Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Posted
5:08 PM
by Gene
![]() FLIP.... President Barack Obama on Saturday sought to defuse the controversy over his remarks on plans to build a mosque near Ground Zero, insisting that he wasn’t endorsing the specific project but making a general plea for religious tolerance toward all. "In this country we treat everybody equally and in accordance with the law, regardless of race, regardless of religion,” Obama told reporters Saturday when asked about his remarks at a White House dinner marking the start of Ramadan. “I was not commenting and I will not comment on the wisdom of making the decision to put a mosque there,” Obama continued. “I was commenting very specifically on the right people have that dates back to our founding...." ------------------------------------ But let me be clear. As a citizen, and as President, I believe that Muslims have the same right to practice their religion as everyone else in this country. (Applause.) And that includes the right to build a place of worship and a community center on private property in Lower Manhattan, in accordance with local laws and ordinances. This is America. [Emphasis added] FLOP!
Posted
1:59 PM
by Gene
(Via a contributor to WOLFFMAN!!!!!)
Posted
1:13 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:11 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:06 AM
by Gene
![]() Strangely news-hack celebrations seem muted, perhaps because KAPLAN, INC. is at $343, over $200 off its dirt-cheap most undervalued premium. (The FEDERAL-SHAKEDOWN DIVISION appears in the THIRD-TO-LAST GRAF, a reminder that two letters of ALAN ABELSON's name are B and S.) Also SLIMDOM is almost half-off its highs, McCLATCHY BANKRUPTCY COMPANY is sixty percent off -- we may never see GanNETt at single digits again but things are looking up for those who love the press! Friday, August 13, 2010
Posted
3:01 PM
by Gene
Being an EDUCRAT will do that to you!
Posted
12:14 PM
by Gene
[T]he entire business world has figured out how to make huge buckets of money without hiring us to work for them. I'm not sure how in the long run this benefits these companies. Maybe the same robots who make most things now are also programmed to buy them?
Posted
11:14 AM
by Gene
![]() We just started one of the biggest government boondoggles in history and the voters aren't giving us CREDIT?!?!?
Posted
11:11 AM
by Gene
WHAT A MAROON!
Posted
11:09 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:39 AM
by Gene
![]() Thanks to a wasteful acquisition FORBESLIST.com is slowly transforming itself into a glorified blog, with predictable results. Today this typist laments that men don't go to see "chick flicks". Truly the piece deserves a P-Ulitzer for its insight! A romantic comedy could appeal to men if it served them enough cheesecake (see above). Unfortunately, today's female ac-TORS cannot combine good comedy and good looks, being in short supply of both, and shorter supply of the latter (see here).
Posted
9:16 AM
by Gene
Fogelson also said the studio has planned carefully in preparing to shoot on the water, dismissing critics citing the "water issue." If water movies were invariably troubled, he said, "Disney shouldn't have made 'Pirates of the Caribbean'." That franchise has brought in $1.6 billion; Disney, in fact, has tightened its script for the now-shooting 'Pirates 4" to make it less water-based than the previous films. Universal was swamped with negative press in 1995 when it produced Kevin Costner's "Waterworld," which had a budget that soared to a then-record $175 million. That troubled production had to deal with a set-destroying hurricane, and Costner seemed lost at sea as a director. James Cameron also faced much-publicized challenges while making "The Abyss," which ended up grossing $54 million in 1989. One way Universal has kept "Battleship" from going over the brink was organizing the shoot in a way that keeps it on land as much as possible. This film needs a torpedo -- or an iceberg.
Posted
8:54 AM
by Gene
Half-a-dozen of the other: REV. AL getting more face time to complain. A special PC demerit to the TWXSTERS!
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:41 AM
by Gene
Because lack of judgment in a prospective senator is always far more interesting.
Posted
8:38 AM
by Gene
Okay NUKEMAN, now you can start planning for TEL AVIV! Thursday, August 12, 2010
Posted
2:53 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:54 PM
by Gene
Who knew it had members in the state houses?
Posted
11:35 AM
by Gene
![]() Now blow out the candles -- but before you do, wish for another twenty terms!
Posted
9:50 AM
by Gene
Well there's an answer for "top-line growth" -- charge more for printer cartridges!
Posted
9:22 AM
by Gene
(Via -- alas -- MS. TRAVERS!)
Posted
8:26 AM
by Gene
![]() Notice anything here? This movee revue is missing a byline! We have often thought USAOKAY!!!!! should fire its entire show-biz advertising unit. Maybe they've gone and done it! P. S. at 9:29 a. m. They had to fix it: it's Claudia Pig -- PUIG!
Posted
8:23 AM
by Gene
White House press secretary Robert Gibbs on Wednesday said it will take "quite a bit of time" to move on from the recession given the collapse of the financial industry and the huge housing crisis. [Eighth graf] I like these coordinated messages, don't you?
Posted
8:19 AM
by Gene
Is OL' WHISKEY SLOSH still alive? P. S. at 6:00 p. m. We are aware that BOURBON BREATH has been alcohol-free since 1987, but we would not be surprised to learn that he consumed enough liquor to be drunk every day of his adult life. And what is more, an alcoholic is always "recovering". For all the wonderful things he has done we will continue to call him names like ROTGUT REEK, OL' WHISKEY SLOSH, and BOURBON BREATH.
Posted
8:06 AM
by Gene
Oh dear, who would have thought?!?!? And now FIFA can do its best impersonation of the League of Nations and forget about it. Sepp Blatter, president of the International Federation of Association Football, or Fifa.... NUF SAID. Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Posted
9:13 PM
by Gene
Remember -- he got caught.
Posted
8:46 PM
by Gene
—In 2009, Newsweek lost $26.5 million [Is THAT ALL?] —Net accounts receivable of $21.9 million and other current assets of $5.8 million —Goodwill of $24.5 million [TRANSLATION: ZERO] and other non-current assets of $2.7 million —Current salaries and “accrued expenses” of $14.1 million —Current and non-current deferred revenue of $50.8 million [Divided by 20 equals....] —In terms of costs, in Q2, Newsweek had $3.9 million in write downs related to property and equipment. Additional writedowns in this area are expected in WaPo’s Q3 results, naturally. [Naturally!] Some of the stipulations in the sale agreement call for WaPo to provide Harman with “target working capital and selected equipment used in the business.” In return, he agrees to fulfill Newsweek’s subscription obligations. Against our better judgment we would not be surprised if SID!!!!! pulls it off. On the other hand we wouldn't be surprised if SID!!!!! doesn't pull it off. ...And as WaPo becomes more reliant [?] on its Kaplan education business.... It will STILL call Itself The Washington Post Company. Which alas, maybe It should.
Posted
5:43 PM
by Gene
Then again.... (First link via the tantrum Consumerist)
Posted
5:35 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:26 PM
by Gene
Ken Powell, the King of General Mills, got a 105-percent pay hike last year. Yes, mostly in options, but it's still 105 percent. I'm not financing THAT anymore.
Posted
1:05 PM
by Gene
(Via ASSPress)
Posted
8:32 AM
by Gene
![]() A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO MATEA! ![]() P. S. Did it have to appear THIS PROMINENTLY on your home page?
Posted
8:31 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: He has a bright future in Hollywood!
Posted
8:26 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:23 AM
by Gene
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Posted
7:45 PM
by Gene
U.S. District Judge William Alsup in San Francisco issued the ruling Tuesday, deciding the case without a jury. Wells Fargo changed the way it treated customers' daily debit transactions and cash withdrawals in December 2001, according to the lawsuit filed in 2007. Transactions with the highest dollar amount posted first, rather than in the order they occurred. The practice resulted in more overdrafts, with customers overdrawing their accounts by small amounts multiple times a day, according to the complaint. The change allegedly was intended to boost revenue from overdraft fees, which ranged from $18 to $35 for each overdraft. Another honest, ethical business practice from the HOLY KINGDOM OF ST. WARREN!
Posted
2:16 PM
by Gene
Rupert Murdoch claims to own the 'Sky' in 'Skype' Why not? Doesn't He own the SUN? He could sue every time someone uses it without His permission! (Via IWantMedia)
Posted
1:57 PM
by Gene
The louder the better!
Posted
12:54 PM
by Gene
Nonetheless we thought of Will Rogers and Wiley Post today, and cannot help thinking of this without a tinge of sadness. (Removed at 2:00 p. m. thanks to news hack confusion; re-posted at 5:00 p. m.)
Posted
11:38 AM
by Gene
It's Never Been Easier To Publish A Book ...for an audience of zero.
Posted
11:22 AM
by Gene
We would dispute that we've "lost" these two wars but given a few of our posts today it's hard to dispute that last sentence. This introspection-provoking zinger comes via Marty Peretz -- and we'd have gotten it sooner if FT.com hadn't contorted itself into a pretzel trying to ward off the hoi-polloi.
Posted
11:09 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:04 AM
by Gene
ROBERT "SMUG" GIBBS IS RUNNING FOR CONGRESS!!!!! P. S. at 1:00 p. m. ROBERT "SMUG" GIBBS IS NOT RUNNING FOR CONGRESS!!!!! (First link via SUPERADAM!!!!!)
Posted
10:59 AM
by Gene
Nicklaus, Palmer christen new Michigan course By MIKE HOUSEHOLDER Associated Press Writer BENTON HARBOR, Mich. (AP) -- Four of the biggest names in the history of golf are playing a round together to commemorate the opening of a new course located in one of Michigan's most impoverished communities. Jack Nicklaus, Arnold Palmer, Tom Watson and Johnny Miller teed off Tuesday morning along Lake Michigan in Benton Harbor, site of the Nicklaus-designed Golf Club at Harbor Shores. The par-71 course is the centerpiece of a 530-acre resort that eventually will include 800 residences, a deep water marina and shops and restaurants. The 18-hole scramble is a skins match. Nicklaus says it is an opportunity to highlight how golf can help with "social and economic revitalization." Don't tell me the game's getting stimulus money!
Posted
9:27 AM
by Gene
Crowley said no fund-raising for the mosque and cultural center during the trip would be permitted. "That would not be something he could do as part of our program," he said. And I'm sure THAT wouldn't be part of OUR program either.
Posted
9:17 AM
by Gene
Sex and the City's Samantha Would Want You to Get Her Box Set NO THANK YOU. ![]() AND A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO THE APTLY NAMED EUNICE!
Posted
9:09 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:42 AM
by Gene
More meaningless fake iconoclasm from a biz that creates GODDESSES. Now how can we do to the Web what Joseph Epstein did to "the liberals' Glenn Beck" and the rest of The Paper of Re-CORD?
Posted
8:37 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:12 AM
by Gene
Show 'em your patriotism, St. Warren! Monday, August 09, 2010
Posted
6:46 PM
by Gene
![]() NOW SIDSWEEK tells us!
Posted
10:16 AM
by Gene
(Via the usual Romy)
Posted
10:09 AM
by Gene
And of COURSE SLIME has to "publish" it. If anyone can do a vanishing act on "books" it's SLIME. He did a vanishing act on The Times. The WHAT? P. S. We suspect half the SLIME's staff "wrote" it.
Posted
9:43 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:33 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:28 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:26 AM
by Gene
Jeez -- I wonder why. Could it be you can't schmooze in Hollywood by spending on QUALITY?
Posted
8:43 AM
by Gene
Sunday, August 08, 2010
Posted
8:00 PM
by Gene
Don't these imbeciles have anything better to do with their time than lulling themselves into a mental coma with their fractured fairy tales, and lulling into complete torpor the peons their readers?
Posted
6:11 PM
by Gene
![]() An argument against war: Without war, starchitects wouldn't need to put up buildings like THIS.
Posted
5:55 PM
by Gene
"[B]rilliant amateurism." And we're not sure about the BRILLIANT. (Via the usual irritating AHTSJournal)
Posted
5:33 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:40 PM
by Gene
Flipboard Turns Twitter Into Your Own Magazine So who needs YOU?
Posted
3:38 PM
by Gene
How would the clockwork liberal mind rationalize such a thing? We can imagine.
Posted
11:10 AM
by Gene
Now to bore you: For the motherboard I got the EVGA X58 SLI thanks to high NewEgg rankings and the fact the company's mobos seem reliable through the whole product line. My ideal choice would have been the ASUS (AY-suhs, Ah-SOOS) P6X58D but it was considerably more expensive and some ASUS 1366 boards don't rate that well with NewEgg customers, and the low-end P6T SE works its way into ready-builts by CyberpowerPC and IBuyPower that don't rate that well either -- and what's more, PEGATRON is ASUSTeK's (AY-suhsTeK's, Ah-SOOSTeK's) OEM division. I'm worried because the EVGA board is said to have had sporadic troubles with its USB ports -- but Tom's Hardware's pick the Gigabyte X58A-UD3R had so many DOAs and RMAs and "issues" it was unacceptable; and MSI's X58 Pro-E board had heat problems; choosing was a process of elimination. This was $199 after rebates but before shipping; and even here I had to pay $26 more for the "A1" board with its dubious lifetime warranty as Systemax conveniently ran out of the cheaper "TR" version -- only to sell a "limited quantity" in-store through Circuit City. I may e-mail. For the graphics card: the EVGA GTX 460 768MB Superclocked. This too was a last-minute choice. I'd decided on an ASUS HD5770 card if only because it was cheap but then somehow I learned of this item that's become a favorite among the people who write up their free parts; and even there I had to squinch because this card has less memory than the other card in that nVidia line (1.024GB), which the free-part procurers made a point of pretentiously noting. Then NewEgg threw a foot-long monkey wrench in my plans with the briefest of sales on an MSI HD5830 card for $150 but I wasn't sure I wanted a GPU taking up my whole case. Really I could have gotten a $40 card but there must be more to videogames than first-person shooters. I'm getting a second card next year for SLI, practical or not. This was $178 before shipping. For the memory: the Corsair TR3X6G1600C9. (I HATE catalog numbers!) I was all set on some A-Data memory but TigerDirect didn't discount it and after multiple rebates this was roughly $117 -- $39 a stick, which is unheard of. (But not a year ago.) I was a little flustered because this has a 9 latency and other Corsair sticks have 8, but the problem with finding computer parts is you get hopelessly mired in all the minutiae and trivia of fanboys -- and all I wanted was the cheapest top-quality parts. I'm worried here too because this isn't on the EVGA board's QVL (you learn acronyms VERY quickly in this trade) but there's nothing a BIOS tweaking can't fix -- as if I know how to do that. Well, always a first time. For the PSU: the Corsair HX750W. This is universally praised and well-built -- it even comes with a velvet pouch! -- although I see Corsair has just introduced a superduperduper line-up of PSUs to please that social climbing streak in the geeks. I'd thought of the 850 but it had an extra set of built-in case-cluttering cords, and I'm NOT moron enough to triple-SLI or Crossfire -- nor do I have THAT much money for electricity. Both PSUs are modular, meaning not so much spaghetti wire. This was roughly $102 after multiple rebates. For the case: the AzZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! Helios 910. (These NAMES!) Again my first choice was a Cooler Master 690 series but nobody seemed to discount it when I wanted it and after a rebate and credits from the two sets of CFL bulbs I returned this was $6 from Amazon.com. NewEgg's customers seem enthusiastic toward the brand -- at least the higher end. (Who wouldn't be with a name like AzZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!?) It's a nice looking case except from the side a big fan turns it into a front-loading washing machine, and it must have blue fan LEDs. Can't the geeks grow up? One possible problem is the four built-in motherboard standoffs which several sources allege can short out a board. But it does have four BIG fans. The other items merit little comment: a Seagate 1.5TB hard drive for $65 after a rebate (a dubious value as it's gotten lots of pans from customers at many sites, not least of them Seagate's, but at 1.5TB there wasn't much choice); a Lite-On DVD burner for $19; Windows 7 Ultimate System Builder for $161. I almost got in trouble here for lots of Mug Whitman's ardent Chinese followers sell pirated MSDN keys with credible looking "retail" boxes and discs; I nearly bought a copy thinking it was gray-market. (Although the one with the peeling label on the disc WASN'T.) eBay's motto is Caveat Emp -- ALL PEOPLE ARE GOOD. What remains now is the chip, which most likely I'll have to trudge for at a nearby MicroCenter. I still need to know if the story of the 950 price cut is a fairy tale; meantime I've learned the outfit has a very limited quantity -- ONE -- of the 920 at $169. My deadline is two weeks as I have to cut all the bar codes off all the packages to get all the rebates. With almost $300 from these and the late lamented Bing Cashback there's no way I'd have made the plunge otherwise. P. S. There is unsubstantiated talk that THE LORD GOD STEVE's favorite supplier FOXCONN makes EVGA boards, an annoyance; but shouldn't we assume worker abuse and computer parts just go together? CORRECTION ON 8/10/2010 at 11:50 a. m. ASUSTeK spun off Pegatron as part of a complicated restructuring in June, but it still has a 25-percent interest, and the companies must have shared plants. (Link via Wikipedia)
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