THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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We are sorry to hear that Mike Douglas, a pleasant Kay Kyser vocalist ("The Old Lamplighter", "Ole Buttermilk Sky") who graduated to a solo career and ultimately his own long-lived syndicated talk show, has died. As a Philadelphian I would note the show never recovered from when he up and left for LA, where it disappeared. (But then he came to Philadelphia from Cleveland, of all places, so we weren't the only ones.) Oh well, he was a decent enough singer, and a decent man, and we forgive him.
Further proof that news hacks care not for anything before the sixties: the justly anonymous AP flack says he recorded the aforementioned songs in "the fifties." (Douglas introduced them when he replaced Harry Babbitt during the war.) Dimwit hacks.
(We temper this somewhat -- it appeared in the original story but has since been corrected.)