Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.

PERMALINKS:

THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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Sunday, May 01, 2005

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE, MUTINY MUTINY MUTINY: It's been WEEKS since Mr. Mark has given us a COVER STORY that he can be proud of: that is, a cover story his readers can LAUGH AT. Part of it, of course, is the CURSE of HISTORY; who knew Pope John Paul was so POPULAR? But part of it has been Mr. Mark just hasn't had the TIME to rub our noses in his superiority. Maybe he's buried some right-thinking PC inside this feature about China -- or maybe our WICKED COMPETITORS on COLUMBUS CIRCLE beat him to it. (We now know he'll go full bore at Christmas and Easter, anyway.) But unless ST. WARREN is thinking of moving His operations to ASIA we don't see the point of it. We all know China's an SOB among nations, so what else is there to say?

Starting NEXT WEEK, however, we're sure it'll be the BLUNDER rag we've come to know and love, with features about the INFINITE PARADE OF MOVIE MASTERPIECES coming up -- and the INFINITE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL OF REPUBLICANS!

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