Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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    • THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
    I know more than you.
    I make lots more money than you.
    I'm smarter than you.
    I'm sexier than you.
    I appear on TV all the time.
    I work ten minutes a day.
    I rule the universe.
    I'm going to live forever.
    You are an idiot.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
    A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
    I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
    --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
    News isn't news when we don't report it.

    PERMALINKS:

    THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

    THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

    AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!

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    Sunday, May 09, 2004

    Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

    It's the call of every studio executive's dreams. Six little words float across the phone lines: "Brad Pitt wants a nude scene."

    WELL!! The first thing you look for when your intelligence is GRIEVOUSLY insulted is a byline. WHOOPS! No byline. Then you look for the source. "Big Picture News." Never heard of it. You plug it into Google -- and you find the name -- and it has NO WEB SITE, meaning this is a PRESS RELEASE from NOWHERE.

    And it figures this story runs in the scattered remains of the CONRAD empire, where up is down and left is -- never mind.

    Why do I get mad at such trifles? BECAUSE THEY'RE THE FLIP SIDE OF NEWS HACKS' EFFORTS TO DESTROY OUR OPERATIONS IN IRAQ -- and the NEWS HACKS never think, if we let the jihadists rule the world there may be NO HOLLYWOOD LEFT.

    P. S. I wonder if this is a division of AIN'T IT COOL NEWS.

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