THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, September 04, 2004
I suppose these kinds of heroes are zeroes to the NEWS HACK who has come to view movie stars as the seat of wisdom and Democrats as the source of holy redemption, but they joined the service because of the indelible obscenity visited on us, and they died in the fight against terrorism. They're heroes in my book, and that they may never be in the NEWS HACK'S should be a further source of pride.
I don't care what the ad-blurb copywriters say, rap is audio graffiti.
A flashlight explodes in an x-ray machine and the whole LA airport shuts down.
Shall we add flashlights to the verboten list?
Shall we add flashlights to the verboten list?
Now Der Homeland reports "that an explosive detection system machine got a positive reading from a corroded battery in a flashlight."
It doesn't pay to follow Free Republic all the time.
It doesn't pay to follow Free Republic all the time.
Looks like I'm back to two hits a day again. That didn't last. Well, at least I don't have too big an ego.
Duh, I think I'll take my season out on this here wall, duuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh....
Wanna bet the Yankees still win?
Wanna bet the Yankees still win?
Carol Bellamy, executive director of the U.N. Children's Fund, known as UNICEF, called the violence "unacceptable ... incomprehensible" and "senseless."
She said it was "part of a rising tide of violence aimed at children."
"This is yet again another instance in which adults are trying to carry out their views to children. [Like SPANKING??????????] It's totally unacceptable."
U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan said he was "horrified" at the deaths of so many children and others.
I guess this means we gotta crack down on JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS.
One of the worst terrorist -- I mean, GUERILLA attacks ever and already AMERICA'S NEWS HACKS HAVE FORGOTTEN IT. They're using equations to figure out how to report this: 1 American = 10 Russians, or whatever.
Carol wins our MARY ROBINSON MORAL OBTUSENESS AWARD!!!!!!!!!!
She said it was "part of a rising tide of violence aimed at children."
"This is yet again another instance in which adults are trying to carry out their views to children. [Like SPANKING??????????] It's totally unacceptable."
U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan said he was "horrified" at the deaths of so many children and others.
I guess this means we gotta crack down on JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS.
One of the worst terrorist -- I mean, GUERILLA attacks ever and already AMERICA'S NEWS HACKS HAVE FORGOTTEN IT. They're using equations to figure out how to report this: 1 American = 10 Russians, or whatever.
Carol wins our MARY ROBINSON MORAL OBTUSENESS AWARD!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, September 03, 2004
"The hostage takers were Ingush, Ossetians, Russians, but not Chechens," said [Ahmad] Zakayev, once a spokesman for Chechnya's separatist president Aslan Maskhadov.
"But of course, their demands have all to do with Chechnya, so whatever has happened, the Chechens will be held responsible. That's what I'm afraid of," he said on Britain's Channel 4 television.
What's wrong, guy? Not looking forward to your seventy-two virgins?
At THE OSAMA CHANNEL they're showing gruesome video non-stop (no doubt) while dancing on the ceiling.
"But of course, their demands have all to do with Chechnya, so whatever has happened, the Chechens will be held responsible. That's what I'm afraid of," he said on Britain's Channel 4 television.
What's wrong, guy? Not looking forward to your seventy-two virgins?
At THE OSAMA CHANNEL they're showing gruesome video non-stop (no doubt) while dancing on the ceiling.
CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES MAY BE UP TO NO GOOD: Compare THIS story and THIS story -- and especially consider THIS loaded line:
Bush's audience of thousands in West Allis, Wis., booed. Bush did nothing to stop them.
If it's true, I say BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
But if (as seems likely) CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES were CAMPAIGNING, I say
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
I repeat: This extreme irritant of an election will feature the most partisan hack -- THE MOST NOBLE PUBLIC SERVICE IN NEWS HISTORY.
And gee, it's a good thing you took today off, ROMY -- not that you'd have paid attention.
Bush's audience of thousands in West Allis, Wis., booed. Bush did nothing to stop them.
If it's true, I say BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
But if (as seems likely) CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES were CAMPAIGNING, I say
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
I repeat: This extreme irritant of an election will feature the most partisan hack -- THE MOST NOBLE PUBLIC SERVICE IN NEWS HISTORY.
And gee, it's a good thing you took today off, ROMY -- not that you'd have paid attention.
Poll: Bush Leads by 11 Points During RNC
All together now NEWS HACKS, one, two, three: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All together now NEWS HACKS, one, two, three: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES yell, PAYBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This extreme irritant of an election will feature the most partisan hack -- THE MOST NOBLE PUBLIC SERVICE IN NEWS HISTORY.
This extreme irritant of an election will feature the most partisan hack -- THE MOST NOBLE PUBLIC SERVICE IN NEWS HISTORY.
Further proof our hearts are always in the right place:
Fleeing Hurricane Frances isn't an option for thousands of Florida residents living in poverty
Fleeing Hurricane Frances isn't an option for thousands of Florida residents living in poverty
There will be much second guessing of the Russians' ham-fisted rescue mission, but in at least one particular (and more) it resembles Waco: the holy cockroaches would probably have blown everyone up anyway, for to die killing innocents is extremely holy.
In these, its last days in BILL'S BUGGY EMPIRE, is Kinsley.com using computers to write columns? Feed a Republican speech into these devices and they spew they're-always-wrong-on-everything vitriol. At least NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is underwritten and badly edited by humans; but the idea of computers as partisan hacks is a scary one, scarier than BILL seeking control of 26 universes.
Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle
Blooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogger's
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STERNO fumes about the "STRANGE CRAP" from "FRINGE OPINION SITES" G000,000,000,000,000gleNews foists on unwary surfers; but STERN, you're always talking about printing presses and democracy, and how BLOGGING IS THE GREATEST THING SINCE YOU WERE BORN. So if G000,000,000,000,000gleNews gives occasional exposure to STRANGE CRAP from FRINGE OPINION SITES isn't that a small price to pay for PRINTING PRESSES? Why should the world ALWAYS be ruled by your friends the TWXSTERS and your boss HIS HOLINESS KING SI? Or is your real purpose to help get your friend NICK DORKEN on the road to his IPO?
Looks like SAMMY GLICKMAN'S NEW, IMPROVED ALPHABET SOUP will be worse than the old, if the assorted quoted ninnies have their say.
Great reportorial enterprise, there, QUACK PSUEDO-RELIGIOUS SCIENCE MONITOR: an e-mail and a phone call! You folks in THAT much of a bind?
Great reportorial enterprise, there, QUACK PSUEDO-RELIGIOUS SCIENCE MONITOR: an e-mail and a phone call! You folks in THAT much of a bind?
Despite strikes and Kobes and ATTITUDE, the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers continues to waste OUR money making BILLION-DOLLAR FRANCHISES, even if it angers fans in the process. What's upsetting a few customers when YOU have the LUXURY SUITE?
Nice MEA CULPA there, TRIB!
Nice MEA CULPA there, TRIB!
"ALL HAT, NO CATTLE!!!!!"
Shouldn't that be all hat, no filet mignon? (I couldn't think of the name of a fancy French woman's hat.)
Shouldn't that be all hat, no filet mignon? (I couldn't think of the name of a fancy French woman's hat.)
Bush's acceptance speech at Madison Square Garden was seen by fellow Republicans as vital to his reelection hopes, a fact reflected by the 30-plus revisions the address underwent.
WOW! All that work so people could scratch their heads and ask, "What did he say?"
WOW! All that work so people could scratch their heads and ask, "What did he say?"
Fighting is to the NHL what crashes are to NASCAR.
One good thing: we probably won't have any fights THIS season.
One good thing: we probably won't have any fights THIS season.
The loonies didn't riot. Is that a success or a failure?
I count it as a success -- PINCH's word got around.
That or the loonies decided they had nothing to riot about.
I count it as a success -- PINCH's word got around.
That or the loonies decided they had nothing to riot about.
Jennifer C. --Don't you think that there is something uniquely immature about a "Shout-out?"
We've gotten to the SCREAM-OUT phase by now.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
What gives? I've only gotten seven hits today. Did someone turn off the switch again? Is anybody out there?
EXCELLENT PROMO WORK FROM THE GE BANCORP NETWORK:
Since 1999, NBC has debuted 16 sitcoms in the fall. The "Father of the Pride" debut finishes in the bottom five of that list....But here's some good news for NBC. In that list of 16, "Father of the Pride" is No. 2 among kids ages 2 to 11.
I guess that means we're cultivating future Olympics viewers. RIGHT, LITTLE JEFFREY?
Since 1999, NBC has debuted 16 sitcoms in the fall. The "Father of the Pride" debut finishes in the bottom five of that list....But here's some good news for NBC. In that list of 16, "Father of the Pride" is No. 2 among kids ages 2 to 11.
I guess that means we're cultivating future Olympics viewers. RIGHT, LITTLE JEFFREY?
CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES WANT A GENERAL TO RESIGN BECAUSE HE SAID THINGS THAT OFFENDED CONGRESSMAN BARNEY!
By that standard, CURLEY, I think we could ask your WHOLE STAFF to resign for doing things that offend US.
By that standard, CURLEY, I think we could ask your WHOLE STAFF to resign for doing things that offend US.
Delegates who really, really, really hate Kerry.
TRANSLATION: NEWS HACKS who really, really, really hate Dubya.
I say it evens out.
TRANSLATION: NEWS HACKS who really, really, really hate Dubya.
I say it evens out.
Finally, someone other than yours truly knocks Jeff Greenfield.
I have long thought this twerp is the HANS VON KALTENBORN of our time. Remember Hans? You don't? You should, for one reason: on Election Night 1948 Kaltenborn flatly trumpeted how the CI-teeh VOOTE and the COUN-treeh VOOTE would win the election for Tom Dewey. At a press conference before his inauguration Harry Truman made nasty fun of Kaltenborn's reporting and his oracular speaking style. Today it's all he's remembered for. Jeff doesn't even have the advantage of being wrong.
I have long thought this twerp is the HANS VON KALTENBORN of our time. Remember Hans? You don't? You should, for one reason: on Election Night 1948 Kaltenborn flatly trumpeted how the CI-teeh VOOTE and the COUN-treeh VOOTE would win the election for Tom Dewey. At a press conference before his inauguration Harry Truman made nasty fun of Kaltenborn's reporting and his oracular speaking style. Today it's all he's remembered for. Jeff doesn't even have the advantage of being wrong.
KERRY FOR PRESIDENT (Washington Edition) says DIP'S COMING BACK! He's "SHARPENING THE CONTRAST"!!!!!
What is this guy? A TV?
What is this guy? A TV?
My guess (having not watched it) is Vice-President Inside did NOT deliver a BRILLIANT SPEECH last night. He works for Halliburton.
If the HACKS say DUBYA delivers a BRILLIANT SPEECH tonight we will know DEFINITIVELY they're BONKERS.
If the HACKS say DUBYA delivers a BRILLIANT SPEECH tonight we will know DEFINITIVELY they're BONKERS.
CBS.Marketwatch.com -- you know, the financial Web site the Wall Street Journals Online used to make fun of in their ads -- ran a puff piece about some guy who all but dreams of an IPO from blogging. I checked into his sites. DULL. They all look alike; one or two haven't been updated in months. And he has no counters; where does he get his 100,000 number? This guy and Nick Dorken are the DONALDS of Blogging.
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
SYNERGY: BILL'S BUGMEISTERS get around a NEWS EMBARGO to announce they'll do to VIDEO what BOOM BOXES did to SOUND.
Oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!
Oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!
The first news of the Second INFOMERCIAL: the former Sen. Kerrey uses the F-WORD!!!!!
It does seem contagious with THE DIP and his friends.
It does seem contagious with THE DIP and his friends.
TRANSLATION: We want the hacks with us the remaining TWO PERCENT OF THE TIME!!!!!
(Posted on the ROMY, who obviously AGREES, as will his cheering section in the LETTERS PAGE.)
(Posted on the ROMY, who obviously AGREES, as will his cheering section in the LETTERS PAGE.)
The Bushettes apparently made ASSES of themselves last night (I didn't see it). One pair of arms is like another, sang Aldonza to Don Quixote, and alas, so are two pair of arms at the INFOMERCIALS.
Bill, cut the Kinsley.comedy; you're not a Republican, and you wouldn't vote for one if he were a LIBERAL DEMOCRAT.
P. S. He calls AH-nult's speech BRILLIANT too, so maybe there's -- "hope"?
P. S. He calls AH-nult's speech BRILLIANT too, so maybe there's -- "hope"?
During the last INFOMERCIAL everyone made a BRILLIANT speech. This time around the speeches aren't getting quite the accolades -- REPUBLICANS are EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL -- but the conservatives are proving as adept at inane partisanship as any six- and seven-digit news hack; if Barack made a BRILLIANT SPEECH why, so did AH-nult -- because he's a REPUBLICAN. The cheerleaders further confuse sentiment for BRILLIANCE, as with Rudy, who definitely must seek higher office again, but who'd be no Lincoln minus ghostwriters. And count on VIR-GIN-IA to create an instant cliche (who says bloggers aren't good at cliches?), picked up by STERNO the way a dog fetches its master's slippers, that Rudy was BRILLIANT because he was "CONVERSATIONAL." That reminds me all too painfully of the Gettysburg Address in PowerPoint. A speech can have zero eloquence, indeed it can display total flatfooted incompetence, and the hacks will call it BRILLIANT if it does the barest minimum of what a good speech does; but once good speechmaking enriched and enlivened our public discourse. Now it's CONVERSATIONS, from people who aren't very good CONVERSATIONALISTS, let alone SPEECHMAKERS.
Speechmaking's gotten so bad we've forgotten what the word STEMWINDER means.
Speechmaking's gotten so bad we've forgotten what the word STEMWINDER means.
ALERT: BUILDING OF PEOPLE SICKENED IN D.C.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JUST BREAKING...IN A GOVT.BUILDING IN D.C. MASS CASULTIES....EVERYONE IS VERY SICK...BREAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pepper spray.
THANKS FOR ANOTHER ATTEMPT TO INSPIRE A PANIC, FREE REPUBLIC!!!!!
(Update at 5:15 PM EDT: Five got eye irritations, and one was hospitalized, after an accident. ALMOST AS BRILLIANT AS THOSE SPEECHES AT THE INFOMERCIAL, FREEPERS!)
JUST BREAKING...IN A GOVT.BUILDING IN D.C. MASS CASULTIES....EVERYONE IS VERY SICK...BREAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pepper spray.
THANKS FOR ANOTHER ATTEMPT TO INSPIRE A PANIC, FREE REPUBLIC!!!!!
(Update at 5:15 PM EDT: Five got eye irritations, and one was hospitalized, after an accident. ALMOST AS BRILLIANT AS THOSE SPEECHES AT THE INFOMERCIAL, FREEPERS!)
Speaking of fine cuisine, I went to my local McDonald's, and I knew someone from OAK BROOK had been there because the Muzak® was on -- and it was LOUD. (Count on the Hamburger Dilberts not to notice the dirty floors, the broken fixtures, the surly help, the cups and tray liners still promoting THE GAMES; no, all is right in Kroc's Kingdom when the MUZAK® WORKS.) At least it was what the whizzes in JIM BAKKER'S FORMER HOMETOWN call "Classic" Muzak®, the background type from the days middle managers really believed the junk over the speakers could promote productivity. Despite the fact it's the source of "smooth 'jazz'" it's the one Muzak® I can tolerate because the "songs" are unfamiliar and risible -- unlike with the PESTILENCE of FOREGROUND MUSIC, the 200-song playlists each of which songs has played 500 trillion times and has some hook or shtick the renders it EXTREMELY IRRITATING. The one good thing is, Muzak® is LOSING MONEY. The bad thing is, no one pirates Muzak®.
World's Caviar Faces a Ban
Whatsoever shall our superiors do? Zillionaire media snobs can't hold birthday parties for the likes of Sen. McPAIN without CAVIAR. Pee-TAH can't READ THE NEWS without CAVIAR. PINCH can't run the UNIVERSES' GREATEST PAPER without CAVIAR. Hollywood can't make BAD MOVIES without CAVIAR. DIPPITY-DO!! may have to resign after taking the oath of office!
All for salty FISH EGGS. Hhmph!
Whatsoever shall our superiors do? Zillionaire media snobs can't hold birthday parties for the likes of Sen. McPAIN without CAVIAR. Pee-TAH can't READ THE NEWS without CAVIAR. PINCH can't run the UNIVERSES' GREATEST PAPER without CAVIAR. Hollywood can't make BAD MOVIES without CAVIAR. DIPPITY-DO!! may have to resign after taking the oath of office!
All for salty FISH EGGS. Hhmph!
Somehow it's hard to conceive such a brilliant revue starring E. L. "Heal Thyself" Doctorow as being "toothless," but we certainly can conceive America's Novelist Laureate as being less quite a few things other than teeth.
"It is difficult to imagine a more flagrant abdication of duty than a director rubber-stamping transactions that directly benefit a controlling shareholder without any thought, comprehension or analysis."
Wait a second! I thought con-SER-va-tives were all for FREE ENTERPRISE! I guess it depends on who's free with the enterprise.
Wait a second! I thought con-SER-va-tives were all for FREE ENTERPRISE! I guess it depends on who's free with the enterprise.
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
The problem, TINA, is that with news hacks we see the world through dark red-tinted sunglasses with bulbous lenses covered with gauze -- and with blinders on. I suspect the real reason you're ticked, TINA, is is that there might be fewer chances for superglib, terminally trendy folk like you to have any staying power because a bunch of AMATEURS can tear your pretensions to shreds. If there IS one hope, though, it's that you helped bequeath us GRAYDON, a man whose excellence seems destined to last FOREVER.
CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES ALERT:
BEIRUT, Lebanon - The militant demand that a French ban on Islamic head scarves be overturned has raised an unprecedented backlash among religious and political leaders in the Middle East, who have often been silent about hostage slayings and other terrorism.
Isn't that paragraph a firing offense, CURLEY?
We're in a pretty pickle when we have to analyze EVERY news story for its PC.
BEIRUT, Lebanon - The militant demand that a French ban on Islamic head scarves be overturned has raised an unprecedented backlash among religious and political leaders in the Middle East, who have often been silent about hostage slayings and other terrorism.
Isn't that paragraph a firing offense, CURLEY?
We're in a pretty pickle when we have to analyze EVERY news story for its PC.
I know I promised to saying nothing again about the -- you know, I'm having the foggiest time remembering what it was called, wasn't it about rings, and Hitler, and, oh well -- anyway, buried deep in this story about GE Bancorp Network's recent celebration in Greece (that's what it was!) and the huge monetary hangover following is this little nugget:
In an acknowledgment of Greece's struggle to pay for the Olympics, the International Olympic Committee announced plans to cut the scale of the Olympics in the future. It proposed more than 100 recommendations to combat what it called the "gigantism" of the event, including cutbacks in venues and credentials, and said some of the measures will be implemented by the 2006 Winter Games in Turin.
In other words, there may not need to be as many "sports" as media outlets. But then there's this very good news: GE Bancorp won't permit its subsid to ditch any sports until it puts it up for potential sale in 2012! Such forward thinking, LITTLE JEFFREY!
P. S. Montreal won't finish paying off its debt until 2006, thirty years after "Nadia's Theme." I've got a better song for the GAMES: "Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?"
In an acknowledgment of Greece's struggle to pay for the Olympics, the International Olympic Committee announced plans to cut the scale of the Olympics in the future. It proposed more than 100 recommendations to combat what it called the "gigantism" of the event, including cutbacks in venues and credentials, and said some of the measures will be implemented by the 2006 Winter Games in Turin.
In other words, there may not need to be as many "sports" as media outlets. But then there's this very good news: GE Bancorp won't permit its subsid to ditch any sports until it puts it up for potential sale in 2012! Such forward thinking, LITTLE JEFFREY!
P. S. Montreal won't finish paying off its debt until 2006, thirty years after "Nadia's Theme." I've got a better song for the GAMES: "Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?"
JEFFREY KATZENBERG BLAMES HIS SHOW ON THE PROMO DEPARTMENT!!!!! It seems the table pounders are the reason BILLIONAIRES FOR BUSH-LEAGUE TV (no offense, Dubya) didn't like his MASTERWORK, rather suprising as 1. Advertisers are supposed to buy blind, and 2. It sounds like something right up the plausible-denial alley. Luckily GE Bancorp Network landed TOYOTA, evidence somebody was willing to sponsor anything. Wouldn't you really rather have a BUICK?
Oh, I forgot. GM SPONSORED THE OSAMA CHANNEL.
Oh, I forgot. GM SPONSORED THE OSAMA CHANNEL.
Because liberals are temperamentally self-critical, they tend to see more grays than black-and-whites.
TRANSLATION: ST. WARREN pays this scribbler a million bucks to praise himself.
TRANSLATION: ST. WARREN pays this scribbler a million bucks to praise himself.
Inconvenient juxtaposition in Kinsley.com:
Being There
What does 9/11 tell us about Bush? Nothing.
...which, when I visited the page, was right below...
WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS, a demagogue -- or as Don Marquis's eloquent cockroach archy wrote, "MILLIONAIRES AND BUMS TASTE ABOUT ALIKE TO ME."
Being There
What does 9/11 tell us about Bush? Nothing.
...which, when I visited the page, was right below...
WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS, a demagogue -- or as Don Marquis's eloquent cockroach archy wrote, "MILLIONAIRES AND BUMS TASTE ABOUT ALIKE TO ME."
Which reminds me: despite stories like this many bloggers are smiling that the days of BIG MEDIA ruling us with the stainless-steel fist in a titanium glove are coming to an end. To them I repeat: calculate the revenues and profits of BIG MEDIA -- and those of BLOGGERS. NO CONTEST.
And in FURTHER news of IMMORTALS:
McCain's Birthday Party Faithful
• Sen. John McCain tended to his political base Sunday night: the entire national media. The maverick Arizona Republican, once (and future?) presidential aspirant and press secretary's dream hosted a hyper-exclusive 68th birthday party for himself at La Goulue on Madison Avenue, leaving no media icon behind. Guests included NBC's Tom Brokaw and Tim Russert, ABC's Peter Jennings, Barbara Walters, Ted Koppel and George Stephanopoulos, CBS's Mike Wallace, Dan Rather and Bob Schieffer, CBS News President Andrew Heyward, ABC News chief David Westin, Time Warner CEO Richard Parsons, CNN's Judy Woodruff and Jeff Greenfield, MSNBC's Chris Matthews, CNBC's Gloria Borger, PBS's Charlie Rose -- pause here to exhale -- and U.S. News & World Report publisher Mort Zuckerman, Washington Post Chairman Don Graham, New York Times columnists William Safire and David Brooks, author Michael Lewis and USA Today columnist Walter Shapiro. They and others dined on lobster salad, loin of lamb, assorted wines, creme brulee, lemon souffle and French tarts.
McCain's Birthday Party Faithful
• Sen. John McCain tended to his political base Sunday night: the entire national media. The maverick Arizona Republican, once (and future?) presidential aspirant and press secretary's dream hosted a hyper-exclusive 68th birthday party for himself at La Goulue on Madison Avenue, leaving no media icon behind. Guests included NBC's Tom Brokaw and Tim Russert, ABC's Peter Jennings, Barbara Walters, Ted Koppel and George Stephanopoulos, CBS's Mike Wallace, Dan Rather and Bob Schieffer, CBS News President Andrew Heyward, ABC News chief David Westin, Time Warner CEO Richard Parsons, CNN's Judy Woodruff and Jeff Greenfield, MSNBC's Chris Matthews, CNBC's Gloria Borger, PBS's Charlie Rose -- pause here to exhale -- and U.S. News & World Report publisher Mort Zuckerman, Washington Post Chairman Don Graham, New York Times columnists William Safire and David Brooks, author Michael Lewis and USA Today columnist Walter Shapiro. They and others dined on lobster salad, loin of lamb, assorted wines, creme brulee, lemon souffle and French tarts.
NUF SAID.
They should have ignored you, P. R. MIKE, but that's like ignoring a plague of locusts.
P. S.:
The episode left Owen Ullman, deputy managing editor of USA Today's editorial page, red-faced and a bit shaken. Ullman was, in effect, Moore's sponsor, and thus was left to plead on his behalf with waves of security personnel.
"We invited Mr. Moore to write a column for us, and he asked if he could unobtrusively observe the convention," said Ullman, recognizing with hindsight the absurdity of that proposition. "We did not anticipate that many would consider him the story and that it would create such commotion."
Unfortunately things will happen, USAOKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, when you invite a plague of locusts into Madison Square Garden.
P. S.:
The episode left Owen Ullman, deputy managing editor of USA Today's editorial page, red-faced and a bit shaken. Ullman was, in effect, Moore's sponsor, and thus was left to plead on his behalf with waves of security personnel.
"We invited Mr. Moore to write a column for us, and he asked if he could unobtrusively observe the convention," said Ullman, recognizing with hindsight the absurdity of that proposition. "We did not anticipate that many would consider him the story and that it would create such commotion."
Unfortunately things will happen, USAOKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, when you invite a plague of locusts into Madison Square Garden.
WHAT HE REALLY WANTED TO SAY:
"Despite the fact that my DEAR friend and colleague the junior senator from Massachusetts is a swell, swell, swell, SWELL guy and would make a very, VERY good president, I support the reelection of George W. Bush!
"I think."
"Despite the fact that my DEAR friend and colleague the junior senator from Massachusetts is a swell, swell, swell, SWELL guy and would make a very, VERY good president, I support the reelection of George W. Bush!
"I think."
Here's a thought for Democrats: PAUL WOLFOWITZ PUT HIM THERE!!!!!
Let's see you campaign on THAT, DIP!
Let's see you campaign on THAT, DIP!
Headline of the Month:
No Headline.
However, as it's about the infomercial, it has the advantage of being true.
No Headline.
However, as it's about the infomercial, it has the advantage of being true.
Monday, August 30, 2004
PRNewswire presents SPIN...
Knight Ridder and MSNBC to Conduct Major Series of Polls and Analysis of Presidential Election Voters in Key Swing States
...and SELL....
Eminem Gearing Up To Release New Album, ENCORE, On November 16, 2004
After the HACKS are through with these stories America should have a nervous breakdown.
Knight Ridder and MSNBC to Conduct Major Series of Polls and Analysis of Presidential Election Voters in Key Swing States
...and SELL....
Eminem Gearing Up To Release New Album, ENCORE, On November 16, 2004
After the HACKS are through with these stories America should have a nervous breakdown.
And speaking thereof, this is the last Web site that should ridicule voice menus.
I'm surprised Kinsley.com obscured this one -- after all, it KNOCKS REPUBLICANS -- but face it, red-country pop culture stinks up the gym as much as the blue-country, only where the one does it with (c)rappers and movie-star fornicators, the other does it with patriotic doggerel and "Christian" "music." Either way, it's an eyesore and an earache.
You'll never guess who owns so much of the BIGMEDIA that donate a platform for Billionaires for Bush. Just guess.
Sorry, obscene wealth cuts both ways.
Sorry, obscene wealth cuts both ways.
HOWIE "THE HAIR SHIRT" KURTZISM AT FULL TILT: Hacks at KnightRidder Miami Newspaper Monopoly are forbidden to buy tickets to political concerts for fear of making contributions, which should not forbid them from raving the concerts for their politics one bit.
Al-Jazeera calls for release of French hostages
Pffh-hh-hh-hh-hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Pffh-hh-hh-hh-hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
MORTIFYING: That fire in the Jewish community center in Paris -- the story that got me linked through the Professor -- was apparently set by a Jew.
One thing blogging and news hackery have in common is that too much space can come between the story and the clarfication.
One thing blogging and news hackery have in common is that too much space can come between the story and the clarfication.
SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....
Even EU Wouldn't Accept Venezuela's Election
Venezuela's recent recall election, monitored by former President Jimmy Carter, was so rigged in advance in favor of President Hugo Chavez that the European Union (EU) refused to play an observer's role.
A Wall Street Journal op-ed also claimed....
NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Even EU Wouldn't Accept Venezuela's Election
Venezuela's recent recall election, monitored by former President Jimmy Carter, was so rigged in advance in favor of President Hugo Chavez that the European Union (EU) refused to play an observer's role.
A Wall Street Journal op-ed also claimed....
NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, one LAST word on whatever it was that happened the last two weeks:
Some Greeks, in interviews in the newspapers and calls to radio talk shows, have started to blame their country's high security costs on the United States, which they saw as the principal terrorist target during the Olympics.
Shut up. You'll be paying billions for your white elephants for decades because YOU WANTED TO.
And finally, there's this last word: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING.
Some Greeks, in interviews in the newspapers and calls to radio talk shows, have started to blame their country's high security costs on the United States, which they saw as the principal terrorist target during the Olympics.
Shut up. You'll be paying billions for your white elephants for decades because YOU WANTED TO.
And finally, there's this last word: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING.
But guess what, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL Republicans! We have -- OUR SIDE BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
It's gonna be a LONG four days.
It's gonna be a LONG four days.
Sunday, August 29, 2004
And on this day THE GAMES enter obscurity:
Some Moderate Republicans Criticize Bush
"Instead of partisan ideology — which increasingly has led moderates to leave the party — what's needed is a speedy return to the pragmatic, problem-solving mainstream," the group called Mainstream 2004 said in newspaper advertisements to be published Monday....
The list of Republicans signing the ad include former GOP Govs. David Cargo of New Mexico, Dan Evans of Washington, A. Linwood Holton of Virginia, William Milliken of Michigan, Walter Peterson of New Hampshire; former U.S. Sens. Charles Mathias of Maryland and Robert Stafford of Vermont; and Nathaniel Reed, former assistant Interior Secretary under Presidents Nixon and Ford, and Russell Train, EPA administrator under Presidents Nixon and Ford.
WHO?!?!?
Some Moderate Republicans Criticize Bush
"Instead of partisan ideology — which increasingly has led moderates to leave the party — what's needed is a speedy return to the pragmatic, problem-solving mainstream," the group called Mainstream 2004 said in newspaper advertisements to be published Monday....
The list of Republicans signing the ad include former GOP Govs. David Cargo of New Mexico, Dan Evans of Washington, A. Linwood Holton of Virginia, William Milliken of Michigan, Walter Peterson of New Hampshire; former U.S. Sens. Charles Mathias of Maryland and Robert Stafford of Vermont; and Nathaniel Reed, former assistant Interior Secretary under Presidents Nixon and Ford, and Russell Train, EPA administrator under Presidents Nixon and Ford.
WHO?!?!?
Last word until 2006:
"As I was watching Phelps win his last medal, my wife turned to me and asked, `Whatever happened to Mark Spitz?'"
"As I was watching Phelps win his last medal, my wife turned to me and asked, `Whatever happened to Mark Spitz?'"
Demonstrations aren't the way to get your message across anymore. Because now, you can own your own newspaper.
YES STERNO, we ALL use toilet paper. Alas, it only stops up a toilet.
YES STERNO, we ALL use toilet paper. Alas, it only stops up a toilet.
Speaking of INFOMERCIALS, 146 hacks are covering this week's for THE PAPER OF RECORD alone.
Wouldn't they be better off in the streets joining the protesters?
Wouldn't they be better off in the streets joining the protesters?
Here's another problem with blogging: you get so caught up in the CW you get sucker-punched by the facts. I still submit THE GAMES are the biggest overhyped non-event this side of THE INFOMERCIALS, and it will be a relief not to hear of them again for another 30 months (or the INFOMERCIALS for four years); but after all the trash-talking and bad-mouthing, as a spectacle they seem to have come off well (they'd better have for all the money wasted), and Dave Barry speaks for all of us who have every right to be ashamed at our lock-step caterwauling.
My heart hasn't been in posting these last few days, and this is a good reason why.
My heart hasn't been in posting these last few days, and this is a good reason why.
Looks like these GAMES, just like the last ones, will be remembered for the JUDGING.
Assuming, as always, that people remember them.
Assuming, as always, that people remember them.
Not-So-Swift Columnists for Truth is appalled.
And not-so-truthful, if we can judge from the shenanigans surrounding your CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED novel.
And not-so-truthful, if we can judge from the shenanigans surrounding your CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED novel.
I wonder if this story has given a cue to the LOOLOOS not to riot for the cause? Someone should tell them PINCH would be even MORE admiring. (Not that he wouldn't admire them if they DID.)