Eugene David<br>...The One-Minute Pundit

Posted 10:05 PM by Gene

NEWSRAG EDITING MADE E-Z: JonBoy has put the Britneyclones on the domestic cover (no .jpg yet, but that's the story), which gives us an excuse to be sensational and deny it at the same time. (I guess that's why we put it in the HEALTH section?) And what cover story is complete without the idiotic nonjudgmental closing graf?

And even if our adolescents pick up a few tricks from the Brit Pack, we have a big head start on them. We begin to teach our kids values while they're still in diapers. "Kids learn good morals and values by copying role models who are close to them," says Michele Borba, author of "Teaching Moral Intelligence." Experts say that even the most withdrawn teens scrutinize their parents for cues on how to act. So watch your behavior; don't gossip with your friends in front of the kids and downplay popularity as a lifetime goal. Parents need to understand and talk about the things that interest their kids—even if it's what Paris is wearing—without being judgmental. That makes it easier for kids to open up. "The really subtle thing you have to do is hear where they are coming from, and gently direct them into thinking about it," says Borba. That means these celebrities gone wild and all their tabloid antics can be teachable moments. Lesson No. 1: wear underwear.

TRANSLATION: Throw up your hands and bury your head in the sand. Hey! But at least it's DOING SOMETHING.

In the Europe edition we have a story on the continent's abandoned churches -- lots of them -- with this opening graf:

For the muslims [SIC!!!!!] of Clitheroe, collective worship has never been easy. It's been 40 years since the first Asians settled in the little town close to England's industrial heartland, but the 300-strong community has struggled ever since to find a suitable site for a mosque. No longer. In December the town council finally approved plans for the conversion of a handsome but derelict structure: a disused Methodist chapel. "There is a feeling of overwhelming relief and joy," says Sheraz Arshad, a local Muslim leader. "Just because it looks like a church, there's no reason why it can't be used as a mosque."

After that we read no further.

And the Asian and Latin American editions have a story on ultra-cheap PCs for the Third World, surely an inside joke given our SYNERGISTIC PARTNERSHIP.

JONBOY HITS THE TRIFECTA!

P. S. Great cover guys. (It just posted.) I could do that with my eyes closed -- and I guess you did, also.

P. P. S. at 8:55 a. m. on 2/5: They fixed that lower-case letter in a hurry!