Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.

PERMALINKS:

THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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Thursday, June 22, 2006

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

As we feel the heat of a GLOBAL WARMING CRUSADE coming on, let us guess what our superiors will ask us to do to assist in it as they look on from their chauffeur-driven heights. Bicycle? America's bulge could use it; but how many people will trade in long drives for long bikes? Air conditioning? That uses up a lot of greenhouse-gas producing electricity. How many thousands of old people will die to stop smog? Mass transit? Many cities don't have much of it, and though there's nothing wrong with it in theory in practice it's boondoggles and corruption. Limits on development? Let's see us try that. Meantime the Chinese and the Russians will no doubt gas as usual, which makes us wonder whether global-warming Chicken Littles might benefit from a little greenhouse-panic GREEN on the side -- the better to redistribute our wealth.

Okay eggheads, ALGORE: you say an awful thing's about to happen. WHAT DO YOU PROPOSE TO STOP IT? PUT YOUR PANACEAS WHERE YOUR BIG FAT MOUTHS ARE.

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