Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, November 13, 2010
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1:49 PM
by Gene
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10:38 AM
by Gene
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9:59 AM
by Gene
Given HENRY HONEST!!!!! we can guess what this means.
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9:53 AM
by Gene
...meaning we're preparing for a day of national media consecration when this overpaid, overrated, overexposed, overbearing loudmouth at last leaves CABLE NUISANCE NETWORK, awaiting a new gig. We pay the following tribute: Goodbye, Larry -- and GET LOST!
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9:37 AM
by Gene
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9:35 AM
by Gene
Now we know why you NRO typists won't stop YAPYAPYAPPING about the GENIUS of POP-U-LAR CUL-TYURE -- especially when it's CON-SER-VA-TIVE. Friday, November 12, 2010
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11:05 PM
by Gene
Commenters screaming that O'REILLY!!!!! is always right and the NETWORK COMSYMPS are always wrong -- and commenters screaming that KEITH O!!!!! is always right and the NAZIS ON FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS are always wrong. A PLAGUE O' ALL YOUR HOUSES!
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8:25 PM
by Gene
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8:17 PM
by Gene
![]() ANOTHER NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO KITTY BEAN!
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8:12 PM
by Gene
Good luck -- TINA!!!!! P. S. at 8:40 p. m. I think it's too soon to be calling The Former Jesus Christ a GENIUS, WAX.
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2:18 PM
by Gene
The campaign, which runs through the end of the year, could be the last major campaign for Chevrolet by Campbell-Ewald, which lost the $600 million account earlier this year to Goodby, Silverstein & Partners. I think I understand why. Well, in this case, THE CAT CAME BACK.
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12:33 PM
by Gene
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12:13 PM
by Gene
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11:21 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: The studio of Mary Pickford, Ernst Lubitsch, Mae West, the Marx Brothers, Carole Lombard, Gary Cooper, Bing Crosby, Preston Sturges and Sunset Boulevard is an empty vessel -- and now SUMNER PICTURES must fill itself with home-grown TENTPOLES. Good luck!
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11:15 AM
by Gene
Just what we need, Jo-NAH -- not just another con-SER-va-tive movee list, but a misspelled one.
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11:01 AM
by Gene
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10:55 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:39 AM
by Gene
With luck both will have heartburn. No, more likely: the two will fall IN LOVE. And why not? They both despise the public, and that's pheromonal enough. (Via MediaBistro)
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9:27 AM
by Gene
Gene, remember -- and BELIEVE!
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9:21 AM
by Gene
Here is why RENDELLISM or schemes to create PC industries from nothing must fail; they rely on GOVERNMENT. Communism has shown the folly of a government-run economy.
Posted
9:16 AM
by Gene
![]() See Bobby! See Bobby write! See Bobby write a book! See Bobby write a book blasting His Omnipotence! See Bobby write a book blasting His Omnipotence that no one reads! Thursday, November 11, 2010
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10:12 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: The popcorn restaurants will fill with ZOMBIES!!!!! (In honor of that head zombie Mr. BEWKES, who never has to run PEOPLE WARNER more than half-alive.) How will it end and what comes next? There's no doubt the Potter spin-offs have been a reliable cash dispenser for Warner Bros, and no denying that they are deeply loved by the legions of fans that flock to see them. What remains to be seen is how they fare once the final credits roll; how they will stand up 10, 20 or 30 years down the line. Try as I might, I can't shake the suspicion that these films are too obviously built for purpose and too lacking in wit, warmth and humanity to survive much beyond the moment. ![]() Look, why should I waste our customers' time with relics like The Treasure of the Sierra Madre? We want TENTPOLES! We want PROFITS!
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9:57 PM
by Gene
Jeez, I thought God could just wave His hand and ban them.
Posted
9:08 PM
by Gene
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8:12 PM
by Gene
Or to put it another way, two second-rate Web sites are better than one. What will the new entity be called? For now, Newsweek will be called Newsweek and The Daily Beast will be called The Daily Beast, with some intermingling of the names to come later. Shucks, we like NEWSBEAST, but I guess that doesn't sing too well. (Via VULTURE)
Posted
3:37 PM
by Gene
Here -- and I don't want to repeat the word again, but I must -- is the rot at the core of RENDELLISM.
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12:20 PM
by Gene
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11:15 AM
by Gene
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10:50 AM
by Gene
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10:18 AM
by Gene
And YES, Huff 'n' Puff, Republicans burned money, but the high-tech bubble happened on YOUR SAVIOR's watch, precipitating our current mess.
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10:14 AM
by Gene
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10:09 AM
by Gene
(Via the Reut via the MESS. His King Kong "LEGENDARY"?!?!?) Wednesday, November 10, 2010
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3:06 PM
by Gene
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1:34 PM
by Gene
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10:19 AM
by Gene
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10:01 AM
by Gene
Yes, NewsMAX!!!!! is back to playing practical jokes!
Posted
9:40 AM
by Gene
We could be uncharitable and suggest she's already fallen in love with someone but we'll leave it at that.
Posted
9:29 AM
by Gene
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9:16 AM
by Gene
(Via MediaBistro)
Posted
9:04 AM
by Gene
I am sorry to keep harping on EDDIE but dammit he's the Mr. Know-It-All of municipal government, and thanks to his very big mouth he's to blame for the urban status quo more than anyone else.
Posted
8:58 AM
by Gene
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8:54 AM
by Gene
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
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9:04 PM
by Gene
The 8,600-job spurt was fueled largely by a hiring spree in home health care, which added 4,500 jobs during the quarter. “It's nice that there's job growth, but most of the growth is concentrated in an industry that is not particularly high paying,” said Martin Kohli, a BLS regional economist. Indeed, the average weekly wage in Brooklyn declined despite the job growth, falling by 1% to $718. The average weekly wage for home health aides is only $541. RENDELLISM PROSPERS!
Posted
5:18 PM
by Gene
![]() The saying goes that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. So why did so many have to flatter the CCTV Center? Besides, this is the sincerest form of imitation. ![]() A church or a high-end mausoleum? ![]() The new gag: HVAC shafts with interior lighting!
Posted
2:47 PM
by Gene
The incoming freshman with the thriftiest campaign was Minnesotan Chip Craavack (R), who beat 18-term veteran Jim Oberstar (D), the chairman of the House Transportation and Infrastructure Committee. Craavack and outside interest groups spent $610,000 on the race or about $5 for every vote he received. Oberstar spent $18 for every vote, or about $2.3 million. Kyler Nerison, communications director for the Craavack campaign, said the campaign was able to succeed against the incumbent with "just the old fashioned retail campaigning." Craavack spent months driving 30,000 miles through the district, which covers about a third of the state, in an old motor home wrapped with his campaign ensignia. Nerison described it as "our billboard, our office on the road and our hotel room as well."
Posted
1:55 PM
by Gene
(Via ASSPress)
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1:11 PM
by Gene
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11:48 AM
by Gene
Or to put it differently, America's leading export is airheads. (Via NEWSER!!!!!)
Posted
9:52 AM
by Gene
Few here now believe he will change American policies in the Middle East or improve U.S. relations with the Muslim world. And hopes that the two countries would march forward together on the world stage have been cast aside. Gosh, SUPERMAN proved to be Clark Kent after all.
Posted
9:47 AM
by Gene
And things are going well already. I’m happy to report that we’re already #1 in TBS’s key demographic --- people who can’t afford HBO. I’m going to be honest: It’s not easy doing a late-night show on a channel without a lot of money and that viewers have trouble finding. So that’s why I left NBC. This is THE MAN WHO WILL SAVE LATE-NIGHT TELEVISION? P. S. at 1:12 p. m. It was a GREAT opening for Conan O'Brien on TBS last night!!! The comedian's eponymous talk show drew BIG 4.2 million viewers and MASSIVE 3.3 million adults 18-49 and 2.5 million in 18-34!!!!!!!!!! [Massive overemphasis added] 4.2 million equals 1.35 PERCENT of the CURRENT U. S. POPULATION. ![]() AN ENORMOUS NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO NELLIE!
Posted
9:16 AM
by Gene
Hey HENRY HONEST! You think maybe HE fired that MYSTERIOUS ROCKET from somewhere near California?!?!? Monday, November 08, 2010
Posted
5:22 PM
by Gene
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5:03 PM
by Gene
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4:53 PM
by Gene
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3:35 PM
by Gene
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3:18 PM
by Gene
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2:55 PM
by Gene
In a finding that could be frightening for a major advertiser, the Alliance [for Family Entertainment] found 63% of viewers claiming advertisers are ultimately responsible for the content that is on TV. In 2009, only 43% of viewers agreed with that notion. We repeat for the ten trillionth time: the public is not that stupid. Not only is it agitated by Corporate America financing anything television, it realizes its money is fungible and thus finances water-cooler projects. We may add that news hacks increasingly love to boast of 2 MILLION WATCH THE DAILY SHOW!!!!! because in the back of their hermetically-sealed reinforced-concrete skulls they know it's a drop in our population bucket -- and such uniformly small numbers almost across the board mean people may finally be actively avoiding television. We submit the success of Netflix and the more recent cable-cutting are in no small way a reflection of it. The small numbers should also disprove the hacks' (like BRIAN'S) favorite excuse that people say they hate sex-'n'-violence but...but they're NOT watching it. The idiot MUG Whitman proved politicians waste money financing television. When do our superiors in Corporate America finally get the message? P. S. And BRIAN (whose snideness earns A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD!) links to this article about SLIME's chief soon-to-be-retiring chief ad SALESMAN!!!!! on FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!, which pretty well summarizes how much people like him have to do with the plebeians: Ad sales is still famous for the perks. When I go to football or baseball games I usually have a private bathroom. ZERO.
Posted
11:48 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:37 AM
by Gene
That's okay, BONO: You don't pay anything for content and we won't pay you any mind. (Via I Want Media)
Posted
10:49 AM
by Gene
Back with the practical jokes, huh NewsMAX!!!!!?
Posted
10:48 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:16 AM
by Gene
[T]here is nothing new under the sun. Saddleback and the Crystal Cathedral, Willow Creek and all the other evangelical megachurches that have had their time in the sun sell the same product: mind-power through talk-magic, which in secular packaging is just what all the innumerable therapies and self-help programmes on the market promise.... I never understood the appeal of these programmes, whether religious or secular: they claimed to produce plain empirical results but were never empirically confirmed. For all the cheerful platitudes and possibility thinking, the Crystal Cathedral was bankrupt. (Via the usual AHTSJournal)
Posted
9:05 AM
by Gene
![]() We always thought it was this guy. It would be funny if we weren't talking GOD.
Posted
8:23 AM
by Gene
Meaning sometime today ROMY will have a tantrum over CONSERVATIVES. Richard Rampell: Though he used to write a column for the Wall Street Journal, his political donations are overwhelmingly Democratic. B-b-but I thought it was C-C-C-CONSERVATIVE! P. S. Even the natives are restless. (Caveat: TUCKER!!!!!) Sunday, November 07, 2010
Posted
10:37 PM
by Gene
Which makes us wonder whether this was a publicity stunt, as several intimated. We couldn't care less whether he's on the air or not, and it's more likely he will be, as he makes too much money not to be.
Posted
10:28 PM
by Gene
That is to say, do you think Jerry Jones will finally fire his head coach? Or will Wade Phillips save him the trouble?
Posted
7:36 PM
by Gene
Three GOP candidates spend $243M Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!! But here’s the punch line: None of these candidates is ahead in the polls. Two of them — Whitman and McMahon — are actually behind. Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGED!!!!! P. S. We say the TURNIPS know this, and it's one reason the zillionaires are behind. If they can burn their money on television they can burn OUR money in Washington. They deserve to be behind. TODAY: [MUG Whitman's] money, moreover, fueled an extravagant advertising campaign that by the end turned more voters against Whitman than toward her. NUF SAID.
Posted
7:08 PM
by Gene
America produces all sorts of things that Indians crave, from iPads to MBAs to fighter planes. Nice, but the first two people really don't need and the third are merely government. And guess who makes the iPads. IBM employs more people in India than in the United States. We can see its zillionaire CEO now: "IBM IS NOT AN AMERI...whoooooooooooooops!" Indian firms place a higher value on innovation than the American companies. This will prove one of the few lines the Econowiz-boasting CEOs will read in an issue that would otherwise gather their fairy dust on their extravagant desks, meaning more jobs to India. And the pièce de résistance: There is an upside to these downsides. Frugal products will be a godsend for America’s pinched consumers. They may even prevent the American economy from being crushed by the health-care Godzilla. But Americans need to get back on the treadmill. In a recent speech Mr Obama told schoolchildren in Philadelphia that: “When students around the world in Bangalore or Beijing are working harder than ever, and doing better than ever, your success in school is not just going to determine your success, it is going to determine America’s success in the 21st century.” That is not a bad theme for the next two years of his presidency. I smell more spending on EHDYUKAYSHUN! I smell more pointless testing! I smell -- MORE RENDELLISM!
Posted
4:43 PM
by Gene
1. Has Green Stopped Giving? Well, let me put it this way: Recently I bought a few of Heinz' Boston Market entrees. They're marketed as VERY green. How green are they? They're SO green Heinz instructed me not to cook them in a conventional oven. Not only has green stopped giving, it's started taking away. 2. Employees No Longer Baggage, but Blessing Let's see how many employees Yum! Brands, Overstock.com, Kraft Foods, Fidelity Investments and Southwest Airlines decide are not considered a blessing. While employees have always been the front line of customer interactions for brands, particularly those in the service industry, a number of factors of late have brought them more to the fore, including a more transparent and socially engaged society, a still-fragile economy where everyday value trumps aspirational brand attributes, and an ongoing lack of trust in corporate America and CEO spokespeople. So we answer the challenge as ADAGE's readers always do: with buzzwords, platitudes and institutional malevolence. 3. Speaking of malevolence, some companies think they can cure some very bad PR by hiring a consultant. Thankfully some very bad PR is a little more stubborn than that, and it will be a LONG time before FOXCONN does NOT equal SUICIDES. 4. And yes, we had paid attention to this story about the infallible Nielsen and its very fallible Web ratings, but as the current AD BOOM shows not even a permanent vacation in Hell will stop media types from believing in THEIR tooth fairy.
Posted
1:18 PM
by Gene
Now for the public to put on its blinders. There is one glimmer of hope, however: The unions sought higher increases, citing how actors are struggling to get their "quotes" and see less income from TV residuals -- the fees they get from reruns -- because fewer shows repeat on the networks or are later sold into syndication.
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