THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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The run-up has also benefited smaller investors such as computer software programmer Dave Winer, who bought about $10,000 worth of shares in Google's IPO last year at $85.
"I didn't get in on Apple and Microsoft, so I felt like I should get in on this one," Winer said. "My investment may eventually be worth $40 million."
Let's calculate. This clown thinks he can reap a return on his investment in G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE of 4,000 TIMES. (This assumes he hasn't bought any further stock.) At that rate the whole company would have a market cap of $100 TRILLION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's nearly 300 GE BANCORPS or 400 BILL BUGDOMS! IT'S SEVEN TIMES THE TOTAL MARKET CAP OF THE NYSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A MIGHTILY APPRECIATING NEUHARTHI$M OF THE WEEK AWARD TO ZACHERY!! HEY ZACH! GET A JOB AT CNBC! THEY NEED YOU!!!!! WE NEED YOU!!!!!
P. S. We just realized: The last six days we've given out FIVE NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARDS -- and a NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD! At this EXCELLENT RATE we may have to give out NEUHARTHISM OF THE HOUR AWARDS! Go to it, NEWS HACKS!
(Corrected to reflect the clown's return thus far on his money.)