THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, March 11, 2006
If we could wish one thing back it would be the Busby Berkeley musical. One of our favorite recordings is John McGlinn's superlative (and, sadly, long out of print) album of some immortal Harry Warren/Al Dubin songs, complete with Ray Heindorf's brilliant orchestrations, and every time we hear them we think, if only somebody could do those old films up anew with widescreen and DOLBY! And if a Peter Jackson could go to such idiotic lengths to recreate a lost New York merely to bludgeon the senseless masses for another tiresome CGI-sci-fi-fantasy tentpole, why couldn't he do it in the service of outstanding music? (Although we wouldn't want Jackson doing a musical; we suspect he's better at directing pixels than people.) Alas, such spectacle is meant for the old times, for Roxys and roadshows; and people immovably think the musical a GAY thing (WHY?!?!?), and the movie biz' last two guesses at musicals bombed (especially KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN's masterpiece). I wonder too if we understand Berkeley; his last Warners extravaganza was about seventy years ago, and we view him nowadays as an inspiration for Stan Freberg. But KERNGERSHWIN's stupid goosestep gag and the undiscriminating audience's hyena-bark of recognition show there might be a place again, however tenuous, for Busbyian surrealism, and for great songs getting a new life.
We've long wondered why the HACKS turn into a pile of mush over THE GREATEST WORK OF ART OF ALL TIME, and we think we've figured it out: It's their tony version of street cred. In other words, it's GANGSTA [C]RAP for the Ivy League set.
WHY KNIGHTRIDDER'S FOR SALE: Nearly two years ago I predicted the news biz would stumble and fall over itself seeking gimmicks to goose circulation, things like "graphical news stories, and graffiti-mural stories, and news raps, and pop stars as columnists." While we haven't seen such nightmares (yet) we're headed there. Today's Saturday/Sunday StinkyInky continues a recent tradition of turning its front page into a DayGlo-like come-on, with a plug for THE GREATEST WORK OF ART OF ALL TIME, and a big publicity photo to boost the plug taking up the whole top half of the page; below the fold a sports story with photo takes up two-thirds of the remaining space, and there's one news story to fill out the rest, the kind of freeze-dried affair that keeps for two weeks. Such a front-page yells its contempt at its readers. We know the IDIOTS at KR engage in such gimmicks because they know if they do REPORTING it chases the customers away (largely because the reporting is likely to be DEMOCRATS GOOD REPUBLICANS BAD stuff, but you don't tell the HACKS how to think when THEY tell YOU). So we run show-biz plugs and empty-calorie sports typing and chase them away. Either way, they lose. We hope McClatchy gets stuck with a giant goose egg on its ledgers.
Indeed we've noticed an emerging MO with the hacks, and it mirrors exactly what THE CONSPIRACY is doing to the movies: put out basest JUNK eighty percent of the time, and campaign for AWARDS the rest. (We think one reason run-of-the-mill news hackery stinks is that so many reporters and editors are engaged solely in non-stop reporting and campaigning for awards and their outfits thus lack the resources for anything else.) We see AWARD-WINNING STORIES as but parallels for the arthouse fodder the movie trade uses to justify its maggotry the rest of the year. But then these bizzes have so many parallels it's unfunny. Movie types are effete snobs; so are news hacks. Movie snobs think the public is stupid; so do news hacks. Movie snobs are knee-jerk liberals; so are news hacks. Movie snobs are trying to put themselves out of business. NUF SED.
Indeed we've noticed an emerging MO with the hacks, and it mirrors exactly what THE CONSPIRACY is doing to the movies: put out basest JUNK eighty percent of the time, and campaign for AWARDS the rest. (We think one reason run-of-the-mill news hackery stinks is that so many reporters and editors are engaged solely in non-stop reporting and campaigning for awards and their outfits thus lack the resources for anything else.) We see AWARD-WINNING STORIES as but parallels for the arthouse fodder the movie trade uses to justify its maggotry the rest of the year. But then these bizzes have so many parallels it's unfunny. Movie types are effete snobs; so are news hacks. Movie snobs think the public is stupid; so do news hacks. Movie snobs are knee-jerk liberals; so are news hacks. Movie snobs are trying to put themselves out of business. NUF SED.
The beautiful Anna Moffo has died. We must confess, however, we remember her because she was married to Robert Sarnoff, the General's son and the man who brought down RCA with his conglomeration schemes.
P. S.
He espoused the benefits of a "well-rounded schedule," but clearly practiced a policy of programming to majority tastes. Sarnoff insisted that competition for advertisers, audiences, and affiliate clearance would ensure that the networks would remain receptive to the multiple demands of the market. Ratings were the economic lifeblood of the medium; "high brow" interests would have to remain secondary to "mass appeal" shows in the NBC schedule. Critics who lamented the disappearance of "cultural" programming were elitist, he claimed. Neither the Federal Communications Commission nor Congress should interfere in network operations or establish program guidelines, according to Sarnoff, since this would encourage political maneuvering and obstruct market forces. More effective industry self-regulation and self-promotion, spear-headed by the networks, would ensure that recent broadcasting transgressions (symbolized by the quiz show scandals and debates over violence on television) would not reoccur.
THE FIRST GLIBERTARIAN!
P. S.
He espoused the benefits of a "well-rounded schedule," but clearly practiced a policy of programming to majority tastes. Sarnoff insisted that competition for advertisers, audiences, and affiliate clearance would ensure that the networks would remain receptive to the multiple demands of the market. Ratings were the economic lifeblood of the medium; "high brow" interests would have to remain secondary to "mass appeal" shows in the NBC schedule. Critics who lamented the disappearance of "cultural" programming were elitist, he claimed. Neither the Federal Communications Commission nor Congress should interfere in network operations or establish program guidelines, according to Sarnoff, since this would encourage political maneuvering and obstruct market forces. More effective industry self-regulation and self-promotion, spear-headed by the networks, would ensure that recent broadcasting transgressions (symbolized by the quiz show scandals and debates over violence on television) would not reoccur.
THE FIRST GLIBERTARIAN!
"[T]he Internet age didn't get here in 2004."
It got to our enemies much earlier. Meanwhile, down in Langley, they played acrostics.
It got to our enemies much earlier. Meanwhile, down in Langley, they played acrostics.
Looking at the latest B.O. (down again yesterday -- so far, so good) we wonder what the moviegoing S&M PHREAKS like. The answer seems to be sappy romantic comedies. We don't know why; perhaps because women like them, and women don't seem to realize most movies stink. We would guess most modern romantic comedies are similar -- make that prefabricated -- and their familiarity may comfort certain kinds of female viewers who want nothing more than cinematic bubble gum. (The men they drag to these flicks can't be pleased.) Other than those, and the one-weekend-wonder gorefests and the CGI DOLBY specials that draw stupid teens, we can't think of anything, and that's because THE CONSPIRACY can't think of anything, and that's because THE CONSPIRACY can't think.
We see too ESPNCORP FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT's latest is playing dead. We can pinpoint exactly when that outfit was mortally wounded: the day Bill Bennett walked into a Congressional hearing to play an excerpt from one of the Scream masterworks, and blasted ESPNCORP for making R movies. None of MICKEYMOUSE NIXON's clever polishing could wipe the stain away; and with rare exceptions the company's "family" movies have not done that well since (the exceptions including CGI LEWIS, which wasn't made by ESPNCORP, and the DRECKHEIMER's movie based on its theme-park attraction, which wasn't a family movie). The resulting bad PR may also have been at the root of MICKEYMOUSE's desire to boot the WHINER BROTHERS, who made the flicks; ESPNCORP's forfeiture of its audience was certainly behind Uncle Walt Jr.'s proxy fight. If Ub Iger thinks he can buy an audience with Steve's Animation Factory, he has another think coming.
We see too ESPNCORP FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT's latest is playing dead. We can pinpoint exactly when that outfit was mortally wounded: the day Bill Bennett walked into a Congressional hearing to play an excerpt from one of the Scream masterworks, and blasted ESPNCORP for making R movies. None of MICKEYMOUSE NIXON's clever polishing could wipe the stain away; and with rare exceptions the company's "family" movies have not done that well since (the exceptions including CGI LEWIS, which wasn't made by ESPNCORP, and the DRECKHEIMER's movie based on its theme-park attraction, which wasn't a family movie). The resulting bad PR may also have been at the root of MICKEYMOUSE's desire to boot the WHINER BROTHERS, who made the flicks; ESPNCORP's forfeiture of its audience was certainly behind Uncle Walt Jr.'s proxy fight. If Ub Iger thinks he can buy an audience with Steve's Animation Factory, he has another think coming.
COMIC NOVELS [John J. Miller]
Roger Kimball's five favorites. My list probably would be topped by Thank You for Smoking by Christopher Buckley or The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams.
Posted at 07:04 AM
Loud slurping sounds again emanate from THE CORNER, a comic novel in itself.
Roger Kimball's five favorites. My list probably would be topped by Thank You for Smoking by Christopher Buckley or The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams.
Posted at 07:04 AM
Loud slurping sounds again emanate from THE CORNER, a comic novel in itself.
Judge Tells Man to Stay Away From Ronstadt
As she gave us "Blue Bayou" and "What's New?" that's a good idea for all of us.
As she gave us "Blue Bayou" and "What's New?" that's a good idea for all of us.
The rate of friendly fire deaths for soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan is substantially lower than in other major military conflicts, a decline that Army officials attribute to better training and high-tech equipment.
Shucks, I guess this means our guys know what they're shooting at.
It becomes ever harder to paint our military as EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL, though the HACKS will never stop trying.
Shucks, I guess this means our guys know what they're shooting at.
It becomes ever harder to paint our military as EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL, though the HACKS will never stop trying.
Quin Hillyer (whoever he is) is FLABBERGASTED:
I had a lengthy meeting yesterday with Sen. Jeff Sessions of Alabama, a true conservative gentleman, and he had some very interesting things to say. First, he quoted New Mexico's Sen. Pete Domenici asking this (supposedly a word for word quote that Sessions jotted down): "If the Democratic proposals all were passd, how much would it add to discretionary spending and mandatory spending, and for tax increases?" Domenici's answer, according to Sessions: $16.3 billion in added discretionary spending, $125 billion in additional 'mandatory' (entitlement) spending over five years, and tax increases of $125 billion.
(Quin commenting now:) Wow. Tax and tax, spend and spend. The GOP in Congress has been just awful for many years on spending, but only if you don't consider the alternative. No wonder nobody trusts the Dems in Congress with the public fisc!
In other words Quin, but for the grace of God there'd be MORE taxing and spending. With defenders like you who needs Republicans?
I had a lengthy meeting yesterday with Sen. Jeff Sessions of Alabama, a true conservative gentleman, and he had some very interesting things to say. First, he quoted New Mexico's Sen. Pete Domenici asking this (supposedly a word for word quote that Sessions jotted down): "If the Democratic proposals all were passd, how much would it add to discretionary spending and mandatory spending, and for tax increases?" Domenici's answer, according to Sessions: $16.3 billion in added discretionary spending, $125 billion in additional 'mandatory' (entitlement) spending over five years, and tax increases of $125 billion.
(Quin commenting now:) Wow. Tax and tax, spend and spend. The GOP in Congress has been just awful for many years on spending, but only if you don't consider the alternative. No wonder nobody trusts the Dems in Congress with the public fisc!
In other words Quin, but for the grace of God there'd be MORE taxing and spending. With defenders like you who needs Republicans?
The former ad-blurbist for Stale.com reviews a TV show about Red-Country high school cheerleaders, and gets a little -- giggly, as if she were scanning peculiar bacteria under a microscope. THE PAPER OF RE-CORD and Red Country may as well be in two different galaxies, which is just as well, as the Lord God Pinch is Himself from another planet.
And if, as the former ad-blurbist from Stale.com says, these cheerleaders spend a bit too much time on their hobby (as we might expect given Red Country spends a bit too much time on college football), we would note that writers at THE PAPER OF RE-CORD spend a bit too much time telling THE TRUTH.
And if, as the former ad-blurbist from Stale.com says, these cheerleaders spend a bit too much time on their hobby (as we might expect given Red Country spends a bit too much time on college football), we would note that writers at THE PAPER OF RE-CORD spend a bit too much time telling THE TRUTH.
Typical League of Nations justice: it took so long for it to try Slobodan Milosevic he died in his cell before any verdict. Why did it take four years for the League to discern the obvious?
One suspects if it had run the Nuremberg trials we'd still be awaiting a verdict.
One suspects if it had run the Nuremberg trials we'd still be awaiting a verdict.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Dubya loses his interior secretary, and no one cares.
If half the federal government suddenly retired the public might evince the same ho-hum. Hint hint?
If half the federal government suddenly retired the public might evince the same ho-hum. Hint hint?
And speaking of SAMMY GLICKMAN, more GENIUS from his CONSPIRACY:
Mostly [The Shaggy Dog] an excuse for Allen to mug like a dog - running on all fours, chasing Frisbees and sticks, growling, and letting his tongue hang out.
Most creepily, Dave lifts his leg when he relieves himself....
"The Shaggy Dog" is the kind of dubious "entertainment" that is killing the idea of going out to the movies for many families.
First THE CONSPIRACY separated good taste from art. Then it separated quality from mass appeal. It is more than time for us to separate our money from its paws.
Mostly [The Shaggy Dog] an excuse for Allen to mug like a dog - running on all fours, chasing Frisbees and sticks, growling, and letting his tongue hang out.
Most creepily, Dave lifts his leg when he relieves himself....
"The Shaggy Dog" is the kind of dubious "entertainment" that is killing the idea of going out to the movies for many families.
First THE CONSPIRACY separated good taste from art. Then it separated quality from mass appeal. It is more than time for us to separate our money from its paws.
Today taking a detour home to get some groceries I passed, as I often do, a once apartment building (now some sort of social-services agency) where Lady Day lived, and the his-TOR-ical marker in front mentioned "Strange Fruit." This well-meaning placard was undoubtedly written by someone who knew not a thing about jazz, but had to be carefully taught. The problem is the Lady sang so much inferior stuff foisted on her by producers and song-pluggers, and had such a persecution complex to go with it, that she was inevitably drawn to the pretentious wuhhhks like "God Bless the Child" that define her; but then as a producer of countless Columbia CD reissues has written in his liner notes, at some point she stopped singing songs and started "interpreting" them, and that lay slow waste to her just as sure as that toxic stew of drugs. But the Lady had heart and soul in spades, and even those third-rate songs have an eloquence, if only because she and Teddy Wilson and Prez and Roy Eldridge and her company made the first rate feel like a lowly second.
I wonder what Billie would think of [C]RAP. It is dangerous to place thoughts in the minds of dead folks we revere (the aggressively two-faced Thomas Jefferson shows that), but the Lady was BLUNT, and I would like to think she could have hurled a few choice epithets at [C]RAPPERS, starting with terms like "Stepin Fetchits" and "minstrels" and "thugs" and ascending from there.
I wonder what Billie would think of [C]RAP. It is dangerous to place thoughts in the minds of dead folks we revere (the aggressively two-faced Thomas Jefferson shows that), but the Lady was BLUNT, and I would like to think she could have hurled a few choice epithets at [C]RAPPERS, starting with terms like "Stepin Fetchits" and "minstrels" and "thugs" and ascending from there.
Larry and Sergey's BLOG DISSERVICE had another one of its immortal slowdowns today, thus no posts since this morning. Three months ago I'd have been angry, and firing away at their automated form e-mail service, but with the boys' 140-point comeuppance (or rather comedownance) I am merely -- weary.
THE CONSPIRACY saw its attendance DOWN NINE PERCENT LAST YEAR -- roughly the same as the OS-CAR® DECLINE!
But not to worry; Sammy Glickman says, "PEOPLE LOVE MOVIES BETTER THAN EVER! AND WE HAVE A RIGGED SURVEY TO PROVE IT!!!"
But not to worry; Sammy Glickman says, "PEOPLE LOVE MOVIES BETTER THAN EVER! AND WE HAVE A RIGGED SURVEY TO PROVE IT!!!"
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Now Forbes.com conjectures DP World is merely passing its assets on to a corporation with U. S. management, but still owned by DP World.
At this point, we'll let it slide. God knows how many companies we'd have to kick out of here because they or their forerunners did something unpleasant. We don't like Kissingerism, but we're on quicksand as it is with Arabs.
At this point, we'll let it slide. God knows how many companies we'd have to kick out of here because they or their forerunners did something unpleasant. We don't like Kissingerism, but we're on quicksand as it is with Arabs.
G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE has a word processor.
WhoopEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
(Via IWantMedia.com, which said the company was still negotiating)
WhoopEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
(Via IWantMedia.com, which said the company was still negotiating)
We need TNR to tell us PAPER OF RE-CORD COLYUMNISTS can be PREDICTABLE?
[W]hile it can take years for the punishing, twice-weekly schedule to render most Times columnists unreadable, Tierney has managed the feat in a matter of months.
We suspect the rot sets in on the first day.
(Via the usual Romy)
[W]hile it can take years for the punishing, twice-weekly schedule to render most Times columnists unreadable, Tierney has managed the feat in a matter of months.
We suspect the rot sets in on the first day.
(Via the usual Romy)
We'd estimate on what John The Right-Wing Knee-Jerk Liberal Stossel makes he could pay for dozens of good teachers.
(Via MediaBistro)
(Via MediaBistro)
COURAGE:
South Dakota's Top Paper Refuses To Editorialize On Abortion Ban
We can guess why: if we took the correct and reasoned decision that would make people think we're even loonier leftists. On the other hand in the unlikely event we were for it...it probably wouldn't matter as most people wouldn't care.
Why are NEWS HACKS suddenly afraid to voice opinions? Because they know deep down inside that when they do they'll voice the same opinions as everyone else? Combine this with the proud antics during the cartoon riots and the HACKS are more marshmallow than ever.
South Dakota's Top Paper Refuses To Editorialize On Abortion Ban
We can guess why: if we took the correct and reasoned decision that would make people think we're even loonier leftists. On the other hand in the unlikely event we were for it...it probably wouldn't matter as most people wouldn't care.
Why are NEWS HACKS suddenly afraid to voice opinions? Because they know deep down inside that when they do they'll voice the same opinions as everyone else? Combine this with the proud antics during the cartoon riots and the HACKS are more marshmallow than ever.
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! WE WINNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!
We probably shouldn't have located a prison in Saddam's dungeon in the first place, but every last NEWS HACK will eruct till his/her/its DYING DAY that what WE did was far more EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL.
We probably shouldn't have located a prison in Saddam's dungeon in the first place, but every last NEWS HACK will eruct till his/her/its DYING DAY that what WE did was far more EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL.
See? We were right about the death toll in Iraq! We were RIGHT about it! RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT!!!!!
Unfortunately for the WaPost no matter how "truthful" the stats they're now sharing territory with lies and damned lies.
Unfortunately for the WaPost no matter how "truthful" the stats they're now sharing territory with lies and damned lies.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
It's a crime in California to urinate in a public place, a state appeals court ruled today.
Shucks, there's the one thing that makes Frisco great!
Shucks, there's the one thing that makes Frisco great!
The AmSpec blog offers the Contract with America Redux. The proposals are bracing; but in their midsts repeats a haunting refrain:
A similar proposal was included in the original budget resolution (H.Con.Res. 67) passed by the House of Representatives in 1995.
Much has intervened between Newt and now, like the RED-STATE SCORPION; and for most Republicans living corruptly off the people is their highest priority, as with the Democrats before them.
A similar proposal was included in the original budget resolution (H.Con.Res. 67) passed by the House of Representatives in 1995.
Much has intervened between Newt and now, like the RED-STATE SCORPION; and for most Republicans living corruptly off the people is their highest priority, as with the Democrats before them.
"I chose my camera as a weapon against all the things I dislike about America--poverty, racism, discrimination."
And that's why I made a blaxploitation movie.
And that's why I made a blaxploitation movie.
The more we hear of our intrepid Homeland boys capturing accidentally marauding drunks at airports the less we believe they're intercepting terrorists.
By the way, how's our investigation of our heroic act in Miami going? Or can we make that a state secret too?
By the way, how's our investigation of our heroic act in Miami going? Or can we make that a state secret too?
WHY BIGMEDIA SMELLS: It goes chucklechucklechuckle and HARDY HAR HAR about behavior that STICKS IT TO RED COUNTRY, then it puts on its dour ST. EDWARD OF MURROW face and says THOU SHALT NOT DO IT.
We know Yahoo! is a news aggregator, but it IS bigmedia, and it's run by an ex-TWXSTER, and its home-page news hed anthology is the definer of CW.
We know Yahoo! is a news aggregator, but it IS bigmedia, and it's run by an ex-TWXSTER, and its home-page news hed anthology is the definer of CW.
You know a story is NOT worth reading when it includes:
...Robert Thompson, director of The Center for the Study of Popular Television at Syracuse University....
You guys keep saying you want to do serious news. So why do you cite this QUOTE MACHINE 100,000 TIMES A YEAR?
...Robert Thompson, director of The Center for the Study of Popular Television at Syracuse University....
You guys keep saying you want to do serious news. So why do you cite this QUOTE MACHINE 100,000 TIMES A YEAR?
Perhaps we were too quick on the draw yesterday about Bill Thomas: one great virtue is that he does take his job seriously enough that we doubt he would appear on COMEDY CENTRAL NEWS NETWORK.
Which goes to show you CAN get killed standing between a Congresspoop and a TV camera.
Which goes to show you CAN get killed standing between a Congresspoop and a TV camera.
I suppose calling Prosecution of EEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL: The Righteous Crusade Against Tom DeLay a "supposedly balanced movie" counts as progress in Pinch's maze-like world, but had conservatives done something like this THE PAPER OF RE-CORD would have a) ignored or b) reviled them. Of course His Holiness won't feel another round of ammo aimed at His foot as Snidely Whiplash is not exactly as saintly as, oh, St. Warren.
Dick DeGuerin, DeLay's attorney, said the film offers little in the way of balance.
"I think it's about as fair and balanced as Michael Moore's stuff or Fox News," he said.
OooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooh, the true believers are going to GET you!
Dick DeGuerin, DeLay's attorney, said the film offers little in the way of balance.
"I think it's about as fair and balanced as Michael Moore's stuff or Fox News," he said.
OooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooh, the true believers are going to GET you!
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
If our age has a word, it's asinine. We just got through an epochal debate over which of five mediocrities would win a pile of base metal at a spectacle where would-be sex objects wore designer beanbags, and an equally epochal debate over how many would watch it. We just had riots over cartoons. The president of Iran is auditioning for a revival of The Gong Show. The president of Venezuela is auditioning as a sidekick for a certain drunk morning talk-show host. A certain drunk morning talk-show host caused a constitutional crisis among NEWS HACKS when a certain megalomaniacal news reciter went on his air "drunk." All of these are asinine, and more. We have asinine Democratic "leaders" uttering stupidities at the top of their lungs and basking in the face time. Most pundits and bloggers are asinine. The regulars at The Corner DEFINE asinine. The whole age is asinine.
Happily, not everyone wishes to be asinine. Take our president. He is not asinine. What he is, however, is something else. He is our president. So was Washington. So was Lincoln. So was FDR. He could not stand in a room with any of them without having to rush out, his tail between his legs. Midst the Founding Fathers he'd be honored to be a bootblack. "LACKEY!" the impatient Founders would yell at him, as he messed up their papers. Con-SER-va-tives will scream, "He's an MBA from Harvard!!" To which one could note, 1. Since when has learning buzzwords been a virtue? and 2. What did Bill "Mr. Bach B-Minor Mass" Buckley say about that skool? No, in an asinine age, he is beyond asinine. And in that we have the leader we deserve.
Happily, not everyone wishes to be asinine. Take our president. He is not asinine. What he is, however, is something else. He is our president. So was Washington. So was Lincoln. So was FDR. He could not stand in a room with any of them without having to rush out, his tail between his legs. Midst the Founding Fathers he'd be honored to be a bootblack. "LACKEY!" the impatient Founders would yell at him, as he messed up their papers. Con-SER-va-tives will scream, "He's an MBA from Harvard!!" To which one could note, 1. Since when has learning buzzwords been a virtue? and 2. What did Bill "Mr. Bach B-Minor Mass" Buckley say about that skool? No, in an asinine age, he is beyond asinine. And in that we have the leader we deserve.
Meanwhile, did you know that a 30-second commercial on the Academy Awards reportedly cost $1.7 million while a commercial on "Idol" this season, according to news reports, has been put in the $650,000-$700,000 range?
Shhhhhhh! If you tell that to THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS, they'll KNOW SOMETHING!
Shhhhhhh! If you tell that to THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS, they'll KNOW SOMETHING!
SIX OF ONE: Yes, I've noticed too how NEWS HACKS are painting Tom Monaghan's planned city as EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL, so how does Dow 36,000 come to the rescue? By saying it promotes SPRAWL -- and SPRAWL is GOOD.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!
Bill Thomas, "the powerful chairman of the Ways and Means Committee" and a neat Paul Lynde impersonator without a sense of humor, is quitting the House -- and the WaPost writes his epitaph:
Thomas is likely to retire without one marquee law that is seen as his masterwork.
Shucks, all that bullying and tantrum throwing and he can't point to a landmark law? Well, everyone's saying what a brilliant legislator he was, meaning with any justice he, too, will be forgotten with the rest, though given the Medicare Drug Boondoggle Act that may take a while.
Thomas is likely to retire without one marquee law that is seen as his masterwork.
Shucks, all that bullying and tantrum throwing and he can't point to a landmark law? Well, everyone's saying what a brilliant legislator he was, meaning with any justice he, too, will be forgotten with the rest, though given the Medicare Drug Boondoggle Act that may take a while.
Monday, March 06, 2006
A BRILLIANT suggestion from AmSpec: Jack Nicklaus for the Senate. Please! Don't we have enough Potemkin leaders?
Oscar® ratings down TEN PERCENT from last year!
Not the lowest, but we're getting there!
ESPNCORP SPINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN:
[ESPNCORP NETWORK] noted that the Jon Stewart-hosted show had improved its 18-34 demo performance by 5% over last year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whenever ESPNCORP does a big TV show its 20,000-strong PR department is out within minutes the event ends to tell us 10 billion people watched it. If our government had cleaned up after Katrina as fast as ESPNCORP spins the ratings Nawlans would have a population of 3 million.
Not the lowest, but we're getting there!
ESPNCORP SPINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN:
[ESPNCORP NETWORK] noted that the Jon Stewart-hosted show had improved its 18-34 demo performance by 5% over last year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whenever ESPNCORP does a big TV show its 20,000-strong PR department is out within minutes the event ends to tell us 10 billion people watched it. If our government had cleaned up after Katrina as fast as ESPNCORP spins the ratings Nawlans would have a population of 3 million.
OH oh, MORE reaction from the NEW NINE FINGERS: The Solomon Amendment is CONSTITUTIONAL.
UNANIMOUSLY.
UNANIMOUSLY.
We suspected ED MURROW would bomb, but here we have some sympathy for him as he did so before the world's most DENSE audience.
Where would Gil of the thankless task find a new emcee? Although he could do worse than to field this suggestion: that the Os-CARS® stop going in for jokes and just present themselves STRAIGHT.
Then again maybe he wasn't that good to begin with. "Smug humorlessness"!
Where would Gil of the thankless task find a new emcee? Although he could do worse than to field this suggestion: that the Os-CARS® stop going in for jokes and just present themselves STRAIGHT.
Then again maybe he wasn't that good to begin with. "Smug humorlessness"!
A loaded hed:
Enron's infamous ex-CFO set to testify
We might agree that he is at least notorious; but we say a "news" organization founded by the Mouth and that can say "CNN is not showing the negative caricatures of the likeness of the Prophet Mohammed because the network believes its role is to cover the events surrounding the publication of the cartoons while not unnecessarily adding fuel to the controversy itself" should probably not be using words like infamous.
Enron's infamous ex-CFO set to testify
We might agree that he is at least notorious; but we say a "news" organization founded by the Mouth and that can say "CNN is not showing the negative caricatures of the likeness of the Prophet Mohammed because the network believes its role is to cover the events surrounding the publication of the cartoons while not unnecessarily adding fuel to the controversy itself" should probably not be using words like infamous.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
I guess the Academy® didn't want to swallow that hard.
This year's august ceremony must have been an all-time dud.
This year's august ceremony must have been an all-time dud.
I'd never thought anyone would make Moronna Dargis look good, but here's The Mogul's Friend, who seems to have taken Robert "Over the" Hilburn's place as the LALATimes's most fatuous writer, flailing madly that the reason the beloved Os-CARS® and other big events are dying is because of Maj. Bowes and hypersexed on-line teens. (Or, to translate, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
In fact the public has abandoned BIGMEDIA's ship for several decades; but by making it appear it's only been the last several years The Mogul's Friend can take the heat off the people who are largely to blame for all those viewers swimming away from that sinking ship -- his industry buddies. Even Moronna had to swallow hard and admit, in the end, the public is not THAT stupid. But some know-it-all colyumnists may be.
In fact the public has abandoned BIGMEDIA's ship for several decades; but by making it appear it's only been the last several years The Mogul's Friend can take the heat off the people who are largely to blame for all those viewers swimming away from that sinking ship -- his industry buddies. Even Moronna had to swallow hard and admit, in the end, the public is not THAT stupid. But some know-it-all colyumnists may be.
The last thing I want to do as a critic is become part of Hollywood's publicity machine, but once I've discovered a movie I care about, I'm glad to be able to support it.
That sense of discovery can be thrilling. The first time I experienced it as a critic -- as a very young and inexperienced second-string critic for the New York Herald Tribune in the early 1960s....
So let's see: Joe started reviewing when he was in his early twenties, straight from the usual Ivy League thinkatorium, no doubt. That means he was born circa 1940, or possibly earlier, and has been reviewing for about forty-five years. And the paper he started with went out of business in 1967.
When an ad-blurbist has been copywriting for forty-five years we wonder how he can have any sense period. And this guy admits getting a little giddy seeing his name above the title. Movie ad-blurbists are a big reason movies stink, and a big reason ad-blurbists stink is that many of them have written for forty-five years.
That sense of discovery can be thrilling. The first time I experienced it as a critic -- as a very young and inexperienced second-string critic for the New York Herald Tribune in the early 1960s....
So let's see: Joe started reviewing when he was in his early twenties, straight from the usual Ivy League thinkatorium, no doubt. That means he was born circa 1940, or possibly earlier, and has been reviewing for about forty-five years. And the paper he started with went out of business in 1967.
When an ad-blurbist has been copywriting for forty-five years we wonder how he can have any sense period. And this guy admits getting a little giddy seeing his name above the title. Movie ad-blurbists are a big reason movies stink, and a big reason ad-blurbists stink is that many of them have written for forty-five years.
Cruise and Holmes named "most tiresome"
They'll have competition tonight.
P. S. Hey Jerry "Sieg Heil" Yang and Terry "Mr. Show Biz" Semel! Why are you pulling this hard-on-the-eyes white-on-black routine? Even Andy S. abandoned it.
They'll have competition tonight.
P. S. Hey Jerry "Sieg Heil" Yang and Terry "Mr. Show Biz" Semel! Why are you pulling this hard-on-the-eyes white-on-black routine? Even Andy S. abandoned it.
The grand royal head of the British Vicarage and Tea-Time Club brews it up extra-strong:
Williams said he had "no time for terrorism" and "no brief for Muslim extremism."
BUT....
Williams said he had "no time for terrorism" and "no brief for Muslim extremism."
BUT....
When we say someone in SHOW-BIZ is "personally adored and professionally admired", we're saying, "YOU GOT A JOB?"
And here's how it ran in DA POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
Personally adored and professionally admired, Snider's departure....
It figures we'd try to toady to somebody with a grammatical non-sequitur.
This is the ENTERTAINMENT MAFIA, not CLARA BARTON.
And here's how it ran in DA POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
Personally adored and professionally admired, Snider's departure....
It figures we'd try to toady to somebody with a grammatical non-sequitur.
This is the ENTERTAINMENT MAFIA, not CLARA BARTON.
White House Trains Efforts on Media Leaks
GASP! Who will tell THE TRUTH now?
We think you guys will find the usual morale-sapping way.
GASP! Who will tell THE TRUTH now?
We think you guys will find the usual morale-sapping way.
CNN is not showing the negative caricatures of the likeness of the Prophet Mohammed because the network believes its role is to cover the events surrounding the publication of the cartoons while not unnecessarily adding fuel to the controversy itself.
That evil old cartoon's back in the news.
Yesterday we were musing, the fifth anniversary of 9/11 comes up in six months. How will the hacks report it? Will they make it as inoffensive as possible? Will they turn it into an accident, or a natural disaster? Will we see miles of yellow ribbons and flowers popping up all over, and not even one flag? Given how these cretinous cowards hid under their desks lately, and there's precious little sign they've come out, we think we know the answer.
P. S. The disclaimer's gone, but its insidious influence lives on.
That evil old cartoon's back in the news.
Yesterday we were musing, the fifth anniversary of 9/11 comes up in six months. How will the hacks report it? Will they make it as inoffensive as possible? Will they turn it into an accident, or a natural disaster? Will we see miles of yellow ribbons and flowers popping up all over, and not even one flag? Given how these cretinous cowards hid under their desks lately, and there's precious little sign they've come out, we think we know the answer.
P. S. The disclaimer's gone, but its insidious influence lives on.
Another exzzzzzzciting week for the newsrags: nutrition and "Early Man in America."
The rags can see the writing on the wall, or rather the sales at the newsstands (or lack thereof). It is hard to believe these masterworks of condescension would ever pay heed to their readers; they've never done that, so why start now? But possibly even they've come to the point (if they'll never admit it, or change their MO) that they can sense their readers may FINALLY be tired of the usual spins and plugs, and they'd like something more respectful of their intelligence. The problem is their circulation blues won't be solved with service features or history. The newsrags, at their best, have had excellent reporting and writing. It's been a long time since they've been at their best.
The rags can see the writing on the wall, or rather the sales at the newsstands (or lack thereof). It is hard to believe these masterworks of condescension would ever pay heed to their readers; they've never done that, so why start now? But possibly even they've come to the point (if they'll never admit it, or change their MO) that they can sense their readers may FINALLY be tired of the usual spins and plugs, and they'd like something more respectful of their intelligence. The problem is their circulation blues won't be solved with service features or history. The newsrags, at their best, have had excellent reporting and writing. It's been a long time since they've been at their best.