THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
![[Powered by Blogger]](http://buttons.blogger.com/bloggerbutton1.gif){kind=small}
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Stars and Stripes's senior managing editor said yesterday what we said last Sunday, and nobody reads us.
BUSINESS BRILLIANCE: The wizards who just bought ESPNCORP's AHThouse division intend to make no more movies (hooRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!) but will instead buy bits and pieces of other libraries while the DVD market collapses. Brilliant business thinking!
Although given how ego and Hollywood collide one should never say never. The real fun will be in the added losses.
Although given how ego and Hollywood collide one should never say never. The real fun will be in the added losses.
Friday, July 30, 2010
To all the NEWS HACKS who spend so many of their waking hours (and some of their sleeping) drooling over THIS CLOD, and her comrade clods: You think maybe if you stopped drooling over such clods -- better still, if you ignored them outright -- people might LIKE you more?
Bob Kerrey lost his chance to rule the world because HE SPILLED THE BEANS TO ROTGUT REEK!
Hold on! If ST. JACK OF VALENTI could palsy-walsy with OL' WHISKEY BREATH, why not BOB?
(Via TINA!!!!!)
AHTSJournal HAS to link to this leg-lifting about the WONDERFUL job the mentally-challenged have done for the movies, yet another reminder of how much better life would be without the Web.
A problem for Obama: He's the Velcro president [Home page link]
Wait! Wasn't he supposed to take credit for all the GOOD things that stuck to him?
Wait! Wasn't he supposed to take credit for all the GOOD things that stuck to him?
Facebook Said to Put Off IPO Until 2012 to Buy Time for Growth
TRANSLATION: With luck this will be worth as much as MYSPACE is.
SharesPost values Facebook at $24.9 billion, more than double its value in March.
THIS from the Web site of the same rag that boasted THE DONALD was worth QUADRILLIONS. New owner, same rag.
Mommy, what is a SharesPost? Is that like a tooth fairy?
TRANSLATION: With luck this will be worth as much as MYSPACE is.
SharesPost values Facebook at $24.9 billion, more than double its value in March.
THIS from the Web site of the same rag that boasted THE DONALD was worth QUADRILLIONS. New owner, same rag.
Mommy, what is a SharesPost? Is that like a tooth fairy?
CBS Staffer Alleges Redstone Abuse
Why should anyone who treats His audiences so rotten be expected to treat His subordinates any better?
In short, don't we ALL suffer from Redstone abuse?
Why should anyone who treats His audiences so rotten be expected to treat His subordinates any better?
In short, don't we ALL suffer from Redstone abuse?
ESPNCORP's experiment with "adult" movies is officially over. Now it can make movies for kids, and adults who act like kids.
P. S.
Colony also controls Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch.
NO COMMENT.
P. S.
Colony also controls Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch.
NO COMMENT.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
ARCHDaily!
Only a STARCHITECT would assume a virtue in designing a building that looks ready to fall in on itself.
If we set up border checkpoints like this with Mexico NO ONE could get past them! No one would want to!
A $5 MILLION SERVICE STATION!
Is that a Denny's in back? And are the restrooms upstairs?
How many people can say they live beneath a superhighway on-ramp?
A yellow valentine!
Only a STARCHITECT would assume a virtue in designing a building that looks ready to fall in on itself.
If we set up border checkpoints like this with Mexico NO ONE could get past them! No one would want to!
A $5 MILLION SERVICE STATION!
Is that a Denny's in back? And are the restrooms upstairs?
How many people can say they live beneath a superhighway on-ramp?
A yellow valentine!
No! NO!! BOB KERREY'S TURNED DOWN THE CONSPIRACY JOB!!!!!
What will ANTI-PIRACY ZEALOTS do?
Thankfully THE CONSPIRACY can go on making JACK'S TOXIC ALPHABET SOUP.
What will ANTI-PIRACY ZEALOTS do?
Thankfully THE CONSPIRACY can go on making JACK'S TOXIC ALPHABET SOUP.
CHOLLY! Please -- DON'T SETTLE! Stick up for your rights! Show 'em there's a place for raw corruption!
P. S. at 3:21 p. m.
The hearing's start was delayed an hour by votes on the House floor, during which Rangel huddled on the Democratic side with members of the New York delegation and a few other close supporters.
At one point, Rep Anthony Weiner (D-N.Y.), a junior lawmaker from Queens, gave the dean of his state's congressional delegation a big hug. Others patted him on the back.
We'll pat your back too, CHOLLY!
P. P. S. at 6:13 p. m.
However, as Thursday's public airing of the charges drew nearer, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi seem resigned to the case proceeding. [Emphasis added]
He won't -- and I'm not!
This gesture should tell the people who want us outOUTOUT!!!!! of Afghanistan to shut up. I wouldn't have run it but I see the point.
Instead of wasting their zillions of vanity giving maybe BUGMEISTER and ST. WARREN could donate that horribly mutilated young woman some reconstructive surgery.
Instead of wasting their zillions of vanity giving maybe BUGMEISTER and ST. WARREN could donate that horribly mutilated young woman some reconstructive surgery.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
After Breitbart and Shirley Sherrod, We Need a Slow-News Movement
For many years we had a slow-news movement, which sometimes slowed the news a la JOURNOLIST -- and THAT'S why we've got BREITBARTS!!!!!.
For many years we had a slow-news movement, which sometimes slowed the news a la JOURNOLIST -- and THAT'S why we've got BREITBARTS!!!!!.
Rod Blagojevich’s own lawyer said Tuesday that his client is “foolish” and not the “sharpest knife in the drawer,” but said that is no reason to convict the former Democratic governor of Illinois of corruption.
With friends like these....
With friends like these....
2010 likely to bring more negative campaign ads than ever, analyst says
BROADCASTERS! Time to DANCE ON THE CEILING!
BROADCASTERS! Time to DANCE ON THE CEILING!
HENRY HONEST!!!!! starts to boast like NICK DORKEN and the HUFF!!!!!
Peas in a pod -- and I don't care how BIG the peas are.
Peas in a pod -- and I don't care how BIG the peas are.
A perfesser who served on SLICK's Council of Economic Advisors says the stimulus WORKED!!!!! A perfesser at the HOOVER INSTITUTION says it DIDN'T.
I HATE DUELING PARTISAN ECONOMISTS!
(Via the annoying TINA!!!!!)
I HATE DUELING PARTISAN ECONOMISTS!
(Via the annoying TINA!!!!!)
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
We know weddings are a way of showing off but Mr. and Ms. Slickster may be going too far. Boomers flaunt their bad taste and we can see the zillion-dollar ceremony full of it -- the Beltway mafiosi flaunting their ugliest garb as though wearing leisure suits, the Slicksters FLYYYYYYYYYYING in Lord Elton to sing the musical equivalent of Sweet 'n Low, and FLYYYYYYYYYYING in Placido to sing "Perhaps Love" (how about with Lord Elton!); and we've no doubt the ceremony proper will be cloyingly PC to the NTH, with greeting-card poesy and all manner of skirting the fact that a man and a woman are marrying, and that there might be a God. As for the reception, it will be zillionaire slobs trying to act civilized. We could understand if the bride were a raging beauty (PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!) and the groom were handsome, or even powerful, but somehow we cannot skirt the fact that the betrothed are descended from an impeached president and a convicted felon, and that a big point of the exercise is to create a dynasty that may not take. Worse it's just another way for the RULING CLASS to mock the plebeians, and it doubly stings when so many are unemployed. Or as their distant relation Marie Antoinette could have said -- LET THEM EAT WEDDING CAKE!
(Via WOLFFMAN!!!!!)
(Via WOLFFMAN!!!!!)
Speaking of MediaBistro -- has anyone ever written a story about NICK DORKEN!!!!! that had any CONTENT?
A note to THE NOTABLY ANGRY, SARCASTIC AMERICAN, the "SNARLYGASTER" who, in letters to this columnist or in postings on baltimoresun.com talk forums, expresses GLEE at the troubles of the U.S. newspaper industry and the hope that the nation's dailies disappear:
Be careful what you wish for. YOU MAY WIND UP WITH ANDREW BREITBART!!!!! [Angry overemphasis added]
Or you may wind up with JOURNOLIST.
I think we've crossed that Rubicon with BOTH feet, Dan.
(Via MediaBistro)
Be careful what you wish for. YOU MAY WIND UP WITH ANDREW BREITBART!!!!! [Angry overemphasis added]
Or you may wind up with JOURNOLIST.
I think we've crossed that Rubicon with BOTH feet, Dan.
(Via MediaBistro)
Monday, July 26, 2010
I've often complained of my MOUNTAIN VIEW-originated lack of hits but surely a TV producer dying of cancer deserved far more than 50,000 visitors to her blog. Thankfully where she is now there are no traffic counts, only peace.
ARCHDaily!
The most elaborate taxidermy project in history -- but what kind of lizard is THAT? And why the curved STILTS?
Or is that a weed-infested monorail about to take off?
The most elaborate taxidermy project in history -- but what kind of lizard is THAT? And why the curved STILTS?
Or is that a weed-infested monorail about to take off?
Please note: There's no nudity in the clips below but they are of an extremely racy nature -- so users with high blood pressure and heart problems should beware. (There is also graphic language.)
God knows what came over me but I clicked on Maxim's Web site, and however popular it may be it has the bloom of a dying web site. As I've said before perhaps the target audience has come to realize it's being talked down to, and resents it. What's more, Maxim's a tease. Caught between testosterone and the usual consumer-products sugar-daddy advertisers such a site can please no one. Witness the comments of this link to an old, stale AOL feature. (Who wrote that disclaimer? THE CONSPIRACY or THE ADVERTISERS? It has BELTWAY all over it. They WOULD think flesh worse than four-letter words.) Here is yet another argument that it's best to do something right or (preferably) not do it at all -- and as this amply demonstrates, some Web sites are best not doing anything.
God knows what came over me but I clicked on Maxim's Web site, and however popular it may be it has the bloom of a dying web site. As I've said before perhaps the target audience has come to realize it's being talked down to, and resents it. What's more, Maxim's a tease. Caught between testosterone and the usual consumer-products sugar-daddy advertisers such a site can please no one. Witness the comments of this link to an old, stale AOL feature. (Who wrote that disclaimer? THE CONSPIRACY or THE ADVERTISERS? It has BELTWAY all over it. They WOULD think flesh worse than four-letter words.) Here is yet another argument that it's best to do something right or (preferably) not do it at all -- and as this amply demonstrates, some Web sites are best not doing anything.
U.S. sales of new homes had a better-than-expected rebound in June after falling to record lows in May.
Sales rose 23.6% in June to a seasonally adjusted annual rate of 330,000, the Commerce Department reported Monday....
Economists were expecting a slight bounce back to a 316,000 rate. This is still the second lowest sales rate on record.
DOW 15,000,000!!!!!!!!!!
Sales rose 23.6% in June to a seasonally adjusted annual rate of 330,000, the Commerce Department reported Monday....
Economists were expecting a slight bounce back to a 316,000 rate. This is still the second lowest sales rate on record.
DOW 15,000,000!!!!!!!!!!
The retail investor thinks the economy is heading down the drain!
Result: DOW 10,000,000!!!!!!!!!!
Is it possible a contrary indicator may not be so contrary once in a while?
Result: DOW 10,000,000!!!!!!!!!!
Is it possible a contrary indicator may not be so contrary once in a while?
We'd very much like to see the MESS or Yahoo! acquire HuffPo. As the sad tales of MySpace and AOL's Weblogs show, once a HOT! Web site gets acquired it does a fine imitation of a collapsing house of cards.
She has lots of company: one block over from HuffPo’s SoHo headquarters are the offices of Mediaite, run by TV journalist Dan Abrams. A few blocks away is Gawker Media, led by Internet guru Nick Denton. Also in the neighborhood: Wolff’s Newser. Over on Fifth Avenue is Business Insider, started by ex–Wall Street analyst Henry Blodget. Not far away, in Chelsea, Tina Brown runs her news site, The Daily Beast. There’s also Politico, in Washington, D.C., and a slew of tech blogs out in Silicon Valley, including TechCrunch, GigaOm, AllThingsD—and on and on.
The collective gust of hot air is scalding.
She has lots of company: one block over from HuffPo’s SoHo headquarters are the offices of Mediaite, run by TV journalist Dan Abrams. A few blocks away is Gawker Media, led by Internet guru Nick Denton. Also in the neighborhood: Wolff’s Newser. Over on Fifth Avenue is Business Insider, started by ex–Wall Street analyst Henry Blodget. Not far away, in Chelsea, Tina Brown runs her news site, The Daily Beast. There’s also Politico, in Washington, D.C., and a slew of tech blogs out in Silicon Valley, including TechCrunch, GigaOm, AllThingsD—and on and on.
The collective gust of hot air is scalding.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
The Daily Kaplan's P-Ulitzer-winning investigation of our intelligence agencies came and went with little trace -- heck even the CW CJR mocked it -- and we doubt these voluminous leaks will last much longer. Even if we grant things are awful in Afghanistan, what's the alternative -- letting the stone-age Taliban rule? And do we need 90,000 alleged documents to tell us some Pakistanis are in cahoots with the rubble makers?
The only good to come out of this is it momentarily distracted the hacks from THEIR SERIAL AD CAMPAIGN.
The only good to come out of this is it momentarily distracted the hacks from THEIR SERIAL AD CAMPAIGN.
We hate to say this but do those two supreme megalomaniacs really help their daughter by making her wedding a butt of jokes?
(Also via WOLFFMAN!!!!!)
(Also via WOLFFMAN!!!!!)
50th-Anniversary Tour Will Be Rolling Stones' Last
AAAAAAAAAA-aaaa-MEN! (Clap! Clap!) AAAAAAAAAA-aaaa-MEN! (Clap! Clap!) AAAAAAAAAA-AAAA-MEN! AAAAAAAAAA-MEN! AAAAAAAAAA-MEN! EVERYBODY!
Have the Stones ever sung it?
eBay's stock UP TEN POINTS on Monday!
AAAAAAAAAA-aaaa-MEN! (Clap! Clap!) AAAAAAAAAA-aaaa-MEN! (Clap! Clap!) AAAAAAAAAA-AAAA-MEN! AAAAAAAAAA-MEN! AAAAAAAAAA-MEN! EVERYBODY!
Have the Stones ever sung it?
eBay's stock UP TEN POINTS on Monday!
I just came across a vile piece of PR -- pardon me -- doggie doo in USAOKAY!!!!! (I will not link to it as I posted the usual spit-in-a-fierce-wind comment) even as I was listening to a now-forgotten (unjustly forgotten) FDR campaign speech of '44 to the Teamsters -- the "Fala" speech. (Fala was FDR's dog, and a very good one.) In it, though likening the Republicans to our mortal enemies of the war (NO, GEORGE, you DIDN'T invent slander), he makes this otherwise searing observation:
The opposition in this year has already imported into this campaign a very interesting thing, because it is foreign. They have imported the propaganda technique invented by the dictators abroad. Remember, a number of years ago, there was a book, Mein Kampf, written by Hitler himself. The technique was all set out in Hitler's book - and it was copied by the aggressors of Italy and Japan. According to that technique, you should never use a small falsehood; always a big one, for its very fantastic nature would make it more credible - if only you keep repeating it over and over and over again. [Emphasis added]
He famously went on to say how Fala became a victim of Republican falsehoods. Whether the story is true or not it was hugely entertaining, and any falsehood was good-humored and harmless, and it made Fala almost as immortal in the canine world as the dog not named Toto.
Since Fala news hacks have improved on Hitler's technique by cultivating so many small falsehoods for so many different kinds of untruth they become a very fantastically big one -- which they can repeat over and over and over again.
How did this get to be the MO of Al Neuharth? How did this get to be the MO of NEWS HACKS?
P. S. FDR's death broke Fala's heart. We would not be broken-hearted if most news hacks would parade single file off a cliff in the Grand Canyon.
DISREGARD
Disregard Device Injuries-Kids. This story was not intended to move.
Okay ASSPress! We'll disregard.
Disregard Device Injuries-Kids. This story was not intended to move.
Okay ASSPress! We'll disregard.
Is it not odd that while His Omnipotence leads us into what we are prohibited by law from calling SOCIALISM, the Brits are going the other way?
What do they know that His Omnipotence doesn't?
What do they know that His Omnipotence doesn't?