Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

Monday, December 12, 2005


And further on the subject of CGI -- er, MOVIES (ugh), we wonder if the OSCAR® people may not be in a fix this year, despite all the genius. In the VALENTI ERA and beyond the problem has been not not finding the best film among a solid bunch but finding the least bad. And here all this season's masterworks have -- flaws. THE GAY COWBOYS has its ad-blurbists' lockstep huzzahs, which we would like to think have been the subject of much (if muted) ridicule, and it is not RED COUNTRY fodder. LUKE SPIELBERG'S HAND WRENCHING is PC, and one wonders about its appeal to the industry's Jews. GEISHA GIRL's beauty is no doubt skin deep. The sad tale of JOHNNY CASH was only a modest hit, and should the Academy Award® really go for a two-hour impersonation? Likewise with TRUMAN, which has been seen by masses of INDIFFERENCE. THE KNIGHTING OF ST. EDWARD OF MURROW resounded to the applause of BigMedia's titanium-gloved stainless-steel fist clapping. ROSIE'S NEPHEW'S OTHER SCAB PICKING (qv) looks to be doing a quick getaway. WOODSTER THE PERV's already won the Oscar®, a long time before his adopted-daughter wife was born. We cannot discount KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN's immortality, but that would be yet another instance of NOO YAWK BLURBISTS HUGGING THEMSELVES, and we suspect it isn't very good. With all these masterworks THE SECOND REMAKE OF KONG could be the favorite by B. O. default -- and it has two alibis in past CGI winners and the greatest self-congratulations that ever appeared above a title; but this poses a problem because the ACADEMY® would be rewarding the remake of a revered original that didn't win A SINGLE OSCAR® NOMINATION. That might leave CGI LEWIS, IF its numbers hold up, and many would be opposed because it's CHRISSSSSSSSSSSSTIAN. It's also potentially the least unpalatable winner. But why should the BEST PICTURE-OSCAR® WINNER win for being LEAST UNPALATABLE?

The best thing POLITICALLY speaking would be to let the two CGIs battle it out, though the muses would hold their noses. But if we know THE ACADEMY® it will probably do the ARTHOUSE routine again, for which we fervently hope.

P. S. Hey AL REUT, couldn't you electronically slug some stories ADVERTISEMENT so we'd know to avoid them?

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