Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.

PERMALINKS:

THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

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Sunday, December 26, 2004

Posted 3:00 PM by Gene

SAMMY GLICKMAN AND HIS CONSPIRACY believe a movie can be -- not created, or produced, but CALCULATED. Last year we got AUDREY'S MONSTER, a mammoth assemblage of product placements and tie-ins whose enormous success seems to have dried up the demand for Dr. Seuss trinkets. This year, it's The LEMON Man, who must be leaving a SOUR TASTE in SUMNER. (Who says it's an UNFORTUNATE EVENT? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!) To be sure, GE Bancorp's all-star gear meshing at the top of the list means there will be more movies made for the sole purpose of subtracting money from the always gullible MOVIEGOING S&M PHREAKS (certainly the BIZ doesn't make them to entertain, or to live -- whoever heard of doing a thing like THAT?????); but the reason this has been such a BAD YEAR for FILM is that the BATTERY may be RUNNING OUT on the CALCULATOR.

And how does it feel (sorry to mention his name again) to be LORD LLOUD WUBBISH, at what should be the APEX OF A LONG AND DISTINGUISHED CAREER, facing the HORDES SCREAMING OUT OF THE TORTURE CHAMBERS?

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