Posted 7:22 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The Messiah chose Four-Score with polls. Way to go, Lord.

Posted 7:01 PM by Gene

Obama Misspeaks, Calls Biden 'The Next President'; Biden Calls Obama 'Barack America'

The laughs have already started.

No wonder they announced it early in the morning.

Posted 10:40 AM by Gene

And if London's upcoming White Elephant is to have any chance of success, the British must do what the organizers of previous White Elephants have not -- promote concurrent tourism. The GAMES are a money sucker, leaving empty hotels and empty restaurants. They're also the age's world's fairs (what happened to those?). If the British are to make good on their nascent notion of their spectacle as FUN they can't do it without PEOPLE.

Posted 10:33 AM by Gene

As Llllllllord Rrrrrrrrrrogggggge prepares for his speech:

Michael Phelps made for the perfect symbol — ruthlessly proficient in winning eight gold medals, unerringly prepared, perfectly ordered, but somewhat rehearsed and dull. Phelps was so tunnel-visioned, he did not notice the arterial pulse of lights on the Water Cube’s outer skin until his competition had ended.

We couldn't help thinking, if the Bionic Swimmer were good looking -- and say what you will about him, Mark Spitz was a truly handsome man -- we'd be talking a career in show-biz even if his repertoire were limited to Tarzan yells. But especially more than the rest of the CURE FOR CANCER he will be forgotten, even IF Little Jeffy gave him a huge signing bonus, because in his essence he's an aquatic geek.

Posted 9:27 AM by Gene

Why do I think Four-Score is something "the base" will have to work at getting excited about?

TRANSLATION: A northern Lloyd Bentsen with bloopers.

P. S. Some TNR intern says Four-Score's "TERRIFIC!!!!!", merely meaning when Boobs picks his running mate some NRO intern will think him TERRIFIC!!!!! Six of one....

P. P. S.

Surely he has guaranteed the Obama camp that he can keep himself in control. But he’s a man nearing 70, and men nearing 70 do not change. Honestly, this could be fun.

NO COMMENT.

Posted 8:03 PM by Gene

Hey Messiah! How about tomorrow at 2:30 a. m. -- like GEORGE?

Posted 7:31 PM by Gene

Exciting news from the ASSPress:

Maxwell announces first tour in 6 years

Wasn't that Jack Benny's car?

Posted 6:41 PM by Gene

Chinese authorities have sentenced eight Americans to 10 days of administrative detention in Beijing for "disrupting public order," according to the U.S. Embassy in Beijing. The Americans were all members of groups that support Tibetan independence.

THE GREATESTESTEST GAMESESES EVAH!!!!!

Posted 6:37 PM by Gene

GM, Ford Seek $50 Billion From U.S., Double Request

TRANSLATION: BUY US, PLEASE!!!!!

Posted 6:30 PM by Gene

OIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII:

Obama's VP decision turns to marketing coup
By Peter Nicholas | 2:01 p.m.
The Democratic candidate has turned the selection of his running mate into a national drama.

On a Friday afternoon zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Posted 5:46 PM by Gene

Think of all the great movies Warner Bros. once made. Casablanca -- well that's too easy. The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The Maltese Falcon, Yankee Doodle Dandy, Robin Hood -- you could go on and on. If Lauren had been a real person instead of these wanna-be NIKKI!!!!!s (or Jeff Robinovs, whose name NIKKI!!!!! once misspelled in a URL), she might have asked this question: "Jeff [or maybe Jeff old pal, if it would make him feel any better], your company once made Casablanca, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The Maltese Falcon, Yankee Doodle Dandy, Robin Hood. Now you have the itch to make Justice League of America and Batman vs. Superman. WHY?" The result would be a supremely embarrassing moment, or a moment for spin so frantic it would nonplus Wile E. Coyote -- but a "reporter" looking to be at minimum the next LAURA LANDRO obviously will not embarrass her future boss -- subjects, and therefore she gloats endlessly about all the wonders Warners would churn out if PEOPLE WARNER's biggest business weren't mismanagement. Of course it doesn't hurt that YOUR BOSS likes making idiot pictures too on His own decreasing dime. Once the hacks could laze back on the excuse the TWXSTERS made AHTHOUSE FILLUMS, but they don't anymore (possibly because they didn't make any money, even if Jeff "Rhymes with Stole" Skoll made so many of them -- or especially), but happily having such a profound case of CULTURAL STOCKHOLM SYNDROME they can convince us that we're living in a GENIUS age -- even as moviemaking increasingly resembles an airport men's-room stall. Somewhere Harry, Al, Sam and Jack must wonder why they opened that first nickelodeon in New Castle, Pennsylvania -- which is still standing, far more than we can say for SUPERMAN RETURNS.

Indeed on the evidence Lauren so lovingly presents we wonder why the TWXSTERS don't reorganize their fillum biz so that Warners becomes a wholly-owned subsid of DC COMICS.

Anyhow, Laurens must ape Lauras, and therefore -- a NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD!

(AHTHOUSE link via AHTSJournal)

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

McCain Campaign Predicts Huge Post-Convention Bump for Obama

What happens if it does, Boobs? Any relation to Sen. Morals as vice-president?

Posted 3:47 PM by Gene

Occasionally even investors can be -- smart. Belly Kisser should take a page out of the Chinese textbook and be a more financier-friendly authoritarian. Waving a gun is no good for his rep.

Posted 3:22 PM by Gene

People-using-television, or PUT for short, is a measurement of how many people have turned on their televisions at a given time. During the Olympics through Sunday, Nielsen has recorded an average PUT level of 37 — meaning that 37 percent of people are watching their TV during prime time — up from a 33.8 level during the same time period last year. Mr. Wakshlag projects that the increased TV tune-in is responsible for 38 percent of NBC’s audience. The other 62 percent of the audience is turning off the competition (broadcast networks, cable, etc.) to watch the Olympics.

“There aren’t that many events that drive PUT levels,” Mr. Wakshlag observed. “The Super Bowl does it for a night. This has done it for several nights.”

TRANSLATION: 1. Little Jeffy's wasting His time running promos; and 2. A lot of the viewers won't be back until Vancouver, if then.

(Via ShowBizData)

Posted 12:54 PM by Gene

Just what JFK needs: an LBJ.

Posted 6:55 PM by Gene

The University of Mississippi with Jim Lehrer, Belmont University with Tom Brokaw, Hofstra University with Bob Scheiffer, and Washington University in St. Louis with Gwen Ifill.

The debateszzzzzzzzzz will be exzzzzzzzzzzciting.

Posted 6:44 PM by Gene

And what, we may ask, did the Beijing Bigwigs hope to gain from that? Don't they realize they're already the leaders in lead-painted toys and intellectual-property theft? Didn't they give one iota's worth of thought of turning these girls into machines? Didn't they remember the tragedy of Marion Jones?

Of course not, or China wouldn't be the world's newest alleged No. 1.

P. S. It sez here the Politburo types are "counseling modesty." We'll see about that.

Posted 6:33 PM by Gene

How apt it would be to have THE GREATESTEST CURE FOR CANCER EVER!!!!! end on a sour age-falsifying note.

I'd guess Lllloooorrrdd Rrrrrogge will still call it the GREATESTEST GAMESES EVER!!!! to make up for the embarrassment.

(Via Yahoo! Sports)

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

Mr. Neocons-R-Nazis must occasionally think, God, if only I could help Him like I did the other guy! But look what that produced: a novel.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

The good news: Moon 'n' Stars is launching a toothpaste with ALMOST NO JUNK TELEVISION. The bad news: it's a weekly toothpaste.

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

Microsoft's using a brilliant comedian in its new ad campaign, but it won't work because 1. It had the Bugmeister; 2. It has Mr. BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWLMER; and 3. It has Vista.

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

“I really hope it’s Biden,” Limbaugh told his listeners. “You don’t want to say that too loud, but I really do hope that it’s Joe Biden, because we’ve got mountains of archival audio on Joe Biden.”

We now have a very good reason The Lord will NOT choose Mr. Four-Score.

Posted 9:12 AM by Gene

One of the few good things to come out of all this non-speculation is this no-doubt-temporary decline in the gamb -- GAMING business. Now say you're a knee-jerk con-SER-va-tive. Which is more important: the misery and money-wasting induced by the gamb -- GAMING biz, or its huge profits?

GEKKO KUDLOW knows the answer -- which is why obsessive money worship is to knee-jerk conservatives what abortion is to knee-jerk liberals.

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

Well well well! "A few speculators" play tricks with crude oil!

Jeez, I thought it was just free enterprise at work -- supply and demand, you know.

It's official -- John "The Knee-Jerk-Liberal Conservative" Stossel is full of it.

P. S. With PERFECT timing, NRO defends speculators. MORONS.

Posted 8:20 AM by Gene

Meantime the Chinese housing market is busting, which shows the fantastical unimportance of the traveling five-ring circus, debt and advertising excepted.

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

Why is Lllooorddd Rrrrrogge so upset about "showboating" when he's about to proclaim THE GREATESTEST GAMES EVER!!!!!?

Posted 6:45 PM by Gene

Gary Glitter: A pervert without a country.

Well, if worst comes to worst, there's always America.

Posted 10:26 AM by Gene

Sen. Morals is auditioning for Boobs at the infomercial!

Okay Boobs, think -- do we want a Democrat in the White House?

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

AP NEWSALERT!!!!!

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Group of Seven major industrial countries call for increased economic support for Georgia.

YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

Posted 9:00 AM by Gene

There's just an old brother in an old shanty town....

A far cry from Harvard, definitely.

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

Branson East extrudes GENIUS:

"It looks like 'Tarzan' when you walk into the theater because it's all green and viney," says a source. "You get scared for a second, but it's a lot better than 'Tarzan.' It's decent. It's going to appeal to kids who like the movie."

Let's hope so; we wouldn't want a company partnered by LUKE SPIELBERG to engage in GLOBAL WARMING.

"There's this kid in a cute Shrek costume running around for a few minutes," one person says.

American Idol?

One of the fairy-tale characters proudly announces that he's "sold my memoirs to Stephen Schwartz" - the composer of "Wicked."

"They didn't get the joke in Seattle, but maybe they'll get it in New York," a source says, adding that, with all its inside musical-theater jokes, "Shrek" strays into territory well-mined by "Spamalot."

Who says it's a joke?

One source says the production could have been designed by Kenneth Feld, the peddler of such middlebrow fare as Disney on Ice.

Strap a pair of skates on d'Arcy James, one source says, and "you'd have 'Shrek on Ice.' "

LUKE!!!!! JEFF!!!!!!!!!!

DreamWorks seems to be playing it safe with its most valuable property. The company is so bent on making "Shrek" audience-friendly, it's encouraging theatergoers to e-mail comments to help the creators fine-tune the show.

At least nobody's writing "Close it out of town."

Democracy!

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

EXASPERATING:

"I think coming out of the Games there will be a modest but discernable uptick in China's image worldwide, but as time goes by the same issues that led to the deterioration in China's image of the last three or four years, Darfur, Tibet, human rights, job losses overseas ... these same issues will come back and that uptick will be eroded."

Then why do we talk about a CURE FOR CANCER? And who will remember this affair until the next one, save for a few CEOs and Chinese accountants?

And some business-school equivalent of a film cri-TIC speaks in almost excusatory tones of having an authoritarian state do the GAMES, which proves among the business elite there is no sense.

Posted 8:25 AM by Gene

Where does a hard-line Communist Chinese leader go when he dies? And do even the Chinese care?

Posted 8:16 AM by Gene

Our DIP-lo-MATS are going to take the Russians to the League of Nations Security Council.

Why not just wave the white flag and let the Russkies have whatever they want?

Posted 5:42 PM by Gene

What we would never have guessed: New York is more expensive.

That makes it better?

Based on May 2007 data, chief executives earn an average of $93.37 an hour....

1. More than surgeons. 2. Is that all?

Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

Branson East's having a slowdown! It's already canceled three theme parks!

What would Lawrence Welk do?

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

Poetry in business:

The chief executive of developer Brixton has resorted to quoting a gloomy Bob Dylan lyric to describe the beleaguered state of a commercial property market where "none of them along the line know what any of it is worth".

Have we forgotten "Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?"

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

Still Blogging About Edwards!

We know, Mick, we KNOW.

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

Russia dismisses Nato's 'empty words' as it stands firm in Georgia

We have the words, they have the soldiers. Yep, I think they can dismiss us.

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

ESPN to NBC: Anything You Can Do, We Can Do Better

TRANSLATION: Next time, WE run the GAMES!

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

NBC’s margins over second place last week were the largest on record since Nielsen began tracking ratings using People Meters in 1987.

TRANSLATION: Take away all those uncritical women and people are avoiding TV in DROVES.

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

Sources: Iran tried but failed to launch satellite

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Wait a second -- doesn't that make its nukes more dangerous?

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

Another clever hed:

H-P prints gains after hours [Emphasis added]

TRANSLATION: You can never charge too much for cartridges!

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

The Lord has lost some of His...lustre?

Oh, it's because of His race. Not that He's a humorously snobby megalomaniac who takes so many positions even He doesn't know where He stands.

Oh, it's also because of His oppenent's attacks. Can't WE take care of those?

Couldn't you have picked a better God to hit us over the head with, news hacks?

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH-DA-DUT! DUT! SAMMY GLICK...MAN pulls off OPERATION TAKEDOWN, in which He wrestled moviegoers to the ground with STUPID FILMS!

Oh -- that's not what he did? Isn't that what He ordinarily does?

(Via ShowBizData)

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

Looking For Energy, Google Goes To Hell

Is Forbeslist too clever for its own good?

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

Romy and his cohorts daydream again:

"Investigative reporters are the perfect hero in the movies"

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

It is possible to be too tacky in synchronized swimming?

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

Russia has its own version of Slashdot! Pffffffffffffffffffffft!

Posted 6:54 AM by Gene

NOW the Best-Seller Pervez is resigning. As the old saying goes, he may have been an SOB, but he was our SOB (more or less). Now God knows what kind of SOB will replace him.

Posted 9:03 PM by Gene

You KNOW someone's plugging the Edward R. Murrow of Comedy when he (or in this case she, the truth-seeking Michiko) fails to mention THE SIZE OF HIS AUDIENCE.

P. S. As of two months ago it was 1.6 MILLION -- less than HALF Nightline got -- and less than EIGHT PERCENT the most recent audience for the THREE NIGHTLY NEWS BROADCASTS -- and FOUR PERCENT of the numbers alleged to have tuned in THE BIONIC SWIMMER'S EIGHTH -- and just over ONE-HALF OF ONE PERCENT OF THE CURRENT U. S. POPULATION.

WHY MUST THE IDIOT NEWS HACKS ALWAYS INFLATE HIS IMPORTANCE? Or are they PATTING THEMSELVES ON THE BACK AS NORMAL?

Posted 6:29 PM by Gene

Now we're threatening to keep Russia out of the WTO.

How much will their oil trump our trade?

Posted 6:07 PM by Gene

Telegraph is selling a one-name wonder. She's cute, if a bit made-up (but she could use stockings on her legs), and can supposedly sing but all sorts of telltale signs pop up on the Amazon.coms: one-hit wonder, sounds like, Amy Winehouse. (And this even among four-and five-star reviews.) We should not question any singer's longevity just out of the starter's gate but we doubt that Burt Bacharach and Hal David are in an office somewhere churning out her hits, as they did with Dionne Warwick (SIC!). We suspect her only chance, as THE MAN proved, is to create a persona, but a public sick of PR is sick of personas, and even the most tone-deaf "music" fans starve for real music, so the chances of this latest trend disappearing are, alas, very good, and as with sensations before, it won't be altogether her fault.

Interesting: Amazon.com is sells it for $7.99. Amazon.co.uk sells it for £8.98. (This is from Vivendi.) If we could be sure this is music that would be an advantage.

Posted 1:22 PM by Gene

An epochal moment in MSM blogging:

** Obama got a big standing O. And about half the evangelical crowd seemed to support civil unions. Reader J: "where did u get that half the audience applauded for civil unions?

there was applause but i dont know that it was from anyone other than the 100 folks obama gave tickets to..."

[SIC]

Posted 1:20 PM by Gene

Sorry, we have no sympathy for the few (very few) who have to go from selling SIVs to selling (it says here) cupcakes. They made their fortunes bankrupting people by inflating the housing bubble and inflating the commodities bubble, so it is nothing less than just that they must suffer -- and we doubt they'll suffer that much, as most of them have money in whatever institutions they were smart enough to put it.

Posted 1:06 PM by Gene

We wonder that there isn't more cheatin' in NASCAR, as it's a handmaiden of corporate America; we wonder also that there isn't more pretentious hair-tearin' from corporate America about the cheatin' it finances.

Posted 1:02 PM by Gene

Now that what con-SER-va-tives so smugly call the marketplace is repudiating LUKE SPIELBERG, we must reflect that fifty years hence the world will see how DR. EVIL and LUKE delivered the one-two punch that destroyed the movies for all time, and the world must reflect on all those arrested juveniles who fueled LUKE's craze, but who, however reluctantly, and finally, had to grow up.

Posted 10:01 AM by Gene

Yesterday there was a "genius" writer who got stoned. Some cartoonist parodied him in his comic strip. He didn't like it. He got stoned some more. He died. Another writer calls him a "footnote in American literary history."

Yesterday there was an actress -- a very sexy actress. She had a very stormy romantic life. One night she had some drinks on a yacht, had an accident and drowned. A commenter on this post says she's largely forgotten, and while this may not be true the story is, now.

TV news has not improved in 27 years, except the stories were longer -- much longer. The graphics have improved. Who were Max Robinson and Steve Bell?

P. S. SYNERGY!