THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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Criticism by the panel brings no penalties beyond international scrutiny.
We wonder what CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES meant by that. That the League should punish us for our sins of incompetence? Talk about the reflection in the mirror. Say, I've got an idea -- why not a world government run by NEWS HACKS! It would smoke out every injustice, and...go broke in two years. We'll go further: if the HACKS had organized the disaster relief last year they'd still be organizing it.
This is the League's "Human Rights Committee," still up to its old tricks.