THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Saturday, May 23, 2009
Okay, one more post:
See, the architects who get their neuroses plastered over ARCHDaily are capable of attractive, livable things, like this house....
...and then they have their conniptions and give us a "vertical farm" in Manhattan (shouldn't that be in Dubai?)...
...and that's why we're not giving up on ARCHDaily!
See, the architects who get their neuroses plastered over ARCHDaily are capable of attractive, livable things, like this house....
...and then they have their conniptions and give us a "vertical farm" in Manhattan (shouldn't that be in Dubai?)...
...and that's why we're not giving up on ARCHDaily!
YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO GET A CREDIT CARD ANYMORE UNLESS YOU'RE RICH!!!!! AND IT'S PART OF A SCHEME BY GEORGE SOROS TO....
Wait a second. We thought the rich were con-SER-va-tives' heroes!
We didn't think we'd have anything to post today, not being in a mood (especially with all our Sophia fans), but we do thank MATT for the opportunity, whoever he is.
Wait a second. We thought the rich were con-SER-va-tives' heroes!
We didn't think we'd have anything to post today, not being in a mood (especially with all our Sophia fans), but we do thank MATT for the opportunity, whoever he is.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Sigggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, to all of you who don't read my posts, here's another Daily Mail picture of another plus-size beauty-pageant contestant. If you can't beat 'em....
Happy news:
Q1 Radio Revenue Tumbles 24%
And of course the LOWSY MAYSES are responding with all sorts of format changes and cancellations. (No more Kenny G in Chicago! Shucks!) The problem, however, is not the economy. The problem is an industry that amalgamated into irrelevance, whose very amalgamation allowed it to put advertisers first and the listeners an extremely distant LAST. The LOWSIES are paying a richly-deserved reward, and, to use their parlance, we hope THE HITS JUST KEEP ON COMING.
Q1 Radio Revenue Tumbles 24%
And of course the LOWSY MAYSES are responding with all sorts of format changes and cancellations. (No more Kenny G in Chicago! Shucks!) The problem, however, is not the economy. The problem is an industry that amalgamated into irrelevance, whose very amalgamation allowed it to put advertisers first and the listeners an extremely distant LAST. The LOWSIES are paying a richly-deserved reward, and, to use their parlance, we hope THE HITS JUST KEEP ON COMING.
PERFESSER SHAFER seems a little...nonplussed that the KINGSTER FIBS. Perhaps he would not be so nonplussed -- if so many of his fellow BIGMEDIA types hadn't spent the last three decades making him THE GREATEST INTERVIEWER EVER.
(Via MediaBistro)
Krauthammer, and the assorted wingnuts he is parroting....
No, we can do better than that, ANONYMOUS:
KRAUTHAMMER, and the ASSORTED WINGNUTS he is PARROTING....
A little more, ANONYMOUS:
KRAUTHAMMER!!!!!!!!!!, AND THE ASSORTED WINGNUTS!!!!!!!!!! HE IS PARROTING!!!!!!!!!!....
THAT'S better.
You don't suppose "CAN ANYONE HERE EDIT THIS RAG?" STENGEL is looking on with a certain envy at JonBoy -- and may want to cut his circ too?
No, we can do better than that, ANONYMOUS:
KRAUTHAMMER, and the ASSORTED WINGNUTS he is PARROTING....
A little more, ANONYMOUS:
KRAUTHAMMER!!!!!!!!!!, AND THE ASSORTED WINGNUTS!!!!!!!!!! HE IS PARROTING!!!!!!!!!!....
THAT'S better.
You don't suppose "CAN ANYONE HERE EDIT THIS RAG?" STENGEL is looking on with a certain envy at JonBoy -- and may want to cut his circ too?
Thursday, May 21, 2009
This incredible story will stir little interest here but reminds us that what may seem cataclysmic to us can be boring when it happens in another country, which to us is on another planet.
The good news: SLIME's talent contest is in decline. The bad news: It's still way ahead of everything else so He can torture us with it forever.
(Via I Want Media)
(Via I Want Media)
This is a dreadful story, but we must resist undamming the tear ducts because this murderess ultimately showed worse than the unlove she claims to have endured for herself, and thus did a very selfish act indeed, whatever its criminality.
We've done variations on this theme before, but TNR.com just committed self-parody:
Now imagine this on the other shoe:
Barack Obama, Demagogue
NRO Wins Best Political Coverage...!
NRO Exclusive -- Democrats Lack Intellectual Integrity...!
When anyone can pull this gag it's a gag not worth pulling. Knee-jerk lockstep thinking and self-congratulation can combine for a pretty bad case of mental heartburn. Newspapers are dying because they pulled this same gag differently. Web sites could die the same death differently too.
TNR Exclusive -- Rove Lacks Intellectual Integrity! [DOUBLE SIC!] Posted 12:59 PM | 05.21.09
Now imagine this on the other shoe:
Barack Obama, Demagogue
NRO Wins Best Political Coverage...!
NRO Exclusive -- Democrats Lack Intellectual Integrity...!
When anyone can pull this gag it's a gag not worth pulling. Knee-jerk lockstep thinking and self-congratulation can combine for a pretty bad case of mental heartburn. Newspapers are dying because they pulled this same gag differently. Web sites could die the same death differently too.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
LEGENDARY WELCH FOR PRESIDENT!
A stopped CEO....
I wonder...does this make him THE WORLD'S WORST PERSON, or is he exempt?
A stopped CEO....
I wonder...does this make him THE WORLD'S WORST PERSON, or is he exempt?
The Big V, commenting on SLIME's new tentpole, gives us an idea: Why not call them circuses? They're all about being "[b]igger, longer, and even more chaotically crowded (more stars! more f/x!)". They're certainly not about art, nor about people.
There are very good reasons news hacks should earn as close to zero as possible. The hacks are after all information dispensers, much like a computer; their facts can be melted down into two sentences or a graph. This is hardly high-paying work. Where hacks attempt to justify themselves is by "adding value", which usually means adding bias or conjecture or snark. These aren't justifications for paying them; indeed they're a good reason to dock them still more pay as they add what we frequently don't want. We know a Mike Royko when we see one. We also know the hordes of idiots who inflict their spin and selling on us, and who definitely deserve to earn zero.
The hacks who go chuckle chuckle over teen pregnancies (especially teen pregnancies of the daughters of people we can't stand strictly for politics) would do well to read this one, even if it is from PEOPLE.
Ben Frankenstein's former sidekick has given us another reason not to watch television. We're just surprised all those HIP media buyers and other dense reverse Robin Hoods didn't carry him out of the hall on their shoulders -- although from the sounds of it the best mode of transit would have been on a rail.
Ub Iger probably phoned his congratulations.
(Via MediaBistro)
P. S. at 9:18 a. m. SUPERNIKKI!!!!! says this is part of a grand "tradition" of having our superiors knock their own programming while feeling totally smug lording it over us. I stick by my comments.
Ub Iger probably phoned his congratulations.
(Via MediaBistro)
P. S. at 9:18 a. m. SUPERNIKKI!!!!! says this is part of a grand "tradition" of having our superiors knock their own programming while feeling totally smug lording it over us. I stick by my comments.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
We probably shouldn't make fun of Obamotors' new Tinycars. We need to save energy for the time the free-market supporting speculators drive the price of oil back up to $150. Hummers were obscene even before John Stossel fell in love with himself. But we wonder: how does the CEO of Obamotors intend to meet his goal? With lots of teeny tiny cars -- and imports from China and India; this looks like a job for -- TATA! Not being owned by the government may free Ford (and foreign car makers) from concentrating on minivehicles. Then again perhaps the CEO is ready to crowd us into half-pint VWs because he was, after all, a professor, and professors know better.
In no small thanks to JONBOY we are close to capitalizing his pronoun again.
In no small thanks to JONBOY we are close to capitalizing his pronoun again.
Today a Barkenbeit barked at me for no cause which made me again ponder the reasons people get Barkenbeits (i.e., German shepherds, Rottweilers, and their honorary cousins pit bulls): 1. To bite meter readers and postal clerks, 2. To annoy the neighbors in the night, and 3. To maim or kill children. Of course people don't get these -- pets for these reasons, but it works out that way. We'd wager Barkenbeits bite more meter readers and postal clerks than burglars, and they maim more children than they deter murderers. Of course there's no way of proving it, but you figure dogs as mean looking as Barkenbeits aren't there to cuddle with -- and who'd want to cuddle up to the typical Rottweiler? I suppose their fans point to their constant barking as a "deterrent". Auto alarms at 2 a.m. may be a deterrent also -- to what we don't know. And they're even more effective at barking than Barkenbeits.
And their fans have excuses:
In the US, the Rottweiler was the number one breed of dog named in fatal human attacks in 2000, in a report by the CDC[8]. These reports must be read in the context of the breed's popularity as it was the most popular breed in the United States in the same period.
Oh.
In fairness we've no doubt some of the Barkenbeits are beautiful, friendly dogs. But too many of them are Barkenbeits.
And their fans have excuses:
In the US, the Rottweiler was the number one breed of dog named in fatal human attacks in 2000, in a report by the CDC[8]. These reports must be read in the context of the breed's popularity as it was the most popular breed in the United States in the same period.
Oh.
In fairness we've no doubt some of the Barkenbeits are beautiful, friendly dogs. But too many of them are Barkenbeits.
Oh dear oh dear:
Hamptons Homes Decline Most Since Realtors Kept Records in 1982
How will they ever afford those expensive new microcars?
Hamptons Homes Decline Most Since Realtors Kept Records in 1982
How will they ever afford those expensive new microcars?
I shouldn't complain: I am happier getting a hundred hits a day than five. But that practically all seem to come from people (I would use the word I have in mind but won't) looking up pictures of Sophia Loren or women in bikinis discourages me. To those few who linger on my blog, please, peruse it for more than the occasional picture of a pretty woman I've posted (and I posted that Sophia Loren photo twenty months ago as part of a post on the idiot SUMNER's "longevity" "secrets"). I may not be the world's greatest blogger, but I do think I deserve better than hits for bikinis.
"[Y]ou need turn off your computer, turn off your phone, look at the people who are near and around you, and decide that humans are the most important things, not the other aspects."
Maybe hypocrite is too strong a word for Mr. Schmidt of G000,000,000,000GLE. Then again, with a market cap still over $125 BILLION, maybe it isn't.
Maybe hypocrite is too strong a word for Mr. Schmidt of G000,000,000,000GLE. Then again, with a market cap still over $125 BILLION, maybe it isn't.
Monday, May 18, 2009
ARCHDaily!
FLINTSTONES! MEET THE FLINTSTONES!
This should win an award from the BEDROCK INSTITOOT OF ARCHITECTS!
FLINTSTONES! MEET THE FLINTSTONES!
This should win an award from the BEDROCK INSTITOOT OF ARCHITECTS!
We don't know who John Gruden is, but we know who TONY KORN is, and it seems the grand experiment has failed, however much TONY may say he fears flying.
Guess: The sports dweeb sites are ecstatic.
P. S. Even though he won a Super Bowl. Shows how ignorant we is.
Guess: The sports dweeb sites are ecstatic.
P. S. Even though he won a Super Bowl. Shows how ignorant we is.
Magazines are headed for the recycling bin so long as they keep repeating themselves. The New! Improved! Zeitgeist is doomed because it's obvious JonBoy is happy with himself. Meantime SUPERADAM!!!! has unleashed a tiresome story about how wonderful our myriad digital distractions are, underlining two big problems with the magazine feature: 1. It disguises its tiresome thinking in a veneer of trendy iconoclasm, and 2. It takes 10,000 words to do so, which may lead to more reader multitasking. God knows what the solution is to magazines. Three-graf stories won't do. But neither will today's magazines.
(First link via MediaBistro)
(First link via MediaBistro)
• Harvard Crimson Editors Flee Journalism as News Failures Ravage Profession
Gasp! Where will all the effete slanters come from?
Gasp! Where will all the effete slanters come from?
The Daily Kaplan introduces its "new" -- blogger Mr. Journolist, but below that on the home page lurks this peculiar link:
Accounting Trick to Be Banned
But as any daily news consumer knows no tricks are banned in the news trade.
Accounting Trick to Be Banned
But as any daily news consumer knows no tricks are banned in the news trade.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
If it's Sunday it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:
1. CEOs are antsy to get themselves back in Hollywood just as Lord Aubrey wants to stay in the NBA, and it seems they'll do anything to finance their schmoozing -- in this case corporate advertising, the single biggest waste of money since the first ad campaign. But remember, advertising isn't about selling.
Coming on the heels of most of these same companies financing junk TV by insisting they're just as angry as their customers, they've given us another reason to be angrier.
2. Cheerios First in FDA Firing Line. Who's Next?
Whoever sells another cereal as a drug is next. If anything a lot of MadAve's charlatans may feel the Big G didn't go far enough -- it should have sold Cheerios as guaranteeing an after life, or at least letting you live to be 200. Go on MadAve, make more preposterous claims! Make us ANGRIER!
1. CEOs are antsy to get themselves back in Hollywood just as Lord Aubrey wants to stay in the NBA, and it seems they'll do anything to finance their schmoozing -- in this case corporate advertising, the single biggest waste of money since the first ad campaign. But remember, advertising isn't about selling.
Coming on the heels of most of these same companies financing junk TV by insisting they're just as angry as their customers, they've given us another reason to be angrier.
2. Cheerios First in FDA Firing Line. Who's Next?
Whoever sells another cereal as a drug is next. If anything a lot of MadAve's charlatans may feel the Big G didn't go far enough -- it should have sold Cheerios as guaranteeing an after life, or at least letting you live to be 200. Go on MadAve, make more preposterous claims! Make us ANGRIER!
Both sides almost intentionally talked past each other, as we'd have expected, but The One did rah-rah for the athletic program, which confirms that Notre Dame is a football factory decorated with puzzling crosses, and that this GE BANCORP appendage did itself a favor.
The Main Story [Kathryn Jean Lopez]
on the Drudge Report is driving me nuts. The Vatican has not been silent.
05/17 02:10 PM
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Hey Ms. Travers! Maybe if you stopped using WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!! to read MMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMMMM stories without getting your hands dirty you wouldn't drive yourself nuts!
That's okay -- you can always drive US nuts for compensation.
on the Drudge Report is driving me nuts. The Vatican has not been silent.
05/17 02:10 PM
ShareHey Ms. Travers! Maybe if you stopped using WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!! to read MMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMMMM stories without getting your hands dirty you wouldn't drive yourself nuts!
That's okay -- you can always drive US nuts for compensation.
"Mark Oppenheimer, editor of the New Haven Review and director of the Yale Journalism Initiative," reminds us that GRATE.com runs next to no ads.
A man -- we will call Him Lord Aubrey of McClendon -- is horrified that peons (well, His shareholders) should be upset that the company for which He acts as CEO entitled Him to a $75 million bonus while its stock went down! You see, $75 million does not go very far these days -- especially when you have an NBA franchise to look after (for which He graciously footed some of His own bills), and a catering service! And ancient maps! The nerve of these serfs to complain. They do not know the responsibility of running an American Corporation! -- into the ground.
(Via Seeking Alpha)
(Via Seeking Alpha)
I'm sorry that the Preakness had lousy attendance, but the RENDELLIAN thing to do is make any and every excuse for anti-social behavior so long as said anti-socials are parTYing, and while it is sad attendance went down, if that's what it takes to restore a little civility, so be it.
Now imagine if THE GREATEST DIRECTOR EVER had to do a picture about David Niven. (Well, maybe if he were Italian.) SLIME's TIMES has extracted from a bio, and we learn what we would already have guessed: he was a bit too popular with the women, and after his wife died in that freak accident he was miserable almost without end. (He also served in the war, and knew too much of it.) Through it all he still comes across as a grand figure, even more so compared to the pygmies, who can do nothing but act, and not very well.
In 2,000 years it's doubtful we'll leave anything as beautiful and noble on our landscape as the Romans did in France. If we'd had to do an aqueduct it would be reinforced concrete and straight lines.