Posted 8:57 PM by Gene

We must have been in QUITE A HURRY to put out that survey DEMANDING BUSH RESIGN or something because JonBoy has already put up the covers: ours a downer on BLACK HAWK DOWN and everyone else's dealing with a world space race. (I guess we wouldn't be interested, huh JonBoy?) Or maybe they're feeling the hot breath of THE TWXSTERS -- but WHY would they compete with a rag that's as skinny as though it's printed on onion-skin?

And just how valuable IS a newsrag? Its top MEDIA WRITER (ugh) does a story on (ugh) MONEY HONEY® -- and it contains nothing you wouldn't have found elsewhere. Why do we need newsrags?

Posted 7:52 PM by Gene

I see con-SER-va-tives throwing a TAN-trum:

Some Democrats in Congress have pushed legislation that would require many employers with 15 workers or more to provide a minimum of seven paid sick days a year.

I see Larry "Greed is Good" Kudlow throwing a very VIOLENT tantrum -- perhaps banging on his desk so hard he breaks his hand -- which would allow him a paid day or two off from one of his employers.

Yes, I KNOW, it's Sen. Fatso Glub-Glub, and I know this is a form of advocacy jernalism, but dammit why is mandated paid sick leave THAT bad an idea?

Posted 6:20 PM by Gene

AWWWWWW, poh GOOGUUWH is SOWWY for DAMAGING its WEPUTATION.

GOOG on January 27, 2006: $433.89. GOOG on FRIDAY: $495.84.

NUF SAID.

(Via Slashdot)

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

Speaking of the past, I can recall when my mother and brother had this thing about the Brits. They were mad for shows like The Avengers and Secret Agent and The Saint and were glued to the papers when Bonnie Prince Charlie got his job. (I too, in a way; I liked Matchbox and Corgi cars.) A lot has happened since; we now know, for instance, that the royals are a extra-ordinary family with a pedigree, and they try to breed like mongrels. Today we Philthydelphians are supposed to be excited that Charles and his mis -- DUCHESS are here for some PR stunt, and it seems less than exciting because we all know he's a middle-aged old fogy who's been waiting and waiting and waiting to become king, God knows why, and he has less than stellar taste in women, although Di once looked nice in a see-through skirt. They get to see our domestic middle-aged old fogies who think their increasingly anemic bloodlines are still an entitlement, and they witness some doing good in the neighborhood, and they go back to Merrie Olde Englande, presumably to argue, and to wait.

All this said, we shouldn't be hard on Charlie; he is a good guy, tastes notwithstanding, and we wish him a jolly olde visit.

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

Is it forty years since Apollo I? Something has changed since then. We came back from that disaster to put men on the moon. We barely came back after the two orbiting-jalopy accidents. We know what has changed, and it hasn't been for the better.

Posted 1:21 PM by Gene

Guess the number of protesters at the DC antiwar rally, as it will FINALLY be tallied by the ASSPress and other UNBIASED NEWS ORGANIZATIONS:

a) 250,000
b) 500,000
c) 1,000,000
d) The entire U. S. population
e) Who cares? They'll make up a figure anyhow

Posted 1:18 PM by Gene

THERE ARE NOT 46 MILLION UNINSURED!!!!!!!!!! [Overemphasis added]

Just 21 to 31 million. WHEW! I was worried there.

Posted 12:42 PM by Gene

"It is tough to be in the minority, isn't it? I feel your pain," Majority Leader Steny Hoyer, D-Md.

Democrats, Republicans, MILLIONAIRES AND BUMS taste about alike to me.

Posted 12:36 PM by Gene

For $60 million, forfeiting your Heisman Trophy and your team's victories is a small price to pay.

PROFESSIONALIZE PROFESSIONAL COLLEGE SPORTS!

Posted 10:35 AM by Gene

When people start making grand pronouncements about terrorism it is best to remember hardly anyone knows. It's clear the one place where they're smiling is in Pakistan; but we hope they're smiling with sweaty palms.

(Via TNR's Open University)

Posted 10:18 AM by Gene

In MONEY news from DA POST!!!!!!!!!!: We think this checkout clerk has the right idea to keep working. $1 million dollars is not that much, and lottery winners have hardly been known for their miserliness.

And in MONEY HONEY® NEWS (bleaaah!)...well, let's just say she's further embroiled in the E word -- IF you can believe PAGE SIX!!!!!!!!!!!!

She will NOT leave her job BECAUSE SHE'S A PROFIT CENTER. But now that she's TRADEMARKED the term she really SHOULD be a profit center SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Posted 8:38 PM by Gene

Another brilliant insider (who is this Lefsetz?) says we're living in a GOLDEN AGE of "music" (I still say it's DOUBLE MEGA-PLATINUM at LEAST) but even HE, brilliant, savvy insider, doesn't have A CLUE how to sell all this burgeoning genius. Maybe -- and here is where the Lefsetzes will hit a wall, or bang their heads on it -- this "music" CAN'T SELL.

The "merger" of EMI's U. S. pop operations says there are STILL too many needless marques as it is. And who buys music by the brand name these days? There used to be a reason. Not anymore. But then there's no reason to buy music anymore.

(Link via PaidContent.org, which can also be clueless on occasion)

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

The most prominent princess in Saudi Arabia's royal family said yesterday that if she could change one thing about her country, she would let women drive — a rare and direct challenge to the driving ban imposed by the kingdom's ruling male elite.

Just three things wrong with this: 1. You're a woman; 2. This is Davos, and nobody was listening because so many people were busy talking; and 3. Your royal poohbahdom's high-and-holy religious-law overseers just issued a fatwa against THE LETTER X.

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

Why didn't the Bugmeister waste half His company's marketing budget on the Super Bowl? Then the hacks wouldn't have stopped yakkety-yakking for WEEKS.

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

Awww, poor Ruthie is "lonely" and needs company.

We know just what company YOU have in mind, hacks.

(Revised at 8:50 p. m. Did I say "Sandy"? I most certainly DID! Pfffffffffffft!)

Posted 4:53 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: In order to justify putting our CEO in a luxury suite for the SUPER BOWL, we have to do a lot of other little things WE'D PROBABLY HAVE TO DO ANYWAY, and which we now do solely to justify PUTTING OUR CEO IN A LUXURY SUITE.

FURTHER TRANSLATION: The Paper of Re-CORD challenges USAOKAY!!!!! in justifying the waste on SUPER BOWL ADVERTISING!

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 9:51 AM by Gene

"It is imperative that the general Arab community and all significant Palestinian groups make it clear that they will end the suicide bombings and other acts of terrorism when international laws and the ultimate goals of the Roadmap for Peace are accepted by Israel."

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuh, I made a stupid.

AND NOT FOR THE FIRST TIME.

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

Good news:

U.N. officials say Iran plans to start assembling thousands of uranium-enriching centrifuges next month.

BETTER news:

Report: Iran Preparing to Put Satellite in Orbit

Let's just save the effort and build a WET-NOODLE FACTORY THERE!

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

In more news from the very AHTISTIC THEATRICAL CAPITAL of the UNIVERSE, BRANSON EAST, THE BOYS will fleece expense-account holders one more time, and Singin' in the Rain's coming back. Who says you can't find anything new and different there?

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

Of course Dubya isn't serious about energy. The very word "ethanol" prompts gales of canned laughter. But if he raised gasoline taxes imagine the firestorm from con-SER-va-tives -- and from media simpletons who would spend their every last waking moment ferreting out people complaining of higher gas prices. Yes Dubya isn't serious; but since when have we expected any of our superior ruling class to BE serious?

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

OH oh, MONEY HONEY's embroiled in the -- E word.

This is the problem with profit centers in JERNALISM: they think themselves omnipotent and insuperable. How many times have idiot hacks praised HONEY for her BEEEEEYOUTEE? and her "brains"? Honest, she was an ordinary hack who got a big break. The same with someone like THE KEYBOARD THROWER, or half the staff at ESPN, or your average millionaire pundit. By concentrating on profit centers the news biz devises one more reason why meat-and-potatoes reporting goes to hell.

(Via MediaBistro)

P. S. Howie Hairshirt and Jonny Hairshirt are lecturing her, meaning her job is safe -- for now. (Via the usual Romy)

Posted 8:03 AM by Gene

I'm sure we are all astonished that several of the entertainers at a "famed flesh palace" would engage in extracurricular activities.

How many "gentlemen's clubs" are glorified whorehouses?

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

Just what the world needs -- a cell-phone cable network.

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

"She’s a real stage mother," one of them said at the screening. "The negotiations just go on and on."

Someone should write a musical!

No takers -- and a long line of negotiators, no doubt.

(We have not mentioned this grand talent before figuring, just another Tatum or Brooke or Drew -- and look what they became. Please.)

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

Now that another scribbler is getting a huge paycheck, we may ask, for what? What makes Mike's prose so special that ESPNCorp's paying him $2 million a year? Yes, he's earning it as a talking whoopee cushion, as are most of the FRED FLINTSTONES of SPORT, but still, what has entitled so many scribblers to make so many millions disgorging tripe? And how can BIGMEDIA pay the huge salaries when they're firing people right and left? And no, "PROFIT CENTER" isn't an explanation, it's an excuse.

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

British Conservatives Remain Unchanged

Has any political party changed?

Posted 3:45 PM by Gene

GRUMPY EMOTICON MOMENT: The TWXSTERS raise the white flag on THEIR OWN PICTURE ("[Letters was co-produced by Warner Bros. Pictures, a subsidiary of Time Warner, which also owns TIME.]") -- albeit in the LAST GRAF:

As difficult as Letters can be to watch, that fact might make it easier for Japanese audiences to embrace it. They aren't required to ponder the psychic cost of the battle on the survivors — few as there were — nor to wonder at the political mistakes that wrought horror from Manchuria to New Guinea. That's not the film Eastwood wanted to make, and that he chose not to takes nothing away from his accomplishment. But if he had, I doubt that Abe would have walked out of a screening calling it a "very good film" — and that $40 million gross might have come out a bit lighter.

Posted 10:03 AM by Gene

DUNCAN WHO? FOR PRESIDENT!
DUNCAN WHO? FOR PRESIDENT!
He's the man three people choose!
Betcha that he's gonna lose!

NYAAAAAAAAAAAH NYAH NYAH NYAAAAAAAAAAH NYAH NYAH NYAAAAAAAAAAH NYAAAAAAAAAAH NYAAAAAAAAAAAH....

Well, WE know who he is: he used to stand around and shoot the bull during special orders with a fine old gang -- folks like "Surfer Dude" Rohrabacher...and Bob "PSYCHO" Dornan...and THE DUKE....

So he has two votes there!

Posted 9:38 AM by Gene

So what does HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN do about ATHUHLETE-students? Does it dumb down their regular courses or does it have them take dumbed-down majors?

TOUGH question.

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

The median age of FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! viewers has gone up FIVE YEARS to 42!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 9:28 AM by Gene

And at the World High-Mucky-Muck-Networking and Gaseous-Speechifying Conference:

The forum has dedicated 17 sessions to climate change, including a working dinner Thursday night that's to ask the question: "Can Markets Save the Planet?"

That's a LOT of global warming.

Posted 8:58 AM by Gene

Comforting:

Georgian Sting Seizes Bomb Grade Uranium

Meantime the INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY plays its game of willful stupidity with nuclear blackmailers.

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

And in other entertainment news from the Big V:

McCain target of early '08 attack ad
2008 ad campaign expected to cost $2.8 bil

Do I hear BROAD¢A$TER$ $LURPING?

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

Before they start boasting of being the "walking wounded", the reason we have so many aging Senators with serious health problems is that nobody can stop them from running...and running...and running.

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

AllllllllllllllllllllVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN?!?!?!?!?

Posted 7:56 PM by Gene

Windows Vista is essentially warmed-over Windows XP.

NewEgg is selling the top-of-the-line Ultimate OEM for $199. Maybe a second MS bubble won't happen.

Posted 6:11 PM by Gene

...nonbinding resolution....

NUF SAID.

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

We laugh -- bitterly: A broadcaster has petitioned to prevent CHEAP CHANNEL JR. from acquiring stations from VIACON NETWORK because it staged that murderous Wii stunt -- presumably so IT can buy the stations, and do a few dubious things of its own.

Meantime "Madcow" Mancow has organized a "foundation" to prevent future such stunts -- and it is a measure of how much we trust the radio biz that we can't help thinking this is a stunt too, whatever its motives.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

Today is CURLEY's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) day:

Peter O'Toole has a hangover. And he's relishing it.

If somebody says a politically incorrect thing the MORAL ARBITERS who are AMERICA'S NEWS HACKS unite in KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPHING unity to arrange for the closest thing to exile to Siberia. But when a fool actor who's just starred in a movie with an "'ick factor'" (the ASSPress admits it?) says he has a hangover, why, we want to win him THE ACADEMY AWARD®.

And now that IVANA has joined in THAT @#$%&* FEUD we can say this: When a tree in an abandoned forest falls, it makes no sound -- unless it's picked up by 2,000 PARABOLIC MIKES.

Posted 4:57 PM by Gene

For a blogger accept a bribe to change an article is wrong. We wonder how many of the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS would hustle off with the cash.

Posted 3:18 PM by Gene

It is highly unlikely, Mr. Former Ambassador, that GLOBAL WARMING caused Darfur. Hitler didn't need global warming to cause the Holocaust. (Oh, but we forget, in the League of Nations genocide against Jews isn't a crime. Must always keep that in mind.)

Amazing too that for the first time in ages al Reut uses THE T WORD -- when it's PC to do so.

(Revised at 5:30 p.m. There was a severe drought in Darfur in the early 80s. Still one must ask -- did the DUST BOWL cause a genocide?)

Posted 2:09 PM by Gene

Shucks, Senatuh HEIN-TZZZ has decided he'd rather have a permanent Senate seat after all, one that perhaps he can will to his -- SIGNIFICANT OTHUH.

Posted 12:17 PM by Gene

It makes me angrier to realize I'm typing for nobody when I read this calling SecondLife a pyramid scheme -- almost four months after I called it a scam.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANYBODY OUT THERE?!?!?!?!?!?!?

(Via Slashdot)

Posted 11:40 AM by Gene

Sen. Lugar has "doubts", but he'll back Dubya anyway.

Dick Lugar walks a fine line between common sense and squishy.

Posted 11:21 AM by Gene

THE POLITICO makes NEWS:

Pennsylvania Republican Don Sherwood, who lost his House seat last fall, is now refusing to pay his ex-mistress more than half of a $500,000 settlement he promised her to keep quiet about their affair, according to two people familiar with the situation.

Yes, I guess the voters had a very good reason to take away the GOP's car privileges.

Posted 11:12 AM by Gene

Time to post a picture of everybody's favorite news-ASSociation prexy again:



For those who haven't yet, somehow, had their fill of Paris Hilton, there's a new Web site that has posted a seemingly endless offering of the celebutante's belongings.

The Web site, ParisExposed.com, launched Tuesday. It boasts that it has an array of Hilton photographs, home videos, diaries, love letters, recorded phone conversations and phone numbers of friends and celebrities, all left behind at a Los-Angeles based storage facility.

Where's all this crusading reporting your promised us, CURLEY? (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Why haven't you said anything lately about your political prisoner?

Posted 11:00 AM by Gene

Houston's crime rate drops more than 5 percent in 2006

...thanks to all the folks from N'AWLANS who left?

Posted 10:34 AM by Gene

The ASSPress's NOBLE TRUTH-TELLERS give us another reason to read their work from a KNEELING position:

Jimi Hendrix Energy Drink in Works

Don't overdose on it!

Junk like this, combined with Little Malcolm's press release, has moved me to start my long-threatened NEUHARTHISM blog. Perhaps if I insult these cretins through a dedicated blog I can get through. I doubt it.

Posted 10:06 AM by Gene

Little Malcolm wastes more of His readers' time with another of His damfool LISTS. Yes, these bloggers will be forgotten in twenty years, but they're "famous" now, and this salt in the wound reminds me I've been at it for four years typing and no one reads me. This uses every last hype word in the show-biz flack's thesaurus. ("PHENOMENAL!!" "POPULAR!!" "HUGELY POPULAR!!" [SEVERAL TIMES!!] "HUGELY INFLUENTIAL!!" "HOT!!") And of course it's all the flatulent compromising horn-tooters we hear too much of every blasted day. (HARRY KNOWLES!!!!!) Why does Little Malcolm want to kiss all the world's behinds?

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD to DAVE!

P. S. A measure of how supremely contemptuous the Forbes.com staff is of its surfers: Every HOT!! blogger merits his own page -- so that if you want to use Recent Pages or Go Back to get to the article before you hit this PR screech, you have to leaf through 25 pages! MORONS.

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

Jo-NAH:

Webb's Awful

Little Michael Crowley:

Boy, was he good. That response could do for Webb something akin to what Barack Obama's 2004 convention speech did for the Illinois senator.

I HATE KNEE-JERKS!

P. S. These were posted within five minutes of each other, meaning neither man was thinking.

P. P. S. We may gather from Head-Scratchin' Jonny he's just been elected president. He posted an hour after these two clowns. He wasn't thinking either.

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

This story, which Little Malcolm somehow buried on His site, suggests SLIME's talent extravaganza has a closet full of skeletons. But because it's become a profit center to the news biz and so many Web sites we despair of ever hearing anything other than more breathless cheerleading. Indeed SLIME's show has probably wasted more column inches than any other story in newspaper HISTORY. And the grand poohbahs of the biz wonder why people don't trust them.

And how much of a story might there be? SLIME has one of His charges run a MEA CULPA.

We see too that SLIME may buy a stake in TRIB. We thought Your thing was SOCIAL NETWORKING, SLIME!

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

MONEY HONEY, one of America's most overrated TV personalities, got a sweetheart of a deal from CITIGROUP!

If THE BIG C didn't exist no one would want to invent it.

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

N Korea helping Iran with nuclear testing

Time for another helping of WET NOODLES!

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

And in the latest of another LEGENDARY mayor's quest for IMMORTALITY:

In a press conference Tuesday morning, the day after the two cities filed bid books with the U.S. Olympic Committee, the Chicago 2016 Bid Committee revealed a host of fresh details:

--A temporary stadium at Washington Park, the linchpin for the Games, has reduced in size, while cost estimates have risen. The plan now calls for 80,000 seats, rather than 95,000, to trim costs. This is estimated to cost $316 million.

-- After the stadium is dismantled, another $50 million will be spent to construct a lasting amphitheater in Washington Park. The facility, for cultural and sporting events, will seat 5,000, down from the 10,000 originally planned.

-- The combined cost of the temporary stadium and the amphitheater, $366 million, is up from earlier estimates of $300 million to $320 million....

Yes, your turnips...TAXPAYERS will be paying for quite some time!

Posted 6:48 AM by Gene

THOSE WHO LIVE BY TV: We are not surprised that what was once professional hockey has lousy ratings and thus is ripe for another cancellation, even with Superman as commissioner. Figure skating is another thing, as that was definitely a province of the CEO luxury-suite stuffers, and as its audience was mostly female and uncritical; even it seems to have found other distractions, perhaps because like most things that rely on cultivating personalities it can't seem to make any. The decline of so many sports is the mere byproduct of so many TV viewers getting fed up with the medium's GENIUS and the constant hectoring from MADAVE, neither of which is letting up, idiot talk of VIRAL VIDEOS notwithstanding.

Posted 6:23 PM by Gene

And of course it's not just Stale.com -- Mogul's Friend is worried that the fat cats he's been toadying for years have suddenly become PASSÉ, so now he's belching of the Web's infinite cultural wonders too!

Where do people have the time to take in all this genius? Why is it genius? Why must I spend my day more glued to a computer than I already am? Why do so many columnists think this is the second coming of Christ?

Posted 6:18 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: In Japan there are a million bands posting MP3 junk -- but because you can't download them via EVIL ITUNES they've become "INSANELY GREAT".

Where does ST. WARREN FIND these typists?

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

Someone tries to coin a catchphrase:

A new crop of kids: Generation We

And what, pray tell, is the difference between this generation and their Internet-addled elders who are Generation ME?

(Via IWantMedia)

Posted 5:52 PM by Gene

Analysts unanimously agree oil won't avg $70/bbl

Is this a contrary indicator?

Posted 5:38 PM by Gene

Dubya concocts another applause line:

Bush proposes bipartisan advisory council for war on terror

I hear the sound of one hand clapping.

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

Lobbyists are counterproductive. The traits that make them effective among Congresspoops -- the high-fiving, the hard-sell -- are disgusting to common people. They're expert at talking past the public right into its pocketbooks. They think if they say the same dishonest thing 500 times they win an argument. That's why their gag isn't working quite as well: the public can vote too. The GOP lost Congress because it was the Party of Lobbyists. Look at the two biggest morons among the glad-handers: BILLY and SAMMY. Billy has the sort of demeanor that makes you think if he isn't guilty of something, he should be; he is the BAYOU DELAY. Big Pharma is in trouble all across the board -- threats of mandated price cutting, investigations into predatory advertising, Pfizer's big layoffs. Okay, maybe the problems are systemic -- and maybe they're the result of a biz that thought it could lobby out of them. Billy wanted what is now Sammy's job. Sammy thinks he's smarter than Hillary; you see that smug smile and you know it. He's losing on two fronts: Congress may raise violent porn on TV to the level of indecent material (!), and the record business is slowly unfurling the white flag on DRM. And he's a DEMOCRAT. For all their superduperego these two men are fundamentally clueless. Why do their cigar-chomping bosses (well, maybe not in Big Pharma -- it's UNHEALTHY) pay such big salaries to people who couldn't lobby their way out of a thimble?

Posted 3:15 PM by Gene

HERE COMES SP1!

(Via -- who else? Slashdot)

Posted 2:42 PM by Gene

What is the purpose of Davos? So far as we can tell it's for self-important cretins to schmooze. No less important is for said self-important cretins to lift a leg, make a speech someone else wrote, lower the leg, and leave. Among the self-important cretins there will be B. S. DEFENDER, who may spend his whole visit busily looking for consulting work -- when he isn't having an intern type about YouTube. Apparently one thing B. S. and his gang have been telling the attendees is to blog along with them. If most of blogging serves no purpose, think of blogs devoted to boilerplate and buzzwords. Isn't the "Webosphere" already crowded with nothing?

(Link via MediaBistro)

Posted 2:37 PM by Gene

Someone else in the ad biz shows a sense of humor.

RANCE! AD AGENCY OF THE CENTURY!

"VIRAL" has become the "METROSEXUAL" of 2007.

Posted 2:34 PM by Gene

Sen. Jim Webb to rebut State of the Union

If he mentions children....

Posted 1:55 PM by Gene

Dubya concocts an applause line...

In his first State of the Union address to a Democratic-controlled Congress, President Bush is calling for Americans to slash gasoline consumption by up to 20 percent by 2017.

...and proposes we use lots more ETHANOL, which should make certain CORN-state lobbyist-largess receivers very happy.

In the words of a certain rabbit, "What a maroon!"

Posted 11:33 AM by Gene

And the hacks rub their hands:

Al Gore 'Thrilled' by Oscar Nominations

While he is not technically a nominee....

That doesn't mean we can't MAKE him one!

Posted 11:16 AM by Gene

Excitement at The Corner:

“GOVERNOR MITT ROMNEY ANNOUNCES SUPPORT OF FORMER SPEAKER DENNIS HASTERT” [Rich Lowry]

From Romney press shop.

01/23 11:12 AM

This would seem a -- dubious endorsement.

Posted 10:04 AM by Gene

And here's a good first example: NEWT GINGRICH -- BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE GAMB...GAMING INDUSTRY!

Posted 9:48 AM by Gene

If we're going to have corporate sponsorship of presidential elections let's do it right. Since the lobbyists will always run the show the least they can do is put their names and logos on the candidates. O. J. and Slick blotted out every last trace of our sense of shame; why shouldn't we have corporate-sponsored candidates? We know they're the puppeteers, and we know they don't contribute the big bucks out of altruism.

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

The ACADEMY® has spoken, and has shut Singin' in the Rain out. We confess to be surprised, but somehow we could not see that picture winning the Os-CAR® given the musicals that didn't. The other nominees are AHThouse pictures -- excepting MR. TAXI DRIVER's, which is half-and-half. This would seem to mean he'll snag the COVETED HONOR, in overdue recognition of the...although we wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't. Who cares?

(And where did we find this out? Via a headline in THE POLITICO! Let's see how that experiment in ego works.)

Posted 6:54 AM by Gene

A pig farmer allegedly killed scores of Vancouver prostitutes, and the locals' first concern seems to be whether it will hurt tourism for THE GAMES.

The town fathers underestimate the Ajax cleansing power of PUBLICITY.

Posted 6:03 PM by Gene

To think of the sun swallowing the moon in 5 billion years, or a dinosaur with two sets of wings like a biplane, is to be reminded of how infinitessimal man is, and how so very little we can ever know.

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

Every once in a while a hack writes something that tells the truth despite itself. He tries to hide what he thinks with qualifiers and weasel words, but somehow a faint aroma of verity still wafts in. Thus does The Paper of Re-CORD's Stephen "Quarter of a Century" Holden say a bit more about the supposed Branson East "superstar" Kristin than he intended -- and starting with descriptions like "acres of determined cuteness" and "an entertainment JumboTron" it is not entirely appetizing:

Every number was directed to a different audience bloc. “Popular,” from the hit musical “Wicked,” played to the visible claque of upscale teenage girls of the kind who have helped make that show a box-office phenomenon. For male couples (also abundant), a comic dance number found the star romanced by two dancing men who abandon her for each other....

I don’t imagine Ms. Chenoweth cares all that much about the quality of her songs, so long as they hit their demographic bull’s-eyes. If she did, she would drop songs like “Taylor, the Latte Boy,” a moony folk-pop trifle about a wistful flirtation with a Starbucks employee. It seems aimed at the same fans who treasure “Popular.”

And what, you may wonder, lies beneath the glare of Ms. Chenoweth’s formidable talent? Is there buried treasure, or is the center hollow? The concert offered no clues.

But your review does.

Posted 1:58 PM by Gene

And speaking of DR. EVIL, his biz just excreted something else out of sight of the press:

The dialogue is dumb, but that sparks audience participation, which is part of the show. Guess which lines are in the script and which ones were contributed by viewers at the AMC Empire Thursday night:

1) "You're a sick f- - -, aren't you?"

2) "Dumbass!"

3) "Kill that motherf- - - er!"

4) "Be careful!"

5) "Shoot him!"

6) "This guy is really bleedin'!"

7) "Tell them that you didn't do it!"

Nos. 1, 4, 6 and 7 are the work of professional screenwriters. [We would NEVER have guessed. --ED.] The best line I heard all night, though, was from the audience. When the lovers go to a motel and watch "The Birds" on TV, a guy yelled, "Better movie!"

'TAIN'T FUNNY, McGEE.

(Via ShowBizData)

Posted 1:47 PM by Gene

We're sympathetic to Jill Carroll's cause, but the problem isn't budgeting -- it's priorities. The voice of God hasn't told the ASSPress and the networks to cover "celebutards" ad nauseum. So long as the priorities are skewed so will be the news budgets.

Posted 1:22 PM by Gene

Mayor Mike Bloomberg couldn't resist kidding Sen. Chuck Schumer about his new book during a press conference on Monday. Introducing the senator at a gathering to hail a study on keeping New York City's lead in the financial services market, Bloomberg described Schumer as "one of the great authors of all time." N.Y. Governor Eliot Spitzer, who also attended the event, joined in the laughter.

I'd laugh too -- chances are SEN. RED-LIGHT! didn't write the book.

Posted 1:08 PM by Gene

Bill Parcells is retiring from football -- and the ASSPress gives him the Unkindest Cut of the Day:

Parcells' legacy with the Cowboys can be framed this way: Instead of joining Tom Landry, Jimmy Johnson and Barry Switzer as coaches who led them to championships, he leaves lumped with Chan Gailey and Dave Campo.

Ouch! Wasn't he a little better than that?

Posted 11:15 AM by Gene

Princeton Mutual Fund is freezing its "tuition" -- but will make up for it with a considerable hike in its "room and board"; and only in HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN would people fall over one another calling it a "dramatic" step and blahblahblah. Why all of a sudden are these mutual funds being so apologetic? Or is it a case of the clients not getting what they're paying through the nose for?

Posted 9:58 AM by Gene

CONAgra devises "creepy" advertising. TRANSLATION: A company that devises creepy advertising will finance ANYTHING on television -- WHICH IS WHY CONGRESS IS TALKING ABOUT TV VIOLENCE.

Besides, aren't its products creepy enough?

Posted 9:12 AM by Gene

Lower Gas Prices No Help to Gas-Guzzlers

TRANSLATION: The public may finally realize the oil biz has more than one trick up its sleeve.

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

No Changes Planned at CBS Evening News with Katie Couric

HINT HINT?

Posted 8:53 AM by Gene

With the epochal success of its NSA SCOOP still resounding in its ears, USAOKAY!!!!! gives us more of the MUST-KNOW NEWS that has MADE IT ITS STERLING REPUTATION:

Is 'Idol' trying to set record in off-key auditions?

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

One of America's greatest cynics eructs yet again:

"It's such an easy thing to do, curse Hollywood, curse television," said Jack Valenti, the former top movie studio lobbyist who is leading an industry initiative to head off government action by teaching parents how to block objectionable TV shows. "It makes headlines…. It looks like they're doing something and they get political brownie points for it."

Look at it this way, DR. EVIL -- YOU taught them VERY well.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 9:33 PM by Gene

We do not know how much this story reflects mere politics and spin, but we do recall saying when Pope Benedict was chosen the Catholic Church may have "squandered an opportunity" by electing a 78-year-old pontiff. He will be 80 in April. Is it too soon to think of the next pope?

Posted 7:52 PM by Gene

When was the last time you heard that bold cliché, "AMERICA'S GREATEST EX-PRESIDENT"? Not lately? Well, despite its conservative bona-fides (and citing FRONTPAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), this article may explain why.

Posted 6:36 PM by Gene

MR. MELODRAMA moves his gay-marriage shtick and other shticks to Atlantic.com, presumably to keep from getting fired, and no one cares.

Maybe SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGING isn't what it used to be.

(Via the hyperkinetic MICKEY!!!!!)

Posted 3:17 PM by Gene

Newt Gingrich says he would run as ‘last resort’



HEEEEEEEEEEERE I COMMMMMMMME TO SAVE THE DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!

Posted 3:11 PM by Gene

"Grimace" all you want, Mr. FBI, because LALA's undertaking another unserious project to "stop" gang warfare -- unserious because the ruling class will always find an excuse to let up, unserious because it takes place out of sight of those who are charged to stop it.

Posted 1:03 PM by Gene

HILLARY WINS!!!!!!!!!!

So far.

Posted 9:54 AM by Gene

Now the world will get to know what a RENDELL FOR PRESIDENT campaign would be like.

Posted 9:41 AM by Gene

RAH! RAH! RAH! SIS! BOOM! BAH!

"The Departed" is a great mob movie. "Dreamgirls" is a great musical adaptation. "The Queen" is a great political drama. "Babel" is a great globe-hopping thinking-person's thriller. And though they aren't getting the attention they deserve, Clint Eastwood's two WWII dramas - "Flags of Our Fathers" and "Letters From Iwo Jima" - are great war movies.

And Jack is a GREAT example of the thousands of base scribblers who PAY TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO THE OS-CARS®!

RIGHT, MR. GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME?

Posted 9:37 AM by Gene

When Norm Thomas's grandson writes about this Missouri kidnapping for the cover, it has to be a slow news -- er, period. So let's see what's in AMERICAS LEA...NEWSWEEKLY'S OVERSEAS EDITIONS:

It's SEVEN SIMPLE IDEAS THAT CAN SAVE THE WORLD!!!!! Aw JonBoy, why did you have to play up that other story? President Gore was counting on you!