THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, April 19, 2008
Speaking of dogs that won't stop barking, every @#$%&* cable news channel must have its BANSHEE PROFIT CENTER: BILL!!!!! LOU!!!!! KEITH!!!!! JACK!!!!! They scream at the top of their lungs to gain advertising revenue -- and only. We cannot trust any of them because their beliefs are clearly fungible. That they come across as honest as professional wrestling doesn't help. So long as we have screamers we should not trust one word from any cable-news outfit, including definite and indefinite articles.
Having endured a musical vagrant tonight I think I know why The Messiah gets to me: He wouldn't hurt a fly -- even if a whole kennel made its home on His street.
We must say we may have judged the Pope a bit harshly by insisting he was spreading platitudes, but speaking before Catholic YOUNUHVERSUHTEE execs and the League of Nations is bound to bring out the blather in nearly anyone. It is now clear the chief focus of the Pontiff's visit is to combat priestly sex abuse, and he has been forthright about it, as well he had to be, for the church in the U. S. is in a bad enough way without pervs in its midst.
Friday, April 18, 2008
In a hard-to-read article (dark type on a grayish-brown background) "an entertainment blogger for b5media" (roll the eyes) says the concert business is going kerflooey, weighted down with geezer acts, and all because all those kids are listening to their faves on the Web. We expect such keyboard testing from entertainment bloggers (and from DOW 36,000, who once opined OPERA IS HEALTHIER THAN EVER!!!!!), but riddle me this: Between the end of the seventies and the beginning of the Web boom newer powerhouse acts had plenty of time to establish themselves. Why didn't they? Maybe because they weren't so powerhouse. Next to today's "acts" they're positively the Beatles. Entertainment bloggers and like minds will NEVER admit pop music's simply been getting worse and worse -- but then they wouldn't be entertainment bloggers.
(Via the usual Arts & Letters Daily)
(Via the usual Arts & Letters Daily)
Dalai Lama: 'Nothing positive' has come from talks with China
Which is why it pays for China to keep talking.
Which is why it pays for China to keep talking.
Psychologist: 'No Traditional Foster Care' for Polygamy Kids
TRANSLATION: All the king's horses and all the king's men....
TRANSLATION: All the king's horses and all the king's men....
Lindsay Lohan to Dad: Stop Talking to Reporters
We COULD say something about pots and kettles, but will hold our tongue instead.
We COULD say something about pots and kettles, but will hold our tongue instead.
The point is that most movies are terrible. Most movies have always been terrible.
Is that why you've praised so many of SLIME's movies, JPod?
Is that why you've praised so many of SLIME's movies, JPod?
Bad News Really Is Bad News For Citi
Unless you're in the Wall Street Casino, then it really IS GOOD NEWS!
Unless you're in the Wall Street Casino, then it really IS GOOD NEWS!
Speaking of He, today we saw two eager young beavers at an intersection flipping arrow-shaped MESSIAH signs as though they were skateboards, which got us thinking about all the humongous balls the W-Higs rolled through city streets for Tippecanoe -- which got us revising his old campaign song:
What has caused this great commotion-motion-motion,
Our country through?
It is the ball a-rolling on-on,
For Barack the Messiah -- He is God!
For Barack the Messiah -- He is God!
And with Him we'll beat little Hill, Hill,
Hill is a used-up pill.
And with Him we'll beat little Hill.
Like the rushing of mighty waters, waters, waters,
On it will go,
And in its course will clear the way
For Barack the Messiah -- He is God!
For Barack the Messiah -- He is God!
And with Him we'll beat little Hill, Hill,
Hill can go back to Bill.
And with Him we'll beat little Hill.
But shouldn't "we" be capitalized too?
What has caused this great commotion-motion-motion,
Our country through?
It is the ball a-rolling on-on,
For Barack the Messiah -- He is God!
For Barack the Messiah -- He is God!
And with Him we'll beat little Hill, Hill,
Hill is a used-up pill.
And with Him we'll beat little Hill.
Like the rushing of mighty waters, waters, waters,
On it will go,
And in its course will clear the way
For Barack the Messiah -- He is God!
For Barack the Messiah -- He is God!
And with Him we'll beat little Hill, Hill,
Hill can go back to Bill.
And with Him we'll beat little Hill.
But shouldn't "we" be capitalized too?
Also via IWantMedia, LEGENDARY DAVIS is stepping aside, to be replaced by a bean counter, meaning LEG stepped aside because He was afraid His bean would be counted.
What will He do without His worshipers?
What will He do without His worshipers?
A big surprise: Useless News is cutting its frequency and circulation, meaning Mort Zuck can make every issue into a list, or maybe turn the rag into perpetual college guide, or maybe he can just run it into the ground, as per usual.
Google Profit Report Rewards Options Traders With 17,530% Gain
I guess this means the idiots are back, and GEKKO KUDLOW can hug himself again.
I guess this means the idiots are back, and GEKKO KUDLOW can hug himself again.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Sallie Mae, the largest U.S. student loan company, on Thursday affirmed its 2008 profit forecast, but warned of a "train wreck" in the $85 billion education financing market without urgent government intervention.
Is there any debt UNCLE SUCKER can't and won't be made to guarantee?
Is there any debt UNCLE SUCKER can't and won't be made to guarantee?
WHAT THE PUBLIC GETS: ANOTHER TERMITE-INFESTED TENTPOLE FINANCED BY CEOS WHO WANT TO SCHMOOZE.
Burger King, 7-Eleven, Audi, Estée Lauder...TO BE CONTINUED.
Burger King, 7-Eleven, Audi, Estée Lauder...TO BE CONTINUED.
Somebody with too many keys on a keyboard to pound has typed a book-length Thinker pose claiming Gen X is The Greatest Generation (two clichés within six words, blecch) because it invented G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE and all the other high-tech wonders (for today, we'll agree), but the TWXSTERS get a sort of revenge by linking to an article on "the do-it-yourself generation" that ran "51 Years Ago in Time" in 1954.
P. S. It's 5,743 on Amazon.com. We're not that impressed.
P. S. It's 5,743 on Amazon.com. We're not that impressed.
West, the chart-topper most determined to burn his likeness into the walls of pop's Valhalla, cares deeply about what it means to be a hero. Wednesday, he didn't take a spear to the gut the way Wagner's Siegfried did, but he did confront terror, doubt and filial grief in a show that carried his braggadocio into the realm of myth itself.
TRANSLATION: Neither the news biz nor the Col. have laid off enough.
TRANSLATION: Neither the news biz nor the Col. have laid off enough.
These are the best questions, bar none, asked in a debate this election season....If the ABC game plan was to utterly undermine the “liberal media is giving them a free ride” complaint they succeeded in spades.
Charlie Gibson and George Stephanopoulos turned in shoddy, despicable performances!!!!!!!!!! [Great TV cri-TIC overemphasis added]
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
Charlie Gibson and George Stephanopoulos turned in shoddy, despicable performances!!!!!!!!!! [Great TV cri-TIC overemphasis added]
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
I want to set the record straight. Jeff is an outstanding CEO, and the GE financial model is as attractive as ever. I will endeavor in retirement not to step in it again.
Where's the BIG BUT, LEGENDARY?
While Mr. Immelt’s job seems secure for now....
BUT....
On Wednesday, Welch, who retired in 2001, said he would be "shocked beyond belief" if Chief Executive Jeff Immelt again missed an earnings target. He said he'd "get out a gun and shoot" Immelt if GE missed an earnings target.
Never mind, that BUT is TOO big.
Where's the BIG BUT, LEGENDARY?
While Mr. Immelt’s job seems secure for now....
BUT....
On Wednesday, Welch, who retired in 2001, said he would be "shocked beyond belief" if Chief Executive Jeff Immelt again missed an earnings target. He said he'd "get out a gun and shoot" Immelt if GE missed an earnings target.
Never mind, that BUT is TOO big.
The signing of the "guaranteeed [SIC] completion contracts" signals that SAG's not expecting a quick resolution to the talks.
GOOD!
GOOD!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Newsday stock-swap sale could save Zell $245M
It's official: Col. doesn't have a clue.
(Via MediaBistro)
It's official: Col. doesn't have a clue.
(Via MediaBistro)
A video posted on YouTube showing Philippine doctors laughing while removing an object from a patient may lead to charges against the surgeons and cost them their medical licenses, officials said Wednesday.
Yes, people are that stupid.
Yes, people are that stupid.
VT spokesman respects media more since campus massacre (the usual Romy)
We wonder why.
By the way, look up "nbc news" in Google Images. Yep, you would have guessed.
We wonder why.
By the way, look up "nbc news" in Google Images. Yep, you would have guessed.
And if the Catholic church's all-too-humanness has lost it its speaking voice, so trendiness lost it its singing voice. And we doubt this will get any better; the next pope -- and yes, we must think that -- will most likely come from what academics will screamingly insist NOT be called the third world, and just as the third world is held hostage to fads like liberation theology, so is it more susceptible to GHEEtars.
(Via ArtsJournal)
(Via ArtsJournal)
'Such a Cute Pope'
We aren't one of those face-scrunching church-'n'-staters, but we wonder if Dubya and the Pope didn't embrace a little too -- tight. Then again, he is a Re -- Catholic, and Catholics are a huge constituency, and lots of Catholics are Republicans, so we do understand the touchy-feely.
On the other hand we wonder if making His Holiness into Jes' Folks -- hugging him on the shoulder like a long lost relative, singing "Happy Birthday" to him -- doesn't diminish the man, and his mission. Yes, it is all well-meaning and neighborly. But if the Pope is ordinary, so must be the Church. And the Church has given too much evidence of being very ordinary lately.
We aren't one of those face-scrunching church-'n'-staters, but we wonder if Dubya and the Pope didn't embrace a little too -- tight. Then again, he is a Re -- Catholic, and Catholics are a huge constituency, and lots of Catholics are Republicans, so we do understand the touchy-feely.
On the other hand we wonder if making His Holiness into Jes' Folks -- hugging him on the shoulder like a long lost relative, singing "Happy Birthday" to him -- doesn't diminish the man, and his mission. Yes, it is all well-meaning and neighborly. But if the Pope is ordinary, so must be the Church. And the Church has given too much evidence of being very ordinary lately.
Is John McCain Bob Dole?
Or is he Dwight Eisenhower? (Actually, that may depend on whether Barack Obama is Mike Dukakis or John Kennedy.)
DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....
Or is he Dwight Eisenhower? (Actually, that may depend on whether Barack Obama is Mike Dukakis or John Kennedy.)
DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....
That LALA can devote 1,198 words to the last of the "Nine Old Men" says that, however violently they plug the business, news hacks can't hide the fact that they have ever less and less worth plugging.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
AP NEWS ALERT!!!!!
WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Associated Press has learned that the State Department is warning U.S. diplomats they may be forced to serve in Iraq next year.
Ooooh! The HORROR! Oh well, now they can be close to all those BEEB correspondents they forever listen to.
WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Associated Press has learned that the State Department is warning U.S. diplomats they may be forced to serve in Iraq next year.
Ooooh! The HORROR! Oh well, now they can be close to all those BEEB correspondents they forever listen to.
An emotional J.K. Rowling said on Monday she had stopped working on a new novel because her creativity was stifled by a fan's bid to print an unofficial encyclopedic companion to her Harry Potter series.
We thought it was the DEPRESSION, MS. ROWLINGCORP.
(Via the usual ArtsJournal)
We thought it was the DEPRESSION, MS. ROWLINGCORP.
(Via the usual ArtsJournal)
Eating today at my local lovable Mickey D's and remembering this pioneering TV commercial with THE JUGGLER'S predecessor (the jingles were dorky even then -- notice too the Capitol "Hi-'Q'" music in the open, a relic from Hanna-Barbera; betcha they wouldn't do THAT no more), I remembered the boast Mick made on His Golden Arches -- "Over 500 Million Hamburgers Sold", whatever. But if you want a really outlandish number, total the Mick's sales for the last 25 years -- and then adjust them for inflation. We have no idea what it would be, but we'd guess it's over $1 TRILLION -- proof people are literally gluttons for punishment.
Odd that he's still around after eating all those delicious McDonald's hamburgers.
Now the Mick is staging its own American Idol. Why not have a contest for the next Ronny McD?
Monday, April 14, 2008
It's official -- misery loves companies...again.
Nopw let's do the Surviving Airlines Countdown: ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four....
Nopw let's do the Surviving Airlines Countdown: ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four....
Absolut�s �Mexico U.S.� Map Angers Many [A BIG FAT NEWSMAX!!!!! SIC!!!!!]
And you must STILL be angry punctuating like that!
Wait a second! Don't they use their question marks upside-down in Mexico?
And you must STILL be angry punctuating like that!
Wait a second! Don't they use their question marks upside-down in Mexico?
'Annie Oakley' changes her tune
Folks are dumb where I come from,
They ain't had any larnin'.
Still they'll always vote for me,
Doin' what comes natur'lly!
Folks are dumb where I come from,
They ain't had any larnin'.
Still they'll always vote for me,
Doin' what comes natur'lly!
Proving once again why he's one of America's all-time-greatest leaders:
WASHINGTON - Former Vice President Walter Mondale, who played a key role in the U.S. boycott of the 1980 summer Olympics in Moscow, isn't joining those who are urging President Bush to skip the opening ceremonies at the Beijing Olympics.
Instead, Mondale called on the U.S. to take an active role in getting the Chinese government to speak with the Dalai Lama about the situation in Tibet.
WASHINGTON - Former Vice President Walter Mondale, who played a key role in the U.S. boycott of the 1980 summer Olympics in Moscow, isn't joining those who are urging President Bush to skip the opening ceremonies at the Beijing Olympics.
Instead, Mondale called on the U.S. to take an active role in getting the Chinese government to speak with the Dalai Lama about the situation in Tibet.
I've got a brilliant idea, Congressjerks -- let's help the poor people pay for the food prices you helped raise with your BIOFUELS MANIA by giving more financial aid to them?
How 'bout it, SEN. CONSCIENCE ETHANOL?
How 'bout it, SEN. CONSCIENCE ETHANOL?
Chrysler LLC and Nissan Motor Co Ltd unveiled a production alliance on Monday covering small cars and full-size pickup trucks.
Under the terms of the deal, Nissan will build a small car for Chrysler using the North American automaker's design in 2010 and Chrysler will build a new full-sized pickup truck for the Japanese automaker using Nissan's plans in 2011, the companies said.
So -- who will build the better vehicle?
Under the terms of the deal, Nissan will build a small car for Chrysler using the North American automaker's design in 2010 and Chrysler will build a new full-sized pickup truck for the Japanese automaker using Nissan's plans in 2011, the companies said.
So -- who will build the better vehicle?
Here is one reason it is not worth blogging. We've no doubt a whole array of SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS who referred to this photog's GUILT will say nothing. (We will not hold our breath awaiting MICHELLE THE LOUDMOUTH.) We confess to having joined the crowd, too -- it is too easy to join the crowd blogging -- if only because of a longstanding distrust of the hacks and their propensity to turn themselves into martyrs. If the photog was guilty of nothing it shows our government's total incompetence. That they held a member of the press for so long, though totally unjustified, is nonetheless an echo of the P-Ulitzer-Prize-winning end of an UNJUST WAR.
(Via the usual Romy)
(Links fixed 7/4/2008; story originally a Yahoo! News link)
(Via the usual Romy)
(Links fixed 7/4/2008; story originally a Yahoo! News link)