Posted 9:55 PM by Gene

The SAUDIS are blasting P. R. MIKE, so you KNOW they're desperate.

Posted 9:53 PM by Gene

OOOOH! The Sudanese cave -- to a PEACE OF PAPER!

The League of Nations is BACK?!?!?

Posted 9:39 PM by Gene

PINCH! unearths some more of His heroes, including poster ARTISTES whose work "bear[s] an image of a Godzilla-size George W. Bush rampaging through Midtown skyscrapers above the directive 'Fight Back!'"

Unfortunately for PINCH! and the artistes, Godzilla did strike. He wore a beard. And I don't think he can be fought with posters.

P. S. Here is LE ART. No BUSH=HITLER -- yet. (Maybe PINCH! could have His scribblers praise THAT.)

P. P. S.



Thought I should bring this up now that PAPEROFRECORD.com is inflicting FULL-SCREEN POP-UPS on its surfers.

Posted 9:33 PM by Gene

God knows the holy cockroaches are famous for their evil braggadocio, but with them the surest defense is to assume that occasionally they may not be lying.

Posted 9:31 PM by Gene

Looks like the megalomaniacs in the GE Bancorp Obscure Sports and Sappy Featurettes Orgy Hoops Tournament are IN TRAINING.

Posted 4:45 PM by Gene

Excellent news: John D. Rockefeller's heirs will eventually move their production from a terror-breeding desert to a genocide-breeding jungle.

Posted 4:36 PM by Gene

OH oh, bloggers have ARRIVED:

In 2004 the traditional chorus of complaints has swelled with a fresh set of high, piping voices. These were the bloggers, nearly a hundred of them, or so I heard, who were granted press credentials and workstations and who arrived in Boston and set to work with the earnest, insouciant enthusiasm of the hobbyist, which is their chief charm. From what I've gathered over the last few years, clicking randomly from one blog to another, it is the job of a blogger to record his every neural discharge, faithfully and minutely, leaving no thought unpublished, no matter how uninteresting. Bloggers think and think and think and scribble and scribble and scribble, and yet at the Democratic National Convention, perhaps for the first time in their lives, they found themselves in a situation where, by general acclamation, there was nothing to think about! They were not deterred for long, needless to say. They started to think about why there was nothing to think about, and that was all they needed. They were off. Graphomania reclaimed its throne.

Posted 4:31 PM by Gene

Has anyone noticed that THEPAPEROFRECORD.com has gone the annoying full-screen pop-up route also?

Posted 4:26 PM by Gene

NEWSWEEK POLL: DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION 2004 -- Kerry/Edwards Leads Bush/Cheney 52 to 44 Percent; Dems Receive Two-Point Margin Bounce in Two-Way Race, Four-Point Bounce in Three-Way Race

Repeat after us, America: it's better than nothing, it's better than nothing, it's better than nothing....

The everlovin' BOUNCES are within what these cranks love to call THE MARGIN OF ERROR -- in short, we have yet another survey meant to FOOL PEOPLE.

Posted 2:16 PM by Gene

PROF and little are gleefully dancing (and exchanging notes) over DIP's "mis-step" with four Marines. Such incidents bother me because, whether the Marines like it or not, and whether they like HIM or not, DIP could be their boss. It behooves them to keep their mouths shut, otherwise if our soldiers become partisan, they lose authority; and as I've said before, a politicized military will be a factor if we ever fight a second Civil War -- which, given the way some people talk, is not entirely unlikely.

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

I wish I knew what STERNO's trying to say here. When you've worked half your career for Steve 'n' Gerry it must play mind games on you. Is STERNO saying DIP's honorable for campaigning on his 'Nam experience? Or dishonorable? Is STERNO trying to be ironic? Or isn't he? What are you saying, STERNO? Wish you were back at the pre-Warner "Time Inc."?

Posted 1:43 PM by Gene

MORE INTREPID REPORTING FROM OMERTA:

If Sen. John F. Kerry gained ground among the uncommitted after four days of spectacle and urgent speeches at the Democratic convention in Boston, he had yet to seal the deal, a sample of undecided voters indicated Friday during interviews across the country.

The forceful tone of Kerry's acceptance speech — on points such as involving foreign allies in Iraq and protecting American jobs from outsourcing — made a strong impression on eight randomly selected registered voters.

Hey MERT! If you really want to decide the election you should quote ONE BLOGGER EXCLUSIVELY! I've an idea who you should start with.

Posted 1:36 PM by Gene

KERRY FOR PRESIDENT (aka CURLEY'S [Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!] STOOGES) campaigns -- er, REPORTS A TIDAL WAVE OF REPUBLICANS IS SUPPORTING THE NOBLE DEMOCRATIC TICKET!!!!!

OR (NEXT-TO-LAST GRAF):

Clay Richards, assistant director of the Polling Institute at Quinnipiac University in Connecticut, says Kerry is getting about 11 or 12 percent of the Republican vote in Pennsylvania and New Jersey while Bush is drawing 9 or 10 percent of his support from Democrats, not a statistically significant crossover [!!!!!!!!!!!].

AND CURLEY'S STOOGES REPORTED ON DIP'S ACCEPTANCE SPEECH WITH ESP.

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

The Osama Channel wants "R-E-S-P-E-C-T"!!!!!

STOP FLACKING FOR O-S-A-M-A!!!!!

Posted 8:00 AM by Gene

Once again a bad columnist proves that the first thing people do when reading a bad columnist is ask a question that does not rebound to the bad columnist's favor, e.g., Where were you during 'Nam?

Posted 7:55 AM by Gene

NOW THE FORCES OF CATHOLIC REACTION BATTLE FEMINISM! BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

PINCH! What are we going to DO about it? (I know: slant as usual.)

Posted 7:51 AM by Gene

I think it's time for the EAR BITER to look at himself in the MIRROR.

With that TATTOO he may not want to.

Posted 7:48 AM by Gene

If the head rots....

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

Here's why there's something slightly sickening about The Second Coming of Comden and Green: we may forgive youthful enthusiasm in youth, but it's hard to forgive it in fortysomethings who merely look like Comden and Green (or rather Comden and Oscar Levant, who played a Green-like figure in The Band Wagon). And the quite lyrical excerpt points to another problem:

Farmin' the land is the life for me

It calls me and I cain't say no

But I'd gladly forsake any shovel or rake

I'm in love with a wonderful hoe!

Oh, What [sic] beautiful corn! etc., etc., ETC.

It's very keeyute -- the kind of stuff Comden and Green could wiz off in a flash at a party with Lenny Bernstein. (The resemblance to "I Said Good Morning" is palpable, though not especially palatable.) But the Golden Age songwriters didn't get by on being keeyute. While The Second Coming of Comden and Green have evidently spent much of their career writing catch-as-catch-can chuckle lyrics to (no doubt) pastiche melodies, those long-deceased deathless masters had already written trunks full of songs, memorable songs, enduring songs. There is a difference between having connections and being inspired. Leaving aside that (as the article notes) the very industry structure that nurtured the Golden Age artists was dismantled long ago, neither Comden II and Green II nor any other would-be Broadway songwriter of our time will ever get anywhere because none of them has the slightest INSPIRATION.

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

Has anyone thought of compiling a list of the greatest pop-up-ad offenders and starting a boycott?

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

EXHIBIT 42,476 in "WHY NEWS HACKS CAN'T THINK":

Rove's Blunder
How Bush wrote Kerry's acceptance speech.

The Composite Candidate
Eight losers helped John Kerry write his acceptance speech.

We may assume, therefore, that EVERYBODY wrote the DIP's speech EXCEPT DIP.

Posted 11:36 AM by Gene

Eric Rockwell and Joanne Bogart are roommates by necessity, best friends and collaborators in a dream as old as the Great White Way: They want to write a big-ticket musical and see it produced on Broadway. And then they want to write another.

Rockwell (on the phone with his agent): "We need an idea for a new show."

Bogart (rummaging through old videos): "How about a musical of 'Citizen Kane'?"

Rockwell: "I can hear the closing number — 'Everything's coming up Rosebuds.' "

Bogart: "Maybe you need a better punch line."

Rockwell: "Maybe you need a better idea!"

As one who dreamed of writing his own Broadway show can say, NUF SAID.

Posted 11:16 AM by Gene

[D]oes the Kerry vision translate into a safer world? Would a Kerry presidency deepen multinational cooperation in the global battle against jihadists? Hopes are high in some European quarters.

The results may prove more complex and even disappointing to these Europeans, analysts warn. Despite deep divisions over Iraq, counterterrorism cooperation is already at an all-time high, even with countries like France and Germany. The Kerry camp vows to "isolate extremists rather than isolating ourselves." But that may prove difficult with the Iraq and Palestinian questions still looming large over US relations with the wider world. Al Qaeda and its jihadists, meanwhile, are unlikely to give a new US president - dove or hawk - a honeymoon period, experts say.

Not even wiz ze ACCENT?

Posted 10:52 AM by Gene

In the old days, a statement like this by John "Rosemary Clooney is Square" Rockwell --

There is an obvious linkage between mass commercial art and politics, quite apart from individual actors and directors and pop musicians espousing a political view.

-- would have been carved into PAPER OF RECORD stone as the Word of G - PINCH, no further debate required. Still when he goes on to write,

But given the leftward tilt of Hollywood and our coastal cultural elites, the right has reason to complain that commercial television, films and music often advance a left-leaning political agenda.

we must recognize it as progress, however small, a grudging recognition that some people are, yes, right of THE PAPER OF RECORD.

Posted 10:00 AM by Gene

HOW AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS WRITE: a "stunningly passionate acceptance speech" that was "awfully dull at times."

TOM!!!!! Can't you go back to writing how FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is a threat to the republic with its steady stream of BRILLIANT NEW SERIES?

Posted 9:37 AM by Gene

At least two college athletic conferences have been contacted by the Department of Justice in connection with a possible antitrust investigation into ESPN's acquisition of college basketball and football contracts.

Da-da-DUT! Da-da-daaaaaaaaaaaaaaa da DUT DUT!

Posted 9:17 AM by Gene

Another G000,000,000,000GLE News headline:

Arnold is governor of California

Posted 9:11 AM by Gene

Miss America pageant axes talent routines

Last year, an all-time low 10.3 million viewers tuned in, marking a steady decline over the last few years.

It's all the same; I haven't watched since they fired Bert Parks.

Posted 9:01 AM by Gene

I guess they weren't listening to the speech last night.

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

A SHEEPISH CORRECTION: I referred to the orator of Gettysburg as "Edward Everett Horton." (No known relation.) STUPIDE!

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

Vietnam is John Kerry's log cabin.

Whig candidates William Henry Harrison and John Tyler of Virginia were elected after a campaign in which Harrison was associated with humble life in a log cabin. Actually, Harrison, born at "Berkeley" plantation, and Tyler were originally Virginia patricians.

Posted 8:06 AM by Gene

Dubya will respond by waving the menu from Wang's Restaurant.

Posted 6:56 AM by Gene

For a politician, there's nothing like blue neckwear to assure potential voters -- but they've got to beware of those pale shades that convey wimpiness.

So how to explain another irrelevance of the speech: the red tie that looked pink?

Posted 6:54 AM by Gene

This typically G000,000,000,000GLE head sums it up:

Enter a Category

Posted 6:19 AM by Gene

WELL, I sacrificed some sleep to watch P&G -- the Democratic Party roll out the NEW! IMPROVED!! DIPPITY-DO!!! It was a launch of staggering ineptitude: early on the looney left crowd seemed as completely bored as their audience, except when GEN. McCLELLAN stomped his feet and said we should get out of the QUAGMIRE!!!!!, or whatever he said; Sen. Morals had them clapping like frozen pancakes. Not even THE CLEANING LADY, full of LEGACY, could shake the crowd from its torpor; perhaps she was in another negotiation. After Lucas Spielberg's breathtakingly banal intro (with its expensively staged 8mm war footage) and MAX' exquisitely self-pitying downer the candidate launched into his imitation of Mr. Viagra's "Who Am I?" speech of '96. That senators cannot orate -- that virtually no politician can these days -- goes without saying (except among NEWS HACKS); but surely DIP could have said it in far less than the 55 minutes truncated to 42 because he was worried the BIG THREE would cut him off. Generations of school children studied the Gettysburg Address for a reason; the real lesson of that day in 1863, a lesson lost amidst the gas of newshackery and the Web and our age's infinite self-regard, is that Lincoln followed a "revered" speaker, Edward Everett, who eulogized for TWO HOURS, and whom the assembled dignitaries and flacks called BRILLIANT. (They virtually ignored Lincoln.) DIP would have spoken for two hours because he didn't know better. What he said I don't know, and I doubt he does either. Indeed the speech already languishes inert in history's landfill, and in short order so will the excesses and irrelevancies that cluttered it; the CPR on a hamster, the rock band, the marching up and down over 'Nam, the catwalk strutting of DIP's Sex and the City daughters, Bruce, THE SALUTE, the commuter-express delivery, "hair pollution," the f'in' balloon drop, all the manners of stupidity that mark this godawful age. A dead giveaway of its quality: JEFF GREENFIELD didn't exuberantly praise it.

Other than that, of course, it was

A BRILLIANT SPEECH.

Posted 10:56 PM by Gene

Wordy. WORDY.

Posted 8:36 PM by Gene

I didn't pay attention when Vir-GIN-ia first mentioned it, but it appears CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES have OUTDONE THEMSELVES: they've posted at least three stories reporting on DIP's speech IN THE PAST TENSE -- and HE HASN'T DELIVERED IT YET!!!!!



NYUK! NYUK! NYUK!

Posted 7:46 PM by Gene

With ferocious defiance from a jail cell in Japan, chess legend Bobby Fischer has told authorities he is a German citizen with the documents to prove it, invoking his lineage to a German-born father in an attempt to stymie any U.S. extradition proceedings against him.

YOU CERTAINLY DO SOUND IT.

Under German law, anyone born before 1975 to a German father who was married at the time, is entitled to citizenship. And Germany's extradition treaties do not allow its citizens to be deported to face charges in other countries, German officials in Tokyo said.

I SMELL AN INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT!

Posted 6:00 PM by Gene

Another one-time trendy fave of Wall Street did fancy accounting.

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

A rare find at the Whitney: $800G in workers' pockets

They must have thought it was ART.

Given its rep for PC I'm surprised the Whit had the two arrested.

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

I don't care if Pierce Brosnan returns as Bond, I want to know if "MGM" emits more money-making masterworks like DE-Lovely! 

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

Our fourth "news" event of the INFOMERCIAL: firemen got DIP's stepson out of a stuck elevator.

EXCITEMENT!

P. S. Typical wink-wink from RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:

Kerry Stepson Axed

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

Another holy cockroach arrested!

Think you could do it, DIP?

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

Our third "news" event of the INFOMERCIAL: a "scuffle" in the Illinois (?!?!?) delegation.

They'll be cheering tonight.  SHUT UP.

Posted 4:53 PM by Gene

KERRY FOR PRESIDENT (aka CURLEY'S [Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!] STOOGES) STEPS ON IT:

"Strength is more than tough words," he was to say in a speech for the Democratic National Convention. 
 
"We need to be looked up to and not just feared," the Massachusetts senator was to say in excerpts of his address obtained in advance by The Associated Press. "The future doesn't belong to fear; it belongs to freedom."

Hmmm, fear, future, freedom -- FRANCE!

Posted 1:23 PM by Gene

We give in to get a unanimous vote on a League of Nations piece of paper.

Posted 1:13 PM by Gene

The DOPE quit because he wanted to do DOPE!

Hey DOPE, you have the same set of priorities as EAR-BITER.

Posted 11:52 AM by Gene

The last time John Kerry gave a speech this important, he was 27 years old and testifying against the Vietnam War.

Bill!  Bill KELLER!!!!!

He has spent weeks drafting and rewriting his speech in a longhand few aides can decipher, and has turned for help to two of John F. Kennedy's best-known speechwriters - Theodore C. Sorensen and Richard N. Goodwin - while relying more heavily on his top consultant, Robert Shrum, the author of Senator Edward M. Kennedy's most celebrated oratory.
 
Does that include, "IRAQ IS GEORGE BUSH'S VIETNAM, AND THIS COUNTRY NEEDS A NEW PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?

There have been plenty of unmemorable acceptance speeches, and some colossal duds - like George McGovern's 1972 "Come home, America" address, which came at 2 a.m., when most voters were asleep, and Walter F. Mondale's 1984 speech, in which he warned that both he and Ronald Reagan would raise taxes, saying: "He won't tell you. I just did."

"Unfortunately," observed Adam Walinsky, who was Robert Kennedy's speechwriter and coached Mr. Kerry on his 1971 testimony, "the ones that stick in the mind are the disasters."
 
Not to worry -- this should be A BRILLIANT SPEECH.

Posted 11:37 AM by Gene

Some BUREAUCRAT has ordered NASA to pull DIP'S PIX from its WEB SITES, which gives you an idea why we have COMMISSIONS.

Posted 10:51 AM by Gene

The Democratic Party stands for TRUTH:

The platform handles divisive issues by simply ignoring them. It does not even mention partial-birth abortion, gay marriage, capital punishment, Alaska oil drilling or the Kyoto global warming treaty. It is hard to believe that such staples of liberal ideology could be kept out of a Democratic platform, but they were.

TRUTH, JUSTICE, AND THE AMERICAN WAY!

(Caveat: this IS Bob.)

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

Shucks! MR. SHARD (a GENIUS! thus saith HERBERT "The Blind Leading the Blind" MUSCHAMP) was going to build this SHARD in LONDON, but the PHILISTINES won't pony up the dough, so yet another dream of the modern Frank Lloyd Wright is doomed to the archives.

Posted 8:16 AM by Gene

Maturing Tyson Calm Ahead of Fight

Well, we all start as infants.

I wish I had the money he spent on his bathtub.

Posted 6:52 AM by Gene

Kerry's vision is remarkably unremarkable

NONETHELESS, George "MY BUSINESS IS MY BUSINESS" Will, YOU will hog ESPNCorp Network's air and eructate that HE DELIVERED A BRILLIANT SPEECH TOO.

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

REV! delivered a BRILLIANT SPEECH too.

WILL YOU IDIOTS SHUT UP?!?!? You wouldn't know a brilliant speech if it hit you on the head with a metaphor.

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

Dippity-DO!'s assistant DO! promised to WIN IN IRAQ, which must have caused P. R. MIKE to gain fifty pounds.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

Apparently Mrs. Heinz did NOT deliver a BRILLIANT speech (nor did Sen. "Shut the F Up" Leahy), but she's been the exception.

Posted 6:22 AM by Gene

OKAY, LEGENDARY C. DAVIS, YOU NOW HAVE PERMISSION TO THROW ALL YOUR COMPANY'S BACK CATALOG AND ANYTHING CLASSICAL AND JAZZ IN THE INCINERATOR -- ELVIS EXCEPTED.

(And after an embarrassing shoving match between the two "partners" he WILL run it.)

OR:

However, [FTC commissioner Mozelle] Thompson said the commission's investigation did not unearth enough evidence to block the venture and pointed out that "the growing clout among retailers may be enough to undermine" a collective power play by the major labels on the marketplace.

WISHFUL THINKING.

Posted 6:19 AM by Gene

Another BRILLIANT...oh never mind.

DIP's boys have been at it for MONTHS. Don't worry DIP, YOU'LL BE BRILLIANT TOO.

Posted 6:16 AM by Gene

Dubya shrugs his shoulders and picks anybody.

This is why he's in a dogfight.

Posted 7:30 PM by Gene

SO, MRS. SUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER's in the BIG-MEDIA BIZ. Doesn't that make you BIG MEDIA TOO, INST?

Posted 7:26 PM by Gene

Quelle surprise: Boston businesses are suffering the Olympic Effect -- thanks to THE INFOMERCIAL.

So much for Rendelling.

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

I am thinking of changing my blog design template this weekend; maybe that will attract two or three more hits a day. So for anyone who may actually read me more than on the spur of the Blogger.com moment, don't be startled.

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

OOPS:

Mickey is reduced to quoting cab drivers. Jonah is writing about his hotel....[T]he notion that being there has any real journalistic merit is preposterous. Next time, the bloggers should save the money and switch to C-Span.

Another example.

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

Whorvis Communications comes up with a brilliant new gag: an "Islamic force" to help sort out things in Iraq.

An Islamic force or a TROJAN HORSE?

Posted 4:49 PM by Gene

OKAY, okay, Sen. Obama said the right things last night (I'll give him credit), but I didn't get to hear them because I didn't want to be bored watching, and besides, when five million news hacks and ten zillion bloggers pull that "GREATEST SPEECH" gag you tend not to believe it by instinct.

Posted 2:01 PM by Gene

It's official: the League of Arab Kleptocracies decides GENOCIDE IS NOT A PROBLEM.

AS IF!

The international furor over Darfur, where some 30,000 people have been killed in the last 18 months, has produced a backlash in the Arab world, where many suspect that the United States, Britain and their allies in Iraq have ulterior motives.

Hey Nima! You ought to get together with Tim Curry!

Posted 12:36 PM by Gene

Another non-partisan non-sectarian non-side-taking NOBEL-WINNING organization TAKES THE RIGHT SIDE.



And whatever NEWS HACKS may say, the stick-out-like-a-sore-thumb presence of DIP's ads in so many "mainstream" news Web sites (and especially in contentious stories like this) makes one question their impartiality -- as if their impartiality needed questioning.

Posted 12:04 PM by Gene

Wouldn't it be great if FLORIDA decided the election AGAIN?

Posted 11:48 AM by Gene

1,706 WORDS on MRS. HEINZ' SPEECH is proof NEWS HACKS have NO MONOPOLY on OVERKILL.

Posted 11:33 AM by Gene

4-year-old takes a ride on airport conveyor belt

We all have such dreams; alas, most of us aren't four years old. (At least physically.)

Posted 10:48 AM by Gene

Philippines summons Australian envoy over foreign minister's criticism

BUKBUKBUKBUKBUKBUKBUKBUKBUKBUKBADOKBADOKKKKK!!!!!

Posted 10:27 AM by Gene

Fox News loves replaying video of Heinz Kerry-reporter spat

And NEWS HACKS love replaying QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 10:09 AM by Gene

But despite it all, these four days in July and four more in August exert a strange fascination. Because the delegates are actually people, and may go off-script at any time. Maybe even one of the pols will. Who knows when the human comedy might erupt, despite all the careful planning?

Problem is Paul, script or no script, we get comedy.

Posted 8:16 AM by Gene

And how do we know the TOP BLOGS reinforce the CW? Because that flatulent pundit JEFF GREENFIELD "reads about a dozen blogs regularly" -- we can GUESS which ones -- and you KNOW he won't read something if it causes his constipation to flare up (although God knows his thinking is the equivalent).

And a big fat smooch to THE PROFESSOR for finding this; he was probably looking for his name.

Posted 8:13 AM by Gene

PREDICTION: DIPPITY-DO does "A BRILLIANT JOB!!!!!!!!!!" whether he does or not.

Posted 6:52 AM by Gene

Bloggers like PROF and STERNO and ANDY and BLEAT and the whole gang that thinks it'll LIVE FOREVER THROUGH TECHNOLOGY should consider the sad fate of so many CDs deteriorating in record collections everywhere. To be sure, it probably only affects a small fraction of all CDs ever sold, but by placing our cultural fate in something as impermanent as zeroes and ones we risk our culture vanishing without a trace. The Gutenberg Bible lives; Shakespeare's First Folio lives. They're on paper, a medium that can last for centuries and cannot be upgraded into oblivion. PROF and his stellar COMPANY can only live through upgrades, and eventually that white knight won't come to the rescue.

Posted 6:49 AM by Gene

HEAD FOR THE HILLLLLLLLLLLLS!!!!!!!!!!

Time Warner Posts Lower Quarterly Profit

Posted 6:33 AM by Gene

The cliches are coming thick and fast from the scribblers at and around the INFOMERCIAL! Now it's "SEN. OBAMA DID A BRILLIANT JOB!!!!!!!!!!" I recall back in THE YEAR OF THE WOMAN how CNN ran a puff piece on one of the shining stars of that year of reason and truth, how she would smile her way through the House with the infectious charm of her idealism. WELL! Guess who that idealist was? CYNTHIA "IIIII HAAAAAAAAATE JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWS" McKINNEY! And she's COMING BACK! I wonder when SEN. OBAMA will display his bona fides. (Plus he comes from Illinois, so he'll have plenty of opportunity to get corrupted.)

BAAAAAAAAAAAD NEWS:

The buzz around Obama, who is favored to become the first black male Democratic senator, resembles that around another Illinois Senate candidate, Carol Mosely-[SIC]Braun....

PFFH-HH-HH!!!!!

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

An apparent loophole in National Collegiate Athletic Association eligibility regulations is leading an increasing number of top recruits to intentionally fail to graduate from high school so they can improve their chances of playing sooner in college.

I'm shocked! SHOCKED that this should happen in so simon-pure a realm as professional college sport!

Hey Dickie V! These athletes may be DUMB but they're not THAT dumb!

Posted 6:25 AM by Gene

It's as simple as ABC: Preschool teachers should have a B.A.

Given the raging incompetence of so many K-12 teachers we may presume this is just another excuse to spread the wealth.

Posted 6:22 AM by Gene

NASA removes foam in shuttle redesign

What else lurks?

Posted 6:20 AM by Gene

Of course we didn't pay ransom, we merely secured the release of a hostage.

Big difference between confirming or denying what everyone KNOWS you did.

Posted 6:25 PM by Gene

Our second "news" event of the infomercial: RALPHIE BOY WANTS CREDENTIALED.

Pffh-hh-hh!

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

More good news for America's CEOs:

Three dozen Athens restaurants fined for price-gouging

OR:

Charge it to my expense account!

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

OH WELL:

OH WELL: I was all enthused by the smart tactics of the Democrats on opening night, and then I find out almost no one watched it. No one even watched the ten o'clock hour, let alone what went before. A pity. This is too important an election to switch off.

"Almost no one watched it." I'll admit I've been guilty of that hyperbole myself; but judging as well as I can from Nielsen's statistical jibber jabber the three-network audience totaled 20 million, with addition millions doing the hip thing and watching on cable. Granted it's not 1952, and most of the people perhaps had their sets on for background noise, but this isn't chopped chicken liver (though Andy S.'s musings often are).

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

The nice thing about being a blogger is that you don't dispense CW. You dispense TRUTH.

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

Techies Reshape 9/11 History

No thanks, I really don't want to see the WTC collapse ten million more times.

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

Officer's family finds closure; pain lingers

Today's the day for my NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY! Closure is a figment of the news hack's imagination. For victims of violent crime, it's just another word. (But then for the NEWS HACK every entry in the Merriam-Webster's is just another word.)

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

Con-SER-va-tives will have a FIELD DAY with THIS one: MASS TRANSIT (at least this project) CAUSES TRAFFIC JAMS!

Mass transit might work better if it were privatized -- except that in the early 20th century it was, and then it was a sinkhole of corruption. Six of one....

Posted 4:51 PM by Gene

Some Democrats are skipping the convention this week and distancing themselves from the national ticket.

Louisiana...Texas...North Carolina...South Dakota.

Yeah.

Posted 4:49 PM by Gene

It appears this election, like too many before it, will be decided not be the candidate but by his handlers.

(Sorry for the NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Posted 3:40 PM by Gene

If any of The New York Times reporters covering the Democratic National Convention had hoped to relax with a cold beer inside Boston's Fleet Center after a hard day of work, they've been disappointed.

That's because, unlike at past conventions, outside booze -- or any bottled liquid for that matter -- is banned from the convention site, along with most food, hairspray, and even large umbrellas.

"It was rejected," said John Files, assistant to the Times' Washington editor, who tried late last week to bring several cases of beer and a case of wine into the press room for the Times scribes. "The Secret Service is particularly concerned about liquids, fearing bio-hazards, regardless of whether they are open or closed."

NO MORE INFOMERCIALS!

Posted 1:58 PM by Gene

Meantime on another high-flying cloud someone with aimless fingers types the notion that Sen. FATSO GLUB-GLUB is "LEGENDARY."

Typical NEWS-HACK BRAINLESSNESS:

Kennedy’s long record of liberal advocacy and his involvement in the 1969 Chappaquiddick incident that resulted in the death of Mary Jo Kopechne, has [SIC] made him the villain of conservatives for four decades.

Let's REWORD THAT:

Kennedy’s involvement in the 1969 Chappaquiddick incident that resulted in the death of Mary Jo Kopechne has made him the villain of conservatives for four decades.

OR, an innocent woman's death is POLITICS. Proof most newshackery undergoes VIRTUALLY NO EDITING. And these jackasses wonder why their reps are below the used car pusher's?

P. S. DEFINITION ONE OF "LEGENDARY" IN THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY:

Somebody who's been around a long time whom we like.

Posted 1:39 PM by Gene

In a gushing press release from THE BLOOMY!!!!! (misspelled word corrected) one of P. R. MIKE'S intrepid publicists boasts that "A GALLUP ORGANIZATION POLL CONDUCTED JULY 8-11 FOUND THAT 56 PERCENT OF AMERICAN ADULTS HAD SEEN OR PLANNED TO SEE THE MOVIE, EITHER IN THEATERS OR ON VIDEO"!!!!!!!!!! But even the publicist admits only "12 million" have seen it -- or more accurately, there've been 12 million TICKETS SOLD to it (knowing movie fans and Democrats there are surely LOTS of repeat customers). 56 percent of American adults comes to what, 120 million people? NOT LIKELY. But then anything's possible when you're covering an INFOMERCIAL and have nothing else to do, except misspell words.

Posted 11:08 AM by Gene

Ho-hum, THE PAPER OF RECORD isn't liberal again.

Not content for it to be fishwrapping, PINCH wants his paper to be THE SMELLIEST FISH.

Posted 10:55 AM by Gene

Fear of Fraud

Hey Krug, that's why I don't read your column.

P. S. You're not the only one.

Posted 10:35 AM by Gene

Another nation against the EEEEEEEEEVIL APARTHEID WALL takes a STAND...for GENOCIDE!

Posted 6:32 AM by Gene

News hacks are the alchemists of our time; with words and guile and shamelessness they can alakazoom nothing into something, although when you try to touch the something it vanishes into thin air, leaving the reek of high salaries and toxic gas.  We aren't day one into THE FIRST INFOMERCIAL and already the idiots can detect STRATEGY and MOVEMENT and blahblahblah, all the while nothing happening, and nothing will.  The alchemy is best done by the likes of HOWELL, who has suddenly made a career of being a cross between THE GLIBERAL and MODO, albeit slightly more pompous.  But he is far from the only one, as witness VLADY's effort to turn Legacy's latest platitudes into THE SPEECH OF THE CENTURY, albeit an expression of depthless EEEEEEEEEVIL.  We should be happy we can never read all the alchemy that comes from such de facto nonexistent events, for the result would be an incurable headache, or a mind no longer on its tether.

Posted 6:43 PM by Gene

The IDIOTS at USAOKAY! made a big mess for themselves by inviting THE YIN AND YANG OF SCREAMING PUNDITRY to write it commentaries. Apparently YIN has been disinvited for the Mike Kinsley of the right; but if YANG finds smooth sailing through THE McPAPER OF RECORD it won't be long before the wizards of Arlington will have to admit IT'S LIBERAL TOO. We'll be WATCHING.

Posted 6:27 PM by Gene

Ancient Olympics had its own scandals

Did they have sponsors and a GE Bancorp?

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

I do not know what to think of the jug-eared deserter. Perhaps the North Koreans brainwashed him, entirely plausible; then again maybe he was a ne'er-do-well who cast his lot with tyrants. Possibly too he was a flat-out doofus. I do not know, and at this stage of the game I'm not compelled to care.

Posted 5:45 PM by Gene

Why I will never succeed as a blogger: One of ANDY S.'s fans sums up in seventeen words why he supports THE DIP, so OF COURSE Andy spends 706 words saying 1. why he's not doing it and 2. why it's the honorable thing to do. (I'll presume, having not read his words, nor will I; melodrama's not my cup of tea.) In getting hits there's no substitute for verbiage, indeed for flat-out BLOVIATING, and I CANNOT VERBOSELY BLOVIATE. There are only so many seconds in the day.

P. S. In counting ANDY's words I discovered you can paste his invisible sentences into Word and IT CAN STILL COUNT THE WORDS! NEATO, BUGGY BILL! (Even better are the red and green squiggles that appear all over the pages! This is ART!)

P. P. S. I will not comment that in pasting ANDY's latest melodrama into Word only his headings and his admirer's comment are visible.

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

I'm tuning in through the OFFICIAL WEB SITE. The feed works very well except for occasional pops in the sound. As for the infomercial, it's what you'd exzzzzzzzzpect, with dorky music.

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

How newsy is this INFOMERCIAL? Congresspoop Rosa "The Ethereal Beauty" DeLauro has someone post her speech on PRNewswire -- as she's making the speech!!!!! Oiiiiii!

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

The good news is, when it comes to the Web, our politicians, as in so many endeavors, haven't a clue.

Then again, given our increasingly high-tech life, maybe it isn't such a good thing.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

Wouldn't it be simpler to hand out "I AM A MUSLIM" cards?

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

How many Web sites are offering "expanded multimedia" for an event hardly anyone's going to watch?

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

No sooner do I post something about Ken Auletta and the Sycophants than THE PAPER OF RECORD finds ANOTHER Master of the Universe (only this one's a woman, praise PINCH, so I guess we must call her a MSTER). Don't news hacks "kiss up" enough people with delusions of grandeur?

Posted 11:17 AM by Gene

We're on a ROLLLLLLLL today at AdAge.com! First a story on LOWSY MAYS's favorite patron, P&G, introducing a dog food that makes puppies smarter! Puppies? How about some of the mangy mutts in Cincinnati who finance so much doggie-doo TV? And speaking of wasting money, THREE STORIES on how the owner of Six Flags made these FANTASTIC COMMERCIALS -- but they didn't help sales because its parks are in disrepair!

And the political parties waste zillions on infomercials! Hmmm.

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

"GOOG" = $36.25 BILLION!!!!!!!!!!
 
Translation:

$500 KAZILLION!!!!!!!!!!
 
Translation in two years:

DON'T ASK.

Posted 9:25 AM by Gene

At the Baghdad Academy of Fine Arts, which Mr. Abbas attends, the school play last semester explored the HUMILIATION of the American occupation....
 
WHOOOOOOOOOOPS!  Wrong URL.  (Second time I've done that.)

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

The Filipinos face a wonderful choice: a CHICKEN!!!!! or commies.

That's almost as bad as ours.

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

I don't care what the politically correct say, 416 pounds is NOT beautiful.

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

Our first "news" of the infomercial: Mrs. Heinz tells a NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!! sympathizer to SHOVE IT.

It's gonna be a LONNNNNNNNNNG campaign.

Posted 6:25 AM by Gene

Talk about obsessive-compulsive syndrome : how can FOUR! COUNT 'EM! FOUR! political newspapers put out a combined sixteen days worth of "news" from THE DEMOCRATIC INFOMERCIAL? What will they be covering -- belly-button-lint formation?

OR:

"Sure, there's no real news at the convention,'' said John Fox Sullivan, the president and publisher of National Journal....

Yep, that's what they'll be covering.

Posted 6:19 AM by Gene

TEAR DOWN THE WALL -- SIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!
SANCTIONS AGAINST SUDAN -- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Isn't a benbot some sort of computer virus?

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

A political science professor, a "political scientist" and a PR man tell us THE INFOMERCIALS STILL MATTER.

Nuf said.

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

The price of a gallon of regular is down almost one cent in the past two weeks to $1.92 a gallon, Lundberg Survey gasoline analyst Trilby Lundberg said.

Since late May, the cost of gasoline has fallen 15 cents, Lundberg said.

There goes that strategy.

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

One of the idiot Capulets and Montagues who caused the Troubles has met his maker, and while most Christian churches do not have the equivalent of seventy-two Helen Thomases -- virgins one may hope so.

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

Another city thinks it can RENDELL its way to prosperity with high-profile richie-rich projects and lots of PR and forget the misery of ninety percent of its citizens.

Posted 2:06 PM by Gene

Today I was perusing excerpts from one of the great soundtracks of one of the truly great movie musicals ever -- Lucille Ball in Mame (pffh-hh-hh) -- when suddenly I thought of one of the great men of all time who produced it, the LEGENDARY funeral director and quasi-Mafioso Steve Ross, veritable founder and chairman of the quagmire now called Time Warner.  So I looked his name up in Google.  Of the first hundred entries only six have anything to do with him.  I then looked him up in Google Images.  Of the first hundred images only three show his face.  (Steven J. Ross [one of his aliases] in quotations didn't fare much better; I got 1,940 hits, and quite a few people share the name.)  Before Ken Auletta and the Sycophants make another hero of another Master of the Universe, we should ponder this one's fate, and how, in their eagerness to create empires surpassing those in their own minds, such Masters pulled the whole culture down with them, and left nothing but DROSS.

P. S.  I think Ross would be proud of the way Warner Music's marketed this album.  Rhino sold this as a "limited edition" release for $19.98 -- and then Warner "LICENSED" it to Collectors' Choice Music, which sells it for $12.95.  Is it any wonder people pirate CDs? 

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

The admission by THE PAPER OF RECORD's public 'editor' that his employer is LIBERAL is less earth-shattering than it would first appear.  We should remember that ombudspoops are essentially employed to deflect criticism of their rags and little else.  As I wrote over a year ago,

There's no difference between the Jack the Wizened Prune's ratings system and the powerless, self-serving ombudsmen at most newspapers; both are intended...to appease, and to create a fiction of responsible behavior, not to serve the public.

Anything ombudspoops say that might seem the slightest defensive should therefore be taken as mere spin.  The Public 'Editor' has no power at THE PAPER OF RECORD.  PINCH does, his real editors do, his reporters do.  THE PAPER OF RECORD employs hundreds of them.  The power still lies with THE INSTITUTION -- and with the HUNDREDS of OTHER INSTITUTIONS that repeat its word as GOSPEL.  Moreover one of PINCH's top factotums says THE PAPER OF RECORD isn't liberal; whether she's lying or truly believes it doesn't matter; the whole press business shares her discomforting position.  No, THE PAPER OF RECORD has changed precious none since L'Affaire Blair.  We can hardly expect much more change even if the package reads "Guaranteed Liberal or Your Money Back."

Posted 9:22 AM by Gene

What if someone wins this snoozefest in the popular vote but loses in the Electoral College?

Will George "MY BUSINESS IS MY BUSINESS" Will bloviate on "the WISDOM of the Founders"?

Posted 9:19 AM by Gene

Voters Are Very Settled, Intense and Partisan, and It's Only July

Just because you news hacks spend all your time with others screaming and cheering and stomping their feet for P. R. MIKE doesn't mean we're THAT angry.

Posted 9:16 AM by Gene

Lucas gets 'Revenge' for next 'Star Wars' film

That's the problem with Lucas Spielberg: every time It makes a film It gets REVENGE.

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

DIPPITY-DO isn't -- liberal, he's -- POSITIVE!

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

The [Australian] Foreign Minister, Alexander Downer, today blamed decisions by the Philippines and Spain to pull out of Iraq for a terrorist group's threat to hit Australia with lines of car bombs.

Or as DR. EVIL would say, any time we can make enemies we must be doing something right.