Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Posted
9:14 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:35 PM
by Gene
"Center City is the job engine; it's also the tax engine, and we've got to fight to keep it in good shape." [Emphasis added] TRANSLATION: The rest of the city doesn't exist. How can it when RENDELLISM's chief function is to bring in TOURISTS who'll make all those jobs for waiters and janitors and bellhops who'll power the 21ST-CENTURY ECONOMY? How many tourists you gonna get in West Philly? Hey EDDIE! Think we're game for the GAMES? Maybe we can build a new stadium around TEMPLE! They can use it to win the NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!
Posted
11:44 AM
by Gene
I thought we solved that problem! PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!
Posted
9:43 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:36 AM
by Gene
Friday, February 19, 2010
Posted
5:16 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:06 AM
by Gene
If Russ Feingold were a Republican he would not have said that. Why must so many beliefs stop at the party line?
Posted
9:22 AM
by Gene
The longer the better!
Posted
8:50 AM
by Gene
JUT-JAW will help. Last month, NBC Entertainment Chairman Jeff Gaspin told EW that the network will promote Leno’s return “with some humor and a wink, not a sledgehammer. We will certainly be more subtle.” Since when is a sledgehammer subtle? (Via -- oh well -- VULTURE) Thursday, February 18, 2010
Posted
8:49 PM
by Gene
"If he does announce that he is coming back and when, that will be a big positive for the PGA Tour, sponsors and the other players on the Tour, because he personally adds a significant amount of visibility," Marc Ganis, president of Chicago sports consulting firm Sportscorp Ltd said. "With success and with time, people start to forget a lot of things," said Matt Delzell, group account manager with brand consulting firm Davie Brown. "He's still the single most valuable thing to the PGA Tour this side of Augusta, and that won't change," Boland said. "In fact, it will probably be heightened because the curiosity factor is so great." "The PGA Tour demonstrably needs Tiger Woods back," said Rick Horrow, a sports lecturer at the Harvard Law School. "If Tiger wins, and wins consistently, he may in fact broaden interest in the PGA and open up new, nontraditional sponsors for the game of golf," said David Carter, executive director with the USC Sports Business Institute. 1. EVERYONE WANTS TO BE THAT BLITHERING IDIOT PERFESSER THOMPSON! 2. News isn't reporting, it's sound-bite editing.
Posted
7:43 PM
by Gene
How can he pull the fake customer-service "I'm-sorry"?
Posted
2:51 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:33 PM
by Gene
P. S. at 3:40 p. m. And here in a nutshell is why I do not trust knee-jerk locksteps: This pundit's first instinct was to engage in defense; rather than say, "This was an awful crime", he said "Geez -- we'll get blamed for it! Better point to the kooks on the other side." This is what liberals did after the Ft. Hood holy roller. Too many people have computers in their brains that emit the verbal equivalent of the Blue Screen of Death. Can we get replacements?
Posted
11:33 AM
by Gene
1. I'm not uninitiated, and the answer is, it's animation. 2. Aren't they already? (Via the usual AHTSJournal)
Posted
10:24 AM
by Gene
![]() ...followed seconds later by: ![]() Hey Bono! You playing with the computers again?
Posted
9:14 AM
by Gene
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Posted
6:52 PM
by Gene
![]() My downloading mania led me to YouTube of all places to capture the marvelous 1961 theme song of To Tell the Truth (not stereo, very unfortunately). A man with the peculiar name of Robert Cobert (how do you pronounce it?) wrote it, and though he's better known for the daytime gothic soap opera Dark Shadows and some miniseries to me he will always live through his themes for Password, and this one, yes, very much of a kind with the stock music of its day*, but also a kind of instrumental version of that masterpiece "The Trolley Song", itself a reason to live. Just to hear it would have overpowered the bottles of Geritol hawked on the show. Only now do we know just how good some TV themes were. "To Tell the Truth" was buried with low-fi speakers and audience applause and Johnny Olson's yammering and promos, and it never played beyond halfway through the song. Partly for that we thought of Carl Stalling and Vic Mizzy and Alexander Courage as hacks, and dismissed them as no better than the hack work they accompanied -- no doubt the composers dismissed themselves too. Of course it's hard to look at that picture of the original Superman and Tom Poston and Mrs. Hart and Orson Bean, Peggy Cass unaccountably missing (and all dead save for Bean, now in his eighties and forever known as a sex quack), and not feel the pang of remorse for the past, which steeps those old themes even more savorly. And those who overpraise our current musical genius should know that it may not have the minimal excellence to save it from the future. *If you want to hear stock music listen to the original theme from 1956. And a lot of that music didn't deserve the ignominy of television either -- and a lot of it wasn't stock music.
Posted
3:42 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:00 PM
by Gene
SAME DIFFERENCE.
Posted
11:54 AM
by Gene
Especially when you have to DUMB YOURSELF DOWN for it!
Posted
11:21 AM
by Gene
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Posted
10:22 PM
by Gene
Vancouver hoping for bums on seats They have them -- and their names include Thompson, Kent and McDonald.
Posted
9:00 PM
by Gene
In response to the drooling numskull Thompson -- GEORGE ORWELL and "The Sporting Spirit": Now that the brief visit of the Dynamo football team has come to an end, it is possible to say publicly what many thinking people were saying privately before the Dynamos ever arrived. That is, that sport is an unfailing cause of ill-will, and that if such a visit as this had any effect at all on Anglo-Soviet relations, it could only be to make them slightly worse than before. Even the newspapers have been unable to conceal the fact that at least two of the four matches played led to much bad feeling. At the Arsenal match, I am told by someone who was there, a British and a Russian player came to blows and the crowd booed the referee. The Glasgow match, someone else informs me, was simply a free-for-all from the start. And then there was the controversy, typical of our nationalistic age, about the composition of the Arsenal team. Was it really an all-England team, as claimed by the Russians, or merely a league team, as claimed by the British? And did the Dynamos end their tour abruptly in order to avoid playing an all-England team? As usual, everyone answers these questions according to his political predilections. Not quite everyone, however. I noted with interest, as an instance of the vicious passions that football provokes, that the sporting correspondent of the russophile NEWS CHRONICLE took the anti-Russian line and maintained that Arsenal was NOT an all-England team. No doubt the controversy will continue to echo for years in the footnotes of history books. Meanwhile the result of the Dynamos' tour, in so far as it has had any result, will have been to create fresh animosity on both sides. And how could it be otherwise? I am always amazed when I hear people saying that sport creates goodwill between the nations, and that if only the common peoples of the world could meet one another at football or cricket, they would have no inclination to meet on the battlefield. Even if one didn't know from concrete examples (the 1936 Olympic Games, for instance) that international sporting contests lead to orgies of hatred, one could deduce it from general principles. Nearly all the sports practised nowadays are competitive. You play to win, and the game has little meaning unless you do your utmost to win. On the village green, where you pick up sides and no feeling of local patriotism is involved. it is possible to play simply for the fun and exercise: but as soon as the question of prestige arises, as soon as you feel that you and some larger unit will be disgraced if you lose, the most savage combative instincts are aroused. Anyone who has played even in a school football match knows this. At the international level sport is frankly mimic warfare. But the significant thing is not the behaviour of the players but the attitude of the spectators: and, behind the spectators, of the nations who work themselves into furies over these absurd contests, and seriously believe--at any rate for short periods--that running, jumping and kicking a ball are tests of national virtue. Even a leisurely game like cricket, demanding grace rather than strength, can cause much ill-will, as we saw in the controversy over body-line bowling and over the rough tactics of the Australian team that visited England in 1921. Football, a game in which everyone gets hurt and every nation has its own style of play which seems unfair to foreigners, is far worse. Worst of all is boxing. One of the most horrible sights in the world is a fight between white and coloured boxers before a mixed audience. But a boxing audience is always disgusting, and the behaviour of the women, in particular, is such that the army, I believe, does not allow them to attend its contests. At any rate, two or three years ago, when Home Guards and regular troops were holding a boxing tournament, I was placed on guard at the door of the hall, with orders to keep the women out. In England, the obsession with sport is bad enough, but even fiercer passions are aroused in young countries where games playing and nationalism are both recent developments. In countries like India or Burma, it is necessary at football matches to have strong cordons of police to keep the crowd from invading the field. In Burma, I have seen the supporters of one side break through the police and disable the goalkeeper of the opposing side at a critical moment. The first big football match that was played in Spain about fifteen years ago led to an uncontrollable riot. As soon as strong feelings of rivalry are aroused, the notion of playing the game according to the rules always vanishes. People want to see one side on top and the other side humiliated, and they forget that victory gained through cheating or through the intervention of the crowd is meaningless. Even when the spectators don't intervene physically they try to influence the game by cheering their own side and "rattling" opposing players with boos and insults. Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence: in other words it is war minus the shooting. Instead of blah-blahing about the clean, healthy rivalry of the football field and the great part played by the Olympic Games in bringing the nations together, it is more useful to inquire how and why this modern cult of sport arose. Most of the games we now play are of ancient origin, but sport does not seem to have been taken very seriously between Roman times and the nineteenth century. Even in the English public schools the games cult did not start till the later part of the last century. Dr Arnold, generally regarded as the founder of the modern public school, looked on games as simply a waste of time. Then, chiefly in England and the United States, games were built up into a heavily-financed activity, capable of attracting vast crowds and rousing savage passions, and the infection spread from country to country. It is the most violently combative sports, football and boxing, that have spread the widest. There cannot be much doubt that the whole thing is bound up with the rise of nationalism--that is, with the lunatic modern habit of identifying oneself with large power units and seeing everything in terms of competitive prestige. Also, organised games are more likely to flourish in urban communities where the average human being lives a sedentary or at least a confined life, and does not get much opportunity for creative labour. In a rustic community a boy or young man works off a good deal of his surplus energy by walking, swimming, snowballing, climbing trees, riding horses, and by various sports involving cruelty to animals, such as fishing, cock-fighting and ferreting for rats. In a big town one must indulge in group activities if one wants an outlet for one's physical strength or for one's sadistic impulses. Games are taken seriously in London and New York, and they were taken seriously in Rome and Byzantium: in the Middle Ages they were played, and probably played with much physical brutality, but they were not mixed up with politics nor a cause of group hatreds. If you wanted to add to the vast fund of ill-will existing in the world at this moment, you could hardly do it better than by a series of football matches between Jews and Arabs, Germans and Czechs, Indians and British, Russians and Poles, and Italians and Jugoslavs, each match to be watched by a mixed audience of 100,000 spectators. I do not, of course, suggest that sport is one of the main causes of international rivalry; big-scale sport is itself, I think, merely another effect of the causes that have produced nationalism. Still, you do make things worse by sending forth a team of eleven men, labelled as national champions, to do battle against some rival team, and allowing it to be felt on all sides that whichever nation is defeated will "lose face". I hope, therefore, that we shan't follow up the visit of the Dynamos by sending a British team to the USSR. If we must do so, then let us send a second-rate team which is sure to be beaten and cannot be claimed to represent Britain as a whole. There are quite enough real causes of trouble already, and we need not add to them by encouraging young men to kick each other on the shins amid the roars of infuriated spectators. Yes, it's from 1945. Nothing has changed since.
Posted
7:27 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:59 PM
by Gene
Yes, part of it is the weather. But part of it is THE LORDS OF LAUSANNE -- AND GE BANCORP. Meantime how about this for valuable PR? P. S. at 8:38 p. m. Another de facto MEA CULPA from the MESS -- this time prominently linked atop the HOME PAGE. At the Richmond Oval, the speedskating venue, the resurfacing machine went on the blink Monday. Instead of a track as smooth as glass, it left piles of slush and pools of water. So the Olympics, which has a sponsorship deal with Olympia ice resurfacers, had to call in a different brand for replacement — a Zamboni, from a whole province over in Calgary. NUF SAID.
Posted
11:54 AM
by Gene
Even with hundreds of cable channels to choose from today, the likelihood of running into a show like this is slim. We will pass up the usual 500-channels trope to say that the more "diversity" our media bring us, the more homogenized they get. (Another take here.)
Posted
11:36 AM
by Gene
![]() WHAT is going on here? P. S. WAIT! Click on the link and it gets worse: ![]() I repeat: WHAT is going on here? P. S. at 12:30 p. m. Reuters typos aside this seems promising, the sort of thing His Omnipotence should have done from Day One -- but he does chicken out on the matter of waste.
Posted
11:31 AM
by Gene
![]() Doesn't JonBoy know what the word "juxtaposition" means? We don't intend to make a theme of this but sometimes they're too obvious to ignore.
Posted
10:23 AM
by Gene
![]() ZALES! I think you'd better have a talk with some technodweeb! Monday, February 15, 2010
Posted
9:56 PM
by Gene
Or JEFF ZUCK 'n' DICK!
Posted
9:53 PM
by Gene
"This is a place for rich people, not poor people like us," said Ma. "We won't be coming back." (Via AHTSJournal)
Posted
8:33 PM
by Gene
Posted
7:59 PM
by Gene
We bring good things to light! P. S. It's not just Whistler -- they're having problems with the (First link via theglobeandmail.com; more on the GAMES FLAME via macleans.ca) *Correction on 2/16 at 8:44 p. m.: Wrong -- see this link.
Posted
2:28 PM
by Gene
Yes, GE BANCORP is to blame -- but so are the SPONSORS, the MICKEY Ds and COKEs, who finance THE GAMES so their CEOs can have paid six-month vacations, and them cram the coverage with ads so that they throw a justifying middle finger in their customers' faces. They signed off on JEFF and DICK's BRILLIANCE. THEY should be blamed FIRST. And of course THEY will get the last laugh when JEFF and DICK can claim 500 GIGABILLION PEOPLE watched, but then we already know most of us use our TVs as night lights.
Posted
2:21 PM
by Gene
Say maybe they could start a glass industry with all that sand! Oil and terr -- MILITANCY: not a great base for any economy. (Via Seeking Alpha)
Posted
2:11 PM
by Gene
The Obama administration on Friday announced almost $1 billion in Recovery Act funding to stimulate the use of health information technology.... The spending is all part of the more than $20 billion in health IT funding in the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act. And how many instantly obsolete systems will this propagate?
Posted
2:00 PM
by Gene
And that goes double for the line extensions.
Posted
1:53 PM
by Gene
What will the true believers in Os-CAR® do? Of course -- watch Oprah's! Pfffffffffffffft!
Posted
1:03 PM
by Gene
Well then why did you help humiliate her? Once we could call such women by their proper names, but that's not proper anymore.
Posted
12:58 PM
by Gene
You could knock me over with a Republican Party platform.
Posted
12:55 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:52 PM
by Gene
WHAT?!? She finally NOTICED?!?!?
Posted
12:48 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:37 PM
by Gene
Meaning a sour big voice should yell in his ear, "DON'T." To his credit Fred can write books himself, something most pols merely take credit for.
Posted
12:35 PM
by Gene
More managerial BRILLIANCE from VERY LITTLER JEFFY, JEFF ZUCK and DICK! Sunday, February 14, 2010
Posted
10:01 PM
by Gene
And that many people are running them too. In one of the most embarrassing moments for Vanoc, the bus carrying Premier Gordon Campbell and the four chiefs of the four host first nations was delayed getting to Friday's Opening Ceremony. They missed being present in the IOC dignitaries' box for the singing of the national anthem, and their absence behind International Olympic Committee President Jacques Rogge and Governor-General Michaelle Jean was noted on television. Just so long as BOB COSTAS didn't notice! P. S. “If winning the rights to a property brings with it hundreds of millions of dollars in losses, what have you won?” 800 MEGAZILLION VIEWERS!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
5:08 PM
by Gene
1. Surprise: Moon 'n' Stars's Expensive Razor Blade Division isn't working. But P&G executives and some former Gillette managers say much of the deal's value is like an iceberg -- it's there, just obscured under water. FULL SPEED AHEAD! said the captain of the Titanic. Plus these bozos are about to turbocharge the engine room with one of those twenty-blade $10-a-blade "upgrades". Moon 'n' Stars never heard of Moore's Law. 2. Quit Complaining About More Credit-Card Offers I'm not -- I'm flattered a few banks think highly enough of my credit rating to offer me cards. I've sent off for two zero-APR offers in the last several months. Why shouldn't I accept them? I try to live within my means; nonetheless it's nice to know my credit lines are there. I say if you get a good teaser rate and no annual fee, and intend to pay off any balance before it expires, apply! 3. Here's long term potentially very-bad news for the Ub Igers and Lowsy Mayses -- addressable ads. The only technologies that can pull it off are cable and the Web -- and if addressable ads are the usual big cream pies in the face, the viewers will throw one back. Careful targeting is the future of advertising, a future that, if done right, will mean NO MORE JUNK TV SHOWS AND THREE-SONG PLAYLISTS. WORSE -- or better -- in a recent experiment CONCAST offered an opt-out, much as with direct mail or phone solicitations. This can only mean one thing: NO MORE TV AND RADIO FOR THE BIGGEST CREAM PIES OF ALL: AUTO ADS. 4. SOCIAL MEDIA HAVE RESCUED LIVE TV!!!!!!!!!! Maybe. Maybe the usual people who must watch such live events found them marginally more interesting. Maybe Nielsen's tweaked its numbers (that's what WE suspect). Maybe next year people will decide to tune out the live specials again, or maybe someone will call out A. C. on his fantasy numbers. We wouldn't prolong the happy hour too many days. 5. There will be no Michael Phelps. Let's get that straight right away. So why have you tone-deaf advertisers opened your wallets, turned them upside down and poured out tons of OUR MONEY?
Posted
5:02 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:10 PM
by Gene
Otherwise it's marketing on wheels at 200 MPH. P. S. at 5:00 p. m. How apt: Today's High Holy Day is under a red flag thanks to a pothole. P. P. S. at 5:56 p. m. TWICE.
Posted
3:38 PM
by Gene
Because we thought He was starting a conversation on His prowess. Well, if that's what Gandhis must do to uplift the PEOPLE. Rob Tannenbaum is a contributing editor at Playboy, and the former music editor of Blender. We must remind ourselves now to read the end squibs. They are as useful as bylines to know what isn't worth reading.
Posted
10:42 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:29 AM
by Gene
![]() It took the catastrophe of a four-year-old's shooting death to awaken this neighborhood, but at least, unlike too many neighborhoods, it awakened.
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