Posted 7:28 PM by Gene

Somebody got A REALLY GREAT DEEEEAL ON AN AU-TO-MO-BILE!

PAY THE PLAYERS ALREADY!

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

Illinois' governor gives the candy store away to Motorola Mobility, meaning the clock's ticking as to whether the company moves out or goes broke first.

Given the old Motorola became two companies and the other side had a 1-for-7 reverse split, we wonder. We also wonder how long a handset business can last.

Posted 2:35 PM by Gene

How much of a megalomaniac was Osama?

He taped himself watching TV!

Posted 2:14 PM by Gene

Osama is a pretty good reason for Pakistan AND India to ditch their nukes.

Mr. Rothman said he wants to use U.S. military aid to gain more leverage with Pakistan’s government.

“We should continue to use whatever foreign and military aid to Pakistan … in order to help guide the Pakistanis into creating the kind of stability and cooperation we are looking for from them on a consistent basis,” he said.

TRANSLATION: We'll still give to our "friends" to help our enemies.

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

Good news: That lunkheaded CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED cartoon epic started below expectations!

Better news: That lunkheaded cars 'n' babes movee declined 70 percent!

Best news: MEL'S COMEBACK FIZZLES!

"Oh, it's a good day...."

SUPERNIKKI!!!!!, speaking for Her bosses, on the first one:

The good-looking Hemsworth allowed for heavy PR to drum up appeal among women with his shirtless clip a popular choice for talk shows with large female audiences who also were targeted with a Royal Wedding blitz. To solidify male appeal, Paramount had spots during the Super Bowl and NCAA Basketball, the UFC Marathon and UFC Fight Night Live Premiere. And, to appeal to the feeble-brained, Thor ads aired on the finale of Jersey Shore.

Feeble-brained, of course, excludes anyone else who comes to see our excretions.

Her excuse for the second:

THEY TOOK OUR IMAX AWAY! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

SUPERNIKKI!!!!!, shut up and go play with your numbers.

Posted 10:54 AM by Gene

WHEW! No Blutos until the fall.

Posted 10:37 AM by Gene

Seve Ballesteros cut a suave path down the fairway -- he was a sex symbol for a game that desperately needs them -- and that the experts so often use "imaginative" to describe his play says golf can never be a sport of mere brute force, and it can cater to men who can think. Ungodly that he died at such an age, but at least his name and image will live on.

Posted 9:01 PM by Gene

WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!! Sharon says WE MUST follow THESE BRILLIANT TWEETING COMEDIANS!!!!!

SARAH SILVERMAN!!!!!: I just found out that embedding feces deep into the roots of a shag rug is on my dog's Bucket List.

PATTON OSWALT!!!!!: I disagree with Werner Herzog declaring a "Holy War" on yoga, but would love to watch him wage it.

JONAH HILL!!!!!: It's so awkward running into my ex-girlfriend. It's come to the point where I find myself avoiding sitting in my car outside of her house.

SETH "YUM!" MacFARLANE!!!!!: Now that we've seen his birth certificate, I want to see proof that President Obama is black.

BILLY "OSCAR®!!!!!" CRYSTAL!!!!!: Filed my taxes today, can't believe there's still a deficit.

JIMMY FALLON!!!!!: A shelter put a dog named Twitter up for adoption. While their dog, MySpace, was “taken to a farm to run & play forever.”

ERIC SEVAREID!!!!!: If anyone in President Donald Trump's cabinet isn't pulling their weight, he won't hesitate to say, "You are the weakest link, goodbye!"

SHANA ALEXANDER!!!!!: [SUMNER insiders will get THAT joke.] I just saw a guy get his nutz banged in a movie! I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE! Please do that joke ALL THE TIME Hollywood! Ha ha ha.

WAIT!! What do you mean the club's closing? We just got started!

Posted 7:20 PM by Gene

GEE, THANKS AGAIN, BEN!

Posted 7:11 PM by Gene

Pakistan has its own version of WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS, and given that lobbyists are the most venerated figures in the Beltway this should be enough to shut the critics up.

Posted 3:04 PM by Gene

WHACK-A-MOLE:

In order to wrap a $3.7B purchase of Alberto-Culver (ACV), Unilever (UN) must sell off the VO5 and Rave hair-care brands, the Justice Department says - otherwise the combined company would have a 90% dominance of low-end shampoos. ACV shareholders approved the buyout in December.

As we too often see with government-ordered spinoffs, businesses can aggregate in other ways (witness the BOCs), making such arbitrary mandates pointless -- at best.

Posted 1:45 PM by Gene

We're human; we should all try to admit to our mistakes. It was big of Michelle Malkin and Doug Ross to apologize for theirs, something we'd hardly expect from the former. But we know who writes for SUPERADAM!!!!! Would they apologize for a cheap partisan mistake they made? There are too many who wouldn't right and left, and SUPERADAM!!!!!'s gang is at the top of the LEFT list.

Posted 11:58 AM by Gene

How the Web spreads FACTOIDS:

1. The good news is that the economy added about 268,000 new jobs. The bad news is that 25 percent (62,000) were from McDonald’s.

2. “Says Eric Green of TD Securities: ‘There is no McDonald effect in the report today…The publicized job hiring day was April 19th, one week after the April survey period....

A partisan vs. a stock sales -- ANALYST. We don't know whom to believe after this one.

Posted 11:33 AM by Gene

Unemployment isn’t just blighting the lives of millions, it’s undermining America’s future. The longer this goes on, the more workers will find it impossible ever to return to employment, the more young people will find their prospects destroyed because they can’t find a decent starting job. It may not create excited chatter on cable TV, but the unemployment crisis is real, and it’s eating away at our society.

Why is this guy so often content to imitate a Soviet or Nazi party hack? Why can't he think all the time, instead of just a little?

(Via Seeking Alpha)

Posted 10:38 AM by Gene

IDIOT:

As I stumbled out of the Imax multiplex all-media advance screening of “Thor,” depositing my 3-D glasses in the appropriate bin, I thought of seeking shelter: in a nearby bar; under a passing bus; in the velvet shadows of an art house playing the longest, slowest, most obscure movie imaginable.

Given your ARM-WAVINGLY ENTHUSIASTIC career (including praising some of the longest, slowest, most obscure movies imaginable, no doubt) you should have sought shelter long before typing your first rave for The Paper of Re-CORD.

(Via TINA!)

Posted 10:03 AM by Gene

Perhaps a truer measure of the worth of youth media properties is the fire-sale price for Warner Music. $3 billion plus including the debt is a fraction of what it was worth as part of PEOPLE WARNER. Media hacks will forever say the problem is downloading, but folks are still buying music, and if the music were better folks would be buying more. You get what you pay for, as the saying goes, and most music these days is free, and very much worth what you pay for it.

P. S. at 3:27 p. m. One of SUPERNIKKI!!!!!'s commenters nails it:

Hey, sexy M&A! That always equals good music and respect for catalog, right? Right?

Just kidding. Warners–one of the most interesting labels back in the day–might as well make toothbrush bristles for all this shlub and his advisors care. “Buy low and sell high.” That was Beethoven’s motto, wasn’t it?

Posted 9:56 AM by Gene

SUMNER's MTV Networks are the sort everyone watches but no one likes. Oh sure, they've got "popular" properties -- The Comedy Central News News Hour, the bad-taste gang from Joisey, vulgar cartoons -- but who really likes them...except advertisers? And with advertisers it's been a non-stop love affair, perhaps the most heated in media history. This button-down business hack was shrewd enough to position the networks as transgressive and marketable, and thus made them an inescapable nuisance. We do hope she has a tough time hugging herself from now on.

P. S. on 5/7/2011 at 7:19 p. m.

Sumner Redstone, the chairman of Viacom for whom McGrath toiled for about 26 years, couldn't be bothered to release a statement acknowledging her role in building the crown jewel of his media empire.

TRANSLATION: A SCHMUCKETTE justly honored by a SCHMUCK. (Pardon our Japanese.)

Posted 8:55 AM by Gene

The flashier the set, the worse the candidates.

Posted 8:21 AM by Gene

People have started evanescent PC protests. (We know they're PC because the ASSPress advertised them.) Look, we're of two minds: this clod shouldn't have said what he said; yet these same protesters will complain about the "objectification" of women, and part of that is their clothes, some of which can be unspeakable. (Bringing "provocatively dressed" men into the proceedings is a way of spinning it.) A little modesty in dress would not hurt.

Posted 8:16 AM by Gene

Arthur Laurents, co-creator of two giant musicals, but better known in recent years for the fact no one seems to have liked him, has died. People will forget the character flaws in the shadow of his two enduring monuments.

(Via AHTSJournal)

Posted 6:53 PM by Gene

After keeping interest rates near 0% for years, the amount of free debt flying around is exceptionally high. And rather than funelling the cash into job-creating businesses, traders have been using the money to buy commodities futures contracts while selling short the dollar.

This trade has done a marvelous job of driving up those prices well beyond what would make sense if prices were set solely on the basis of supply and demand for the commodity.

Not so hot today. Yoo-hoo! John STOS-sel! Where are your SPECULATOR friends now?

Posted 3:05 PM by Gene

A flop Broadway musical comes to Detroit! Weird.

Posted 2:50 PM by Gene

Ka-CHINGCHING! Avon calling!

Posted 11:33 AM by Gene

KATIE'S KILLING GENERAL HOSPITAL!!!!!

Haven't the soaps' fans suffered enough?

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 12:05 AM by Gene

Justice Department asks NCAA why it doesn't have football playoff

Hey Mr. Chief Social Engineer, don't you have better things to do with your time, like trying terrorists in civilian courts -- or covering up for your friends?

Posted 12:01 AM by Gene

No, it's not the same this time.

This time the Internet bubble's in CHINA.

Posted 9:16 PM by Gene

Always remember, gentlemen: Our audience's collective IQ wouldn't equal the last zero of my net worth!!!!!

-- William Randolph Hearst

Well, He never said that, but the way His heirs run His empire The Man Who Killed McKinley (all right, He didn't, but someone had a way with His words) might well have. Thus did His Empire's Houston Chronicle site run a home-page ad for the Maxim Hot 100, as did many other minimally-brained sites. Certainly it's the motto of Maxim's supposed editor Jackass Joe Levy, not that his employer's doing that well -- and not that his rag has any editing. In this annual advertorial the girls run in roughly five categories: 1. Girls who look like pr0n "stars" (a plurality*), 2. Girls who star in overrated TV series, 3. Girls who star in outstanding B-pictures (like, oh, Date Movie [IMDb.com reader rating 2.6]), 4. Girls we're tired of hearing about (you know their names), and 5. Girls who sole talent is standing three hours before a camera and sulking. A few surprising names were missing (for reasons other than beauty, no doubt), and a certain crying-jag of a no-talent isn't in here because she appeals to -- GAYS, and even the most efficient of press agents would be stumped to call her "beautiful". Of course these girls do nothing for us, and most of them won't last long enough in the business to do much for anyone else either. This listicle proves our...maxim that today's hot show-biz women are no different than any of half-a-million women you could pick from the street, and just like the names from Bill Buckley's Boston phone directory you'd do better.

Which is why we post that picture of Betty Grable, despite the egregious watermark. She was a woman, not a heavily made-up airhead.

Extra-Special Hearst Recommendation: When clicking through the pictures you find they're not tagged individually in History, which means to look for one photo you have to start from the beginning (i.e., Number 100). Someone at Maxim deserves an executive job at The High-Tech Squeeze Box!

Hey Joe? You game?

There was also a plug in SFGate.com. SYNERGY!

P. S. at 11:15 p. m. More proof no amount of idiot publicity, no amount of hard-selling, can make up for the real thing, in actors or actresses.

(Originally posted 3:07 p. m. There is NO WAY we let ANYTHING take precedence over THAT Helen-of-Troy face.)

*P. P. S. on 5/8/2011 at 9:05 p. m. This originally read "(the bulk)". On second look the problem isn't so much the girls but their poses; such is to be expected of minimally edited fan mags and photographers who couldn't stage a photo shoot if Edith Head were in the room with them. Posing sexy is not the same as allure. All these girls can pose sexy.

Posted 9:14 PM by Gene

Warner Bros. buying Rotten Tomatoes parent Flixster

Hey Jeff! Jeff BEW-kes! Let's fix the ratings for OUR properties!

Posted 8:58 PM by Gene

Well, now that we've started a tremendous bidding war for professional kollegiate football, how apt that a few of the indentured servants are protesting by engaging in illegal activity!

If our count is correct, this makes seven players currently believed to be suspended for Miami's season-opener against Maryland.

Jimmah Jooohnson would be proud!

[W]hile she lay in bed, Brown raped her, the woman told police, even though she told him to stop, the affidavit said. She couldn’t physically fight him off due to her intoxication and because the lineman, listed by UM as six feet three inches tall and weighing 295 pounds, was so much larger than her, police said.

We suggest two ounces of that weight resided in his head.

Posted 1:44 PM by Gene

When WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!! and HENRY HONEST run SCREAMING ALL-CAP HEDS, it means in some way it's a good thing.

Posted 1:36 PM by Gene

Terrorists may target Detroit, expert says

We could make a joke of this -- quite a few jokes -- but will instead leave it as is.

Posted 1:25 PM by Gene

What goes around....

Ashcroft tapped as ethics adviser at former Blackwater firm

Posted 1:22 PM by Gene

America leading press e-thi-CISTS are in a tizz because The One's minions staged a shot for the hacks, knowing full well -- as especially anyone employed by Poynter must -- that if you took staged news out of the business there'd be little beyond ads, which actually isn't such a bad idea.

Posted 11:49 AM by Gene

Libyan leaders face arrest on war crimes charges

Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Posted 11:39 AM by Gene

The definition of why most news stories aren't worth reading:

11:29a Consumer confidence gauge jumps on Bin Laden death

Posted 11:34 AM by Gene

We pay little mind to these secession stories because such movements are always led by cranks with very big mouths. That said, they do reveal a widespread desire to secede -- from America.

Posted 11:27 AM by Gene

200 Square Miles Of Missouri Farmland Are Underwater Until Fall After The Army Blew Up A Levy

1. Hey Sam! No wonder your brother's missing! 2. Now Timothy REALLY gets mad!

Posted 11:24 AM by Gene

Breaking News: Treasury says roughly $2 trln debt limit increase needed to keep govt. operating through 2012: sources [Reuters hed]

Hmmmm -- you think you might have any better ideas, Timothy?

Posted 11:03 AM by Gene

Speaking of schmooze, have news hacks been paying far too much attention to the Thinkers in the Situation Room because paying more attention gives them an in?

Posted 11:01 AM by Gene

Further speaking of gratitude, I suggest the news hacks take a one-day moratorium from plugging everything wonderful show-biz and report on topics that might get their readers upset for good reasons, but which they won't do because you can't schmooze reporting on the disgraceful treatment of the elderly in Florida's assisted-care facilities.

Posted 10:57 AM by Gene

Speaking of gratitude, this in full from THR:

Oscar-winning actress Rachel Weisz is in negotiations to play the villainess in Oz: The Great and Powerful, Disney’s prequel-ish take on The Wizard of Oz tale [SIC] that stars James Franco and Mila Kunis and is being directed by Sam Raimi.

The movie stars Franco as Oz, a snake oil salesman who finds himself dealing with real magic when his balloon carries him into a fabled land and he runs into genuine witches.

Weisz would play Evanora, a powerful, evil witch who intends to rule the land. She is the sister of Theadora (Kunis) and tries to seduce her to the dark side.

The role would be a change of pace for Weisz, who — despite an eclectic resume ranging from her Oscar-winning work in The Constant Gardener to Wong Kar Wai’s My Blueberry Nights to The Mummy — has never worked on a project of this scale and never tackled what is sure to be a splashy role.

She is repped by CAA.

The answer to her question is definitely "no."

Posted 10:55 AM by Gene

SUPERNIKKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Does America Owe Hollywood Its Gratitude???????????????????? [Grateful overemphasis added]

A commenter:

The answer to your question is “no.”

Posted 10:43 AM by Gene

“This will be a feast for K Street,” said one top aide.

Yes! Lower Corporate America's taxes so It can pay 80 quadrazillions more to Its CEOs for sending more jobs overseas. Perfect!

Posted 10:15 AM by Gene

REVENGE OF THE FORMERS:

Former West German Chancellor Helmut Schmidt told German TV the operation could have INCALCULABLE CONSEQUENCES in the Arab world at a time of unrest there.

"It was quite clearly a violation of international law," . [SIC!] [Incalculable overemphasis added]

1. Oh shut up, Helmut. You're a former for a reason. 2. Really! Germany has a long history of violating international law.

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

Hey! Who knew EDDIE, with his love of giving the store away to build hotels and convention centers, was MAYOR OF LA?

Posted 10:12 PM by Gene

Pundits offer predictions, yes, but more importantly, they offer you facts, context, and analysis. Their really important work is to help you make your own wrong predictions about the world.

Touché!

Posted 9:48 PM by Gene

Senate official: Wrong to link bin Laden, Geronimo

I'm SO glad the ASSPress had the spare time and resources to devote to this story that it didn't have to cover the several hundred stories of greater importance.

PILLLLLLLLLLLLLHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAD!!!!!

Posted 9:16 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: A huge bidding war's breaking out for professional kolledge football rights, meaning it's time to pay the indentured servants once and for all.

Posted 6:18 PM by Gene

JACK VALENTI II lobbies for the blue-collar man!

Just as Angie Mozilo did?

Posted 4:05 PM by Gene

Here's betting, for all the talk, we don't punish Pakistan when our intelligence chiefs say something.

Posted 1:51 PM by Gene

More genius in movees. Yes SUPERNIKKI!!!!!!!!!!, the box office DESERVES to go higher!!!!!

Posted 1:41 PM by Gene

Comedian Andy Dick arrested for public intoxication at Marie Callender's

We were about to say this would inspire more laughs than anything he's ever done, but we could say that for most comedians.

And why at a place named for frozen food?

P. S. We should have known; he's better at laughs offstage.

Posted 1:28 PM by Gene

GEE, THANKS, BEN!

Posted 11:17 AM by Gene

MOSSAD DEED EEET!!!!! MOSSAD CARRIED OUT 9/11!!!!!

Better save a few Navy SEALs for the Muslim Brotherhood, just in case.

(Via NRO)

Posted 11:12 AM by Gene

Some residents of this corner of Abbottabad say that Pakistani spooks rounded up witnesses and near neighbours, and perhaps those who have been too talkative to the press. Some witnesses who were chatty a few hours after Mr bin Laden was killed seem to be clamming up.

How much do we give Pakistan?

Posted 11:05 AM by Gene

There were campus rallies celebrating Osama's demise all across America, leading eggheads to speculate why. Enough, Ph.D.s: people were happy and needed no explanation.

Posted 10:37 AM by Gene

Pelley named ‘CBS Evening News’ anchor

ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....

Posted 10:33 AM by Gene

The fundamental progress at Sirius XM is undeniable. Its fourth-quarter operating margin widened from 13% to 18%. The cash balance jumped 53% to $587 million. But Sirius's quick ratio, a liquidity measure, remained poor at 0.3 and its debt-to-equity ratio, at more than 15, indicates excessive leverage. Risks abound.

Yet, Sirius continues to attract shareholders. Its stock, among the best-performing U.S. mid-caps of 2010, with a 173% return, is now expensive. Sirius trades at a forward-earnings multiple of 40 and a book-value multiple of 48, respective premiums of 59% and 1,160% to cable-and-satellite industry averages. For a company that hasn't yet demonstrated sustainable profitability, these premiums are a red flag. Sirius suffered an accumulated GAAP loss of $2.14 a share in 2008 and 15 cents in 2009. It broke even in fiscal 2010, but shareholders' equity climbed into positive territory as the float inched up 1.2%. During the fourth quarter, Sirius suffered an $81 million GAAP net loss.

THE WALL STREET CASINO STOCK OF THE YEAR!

(Also via I Want Media)

Posted 10:19 AM by Gene

WHY I LOVE CORPORATE AMERICA: It buys $242 billion in drug companies. So what's Pfizer doing now? BREAKING UP!

Posted 10:12 AM by Gene

George "NONPARTISAN" Soros now says SLIMEDOM is ILLEGAL.

TRANSLATION: 1. George is contributing more money. 2. SLIME IS above the law. 3. So is GEORGE.

(Via I Want Media)

Posted 10:06 AM by Gene

RUMBLERUMBLERUMBLE, MUTINYMUTINYMUTINY: At the Branson East Theme Park Awards, a statement of discontent: a long-shuttered theme park about racism got almost as many nominations as the theme park about making fun of Anyone But Muslims. This alone confirms we're in a cultural golden age.

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

That the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers continues to support THE DONALD reaffirms our belief that Corporate America doesn't care what It sponsors on television.

Posted 6:26 PM by Gene

His last evil act:

Bin Laden may have used wife as shield

P. S. on 5/3/2011 at 11:10 a. m. Probably wrong.

Posted 6:18 PM by Gene

We know how Americans play dumb to history, excusing their ignorance because learning is boring. We won't knock six-year-olds for not knowing who Osama was but we might knock them in adulthood for not caring.

Posted 6:16 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Many Arabs are silently hanging their heads in shame for backing another loser.

Posted 6:03 PM by Gene

The stupids in Pakistan are doing their part:

Inevitably conspiracy theories swirled, including an imaginative suggestion that Mr bin Laden was not killed in Abbottabad at all, but that Americans brought his corpse there from the mountains and then staged a gunfight in the dark in order to embarrass Pakistan’s leaders. Several residents of Abbottabad itself, not an area known for religious extremism said on Monday that they considered Mr bin Laden a “hero” but still did not believe that he had been living among them.

We should never write off any country, but we should regard Pakistan as highly for its cooperation in fighting terrorists as we do China for providing Americans jobs.

Posted 5:56 PM by Gene

The descendants of Ed Murrow I, who seem to have done a better job with the bin Laden story than most, are hinting the capture of his compound might not yield the vast intelligence riches everyone insists. This stands to reason; al Qaeda has no advantage in keeping its knowledge in one place. Regardless it is also hard to see how this is not a big hurt operationally.

P. S. on 5/3/2011 at 10:50 a.m. Wrong about the intelligence, as we half-suspected even as we typed this.

P. P. S. at 4:02 p. m. Perhaps our first thought wasn't so wrong after all. (Via TheAtlantic.com)

Posted 5:50 PM by Gene

Usually we do not comment on natural disasters because there is little worth saying beyond the obvious; but the southern twisters were no ordinary disaster, and now we have learned to our great dismay that five University of Alabama students were among the several hundreds of dead. The loss of life is bad enough, but the loss of young life is far worse. We pray that the survivors will find sense from this calamity, and the comfort in knowing somehow they'll meet up with their departed again.

Posted 11:11 AM by Gene

It goes without saying the soldiers Navy SEALs who pulled off this brave operation deserve undying credit. But one other man deserves credit too -- the CIA's director Mr. Panetta. He has shown rare ability, and his appointment to DOD is richly deserved.

Posted 11:08 AM by Gene

Also, the Pakistanis owe it to themselves to come clean on their role in the operation -- or in helping the scum hide. It serves no useful purpose veiling this in secrecy -- especially with the money we had to give Pakistan for supposedly rooting him out.

Posted 11:02 AM by Gene

One hopes The One has not soiled His re-elec -- the killing of Osama with PC. It sounds it. Why did this slime deserve respect? Alas, any burial ground would have become a shrine to somebody, even (or especially) a nuclear-waste dump.

As for those saying One is as good as reelected, I wonder. The whole thing does reek of anticlimax. My only excitement came this morning in grabbing heds.

Posted 10:50 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: GOD'S SERVANTS ARE SPREADING HOLY WORD THROUGH THE BUSINESS BIBLE!

Is it really in SLIME's best interest to act as a shill for an investment bank? And didn't the softballs lobbed at St. Warren prove that business news hacks are already sleeping comfortably with their sources, and for that reason deserve to be fully disbelieved?

(Via TINA!!!!!, who would believe it -- heck she'd use even better numbers)

Posted 10:42 AM by Gene

'Free Money' About to Cause Big Problem: Welch

Is this an elbow in the side of Very Littler Jeffy, hint hint?

(Via Seeking Alpha)

Posted 8:53 AM by Gene

Pakistan surprised bin Laden was hiding near Islamabad

DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....

(Via Twitter feed)

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

One:

"My fear is that Silicon Valley has become more like Hollywood," says Glenn Kelman, chief executive officer of online real estate brokerage Redfin, who has been a software executive for 20 years. "An entertainment-oriented, hit-driven business that doesn't fundamentally increase American competitiveness."

Two:

"It's clear that the new industry that is building around Internet advertising and these other services doesn't create that many jobs," says Christophe Lécuyer, a historian who has written numerous books about Silicon Valley's economic history. "The loss of manufacturing and design knowhow is truly worrisome."

THREE: WE DON'T NEED JOBS WITH THE WALL STREET CASINO HUMMING -- AND WITH SHOW-BIZ!

(Via AHTSJournal?!?)

Posted 12:59 AM by Gene

WE GOT HIM!!!!! WE GOT ELVIS!!!!!!!!!!

Now off to your 72 raisins!

But let us never sleep fighting the vermin.

Sorry to besmirch your name there, El, because we know you're The King, but we had to call him that all these years. No -- we got EVIL!!!!!!!!!!

Now where do we put the body? In an atomic-waste dump?

Figures the hacks have gotten started. No CW HALPERIN, this is an AMERICAN triumph, and for once our president did it RIGHT.

STRANGE: Silver had a huge dip today. Could the traders have known first?

And what do we do with the wives and sons? Are they co-conspirators? (Via news.com.au)

It will be interesting to discover who helped and protected him all these years.

Indeed!

This must be good news -- even CAIR approves!

(Various postings from post time to roughly 1:45 a. m.)

Posted 8:38 PM by Gene

John Tammany -- Tammy -- TAMNY's at it again, mourning the departure of a superduper has-been adman from these shores because the rich have to pay taxes.

Our loss is -- no loss.

Posted 7:46 PM by Gene

ALEX! Thank your boss for us for that PAY WALL!!!!!

(Via AHTSJournal, waxing nostalgic, and waning as it waxes)

Posted 6:48 PM by Gene

DONALD, save the stripper tease. We've already seen you NAKED.

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

If it's Sunday it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:

1. Starbucks Hits No. 3 Despite Limited Ad Spending

How to explain that one, Crainiacs? Oh, it's a BRAND, it's a CULT, it's a -- well though Starbucks is the NPR of coffee and annoying enough for that it's not the MICKEY D'S, which got its stellar rep largely through OVERADVERTISING.

2. The Crainiacs let out a mournful howl because they've concocted a number that suggests the NFL's disappearance would mean the end of capitalism as we know it. Given some capitalists (like, say, BEN) the prospect is alluring, and though lots of stadium janitors will lose their work that won't be as telling as the "screams" from the CORNER OFFICES of idiot CEOs losing a few of their constitutionally-protected PERKS.

We root for this strike much as we rooted for the writers', keeping in mind that the latter didn't prevent the ad fiefdoms from wasting money on Hollywood schmoozing.

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

Speaking of publicity stunts, we recall the scene early on in that engaging political novel The Last Hurrah where Mayor Skeffington gives a key to the city to some pop musician named Fats. In an unguarded private moment with his newfound friend a smart young newspaper cartoonist the Mayor sighs how they used to give such things to Gertrude Ederles.

Ehdyukayshun reforrm is a constant disaster because a prime motivator is to create speeches and press releases for corrupt politicians. Mayor Skeffington probably never had the time to congratulate a principal except as a quid pro quo. He didn't need the false publicity because everyone knew who ran the system. Today with the system in tatters louts like EDDIE! and SEN. RED-LIGHT and buffoons like the supposedly vindicated DUBYA RUSH to the cameras to proclaim the power of the latest ehdyukayshun elixir in the form of higher test scores. They do so because they are profoundly credulous and truly believe that creating Dilberts creates prosperity; they also do so thinking that selling miracle makers like so much soap creates miracles. The test-score house of cards has collapsed in seeming proportion to the praise heaped upon score-boosting ehdyukaytors, showing them charlatans -- in the least.

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

Dance marathons and flagpole sitting exhibitions were typical twenties publicity stunts that seem now almost total in their lack of guile (despite the physical horror and sleazy organizers of the former). Though nominally descended from such affairs this mass equivalent of teasing a child is at best a kind of Beckist or Palinesque populist brain cramp; at worst it's a cynical stunt for making money. We can imagine the organizer jumping on his desk with glee on May 22 at the millions he's raised that he can now use for God-knows-what. That SUMNER and CHEAP CHANNEL are in on the gag alone inspires cynicism. It makes dancing after forty-eight hours look mentally healthy. Hey guy! Why not an End-of-the-World Dance Marathon -- with hundreds sitting on flagpoles to proclaim the magic hour?

Posted 1:13 PM by Gene

THE 2011 BOX OFFICE SLUMP IS NOW OFFICIALLY HISTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Officially historic overemphasis added]

So let's make very ancient history of the notion SUPERNIKKI!!!!!!!!!! is fearless. She may be in her essence one of the most fearful hacks on the planet -- knowing Hollywood is the seat of all virtue and its moguls are Gods, but afraid to say so outright for fear of laughter, so she pretends anger, an anger that too often morphs into uncontrolled hyperbole. One thing that must not become history: that SUPERNIKKI!!!!!!!!!! is perhaps the most overrated news hack of her generation -- a title for which there is deep and obsessive competition.

Posted 1:09 PM by Gene

And to compound the irritation a colleague of Jim "MURROW!" Fallow suggests ways to improve presidential-campaign news coverage -- namely, by uttering more platitudes urging presidential-campaign news coverage be improved.

Especially early on, it would be nice if journalists gave weight to viability metrics other than name recognition, fund-raising capacity, and public opinion polls (all of which are often closely related). Corporations always leave open the possibility that the product of the future is something presently unknown to the masses. What if The New York Times, The Huffington Post and National Review all convened small focus groups open only to relatively unknown candidates? Small gatherings of informed voters could evaluate candidates up close, weighing their relevant experience and hearing their takes on the issues in intense sessions that might reveal individuals worthy of wider attention.

TRANSLATION: More finely-honed guesswork. SHUT UP, CONOR!

Posted 1:07 PM by Gene

To be in the spotlight onstage parroting shareholder softballs with the business world’s No. 1 superstar apparently offsets the surrender of journalistic independence in pursuit of elusive access and the exclusive sitdown.

Will people stop talking of news hacks as though they can ever be moral? All that concerns these idiots are their collective millions, and with their lying down and dying on the job they're setting up the next crash -- which can't come soon enough.

Posted 11:41 AM by Gene

Just what America needs: a president for China.