THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Saturday, April 10, 2004
THE NEW INTOLERANT PURITANISM CLAIMS ANOTHER VICTIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's ALWAYS the Internet. (And the img src function.)
There's ALWAYS the Internet. (And the img src function.)
Cog of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL (roll the eyes), an ordinary Joe named Fred Olivi who co-piloted the bomber that a-bombed Nagasaki in '45 is dead. "While thousands died, I feel sure the bomb had to be dropped because if the Americans had been forced to invade Japan, it would have been a bloodbath,'' he said. The Japanese surrendered shortly thereafter. He didn't like the Smithsonian's oh-so-PC Enola Gay exhibit. He was right to be ticked. It was the effete snobs versus the little guys, and little guys won the war. Sorry NEWS HACKS, since our founding our fighting men have been 99% RIGHT. May he RIP.
It is impossible to read a story like this without hearing the GAGGING and RETCHING in America's luxury news suites. My contempt for this business grows ever stronger.
It is impossible to read a story like this without hearing the GAGGING and RETCHING in America's luxury news suites. My contempt for this business grows ever stronger.
GOOGLEBLOGGER'S HICCUPING AGAIN!!!!!
And speaking of golf, after Arnie's well-deserved endless standing O yesterday, you stop and think, what if Vijay won the Good-Ol'-Boys-with-an-Attitude tournament again? He'd get ten seconds of polite applause. Most of the best players in all sports have that extra zing. Think the Babe, think MJ (on the court ONLY). Golf seems to be churning out excellent ciphers. This is something for the Lords of the Game to consider though they delude themselves into believing Tiger will always draw an audience.
Here's where golf is exciting: on Saturday, when all the leaders are in the clubhouse and the ones left on the course are guys who've doubled and tripled their way out of contention.
It's even more exciting when it happens on Sunday.
It's even more exciting when it happens on Sunday.
Bush Catches Bass With Crew From TV Show
The NEWS HACKS will use this as EXHIBIT A that Dubya's so disengaged it's an IMPEACHABLE OFFENSE. He MUST take charge of matters. But does he have the stuff to take charge?
The NEWS HACKS will use this as EXHIBIT A that Dubya's so disengaged it's an IMPEACHABLE OFFENSE. He MUST take charge of matters. But does he have the stuff to take charge?
And speaking of the TIMES, WHY I HATE NEWS HACKS, REASON NO. 45,285,274:
Another executive said that he had passed on it because so much of the drama had already played itself out on television recently.
THIS IN THE THIRTEENTH GRAF OF A SIXTEEN-GRAF STORY. I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!!!!!!
Another executive said that he had passed on it because so much of the drama had already played itself out on television recently.
THIS IN THE THIRTEENTH GRAF OF A SIXTEEN-GRAF STORY. I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!!!!!!
"It'll be different," he said, "but it could be better."
It WILL be better without YOU, Mr. IMMORTAL JACK.
NEWS HACKS seem to be entering a STATE OF MOURNING over DR. EVIL'S DEPARTURE. Back-scratchers like this merely extend the corrupt Beltway after-hours soirees to the news pages. I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!
It WILL be better without YOU, Mr. IMMORTAL JACK.
NEWS HACKS seem to be entering a STATE OF MOURNING over DR. EVIL'S DEPARTURE. Back-scratchers like this merely extend the corrupt Beltway after-hours soirees to the news pages. I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!
The IDIOTS at BLUNDER.COM changed the HEADING of Howard Fineman's BLAH in which "a bureaucrat" did a "MEDIOCRE PERFORMANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" at her hearing. These guys may think they can lie on the fly, but we remember, and we will long remember this essential dishonesty.
The REUT tries to get the people rebuilding Iraq to pull out. They won't pull out if they have brains.
Here's another example of the asymmetrical warfare waged by terrorists, thugs and NEWS HACKS.
Here's another example of the asymmetrical warfare waged by terrorists, thugs and NEWS HACKS.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooh, the crown prince of Spain got mad because some baggage screeners insisted on screening his baggage!
That's what you get for playing CHICKEN.
That's what you get for playing CHICKEN.
Dubya must realize NEWS HACKS will have it in for him whatever he does and so he must say SOMETHING.
My favorite source: "a Republican strategist close to the Bush team who demanded anonymity as a condition of speaking freely about the administration." We REALLY should trust you guys, right Lenny?
My favorite source: "a Republican strategist close to the Bush team who demanded anonymity as a condition of speaking freely about the administration." We REALLY should trust you guys, right Lenny?
Saudi Arabia Detains 51,811 at Borders in One Month
Wow! I'd say either people want in, or they want out. What's the difference?
Wow! I'd say either people want in, or they want out. What's the difference?
"You don't want in fact, or to appear, to be seizing on a very tragic circumstance for political gain."
Aw, go ahead, Dip -- DO IT! The folks who run your campaign in the press'll call you LINCOLN. (Pardon. FDR. LINCOLN was a REPUBLICAN.)
Aw, go ahead, Dip -- DO IT! The folks who run your campaign in the press'll call you LINCOLN. (Pardon. FDR. LINCOLN was a REPUBLICAN.)
Friday, April 09, 2004
And speaking of ST. WARREN, he's been caught trafficking with -- THE DEVIL OF CONFLICTING INTERESTS!
When TV ad-blurb copywriters anguish over how TV can improve, they usually haven't a clue. Perhaps -- and this the Robert Biancos may not want to admit -- the medium has grown beyond salvaging.
TAKE YOUR MEDS, STERNO! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL MORAL JIHADISTS ARE RUNNING AMOK IN AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
These well-paid morons figured there's no way of people knowing if this was intentionally unintentional. Unfortunately they forgot (as did Opie and Anthony) that people tend to be HUMAN. And with LOWSY MAYS cowering under his superexpensive desk such intentionally unintentional stunts may not work anymore. AND IT'S LOWSY'S FAULT FOR LETTING THEM GO UNPUNISHED FOR SO LONG.
These well-paid morons figured there's no way of people knowing if this was intentionally unintentional. Unfortunately they forgot (as did Opie and Anthony) that people tend to be HUMAN. And with LOWSY MAYS cowering under his superexpensive desk such intentionally unintentional stunts may not work anymore. AND IT'S LOWSY'S FAULT FOR LETTING THEM GO UNPUNISHED FOR SO LONG.
Another thing knee-jerk FREE ENTERPRISE conservatives never fail to tell us is that INSIDER TRADING IS NOT A CRIME. Compared to other corporate crimes it's low in malevolency. But it does tilt the tables, and often the way businesspoops tilt the tables is malevolent.
"The reward for being No. 1 is we're stuck in traffic."
But isn't that what's so great about PROGRESS?
But isn't that what's so great about PROGRESS?
The woods are CRAWLING with SYCOPHANTS ready to turn the most corrupt businessmen into HEROES.
Couldn't you have run something else for Good Friday, Little Malcolm? Like pictures of the Easter egg collection you were forced to give up?
P. S. Forbes first alerted me to LOWSY MAYS with some typeset fellatio that repeated lock, stock, and dealer prep LOWSY's line about how he SOLLD MOHR COHRS THAHYN EANY UTHER DEA -- RAAAADIO CHAIN EIYN AMEHYRICA. Thank you, Little Malcolm, for introducing us to such a GREAT MAN.
Couldn't you have run something else for Good Friday, Little Malcolm? Like pictures of the Easter egg collection you were forced to give up?
P. S. Forbes first alerted me to LOWSY MAYS with some typeset fellatio that repeated lock, stock, and dealer prep LOWSY's line about how he SOLLD MOHR COHRS THAHYN EANY UTHER DEA -- RAAAADIO CHAIN EIYN AMEHYRICA. Thank you, Little Malcolm, for introducing us to such a GREAT MAN.
Another one of those Forbes.com quotes:
"Never fret for an only son, the idea of failure will never occur to him."
-G.B. Shaw
Now we know why so many of our betters are insufferable.
By the way, was that punctuation G. B.'s or Forbes's?
"Never fret for an only son, the idea of failure will never occur to him."
-G.B. Shaw
Now we know why so many of our betters are insufferable.
By the way, was that punctuation G. B.'s or Forbes's?
OHoh, already the Tigers' fans are prepping for a riot.
And I know it's true because Mitch "Conversations with Myself and My Mutual Funds" Albom says it.
And I know it's true because Mitch "Conversations with Myself and My Mutual Funds" Albom says it.
I'm not sure what the point of this stunt was, except I've a hunch in the nude the lady looks worse.
The GLIBERTARIAN WORLD is in a state of collapse after THE GREATEST INJUSTICE EVER KNOWN TO MAN. Yes Ashcroft and the SOCIAL CONSERVATIVES can be scolds (although because his name is often followed by the adjective "Christian" it sets off the Glibs into talk of police state and ayatollahs and blahblahblah, not exactly TOLERANCE). And I really don't want to repeat my contempt for GENERAL JR. and CHEAP CHANNEL and LOWSY MAYS AGAIN. But honestly, idiots, I think we can do without so many "sex and fart jokes" on the air. And as THE MOGUL'S FRIEND (no enemy of show biz) said, you turn off one shock jock only to turn on another. And whether you like it or nor kids are among the target audience. Glibs, most people don't like it. Accept the will of the people and GROW UP.
Thursday, April 08, 2004
To think this church lay buried and undisturbed for over 1,100 years. And archeologists have restored it. A miracle.
Google has restored a good many listings and caches of my site, plus I've got the "similar-to" listings back as well. Now can we keep it that way?
Figures: ROMENESKO FINDS THE NEXT GLIBERAL!
JOHN DOYLE! COME ON DOWN! They could use YOUR imitations of a stroke in the Times newsroom!
JOHN DOYLE! COME ON DOWN! They could use YOUR imitations of a stroke in the Times newsroom!
Human Resource departments frown on using the “F” word when terminating an employee, and many managers shy away from it — because they’re afraid of conflict and lawsuits.
Translation: Reality TV, especially in the form of THE DONALD, proves just another kind of fiction.
Translation: Reality TV, especially in the form of THE DONALD, proves just another kind of fiction.
More news to make knee-jerk FREE ENTERPRISE conservatives mad:
Energy company, workers accused of driving up prices
The problem with these indictments is that such manipulations tread a fine line between the legal and the illegal, and the government prosecutions often smack of getback. That said, REPUBLICANS and CONSERVATIVES have this THING about businesspoops gouging customers; they'll call it by a million names, but in the end, gouging is still gouging.
Energy company, workers accused of driving up prices
The problem with these indictments is that such manipulations tread a fine line between the legal and the illegal, and the government prosecutions often smack of getback. That said, REPUBLICANS and CONSERVATIVES have this THING about businesspoops gouging customers; they'll call it by a million names, but in the end, gouging is still gouging.
Another P-Ulitzer winner:
Emulating Duke Ellington, [Wynton Marsalis] wrote vast symphonic works. The biggest, Blood on the Fields, won a Pulitzer (the first jazz work to do so), but bored everyone who squirmed through it. (At Avery Fisher Hall in New York, where I saw it, half the crowd left at intermission.)
Emulating Duke Ellington, [Wynton Marsalis] wrote vast symphonic works. The biggest, Blood on the Fields, won a Pulitzer (the first jazz work to do so), but bored everyone who squirmed through it. (At Avery Fisher Hall in New York, where I saw it, half the crowd left at intermission.)
Surprise, surprise, the record biz tries inflating its sales figures. And it doesn't even work; the numbers may change (and that's doubtful), but the MUSIC always stays the same.
THANK YOU, Sen. Daschle. At least YOU'RE not on the S-LIST.
But then, you are on the RE-ELECTION list.
But then, you are on the RE-ELECTION list.
TWX moves content behind the wall, TWX moves content in front of the wall.
I wouldn't want to be near THAT wall in a hurricane.
I wouldn't want to be near THAT wall in a hurricane.
I haven't been to STERNO's site in two weeks. Let's see what he's thinking as the Democratic Party & Co. try to elect a president in IRAQ:
THE DAILY STERN....
Still no signs of life.
THE DAILY STERN....
Still no signs of life.
The P-Ulitzer-sated LALATimes cries VIETNAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"We're losing control of the situation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" whoops Sandy "Whata" Berger with glee. (So does the BUTTMAN Institute -- but its foreign policy seems limited to papers on how we can speed up exporting jobs so CEOs can make more.) News hacks haven't been so happy since the LALA riots. This is why we are not served by a one-party press -- AND AWOL BLOGGERS.
"We're losing control of the situation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" whoops Sandy "Whata" Berger with glee. (So does the BUTTMAN Institute -- but its foreign policy seems limited to papers on how we can speed up exporting jobs so CEOs can make more.) News hacks haven't been so happy since the LALA riots. This is why we are not served by a one-party press -- AND AWOL BLOGGERS.
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
A never-ending frustration to me: Google News and Yahoo! News cite stories as from "2 hours ago" when they might be two days old. I wish there were a way of dating first links on each story so bloggers wouldn't have to comment on stale news.
NOTE TO MY THREE POOR SURFERS: I reserve the right to make spelling and grammatical changes in any entry. Just now I noticed that in an entry from yesterday I spelled "leach" "leech." I further reserve the right to correct errors of fact. One thing I promise not to correct, however, is errors of me.
Here is a time when we are NOT served well by the sieg-heil monopoly of the news biz. NEWS HACKS clearly want us to fail in Iraq so they can ELECT A DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENT WHO'LL PROTECT THEIR GREEDY BUSINESS INTERESTS AND MOLDY STATUS-QUO CULTURAL PREJUDICES. The problem is THERE IS NO CREDIBLE BIG-NAME NEWS ORGANIZATION WITH A CONSERVATIVE TILT. (And YES, I DEFINITELY include RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, a despicable panem-et-circenses man if ever there was one.) And we certainly can't rely on BIG-NAME BLOGGERS for reasons like PROF'S DISAPPEARANCE and the fact that much of their work involves REWRITING NEWS HACKS AND SPREADING RUMORS. WHAT CAN WE DO?
And speaking of TENNESSEAN, THE WORLD'S GREATEST BLOGGER should be commenting on this! Instead, he's been DOWN FOR TEN HOURS! WHATSOEVER SHALL THE WORLD OF BLOGGING DO?!?!?
Here is an exceptionally upsetting story:
Man charged with fatally kicking dog like a football
SUMNER and his minions have made untold gazillions with "humor" like this, and I am angry at this total jerk -- and at SUMNER, who no doubt provided some of the hilarity that inspired this total JERK.
P. S. In a world without NEWS HACKS, this wouldn't be noticed, but I hear that "CAREFULLY TAUGHT" crowd about to drum it into our dear little ears for DAYS: the dog's owners were black. THE CRETIN WAS WHITE. THIS ISN'T ABOUT RACE, YOU SEVEN-DIGIT TYPING MANIACS, IT'S ABOUT CRUELTY TO ANIMALS.
Man charged with fatally kicking dog like a football
SUMNER and his minions have made untold gazillions with "humor" like this, and I am angry at this total jerk -- and at SUMNER, who no doubt provided some of the hilarity that inspired this total JERK.
P. S. In a world without NEWS HACKS, this wouldn't be noticed, but I hear that "CAREFULLY TAUGHT" crowd about to drum it into our dear little ears for DAYS: the dog's owners were black. THE CRETIN WAS WHITE. THIS ISN'T ABOUT RACE, YOU SEVEN-DIGIT TYPING MANIACS, IT'S ABOUT CRUELTY TO ANIMALS.
Secretary Evans Compares Kerry to Jimmy 'Malaise' Carter
That means he'll be AMERICA'S NEXT GREATEST EX-PRESIDENT!
That means he'll be AMERICA'S NEXT GREATEST EX-PRESIDENT!
One's first inclination is to think this just another cheesy move like eliminating in-flight meals, but it's a wonder the whole airline industry doesn't get rid of paper tickets. I'm sure the hard-core bonus-mileage crowd thinks them a nuisance and not even necessary. I would not be unhappy if we got rid of currency; I do most of my grocery shopping by credit card anyway.
Reut's going to charge for business-news content. That sound you hear is a barn door closing. Reuters is only eighth among the business-news sites, and such reporting has grown so generic (and bad) no one has a competitive edge; not even the nose-in-the-air Wall Street Journals, which may rope off content but can't rope in subscribers. Practically speaking this means we get no Lollipop Lou-style interviews, which CNN does better anyway. Thankfully Reut has no plans to charge us for reading about GUERILLAS and MILITANTS.
Wow!!!!! Dip's gonna HOLD THE LINE ON SPENDING!!!!!
Within the rate of inflation.
I hear the IFs, ANDs and BUTS marching in a LONG parade....
Within the rate of inflation.
I hear the IFs, ANDs and BUTS marching in a LONG parade....
MORE FREE-ENTERPRISE TYPES PRACTICING SHAKE-DOWN SOCIALISM.
YES yes yes, the company's in Chapter XI, but I don't care; the business frauds' favorite philosopher is Karl Marx. "FROM EACH ACCORDING TO HIS ABILITY, TO EACH ACCORDING TO HIS NEED."
YES yes yes, the company's in Chapter XI, but I don't care; the business frauds' favorite philosopher is Karl Marx. "FROM EACH ACCORDING TO HIS ABILITY, TO EACH ACCORDING TO HIS NEED."
IRAQ IS FALLING APART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And this MUST be true because a con-SER-vative columnist is saying it!
And this MUST be true because a con-SER-vative columnist is saying it!
ONE OF THE GREAT CALAMITIES IN HUMAN HISTORY!!!!! THE CITIZENS OF INGLEWOOD TURNED DOWN A WAL-MART!!!!!
NATIONAL REVIEW MUST DO A SECOND COVER STORY CONDEMNING THIS COMMUNIST INFILTRATION!!!!!!!!!!
NATIONAL REVIEW MUST DO A SECOND COVER STORY CONDEMNING THIS COMMUNIST INFILTRATION!!!!!!!!!!
The same INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY that is SCREAMING that we turn Iraq over to super-Islamists because of OUR UNJUST WAR kept the most DEAFENING SILENCE during the Rwandan genocide. We need not wonder why the Rwandans are "bewildered and angry."
And no, MR. SECRETARY-GENERAL NOBEL, PLATITUDES DON'T HELP.
P. S. "Richard Clarke, then a top National Security Council aide, was the loudest voice against intervention - at one point complaining to Madeline Albright that the evacuation of U.N. troops was proceeding too slowly." (Caveat: This IS THE NEW YORK POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
And no, MR. SECRETARY-GENERAL NOBEL, PLATITUDES DON'T HELP.
P. S. "Richard Clarke, then a top National Security Council aide, was the loudest voice against intervention - at one point complaining to Madeline Albright that the evacuation of U.N. troops was proceeding too slowly." (Caveat: This IS THE NEW YORK POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Here's the next quack nostrum that must come under attack: re-educa...er, sensitivity training.
Note the defendant: CONcast. Here in the proverbial nutshell is why business is corrupt -- a company that's ultra-PC in its HR practices while out-Larrying Kudlow shaking down ratepayers (the ESPNCorp deal) and taxpayers (its proposed Taj Mahal HQ in Philly) . This tyranny should stick its coaxial tail between its legs.
Note the defendant: CONcast. Here in the proverbial nutshell is why business is corrupt -- a company that's ultra-PC in its HR practices while out-Larrying Kudlow shaking down ratepayers (the ESPNCorp deal) and taxpayers (its proposed Taj Mahal HQ in Philly) . This tyranny should stick its coaxial tail between its legs.
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
lgf: sunbathing in the van allen belt
After ZEYAD have you thought of doing that?
After ZEYAD have you thought of doing that?
JOKE OF THE DAY: I got a PLEA from TWX Internet Service BEGGING ME to RETURN. Whom are they kidding? This marketing's so low-IQ it's off the bell curve. Switching back to AOL from DSL would be like abandoning a car for a horseless buggy (and I mean HORSEless), and I don't care if People is "solidly reported." (NEWS HACKS have said the same thing about USA OKAY, and it's true because most of the stories read like CEMENT BLOCKS.) And if I piggyback I'm wasting $15 a month on BLOATWARE that'll probably hiccup my connection. At least in the old days the outfit handed out reusable floppies; now it's CDs, ZILLIONS of CDs, which travel to mass graves in landfills and leach chemicals. PLUS mine came in a big wasteful BOX whose birth helped kill a few trees. NO THANK YOU, KING RICHARD, YOU GOT YOUR BONUS.
One other thing, KNEE-JERK FREE-ENTERPRISE CONSERVATIVES: the PEOPLE should get to decide where Wal-Mart locates. The pluses outweigh the minuses, but even David Brooks has noticed the minuses, and they're real. LET THE PEOPLE DECIDE.
''It meant a lot to him to be a defender of his country, but also the defender of the right of the Iraqi people to choose their government and how they want to live.''
And contrary to what BIGMEDIA says, it means a lot to US too.
And contrary to what BIGMEDIA says, it means a lot to US too.
"The story of the house that doesn't burn down is not much of a story in the news. The story of the house that does burn down is news."
This is very true, Amb. Bremer, but the house that burns down makes a lot of smoke, which wafts all over newspapers and TV, and which can fog a lot of minds.
This is very true, Amb. Bremer, but the house that burns down makes a lot of smoke, which wafts all over newspapers and TV, and which can fog a lot of minds.
ANDY S., fresh from his TRIUMPH with ZEYAD, links to Jonah's review of some egghead's book, the kind of easily refutable (or ignorable or burnable) straw-man twaddle that gets little read but much talked about because THE PUNDITS MUST GATHER THE FORCES. It's tiresome to know what you think and always have the PUNDITS remind you.
Workers asked to train foreign replacements
I see Republicans smirking.
On the other side, I see big labor demagoguing.
I see Republicans smirking.
On the other side, I see big labor demagoguing.
I remember when the Times (in one of those headlines con-SER-vatives love to make raucous fun of) blamed Crest Whitening Strips for bleaching country music. But it was true: with CHEAP CHANNEL running so many country stations and LOWSY being a wholly-owned subsidiary of P&G, NO WAY would he play the rich-red-meat songs that are such a GREAT part of country.
If LOWSY and P&G keep it up country songwriters may have to stop brushing their teeth.
If LOWSY and P&G keep it up country songwriters may have to stop brushing their teeth.
L'Affaire Zeyad seems not to have knocked down the self-estimation of THE BIG FOUR one iota. If anything it's probably convinced them they are more INDISPENSABLE than ever; they now know they can pass off any rumor at a moment's notice and "EVERYBODY" WILL BELIEVE THEM. But it is only time before some INDISPENSABLE blogger goes from distributing a mere flatulent error by the millions to causing an instacalamity, and then who will THE BOYS blame it on? NANOTECHNOLOGY HATERS? YASSIR? THE FCC? HOMOPHOBES? Everyone, of course, but THEMSELVES.
These bozos are lucky LITTLE HOWIE KURTZ doesn't know what a computer is.
THE IPOs proceed apace.
These bozos are lucky LITTLE HOWIE KURTZ doesn't know what a computer is.
THE IPOs proceed apace.
Monday, April 05, 2004
"D'oh."
little has not corrected himself, and probably never will.
ANDY S. AND STERNO GOT SNOOKERED TOO. I am ANGRY and intend to write more about this FIASCO tomorrow.
little has not corrected himself, and probably never will.
ANDY S. AND STERNO GOT SNOOKERED TOO. I am ANGRY and intend to write more about this FIASCO tomorrow.
Speaking of which, THE WORLD WAS MADE WHOLE AGAIN TODAY.
One way to judge the NOB -- the P-Ulitzers is by the arts awards. This year's bunch means nothing to me (although the nonfiction winners are surely competent enough), just as the rest of the awards mean nothing to me, except that TRIB played big and fast and won politicking. And rather than mention MR. DURANTY again, I'll say this: when the archival wheeze Of Thee I Sing became the first musical to win the P-Ulitzer, guess who didn't win? The man who wrote the music for its gorgeous score -- the only thing about it worth awarding! (Ira's lyrics excepted.)
One way to judge the NOB -- the P-Ulitzers is by the arts awards. This year's bunch means nothing to me (although the nonfiction winners are surely competent enough), just as the rest of the awards mean nothing to me, except that TRIB played big and fast and won politicking. And rather than mention MR. DURANTY again, I'll say this: when the archival wheeze Of Thee I Sing became the first musical to win the P-Ulitzer, guess who didn't win? The man who wrote the music for its gorgeous score -- the only thing about it worth awarding! (Ira's lyrics excepted.)
Given the number of stories you've missed (I'm thinking of the ROBERTS-BARONS' takeover of the universe, which you have YET to MENTION) and your many false alarms (remember when HILLARY RAN FOR PRESIDENT? or DIPPITY-DO's BIMBO ERUPTION?) I'd advise a little patience. Just because somebody's typing in a blackout to sounds of boom does NOT make it news.
But who needs patience when you get 18 BILLION QUINTAZILLION HITS A MICROSECOND?
And need I say my confidence doesn't go WAY UP when the man who screamed ARAFAT SERAIT MORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! acts as your megaphone? And I know what else is happening: thanks to you and lgf this story is going around in a VAST CIRCULAR REFERENCE with NO MEANS OF CONFIRMATION. IF THIS IS WHAT THE BRAVE NEW WORLD OF NEWS BY BLOG IS I'LL STICK WITH NEWS HACKS.
But who needs patience when you get 18 BILLION QUINTAZILLION HITS A MICROSECOND?
And need I say my confidence doesn't go WAY UP when the man who screamed ARAFAT SERAIT MORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! acts as your megaphone? And I know what else is happening: thanks to you and lgf this story is going around in a VAST CIRCULAR REFERENCE with NO MEANS OF CONFIRMATION. IF THIS IS WHAT THE BRAVE NEW WORLD OF NEWS BY BLOG IS I'LL STICK WITH NEWS HACKS.
More genius from Manhattan's Tower of BABBLE: A. O. with B. O. likens Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet to Grant and Hepburn and cites a PERFESSER (and Kinsley.com) in doing so.
Who said you ever LEFT, Howell?
Who said you ever LEFT, Howell?
Candidate list for UT president narrowed to 16
YOU aren't on the LIST, PROF?
You'd be good at admissions and fundraising.
YOU aren't on the LIST, PROF?
You'd be good at admissions and fundraising.
Heart attack rate dives after public smoking ban
More BAD news for knee-jerk FREE-ENTERPRISE conservatives!
More BAD news for knee-jerk FREE-ENTERPRISE conservatives!
France Questions 13 in Raids Over Casablanca Bombs
Round up all the usual suspects.
(And make sure to release them when it's politically convenient.)
Round up all the usual suspects.
(And make sure to release them when it's politically convenient.)
Inventor of telephone answering machine dies at 92
I know this story could inspire jokes -- MANY jokes -- but as the dead can't defend themselves, I say merely, let him RIP.
I know this story could inspire jokes -- MANY jokes -- but as the dead can't defend themselves, I say merely, let him RIP.
You know, Little Malcolm, you knee-jerk FREE-ENTERPRISE types can carry your cost-benefit analyses just a LITTLE too far. I mean, you're always so fond of saying if we didn't limit smoking, lots of GEEZERS would die off sooner, meaning we'd spend less on Social Security and health care, and...
Somehow the word "screw" comes to mind more than once here -- combined in the present instance with "you."
Somehow the word "screw" comes to mind more than once here -- combined in the present instance with "you."
...a small body of music that changed the course of rock history blahblahblah....
Someone agrees. Sort of.
Someone agrees. Sort of.
AARP mag editors don't like "senior citizen," "boomer" terms [Romenesko link]
Okay, how about "geezer" and "whining self-obsessed crybabies with too much money to spend?" How about THAT?
Although the first one's rather wordy.
Okay, how about "geezer" and "whining self-obsessed crybabies with too much money to spend?" How about THAT?
Although the first one's rather wordy.
The day after ESPNCorp synergist George "MY BUSINESS IS MY BUSINESS" Will thoughtfully proclaims baseball BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and ZELIG EINSTEIN, why, if his fellow synergists don't put GEORGE -- STEINBRENNER -- ON TRIAL. THIS IS AN INJUSTICE!
What is going on at NR? Just as MONSIGNOR LAPIN and his fellow lunatic fringe were put back into their holding cell after their nervous breakdown over you-know-who, now comes ANOTHER bunch of psychos from out of the Buttman-Dow 36,000-KUDLOW ward proclaiming PEOPLE WHO HATE WAL-MART ARE COMMIES! Did P. R. MEL put CRAZY JUICE in your drinking fountains? Or does BILL "ROLL OVER BEETHOVEN" BUCKLEY give you champagne in perpetuity?
A DOUBLE WHAMMY: I was about to link to this "story":
Who got whacked this week on 'The Sopranos'
...and ask, what important stories got whacked off the MESS'S home page so that we could learn who got whacked on some overrated TV show?, and when I was about to copy the link, BILL pops up with an ERROR MESSAGE saying he had to CLOSE DOWN MY IE WINDOW! DOUBLE IDIOTS!!
Who got whacked this week on 'The Sopranos'
...and ask, what important stories got whacked off the MESS'S home page so that we could learn who got whacked on some overrated TV show?, and when I was about to copy the link, BILL pops up with an ERROR MESSAGE saying he had to CLOSE DOWN MY IE WINDOW! DOUBLE IDIOTS!!
And speaking of MR. CHEESE, I smell NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! trying to inspire another MUTINY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Look, whether you like it or not, the President is also the Commander-in-Chief -- and that sort of thing used to trump politics. If we get soldiers believing they should only obey orders from a member of one party that's an open invitation to tyranny, and a banana-republic government.
Look, whether you like it or not, the President is also the Commander-in-Chief -- and that sort of thing used to trump politics. If we get soldiers believing they should only obey orders from a member of one party that's an open invitation to tyranny, and a banana-republic government.
Fire Guts Clinton's Boyhood Home
I SMELL THE VAST RIGHT-WING CONSPIRACY -- AND CARL LIMBURGER STRUCK THE MATCH!
He'd smell anyway.
I SMELL THE VAST RIGHT-WING CONSPIRACY -- AND CARL LIMBURGER STRUCK THE MATCH!
He'd smell anyway.
And now I am starting to think the unthinkable: that the time may be approaching for the great John Simon, now in his late seventies, to retire. When Larry Gelbart's immortal masterpiece opened in '76 he gave it a scathing review in The New Leader -- with George C. Scott. Now he calls it funny (sort of). Have the intervening years made the work better -- or merely drained Mr. Simon's bile? It is bad enough when a conventional ad-blurbist deposits his adjectives on the printed page; it is another thing with Mr. Simon, who has written some of the most trenchant theater and film reviews, but seems seldom to do so now.
New York's movie ad-blurbist may be entering David "The Devil and the Dow and Miss Jones Made Me Do It!" Denby territory -- that is, off the deep end.
But then a lot of the copywriters wound up there LONG ago.
But then a lot of the copywriters wound up there LONG ago.
And speaking of stupid:
Rice's Testimony May Be Audition
A strong showing before the Sept. 11 panel could land her a Cabinet post in a second Bush term.
It isn't enough for NEWS HACKS to state the obvious; they must RESTATE it until it becomes obvious to THEM -- which means they must restate it FOREVER.
Rice's Testimony May Be Audition
A strong showing before the Sept. 11 panel could land her a Cabinet post in a second Bush term.
It isn't enough for NEWS HACKS to state the obvious; they must RESTATE it until it becomes obvious to THEM -- which means they must restate it FOREVER.
Short attention span linked to TV
WHY must NEWS HACKS "report" things that common sense tells us must be so, and that a little thinking would tell us are NOT NEWS?
WHY must NEWS HACKS "report" things that common sense tells us must be so, and that a little thinking would tell us are NOT NEWS?
Another LARRY KUDLOW CLONE shows up at Big EM's to insist "outsourcing" is a "racial code word."
And IDIOT is a code word for GENIUS. So let me acclaim you a masterful IDIOT!
And IDIOT is a code word for GENIUS. So let me acclaim you a masterful IDIOT!
Group threatens to turn Spain into ‘inferno’
Shucks, I guess the only thing we can do now is -- CAVE, right, POLLO?
Shucks, I guess the only thing we can do now is -- CAVE, right, POLLO?
Sunday, April 04, 2004
Here's a story we've ignored: The Beeb has named a new boss -- a man sneered at as "ponographer-in-chief" at another British broadcaster and a nephew of Lord Lew Grade, producer of such masterworks as Raise the Titanic and known affectionately as Low Grade.
This does not augur well for the Beeb, but I doubt we'll hear from ANDY S. about it, as this moves it one step closer to his beloved goal: ownership by RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Although in a sense it's already there.
This does not augur well for the Beeb, but I doubt we'll hear from ANDY S. about it, as this moves it one step closer to his beloved goal: ownership by RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Although in a sense it's already there.
OH, THE WONDERS OF EBAY: In scanning the listings for old TV sets I came across these two ads.
Does anyone here recall CBS (before it got Tischized and Sumnerized) made TVs? Yes, CBS made TVs -- and radios and phonographs and tape recorders too (which appear all the time guess where). If you look carefully you'll see CBS engaged in some Ike-era synergy. That's Arthur Godfrey (I'm certain) below the two circles, and that's probably Jack Benny on the second set on the right (I don't know who the woman is). They both starred on CBS.
Here's a better picture from an ad (not from an eBay link, but eBay's good at getting your curiosity and pocktbook going): that's a CBS color television from 1954 ($1,100 retail). Such a BIG cabinet, such a SMALL picture. That's Ed Sullivan, of course. He starred on CBS too. The company apparently stopped making TVs in the late fifties and left consumer electronics altogether by 1970.
And speaking of TVs, here is one reason America left consumer electronics:
Does anyone here recall CBS (before it got Tischized and Sumnerized) made TVs? Yes, CBS made TVs -- and radios and phonographs and tape recorders too (which appear all the time guess where). If you look carefully you'll see CBS engaged in some Ike-era synergy. That's Arthur Godfrey (I'm certain) below the two circles, and that's probably Jack Benny on the second set on the right (I don't know who the woman is). They both starred on CBS.
Here's a better picture from an ad (not from an eBay link, but eBay's good at getting your curiosity and pocktbook going): that's a CBS color television from 1954 ($1,100 retail). Such a BIG cabinet, such a SMALL picture. That's Ed Sullivan, of course. He starred on CBS too. The company apparently stopped making TVs in the late fifties and left consumer electronics altogether by 1970.
And speaking of TVs, here is one reason America left consumer electronics:
Boston's Democratic Convention a Quagmire
QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is reserved for IRAQ -- and NEVER for DEMOCRATS!!
QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is reserved for IRAQ -- and NEVER for DEMOCRATS!!
Because ghetto carnage mostly stays in the ghetto, people can dismiss it with a wink and a nod and blame it all on loose morals, or poverty, or guns, or whatever excuse will keep us from the admonition that we are our brother's keeper.
This link from Topix one reason those automated news-gathering sites may be slightly less than useful:
Television
WWWR-AM Roanoke - 3 hours ago -
Buy a television at Dell. Up to 20% off select software and peripherals purchased online at the Dell Home Software & Peripherals site.
Television
WWWR-AM Roanoke - 3 hours ago -
Buy a television at Dell. Up to 20% off select software and peripherals purchased online at the Dell Home Software & Peripherals site.
King Richard's boys say, if MR. MARK could take his profits, why can't we take OURS?
I'll bet for weeks in the Puzzle Palace of Manhattan there've been fits of recrimination over why THEY DIDN'T PLUG THAT MOVIE. Careers have been ruined because people weren't SALESMAN ENOUGH. As I said, the reason arts coverage stinks is PAUL DRECK.
One other thing, Kingie: the idea of putting your cover story off limits is stoo-PID. I mean, you don't have to put everything on the site -- just a few stories. The TWXSTERS' much vaunted Web-site policy looks more and more like a fiasco every day.
I'll bet for weeks in the Puzzle Palace of Manhattan there've been fits of recrimination over why THEY DIDN'T PLUG THAT MOVIE. Careers have been ruined because people weren't SALESMAN ENOUGH. As I said, the reason arts coverage stinks is PAUL DRECK.
One other thing, Kingie: the idea of putting your cover story off limits is stoo-PID. I mean, you don't have to put everything on the site -- just a few stories. The TWXSTERS' much vaunted Web-site policy looks more and more like a fiasco every day.
You're close, Mr. Lebrecht, but I say you can really sum up the tres lousay quality of arts coverage in two words: PAUL DRECK.
Joey "The-Only-Thing-We-Have-to-Fear-Is-Ooops-I-Didn't-Write-That" Biden gets out his staffers and interns and tells them to say we need the League of Nations. (Only, you see, Joey being SMARTER THAN ANYBODY, he tells his interns and clerks to say we need a "HIGH COMMISSIONER.") Yeah Joey. We turn Iraq over to the League and we get Saddam II or Osama II or a 100-year civil war. If it'll keep the natives occupied Joey, I guess we can be for it. Whether it'll do anybody else any good is another story.
Ozzy accusing his MD of overprescribing is like a fish accusing God of making too much water.
Couldn't you have chosen a better time, Oz?
Couldn't you have chosen a better time, Oz?
Today appear two links on ArtsJournal.com re the often tenuous relations between "artists" and morals. First is the "revelation" that Nabokov may have cribbed Lolita from a novella by a German news hack who went on to be a drum-banger for Hitler. Leaving Hitler aside this would seem risible on the face of it: why plagiarize a novel about sex? But I guess some writers need the inspiration. The second is a Times piece on the endless debate over how Commie Shostakovich was. My notion: you do not get to write symphonies in a police state without a certain manner of squirm-making kowtowing, and with his Walter Mitty looks I don't think Shosty was Clark Kent.
News hacks gloat today. I HOPE the PROFs who tell us how WONDERFULLY things are going in Iraq know what they're talking about. As usual, the truth lies somewhere in an unfathomable range between them, and neither side will tell us the whole truth because they're both so full of themselves.
NEWS HACKS recycle all the time. Why is this one getting punished for it?
In fairness to the Chronicle, Mickey has ghosted books for Shirley Jones and Marty Ingels (eeeewwwwwwwwww!!!!!), Mickey Mantle, Tom Kite, Howahd Co-SELL, Bette Davis, Gene Tierney, and DAN BLATHER. A man with that record couldn't help recycling.
In fairness to the Chronicle, Mickey has ghosted books for Shirley Jones and Marty Ingels (eeeewwwwwwwwww!!!!!), Mickey Mantle, Tom Kite, Howahd Co-SELL, Bette Davis, Gene Tierney, and DAN BLATHER. A man with that record couldn't help recycling.
Okay, maybe CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES didn't pull the trigger, but where there are news hacks, there will be, uh, ACTION.
Although I'd feel better if this hadn't come from the POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, which so nobly served the cause of JUSTICE.
(I'd also feel better if RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and Mortimer Zuck weren't engaged in an eight-year-old's FOOD FIGHT.)
Although I'd feel better if this hadn't come from the POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, which so nobly served the cause of JUSTICE.
(I'd also feel better if RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and Mortimer Zuck weren't engaged in an eight-year-old's FOOD FIGHT.)
...a small body of music that changed the course of rock history blahblahblah...
You know we're writing for POSTERITY when we call gheetar strummins A BODY, and when we refer to HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTORRRRY.
This from the editor of Blogcritics.org, a favorite of PROF'S, which probably dispenses more blah than any other Web site.
You know we're writing for POSTERITY when we call gheetar strummins A BODY, and when we refer to HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTORRRRY.
This from the editor of Blogcritics.org, a favorite of PROF'S, which probably dispenses more blah than any other Web site.
Ringleader of Madrid attacks among suicide bombers, interior minister says
So, we finally found someone more cowardly than EL POLLO LOCO.
So, we finally found someone more cowardly than EL POLLO LOCO.