THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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The feet-on-the-desk pundits are working hard to make themselves obsolete. Dick Crybaby may think he made a TOUCHE for the AGES with this bald line -- and we're the first to admit Dubya more resembles the Pygmies than the Amazons -- but why does such a BRILLIANT rhetorical fluorish make all that follows any more wise? It's just a variation of Mencken's "Dr. Coolidge", and Mencken was a better writer. (We recall how he went WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! over FDR after he made nasty fun of him at a Gridiron Club dinner; such is the maturity of colyumnists.) That's the problem with these thinking typists of all stripes: they use cheap rhetorical gags when decent writing could help with their tantrums, and they too often use temper for reason. The last decent line we recall from out of a colyumnist was when George "My Business is My Business" Will spoke of the "ideological pretzel of liberalism," and that's so long ago we've had ample time to give up on colyumnists.