Eugene David<br>...The One-Minute Pundit

Posted 8:09 AM by Gene

Today our local news monopoly, KNIGHTRIDDER's InkyDinkyDooDoo, that loathsome mixture of left-wing dogma and Babbittry, sends a guinea pig to Ghana to tell us maybe The West isn't so helpful after all, and to make sure nobody can accuse it of running millions of column-inches of unreadable PR.

Meantime the ad-blurb copywriters drool over their front-row seats and thousands have already evacuated, and the millionaires at the Tower of Babble prepare to wrestle the word HISTORIC to a fare-thee-well.

P. S. In more CIRCULATION-BUILD...HISTORIC news:

A PRODUCTION MEMO LISTS KEITH URBAN GOING ON AT 10 A.M., FOLLOWED AT 11 BY SARAH MCLACHLAN AND JOSH GROBAN, BON JOVI AT 12:15, ROB THOMAS AT 1:20 P.M., DEF LEPPARD AT 2:10 P.M., TOBY KEITH AT 4 P.M., WILL SMITH AT 4:50 P.M., KANYE WEST AT 5:55 P.M., LINKIN PARK AND JAY-Z - NOW THAT'S A COMBO!!!! - AT 7 P.M., AND STEVIE WONDER AT 8:05 P.M.!!!!!

SATURDAY - THE DAY OF - SOUND CHECKS ARE DUE TO BEGIN WITH DESTINY'S CHILD AT 7 A.M. THEN IT'S JARS OF CLAY (7:30), DAVE MATTHEWS (8), ALICIA KEYS (8:30), KAISER CHIEFS (9), AND BLACK EYED PEAS, WITH THE MARLEYS (9:30). THE BIG SHOW IS TO START AT NOON!!!!!!!!!!

I concede these are BIG NAMES!!!!! to the Losing-My-Hearing-with-My-iPod set, but given the much bigger names before them there might have been a day when they couldn't have made it past the guards. Plugging these BIG NAMES!!!!! allows us to do our HISTORIC shtick, however, and PULL ANOTHER ONE ON OUR READERS.