Eugene David<br>...The One-Minute Pundit

And SPEAKING of lgf, it seems odd this is "now playing" on his site, given that he's a pop-music guy (and as most bloggers seem to share the same affliction as music execs), and given that these two were COMMIES. Well, as Terry Teachout might say, they were both fools -- and great musicians. We'll leave it at that for now.

Posted 6:23 PM by Gene

First, MUNICH; next -- ZE WORRRRRRRRRRRRLD!!!!!

Posted 6:12 PM by Gene

Come ON, GLIBERAL! We're waiting for you to reaffirm that sacred belief of NEWS HACKS: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

PROF GETS EXCITED that BILL the BUG MAN might BLOG. Here's the KICKER:

Gates also has a stable of writers and communications specialists who help produce material. It's unclear whether they would help keep his blog going.

In short, it would probably be just another corporate outlet. It would also raise the question of who REALLY writes OUR MOST POPULAR BLOGS. This PR stunt won't fly.

Posted 4:57 PM by Gene

Hmmm, how comforting to know your doctor prescribed that drug because the drug company's check was in the mail.

Posted 4:45 PM by Gene

Speaking of high (or rather low) finance, THE PAPER OF RECORD was clearly trying to elicit a confession from Enron Ken that BUSH DID IT. (Clearly you don't speak to THE PAPER OF RECORD unless it's MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL.) In the end, it wasn't coming; and try though he might to LAY the blame on OTHERS -- scapegoating IS the American way -- Enron Ken should only LAY it on HIMSELF.

Posted 4:44 PM by Gene

WHEN IS A LOT OF MONEY IN POLITICS NOT CORRUPTION?

WHEN YOUR CANDIDATE HAS THE MONEY!!!!!

Posted 2:15 PM by Gene

On Friday, Democrats and Republicans went to war over a new Bush reelection campaign ad that uses images of Adolph Hitler in bashing Democrat John Kerry.

Record Low Turnout in Presidential Race [tomorrow's headline]

Posted 2:08 PM by Gene

Israel Kills Al - Aqsa Martyrs Brigades W.Bank Leader

Hey ALLAH!! I need 72 more of them ugly virgins!

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

STEPPING squarely into the high-stakes game of chicken that is reality TV....

Sure you didn't mean chickens?

Posted 1:21 PM by Gene

"Nobody is better equipped to show people how to fleece the taxpayers into building them a new stadium than Allan H. [Bud] Selig. He could write a textbook on how he committed the taxpayers of Wisconsin to build a stadium at no cost whatsoever to the Seligs."

I guess you were right, George "MY BUSINESS IS MY BUSINESS" Will; Bud IS Einstein.

Posted 1:10 PM by Gene

I've no doubt our NATIONAL FEE COLLECTORS do their best to shaft lower-income turni -- CUSTOMERS; the problem is LENNY RIEFEN$TAHL'S GANG is on their side, which means con-SER-vatives trot out their old social-Darwinism and FREE ENTERPRISE excuses, which means -- people love politics more than ever.

Posted 1:00 PM by Gene

It IS, of course, only a matter of time before LENNY RIEFEN$TAHL's boffo first day becomes hundreds of thousands of articles saying WE'RE BACK!!!!! Just a matter of time -- and a few other scandal sheets.

Posted 12:45 PM by Gene

Palestinian President Yasser Arafat has told foreign diplomats he was committed to a truce during the August Olympics in Greece.

Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!

The Palestinian Authority is sending a swimmer and a runner to the Olympic games.

And no one in the SHOOTING competitions? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 11:19 AM by Gene

An small Idaho-based PC maker has turned the public backlash against outsourcing U.S. jobs into an unusual marketing campaign, urging customers to "Buy MPC, Support America."

And when it grows big enough it too can "outsource" jobs. That's usually what happens.

Posted 7:00 AM by Gene

Interactive: Take our quiz
Test your knowledge of the "Lou Dobbs Tonight" show

Let's see: Lou is fat; he speaks in a baritone (though he probably can't sing); he makes a lot of money; he works at the center of the universe; he's a Republican; he cozies up to CEOs; he's had lots of conflicts of interest; he has a temper; and he thinks we export too many jobs. There! That's my knowledge! What else do I have to know?

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

Now It's Kerry's Turn to Have Divorce Records Unsealed

Just THE SOURCE says we'll never hear of this again.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

More than 60 million years after the triceratops dinosaur roamed what is now Montana, its horn went to 6-year-old Eamon Rush for $550 at a Park Avenue auction.

The horn, one of hundreds of parts of prehistoric creatures being sold Thursday, could be as old as “100 million thousand billion centuries!” Eamon said after he made the winning bid.

I don't know -- with that kind of talk the six-year-old's on his way to being a SUPERBLOGGER.

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

First the ASSOCIATION OF TONE-DEAF RECORD PRODUCERS price-fixed. Now it's dumping inventory on our schools. Really I think it should go back to price fixing.

Come to think of it, it already is.

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

Proof the bell curve will always have a lower half.

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

Residents of Fallujah say foreign insurgents have banned drinking and music, imposed their own courts to enforce strict Islamic law and killed more than a dozen people suspected of collaborating with U.S. forces.

I'm sure we'd like this ALL OVER IRAQ, huh P. R. MIKE? TERRY? AL? MSSSSSSSSSS. PELOSI?

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

I'm getting as tired of hearing P. R. MIKE BLOVIATE as I got of hearing P. R. MEL PRAY.

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

Chaucer...Rabelais...BALLLLLLLLLZAC!!!!!

Clinton?

Hey Larry! You sure them purdy words ain't gonna prevent thayousands of them autographed doorstops from landin' in yeour bookstore eiyn TEX-ASS?

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

Civility drops to a low point in X-rated Congress

TRANSLATION: They're doing in public what for decades they've done in PRIVATE.

Posted 3:42 PM by Gene

Six of one...

A new series of whimsical public service announcements from the Environmental Protection Agency are lampooning the notion that cars can be made more energy efficient while the ads encourage conservation at home.

...half-a-dozen of the other....

Indeed, as the E.P.A. says, energy use at home can cause twice the emissions of a single car. But most families have more than one car and emit roughly the same amount of global warming gases in their vehicles as in their homes, said David Friedman, senior policy analyst at the [DO NOT FILL IN THE BLANK WITH A ONE-WORD ADJECTIVE DESCRIBING THE ORGANIZATION'S POLITICS!!!!!] Union of Concerned Scientists, an environmental research and advocacy group.

OR:

The Union of Concerned Scientists, a liberal advocacy group based in Cambridge, Mass....

THIS FROM A LIBERAL POLITICAL ACTION GROUP.

Posted 10:40 AM by Gene

Iraqis, Seeking Foes of Saudis, Contacted bin Laden, File Says

Wait wait WAIT A SECOND -- Iraq had NOTHING to do with OSAMA!!!!! THE PAPER OF RECORD'S PRINTING THIS?!?!? There MUST be an ulterior motive.

Posted 10:37 AM by Gene

Another rapper makes a BRILLIANT career move.

Posted 6:55 AM by Gene

Jeopardy was just another game show until the GET A LIFE! crowd was born, and then it became an obsession that underlined the crowd's essential meaninglessness.

And we can safely ignore any article that quotes THE PERFESSER OF BAD TV.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

Psssssst!!!!! Talking points -- TALKING POINTS, guys -- he's leaning toward the CENTER!!!!! The rest of the campaign -- THE CENTER!!!!!

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

Recently some news hack (I wish I could place the source) denied there was any longer a "summer season" -- that is to say, a SILLY SEASON.

I think some of his colleagues are proving him wrong.

Posted 6:24 AM by Gene

BYLINE OF THE WEEK:

‘Fahrenheit 9/11’ scores with critics

By By

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

Another story shows that the only way to make big money on the Web is by getting in at eBay at ground-level.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

SUBHED OF THE WEEK:

Why does every movie trailer end with a conk on the head?

Because every MOVIE is a conk on the head.

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

75 cents will also get you MORE SLANTED POLLS along with that cup of coffee.

And OF COURSE guess who greeted me when I clicked on to this story in one of USAOKAY.com's full-screen annoyances? SPIDEY!!!!!

I'd like to spin an IMPERVIOUS WEB around GanNETt's every last HONOR BOX.

OR:

"THERE IS NO CIRCULATION SCANDAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

Here are two national best-seller lists, and even without the DOORSTOP they do our nation no credit.

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

I'm surprised those Iraqi "insurgents" haven't unleashed a wave of QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That says either 1. NEWS HACKS have already said "Mission Accomplished" or 2. Home-grown QUAGMIRE doesn't count.

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

The Center for Media and Public Affairs (sighhhhhhhhhhhh) says LEGACY'S DOORSTOP has revived the lame late-night-TV political joke.

Will wonders never cease?

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

That THE CONSPIRACY is considering a school superintendent to replace DR. EVIL means his successor may well be very pliable.

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

Well look who's supporting DIP! A BLAST FROM THE PAST! Lee must be supporting him because GUESS WHO BAILED OUT CHRYSLER.

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

NEWS HACKS are supposing DIPPITY-DO! will run America with a Democratic Congress. But what if he doesn't? What if an excessively partisan DIP locks horns with an excessively partisan Republican Congress? Of course NEWS HACKS wouldn't EVER think of THAT. They don't get paid their big salaries to THINK.

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

$52,000 for 92 million screen names.

Even TIME WARNER did better.

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

Douglas McCorkindale, chief executive of USA TODAY [SIC] parent Gannett, said the story is being ''blown out of proportion'' by the media. ''There is no circulation scandal,'' McCorkindale said.

TRANSLATION: You're mad because you're getting A DOSE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE.

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

Restaurant inspections may go online

Does that mean more -- BUGS?

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

Beheading, the method that Islamist terrorists have used to execute three hostages in Iraq and Saudi Arabia, is specified by Islamic law, but should be used only in extreme cases, with at least one judge and credible witnesses to a crime, Islamic analysts say.

This is easy. With the hostages, their crime was being an infidel, their witnesses were Muslims, and God was their judge.

Others point out that the Koran refers to such a punishment for infidels and that Muhammad oversaw the beheading of several hundred men in his lifetime.

Easier.

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

The Center for Media and Public Affairs [Sighhhhhhhhhhhh. --Ed.] found that Reagan, in his first years in office, garnered the harshest coverage of any president in the past 24 years. Over the course of his campaigns and eight years in office, Reagan's press peaked and fell but was always negative: 85% of on-air assessments of him leading to Election Day 1980 were negative; 64% of his first-year evaluations were negative; in his re-election bid in 1984, 91% of coverage was negative.

Oh NOOOOOOOO, the press ISN'T biased.

Posted 8:20 AM by Gene

WOW!!!!! From standing in line for eight days to buy LEGACY's book to making a BEEEEEE-O "RECORD"!!!!! The staff of THE PAPER OF RECORD MUST BE TIRED!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

Actual juxtaposition on the great CNN's home page:

• Busing leaves 30-year sting
• UMass invests in diversity

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

Review: 'Riddick' Game Better Than Movie

Was it that hard?

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

Let me be blunt. Newspapers bite. The work isn't much fun anymore, thanks to the soul-snatching corporate culture that has euthanized newsroom personalities. Most papers reflect that numbers-crunching, cubicle-hunkering mentality. We're boring, predictable, staid and out of touch with the folks with quarters.

Let me be blunt, too -- nobody believes NEWS HACKS who write such apologies because you make too much money and have too much power -- and TRIB is a GREAT PLACE TO WORK if you know how to COMPROMISE.

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

OooooooooooOOOOOOOOOooooooooooh, Catholic colleges must -- make a decision!

God forbid they make a decision -- other than to raise tuition and field corrupt sports teams.

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

Andy Rooney, 'Sexiest' Newscaster?

If you're into S&M -- senile and mental.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Sorry for the NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

Now there IS no need to read My Lie.

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

U.S. investigators said on Wednesday they had arrested an America Online employee for stealing the Internet provider's customer list and selling it to a purveyor of "spam" e-mail.

I'm glad I quit!

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

I wonder -- do some people commit crimes so they can get on television?

OMERTA omits the "VICTIM'S" race. Cle-VERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

"We are announcing for the last time that we are opening the door to repentance and for those to return to righteousness."

Wait a second, Princie -- since they're terrorists (pardon -- MILITANTS) don't they get their 72 virgins by default?

Posted 4:50 PM by Gene

The researchers suspect that as much as 4 percent of the world's population have a congenital brain abnormality that renders them tone deaf.

AND THEY'RE ALL IN THE MUSIC BIZ.

Posted 11:39 AM by Gene

GREAT: The Saudis are offering the holy cockroaches a one-month "amnesty." [More here.]

As opposed to the permanent one?

Posted 11:19 AM by Gene

The future governor of South Dakota (or senator, or whatever) issues a statement:

"Shaun . . . Your behavior to me over the past few years has been a sickening joke. From the day you called [former NBC Enterprises president] Ed Wilson and said I was creating a hostile situation . . . to last week when you went postal on my friend and accused me of an affair . . . and talked to me like a five-year-old gang member.

"I have never known anybody so disliked in a newsroom and it's well deserved. You push people to the limits and you are so needy and demanding . . . it is scary.

"This is tough love, Shaun. You have the worst reputation I've ever seen in the business . . . and your constant attempt to get me fired was such a joke to everybody it was hard to contain the laughter.

"But now I am gone . . . and you made my departure so easy . . . I've never worked with anybody so conflicted and sad and insecure and so needy. They all know it . . . and it must be sad for you to realize that you are literally hated by most . . . Don't you EVER EVER make things up about me. Don't you EVER EVER tell your friends I'm a bad employee . . .

"People laugh at you. But they are afraid of your always taking the race card . . . You'll always be a little person that people feel sorry for . . . You cannot believe how much you are disliked. Try and repair it . . . or you'll be back in local news before you know it . . . with no wardrobe people to yell at every day. 'Did [co-host] Nancy [O'Dell] get that, I WANT THAT.' Pathetic. BuhBye . . . And have a great, miserable life. Pat."

You too, GOV.

(Well, he DID apologize.)

Posted 11:07 AM by Gene

One of these things is just like the other:

STATEMENT FROM NAB PRESIDENT AND CEO EDWARD O. FRITTS IN RESPONSE TO BROADCAST INDECENCY, TV VIOLENCE, AND MEDIA OWNERSHIP AMENDMENT PASSED BY THE SENATE

"NAB does not support the amendment passed today by the Senate. We continue to believe that voluntary industry initiatives that have been taken by a number of broadcasters thus far are far preferable to government regulation when dealing with programming issues. We also believe that most Americans would acknowledge that broadcast programming is considerably less explicit in terms of violence and sexual content than that which is routinely found on cable and satellite channels."

---------------------------------------------------

Response from NAB President & CEO Edward O. Fritts to Sen. McCain's LPFM Legislation

"It is unfortunate Sen. McCain is relying on the deeply flawed Mitre study in supporting the authorization of more low power FM stations. Local radio listeners should not be subjected to the inevitable interference that would result from shoehorning more stations onto an already overcrowded radio dial."

Posted 9:08 AM by Gene

An INSTASPIKE® for a feature-laden BLOG, one of whose features is THIS:

Click "Turn Light On" at the top of the left-hand column for a simpler page design that may be easier to read.

Posted 8:48 AM by Gene

USAOKAY! is hiking its newsstand price to 75 cents so it can sell more movies.

Thankfully we Web surfers get it for free, proving the old saw -- you get what you pay for.

Posted 6:29 AM by Gene

As Conrad flees from the scene of the crime his publishing house nets $1.33 billion, proof owning a newspaper is a license to print money -- and lies.

Posted 6:13 PM by Gene

The British lost an empire, and for years they've acted it; we all remember their national nervous breakdown over Di. Now they're LIBERAL BLASE about a US-funded effort to teach chastity to teens. If you want to ignore teen pregnancies, STDs and abortions so you can spend your lives in hypnosis before the telly, fine. But sixty years ago you clowns proved you were better than that.

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

Time for one of my favorites from THE MASTER again:

Sir, there is no setting the point of precedency between a louse and a flea.

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The Trib had a Ben Bradlee who moved it from one kind of bad (the "Col." screaming bloody murder at any reporter who disagreed with him and turning the paper into one long intolerable slant) to another (always lobbying for the forces of right using weasel words, meantime making sure to be excessively show-biz synergistic). This obit merely underlines what I said in one of my first posts: "It scarcely matters, then, whether the press is right-wing reactionary or left-wing reactionary: it will always be reactionary."

And he died on the same week TRIB admitted to CIRCULATION INFLATION at its New York rag. I will admit his moon landing front page was a masterpiece. May he rest in peace.

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

My "mistaken" link made it into Technorati. Oh well, I don't like playing tricks on my blog, BUT I DON'T LIKE NEWS HACKS CAMPAIGNING ON THEIR SITES EITHER.

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

Honest! Whorvis Communications WILL fight terrorism!

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

Mary-Kate Olsen is being treated for an "eating disorder."

A story like this is almost foreordained.

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

A good reason to temporarily boycott Yahoo!: It's running Web ads featuring Al O'Franken and Stone Face Stein. PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-U!

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

OoooooooooOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooh! One of CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES likens THE BOOK to "being locked in a small room with a very gregarious man who insists on reading his entire appointment book, day by day, beginning in 1946."

And when a CURLEY STOOGE says it's bad, it's BAD.

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

I guess after savaging Reagan Kinsley.com has to show it's -- evenhanded.

Posted 3:07 PM by Gene

SHUCKS, Gov. Endlessly Eloquent won't succeed DR. EVIL after all.

But it was worth the audition!

Posted 2:35 PM by Gene

Well! Seems CIRCULATION INFLATION's been lurking for a few months:

Lawyer Joseph Giaimo, whose clients have accused Newsday of circulation-pumping fraud to drive up ad rates, told Judge Leonard Wexler that one plaintiff - East Coast Realtors - quit the suit after learning that the paper would no longer run its ads. [This reported on March 12.]

And six days after the TRIB reports CONRAD'S FOLLIES, INSTANT-ACTIN' INSTAPROF FINALLY FINDS OUT.

Posted 2:06 PM by Gene

OOPS! I just realized -- I posted that last story with THE WRONG URL! HERE'S THE CORRECT ONE!

Jeez, you can't be TOO careful with your own BLOG!

Pffh-hh-hh!

Posted 2:03 PM by Gene

A NEW YORK CONCERT PROMOTER HAS MOUNTED AN ONLINE CAMPAIGN TO “DRAFT” BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN TO HEADLINE A ROCK ’N' ROLL SHOW TO UPSTAGE THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION ON THE NIGHT IT NOMINATES PRESIDENT BUSH TO RUN FOR ANOTHER TERM!!!!!

THE “CONCERT FOR CHANGE,” WOULD BE HELD SEPT. 1 AT GIANTS STADIUM, ACROSS THE HUDSON RIVER FROM THE REPUBLICANS’ MEETING AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, SAID PROMOTER AND DEMOCRATIC ACTIVIST ANDREW RASIEJ, WHO HAS RESERVED THE DATE AT SPRINGSTEEN’S NEW JERSEY HOME VENUE THAT HE ROUTINELY SELLS OUT WHEN HE TOURS!!!!!!!!!!

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 1:50 PM by Gene

Thanks to GoogleBlogger's CONTINUING EXCELLENCE I posted the same post FOUR TIMES yesterday. (I have since deleted the excess ones.) I was not trying to beat anyone over the head with it; rather, GoogleBlogger was trying to beat me over the head with IT.

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

Senate votes 99-1 to increase FCC's indecency fines

A DARK day in American history. Pfffffffffffffffffffft!

Our Congresspoops are doing this because BROADCASTERS wouldn't take responsibility -- and just as important, because ADVERTISERS WOULDN'T TAKE IT EITHER.

Posted 1:31 PM by Gene

The KOREANS should GET OUT YESTERDAY!!!!!

Oh, they WON'T?!?!? Shucks. You mean NEWS HACKS DON'T ALWAYS WIN?!?!?

Posted 1:28 PM by Gene

I-I-I-I-I'm s-s-s-s-sorry y-y-y-y-you're absolutely r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-ight w-we sh-shouldn't be fighting t-t-t-t-terrorists!

When news hacks ask THE GENERAL to JUMP....

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

I smell a low-carb LAWSUIT up ahead!

Ralph! RALPHIE BOY! Where are your LAWYERS?

Posted 6:20 AM by Gene

OH oh, "experts" say oil's price is in a long-term fall!

Does that mean they're wrong?

Posted 5:56 PM by Gene

Words of the Day, though they be from Reuters:

So many pundits, newspapers and broadcasters have blitzed the public with snippets and views of Bill Clinton's memoirs that readers may feel they hardly need open the book themselves.

Someone should write a column: "101 Uses for Bill Clinton's Memoirs." That would be a riot. Certainly they won't be READ.

Posted 5:48 PM by Gene

"Apolitical" voter registration is a noble cause, but alas, politics can never be apolitical.

Posted 5:47 PM by Gene

Back to the future: didn't the record clowns try 3" CDs before? Yes, I believe they did. Sony made players for them. They faded away.

I can imagine the pricing for these new ones.

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

The nation's never-ending obsession with "fairness" has struck THE GOLF COURSE.

SHUT UP already. Life's been fair enough to you duffers.

Posted 5:34 PM by Gene

Ralphie boy picked "an investment banker" as his running mate so as not to scare BUSINESS.

Pffh-hh-hh-hh-hh!!

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

The Weather Service wastes our money, and CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES and USAOKAY! waste our time.

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

I have faith the South Koreans won't turn CHICKEN the way the Spanish did -- but they'll be under an intense onslaught by the world's NEWS HACKS, who are the enemy of everything AMERICAN except pop culture (because the people in the biz agree with them, and because of the synergy, and the money).

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

You're a fine writer, Chris, and I'm sure I agree with much of what you say, but somehow, I'm not in a mood to read 4,299 words to learn Michael Moore is a farceur and fraud.

Or to put it more briefly, Michael is to the loony left what P. R. MEL was to the Christian right: a vitriolic button pusher pushing all the right buttons, a man who'd destroy the country to feed his depthless vanity. Michael will make his big bucks -- maybe not as many as Mel, but he'll make them, and the country will fume just as it did before. No wonder people despise politics.

Posted 1:56 PM by Gene

Joe Klein works in "intelligence"!

Better watch out, Anon. They found out Joe Klein.

Posted 1:36 PM by Gene

• "Should editors embark on an ideological affirmative action program?"

No. There's too much gender and ethnic bean-counting in hiring decisions already. Don't lard on another category. Why should a mediocre conservative reporter get a leg up on a liberal with a first-rate portfolio of clippings?

Amen, brother. (And this guy agrees the press crawls with bugs -- liberals.)

Posted 1:12 PM by Gene

Today at the salsa McDonald's I frequent a manager (I presume) was leafing through two thick loose-leaf binders, one at least two inches thick and the other three inches. Atop one binder was a booklet titled, "Utility Management."

Con-SER-vatives always like to gloat that Mickey D's is THE Miracle of Capitalism; I suspect it's more bogged down in paperwork than the Feds. It's only come back due to salads and shrewd PR, and maybe some executive hinting to the franchisees that their emporia must be slightly cleaner.

Another thing: when it comes to FINANCING CRAP ON TV, one word is DEFINITELY in its vocabulary: JUDGMENTAL. That's precisely the word I would expect to hear from those lobbyists at the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertsiers were they to e-mail me back. JUDGMENTAL, of course, is a code word for CONSERVATIVE. And that's code for, we'll write off at least a third of our customers so we can do what we damn well please.

Posted 11:47 AM by Gene

What was the founding of ErrAmerica but the same old liberal tax-and-spend -- in the private sector?

Surprising that the JOURNALS' LIBERAL EDITION RAN THIS. But it does have a happy ending, er, last graf.

Posted 11:21 AM by Gene

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! THEY DID IT!!!!!

ON TO THE JETSONS!!!!!!!!!!

Flying AMC Pacers, space-car garages on bottomless stilts, orbiting traffic jams...What hath Paul wrought?

Posted 10:51 AM by Gene

I'm linked in FROOGLE?!?!?

I'll take it.

Posted 10:39 AM by Gene

We couldn'a done it without a little help from our FRIENDS.

I think this means -- another flack sheet from WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS.

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

Hey MR. BLEAT, it wasn't that funny twenty years ago "when Bill the Cat said 'Ack! Thbbft.'"

And I said Entertainment Weekly was ack thbbft months before you did.

Posted 8:40 AM by Gene

Among the most useless inventions of all time: the DEGAUSS button.

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

OOOOOOOOOOooooooooh, Iran's -- CONSERVATIVES want to war with BRITAIN!

I'd say it's a mismatch but I'd say the MAD MULLAHS want to fight the first NUCLEAR WAR.

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

Looks like those ads on PAPEROFRECORD.com are working too well DIP!

Posted 6:36 AM by Gene

Now that RowlingCorp's latest epic is fizzling at the B.O., some mysterious force has tapped a news hack's shoulder and said IT HAS MEDICINAL POWERS.

If only we could wave a magic wand and make USA OKAY disappear.

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

Repeat after me: repeat after me: repeat after me:

TV as usual.

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

More excellence from the collaboration of the Six Sigma Boys and Bill's Bug Breeders:

• Dog sense of smell could help dianose illness [home-page hed]

Posted 6:17 AM by Gene

KERRY FOR PRESIDENT (aka the LALA TIMES) says OUR NEXT PRESIDENT "CONSULTS WIDELY AND DELIBERATES CAREFULLY!!!!!"

Is that NEWSHACKESE for MICROMANAGING?

Posted 6:30 PM by Gene

The unpronounceable FEE COLLECTOR's getting BIGGER!

Can you begin to imagine how much MONEY people waste on this empire?

ONWARD TO ONE NATIONAL FEE COLLECTOR!!!!!

Posted 6:30 PM by Gene

Whorvis Communications must be concerned for its reputation -- it wrote EIGHT PARAGRAPHS!

Posted 1:11 PM by Gene

F. Scott Fitzgerald famously observed that there are no second acts in American lives. That was before the Internet, 24-hour-cable TV news and The Osbournes....

and USA OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 12:49 PM by Gene

Let us be blunt: MICKEYMOUSE NIXON has destroyed His company's "family" franchise. By turning His company into just another media megaconglomerate, by openly courting controversy and by fervently releasing R-rated movies and financing Michael Moore, by getting His company into the CapCities morass for the sake of His huge ego, and putting anything on the air to extricate Himself, and by being a regal pain where the sun don't shine, NIXON has told many of His customers to go screw themselves. The effect is taking hold now: He can't find a buyer for His retail stores, His animation unit's in the gutter, many of His recent releases have underperformed in the BEEEEEEEEEEE-O, His last two big budget films have been BOMBS, and the last two movies bearing His company's putative founder's name have been BOMBS. Even if saintly little Walter Jr., er ROY gets his wish and finally pushes NIXON out, he'll have won (as I stated before) a PYRRHIC VICTORY, for NIXON did so much damage all His company has are assets. Goodwill is a thing of the past at ESPNCorp.

Posted 12:36 PM by Gene

Why are we worried about FACTS, O PAPER OF RECORD? You know the NEWS HACK'S CREED: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

Posted 12:36 PM by Gene

ALL HAIL! HAIL KING RICHARD!! HAIL TO THE KING!!!

"A type-B personality." Yeah sure, Kingie. In a type-A business. ALL HAIL THE KING!!!!!

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

A query I've e-mailed to two lobbyists at the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers:

If the members of ANA are so responsible please explain this line in a puff piece for Tom Freston:

He said he had never prevented his sons, now 14 and 19, from watching any MTV Networks show. And he added that no advertiser had ever pulled out because of programming.

I await an answer, knowing none will ever come.

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

More crusading truthtelling from THE PROFESSOR:

UPDATE: Reader David Gerstman emails that the BBC story is 3 years old....

Yeah but it got you twenty zillion katillion more hits.

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

The problem with religious types is that their political declamations are frequently pure unmitigated inoffensive blah, and when they seek to compromise for "half a loaf" all they do is compromise.

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

Things are AWFUL in IRAQ. BUT:

This account is drawn from interviews with a score of current and former CPA officials, several in senior positions, other U.S. government officials and Iraqis who work with the CPA. Most spoke on the condition they not be identified by name because of rules barring people working for the CPA from speaking to journalists without approval from CPA public affairs officials.

And these zillion-dollar idiots have been beating their holy breasts this last week about their @#$%&* ANONYMOUS SOURCES. I repeat my definition from the NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY: a source is "someone a news hack cites when he wishes to express an opinion." Once you read a paragraph like that you STOP READING, no matter how truthful the account.

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

Reports: Algerian terror leader killed in military sweep

Hey ALLAH!! Gimme 72 more VIRGINS!!!!!

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

MICHIKO's review of the NEW GEN. GRANT MEMOIR MASTERWORK was posted at 2:37 p.m. I posted my comments at 7:07 p.m. THE PROFESSOR posts his today at 8:21 a.m. -- and gets five billion zillion extra hits. I get ZERO yesterday (the one listed was MINE.) WHY?

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

And is THE PAPER OF RECORD SMILING because a wealthy white woman is getting HERS?

And these clowns are always saying we should make prisons more HUMANE. We should. BUT NOT JUST FOR SOME.

I will admit the hed is very sad.

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

Someone should tell the Republicans: you know, a FEW in your party do surf THEPAPEROFRECORD.COM.

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

Sing with me to the tune of the theme from the old SPIDEY kidvid show:

MR. MARK! MR. MARK!

HE'S AMERICA'S BIGGEST JARK!

If Lorenz Hart could use that word I can.

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

Now Ken Auletta and his gang of sycophants already made a hero of SUMNER. Here's their next hero: TOM FRESTON. Remember the name: TOM FRESTON.

Why is every one of your heroes an SOB?

And how do I know this is the sort of thing you have to scrape from your feet after stepping in it? It quotes PAUL DRECK AND THE PERFESSER OF BAD TV.

By the way, JIMMY "POUND THE TABLE" CRAMER, if media crime families like VIACON are going down the toilet why do NEWS HACKS and SALESMEN like YOU crawl one over another to suck up to their top execs? Huh, STERNO?