Posted 10:39 PM by Gene

If people spent as much time attempting to cure the injustices of life as so many do blasting the injustice of the BOWL CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES....

Posted 3:29 PM by Gene

‘I am responsible for two of the worst songs in history. One is Do They Know It’s Christmas? and the other one is We Are The World.

'Any day soon, I will go to the supermarket, head to the meat counter and it will be playing. Every ****ing Christmas.’ [SIC]

Because you ****ing thought you were ****ing saving the ****ing world with your ****ing insufferable songs, ****ing BOB.

Sorry for that but I HATE when show-biz types excuse themselves.

(Via Chron.com)

Posted 2:15 PM by Gene

Democrats preen and pout; Republicans stonewall for the hyperrich. We have not thrown the last bums out.

Posted 5:53 PM by Gene

Another brilliant idea: Do we really want emotion-enabled computers leading the world in a Two-Minutes' Hate or crying jag?

Posted 5:48 PM by Gene

This article is but a redefinition of the word onanism, as it proves again if WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE DYLAN dies the hacks will lead us in a concerted months-long national attempt to rid us of our sanity.

SLIME! Give EVERYTHING You own the -- er, what's the name of that paper -- the Tome? -- treatment!

(Via Vulture, which agrees -- Shakespeare is insuperable.)

Posted 5:41 PM by Gene

Financial documents filed Wednesday in the Crystal Cathedral bankruptcy case show generous compensation paid to insiders and family members of founding minister Robert H. Schuller in the year before the Garden Grove-based mega-church filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.

This, alas, is but a variation on the air-conditioned doghouse.

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

This country has some of the highest levels of long-term unemployment — out of work longer than six months — it has ever recorded. Meanwhile, job growth has been, and looks to remain, disappointingly slow, indicating that those out of work for a while are likely to remain so for the foreseeable future. Even if the government report on Friday shows the expected improvement in hiring by business [Pffffffffffffft!], it will not be enough to make a real dent in those totals.

The Wall Street Casino LAUGHS!

(Via Seeking Alpha)

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

“WORKERS SEE THE PROSPECT FOR JOBS COMING DOWN THE PIKE HERE!!!!!” (Well-employed overemphasis added)

IS there ANYTHING the Pollyannas of the Wall Street Casino can't see through rose-colored glasses?

P. S. Should have known: UNCLE BEN gave his nieces and nephews MORE CHRISTMAS GIFTS! (Via HENRY HONEST!)

Posted 3:21 PM by Gene

MORE GOODIES FOR GEKKOS:

Oil at 2-year high near $90

Posted 2:31 PM by Gene

"Markets will interpret this negatively at first. They will focus on the chronic unemployment that is growing more pervasive in the US," David Kotok, chairman and chief investment officer at Cumberland Advisors, wrote in an analysis for clients.

But "financial analysts will realize that this will extend the already 'extended period' of Fed QE for many more months," he added, referring to the central bank's quantitative easing plans. Finally, he noted that "expectations were jerked back to reality today" but that "we remain fully invested in the US stock market."

TRANSLATION: YIPPEE!!!!! UNCLE BEN'S GIVING US MORE MONEY TO BURN!!!!!

Posted 1:28 PM by Gene

Will Netflix Kill the Internet?

This is hogwash. Go back ten years ago and we suspect you'd find once-leading biz rags oh-woe-is-meing that spam would swamp the Internet. We'd guess technologies to limit the bandwidth-eating abilities of hi-def movies will arrive before we have to redo the Web.

You'd think a rag edited by ER would be more HIP to these things, but he's long been on our list of CW-worshiping SQUARES.

Posted 10:32 AM by Gene

Payrolls report a slap to the markets

1. With a helmet on; or 2. On the back.

Posted 10:19 AM by Gene

Is there anything news hacks DON'T have a conflict of interest over?

Posted 10:10 AM by Gene

Facebook at UMPTEEN HYPERTRILLION? Groupon at MEGATEEN KATRILLION? A BUBBLE? You MUST be KIDDING!

Posted 9:20 AM by Gene

WOW!!!!! PEOPLE INC. has appointed a woman as editorial director!

That means women can be just as good organization men as men!

Posted 9:13 AM by Gene

Are we still Kremlinologizing the Kremlin? How much real difference is there between Puppet Master and His Puppet? How often have experts whispered hopeful sweet nothings about democracy? They've done it with Iran. Best to keep the fingers crossed.

Posted 9:10 AM by Gene

Though we're naturally suspicious when conservatives speak their favorite word pair "lower" and "pay", we nonetheless endorse the notion of more cooperation and "empowerment" in the workplace, especially when, as is so often true, the privates know more than the generals.

Posted 8:45 AM by Gene

Naked, Gorgeous, and 50

And right next door in TINA!!!!!dom:

Is It Time to Redefine Narcissism?

HMMM, "03-26" -- RECYCLING! Way to go TINA!!!!!

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

How will the GEKKO KUDLOWS buy their way out of this one?

Pollyannas create bubbles; Pollyannas daydream; Pollyannas make an economic boom out of thin air. Pollyannas run the Wall Street Casino.

Who wants to bet the GEKKOS will still get the markets to go up?

(Via Seeking Alpha)

Posted 1:48 PM by Gene

The NEW! IMPROVED!! POYNTER!!! with ROMY!!!! has two of them:

Will Huffington Post be worth more than WSJ in five years? [NEW! IMPROVED!! POYNTER!!! link]

We can guess who'll be responsible for that.

Meanwhile:

WP columnist Robinson named to Pulitzer Prize board

We were about to mention foxes and henhouses but we're sure Gene is a perfectly objective non-partisan.

Posted 11:57 AM by Gene

By Henry A. Kissinger, George P. Shultz, James A. Baker III, Lawrence S. Eagleburger and Colin L. Powell

When these guys are for something you know there must be a pretty good reason to be against it.

The writers were secretaries of state for the past five REPUBLICAN presidents. [Republican overemphasis added]

Ooooh, like we're IMPRESSED, Broccoli!

P. S. Who wrote it? How about none of the above?

Posted 10:58 AM by Gene

GOP spells Latino outreach J-E-B

Which is also spelled B-U-S-H.

NO MORE BUSHES!

Posted 10:46 AM by Gene

Soccer...in July...in CATARRH. GASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSP!!!!!

The country’s bid also promises outdoor, air-conditioned, carbon-neutral stadia to combat 100-degree Fahrenheit daytime temperatures.

As carbon-neutral as Dubai, perhaps?

P. S. at 3:40 p. m.:

Qatar has comparatively liberal laws compared to some of its neighbouring states, but a first World Cup in an Arab country will still be a very new experience for fans. The few bars and nightclubs in Qatar operate only in expensive hotels and clubs. Alcohol will be restricted to designated areas, with Qatar's Sharia making it illegal to show alcohol or be drunk in public.

Well, there's always the stadiums -- and the jails!

There is significant doubt over whether a country with a population of 1.6 million will have any future use for a World Cup infrastructure that will cost an estimated $4 billion to put in place. Qatar plan to erect some modular stadiums that can be transported after the World Cup to poorer countries, but would it not be better to build those facilities in countries that most need them in the first place?

Donate them to Dubai!

P. P. S. on 12/5/2010 at 2:20 p. m. We know, WE KNOW, it's supposed to be pronounced "gutter" or something like that, but it's spelled like CATARRH and we'll pronounce it GASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSP!!!!!

Posted 10:44 AM by Gene

We are humored to see Hosni the Thug is on His way to permanently leading Egypt from a cryonics chamber, but it is somewhat disheartening to think that we feel obliged to support this tyrant because He's all that stands between us and boom-boom virgin-acquiring Islamism. Is Egypt doomed to tyranny no matter where its leader sleeps?

Posted 9:17 AM by Gene

LIVE: ECB CHIEF JEAN-CLAUSE [SIC!!!!!] TRICHET REFUSES TO STEP IN AND SAVE EUROPE!!!!! [Weisenthal-misspelled overemphasis added]

No! NO! Now we'll NEVER see DOW 100,000 in two months!

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

The more words a hack writes, the more he's up to something. We congratulate Felix whoever he is for implying that DORKENCORP is worth UMPTEEN HEXAZILLION QUINTILLION DOLLARS!!!!!, but from what we can glean from this 6,238-WORD INDULGENCE most of His empire's worth is tied up in Hungary, thanks to this SUPERFANTASTIC BLOGGING SOFTWARE, and regardless of how much it's worth we can glean from what little else we can bear to read of 6,238 WORDS that NICK is cheap with His employees, and -- honest to God, Felix, couldn't you devote your monomania to setting a record playing video games, rather than inspiring an attack of the willies?

Via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

“WE ARE STRONGER THAN ONE GUY WITH ONE WEBSITE!!” Gibbs said on Fox News yesterday “WE [sic] SHOULD NEVER BE AFRAID OF ONE GUY THAT PLOPPED DOWN $35 AND BOUGHT A WEB ADDRESS.... WE'RE NOT SCARED OF ONE GUY WITH ONE KEYBOARD AND A LAPTOP!!!!!” [Strong overemphasis added]

TRANSLATION: The problem isn't all those boring "cables", the problem is a mouse has managed to tie His Incompetence and Attorney General Effete Q. Snob in impervious knots.

Posted 6:22 PM by Gene

GEKKO! The League of Nations says the world economy is slowing. CONTRARY INDICATOR!!!!!

DOW UMPTEEN HEXAKAJILLION -- never mind.

Posted 3:00 PM by Gene

HEY GEKKOS! GIVE US SOME OF THAT FEDERALLY-FINANCED HAPPY JUICE TOO!

OH -- YOU WON'T? DIDN'T THINK YOU WOULD!

Just think, KUDLOWS: twenty more such days and we're at AN ALL-TIME DOW HIGH!!!!!

Posted 2:01 PM by Gene

In truth, as Monday morning's announcement that Obama wants to cut the pay of all federal employees illustrates, he has the opposite problem. [Emphasis added]

In truth, TINA!!!! has a problem too.

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

STOCKS, EURO JUMP ON DATA, SPECULATION OF LARGER EUROPE BAILOUT!!!!! (Jumping overemphasis added)

Sing after me -- a-one and a-two: IT'S A GEKKOOOOO KUDLOOOOOW KIND OF A DAAAAAAAAAAAY....

Posted 1:47 PM by Gene

Sad:

"My wife Iola and I were always very careful with our money. When I started out, Joe the butcher in our San Francisco neighborhood would ask me weekly if I wanted beef bones for our dog. He knew we didn't have a dog. I'd take them to make soup. I'd also go to the farmer's market to pick up discarded fruits and vegetables. We saved every penny."

Happy: This is Dave Brubeck, many, many superlative smash albums ago.

(Via the usual AHTSJournal)

Posted 10:36 AM by Gene

When the GOP comes MARCH MARCH MARCHING across government, "NATIONAL NANNIES" will be their first victims. We have said too many times the con-SER-va-tives' favorite Latin term is caveat emptor, and that too many believe beyond the point of sanity that dangerous merchandise can be eliminated through competition. Hence we say again: we have NOT tossed the last bums out of Congress.

Posted 10:14 AM by Gene

"THE CALLS AND E-MAILS ARE SUGGESTING THAT THIS WAS DELIBERATELY OFFENSIVE ON THE PART OF THE SMITHSONIAN AND WE HAD IT UP DURING THE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS TO BE DELIBERATELY SACRILEGIOUS!!!!!" Sullivan said. (Deliberate overemphasis added)

Look Sullivan, whoever you are, the best that can be said is that the Smithsonian meant well. Now we don't doubt Bill Donohue judges as much of these AHTEESTES' blasphemy as he can by viewing as little as he can, and we wouldn't trust BANEHEAD on art if we were its last judge on earth, but AHTEESTES can never stop hugging themselves about TRANSGRESSIVISM, their FIRST priority above preserving and promulgating their lack of talent; AND we know about their approach to I---M. The fact this "artist" died in 1992 is irrelevant. Whether or not YOU were deliberate, IT was. This is a self-administered bullet to the foot, and to too many the pain feels GOOD.

(Via, oh well, MS. TRAVERS!)

Posted 8:26 AM by Gene

Heaven forfend -- THE GREAT E-MAIL REVELATION...WRONG?!?!?

Posted 7:15 PM by Gene

Here we try mightily to stay informed but with news hacks constant yelling of the same three tiresome stories we miss things. We just found out today about Pat Burns. Don't you think one of hockey's greatest coaches and presences, who battled cancer valiantly, deserved a little more notice? I do.

(Posted 6:50 p.m.; moved to preserve pride of place)

Posted 7:02 PM by Gene

I think it's clear that the institution of WikiLeaks needs to recognise that it is making editorial decisions, and that those decisions need to take place in a fashion at least as transparent as WikiLeaks would like corporate and governing institutions to be. Basically, I think WikiLeaks needs an ethical review board.

Pffh-hh-hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

We thought it had one!

Posted 6:44 PM by Gene

I'm a little sad about Jennifer: Do you stay a big fish in a little pond or become a little fish in a little pond surrounded by lots of little ponds all fed by a great big ocean? I'm not sure it's helped EZRA. Well, we would have done the same thing, though gleaning JPOD's site won't be as interesting anymore.

Posted 6:24 PM by Gene

Alas, even in BRANSON EAST, the carnival buffs don't like getting lectured at, even if the lecturing is CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED.

Posted 5:50 PM by Gene

This plays into the insect's claws too: calling on HILLARY!!!!! to resign for unleashing tons of twaddle on the public via a slug when she should resign for vicariously living her tons of twaddle.

Hey Perfesser! You just became part of its PR campaign!

P. S. This makes eminent sense. Pacify dissenters rather than punish them and you may get fewer leaks.

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

Do you feel sorry for Harry Smith?

Why should you?

I'd be more inclined to feel sorry for this whizkid producer if he turns into another JEFF ZUCKS.

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

Great idea, Bob -- get the Ks in ANOTHER PUBLICITY STUNT!

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

S&P Puts Portugal on Creditwatch Negative



GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!!!

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

Speaking of free speech, that Dr. Laura's joining Herbert Swain in satradio oblivion says one thing: Free speech ain't free when three people pay for it.

Yes yes, we know, ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN has ZILLIONS OF SUBSCRIBERS, most of whom use His service as a kind of Internet radio -- that is, those who bother to use it.

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

Much as we hate to talk about that amoral preening cowardly maniacal insect we must ask, which is worse: it exposing diplomats as duplicitous, or diplomats being duplicitous unexposed? Yes, it could do damage in its natural state as a slug dancing on a PC, but diplomats can do their damage with their finely-honed weasel words. That most of what has come out of this REVELATION is CW or "obvious" suggests little of what they say is worth secreting, and that they may have as little sense as this thing from under a rock that unsecreted them.

That it deserves some sort of punishment speaks for itself. (Whether it can be punished is another matter.) But let us not dignify the crawler by screaming bloody outrage. In one of his few displays of wisdom Bill Kristol had the thing right: "never complain, never explain." We did that before.

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

What Rep. Conyers has done is a darned sight better than what CHOLLY did. But the Democrats did banish sense long before Steve Solarz left.

P. S. at 5:27 p. m. Let's hope that insect won't crawling over those two laptops, assuming there's something to crawl over.

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

Sighhhhhhhhhhhh: A liberal lobbying group says the "living wage" does no harm, meaning a con-SER-va-tive lobbying group would scream IT DESTROYS THE ECONOMY!!!!!!!!!!

We side with those who want a living wage. We don't doubt it causes a little pain, and probably doesn't help as much as the kind of job-creating strategies that would get liberals screaming, like strategically lowering business taxes; all said, con-SER-va-tives have lip-service sympathy for the little guy, hence our position.

Posted 10:34 AM by Gene

As yet another name enters the Pantheon of Puerility:

Sex is a subject best avoided altogether, says Melissa Katsoulis, a literary reviewer for the Times.

"If I was writing a novel, I wouldn't attempt to write it except in the most Victorian and prim way, because it's awful.

"It's a cliche, but the moments of genuine frisson in books are when hardly anything happens.

"When you have a dream about someone you fancy, it's because they sat down next to you on the bus or something, not because you were at it, hammer and tongs.

"Either be suggestive or funny, but trying to do the nuts and bolts isn't going to work."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!!!!!

P. S. at 5:28 p. m.

It doesn't take much nerve to stand up in front of a boozy crowd and read sex passages from other people's books in a mocking tone of voice while everybody sneers and groans.

It doesn't take much nerve to wave your MFA or bestseller in front of a boozy or sober crowd while yelling of thousand-foot pylons and impenetrable jungle thatches.

(Both via NEWSER!)

Posted 10:17 AM by Gene

Not that I think CONCAST PICTURES and SUMNER have to worry but this sounds like our generation's ISHTAR. Thankfully once the cri-TICS are through we should have a MASTERPIECE.

Posted 10:03 AM by Gene

This obituary of former Rep. Stephen Solarz reminds us there was a time when Democrats had sense, and the best of them fortified it with zeal. We'd like to know where both went.

The House Bank business is an unfortunate black mark, but in light of his record a small one. RIP.

Posted 8:43 PM by Gene

Yes, not all publicity is good publicity -- even if your last name begins with a K.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH MOON, BLAH BLAH BLAH ABOVE: And since we're on the subject of lyrics, what sounds like a weighty rag with the avoirdupois of a million tons of feathers has run a 6,056-WORD THINK PIECE on the DICHOTOMY OF PUBLISHING. Having typed about this before we don't need 6,056 WORDS to say the publishing biz is divided between desiccated MFAs recycling their academic careers and hacks recycling the most risible genre fiction. Both put their readers to sleep, the former for the glory of some lower-case god and the latter dispensing a sedative as "entertainment" while lacking the guts to take pride in redefining stupid for their audience. We don't need 6,056 words to know li-te-rah-teeYURE STINKS, and given the sludge oozing from both sides of this grand cultural maw we don't need li-te-rah-teeYURE either.

Posted 3:22 PM by Gene

Here he is, ladies and gentlemen -- THE NEXT OPRAH!

Posted 2:02 PM by Gene

The Branson East Theme Park Awards uses ac-TORS for emcees, and no one's mentioned its demographics lately.

I guess also they liked her figure.

Over the past decade, [the Os-CAR®s'] household ratings have plummeted 33 percent.



BRING BACK BOB HOPE!

Posted 1:51 PM by Gene

FOOD SAFETY BILL WILL NOT MAKE FOOD SAFER, WILL INCREASE FOOD COSTS AND BUDGET DEFICIT!!!!!!!!!! (Unsafe overemphasis added)

This is why in time there must be an alternative to the two ossified, contemptuous, corrupt parties we're stuck with now. We know how Democrats would handle food safety -- with a trillion-dollar bureaucracy. We know how Republicans would handle food safety -- they wouldn't. We have not rid ourselves of our last bums.

Posted 11:19 AM by Gene

CUTTING-EDGE SATIRE!!!!!

The Detroit Lions can't even escape cartoons. In tonight's episode of "The Simpsons," Moe the bartender was trying to drum up interest in betting on pigeon racing.

Pigeon racing? Moe explained to a young and sometimes skeptical Bart Simpson that it is possible to bet on anything that moves.

“Even the Detroit Lions?” asked Bart.

Moe replied,”Hey, [SIC!] layoff [SIC!] Detroit. Them people is living in ‘Mad Max’ times."

Which began only a decade before HUGE DOUGHNUT-EATING ZILLIONAIRE TIMES.

Posted 10:46 AM by Gene

Congress returns to work with long to-do list

Don't do it! Pffffffffffffffffffffffft!

Posted 10:42 AM by Gene

WOW!!!!!!!!!!

Federal civilian employees' pay would be frozen in 2011 and 2012 under a proposal made Monday by President Barack Obama. The pay freeze is part of a strategy to cut the U.S. budget deficit and would save $2 billion for the rest of fiscal year 2011, and $28 billion over the next five years, the White House said. The freeze would apply to all civilian federal employees but not military personnel.

That'll help pay for Obamacare!

Posted 10:26 AM by Gene

Hey CRAINIACS! Why not rename it the Rance Crain Memorial Unreadably Glitzy Magazine of the Year Award?

Posted 10:02 AM by Gene

And as the Dow is down 150 points, for once:

World Bank chief says double-dip recession unlikely: report

Perfect timing!

Posted 9:42 AM by Gene

I guess it is possible for Ireland to cost too much.

Posted 9:23 AM by Gene

We would congratulate PROFESSOR SONDHEIM for a signal public service except that as we know he thinks himself superior to every one of the lyricists he dissects; but then we think of the anecdote in Hugh Fordin's biography of OCKIE (who is now certainly his pupil's inferior -- note the huffing condescension, not for the first time) about something he wrote with Sigmund Romberg -- "When I grow too old to dream,/I'll have you to remember": when his publisher (I believe Max Dreyfus) asked him what it meant Ockie confessed he hadn't the foggiest idea. To be sure the PROFESSOR can't see the forest of the songs from the tree of the words; nonetheless in his defense we will say he does force us to listen to lyrics more carefully, and he is quite right in that, and on that score exposes rock mu-SICK cri-TICS as totally deaf.

(Via the usual AHTSJournal)

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

BONO's OTHER big waste of money (counting FORBESLISTBLOG -- although there are others) just opened in Branson East, and (do I hear Mike cackling?)....

The show had to be stopped four times in the first act alone for various snags.

And each time they should have gotten a standing O!

Posted 6:24 PM by Gene

And as MB2 sticks his big well-paid foot in his mouth, a reminder from one of his employers -- in my spam e-mail box:



P. S. How much investigative reporting can we expect from BROCCOLI?

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

AN ESPNCORP EMPLOYEE BREAKS WIND: Look guy, we remember when the recorded...SOUND trade pulled that "Love for Sale" gag. A big-media stooge should not be protecting his employers' interests. Ah but the Thumbs-Up Twins showed certain conflicts of interest are okay. Also we like the way he makes these prudes liberal. What about PATRIOTIC GORE, MB2?

And even this kumquat has to grudgingly admit we're not talking about Elvis's wiggling hips. TIME TO RETIRE, MB2.

Here is a question that might cause you to blush: What causes you to blush?

How about a 25-year-old column?

Okay, KAPLAN INC.'ERS -- why can't I find this one?

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

“Ohio State has already started living up to monumental expectations with a good first game,” it began. “On November 12th on their home court, the Buckeyes waxed the Aggies, 102-61.”

Some time ago we said computers could (and should) replace news hacks. Unfortunately judging from this sample they're as cliché-prone as the hacks. So we trade a flesh-and-blood bad for a electronic one. Whatever the scribbling source the news biz will always stink.

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

Alas, THE CONSPIRACY has remembered it hasn't hired a replacement for the IRREPLACEABLE ST. JACK OF VALENTI, and now the names are bubbling again. Gov. RENDELL of New Mexico is too, uh, RENDELLISH, but SANDY "MOZILO" DODD would be perfect -- precisely the sort of badgering table-pounding loudmouth who'd shut off critics while stepping up his lobby's connections with its parent firm the FBI. SANDY FOR SAINTHOOD!

P. S. Just one problem: Sandy's 67 in May. ST. JACK was only 45 when he advanced to immortality. Thankfully that whatisit after the ST. didn't last in the job that long.

Posted 4:50 PM by Gene

Now that the Swedish monomaniac has released another bunch of "sensitive" e-mails to universal yawns, our government's tightening up on the secrets. Here's the thing: we doubt these self-congratulatory releases have had any impact except perhaps at the margins. Knowing GUVMENT that will make it harder for important information to get around.

Posted 4:43 PM by Gene

The bad news: THE LORD GOD STEVE's manufacturing arm (aka Foxconn) is "expanding capacity in China to produce up to 70 million iPads a year."

The good news: now that everybody and his uncle's making tablets it'll "whack" profit margins.

The worst news: AAPL TO $300,000!!!!!

Posted 1:06 PM by Gene

Black Friday Sales Rise, But Only Slightly

This seems to happen every year too.

(Via HENRY HONEST!!!!!)

Posted 12:30 PM by Gene

When the world's leading source of AAAAAAAAAAAATTITUDE (not to mention the world's leading employer of $2-a-day labor) gives us these fancy new gloves why shouldn't we take the penalty?

Posted 11:40 AM by Gene

We know SUPERNIKKI!!!!! "ZEIGFIELD" FINKE thinks she's doing a favor....

But novice director Steven Antin deserves at least some credit for bringing back Cher to the big screen: they both dated David Geffen, and the mogul urged Cher to take the role.

And by rights she shouldn't speak to either man again.

She hasn't had a major film since 1999's Tea With Mussolini and is a bonafide national treasure.

So in eleven years let's replace the Statue of Liberty with a statue of her!

The studio also did grassroots marketing in the gay community and sponsored pride parades in LA, NY, and San Francisco, as well as Burlesque-themed nights and "Cher-aoke" in gay bars across the country.

TRANSLATION: Sony MARKETED this as a joke.

And B. O. down only six percent from last year! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nik, go back to misspelling names.

Posted 10:55 AM by Gene

Speaking of athuhletics, it wasn't long ago that Jimmah Joohnson made thugs into "champions". He and his partner in crime Barry Switzer helped transform "WINNING ISN'T EVERYTHING -- IT'S THE ONLY THING!!!!!" into the Devil's gospel, though their push was hardly needed. But as we've said before, it takes money to make money in professional college football, and all the thugs in the world can't guarantee a winning team (though it might make for some impressive rap sheets). What amuses us about Miami is that every dollar it raises to make the thugs more efficacious is a dollar denied education, but as we've also said before professional college football is NOT about education.

Posted 10:51 AM by Gene

We don't want to smile too broadly as THE KING could yet earn His crown. For now, though, we smile.

Posted 10:47 AM by Gene

If only BABS had remembered what got her prominent in the Congress in the first place -- her steadfast support for Chinese human rights -- she might not have unwittingly (or perhaps not so unwittingly) cast herself as a supervillainness.

Posted 10:46 AM by Gene

Do the Brazilians call off the soldiers when LAUSANNE and MICKEY D'S and COKE give them the all-clear?

These could be the most revolting GAMES yet -- an armed camp surrounded by the slums' civil war. Thankfully the hacks will do everything to create a fantasy land, as always.