Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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    • THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
    I know more than you.
    I make lots more money than you.
    I'm smarter than you.
    I'm sexier than you.
    I appear on TV all the time.
    I work ten minutes a day.
    I rule the universe.
    I'm going to live forever.
    You are an idiot.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
    A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
    I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
    --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
    News isn't news when we don't report it.

    PERMALINKS:

    THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

    THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

    AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!

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    Sunday, August 10, 2003

    Posted 2:11 PM by Gene

    Hey kids! (That includes you, Robert J. "Competition" Samuelson -- and you too, Dick "Free Enterprise" Armey! Very definitely!) Guess what I learned! There's a cookies-'n'-crackers duopoly in the supermarket! It's controlled by Altria Motive Foods and Kellogg's, and the latter is so proud of its name it doesn't even mention it on packages of Keebler, Cheez-it, Hydrox, Famous Amos, Murray -- guess they figure when they raise prices every half (to pay their dues as proud members of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers) they don't want people to know who did it! Gosh do I love big business, Bob and Dick!

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