Posted 9:35 PM by Gene

People are telling Michael Jackson jokes, and someone has to spoil the fun:

I can appreciate the wit, the craft, the subversion of these jibes and you could perhaps read them as affectionate markers of people’s abiding interest in the man. But they also make me feel faintly nauseous. Just as Jackson’s sudden demise says a lot about his poor bodily health, so the alacrity with which bystanders to his pitiful end have rushed to get their gags out says a good deal about the sickly state of our moral sense.

Who has more moral sense: the people almost forced to tell Wacko jokes because the psychotic saturation media coverage impinges on their sanity; or greedmeisters like JEFF BEZOS reminding people on His home page to give to Sony Music's favorite charity? Who has more moral sense: the people fed up with the saturation coverage, or the people who originate it?

I wouldn't tell such jokes, but I understand why others might.

Posted 6:54 PM by Gene

EDITOR'S NOTE: Iranian authorities have barred journalists for international news organizations from reporting on the streets and ordered them to stay in their offices. This report is based on the accounts of witnesses reached in Iran and official statements carried on Iranian media.

The ASSPress must remind us again in so many words that it is not reporting from Iran. Neither we'd gather is any other news organization. We understand no responsible news agency should put its employees in danger; but this mushy disclaimer attempts to excuse what has become a total abdication of duty, an impotence that benefits tyrants, and it especially grates given the marketing orgy of the last two days. When will we rise up against the news hacks?

As for the third-hand contents, need we be reminded NUKEMAN has won -- and that our All-Seeing President will probably never directly challenge him again?

Posted 5:48 PM by Gene

ANOTHER PHONY APOLOGY FROM ANOTHER HOWIE HAIRSHIRT.

IDIOT, IF YOU CLOWNS DID YOUR WORK RIGHT YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO ISSUE THESE PHONY APOLOGIES.

Sorry for the all-caps -- it's the mark of a crank -- but dammit the news biz is all about all-caps some days.

Posted 2:52 PM by Gene

The director of Michael Jackson’s comeback concerts, Kenny Ortega, has said the show must go on -- even if the King of Pop no longer can.

Although plans are not yet confirmed, Ortega -- the choreographer and director behind such hits as “Dirty Dancing,” “High School Musical” and “Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour” -- is seeking to create a tribute to the singer using some of the choreography, costuming, musical staging and films Jackson engineered for his 50-date “This Is It” concert run at London’s O2 Arena.

TRANSLATION: I WANT WHAT'S MINE!

Posted 1:46 PM by Gene

Another thorny question from Grate.com:



Well, you could use another building.

WHY MUST THE WHOLE JERNALISTIC WORLD WRITE LIKE INTERNS?

OR:



KAPLAN, INC.! ST. WARREN OF BUFFETT!! CLOSE GRATE.COM!!! NOW!!!!

OR:

S&P Cuts Washington Post Ratings On Publishing Worries

WORSE:

The company's Kaplan education business, which insulates it from the travails of the media industry, also struggled, suffering a 76% profit drop.

CLOSE GRATE.COM!!!!! NOW!!!!!

Posted 1:41 PM by Gene

“His business mind was fascinating,” Thornton said in an interview. “We’d go to meetings with bankers and Wall Street people and once I explained the language to him, he totally got it. There was no formal education there, but his natural knack was off the charts.”

Okay, Ivan, why is the estate allegedly hundreds of millions in debt?

God, there must be a ton of embarrassing statements and think pieces on the Web today. If only I could track them all down! I'd have a terminal case of the willies.

Posted 1:25 PM by Gene

The LEGENDARY biz has-been Louis Gerstner says when it came to the auto biz His Omnipotence "ask[ed] the arsonist to run the fire department"!

Well, see, His Omnipotence believes in -- redemption. If a man has the right spirit and the right attitude he can redeem himself, no many how many fires he's set, or how many people he has killed, or what kind of regime he runs. By faith in Oba -- oh, never mind.

Oh by the way, he's very gung-ho otherwise. Why use that line then, Louie? Can't these LEGENDARY ex-CEOs stay retired? Why must they always run their yaps like LEGENDARY WELCH?

Posted 11:13 AM by Gene

These Congressschmucks should either announce boldly to the world that they're proud to give our money away for nothing or stop doing it. Since they won't stop doing it they should embrace their schmuckery proudly. We suspect in private they do.

A looming $5.5 trillion federal deficit by the end of 2013 may force Congress to challenge tax laws benefiting restaurant chains, racecar track builders and a London-based liquor company. But if history is any guide, taxpayers may find more hidden expenses in financial rescue legislation yet to come.

If history is any guide we'll yet be the second coming of the Holy Roman Empire.

(Via Seeking Alpha)

Posted 11:04 AM by Gene

Not to prolong another topic but can anyone these last few days recall a picture of Farrah as sex symbol not baring her teeth? I think I know why: when she didn't she had a glum, dour look, like the pictures of her late in life. It was either teeth or glum. That famed pin-up shows a slight innocence but I wonder if she was capable of the come-hither look like the best of them. But to do that you have to be an actress, and as I said wonder if she was. But she proved celebrities can die with dignity, and in setting her example she burnished her name.

Posted 10:15 AM by Gene

And speaking of the news biz' immortal reputation (and speaking of dense hacks like Bob Bianco), in the last several days two Web sites have posted songs from Ed McMahon. Picture a dog-food salesman singing of love. NUF SAID.

Posted 10:04 AM by Gene

In other unimportant news, five more banks have failed.

Is an invisible hand applying herbicide to the green shoots? Or were they green in the mind only?

(Via The Business Insider)

Posted 9:48 AM by Gene

We really hate to write anymore about this topic, but that's all there is: USAOKAY!!!!! has embarrassed itself before, with a screaming front page for John John, and if that doesn't look bad after ten years nothing does.

And that front page for the now risible Diana from SLIME's News of the World looks pretty laugh-provoking too (although in its day it was understandable, as the British had little left but the fake pretensions of fake royalty).

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

The scum Madoff doesn't have $170 billion to forfeit, and he doesn't have the time left to serve in prison. All wish to see this muck severely punished; but when does this chugging quest for a draconian sentence become tawdry, useless symbolism, as he and his crime are beyond mortal punishment?

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

Back to an affair which our great-great-great-great granchildren will talk about: it increasingly appears this wasn't a suicide but more a Judy Garland -- although in that sense it was slow-motion suicide.

Posted 9:25 AM by Gene

In unimportant matters, two men who have served a combined, what? 70 years in Congress and intend to serve at least 200 years more rammed their carbon tax through the House, and already the peanut gallery has broken out in applause (we might save some of the clapping, John) -- and it is a measure of how thoroughly broken the news system is we doubt there is a single hack who can explain this bill properly. To be sure 1,200 pages defies comprehension, but someone must be wonk enough to digest it, and explain it. One day we'll wake up with a big fat monster in our bed (not this, perhaps, but something), and it will be there because the hacks, so obsessed with saving themselves and their infernal superiority, and so intent on talking down to their retarded audience, didn't have the guts to remove it from the bed when it was just a monster egg.

Posted 9:15 AM by Gene

DIMWIT:

"People have really taken to the idea that they're not just passive consumers of news anymore," says Aaron Smith, a researcher with the Pew Internet & American Life Project. "They're 'nodes' in the news environments themselves, and can now contribute their own thoughts on what the issue of the day is."

As we said Thursday, they may be "nodes" (cute to reduce human beings to mere techy widgets -- double-dimwit), but the system is one great big iron fist beating us into submission, as Iran has proved; and this increasing un-newslike "news" has been pushed hard by BIGMEDIA -- PEOPLE WARNER first reported it. All this demonstrates is that the Internet machine may have a zillion cogs, but often the power to get the cogs moving comes from on top.

Posted 9:10 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Marilyn Manson is a genius; after all, he's just like "van Gogh" and "Kafka" -- and we should liken Wacko to Marilyn Manson.

This isn't what Liz (who IS she and where in God's name did she come from?) wanted to say, but it says it all too aptly.

This column alone is an argument for a temporary public moratorium on news consumption.

Posted 9:01 AM by Gene

The TWXSTERS of CNN are up to their old tricks, plastering you-know-which-gloved one all over the home page while reserving a special minor section for "CNN's Iran coverage" (TRANSLATION: We couldn't report the news if Ernie Pyle and St. Edward of Murrow returned from the dead; besides, we have to do this to prove we have a conscience, even when we think about money -- which is all the time). This is the exact same unwholesome gag the FRAUDS OF USAOKAY!!!!! pulled on their front page yesterday.

Who trusts The World's Most Trusted Network?

Unfortunately PEOPLE WARNER stock hasn't suffered lately -- the one-for-three reverse split has helped -- but we can hope.

(Strange: Look up that phrase and all sorts of far-left sites adhere to it. But isn't that what it once called itself -- and what in its heart of missing hearts it still calls itself?)

Posted 6:37 PM by Gene

White House Drafts Executive Order to Allow Indefinite Detention of Terror Suspects

Wehell, there he goes again.

Posted 2:46 PM by Gene

Now: Paternity problems over Wacko's kids.

Who'd have guessed PEOPLE would do a better job than a piece of doggie doo like USAOKAY!!!!!?

Don't get us wrong: Given all the talk of GENIUS and GREATNESS the total story is getting VASTLY OVERPLAYED. Its newsworthy elements -- and there are newsworthy elements -- are getting underplayed.

Posted 2:23 PM by Gene

We spoke of refunds yesterday. Well! Some of the sucke -- fans might not get their money back.

AEG Live. Why didn't it call itself AIG Live? You don't suppose the goofy British government could bail it out?

A few isolated hacks are doing a better job with this than the usual MadAves of the newsroom.

P. S.

[F]ans who bought tickets on the second-hand market through websites such as eBay are likely to lose out. Thousands of tickets appeared on auction site [sic] with price tags of up to £1,300.

HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Posted 2:16 PM by Gene

The buzz is you’d like to be chairman of the Fed when Ben Bernanke’s term ends. Do you want that job?

MONEY HONEY® proves yet again she may be America's most overrated JERNALIST.

Posted 2:14 PM by Gene

A domestic-violence czar!

And how many czars is that, O Omnipotent Chief Czar?

(Via Politics Daily -- from the same people who bring you TMZ!)

Posted 11:26 AM by Gene

NO, GANNETT, YOU'RE NOT GOING BACK TO $90.



And NO, PVT. ZELL, YOU'RE NOT GETTING YOUR MONEY BACK.

P. S. at 6:40 p. m. Note what appears between the ads in USAOKAY!!!!!

I'm thinking of a eight-letter plural Yiddish word that rhymes with lucks, or a eight-letter compound American word that rhymes with crass and bowls.

Posted 11:20 AM by Gene

And how little of the cost for this new Michigan research center are YOU paying, Very Little Jeffy?

Posted 11:07 AM by Gene

An Uplifting Obit [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

Betty Allen, R.I.P.

06/26 10:54 AMShare

[Link SIC]

Thanks, MS. TRAVERS. Uplifting!

P. S. I know, I know, it was from the prior post, I've done it too, but I'm not the HONORARY EDITOR of the WORLD'S GREATEST GROUP BLOG.

Here's a correct link.

P. S. at 11:45 p. m. She changed the link.

Posted 9:46 AM by Gene

SNE down twenty-three cents. Oh and thanks AMAZON.COM for the opportunis -- the memorial. Don't you have anything better to do with Your zillions, Lord Jeffrey of Bezos?

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

And speaking of THE NATION'S -- er, PAPER, another CROWNING ACHIEVEMENT:

MCLEAN, Va., June 26, 2009 /PRNewswire via COMTEX/ ----USA TODAY and the National Milk Mustache "got milk?(R)" campaign named 25 scholar athletes to the 12th annual Scholar Athlete Milk Mustache of the Year (SAMMY) Award.

The 25 outstanding high school athletes will be awarded a $7,500 college scholarship, attend a SAMMY 2009 weekend June 26-28 at the Walt Disney World Complex in Orlando, Fla. with their parents and/or guardians and will be pictured in a special congratulatory "got milk?(R)" mustache ad in USA TODAY on June 26.

"USA TODAY congratulates the Milk Processor Education Program (MilkPEP) for creating and funding the SAMMY program and for recognizing young people across the United States who are top performers in the classroom, in their respective sports, communities and also include milk as part of their daily routine," said Susan Lavington, senior vice president of marketing for USA TODAY.

The 2009 SAMMY winners are:

-- Heather Lee Adams - Boise, Idaho
-- Laura Bellamy - Duluth, Minn.
-- Hannah Connealy - Whitman, Neb.
-- Lindsay Danielson - Osceola, Wis.
-- Jacquelyn Davis - League City, Texas
-- Summer Joy Dupler - Beverly Hills, Fla.
-- Elliot Toy Feng - Albuquerque, N.M.
-- Devin Guillory - Baton Rouge, La.
-- Lauren Gustafson - Columbus, Ind.
-- Arthur Stewart Kerr - Lake Forest, Ill.
-- Skyler Lashley - Lingle, Wyo.
-- Alex Lendrum - Phoenix, Ariz.
-- Amundam (Moonie) Mancho - Budd Lake, N.J.
-- Libby Marden - Overland Park, Kan.
-- Matt Mulligan - Durango, Colo.
-- Brandon Parker - Las Vegas, Nev.
-- Christian Roehmer - Mt. Pleasant, Mich.
-- Andrea Schaefer - Enterprise, Ore.
-- Rachel L. Schneider - Sanford, Maine
-- Shari' Nicole Thomas - Steubenville, Ohio
-- Clara R. Tsao - Moraga, Calif.
-- Caroline Weaver - South Burlington, Vt.
-- Rachel Elizabeth Wein - Perryville, Md.
-- Ge "Andy" Zhang - Marietta, Ga.

-- Inar Zhang - Mercer Island, Wash.

[SIC!]

The team of 25 was selected by a panel of judges from nearly 55,000 students nominated by teachers, coaches, principals, guidance counselors, athletic directors, parents and relatives. Judges considered academic performance, athletic excellence, leadership, community service and milk experience essay.

For more information on these winners, see the Friday, June 26, edition of USA TODAY or log on to www.USATODAY.com, Facebook at www.facebook.com/usatoday or Twitter at www.twitter.com/usatmedialounge.

Education partners for the SAMMY 2009 award program include: the American Association of School Administrators, the National Association of Sport and Physical Education, the American School Counselor Association and the National School Public Relations Association.

Body By Milk(R) is part of the National Milk Mustache "got milk?(R)" Campaign, a multi-faceted education program focused on the health benefits of milk. The campaign is managed by the Milk Processor Education Program (MilkPEP) in Washington, D.C., which is funded by the nation's milk processors, who are committed to increasing fluid milk consumption. Lowe New York is the creative agency for the National Milk Mustache "got milk?(R)" Campaign.

USA TODAY was founded in 1982 with a mission to serve as a forum for better understanding and unity to help make the USA truly one nation. Through its flagship newspaper and popular Web site, USA TODAY engages the national conversation and connects readers online through social media applications. USA TODAY, the nation's top-selling newspaper with a total average daily circulation of more than 2.1 million, and USATODAY.com, an award-winning newspaper Web site which launched in 1995, reach a combined 5.8 million readers daily. The USA TODAY news and information brand also includes: USA TODAY Education, USA TODAY LIVE, USA TODAY Mobile, Open Air magazine and USA TODAY Sports Weekly. USA TODAY is owned by Gannett Co., Inc. (NYSE: GCI).

SOURCE USA TODAY

http://www.usatoday.com

[Emphasis and link added]

Our congratulatons to the winners -- and NO THANKS TO USAOKAY!!!!!!!!!!

(Via G000,000,000GLE Finance)

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

And speaking of Romy, here's a new name to remember: Harvey Levin. Now why couldn't the rest of the biz show his moxie?

P. S. If LALA is correct TMZ must have broken the news seconds before I clicked on the story. Talk about lucky! No more ratholes here!

Posted 8:47 AM by Gene

"The cover price of a newspaper acknowledges that news has a value, a price worth paying" [Romy link]

Another topic for today. We pay for many things that have little value. Think of our taxes. How much of them goes to schemes and frauds? Or think of name-brand consumer goods. How much of their price goes to profit margins and advertising fiefdoms? Before the allegedly sudden news biz' collapse it was extremely profitable; today, despite debt-connected losses in the billions and whole companies going broke, it is still profitable. Just because we pay for something doesn't mean it has value; and every day the value of newsgathering approaches what we pay for it on the Web -- zero.

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

Why did it have to be a CONSERVATIVE? Why did it have to be Jo-NAH?

And Jo-NAH isn't off the hook; he was one of the first to lift ST. TIMOTHY into the heavens.

Posted 8:32 AM by Gene

The much vaunted 140-CHARACTER FAD's search function failed last night. Back to the drawing board!

(Via Seeking Alpha)

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

Close: it may be linked to "painkilling drugs." I think the odds this was a suicide just went up.

Posted 8:15 AM by Gene

Now would be a good time to talk of the hacks' use of the various forms of the first-person plural. It is more than justified in speaking of our commonalities: our country, our soldiers, our president; on the local level it's justified too: our mayor, our schools, and the sports teams too. Where the hacks seem most enthusiastic in using it is to obliterate differences in taste while pushing conformity, especially in show-biz matters. This is the good ol' USAOKAY!!!!! first-person plural. We loved Farrah Fawcett. We loved Michael Jackson. Maybe you did; maybe I didn't. (And the people "we" usually love most people couldn't care less about.) This is a variation of that hoary Our Town gag to get us thinking these high-earning effete show-biz-crazy snobs are just like us. No -- you're JUST LIKE YOU. Please respect our differences and try not to paper over them with your egregious use of the first-person plural.

Today it must be all over the place; I intend to find out as little as possible.

P. S. I've mentioned Our Town before in this sense, as though to denigrate it. Don't get me wrong; it's one of the most profound and moving plays ever written. But good things can always be put to bad uses.

Posted 8:10 AM by Gene

Hadn't thought about this: the estate. That should keep lawyers happy for years.

Posted 9:21 PM by Gene

And as the hacks prepare yet again to narcotize their victims comes this thoroughly dispiriting account of how the Internet can help the bad guys. It might seem odd at first but consider: the Web, though zillions of flash points, is one body, easily controlled by those with the tools. Nokia and Siemens supposedly gave the bad guys some tools (although now they say they didn't, chuckle chuckle). The cretins at Cisco Systems and G000,000,000GLE and Yahoo! helped the Chinese government silence dissidents. With every passing day the Web, for all its velvet-glove warm fuzzies, looks ever more like a worldwide iron fist.

Posted 8:01 PM by Gene

How surprising: G000,000,000GLE makes big money from scams that tout making money through G000,000,000GLE when the only outfit making money off G000,000,000GLE is G000,000,000GLE with all the ads and hits for the scams.

"Do no evil" went out the window a LONG time ago.

Posted 6:32 PM by Gene

More need-to-know news from the people who seem to be underreporting everything -- even the stuff you'd think they'd make money from:

Among the attractions that first lady Michelle Obama has planned for the 2,000 guests expected at this evening's Hawaiian-themed congressional picnic on the White House lawn: a "dunk tank" that will allow contestants to take a shot at plunging various members of President Obama's staff into the drink -- including White House spokesman Robert Gibbs and White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel.

TRANSLATION: I think we won't hear about Iran again until NUKEMAN makes another speech -- and probably not then.

Posted 6:05 PM by Gene

If the Nine Fingers hadn't ruled that a strip search of a thirteen-year-old girl wasn't unConstitutional I'd say the time would have come for them to get new fingers.

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

STUNNING NEWS, however you look at it. Jacko was the largest larger than life fool there was. We suppose the apologists the rock mu-SICK cri-TICKS (who will be CRAWLING out of the woodworks these next few days like the last infestation of termites) will excuse him for his GENIUS, which consisted largely of a beat and his (to put it politely) androgyny; but there is no getting over his incessant weirdness, and there is no overcoming the fact that this guilty child molester was "proved" innocent.

P. S. What are the chances he took his own life? Not exactly microscopic, I'd say. If so it's a wonder it didn't happen sooner.

P. P. S. at 6:07 p. m. The more I think of it the more utterly the word tragedy applies to his life -- if anything it's an understatement. Jacko went from being the clean-faced clean-living boy-king of Motown to a rancid joke. Several people especially deserve the credit for this, and we know who they are.

P. P. P. S. at 6:14 p. m. The TMZ story was dated 5:20. So far only DA POST!!!!! and SFGate are mentioning this, and they appear to be only parroting the news. Nothing from the AUGUST BODIES who've underreported on His Omnipotence custard eating.

TMZ now says Jacko dead at the scene.

6:25 p. m. THE MESS says LALA confirms. LALA confirms.

6:36 p. m. 1. UCLA Medical Center must be a war zone. How many news choppers can fit in the air space? 2. Some major weirdness is probably already breaking out on the Web, one way or another. 3. I can't imagine the logistics of refunding all those people for all those concerts. I'd guess the promoters are insured but you wonder how long it will take.

6:43 p. m. ROGER's likening him to MM and Elvis, which, in some ways, may not be that flattering a comparison.

6:48 p. m. AP finally at 6:34 -- about 70 minutes after TMZ, and almost an hour after I found it.

If you think the hacks have served up a solid diet of tripe these last few months -- wait for the next few days. People are drooling wallpaper and special sections. No, GanNETt, it won't get your stock above $4.00. I'd say the cable "news" nuisances are already unwatchable but that's par for their sand-trap-riddled course.

6:58 p. m. I feel for the family, which has already been through enough for twenty lifetimes. What will they do? That jackinapes "Col." "Tom" "Parker" turned Elvis's funeral into a backwater circus -- but most people didn't know about the drugs. Jacko's hangers-on and the bloodsucking media could turn it into fifty rings. My advice: mourn quietly and privately -- the leeches will be out wherever you go, and best to starve them.

7:07 p. m. Let's hope there's no Thomas Noguchi to screw up the autopsy.

7:17 p. m. Sometime tomorrow, somebody -- I'm predicting GRATE.com, or Salon, or one of Romy's permalinks -- will wail portentously: "Did WE kill Michael Jackson? Did we break his heart with our constant ridicule?" Well, we must paraphrase an old saying of Euripides: "Whom the gods would destroy they first make mad" -- mad being in an ironical sense, but the gods who rule over us being thoroughly unironical; and the gods of bigmedia are nothing if not playing a mind game, whose purpose is to drive us all mad.

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

EDITOR'S NOTE: Iranian authorities have barred journalists for international news organizations from reporting on the streets and ordered them to stay in their offices. This report is based on the accounts of witnesses reached in Iran and official statements carried on Iranian media. (From the Yahoo! News home page)

Look, we know you guys have your limits, but you managed to STOP AN UNJUST WAR, didn't you? If you can STOP AN UNJUST WAR you can certainly find out what's going on in Iran, instead of reporting on His Omnipotence's eating habits, or spending as much of the news hole as possible ridiculing Gov. Sanford SOLELY because he's a CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICAN.

Oh, you don't have time to report the news! Very well. The TWXSTERS' rathole TMZ says Jacko's all but dying after a heart attack, so you can distract us with that for the next two weeks.

Posted 2:46 PM by Gene

Farrah Fawcett was never quite my cup of tea, despite her popularity in my youth -- overcoiffed, overtoothed, her eyes a bit too close together -- and I doubt she was ever much of an actress (except maybe for those roles designed to erase the stereotype of the pin-up airhead, which could never quite be erased); but she died with as much dignity and grace as a celebrity in a paparazzi age can, and she should be remembered kindly just for that.

Posted 11:24 AM by Gene

Computer-engineered mass groupthink and machines with "free will" -- with any luck, the human race will have killed itself before these whiz-bang fantasies become real; the only question is whether man or the machines will do the killing.

Posted 11:03 AM by Gene

IT'S NOW OFFICIALLY A ROCK-'EM, SOCK-'EM SUMMER! SOURCES TELL ME THAT PARAMOUNT'S TRANSFORMERS 2: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN TODAY HAS SHATTERED THE WEDNESDAY OPENING RECORD SET BY HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX!!!!! [Rock-'em, sock-'em overemphasis added]

Hey $UPERNIKKI! Why didn't you sell to SUMNER?!?

Posted 10:58 AM by Gene

Shucks, James Dickeyson seems a little...disappointed that Iran is conforming to the views of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL "right-wing American pundits".

Into each life a little rain must fall -- but could someone please stop the deluge at ZEITGEIST?

Posted 7:00 AM by Gene

Will recent events make NUKEMAN a pariah?



The WORRRRULD COMMU-NI-TY has answered the question.

Posted 6:20 PM by Gene

For those of you looking for Sophia, here's a picture from VanityFair.com (how could you guess?) of professional surfers instead.

We have not gazed at all the pictures but we rather hope none of these healthy specimens bears a tattoo. What woman in her right mind at that age would boast of a purple-blue blob on her skin -- especially one as well-toned as these?

(Originally posted at 5:00 p. m.; switched to preserve place of honor)

Posted 6:16 PM by Gene

The Os-CAR® people have doubled the number of BEST-PICTYURE nominees.

Posted 4:55 PM by Gene

Stories like the idiot Gov. Sanford's would have SHOCKED!!!!! people once. I react to them with a low-grade disdain. We expect our ruling superiors to flout the laws of God and man, and thanks to their charmed circumstances to get the second chances they don't deserve; we further know most of the guilty parties believe they did nothing wrong. (It is also a BI-PARTISAN pestilence despite the intense efforts of the hacks.) Moreover, whatever their own brains tell them, folks like these are not very bright. Besides, people who can't lay off their zippers won't lay off our wallets. The best for cretins like the Gov. and Sen. Ensign to do is to fade away like the old soldier, which can only mean their idiot lights will still shine their unwanted beams on the public.

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

That coverage of the Iran revolt has degenerated into news hack buzzwords means it's effectively over.

Posted 3:28 PM by Gene

Hey GOP! I've got a new motto:

Republicans -- We ARE Sexier!

Posted 2:08 PM by Gene

Now that the crisis is over can the CABLE NEWS NITWITS go back to doing what they did before?

Posted 1:54 PM by Gene

The precipitous decline of network-TV ratings might have one other good effect --- it might put TV ad-blurbists like BOB out of business.

BOB! ED McMAHON DID NOT CURE CANCER!!!!!

Posted 1:42 PM by Gene

I certainly wouldn't expect this from Zeitgeist.com, not from JonBoy, definitely not from America's Top PR Man Devin, but there is something to the piece. No, I don't want to see Neda die either. And icons can be deceiving. Look at the Napalm Girl (mentioned here), whom hacks of a certain age conjure every night in their sleep. Their P-Ulitzer-winning victory over our side in Vietnam led to hundreds of thousands of non-napalm dead. Already people may think of Neda's death as just another videogame. That may serve the holy cockroaches. We know well enough from THE CONSPIRACY what happens when people get shot. Yes, there's something pornographic about this obsession with making her an episode of CSI. At the risk of conjuring a Congressional cliché, let us not remember how Neda died, but how she lived.

Posted 12:28 PM by Gene

Here we thought South Carolina's governor had merely taken a long hike when it turns out he hiked to another continent! That improves on the idea: Ruling superiors, hike out of America!

Pfffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Professional college basketball will never get its comeuppance because it, like certain banks, is too big to fail.

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: After $UPERNIKKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s $tunning $ale The Wax is either jealous or ready to sell herself. We both, however, should pay attention to a key sentence in your story:

The individual knowledgeable about the purchase price said it would be paid out over several years.

So -- it could be $14 million or not. It could be a sale like a chunk of Facebook, or AOL. Remember when G000,000,000GLE bought a piece of AOL?

Why do we pay so much attention to these loudmouths?

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

And here were [SIC!] on in June 2009, and they're just now dealing with this issue of missing appraisals and income-verification docs. When a bank gets to be the size of Citigroup, it should have exemplar [SIC!] standars [SIC!].

Eye agre!

Posted 9:25 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The Iranians come up with their version of a Congressional ethics committee or a newspaper ombudsman.

Posted 7:31 PM by Gene

From the voice of LALA, exciting news of penal rehabilitation:

Phil Spector will be allowed jam sessions with fellow prisoners

And furthermore...

...[O]ften a mumble with an occasional burst of profanity.... (From the home-page blurb)

...an apt eulogy for our 37th president.

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

Con-SER-va-tives have made a big thing of Gov. Sanford's woody trek. We say he has set an outstanding example. We would like to see more of our elected superiors take long, long, LONG hikes, the longer the better.

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

BUSHISM!



NO, OBAMAISM!

What's the diff?

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

Why shouldn't people pay to access news Web sites on iPhones? These same people text while driving. Let them pay for it.

Posted 5:24 PM by Gene

Alas, when His Omnipotence can finally be egged into saying what happened in Iran may not have been decent, we can only assume this latest Internet fad is over.

We hope we are wrong.

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

Speaking of ads, there's little to say of you-know-who's sidekick except to say he sold beer, dog food and suspicious magazine contests, and no small thanks to all that selling he came across as somewhat shady, but he was in the right place at the right time, and he defended his spot an exceptionally long time, long enough to qualify one as "LEGENDARY".

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

When a ten-watt ad-biz brightlight lectures his peers on drug ads (without naming names, of course), we know the outcome: more offensive drug ads financing more offensive shows.

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

ARCHDaily DEUX!



"Carboard Cloud", it says here. What if those were 10,000-ton clouds?

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

ARCHDaily!



Where's the rest of the plane?

Oh! It's a church? I'd love to see this one fly.

Posted 2:45 PM by Gene

What the heck does a movie ad-blurbist know about economics?

Posted 10:44 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: What we hacks have done for His Omnipotence we can do for HIS CABINET.

Posted 6:00 PM by Gene

Oh, and remember when said occupant at said address made a speech at a football factory with crosses? Now Catholic EHDYUKAYTORS are busy scratching their heads at how to anticipate the next gas expulsion and PR embarrassment, which means they'll draft a text, and make some more speeches, and in the end the Catholic Church will still run athletic complexes with crosses.

Posted 5:52 PM by Gene

The Paper of Re-CORD may be slightly queasy reporting on a certain fellow at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., but it has no qualms selling us the latest 'n' greatest from HASBRO FILMS!

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO DAVE ITZKOFF!

Posted 5:44 PM by Gene

Seeking Alpha MUST link to a blogger who obsessively follows the financial news from 1930.

Where's HITLER?

Posted 5:34 PM by Gene

You know, Real-TORS®, there must have been an easier and cheaper way to build haunted houses.

But why make them 50 stories tall?

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

ARCHDaily!



$3 million Porta-Potties!

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

"I bet a ton of people would have wanted a book full of content they can already get for free online. You know, like that best-selling IMDB book." Oops!

You may find it funny now, Joe, but let's see what happens five years after the merry-go-round breaks down.

(Via The Business Insider, which is also good at useless links)

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

Bob Gibbs, the uber-editor who hands out the assignments to the hacks to report on flies and custard, has now told his underlings to say we'll reach ten percent unemployment "within the next few months".

I would not have said that, Bob -- out of your mouth it means next month.

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

Why do we think a small legion of hangers-on will follow the slime Bernie into jail?

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

A hed to launch a thousand jokes:

The Best Advice Warren Buffett Ever Gave Bill Gates

How about:

Bill, read The Economist. It'll make you look smart.

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

The deaths of young protesters in Iran is a heart-wrenching thing, but gruesome videos alone can't bring down the tyrants. The protesters have to stand for something. It appears now all they stand for is that an election was rigged, and a few of their companions horribly lost their lives. We know Iran's various presidential "candidates" stood pretty much united in building nukes. Are the protesters willing to make a clean break from the Holy Stone-Age all-seers and Nukeman? Are they willing to reclaim their great civilization? Or is this just a romantic fling for the young, and a hope for an easier version of Yayaism? How serious they are will determine whether their movement is just another Internet fad. People of conscience everywhere should be on their side -- and in the end, they have to show the courage too.

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

Obama, 47, and his aides haven’t answered directly when asked whether the president has completely broken the habit since winning the White House.

TRANSLATION: His Omnipotence will puff away long after his regulatory regime starts to resemble Prohibition.

What's the difference between a liberal smoker and a conservative one? The liberal can swat flies and eat custard.

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

Speaking of beggars LEGENDARY WELCH is selling an online MBA, which means he's trying to perfect old P. T. Barnum's maxim. Or to paraphrase that other quotemaster Mencken, you can't go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people -- especially when they think they can improve upon it.

Posted 4:53 PM by Gene

Speaking of reeducation, Romy's bosses have launched a well-hidden series about how the top brass at Scientology could use a little clear. That topic, one fears, has become what His Omnipotence is -- something the hacks don't want to talk about, basically because they're chicken. It shouldn't take much courage to know if these chest-thumpers have also been knocking a few heads on the side, but stories about flies and custard say that even in such fundamentals the hacks don't want to do right.

Posted 4:47 PM by Gene

GEORGE SOROS!!!!!!!!!! must have disbursed a small fortune lately (and you can be sure but for the chance to put His NAZI RIGHT!!!!! enemies into concentration camps He'd make the unrepentant Scrooge look like Andrew Carnegie building a few libraries), for the last few weeks I've encountered Greenpeace robots on street corners. To me they're glorified beggars. The vagrant goes searching for change; so do these robots. Actually the robots are worse because they're as perky as the emcees of the CBS Evening News and the morning plugfests, and at the end of the day I really don't want to smile. They do; hence they remind me of a beggar I shall call Mr. Stump, who had a face redecorated by a butcher, and who'd use his stump and his crutches to opportunistically block the sidewalk. When the robots start moving they're programmed to look you in the eye and follow your every move so you can't get by them. The irony is their bosses would have been TOBACCO LOBBYISTS in a more honest time. If GEORGE!!!!! is going to waste His money why can't He build a few American reeducation centers?

(See post of 8/11/2009.)

Posted 5:42 PM by Gene

Does His Omnipotence admitting maybe the Iranian government isn't so great qualify as an apology?

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

ARCHDaily!



America's first permanent mayor, who has already had extensive consultations with doctors regarding the cryonic chamber, is bidding still more for THE GAMES. We would not want to bet against this cubbyhole being demolished as either a. it becomes a convenient place for sexual assaults or b. because it will fall under the high-maintenance weight of its "geometric complexities" (for which the project is no doubt substantially over budget -- but hey, that's what THE STIMULUS is for).

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

An update of a past post: Wherehouse.com did refund me for my album, so I take back what I said.

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

Last night I had another struggle with my belief that we're living in an age of cultural GENIUS. Going back over past entries and suddenly yearning to revisit the APTour -- you know, those sappy self-pitying droners who appeal inordinately to teenage girls -- I went on their site to be confronted with the ever-damned nuisance of some audio starting up whether you wanted it to or not. I was instantly confronted by some GENIUSES who named their act for a state, a definite article attached (they probably don't know it's a state, or that equipped with a definite article it helped instigate a war, and they might further not know as they came from another state, which they might not know is a state either); hearing the chordal progressions and angst I could clearly say that though I don't know much about modern musical GENIUS and had never heard of these greats before (nor ever again I trust) I'd heard their tune a million times over. Going onto Amazon.com I saw some happily anonymous blurb writer boasted that thanks to the Web 600 people!!!!! turned out for their debut!!!!! The album was at around 12,800, meaning it probably sells three or four copies a week if that, either to people who ran into the APTour site and LIKED it, or who didn't know better, or most likely both.

Part of the aforementioned GOD's genius was knowing most people hate pop albums because they're mostly filler. Filler is nothing new in music; symphonies have too much of it. But filler by Bruckner is apt to be more filling than an excuse for the seventh contractually-obligated song on a CD. Ol' Blue is to blame. When you sang as he could loading up albums with Gershwins and Van Heusens you don't need to worry of filler. But not every songwriter is a Gershwin or Van Heusen, and the geniuses of our time defiantly boast to the world that they are NOT, meaning even their masterworks' lead tunes sound like filler. Pop cannot come back for too many reasons, but when anybody can record an album, and anybody thinks he can copy some fifth hand chordal progressions and whine on top about a girlfriend, and further thinks the resulting mess worthy of leading off an album, it is a big reason.

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

I am tired of hearing about GOD's liver. Of course everyone wishes Him a complete recovery. But is GOD more deserving of a transplant than someone else, especially given this GOD is not a very likable GOD? Or does humanity hang in the balance for His producing vastly overpriced gadgets? We wonder.