Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.

PERMALINKS:

THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Posted 6:32 AM by Gene

News hacks are the alchemists of our time; with words and guile and shamelessness they can alakazoom nothing into something, although when you try to touch the something it vanishes into thin air, leaving the reek of high salaries and toxic gas.  We aren't day one into THE FIRST INFOMERCIAL and already the idiots can detect STRATEGY and MOVEMENT and blahblahblah, all the while nothing happening, and nothing will.  The alchemy is best done by the likes of HOWELL, who has suddenly made a career of being a cross between THE GLIBERAL and MODO, albeit slightly more pompous.  But he is far from the only one, as witness VLADY's effort to turn Legacy's latest platitudes into THE SPEECH OF THE CENTURY, albeit an expression of depthless EEEEEEEEEVIL.  We should be happy we can never read all the alchemy that comes from such de facto nonexistent events, for the result would be an incurable headache, or a mind no longer on its tether.

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