Posted 3:41 PM by Gene

The other day we made fun of THE PROFESSOR and his four IDIOTIC ideas on how to "improve" the newspaper biz. We did not think to suggest why they were idiotic, as when a PROFESSOR suggests things they are prima facie idiotic (the PROFESSOR should know that term), but now we think we know why. To take them one by one:

1. He'd get rid of newsprint. Its high (or rather, higher) cost is the chief reason newsbiz profit margins have gone from 30 percent to, oh, 28 percent. Consolidation in the paper biz is to blame. But who's to say newsprint will always stay high? Besides, older readers prefer newsprint. And there's a sizable population that does NOT want computers OR the Web -- and they may not fit the Luddite stereotype. Get rid of newsprint and you may get rid of a good chunk of your audience. This is why I'm not convinced ditching stock tables is such a hot idea, whatever the ephemeral savings.

2. He'd equip the hacks with cameras. Goody! Just what we need -- photogenic newshacks. Isn't it enough to have these clowns scream at each other on the cable nets? Most likely video news stories would be just as vapid as any on TV. Anyone who's used Windows Media Player can attest it's not easy to skim video. And though the costs of bandwidth may be manageable, all these newspaper Web sites with all these videos will have found one LESS way to differ from one another -- and aren't the news hacks lock-steppingly similar as it is?

3. He'd stop insulting readers; and 4. He'd get them involved. These two suggestions are so vague as to be meaningless. L'Affaire Loven suggests that lots of the hacks thrive on insulting their consumers. And how would we peons get involved besides the usual way of writing six-page letters to the editor and screaming at ombudspoops?

No one desires BIGMEDIA change more than I do; alas, they're unreformable, and PROFESSOR's pitiful suggestions are proof enough.