THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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THE McDONALD'S® FUN TIMES ACTIVITY BOOK!!!!!
DID YOU KNOW?
The Olympic Games® started in Greece more than 2,500 years ago as a friendly competition and featured only one event -- a footrace.
They may have to consider that again.
My friends need to get to the park for their events. Can you help?
Has it been built?
Did you know? [SIC]
The 5 rings symbolizing the Olympic Games® represent the 5 major parts of the world participating -- North America, South America, Europe, Asia and Australia.
Golly gee! We thought they symbolized Coca-Cola®, John Hancock®, Kodak®, Panasonic® and MICKEY D'S®!!!!! -- the five partners of -- WHOOPS! We forgot Samsung®, Atos Origin®, Sports Illustrated®, Swatch®, Visa® and Xerox® -- the ELEVEN OFFICIAL PARTNERS OF THE OLYMPIC MOVEMENT®! (Shouldn't there be ELEVEN RINGS?)
In this summer's 28th Olympic Games® [shouldn't that be THE GAMES OF THE XXVIII OLYMPIAD®?!?!?!?], there will be 10,500 athletes from 200 countries, participating in 28 sporting events.
And half-a-million security people, 100,000 executives, 200,000 broadcasters and news hacks -- and 30 spectators.
What has 18 legs and catches flies?
A McDonald's® at 11 p.m.
Why are basketball players such messy eaters?
Because on their salaries they can afford 30 maids.
And this will pass without comment:
Ronald McD.®: Say, I don't think that's the way our events were supposed to end.
The Hamburglar®: Maybe not, but it sure was fun trying.
And expensive.
P. S. Contents of an actual tray liner handed out today at my local MICKEY D'S®:
Blue Cross® RiverRink™ Festival Pier at Penn's Landing
2001-2002 SEASON
OPEN THROUGH FEBRUARY 28, 2002
Get your 2 for 1 admission coupons in the McDonald's® Entertainment Value Center today!