THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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I think I made a mistake when, in my understated way, I originally described The Producers as "the greatest show in history." It is the greatest show in history—as long as you know who are in it.
A BLITHERING IDIOT, PART DEUX:
On the night I attended, the send-up of the most famous line in 42nd Street, for example, was no longer greeted with its usual belly laugh. "You’re going out there a silly, hysterical queen," Carmen Ghia orders the faux stage-shy Roger DeBris, "and you’re coming back a great big passing-for-straight Broadway star!" A few of us were on the floor, but it passed the Japanese, among others, by.
A BLITHERING IDIOT, PART TROIS:
There are "good seats" on sale for much less than $100, of course. But they are believed to be in the vicinity of the Brooklyn Bridge. (Binoculars may be rented.) Now, though tourists will pay practically anything, it seems, to see the original stars in The Producers, the public ain’t dumb. That’s why the "Welcome back, Nathan and Matthew, once-in-a-lifetime (positively our final offer!)" $1,500 ticket for the New Year’s Eve performance of the show didn’t sell. People weren’t buying it—just as they won’t rush to see this once-golden show when it’s "starring" Fred Applegate.
WHO HELPED CREATE THOSE $1,500 TICKETS???????????
And finally, A BLITHERING IDIOT, PART QUATRE:
May Mr. Landesman live to be 120, but "the show is good, the audiences are bad" will no doubt be written on his tombstone.
Buddy, someone will "write" "THE GREATEST SHOW IN HISTORY" on YOURS.
(Link corrected 9/1/2008)