Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.

PERMALINKS:

THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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Sunday, August 15, 2004

Posted 2:56 PM by Gene

One reason so many people hate news hacks: their heroes so many people can't stand: no-talent rockers and movie ac-TORS, sexy tyrants like MICKEYMOUSE NIXON and the late ZONNNNNNNNNNNNN, demagogues like P. R. MIKE and SEN. FATSO GLUB GLUB, turncoats like SEN. DIMWIT (Imbecile-VT) and SEN. McPAIN (D-AZ), pseudo-artistes like GRAFFITI "WRITERS" and HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM. And because the news hacks still reek of high-school government and the college paper they sell them like people with God-given confidence (or should I say confidence, news hacks being gods), largely for social climbing and salary increasing, so that at the end of every day they can recite the words of The News Hacks' Creed No. 1 with ever increasing vigor:

I know more than you.

I make lots more money than you.

I'm smarter than you.

I'm sexier than you.

I appear on TV all the time.

I work ten minutes a day.

I rule the universe.

I'm going to live forever.

You are an idiot.

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