Posted 1:48 PM by Gene

The movie phreaks showed again this weekend, though the BEEEEEEEEEE-OOOOOOOOOO was only up about nine percent (and it was up last year too). When we think grosses we somehow imagine huge movie houses packed to the proverbial third balcony with fans. But we must console ourselves with some elementary math. Take LUKE SPIELBERG'S PC MASTERPIECE. It did $5,000 a venue. If the movie played 15 times this weekend, that comes to $333 a screening. If the average cost of a ticket is, say $8.00 (the alleged national average last year was $6.40), that comes to about 42 tickets. Each screen in a popcorn emporium holds 200 to 300 seats. Imagine seeing a bad or overrated movie in a sparse crowd. That would be like 7,000 or 8,000 watching an NFL game. No wonder the movie experience is so uninviting.

Speaking of which, the WALL STREET JOURNALS CONSERVATIVE EDITION'S FREELOADERS REVIEW recently invited some of Sammy Glickman's interns to ghost a puff piece, which indicates this guy is learning as fast as the IMMORTAL JACK did how to be tone-deaf. The only solace is this hit the site as the acclaimed movie producer the RED-STATE SCORPION hit the fan. We'd like to think Sammy's slapped Red's back more than once. They're in the same business -- shafting the public.

And a belated NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD to some jackassette named STEPHANIE.