Posted 9:20 PM by Gene

Before there was American Idol, there was EUROVISION.

Posted 9:12 PM by Gene

And as the PAPER OF RE-CORD's first PUBLIC EDI-TOR rides off into the west, or wherever the sun sets, he issues a list of thirteen points he should have tackled in his short, productive stay, among them:

2. Op-Ed columnist Paul Krugman has the disturbing habit of shaping, slicing and selectively citing numbers in a fashion that pleases his acolytes but leaves him open to substantive assaults. Maureen Dowd was still writing that Alberto R. Gonzales "called the Geneva Conventions 'quaint'" nearly two months after a correction in the news pages noted that Gonzales had specifically applied the term to Geneva provisions about commissary privileges, athletic uniforms and scientific instruments. Before his retirement in January, William Safire vexed me with his chronic assertion of clear links between Al Qaeda and Saddam Hussein, based on evidence only he seemed to possess.

No one deserves the personal vituperation that regularly comes Dowd's way, and some of Krugman's enemies are every bit as ideological (and consequently unfair) as he is. But that doesn't mean that their boss, publisher Arthur O. Sulzberger Jr., shouldn't hold his columnists to higher standards.

I didn't give Krugman, Dowd or Safire the chance to respond before writing the last two paragraphs. I decided to impersonate an opinion columnist.

Goodbye, premier PUBLIC EDI-TOR, and may your successor bang his head against walls and MILLIONAIRE HACKS just as well as you.

Posted 2:49 PM by Gene

REINFORCED-CONCRETE-SKULL AWARD OF THE WEEK:

WATT VS. THE "RELIGIOUS LEFT" [Jonathan H. Adler]
James Watt takes after the "Lies of the Religious Left," Powerline reports.
Posted at 02:29 PM

WOW! THE BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM are starting to have IMPACT!!! They're REPORTING THINGS!!!!! No MATTER Mr. Watt's op-ed appears HERE -- or have we grown so knee-jerk intolerant of MMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMMMM we avoid them even when they offer views we agree with?

As for Mr. Watt, we honestly can't judge his piece. On the one hand, we've no doubt of the left's religious bigotry; on the other hand, we know he was a foot-stomping ideologue of his own considerable distinction. That he or his hed writer uses the word "lies" means the other side can shoot "lies" right back, so it's Rashomon time all over again.

Posted 2:38 PM by Gene

Possibly bad news (if Lee's Movie Info is to be believed): thus far for the weekend the B. O. is up only 8.6% from last year, perhaps less if the numbers weren't faked -- certainly it's up much less in attendance, no doubt -- and few people are going to see ANYTHING ELSE. NEWS HACKS will call this a triumph because of "What's Good for Time Warner" syndrome, but when the collapse comes next week it will be hard for even the SHOW-BIZ FLACKS to paint their typical smiley face on the situation.

Posted 12:36 PM by Gene

HMMM:

PepsiCo finally was forced to release her speech [Link added. --ED] after much hemming and hawing. In it, Nooyi is funny (if a little forced) and quite measured in her analogy. All the fingers have to work in harmony, she points out. Africa may be small from an economic standpoint but "when our little finger hurts, it affects the whole hand."

Asia, the thumb, is "strong, powerful, and ready to assert herself as a major player on the world's economic stage." Europe, the index finger, is the cradle of democracy and pointed the way for Western civilization and laws. Latin America, the ring finger, is "hot, passionate and filled with the sensuous beats of the mambo, samba, and tango." She even apologizes to Antarctica and Australia for leaving them out.

That leaves North America, or more specifically, the U.S. Sure, being dubbed the middle finger instantly evokes a certain attitude. But Nooyi almost bends over backwards in her political correctness, noting that "the middle finger anchors every function that the hand performs and is the key to all of the fingers working together efficiently and effectively." Her message: "It's not enough just to understand that the other fingers co-exist. We've got to consciously and actively ensure that every one of them stands tall together, or that they bend together when needed."

Such prose essentially borders on pablum in this country of raging opinions. Yet, because of the noise in cyberspace, Nooyi felt compelled to issue a statement saying, "I have come to realize that my words and examples about America unintentionally depicted our country negatively and hurt people." Furthermore, she claimed to appreciate the "honest comments" that had been shared with her before reiterating once again her love of America.

Better to err on the side of caution, perhaps, especially in a company that hawks soft drinks and potato chips to young people. But it's a shame that one executive's carefully worded opinion at a college speech should prompt such a backlash, then a mea culpa. In today's world of blogs and instant communications, though, even mild criticism can become fodder for a cyber-conflagration.

Meantime, BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM, back for more SCALPS.

Posted 12:33 PM by Gene

We suspect show-biz' new masterworks on Iraq will be every bit as unrealistic and politically blinkered as Gomer Pyle, USMC or M*A*S*H, but they'll be gory enough to please ad-blurb copywriters -- and ADVERTISERS.

P. S. Did anyone ever notice all those soldiers in Korea had BIG HAIR?

Posted 12:17 PM by Gene

Surprising any news hack found time over these HISTORIC RECORD-BREAKING DAYS to report on an opposition rally in Cuba, complete with a prerecorded address by the President, but who's he?

"Viva Bush" or "Long Live Bush," some delegates shouted in contrast with cries heard earlier in the meeting of "Abajo Fidel" or "Down with Fidel."

You MAD, liberals?

Posted 10:34 AM by Gene

Dean still says DeLay may deserve jail

We say DEAN may deserve the MENTAL WARD! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGHH!!!!!

Two can play THAT game, Gov. Footinmouth.

"I got in trouble because I wouldn't convict Osama bin Laden. Maybe I've learned something."

Yeah, imbecile. You learned Osama doesn't deserve conviction while SNIDELY WHIPLASH does. Where did you go to school? MOVEON Academy?

Posted 10:10 AM by Gene

Which reminds us of something Mick linked to:

Andrew can be excitable. A while back he apologized to me for some of his criticisms during the election, and more recently he has apologized to his readers for his waffling and defeatism on the war last spring. Perhaps he'll apologize for this at some point in the future. But, I confess, I find the question of what Andrew thinks less pressing than I used to.

And when does the question become less pressing for the rest of BIGBLOGGERDOM?

Posted 10:08 AM by Gene

Walter Annenberg...RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...Steve "Mafioso" Ross...Gerry "The Poet" Levin...SI...THE LORD GOD PINCH....

THAT'S QUITE A LITTLE-GUY RESUME YOU HAVE THERE, STERNO!

Who's next?

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

Years after the housing bubble begins, the WIZARD OF OZ chimes in with "signs" of "froth."

Aren't you happy He runs the economy?

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

An early precursor of the SUPERMANNING OF AMERICA was the modern bar mitzvah, which is our nation in a nutshell: a humble, pious ceremony turned into a politically correct display of vulgar showmanship and conspicuous consumption. When pondering such idiocies we must wonder if there's no turning back, if there's a civilization for us to defend against rogue states and terrorists. If we can't turn back, what is our future?

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

It's illegal -- but still, I smile:

The dark side of the DVD counterfeiting industry felt the force of the NYPD yesterday when cops seized 1,000 pirated copies of "Star Wars: Episode III" - just 36 hours after its debut.

LUKE SPIELBERG IS NOT INVINCIBLE!

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

System Changes Hog Waste Into Clean Water

You mean there's HOPE for the news biz?

Posted 8:15 AM by Gene

MORE SADDAM PHOTOS PRINTED!!
REVEALING SHOTS SPARK INTERNATIONAL OUTCRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whiny Crybaby Richard said L'AFFAIRE DE TOILETTE was not evidence of anti-war bias. Well heds like this are evidence of something. NEWS HACKS may defend themselves by saying they're showing up our bad side so we can improve our good side, blahblahblah, but all we ever see from the HACKS is our bad side; indeed the only time they smile is when they puff their OWN BIZ, as with BOX-OFFICE "RECORDS." Shut up HACKS, we know you can't stand OUR GUTS, even as you work mightily with accountants to evade OUR TAXES.

P. S. That INTERNATIONAL OUTCRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is to USAOKAY!!!!! what scandal is to the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER -- it will be gone the next day.

Posted 5:51 PM by Gene

BOX SCORE: Indra 17 (subtracting some cheating by the BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM), Linda 11.

These will vanish by Monday, Professor, and then you and your cohorts will have other "SCANDALS" to PUFF.

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

I'm waiting for the con-SER-va-tives to do for the BUGMEISTER what they've done for the Waltons. Just because they're oily Europeans and shafted our airplane-building biz with their subsidies doesn't make HIS MONOPOLY ANY BETTER.

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

And how do we know Ken Felatta stinks? Ken Felatta II calls him GREAT!

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

OR:

Shares of News Corp. (NWS.A: news, chart, profile) (NWS: news, chart, profile) traded down 13 cents to $15.87 on Friday afternoon.

FURTHER OR:

[RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! factotum Bruce] Snyder could not give a firm screen count but said it could be significantly higher because of interlocking, the practice of taking one print and showing it on multiple screens within a theater. The lack of any other film playing midnight shows on Thursday essentially made nearly every auditorium in the multiplex available, and exhibitors added screens as demand warranted.

TRANSLATION: NOTHING ELSE PLAYED AT THE MOVIES! This bodes well for everyone who isn't LUKE SPIELBERG.

Several other notes: No. 1: RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gets only a $50 MILLION DISTRIBUTION FEE (talk about DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH). No. 2: It's playing at 9,000 screens of ill-repute. Who wants to bet on a BIG FIVE-O? No. 3: NEWS HACKS SPECIALIZE IN INNUMERACY.

WILL SOMEBODY SEAL PAUL DRECK'S MOUTH WITH SUPERGLUE?????

Posted 4:55 PM by Gene

Time Warner Questioned Over Stock Price

And "angry questions" will happen when a stock was once "worth" $90 a share, and hasn't budged beyond $20 for years, and likely never will again -- unless it reverse-splits.

Don't these people realize the TWXSTERS aren't in a growth business -- unless you count faking circulation numbers, lying about the box office and raising cable rates by double-digits?

Posted 4:50 PM by Gene

Analysts: Industry Has Too Many Carriers

The airline industry, that is. We should pause upon reading that. Consider the railroad industry: it once had dozens of competing lines (that were equally bankrupt) and a fine record for first-class passenger service. Today there are four national railroads and the joke called Amtrak. Consider the idea of a national airline. It is beyond consideration.

Posted 1:46 PM by Gene

PFFH-HH-HH!!!!!:

Lawyers for Saddam Hussein tell The Times [a RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! rag] that they have started legal action against The Sun [another RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! rag] and US military over jail pictures of former dictator

HARDY-HAR-HAR!!!!!

Posted 1:03 PM by Gene

I shall have to invent a new term: POWERLINING -- an out-of-proportion tantrum over somebody saying something stupid.

Sen. DENNIS DAY got himself POWERLINED.

Posted 8:55 AM by Gene

There's one reason Maytag's going for a fire-sale price: Hoover. A company with a rep for quality bought the GM of vacuum cleaners, then the unit staged a disastrous sweepstakes in England from which it never recovered. Plus how many people really want to buy another white box that makes noise? One hopes the company won't go the way of Studebaker or AMC, but there do seem similarities.

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

Meantime the head of the Newspaper Guild said something stupid, and that's gotten only EIGHT Google News links, so maybe saying something stupid isn't what it used to be.

And please don't give me that blatherskite about the blogosphere; most often it isn't news THERE either.

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

G.M.'s Brands to Cut Back on Variety

A better hed: G. M.'s Brands to Cut Back on Monotony.

Only we know THAT'S wrong.

Posted 8:22 AM by Gene

Deal would allow vote on 5 Bush judicial picks

And already the con-SER-va-tives are complaining.

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

One other reason I'm not singing and laughing today: that jackass "Little-Guy" Hugh took up the mighty MILLENNIAL CAUSE, and I was thinking of sending him and his damfool compatriots a congratulatory e-mail, but the only people who'll see it are clerks, and I probably would hear zero in return, but I might send them my heartfelt thanks anyway, just to delude myself I'm doing something.

FOURTEEN LINKS ON GOOGLE NEWS, meaning maybe we're not THAT powerful.

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

PEPSICO KILLS PEPSI EDGE

I link to this only because I can see those partisan frauds the BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM taking credit for it. That's another failure of blogging: everyone has to take CREDIT, and often there's nothing to take credit FOR.

Posted 8:07 AM by Gene

Last night while urging a DVD burner into my money hog (I don't know why I bought it) I came across part of an old Glenn Miller CD box set that was lying around, and I thought, this was recorded with the most primitive technology -- a stylus on an acetate disc or wax cake on a pulley-driven lathe, and decades from now people will listen. Today I commit more of my hundreds of thousands of useless words to this useless blog, knowing no one reads them now, forget about even two weeks hence; and I'm mad because I can't get a word through the ether in edgewise, and so many rascals like the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS seem to do it with ease, and add further nothing to the great unprecedented abundance of nothing that is our age, an age that equates popularity with immortality and attitude with excellence. And we don't have the advantage of musical talent, or a stylus on an acetate disc; we're just automatons with nothing better to offer than unfunny witticisms or truthless aphorisms, saying things that don't become any wiser on their millionth iteration, typing out zillions of zeroes and ones that will be upgraded or obsoleted into oblivion. I am truly tired of blogging.

Posted 12:31 PM by Gene

TRUTH OF THE DAY:

The judge in Michael Jackson's child molestation trial ruled Thursday against allowing CNN host Larry King to testify for the defense, saying the testimony would be irrelevant.

You said it, judge.

Posted 9:01 AM by Gene

BUGMEISTER BILL EMCEES A SECRET SUMMIT!

And knowing the bobbleheaded CEOs attending when Bill asks them to PAY, they meekly say, HOW HIGH?

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

Whoopee! WallStreetJournals.com has appointed an "editor" to supervise its meager giveaways!

Why did you buy MARKETWATCH?

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

And speaking of PC, how are the BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM DOING? A Google News search indicates the GREAT PEPSICO BLASPHEMY has received all of EIGHT STORIES -- one from the New York Sun (pffh-hh-hh) and five from GUESS WHO.

Heck, even your fellow SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS seem not to care. HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE IGNORED?

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

The fight to subjugate our brains continues: in a new version of QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!! some European ninnies insist DID SO DESECRATE THE KORAN! Now everyone can get on a high PC horse and debate how much desecration of a Koran can fit on the head of a pin. WHY SHOULD WE FOLLOW THE NEWS?

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

What do CLOWNS like these two high-mucky-muck media-waster -- BUYERS have in common? These last several days they've been gushing, "Geez! We spend lots of money on the networks so they can spend lots of money on us so we can spend lots more money on the networks! Ya gotta love these guys!"

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

I wish I knew what G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE has against me. I know what I have against G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE: its blogging slowness and its greed. On top of that the KADIDDLEHOPPERS of MOUNTAIN VIEW list me on their search engine with great difficulty, and they've decided not even to make me available on "Next Blog" these last three days, except once. What is the purpose of blogging without an audience?

Posted 6:55 AM by Gene

Why does a man with a name like Don Ienner, who works for the RECORDED-MUSIC MAFIA, sound like a RIPE candidate for JAIL?

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

Cle-VER:

Report blasts Bolton Says he wanted Tenet to punish analyst.

Cle-VER, SOBs! That freestanding use of the word "report" makes it seem -- impartial. But you don't say WHOSE report! You have to click on the link to find it was an IMPARTIAL FORCE OF DEMOCRATS. But see, this has NOTHING to do with why your circ is down, or why people can't stand your GUTS.

BIAS? WHAT BIAS?

By the way -- HOW'S YOUR @#$%&* PROMO DOING? What news hacks don't SPIN, they SELL.

Posted 6:21 AM by Gene

NBA, Players Reach Impasse

Goody!

Prima donnas -- STRIKE!

Posted 6:33 PM by Gene

BOOM boom BOOM boom:

Cybergossip Matt Drudge, whose drudgereport.com is perhaps the biggest single driver of Internet traffic to news sites, has dropped Post columnists Keith Kelly, Steve Dunleavy, Diane Dimond and Andrea Peyser because they're inaccessible to readers without special passwords. "My first concern," Drudge told me yesterday, "is that readers have direct access to information."

WALTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN WILL YOU DROP YOUR SPYWARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

"...the biggest single driver of Internet traffic to news sites...." We've seen that line before. Does someone have a DIRECT LINK to WALTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!? Or just a SHORTCUT on the KEYBOARD?

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

"Testicular virility."

I guess that beats low public-opinion polls.

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

Frank Gorshin dies, and we all grow a little older.

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

Now I can see why Morgan Stanley wants to pull its ads at a moment's notice:

Morgan Stanley ordered to pay Perelman $850 million

Posted 1:25 PM by Gene

IRONY: Even as a magazine writer says MORE SHOW-BIZ IS GOOD FOR KIDS, another comes out and says media overuse can stunt your maturity.

I'd say the evidence favors him. Look at the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIABLOGGERS.

Posted 1:09 PM by Gene

THE PAPER OF RE-CORD is willing to share its spoils with "BLOGS" -- meaning the SUPES, which officially means THEY'RE BIGMEDIA TOO.

This presages a problem -- does the PAPER share with just left-wing blogs? Does it try to kiss up to the right with their token conservatives? PINCH has gotten Himself in a mighty kettle of newsprint.

Posted 1:02 PM by Gene

Having just bought some software from an eBay merchant I am nonetheless seized with an ardent desire when I get home to throw my computer out the window. Are the PC and its bride the Web good for anything but conspicuous consumption and the willies? And the PC is a machine that assures you'll spend on its welfare, and the welfare of its friends. I'd guess I'll spend $400 counting the software to upgrade my Dell, and even then I expect to buy a new computer when Bill's latest experiment in bug-breeding, aka Longhorn, emerges from its cocoon. Then there are the CDs, the books, the DVDs, the clothes, the countless things you can buy online. Those who say computing isn't an addiction have never done it.

Posted 11:56 AM by Gene

Another thing BRIAN ROBBERBARON can JABBER about when he boasts of FREEDOM OF CHOICE:

Cable and satellite TV score lowest in customer satisfaction index

Posted 11:53 AM by Gene

Another thing about the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS: they've become to our time the perfect analog to hacks in sensationalizing the trivial. Remember when the clinically inept Gerald "Pardon" Ford let slip that Poland was a free country? The HACKS played that up for months and bequeathed us Jimmah. SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS forever do the same thing, and while the stakes may be smaller the ACID INDIGESTION AND HEARTBURN ARE JUST AS BAD.

Posted 11:41 AM by Gene

On days like these I wonder why I go on blogging. DEMAGOGUES like the MILLENNIUM boys RAGE at the ANTI-AMERICANISM OF PEPSICO!!!!!!!!!! while running an AD THAT INFRINGES ON THE COMPANY'S TRADEMARKS, and GET MEGAZILLIONS OF HITS -- and I couldn't get a DAMNED HIT if the LORD GOD PUT THE WORDS IN MY FINGERS. Being known is solely a matter of LUCK and SELF-PROMOTION. I don't want to write a blog solely for the purpose of having to SELL MYSELF to GET HITS. And to those who are always belching this DEMOCRACY THING: the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS are almost to a MAN afflicted with HUBRIS, a hubris that, though small in scale next to BIGMEDIA, could be GIGANTIC to IMPATIENT SURFERS IN THEIR AUDIENCE. Just remember, SUPES -- GOD MADE YOU HUMAN TOO.

Posted 11:27 AM by Gene

Another EXASPERATING TIFF: the BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM learned that the president of PepsiCo ("Driving them up the wall/ Iron Woman rules them all") said a BAD THING ABOUT AMERICA, but no one can be sure and the idiots in Purchase won't release her remarks, thus allowing the GREATEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD to POP-UP ON AND ON AND ON. We will be charitable and assume this leader among the AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS did not realize her symbolism; but that is extremely doutful with the poesy written in her honor. I wonder if SHE had anything to do with sponsoring HEZBOLLAH TV? THAT'S the question to ask.

P. S. HEY PREENING TABLEPOUNDERS! EXPLAIN THIS BLOGAD ON YOUR SITE:

Posted 11:08 AM by Gene

Hey STERNO! Remember when YOUR GOD! took credit for creating SIXTY MINUTES THE SECOND? The show that regaled America with stories of MEMOS?

Guess what VIACON NETWORK JUST CANCELED!

Posted 10:24 AM by Gene

Report: Air Force seeks Bush nod for space weapons

Okay buddies, when do you start with your STAR WARS routine again?

Amazing what those words mean to news hacks: THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN HUMAN HISTORY -- and DEPTHLESS EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVILLLLLLLLLL.

Posted 10:19 AM by Gene

FBI: Grenade at Bush Rally Was Live

Yep, I think some people don't like us.

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

Hmmm, what terrible things can I think about America? Hmmm....

I'll make a MOVIE about them!

P. S. The putative humorist GARRISON is co-starring, so they'll have PLENTY of time to think.

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

The AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS revises its CODE of "ETHICS":

In the latest sign of advertisers’ heightened sensitivity to editorial coverage, embattled financial giant Morgan Stanley informed key publications of new guidelines that require its ads to be pulled with negative stories about it are published.

So now there are three times advertisers will pull ads: when the subject's not PC, after an airplane crash, or when SOMEONE TELLS THE TRUTH.

Posted 6:50 AM by Gene

How long has "Christian" stood for a fifth-rate knock-off of the third-rate secular, an imitation of a self-parody a truly Godly person would have no business doing? Thus we have "Christian" music (think Jesus metal) and "Christian" novels (think Jesus Grisham). Now it's "Christian" video games. Why isn't it possible to preach God's word without the world's discordant bells and shrill whistles?

Posted 6:48 AM by Gene

Today's going to be ANOTHER bad day for WHINY CRYBABY COHEN!

Why is every time someone gets EXECUTED a bad day for HYPERLIBERALS?

Posted 6:40 AM by Gene

EHDYUKAYTORS put their foot down on Iraq.

Hey EHDs, why don't you learn how to TEACH first -- THEN lobby?

Posted 6:22 AM by Gene

How news hacks can paint anything:

Villaraigosa wins in L.A. Monumental mayor victory for Latinos.

TRANSLATION: He's our kind of mayor and we'll have him under OUR thumb. I know nothing of the man but suspect he's SUPER-liberal (the screwy Angelinos wouldn't choose otherwise), still heds like these leave no doubt who really runs the world.

Posted 6:21 AM by Gene

WHERE ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE YOU, G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER "NEXT BLOG"?????

Posted 6:38 PM by Gene

John Podhoretz blasts YOU-KNOW-WHAT in The Weekly Standard, and well-taken though it may be we somehow can't forget he's using ITS DISTRIBUTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s largesse to do it.

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

WOW, THAT WAS FAST: Team America: World Police is out on DVD.

Slow as usual.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

TOOL:

Newsweek at first apologized for its story and then retracted it under heavy pressure from the administration.

In other words, the story was valid. Hey TERRY! Why don't YOU go looking in toilets?

Posted 4:57 PM by Gene

More good news for STERNO, and the guy who wrote that book saying why our kids need MORE show-biz -- and maybe THE GLIBERAL, as he and his fellow PAPER OF RE-CORDITES prepare to wall themselves off:

One out of every 110 preschoolers is expelled annually from New York classrooms - a rate nearly 18 times higher than the number of older kids booted in grades kindergarten through 12, a study released today found.

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

In my ears, "insurgent" is a bit like "rebel" or even "revolutionary." There's nothing axiomatically pejorative about it, and some passages of history have made it a term of honor. At a minimum, though, it must mean "rising up." These fascists and hirelings are not rising up, they are stamping back down. It's time for respectable outlets to drop the word, to call things by their right names (Baathist or Bin Ladenist or jihadist would all do in this case), and to stop inventing mysteries where none exist.

This -- in ST. WARREN'S REALM? Someone must be EXCOMMUNICATED for it.

Posted 4:52 PM by Gene

If Al Jazeera published the most inflammatory story it could find -- or make up -- about the pope or the Virgin Mary, would we blame the satellite station if Rome rioted, or the Romans?

Yes, because it's THE OSAMA CHANNEL. And yes too because it's BLUNDER rag.

Posted 1:14 PM by Gene

When the WALL STREET JOURNALS CONSERVATIVE EDITION says NEWS HACKS should show the MILITARY MORE RESPECT, we can GUESS what the WALL STREET JOURNALS LIBERAL EDITION is UP TO.

Posted 8:26 AM by Gene

I know someone with very itchy typing fingers today: THE BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM! If THE PAPER OF RE-CORD can charge for its gas, why not us? And WE BROUGHT DOWN DAN RATHER! Plus WE CAN CONTINUE TO RUN POP-UPS!!!!!

We're all for it guys -- if it'll get YOU our of our hair TOO.

How's the anti-IE and Firefox crusade going, guys? WALTER "SPYWARE" WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!! lending you his valuable venali -- EXPERTISE?

Posted 8:14 AM by Gene

Today another young stupid boarded the train to listen to his [C]RAP through his earphones and loud enough to annoy me, and I thought, in most schools the kids are probably totally plugged in during classes, [C]RAP on their stereos, [C]RAP on their cell phones, constantly dialing and redialing one another, playing video games, and the teachers and principals don't care because if they did NEWS HACKS might write a J'ACCUSE. This is societally (and BIGMEDIA BIZ) sanctioned WASTING AWAY OF MINDS.

And then I thought to myself, why couldn't some good teacher -- they must exist, don't they? -- maybe hand out some homemade CDs with a few Satchmo tunes? Surely the kids wouldn't like them (somebody like Lady Day would be IMPOSSIBLE), but then maybe one or two would, and maybe one or two more who don't might see that spark strike later in life, much as opera recordings struck a spark with Satch. (I could abide by such piracy because most of Louis is public-domain now.) Have the GREEDMEISTERS in the MUSICAL ORGANIZED-CRIME TRADE ever thought of cut-rate licenses for educational burning? Or is music education yet another cause for unmusical lip service?

Posted 6:38 AM by Gene

The former sex symbol and DEEP political thinker Warren Beatty is suing to make another Dick Tracy movie.

What? Of his retirement?

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

BUT....

What IS with this mass-murderer? How did he get to be a cause celebre among LIBERALS?

ST. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! REVENUE STREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM!!!!!

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

Why I hardly bother with op-ed columnists anymore:

Centrist Courage on Abortion

TRANSLATION: Another liberal for abortion, only he's a "Catholic" (or rather, a Unitarian with rosary beads), and he dispenses sugar-flavored castor-oil.

ST. WARREN! Why don't YOU create a revenue stream?

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

The Saturday Evening Post, Life -- the former once among the most distinguished of magazines, the latter perhaps the most exciting. Today they're a quack-nostrum catalog and a sputtering newspaper insert, wan descendants of their glories. We wonder how much today's newsrags will be missed. The TWXSTERS' version, lest we forget, acquired the carcass of something called The Literary Digest, a successful newsrag that went out of business after conducting a notorious self-selected (!) telephone poll predicting Alf Landon would be voted president. With their mix of bland service features, show-biz puffery and active political disinformation the newsrags occupy a decreasing niche of our attention, and while fifty years ago the world would have been unimaginable without them, outside doctors' offices and classrooms the world is increasingly imaginable without them.

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

Approximately every six months a big media Web site plays tricks with its contents to try to make people pay for what they'd otherwise get for free. The Times of London tried it; it failed. The LALATimes tried with its arts coverage; it failed. Now THE PAPER OF RE-CORD will charge for its windbags. This has a chance of working because it's a bad idea surrounded by a (possibly) good thing -- total access to the PAPER's archive for an annual fee. But PINCH had better beware; not only will it cut hits in the short run, it may reduce its righteous headbangers to oblivion. Everyone had the fool Robert "Beat Me" Fisk on his lips until the Independent charged for his disservices. Who hears of him now? Not that the PAPER's assorted FOOLS don't deserve oblivion, to be sure; they're so predictable I will not miss them. Indeed with the superabundance of opinion and the increasing ossification of the PAPER's talking airheads one wonders if PINCH isn't shooting Himself in the foot, even if He is pro-gun-control.

And even in the long run this may not work when if finally becomes technologically feasible for all newspapers to open their archives for free. Not long ago e-mail accounts were 3MB. Now they're 1GB. The same economies of scale will make charging for archives increasingly untenable.

BYE GLIBERAL! It was nice knowing your STROKES.

Posted 4:48 PM by Gene

The time has come for NEWS HACKS to organize a quadrennial political convention that would state boldly and honestly their prejudices and bigotries. This would not seem necessary given their uncanny ability to weasel their way into everything with their weasel words; but if we're going to have bias let's have it forthrightly. Let the hacks assemble in raucous brotherhood -- PERSONHOOD -- and state flat out their buncombe on everything. Yes, and let them draft a PLATFORM! We'd finally have something tanglible to measure their moral evasions and shifty words by.

And who better to lead such a convention than GOD? Yes, He is a jackass and a windbag to the nth degree, but whenever He speaks His bigotries He is honest as the Klansman burning his cross or the Nazi saluting a swastika; in the realest sense He's the biz' spokesman, with His fiery inability to see beyond His glasses, and His vigorous pursuit of the half-truth to justify His ends. No, GOD should speak for the industry, and what better soapbox could He have than a gathering of COMMITTED JERNALISTS?

Posted 1:45 PM by Gene

Kuwait passes law for women's right to vote

We'll believe it when we see it in the rest of the Arab world.

Posted 1:04 PM by Gene

Why should a news hack earn more than a hundred grand a year? I could understand rewarding someone for great writing, or a history of solid scoops. Where are they? There is no pauper in the TOILET BOWL CAPER. Mr. Mark surely earns half-a-million a year. For what? For constantly knocking America and running show-biz press releases? Why should a news hack earn more than a hundred grand a year?

Posted 11:32 AM by Gene

One reason movie-ad-blurb copywriters are toadies:



With any luck, papers will see fewer movie ads -- and with any luck, we'll see fewer RAVES.

Posted 11:26 AM by Gene

JOKE OF THE WEEK:

Al-Jazeera Reporter Denies al-Qaida Ties

Posted 10:44 AM by Gene

Meantime in Uzbekistan the death toll reaches 800, and no one cares because MARK WHITAKER didn't start it.

Posted 10:40 AM by Gene

I know the BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM are pounding the table about the VIOLENCE -- it's certainly to their advantage -- but I suspect long term we should worry more about Afghanistan becoming a "narco-state."

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

"THE MORE COMPELLING OUR JOURNALISM, THE ANGRIER BECAME THE RADICAL RIGHT OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY!!! THAT'S BECAUSE THE ONE THING THEY LOATH [SIC] MORE THAN LIBERALS IS THE TRUTH!!!!! AND THE QUICKEST WAY TO BE DAMNED BY THEM AS LIBERAL IS TO TELL THE TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!"

Which, in ROMY, appears above:

> Author Klavan wants to see more conservatives in newsrooms (LAT)

Posted 9:43 AM by Gene

I must confess my true reaction to L'AFFAIRE DE TOILETTE is one of weariest resignation. Each new abdication of responsibility is merely the same as the last; irresponsibility, we soon figure, is a cost of doing business these buffoons are willing to pay. Otherwise nothing changes, and our media masters remain ever firmly in control. The situation is less a democracy's than a dictatorship's, where a hopeless mass sees no means of sundering the shackles, and sighs plaintively for the white knight who never appears. Nor will it hurt BLUNDER's circulation, for most of its subscribers do not read it. (I feel sorry for the subscription clerks who must already be near a nervous breakdown; they must take responsibility for others. That's why, through it all, Mr. Mark smiles.)

Posted 8:05 AM by Gene

Billy Graham is now a hero of news hacks -- because he wants to be inclusive.

Rather like the way he was inclusive of Nixon and Brezhnev, n'est'ce pas?

Posted 8:02 AM by Gene

FINALLY, a conservative GETS IT RIGHT:

[W]ord is that the future of the very conservatism that has always prized such virtues lies in the hands of "South Park Conservatives," after the book by the same name by Brian C. Anderson. Very basically, the theory posits that the rank vulgarity institutionalized by the cartoon "South Park," which degrades and desacralizes absolutely everything, will inspire young conservatives to smash the stultifying tyranny of political correctness. If you're picking sides, P.C. vs. South Park offers about as much choice as the Iran-Iraq War -- which, remember, after eight years of carnage, left both sides still afloat.

Such stalemate on the cultural high seas is probably where we are, and certainly where we're heading. But I wonder who will give a cheer when we sink?

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

• Female driver angry at missing Indy 500 pole

SUE!

(is not her name.)

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

In the meantime I'm glad AMERICA'S TRUTH TELLERS are able to tell me THIS:

Cadaver work is going virtual

Posted 6:39 AM by Gene

It's a shame someone with money can't plaster an image on billboards all over America: a picture of BLUNDER RAG submerged in a toilet bowl.

Posted 8:47 PM by Gene

If you think the politics of the New York Times are lousy, you should check out the movie criticism.

We know, John -- WE KNOW.

Posted 8:27 PM by Gene

Ho-hum, another SURVEY says NEWS HACKS are EFFETE OVERPAID SNOBS who can DELUDE THEMSELVES ABOUT ANYTHING: 68 percent surveyed voted for Kerry -- and 53 percent called themselves MODERATE.

NOW ON TO AFGHANISTAN!!!!!

Posted 8:21 PM by Gene

And as Technorati celebrates MORE THAN TEN MILLION BLOGGERS, can even STERNO answer what the hell they're all BLOGGING ABOUT?

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

OH oh, word of Mr. Mark's tall tale just made PAPEROFRE-CORD.COM!

Okay ROMY -- BURY IT!

P. S. I slightly reworded my earlier post about this story so as not to make Mr. Mark seem THAT cold-hearted. But I did post the original at around 8 a.m. -- nearly EIGHT HOURS before THE PROFESSOR.

Posted 2:52 PM by Gene

The SUPERMANNING OF AMERICA continues apace with the COMMENCEMENT ADDRESS, where BIG SHOTS make BIG MONEY IMPRESSING PEOPLE saying NOTHING.

I congratulate Rice University for not hiring a guest star. But for as long as HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN stands for indentured athuhletes, edifice complexes and PC, it will pay for momentary snob appeal.

Posted 2:23 PM by Gene

The good thing about popcorn-restaurant malls is that they've taken bad movies (that's all they are anymore) out of the cities. Here in Philthydelphia as I've mentioned before, we do not have a single first-run movie house downtown -- and I don't regret it, except that it conjures visions of the pleasure palaces of long ago, and then, and only then, does it make me sad.

Hey Twiddy, Dennis McAlpine isn't a "theater analyst," he's a Wall Street show-biz QUOTE MACHINE. (Indeed this would qualify for a NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD except it isn't ALL positive.)

Posted 2:03 PM by Gene

Down weekend number TWELVE; but never fear -- THE SAINT OF AUDIOANIMATRONICS COMES TO THE RESCUE!!!!!

Or will He?

Posted 1:40 PM by Gene

When foregound MUZAK programmers want to rub your nerves raw they go the last mile. It isn't enough to play "Blue Bayou" a million times, or Billy Joel and Elton John until to you want to wish death to every DJ and program director of every ADULT CONTEMPTO (sic) station that is; they must search out annoying cover tunes. Just now in my corner neighborhood highway robber some computer in the distance played a COVER VERSION of "Fly Like an Eagle," that Steve Miller bore that suggests not so much flying as an Air Force jingle, only the "singer" had to add TEN MINUTES OF CATERWAULING suggestive not so much of melody as of a root canal or torture during the Crusades. This was the criminal work of something called SEVL (pardon, SEAL; it's the cute MCA and old NASA upside-down V), and it appeared in Space Jam, starring MJ and Bugs Bunny, which seems to have foisted more unlistenable tunes than any other cross-promotion (I BELIEVE I CAN FLYYYYYYYYY-YYYYYYYYY-YYYYYYYYY-YYYYYYYYY-YYYYYYYYY-YYYYYYYYY, etc.) Somewhere in Fort Mill, or the office parks of North Jersey, somebody is smirking.

Posted 12:21 PM by Gene

Gen. McClellan emerges from his well-deserved retirement to pound his feet and demand we keep all these unneeded bases!

And as to the future possible Ambassador to the LEAGUE OF NATIONS:

"Personally, I don't like bullies."

Personally we don't like presidential candidates who couldn't make up their minds whether we should have gone to Iraq.

Shut up Gen. You had your chance.

Posted 9:05 AM by Gene

It is a measure of how seriously news hacks take themselves that when they're not starting riots overseas with false stories they whine that the loss of an overpaid comedian is the end of civilization.

Here's another bunch of morons that never had to grow up.

Posted 8:55 AM by Gene

I'm glad we members of The Corner have found time to make fun of James Wolcott's appearance, but eventually, even kids grow up.

Oh, I forgot. BLOGGERS never do.

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

Moments after state Attorney General Thomas F. Reilly urged his fellow Democrats to broaden their appeal beyond their liberal base, delegates to Massachusetts Democratic Party yesterday voted overwhelmingly to endorse gay marriage in their platform.

Don't you LUUUUUUUUUUUUUVE donkeys?

(I'm surprised PINCH hasn't fired someone for THAT lede.)

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

'Martyrs' In Iraq Mostly Saudis

So much for the notion they've stopped smiling about 9/11.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!!!

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

In this LUCAS SPIELBERG world my first thought on seeing a story like this isn't, as it's SUPPOSED to be, "Aw, how sweet! Gumby's making a comeback! What a cute character!" No, my first thought is, "HAND OVER THE MONEY."

Posted 8:11 AM by Gene

A teenage crime wave is causing a spike in arrest figures - among New York's schoolgirls.

Even as the NYPD continues to slash crime across the city, troubling police statistics show girls between 7 and 15 years of age are bucking the trend.

Experts say these bad girls are getting mixed up in fights, street crime and gangs.

NYPD figures show 1,902 girls were arrested last year, 252 more than in 2002.

ELLEN GOODWOMYN...never mind.

Posted 8:05 AM by Gene

On the other hand Mr. Mark can't be TOO happy -- he started those deadly RIOTS in AFGHANISTAN with a FALSE STORY! Hmmmmm, even better than the HITLER DIARIES, or having JOE "THE MORAL FICTIONIST" KLEIN on your staff! Okay Mr. Mark, let's do all we can to COVER UP!

As apparently we have: Norman Thomas's grandson allegedly wrote this, but given its confusing responsibility-avoiding language I'd say every lawyer in ST. WARREN'S HEAVEN had his prayers all over it.

Posted 7:56 AM by Gene

What the hell is going on with MR. MARK? You'd think by now he'd have put SOMETHING on the cover to get the faithful excited. GEORGE WASHINGTON? Must've discovered he was LIBERAL. (Oh, it's DAVID McCULLOUGH. That means we have a BOOK to SELL, so that's not TOO bad.) Mr. MARK must still be sore because he lost the battle for LUCAS SPIELBERG Part VI to the EEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL forces on Columbus Circle. Don't worry, MR. MARK -- there are plenty more masterpieces ahead; we've bet you've signed a contr -- you'll do a cover story on that other LUCAS SPIELBERG later on. Which reminds us of the legend about George and the cherry tree. I can see you, Mr. Mark: "I cannot tell the truth. DICK PARSONS did it."