THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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Saturday, July 26, 2003
Four U.S. Soldiers Killed During Deadly Day in Iraq
I hear the jaysonists going HOORAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
A lot of them are big Chicago® fans too.
I hear the jaysonists going HOORAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
A lot of them are big Chicago® fans too.
As I was walkin' through the store to-day..."
I was forced to hear Chicago®, aka Polyester in Music™, and as I was forced to hear Polyester in Music™ I thought two things (besides strangling whoever programs foreground Muzak®):
1. Chicago® is jazz for jazz haters; and
2. Chicago® is Lawrence Welk for boomers.
I'd like to hear that band play "Bubbles in the Wine."
I was forced to hear Chicago®, aka Polyester in Music™, and as I was forced to hear Polyester in Music™ I thought two things (besides strangling whoever programs foreground Muzak®):
1. Chicago® is jazz for jazz haters; and
2. Chicago® is Lawrence Welk for boomers.
I'd like to hear that band play "Bubbles in the Wine."
Well, maybe the fiftieth anniversary of "The Forgotten War" wasn't too pleasant, but here's something to perk up the nostalgia -- and the self-esteem: today's the fiftieth anniversary of Fidel Castro's overthrow of Fulgencio Batista. Someone should ask one of the Democratic nominees for president if we could make it a federal holiday.
GOP's Power Play: Goal of Reforms in House Gives Way To Tough Tactics Party Once Criticized
With the caveat that this IS The Washington Post, I can't say I'm surprised.
But what will get the Demos back in power? Sending troops to Slobovia? Gay marriage? Puh-LEEZE!
With the caveat that this IS The Washington Post, I can't say I'm surprised.
But what will get the Demos back in power? Sending troops to Slobovia? Gay marriage? Puh-LEEZE!
Any marriage with Wacko as best man and Liz as the maid of honor was doomed to failure.
Then again, any marriage with Liza Minnelli as the wife and David Gest as the husband was doomed to failure.
Or is that Liza Minnelli as husband and...never mind.
Then again, any marriage with Liza Minnelli as the wife and David Gest as the husband was doomed to failure.
Or is that Liza Minnelli as husband and...never mind.
Friday, July 25, 2003
JUXTAPOSITION OF THE DAY:
--U.S. Marines sent to Liberia coast
--Catastrophe looms
Wait a second! I thought catastrophe was supposed to happen only in Iraq.
--U.S. Marines sent to Liberia coast
--Catastrophe looms
Wait a second! I thought catastrophe was supposed to happen only in Iraq.
JAYSON's going to write a book review -- on one condition -- he must see the movie.
PFFH-HH-HH-HH!!!!!
PFFH-HH-HH-HH!!!!!
Nude ‘Bambi hunts’ a hoax, city says
And tens of thousands of gullible (but trendy, super-intelligent and oh so blase) news hacks fell for it.
WHAT'S YOUR NEXT PRACTICAL JOKE, IDIOTS?
And tens of thousands of gullible (but trendy, super-intelligent and oh so blase) news hacks fell for it.
WHAT'S YOUR NEXT PRACTICAL JOKE, IDIOTS?
KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! WHALEY WOWS PGA TOUR CROWD!!!!!!!!! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH!
WHALEY MSED THE CUT!!!!!
A favorite director of the news hacks has died. How do I know he's a favorite? In the obits I've already seen two overused news-hack code words: "dark" and "edgy." "Dark" and "edgy" roughly translate into ATTITUDE and are used approvingly for those whose have it. After all, the hacks have it. It's only a hop and a skip to why the hacks want our soldiers to die in Iraq -- it's "dark" and "edgy." Morons.
So far we have lost fewer lives in Afghanistan and Iraq than we did in a single day's butchery in the Marine barracks in Lebanon.
You're not supposed to tell, Victor!
You're not supposed to tell, Victor!
The Feds are investigating -- CHEAP CHANNEL?!?
Oooh, shouldn't do that, Dubya. Jim "Dow 36,000" Glassman must have a headache.
Oooh, shouldn't do that, Dubya. Jim "Dow 36,000" Glassman must have a headache.
To The Econowiz, I suggest now what I suggested before: that EisnerCorp be split into three parts: the theme-park and licensing divisions, which would be reorganized into a REIT; ESPN as a stand-alone entity; and whatever the name of that TV network is and the "adult" films unit. That way perhaps the investors get something -- and more important, we have one less media tyranny to contend with.
KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! WHALEY WOWS PGA TOUR CROWD!!!!!!!!! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! First woman to qualify for an event on men's tour since 1945 shoots 75, better than 12 men pros!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH!
And worse than 141.
And worse than 141.
Great. The we-can't-mention-the-Saudis-because-it's-classified report writers propose a Secretary of Spying. And after we've created the Department of Snooping, things will be as messy as before.
Hard to believe -- fifty years ago "The Forgotten War" ended. But for the war the whole Korean peninsula would rejoice in the glories of Communism. Sorry news hacks, our fighting men did die for something.
Thursday, July 24, 2003
Why the right hates Ann Coulter.
Let me see if I can read a Kinsley.com article without reading it: The right hates Ann Coulter because she shows up conservatives who are worried solely about their image which is flaming hypocrisy because Ann Coulter is the ne-plus-ultra of Nazii -- er, mean-spirited conservatism.
There! I did it! That's almost as predictable as Bill the Entomologist spawning new bugs.
Let me see if I can read a Kinsley.com article without reading it: The right hates Ann Coulter because she shows up conservatives who are worried solely about their image which is flaming hypocrisy because Ann Coulter is the ne-plus-ultra of Nazii -- er, mean-spirited conservatism.
There! I did it! That's almost as predictable as Bill the Entomologist spawning new bugs.
The Trib, which today assigned a PR specialist from the Trib LA Edition a byline from the Trib Orlando Edition, confesses it "edited" Aaron.
That's a little like manure-shoveling duty at the race track, isn't it?
That's a little like manure-shoveling duty at the race track, isn't it?
Idi Amin, whom lgf confidently reported was dead, has emerged from his coma.
But not long before he's shining shoes for Hitler and Stalin.
But not long before he's shining shoes for Hitler and Stalin.
SEN. RODHAM FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!
Soon the drumbeat of propa -- fearless truth telling will begin, and America's mighty liar -- journalists (ew! Now I'll have to take three showers! EW!!) will begin the chant! HILLARY FOR PRESIDENT!! HILLARY FOR PRESIDENT!! "She's the man the people choose,/Loves the Irish and the...." Well, maybe not.
It's gonna be a LONG campaign.
Soon the drumbeat of propa -- fearless truth telling will begin, and America's mighty liar -- journalists (ew! Now I'll have to take three showers! EW!!) will begin the chant! HILLARY FOR PRESIDENT!! HILLARY FOR PRESIDENT!! "She's the man the people choose,/Loves the Irish and the...." Well, maybe not.
It's gonna be a LONG campaign.
The "POWERFUL" chairman of Ways and Means (they always call him that), better known in my precinct as a Paul Lynde impersonator without the humor, has issued a "tearful" apology.
That's what happens when you rule by tantrum.
That's what happens when you rule by tantrum.
DISHONESTY SQUARED: Not only is The Cheerleader of the Leader of the Brand a LALA Times reporter, he also reports for the Orlando Sentinel!
This kind of lying by byline is almost as bad as what Jayson did. Here's a big media company doing a favor for another big media company, and in the process pretending that its reporters write for a local paper, NOT FOR THE COMPANY. SOMEBODY SHOULD BE REPRIMANDED FOR THIS. I'm complaining, which with this biz is like screaming in a padded cell.
UPDATE: The Sentinel byline disappeared in the Trib, but not in the Sentinel.
This kind of lying by byline is almost as bad as what Jayson did. Here's a big media company doing a favor for another big media company, and in the process pretending that its reporters write for a local paper, NOT FOR THE COMPANY. SOMEBODY SHOULD BE REPRIMANDED FOR THIS. I'm complaining, which with this biz is like screaming in a padded cell.
UPDATE: The Sentinel byline disappeared in the Trib, but not in the Sentinel.
Wednesday, July 23, 2003
All right, already, MAYBE they would have been more useful alive, but this is BLUNDER.com, Web site of the ARROGANT BLUNDER and the all-seeing all-knowing grandson of Norman Thomas.
And in another part of Bill the Entomologist's magical mystical Web maelstrom, a GE Network News reporter says the brothers shot first.
And in another part of Bill the Entomologist's magical mystical Web maelstrom, a GE Network News reporter says the brothers shot first.
lgf links to this story:
James Morrow: US critics sink in mire of denial
Alas, there in the upper-left-hand corner is:
The international symbol of RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Again, I'd feel better if someone other than the usual gang of idiots said this.
James Morrow: US critics sink in mire of denial
Alas, there in the upper-left-hand corner is:
The international symbol of RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Again, I'd feel better if someone other than the usual gang of idiots said this.
Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Comedians say the deaths of the Hussein brothers is something to be "blamed" over.
Will these clowns ever raise their flags from half-mast?
Will these clowns ever raise their flags from half-mast?
JACK fights MOVIE PIRACY! AGAIN!
If it weren't JACK, I'd say he has a case. Movie piracy does hurt "the little guy." But JACK didn't get where he is by being a little guy, and somebody like that anonymous brilliant actor named for a character in Tristram Shandy isn't a little guy, and every actress who fakes fornication before the cameras for an eight-digit fee isn't a little guy. The movie cretins evidence a sudden interest in "the little guy" only because their tax dodges could be depleted, and to provide flimsy cover for their infinite contempt of the filmgoing airheads. JACK's trade is bent on proving the old maxim, you get what you pay for, by providing a PRODUCT that isn't worth paying for, and the pirates have created a nice niche out of the biz' artistic bankruptcy. Yes, movie piracy is wrong, but with the biz defecating more masterworks than ever, it has at least a little bit of serves-you-right.
And here's predicting the ads get laughed at in the movie houses -- even by the dumb blind teens.
If it weren't JACK, I'd say he has a case. Movie piracy does hurt "the little guy." But JACK didn't get where he is by being a little guy, and somebody like that anonymous brilliant actor named for a character in Tristram Shandy isn't a little guy, and every actress who fakes fornication before the cameras for an eight-digit fee isn't a little guy. The movie cretins evidence a sudden interest in "the little guy" only because their tax dodges could be depleted, and to provide flimsy cover for their infinite contempt of the filmgoing airheads. JACK's trade is bent on proving the old maxim, you get what you pay for, by providing a PRODUCT that isn't worth paying for, and the pirates have created a nice niche out of the biz' artistic bankruptcy. Yes, movie piracy is wrong, but with the biz defecating more masterworks than ever, it has at least a little bit of serves-you-right.
And here's predicting the ads get laughed at in the movie houses -- even by the dumb blind teens.
Thanks for Renting My Summer House. Now Get Outta Here. [Front-page head]
After repeatedly blowing its fuse over Dubya's perfidy (something, I'll admit, it's easy to do when you're owned by Bill the Entomologist], Kinsley.com takes a vacation from the unfortunate deaths of the brothers Saddam.
Back tomorrow with more snarky snideness!
After repeatedly blowing its fuse over Dubya's perfidy (something, I'll admit, it's easy to do when you're owned by Bill the Entomologist], Kinsley.com takes a vacation from the unfortunate deaths of the brothers Saddam.
Back tomorrow with more snarky snideness!
Today's landslide House vote indicates one thing: a lot of people hate big media with a passion bordering on homicide.
Even if it gets through the courts -- a big if -- whether this rollback will do any good is another matter. The electronic Pandora's box got opened a long time ago.
One prediction: hard-core knee-jerk conservatives (especially the Jim "Dow 36,000" Glassmen and other caveat-emptor FREE ENTERPRISE types) will be imitating a stroke the next few days.
Even if it gets through the courts -- a big if -- whether this rollback will do any good is another matter. The electronic Pandora's box got opened a long time ago.
One prediction: hard-core knee-jerk conservatives (especially the Jim "Dow 36,000" Glassmen and other caveat-emptor FREE ENTERPRISE types) will be imitating a stroke the next few days.
"Say Goodnight Dick" Durbin's mad because people are "question[ing] his patriotism."
I don't think it was a former Republican governor who said getting the Hussein sons was unimportant.
I don't think it was a former Republican governor who said getting the Hussein sons was unimportant.
I had been sent to jail for more than nine times. During three times, he ordered his sluggers to torture me -- in the prison which is very notorious. In addition to that, he sent one of his bodyguards to pull out one of my teeth by pliers and, you know, this is -- with me. This happens with me and I am his secretary. What about the others?
This was Uday Hussein's press secretary. What about the others?
And what about those who mourn this scum's passing?
This was Uday Hussein's press secretary. What about the others?
And what about those who mourn this scum's passing?
In the midst of the deep sorrow over the unjustified killing of the sons Saddam, a new ray of hope.
What did I say about spin?
What did I say about spin?
Already the spin's coming hot and heavy with you-know-what, which means a) it's a good reason to avoid this story, and b) news hacks intend to treat this as a profit center.
Well, for once, a Forbes.com pop-up quote that doesn't make me wince:
"A song without music is a lot like H2 without the O."
--Ira Gershwin
It's a shame though that Gershwin did not live long enough to see this age of popular-music genius, or he might have called rap H2 with the S.
"A song without music is a lot like H2 without the O."
--Ira Gershwin
It's a shame though that Gershwin did not live long enough to see this age of popular-music genius, or he might have called rap H2 with the S.
Another expert salesperson, Claudia Pig -- er, Puig of USA Okay, combines hard-sell publicity and PC.
A big step forward in resume writing!
A big step forward in resume writing!
BAGHDAD (Reuters) - Two American soldiers were killed in ambushes in Iraq on Wednesday, denting any U.S. hopes that the deaths of Saddam Hussein's sons, Uday and Qusay, would snuff out a guerrilla insurgency against occupying forces.
Reuters stock declined over eight percent on Tuesday, denting greedy executives' hopes that the stock would reach $150 a share again any time soon.
Reuters stock declined over eight percent on Tuesday, denting greedy executives' hopes that the stock would reach $150 a share again any time soon.
By the way, Andy S. and lgf, I just read one of the Beeb's quotation-marks reports, and I see nothing wrong with it. Clearly the Beeb shot itself in the foot with its punctuation. An alternative headline would have read: Deaths of Saddam's sons could have huge effect, thus avoiding any sense of partisanship.
Now, Andy S., here is how a RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-controlled Beeb would report on a scandal involving RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or a member of his family:
Now, Andy S., here is how a RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-controlled Beeb would report on a scandal involving RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or a member of his family:
Andy S. gets on my nerves too. Abolish the BBC, he says. Fine. How to do it? Pull the plug on the set-license fee. This would force the Beeb to pay its own way, which would mean commercials, which would mean even more lowest-common-denominator programming, which would mean the outcome Andy S. wants -- a sale to his boss RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why should the BBC become another plaything of this tyrant?
If NewsMax is to be believed -- and as a practitioner of the capitals-italics-boldface-and-exclamation-points style of news, most of the time it is not -- Democrats aren't too happy about Saddam's sons getting killed either.
Keep it up guys and we'll have a one-party state just like Mexico did.
Keep it up guys and we'll have a one-party state just like Mexico did.
M-I-C-K-E-Y: He's the Leader of the Brand
And this imbecilic hack Richard Verrier is the Cheerleader of the Leader of the Brand.
Today Andy S. was commenting about how the Beeb is mourning the death of Saddam's sons. This is the flip side. The unfathomable loss news hacks took in Iraq they will more than gain back through the solace of writing more and more offensive press releases.
And this imbecilic hack Richard Verrier is the Cheerleader of the Leader of the Brand.
Today Andy S. was commenting about how the Beeb is mourning the death of Saddam's sons. This is the flip side. The unfathomable loss news hacks took in Iraq they will more than gain back through the solace of writing more and more offensive press releases.
Tuesday, July 22, 2003
How many sports hacks have gone from the luxury news suites to million-dollar-a-year jobs selling tripe on the radio?
And his suspension was approved by THE ZON (or so somebody said), so obviously this former scribbler was IMPORTANT.
Raving idiots is what all news hacks would be, given the chance.
And his suspension was approved by THE ZON (or so somebody said), so obviously this former scribbler was IMPORTANT.
Raving idiots is what all news hacks would be, given the chance.
"If you just want to read crap, you can get on the internet and read the most outrageous stuff," Liz Smith, the industry's 80-year-old grande dame, says dryly. "Restraint has been thrown overboard . . . The line between what's legitimate news and soft news has blurred enormously."
The problem with you, Liz, is you're not a gossip columnist. You're a PUBLICIST. And as you publicists have proven, we don't need "the Internet" (whatever that is) for "the most outrageous stuff." We have enough Devins and "Seller" Seilers and ADVERTISEMENTS and Ednas in print serving up "crap." And their restraint's gone overboard too. What's more, they're "legit."
The problem with you, Liz, is you're not a gossip columnist. You're a PUBLICIST. And as you publicists have proven, we don't need "the Internet" (whatever that is) for "the most outrageous stuff." We have enough Devins and "Seller" Seilers and ADVERTISEMENTS and Ednas in print serving up "crap." And their restraint's gone overboard too. What's more, they're "legit."
Looks like I was a day early with the BAD NEWS FOR REUTERS!
What's bad news for Reuters is good news for the rest of us.
Then again, what's bad news for Reuters may be good news for CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!), and that's not good news for the rest of us.
What's bad news for Reuters is good news for the rest of us.
Then again, what's bad news for Reuters may be good news for CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!), and that's not good news for the rest of us.
I am speechless about the idea of putting music fans in jail for downloading music. It is wrong to download but the answer cannot be jail.
Maybe Wacko isn't all bad.
Maybe Wacko isn't all bad.
Well, it didn't take that long.
Hope this shuts the venal scribblers up -- for a day. This last week or so I have grown so discouraged by what is easily the most partisan news coverage since the 2000 election, and (I may as well admit it) that I write this blog for an audience of practically nobody; moreover I fear I'm thinking in knee-jerk ways myself. I am tired of having these six- and seven-digit politician hacks tell me what to think -- and that they can do it so effectively through the Web means their power is exponentially increased, whatever all the self-congratulation about the populist glory of blogs. Perhaps I should do what GLENNY does and take a few vacations; but the lure of the keyboard is too strong.
Hope this shuts the venal scribblers up -- for a day. This last week or so I have grown so discouraged by what is easily the most partisan news coverage since the 2000 election, and (I may as well admit it) that I write this blog for an audience of practically nobody; moreover I fear I'm thinking in knee-jerk ways myself. I am tired of having these six- and seven-digit politician hacks tell me what to think -- and that they can do it so effectively through the Web means their power is exponentially increased, whatever all the self-congratulation about the populist glory of blogs. Perhaps I should do what GLENNY does and take a few vacations; but the lure of the keyboard is too strong.
Walter Winchell and JACK! share a screening room -- and a confidentiality agreement!
Looks like the most evil man in America got Walter to SHUT UP.
Looks like the most evil man in America got Walter to SHUT UP.
In the midst of QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, in the midst of all the glorio -- tragic news about U. S. war dead, cell phones sprout in Baghdad.
We've won the war.
P. S. Even more mysterious than the sprouting cell phones is that Reuters ran this, and Reuters is in a death-struggle with the Beeb to see who can throw more monkey wrenches into our efforts.
We've won the war.
P. S. Even more mysterious than the sprouting cell phones is that Reuters ran this, and Reuters is in a death-struggle with the Beeb to see who can throw more monkey wrenches into our efforts.
Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) jokers, taking a break from praying for more U.S. casualties, run another insulting press release. This sort of thing could be written by a computer, and should be read by no one.
I've noticed now that when GoogleBlogger gets the hiccups, it counts the number of times it gets them. What's the NEW GoogleBlogger record?
Incidentally, the left seems to be ossifying, er, petrifying, er, metastasizing, er, gathering around the notion that the League should take our place. So when the mullahs create their stoning beheading hand-lopping woman-beating terrorizing state, we can always blame Dubya for having listened -- and count on Kinsley.com to keep quiet otherwise. (Here are more news hacks who must use boldface, italics and exclamation points. Don't they realize Bill the Entomologist already uses these tools in abusing his customers?)
Annan Appeals for Iraq to Run Own Affairs
Which, translated, means the League of Nations would rather see a PC mullah-state with stonings, beheadings, hand-loppings, woman beating, terrorism, etc., etc., ETC., than a constitutional democracy that has ANYTHING to do with AMERICA.
Which, translated, means the League of Nations would rather see a PC mullah-state with stonings, beheadings, hand-loppings, woman beating, terrorism, etc., etc., ETC., than a constitutional democracy that has ANYTHING to do with AMERICA.
The GENIUSES of MadAve are including blind people in TV ADS, forgetting not only that the blind probably aren't heavy TV watchers, but that their conformist pitches are for the deaf and dumb too.
Am I the only person who gets excited with all these news hacks -- whether Reuters or Joe CONason or Paul Krugman or FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News or Walter Winchell or NewsMax -- who must do the news in CAPITALS, ITALICS and BOLDFACE, and with A THOUSAND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
Has hunt for corporate criminals gone too far?
We'll find out when we stop reading stories of new corporate malfeasance every single day.
We'll find out when we stop reading stories of new corporate malfeasance every single day.
Quoting a KnightRidder, Paul Krugman says Dubya's crew "squelches dissenting views."
No doubt, but Paul Krugman squelches dissenting views at the top of his lungs.
No doubt, but Paul Krugman squelches dissenting views at the top of his lungs.
Monday, July 21, 2003
NEW DEATH OF SOLDIER IN IRAQ PILES PRESSURE ON U.S.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THOUSANDS OF LAYOFFS PILE PRESSURE ON REUTERS TO DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, I exaggerated, a little. But here's a chart showing Reuters is far closer to bankruptcy than we are to losing thousands of soldiers:
I think I understand why Andy S. says these guys WANT us to fail.
THOUSANDS OF LAYOFFS PILE PRESSURE ON REUTERS TO DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, I exaggerated, a little. But here's a chart showing Reuters is far closer to bankruptcy than we are to losing thousands of soldiers:
I think I understand why Andy S. says these guys WANT us to fail.
BusinessWeek celebrates a blogger whose donations paid for his reporting!
Before breaking out the bubbly, I'd suggest
try
ing
to
read
his
site
on
a
15
"
moni
tor.
Before breaking out the bubbly, I'd suggest
try
ing
to
read
his
site
on
a
15
"
moni
tor.
OUR CATCH PHRASE OF THE MONTH: A Philadelphia radio station says it "relieves stress."
Yes, a station that plays the same moldy oldies a billion times over (often in public places against your will) between thirty-minute commercial breaks definitely relieves stress.
And natch, IT'S A CHEAP CHANNEL.
Yes, a station that plays the same moldy oldies a billion times over (often in public places against your will) between thirty-minute commercial breaks definitely relieves stress.
And natch, IT'S A CHEAP CHANNEL.
SPIKE SPIKED DESPITE SPIKING SPIKE!
WARNING: This article contains a quote from Perfesser Thompson, America's most shameless publicity seeker in academe, give or take a thousand other perfessers.
WARNING: This article contains a quote from Perfesser Thompson, America's most shameless publicity seeker in academe, give or take a thousand other perfessers.
The Saudis arrest terrorists -- and then we hear that they finance terrorists.
It's the Saudi Shuffle: one step forward, one step back.
It's the Saudi Shuffle: one step forward, one step back.
Two great things about John Simon: he forces you to think, and he forces you to look up words in dictionaries. (I was pretty close in guessing what "perdurable" means, but I was wrong about "pullulate" [I thought it meant pulsate; it means to germinate]). He may also be one of the very few writers in the news biz (he is certainly no hack) to recognize the rot at our society's heart:
Two-bit movies and TV shows have lately been featuring angels in the hokiest, trashiest patent-medicine-mongering way: snake oil for the mindless mind. A society adrift, without moorings in genuine art, philosophy, history, or even (if you must) religion [Mr. Simon is an atheist] snatches at every nostrum: gurus, tea leaves, astrology, chat rooms, and white-winged guardians protecting you from mishaps.
A society adrift. In three words John Simon has written more than thousands of pundits in thousands of column-inches.
Two-bit movies and TV shows have lately been featuring angels in the hokiest, trashiest patent-medicine-mongering way: snake oil for the mindless mind. A society adrift, without moorings in genuine art, philosophy, history, or even (if you must) religion [Mr. Simon is an atheist] snatches at every nostrum: gurus, tea leaves, astrology, chat rooms, and white-winged guardians protecting you from mishaps.
A society adrift. In three words John Simon has written more than thousands of pundits in thousands of column-inches.
Culture Clash Clouds Warner-BMG Talks
Culture clash? You mean we're both not in the business of recording bad disposable music and keeping our vaults firmly shut?
Culture clash? You mean we're both not in the business of recording bad disposable music and keeping our vaults firmly shut?
Why should the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers bother with such old-fogey, way-uncool, judgmental things as morality clauses?
And now -- HEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's GLENNY!
DAAAAAAH-dut-dut-DAAAAAAH-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
World managed to spin without you, huh Glenny?
DAAAAAAH-dut-dut-DAAAAAAH-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
World managed to spin without you, huh Glenny?
Sunday, July 20, 2003
Another why-do-they-post-this pop-up quote from Forbes.com:
"Heroism feels and never reasons, and therefore is always right."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
That name is familiar. Didn't he edit the first high-school yearbook?
"Heroism feels and never reasons, and therefore is always right."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
That name is familiar. Didn't he edit the first high-school yearbook?
Why, Andy S., RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! should NOT be allowed to buy the Beeb: his WIFE was apparently behind the Charlie Chan Festival cancellation. You won't hear that on your employer's many outlets, will you, ANDY S.?
Another of the new breed of show-biz colossi, bestriding the earth of Hollywood in the age of JACK:
Does the fact that he can walk virtually unnoticed on the streets of Los Angeles -- let alone Seoul or S-o Paulo [sic] -- make him any less valuable an actor?
NO! This man's name will echo through the history of film even more than his inferiors of the past -- Fairbanks, Cooper, Cagney, Gable, Grant, Bogart, Wayne, Stewart! Now, uh, what is it?
THAT'S HIS NAME?!?!? I thought it was a character in Tristram Shandy.
Does the fact that he can walk virtually unnoticed on the streets of Los Angeles -- let alone Seoul or S-o Paulo [sic] -- make him any less valuable an actor?
NO! This man's name will echo through the history of film even more than his inferiors of the past -- Fairbanks, Cooper, Cagney, Gable, Grant, Bogart, Wayne, Stewart! Now, uh, what is it?
THAT'S HIS NAME?!?!? I thought it was a character in Tristram Shandy.
OH oh, speaking of synergexia, GENERAL JR. wants to cash in sooner than we thought!
GO FOR THE SEVEN DIGITS, JR.! AND AS ALWAYS, THE PUBLIC BE DAMNED!
GO FOR THE SEVEN DIGITS, JR.! AND AS ALWAYS, THE PUBLIC BE DAMNED!
Despite the excitement over Dubya's LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, ATWOLA rag has dyslexia on its cover.
Better that than synergexia.
Or is this one of those chortle chortle chortle chuckle chuckle chuckle nyuk nyuk nyuk inside jokes?
Better that than synergexia.
Or is this one of those chortle chortle chortle chuckle chuckle chuckle nyuk nyuk nyuk inside jokes?
The tragedy of David Kelly has caused both sides to ossify their positions. News hacks, wanting to further screw up the mess in Iraq, are screaming for Tony's head. Conservatives are starting to say their favorite news organization did it. Let's just say neither side has exactly covered itself with glory -- and in the end, a man died for partisan politics. What a waste.
While the inhabitants of luxury news suites fulminate over dirty keyboards and the surly waitress serving their $100 lunch, they may want to pause from their monomania however briefly to consider the sacrifices some people made on their behalf. But gods cannot be told anything.
The late Sam Donaldson used to stick it into people's faces by sneering back at them that common criticism of news hacks, "Well who elected YOU?!?" And the answer, of course, is nobody. Consider this line in BLUNDER's story on the "collapse" of California:
Even if they wanted to, California politicians can’t free themselves to be statesmen, because they have locked themselves in the ideological straitjacket of safe, one-party, gerrymandered seats. As a result, the activist fringes are in control, since they can turn out the vote in low-turnout elections. The result is even more apathy, even lower turnout—and even more power for the unelected powers that be.
I'm not sure who's on the activist right fringe in California -- most likely grass-roots organizations, outfits like the Freepers -- but we all know who's on the LEFT fringe, and that includes news hacks. The more the fringe is in control, the more apathy, the more power to the unelected. What's good for AOL....
And yes, I know, Sam Donaldson IS alive, but media bigshots are so vain that when they're out of work, they're technically dead. And Sam was one of the vainest.
Even if they wanted to, California politicians can’t free themselves to be statesmen, because they have locked themselves in the ideological straitjacket of safe, one-party, gerrymandered seats. As a result, the activist fringes are in control, since they can turn out the vote in low-turnout elections. The result is even more apathy, even lower turnout—and even more power for the unelected powers that be.
I'm not sure who's on the activist right fringe in California -- most likely grass-roots organizations, outfits like the Freepers -- but we all know who's on the LEFT fringe, and that includes news hacks. The more the fringe is in control, the more apathy, the more power to the unelected. What's good for AOL....
And yes, I know, Sam Donaldson IS alive, but media bigshots are so vain that when they're out of work, they're technically dead. And Sam was one of the vainest.
When a veteran USA Okay shill like Edna Gunderson tells us of the wonders of some new "talent," it means yet another tuneless droner is about to make a fortune because he has good shills like Edna Gunderson.
While the kinder, gentler Howells might want us to believe the FBI is a seething cauldron of race prejudice, the truth is the FBI is an overflowing chamber pot of base incompetence.
It's the dog days, and BLUNDER rag has nothing better to do than spend its free time musing on the "destruction" of California. Sheesh.
That state will survive Gray Davis, just as BLUNDER survived the Hitler Diaries (pffh-hh-hh).
That state will survive Gray Davis, just as BLUNDER survived the Hitler Diaries (pffh-hh-hh).
I am certainly not a Pat Buchanan type who goes into paroxysms of the screaming meemies at the thought of an immigrant, but clearly illegal immigration can only ever be a bad thing. (And a surprise that the LALA Times should print this, but I guess in Southern Cal they're practically underfoot -- although the LALA editors could walk on herds of elephants and not notice.)
And since there is so much news-hack politicking, the time has come to abandon the pretense of "objectivity" and engage in raw naked partisanship. At least then the dissembling would be HONEST.
Now if we had a QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in Liberia, what would the news hacks, who see nothing wrong with us fighting there (unlike Iraq), say then?
In this time of seemingly unprecedented news-hack politicking, time to repost this, slightly revised:
What is the difference between a news hack and a politician?
None. Both kinds of creatures always claim to serve the public, always campaign, always search for a better job, always mug for the cameras, always lie (the politician calls it "plausible deniability," the news hack calls it "objectivity") -- and they're both in "show-biz for ugly people."
What is the difference between a news hack and a politician?
None. Both kinds of creatures always claim to serve the public, always campaign, always search for a better job, always mug for the cameras, always lie (the politician calls it "plausible deniability," the news hack calls it "objectivity") -- and they're both in "show-biz for ugly people."