Posted 7:41 PM by Gene

Oh, goody. The military chooses Muslim chaplains from "the grass roots," and we all know what kinds of bugs can reside there.

Posted 7:35 PM by Gene

Hmmm, looks like some members of the American chapter of the British Vicarage and Tea-Time Club prefer a stronger brew.

Posted 7:13 PM by Gene

6:12 Howard Dean says he'd like balanced budget in 1st term

6:13 Dean says he'd accept federal deficits to create jobs [CBS Marketwatch headlines]

FLIP...FLOP!

Posted 6:50 PM by Gene

Six of one....

Posted 6:46 PM by Gene

20,000, 750,000, 2 million -- who's counting when you're having a good time?

Posted 6:40 PM by Gene

CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) says:

Opposition to the war has always been strong in Britain. Several large peace protests were held during the war, though none matched a huge rally on Feb. 15, before the conflict began, when between 750,000 and 2 million people marched through central London.

We may have to start The Jack Garland Accuracy Award!

Posted 6:10 PM by Gene

The DO meets FATSO.

Posted 6:05 PM by Gene

The rest of the world should not let the Burmese generals get away with this. This “jam tomorrow” charade which has been so painful and so wretched for the Burmese people has gone on long enough.

ARAB NEWS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Posted 6:03 PM by Gene

The corpse of Patsy Mink is stirring: Cheerleading is now a varsity sport at the University of Maryland.

Does that mean we ditch the football team?

Posted 5:56 PM by Gene

Yes, the media are in the customer service biz -- and guess who the first customers are (everyone rise and repeat after me):

We are in the business of helping our customers grow their businesses. We do this effectively with our wide variety of media and entertainment products.

We believe in maximizing our customer's satisfaction, we will deserve and will earn their continued loyalty. Our goal is to have long term, mutually profitable relationships.

We believe in providing superior value to customers through high quality, technologically advanced, fairly priced services designed to meet customer needs better than all the possible alternatives....

We believe the ultimate measure of our success is to provide a superior value to our stockholders.

LET THEM EAT RADIOS!

Posted 5:52 PM by Gene

Coordinated protests were held across western Europe and in Turkey and South Korea, but were only a faint shadow of huge pre-war peace rallies.

I gather it might be difficult to rally for Saddam.

Posted 12:52 PM by Gene

News hacks reading this will think they've got a good thing going with QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, and why stop with a good thing if our new guy can win the White House!

Yep, I see why Dubya ignores the papers.

Posted 12:42 PM by Gene

Actually I think FU Inc. would be a better idea.

Posted 12:35 PM by Gene

When a "militant" blows himself up without killing anyone else, does he still get his 72 Helen Thomases?

Posted 12:31 PM by Gene

RUMMY MUST RESIGN!

Brought to you by THE OSAMA CHANNEL! (Talk about guilt by association.)

Freely! Freely FrAAAAAAAAAAAAAleigh!

Posted 6:06 PM by Gene

[A]n organization with an ombudsmen [sic] is almost always one that has a customer service problem. Not to mention staffing bloat.

This is true with consumer products companies, this is true with the movie industry (their "ombudsmen" are the IDIOTS who cook up JACK'S ALPHABET SOUP), and it's true A-number-1 with the NEWS HACKS. Yes, think of the news biz as one big CUSTOMER SERVICE ORGANIZATION and it really starts to stink.

I just wish he'd used the right noun.

Posted 5:54 PM by Gene

Well, well! The holy cockroaches are taking our bait.

And of course, what's a Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friend's article without a half-truth? "American troops are being killed almost daily in Iraq." Recently we went almost two weeks without a fatality. Lately we've gone three or four straight days without one. But as CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) says, the "media" are owned by "conservative Republicans," which makes this half-truth-telling essential.

Posted 3:12 PM by Gene

CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) says most "media" are owned by "conservative Republicans" (like Pinch, St. Warren of Buffett, Sumner, etc.), which means we're justified in screaming bloody QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I love that photograph. No offense, Curly.)

Posted 2:41 PM by Gene

NYC mayor "honestly annoyed" city has no casino

Well honestly Mike, spend your money and build one!

Posted 2:30 PM by Gene

How news hacks write: this one gets so carried away with the usual rock-blurb-copywriter's adjectives over the fortieth anniversary of the audio cassette that he misspells its inventing company's name, three times -- it's PHILIPS, and it's only one of the world's leading electronics firms, that's all.

Posted 2:23 PM by Gene

The success of the evil twins of Arab satellite TV "news" shows Arabs prefer the unvarnished lie to the whole truth. Good luck, Dubya.

Posted 2:11 PM by Gene

Edward Said leaves important legacy



Yeah. He was the Sandy Koufax of rocks.

(SORRY! SORRY!! Dizzy Dean, Dizzy Dean!!!!! Koufax was a lefty.)

Posted 1:57 PM by Gene

Major powers steering Middle East diplomacy on Friday put the onus on Palestinians....

WAIT A SECOND! I thought it was always the ISRAELIS' fault!!

Posted 1:37 PM by Gene

Having been linked by The Professor to these pertinent twenty questions, I'll ask a twenty-first: how many of the babies who starved under Saddam are starving no longer?

I think we can count on the Beeb, the Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends, Robert "Beat Me" Fisk, James Dickey's son, etc., etc., ad nauseum, to find us one who still is.

Posted 1:27 PM by Gene

I am sorry to hear that George Plimpton has died. One might at first blush dismiss him as a gimmick writer, a man in search of a publicity stunt, but the one book of his I've read, his oral biography of Truman Capote, is a fine piece of work; it takes more than transcription and editing to create a memorable portrait from so many and conflicting voices. RIP.

Posted 10:44 AM by Gene

Is baseball not worth watching because the announcers aren't worth listening to?

Posted 9:44 AM by Gene

I can see James Dickey's son passing the poor intern or clerk responsible for sorting through the bozo's e-mail, and saying with a wicked grimace from a Gahan Wilson cartoon, "How many death threats did we get today? hahaha!" And the poor intern or clerk, thoroughly petrified and his face a shade of ash or pea-soup green, or maybe a mix of both, goes on doing the thankless work knowing the bozo thinks he's a low-IQ parasite.

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

S-s-s-six m-m-months! I g-g-get the m-m-m-message, K-K-K-K-Kofi!

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

According to Nielsen BookScan, which tracks sales in the United States, Madonna’s book sold 57,369 copies in its first full week, ranking No. 5 overall.

The top seller was Dr. Phil McGraw’s “The Ultimate Weight Solution,” with sales of 215,536.

I love it. THE MAN beaten by a diet book.

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

We've heard of Russia going authoritarian for years. We heard it under Yeltsin too. Yes, we should worry, but even Russia under Putin is much freer than the Soviet Union under Gorby.

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

This'll make Larry ecstatic: MR. SHAKEDOWN turned the NYSE into a catering hall for political sleazeballs.

Posted 6:52 AM by Gene

Media could be targeted [in Iraq]

This makes absolutely no sense. If these fighters could read (in English, anyway) they'd see "the media" are their best friends and will do whatever it takes to help them win. BBC, The Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends, Robert "Beat Me" Fisk, James Dickey's son, and anyone who ever took a bribe from Saddam's information ministry are automatically on their side. Why in God's name would they want to go after their propaganda arm?

Posted 3:49 PM by Gene

Palestinian President Yasser Arafat urged Israel on Thursday to work with the Palestinians toward a lasting peace in holiday greetings dismissed by Israel as propaganda.

Arafat made the comments in a message sent to Israeli President Moshe Katsav ahead of the Jewish New Year, which starts on sundown Friday.

"On this occasion we pray to God to enable us to work together honestly to build the basis for a just, lasting and comprehensive peace and to achieve the historic reconciliation aspired to by our two neighboring Israeli and Palestinian peoples," Arafat said in the message.

I KNOW! I KNOW TEACH! This time he sent it in English -- AND HEBREW!!!!!

Who translated?

Posted 1:50 PM by Gene

Who wants to bet the Stop-Annoying-Me-During-Dinner-Anti-Salesman-Yakety-Yak Act is declared unconstitutional?

Posted 1:42 PM by Gene

I got bad news, NewsMax: The Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends are selling a GREAT SATAN Deck of Cards made in Moscow, and with their help it should soon be a best-seller on all the loony-left sites.

P. S. They're selling a French version too.

Posted 1:36 PM by Gene

Now the Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends have a new version of QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -- THE HELPLESS GIANT.

These folks act as if the only people reading them are tethered to a TeleType machine, and their copy takes several days to get out.

Posted 12:09 PM by Gene

And yesterday (wouldn'tcha know) it emerged a virus hit a Foggy Bottom visa database, though knowing the Fogheads they probably didn't notice.

Posted 11:31 AM by Gene

The same day Kinsley.com yelled and screamed about Dubya's AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! speech, why, if a computer trade journal doesn't run a story that OUR RELIANCE ON BILL THE ENTOMOLOGIST POSES "A DANGER TO NATIONAL SECURITY"!

Who's more powerful, oh holy Wizard of Redmond?

BIG CAVEAT: This is Bill's greedy competitors speaking.

Posted 11:04 AM by Gene

I don't like it either that Dubya's one of the most super-secret presidents ever -- it took his motley crew TWO YEARS just to reopen the White House to visitors, and then with ifs ands and buts -- nonetheless, QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! teaches us what would happen if the president allowed protesters within earshot, and if he refuses to read a paper that just fired a sociopathic plagiarist, it's NOT HIS FAULT. Besides, a superbig media company like yours doesn't exactly help democracy with its superclever machinations.

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

The mad mullahs of Iran are almost as good at flip-flopping as Gen. McClellan.

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

Islamic fundamentalists aren't famous for listening to international outrage, so one wonders why they reversed this sentence. Was it interfering with the cause? Was it bad PR? Did SUPERHOOPER call?

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

Another profile in courage -- this time by Israeli pilots.

Of course, there's a punchline, in the third graf: some pilots have done this before -- and most of them weren't on active duty.

Posted 8:20 AM by Gene

Shucks, we get another leading holy cockroach.

Posted 8:14 AM by Gene

That Chinese publisher gives a wink and a nod to SUMNER, saying in so many words that his company approved The Expurgated Adventures of Sen. Rodham.

Posted 9:19 PM by Gene

W sways France on Iraq

So much for that AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! speech.

Posted 9:04 PM by Gene

Families of U.S. bombing raid victims demand halt in Lockerbie settlement

One wonders if Moammar engineered this too.

I guess the Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends will be harping on this for weeks.

Posted 8:44 PM by Gene

One Judge Sics Telemarketers on 50 Million Americans

Wait a second! I thought telemarketing was FREE ENTERPRISE!

Posted 8:27 PM by Gene

Well here GoogleBlogger was humming along nicely for a while, then it gets THE HICCUPS -- and THEN:

Internal Server Error

The server encountered an internal error or misconfiguration and was unable to complete your request.

Please contact the server administrator, root@ssdhcp-10-32-56-65.corp.google.com and inform them of the time the error occurred, and anything you might have done that may have caused the error.

More information about this error may be available in the server error log.

Yeah, right. We'll have to consult it. Especially if it's my fault. (I like your grammar, by the way. "Please contact the server administrator and inform them." Almost as good as your software!)

Posted 5:48 PM by Gene

BUSH TO WORLD: DROP DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fred Kaplan on the president's AWFUL U. N. speech!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Uh, ENTOMOLOGISTS, be careful with that language -- guess which company and its omnipotent Wizard of Redmond inspire almost as much flame mail and hate sites as the White House. And in many ways, you're more powerful than Dubya -- especially when your creepy crawlers kick in.

Posted 5:38 PM by Gene

Maybe what's happened to Sumner's Viacon is the economy, STUPID (and by stupid we mean Adolf W. Guess-Who), but maybe, to quote Tom "BAN THE PVR!" Wolzien, it's "something more fundamental going on in advertising" -- like people using TiVos to avoid commercials, or people using their remotes to avoid commercials, or people flat-out avoiding old-line media altogether to avoid commercials. MAYBE, Summer and ZON, thirty-minute commercial breaks on the radio and ten-minute commercial breaks on TV just won't cut it anymore. MAYBE, Sumner and ZON, people are FINALLY getting wise to the fact that the money from your CLIENTS is going almost entirely to annoy and offend them. Could that be?

Posted 12:29 PM by Gene

Good news, Larry -- maybe the NEXT MR. SHAKEDOWN will get what he deserves too!

Posted 12:18 PM by Gene

I find it hard to believe Sumner and his frauds didn't know the Chinese censored Sen. Rodham's book; The Brow's been, shall we say, cultivating the Chinese for years -- rather in the ways of Sen. Rodham's former, er, you know. (Or Sumner's opposite number RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, who's struck a few compromising positions of his own.) I can believe the Senator is making a big stink because it might make him look bad. (NOTHING makes Sumner look bad, not even a hotel fire.)

Posted 12:11 PM by Gene

WE WANT SADDAM!! WE WANT SADDAM!!

Posted 12:00 PM by Gene

Baghdad Blasts Undermine Bush Bid for Iraq Backing

GOOD!!!!!

(I guess the Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends are still sore that our soldiers got off the hook for killing their cameraman.)

Posted 10:46 AM by Gene

One last Ka-CHING for MR. SHAKEDOWN!

Hope that makes you feel better, LARRY.

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

We're sick of your music TOO, Nose.

Posted 10:15 AM by Gene

Our last best chance to prosecute Adolf W. Bush -- FOILED.

Now I guess we'll have to try for impeachment.

Posted 9:10 AM by Gene

Terrorism -- or a soil sample?

Posted 6:30 PM by Gene

Democrats say WITHDRAW FROM IRAQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in a new way.

Posted 3:20 PM by Gene

Five fifth-columnists, maybe.

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

Guess what happened to the NINTH CIRCUIT COURT's ruling. You'll NEVER guess.

Posted 1:51 PM by Gene

Wonderful. CNN is reporting another fifth-columnist at Guantanamo.

DUBYA! RUMMY!!

Posted 10:53 AM by Gene

I hadn't paid much attention to the arrest of that Muslim chaplain at Guantanamo, figuring, well, he said the wrong things. But the case against him is slowly rising to the level of treason, and it may not be an exaggeration to speak of a small but deadly fifth-column in our ranks.

P. S. The incarcerated chaplain grew up as a Lutheran (one of the weenie denominations) and converted to Islam, which further confirms my belief that the loony-left-PC Protestant churches and fundamentalist Islam are opposite extremes.

Posted 10:32 AM by Gene

Did anyone notice that Dubya spelled out his position on the League in a FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News interview first publicized on NRO? Maybe if you CW NEWS HACKS didn't rely on the usual sources and Democrats and "formers" and "retireds" and didn't keep wishin' and hopin' and prayin' that we fail in Iraq, he might assent to talk to you. But no, to paraphrase the title of an old Rodgers-and-Hart musical, "WE'D RATHER BE RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!"

Posted 9:16 AM by Gene

How nice to live in a nation whose religion (and craven ruling class) guarantees you'll never be attacked by terrorists.

Posted 6:52 AM by Gene

Now Bertelsmann wants to merge its record biz with Sony's.

I got an idea, guys, let's all merge into ONE BIG RECORD COMPANY and REALLY shaft the public.

Posted 6:37 AM by Gene

eBay does again what it does best: create good publicity for itself.

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

Among the great NOBEL LAUREATE's proposals for "radicalizing" the League of Nations are "expan[ding]...the Security Council and...review[ing]...the methods it uses to handle new challenges brought by preemptive action, weapons proliferation and the long-standing problems of poverty and disease. Annan will call for the appointment of a panel of international experts to consider the most pressing questions facing the U.N. as an institution and ask that it deliver its recommendations by this time next year." [ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.]

"We have come to a fork in the road," says Kofi.

And we know from earlier you'll improve on Yogi Berra's advice and take all the silverware, all the dishes, and all the food when people aren't looking.

Posted 6:21 AM by Gene

Oh. Does this mean WALTER WINCHELL has ESP?

No. it just means WALTER WINCHELL's still an intolerable multi-millionaire blowhard.

Posted 6:13 AM by Gene

"We think the international community has a strong interest in Iraq being a success," Negroponte said Monday. "None of us want Iraq to fail."

But you guys at the League don't want the Americans to succeed, so you do want Iraq to fail. Perhaps we can get Kurt Waldheim out of retirement to run the government for us. That would be a success.

Posted 6:49 PM by Gene

What-so-EVER shall the League of Nations do about Iran?

I know! It can pass a resolution!

Posted 6:34 PM by Gene

And speaking of Freely, here's another reason he and other top advertising honchos will spend spend spend on TV until hell and their budgets freeze over:

An alarming fact for advertisers: 52 percent [of TV viewers] say they leave the room during commercials.

Here are my suggestions, Freely: 1) Make the ads MORE frenetically annoying, 2) Turn up the volume on their audio -- WAY up, 3) invade the video with all kinds of bugs, crawlers, and pop-ups, 4) have the characters pitch your products as part of the plot, and 5) FINANCE MORE DISGUSTING SHOWS!

P. S. This study was sponsored by RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S DIRECTV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, so there's another reason you don't have to listen.

Posted 6:06 PM by Gene

THE GREAT SATAN RELIES ON MASTERS OF GENOCIDE FOR IRAQI SECURITY!!!!!

Oh Freely Fraleigh! Isn't it time to sell some more clunker -- Chevys? The only banner ad I see is STILL from CATARRH Airways!

Posted 5:59 PM by Gene

Has Zelig Selig doctored down the baseball?

Posted 5:54 PM by Gene

WHY ISN'T WALTER WINCHELL SCREAMING THIS STORY AT THE TOP OF HIS MULTI-MILLION-DOLLAR LUNGS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Posted 5:44 PM by Gene

After being subjected in a RONG-AID to a promo from The CHEAP and EisnerCorp Network -- sort of like a promo from Hitler and Stalin -- I thought to myself, Mickey Mouse Michael and Bozo Bob are probably cursing that they didn't get John Ritter's death on tape. He could have gone out with a 30 RATING.

Posted 2:32 PM by Gene

I guess a lot of people must be complaining about the Freedom Fighter Fighters' Friends™ and their ilk, for the head apologist at BuffettMedia's flagship has issued the usual self-exculpatory "explanation."

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

Mandatory sentences seemed like such a good idea -- until they kicked in.

Posted 9:27 AM by Gene

Dubya stands firm on Iraq -- and our vulture enemies circling around the League of Nations. And as even Thomas Friedman has admitted, France tops the list. We must do what's best for the Iraqis, not for the Vichy oil barons.

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

Oooooooh, this isn't supposed to happen in the safe, legal world of abortions ooooooooh!

And definitely not with the miracle drug!

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

Total cease fire #57284!

Posted 3:56 PM by Gene

NBC bets big on a Friends-like sex comedy. What more could you ask for? Try sexiness and comedy

Obviously not produced by TIME WARNER. (But it IS produced by GE BANCORP NETWORK'S newly betrothed. LITTLE JEFFREY! TIME TO TURN ON THE FOG MACHINE AGAIN!)

Posted 3:41 PM by Gene

In a press release that inspired a press release, Regal Entertainment Group has announced it's banning certain videogames from its lobbies for their content. If there were justice the company should be scathingly ridiculed, for what it bans in the lobbies it allows on its screens, and one can be sure Regal (like its partners in the popcorn-palace industry) relies on its stupid ushers to "enforce" JACK'S ALPHABET SOUP, which thus goes defacto unenforced.

And as if proof were needed these imbeciles don't know their rear ends from a hole in the ground, here's a schedule (FOR ADVERTISERS!) of upcoming releases for the next four months.

Posted 1:04 PM by Gene

Woodster the Perv's latest masterwork is every bit the box-office bomb that Giggly was -- but nobody will call it such because the Perv is a "GENIUS." Isn't it time for a financially unstable company like DayDreams KGB to pull the plug on him, and let the Perv retire to a life of buggering his adopted-daughter wife?

By the way, WALTER WINCHELL, whatever happened to Buffalo Soldiers?!?!?

Posted 12:56 PM by Gene

Democrat Biden Urges U.S. to 'Box' the French

A right to the body, a left to the jaw....

Posted 12:45 PM by Gene

The chief holy cockroach behind 9/11 has spilled some substantial beans -- and from what he's apparently saying, it could have been worse. I do wonder though what the reason for leaking this is.

Will Dubya's henchmen please tell us when this guy meets up with his 72 Helen Thomases?

Posted 10:19 AM by Gene

OH oh, Larry -- MORE injustice at the NYSE!

Posted 9:58 AM by Gene

Some more grownups engage in adolescence -- "radical" adolescence -- and a BLUNDER hack covers for them by engaging in a news-hack specialty: euphemism. "The performances are often R-rated." You can tell a hack is thinking about the cause and his/her/its employment when he/she/it engages in euphemism.

And I have a question, MESS: you always show the top-rated stories, but never the bottom-rated ones. WHY? Or do only Little Jeffrey, Bill the Entomologist and MR. MARK get to see those?

Which reminds me -- the blithering superpatriotic moron Jonathan is "the originator and author" of Conventional Wisdom Watch. (Only you won't find the information on the MESS; it appears in the out-of-the-way BLUNDER Media Kit [479,310 on Alexa].) Did you get a standing O in the office (or rather, a standing O-say-can-you-see) the day you penned the ARROGANT BLUNDER, Jon?

Posted 9:51 AM by Gene

In March, 1938, Wall Street was rocked by revelations that Richard Whitney, a former chairman of the New York Stock Exchange, had embezzled money from that organization and some of its customers. Whitney, who was still an NYSE board member, was expelled, and most of the board resigned.

And Larry Kudlow would have said, HE DESERVED THE MONEY!!!!!

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

September 21, 2003 ........ Subscribe to Entertainment Weekly already! [ad]

Everybody has a printing press now.

Right, Buzz. Only some of us own a dime-store toy with the rubber letters and a stamp pad, and some of us own The New York Times.

Posted 9:22 AM by Gene

One of the many reasons I hate the movie-ad-blurb copywriters is that their ads are a showcase for the most nauseatingly "cute" writing. And as Tom "The Pen is Mightier than the TV" Shales proves, the TV blurbists can do just as well -- even better, when they have a "contributor."

Posted 9:12 AM by Gene

Well I gotta tell ya Al, this new Soldier Field is really a BEAUTIFUL stadium.

WHAP!

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

Harvard may "fail to provide rigor, coherence, and basic knowledge," but it does provide that degree, which is why so many corrupt pols and overpaid CEOs and about two-thirds of all dissembling news hacks are Ivy Leaguers.

In the back of his head Lawrence Summers must realize, the fewer the courses the better. Let's see the faculty hand him that head on a platter.