pull a QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!! out of THIS one. (They will.) I'd bet it won't stop the attacks. Yes or no, so long as WE retain the upper hand the Iraqis WILL get something better than Saddam, whether the HACKS like it or not. (They won't).
Sunday, June 27, 2004
Hmmm, here's something about THE MIRACLE of THE MIRACLE news hacks hadn't told us:
Not all of the improvements were McDonald's doing. A rebounding economy helped. So did the falling fortunes at archfoe Burger King.
The nation's No. 2 fast-food chain found itself facing similar struggles, but with a smaller infrastructure, store closings were more profound. Burger King has closed hundreds of stores, meaning many customers come to McDonald's by default.
This is starting to look like plain old-fashioned luck. Let's wait until next year.
Not all of the improvements were McDonald's doing. A rebounding economy helped. So did the falling fortunes at archfoe Burger King.
The nation's No. 2 fast-food chain found itself facing similar struggles, but with a smaller infrastructure, store closings were more profound. Burger King has closed hundreds of stores, meaning many customers come to McDonald's by default.
This is starting to look like plain old-fashioned luck. Let's wait until next year.
TEMPLETON CONTRIBUTES $1 MILLION TO COUNTER SOROS!!!!!
WORLD FAMOUS FINANCIER SIR JOHN TEMPLETON HAS DONATED $1 MILLION THROUGH HIS FOUNDATION TO A POLITICAL GROUP THAT WILL ENCOURAGE RELIGIOUS CONSERVATIVES TO VOTE THIS NOVEMBER!!!!!!!!!!
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yep, it's THE MAX!!!!! again.
WORLD FAMOUS FINANCIER SIR JOHN TEMPLETON HAS DONATED $1 MILLION THROUGH HIS FOUNDATION TO A POLITICAL GROUP THAT WILL ENCOURAGE RELIGIOUS CONSERVATIVES TO VOTE THIS NOVEMBER!!!!!!!!!!
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yep, it's THE MAX!!!!! again.
Looks like NEWS HACKS get to run the CIA again.
Oh and APOLITICAL LENNY, how does running a DIPPITY-DO FOR PRESIDENT AD on the page with the story enhance your aura of NON-PARTISANSHIP?
Oh and APOLITICAL LENNY, how does running a DIPPITY-DO FOR PRESIDENT AD on the page with the story enhance your aura of NON-PARTISANSHIP?
LENNY RIEFEN$TAHL TURNS ON HIS FELLOW -- now I don't want to say Nazis, because The GLIBERAL pulled that trick on the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL HERR DOKTOR ASHHHHHHHHHHHHCRRRRRRRRROFT, and any time you disagree with somebody politically the easiest way out is to call him a Nazi, and I'm calling Mike by the name of a notorious Nazi documentarian, so I'll stop calling him Lenny Riefen$tahl and just say The Gliberal's fellow gliberal had a stroke recently -- against other gliberals.
There are some CRACKS in the UNITED FRONT on the way to a NEW AMERICA.
There are some CRACKS in the UNITED FRONT on the way to a NEW AMERICA.
Isn't it time, O RARE PUBLIC MOUSE IN A HOLE, to finish off the fantasy that THE GLIBERAL is writing an ARTS column, and just give him the whole Sunday Op-Ed page to practice his strokes?
Nice thing too -- for the first time we'll have a MUTUAL FUND in the WHITE HOUSE!
I thought liberals were supposed to be of THUH PEE-PUL.
I thought liberals were supposed to be of THUH PEE-PUL.
Meantime the shlumping Borfins across the isle decided to take the week off. It would be nice to have Thomas back in the White House, but as we'll well know from here until wherever it is news hacks go when they're dead freezes over, DIP! WILL BE MUCH BETTER.
I don't know how he'll make Iraq better, but that can wait until after you elect him.
I don't know how he'll make Iraq better, but that can wait until after you elect him.